Valkyrie Fall 2017 - Issue 1

what’s your excuse?
Excuses. We’ve all been there, and some of us
more than others. We are all human and we make
mistakes and sometimes we try to cover up those mistakes
with a good excuse. As college students, we have
all used our fair share of excuses. Maybe you forgot you
had a paper due because you were up all night studying
for a test. You walk into class with that horrible feeling
in your stomach and approach your professor and give
them the best excuse you can think of.
When it comes to missing class, professors have
been there, heard that. Many of the excuses you would
think of on the fly are vastly overused. The most common
would be the, “I don’t feel well *cough *cough.”
You tell the professor how you’ve been throwing up all
night, or how you’re running a 102 degree fever or how
you’re showing all the signs and symptoms of infectious
pneumonia. Most professors will buy it just because they
don’t want to risk their own health. They still give you
that suspicious eye on the way out though, and most of
them hit you with that “better go to the Ladd Center!”
while you fake blow your nose as you leave the room.
Then you’ve got your “family issues,” the exact meaning
of which you evade because no professor would ever
ask you to specify. This excuse is timeless and effective.
And even if they ask you what’s going on, you have the
perfect copout--“I don’t want to talk about it”--making it
even more believable. They just give you those sad eyes
and tell you to “let them know if you need anything.”
You promise them you will as you silently high-five
yourself. Beware, though, because many professors will
mark these as unexcused defeating the purpose of using
an excuse.
There are any number of excuses you could use to get
Story by Madison Eiberger, Funk Editor and
Kristin Demorest, Asst. Funk Editor
out of class or a test, but if it isn’t believable, you might
as well have gone to class to spare the embarrassment
of being exposed. Believability is key. Think outside the
box, or just suck it up and make your way to class. And
keep in mind that professors never forget! Don’t give an
excuse that involves you losing a limb or something that
can easily be disproved.
This article is a compilation of some of the most outof-the-box
excuses that have encountered. We’ve dug
deep into the memory archives of some professors, work
supervisors and coaches to find out the strangest, least
expected excuses that students have used. They all had
one conclusion: the more wild the excuse, the less they
were able to argue with it. There are some funny ones,
some serious ones and ones they all hope they never have
to deal with ever again. Some, that to this day, leave them
thinking, “what?” Read of few of these and rethink your
way to getting out of class next time you just need to
skip.
1
“We had a girl that worked
here a few years back, and I’ll
never forget the day she called
me to let me know she wasn’t
coming in to work. At first I
was like, oh man, she’s calling out
again. And then, she said, ‘Yeah
I’m really sorry. I just have to go
to the dentist right now to get my
teeth put back in. They all fell out
because of my excessive meth use.’”
-Anonymous
2
“I
have had some pretty good
excuses. One student told me
they spilled a bottle of ketchup
on their paper during lunch so
they couldn’t turn it in. One of my
favorites is when one of
my students had just
gotten a new puppy and the puppy
literally ate her
homework. She even brought
in what was left of it to
show me. However, when students
just come in and say ‘I just
forgot,’ or ‘I was studying for a
test in another class,’ that just
tells me what you did not do, not what
you are planning on doing about the
situation.”
-Shannon Bond,
associate professor of kinesiology
3
“When I first began teaching, I
had a student tell me the reason
they missed class was because
they had to help change someone’s
tire. They said, ‘I hope
you understand.’ That may or may
not be true, but that is not a
valid excuse to miss class.”
–Dr. Brian Carroll,
professor of communication
4
“I remember when I was
doing some student
teaching in grad school.
One day the professor I was
working with got an email
right as class started, and
he was so flabbergasted he told
me to come read the email.
Now, it was Friday, so we were
used to students not showing
up to class, but this one
really threw me for a loop.
The email read: ‘Hi Professor,
I am very sorry but I
will not be attending class
today. One of my hallmates
threw up in my hair this morning
and I can’t get it out.’”
-Anonymous
5
“I had a girl who did
not show up for her
7 a.m. morning feeding
shift. We tried calling her
over and over again. Finally,
she shows up an hour and a half
late and I walk out to meet
her on the front porch. She
begins this whole story about
how she just didn’t feel
good and was so sick. While
she was explaining this
I glanced at her hands which
both had big black “X’s” drawn
on them. She still had to work
her whole shift that day.”
–Kevin Ellis,
Gunby Equine Center barn manager
6
“I had an intern tell me he
could not come in that day
because his brother had a brain
tumor. He even had his dad call
me to verify his story. I later
found out it wasn’t true.”
-Jim Alred,
sports journalist
6 Funk
VALKYRIE
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