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Mr. Williams and the<br />

postman<br />

Scene: The front door of 65<br />

Shakespeare Avenue, early<br />

one morning<br />

Characters: A postman, Mr. Henry<br />

Williams, Mrs. Agnes Williams<br />

The postman walks up to the front door. He<br />

knocks at the door and rings the bell.<br />

Postman: Good morning! Hello! Wake up!<br />

Mr. Williams opens the door.<br />

Postman: Ah, good morning!<br />

Henry: Good morning.<br />

Postman: Mr. Williams?<br />

Henry: Yes.<br />

Postman: Mr. H. Williams?<br />

Henry: That's right.<br />

Postman: Mr. Henry Williams of 65<br />

Shakespeare Avenue?<br />

Henry: Sixty-five? Er...yes. Have you got<br />

anything for me?<br />

Postman: No.<br />

Henry: No?<br />

Postman: No.<br />

Henry: Then why did you wake me up?<br />

Postman: It's part of my job.<br />

Henry: What? Waking people up?<br />

Postman: Yes. It's a new service from the<br />

Post Office.<br />

Henry: Hmmm. Listen - you're a postman.<br />

Postman: Yes.<br />

Henry: And postmen bring letters.<br />

Postman: Yes.<br />

Henry:<br />

But you haven't brought any for<br />

me.<br />

Postman: Wait a minute, Mr. Williams. I'm<br />

sure I can find something for you.<br />

Um...<br />

(He takes three letters out of his<br />

bag.)<br />

Postman: Ah yes, here we are. Three letters.<br />

Which one would you like?<br />

The red one, the white one, or the<br />

blue one?<br />

Henry: But those letters aren't for me.<br />

Postman: No, Mr. Williams, but this is<br />

another new service from the<br />

Post Office - a new service for all<br />

those unhappy, unfortunate people<br />

who never get any letters.<br />

Henry: Oh<br />

Postman: And you, Mr. Williams, you never<br />

get any letters, do you?<br />

Henry: No, I don't.<br />

Postman: All right then, which one would<br />

you like? The red one, the white<br />

one, or the blue one?<br />

Henry: Mm...I'll have the red one,<br />

please.<br />

Postman: The red one is yours - if you can<br />

answer a simple question.<br />

Henry: A question?<br />

Postman: Yes. Where does Queen Elizabeth<br />

the Second of England live?<br />

Henry: Why? Have you got a letter for<br />

her?(He laughs.)<br />

Postman: No, Mr. Williams. That was the<br />

question. Where does Queen<br />

Elizabeth the Second of England<br />

live?<br />

Henry:<br />

Ah. Where does Queen Elizabeth<br />

live?<br />

Postman: Yes.<br />

Henry: I don't know.<br />

Postman: Mr. Williams! It's easy! B-B-B-<br />

Buck -<br />

Henry: Oh, yes! Buckingham Hotel.<br />

Postman: No, no! Palace!<br />

Henry: Palace Hotel.<br />

Postman: No!<br />

Henry: I know! Buckingham Palace!<br />

Postman: That's right! You've won the red<br />

envelope!<br />

Henry: Oh, thank you! This is very exciting!<br />

(Mr. Williams opens the red envelope.)<br />

Henry: There's nothing in it.<br />

Postman: No, there's never anything in the<br />

red one.<br />

Henry: This is ridiculous!<br />

Postman: No, it isn't. There are still two<br />

more envelopes.<br />

Henry: Yes, but is there anything in<br />

them?<br />

Postman: Of course there is.<br />

Henry: All right. The blue one.<br />

Postman: Very well, Mr. Williams. Here is<br />

the question for the blue envelope.<br />

What is the approximate<br />

population of Great Britain?<br />

Henry: Er...thirty-five million?<br />

Postman: No. Higher.<br />

Henry: Eighty-five million?<br />

Postman: No. Lower.<br />

110 SKETCHES

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