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Mr. Williams and the<br />
postman<br />
Scene: The front door of 65<br />
Shakespeare Avenue, early<br />
one morning<br />
Characters: A postman, Mr. Henry<br />
Williams, Mrs. Agnes Williams<br />
The postman walks up to the front door. He<br />
knocks at the door and rings the bell.<br />
Postman: Good morning! Hello! Wake up!<br />
Mr. Williams opens the door.<br />
Postman: Ah, good morning!<br />
Henry: Good morning.<br />
Postman: Mr. Williams?<br />
Henry: Yes.<br />
Postman: Mr. H. Williams?<br />
Henry: That's right.<br />
Postman: Mr. Henry Williams of 65<br />
Shakespeare Avenue?<br />
Henry: Sixty-five? Er...yes. Have you got<br />
anything for me?<br />
Postman: No.<br />
Henry: No?<br />
Postman: No.<br />
Henry: Then why did you wake me up?<br />
Postman: It's part of my job.<br />
Henry: What? Waking people up?<br />
Postman: Yes. It's a new service from the<br />
Post Office.<br />
Henry: Hmmm. Listen - you're a postman.<br />
Postman: Yes.<br />
Henry: And postmen bring letters.<br />
Postman: Yes.<br />
Henry:<br />
But you haven't brought any for<br />
me.<br />
Postman: Wait a minute, Mr. Williams. I'm<br />
sure I can find something for you.<br />
Um...<br />
(He takes three letters out of his<br />
bag.)<br />
Postman: Ah yes, here we are. Three letters.<br />
Which one would you like?<br />
The red one, the white one, or the<br />
blue one?<br />
Henry: But those letters aren't for me.<br />
Postman: No, Mr. Williams, but this is<br />
another new service from the<br />
Post Office - a new service for all<br />
those unhappy, unfortunate people<br />
who never get any letters.<br />
Henry: Oh<br />
Postman: And you, Mr. Williams, you never<br />
get any letters, do you?<br />
Henry: No, I don't.<br />
Postman: All right then, which one would<br />
you like? The red one, the white<br />
one, or the blue one?<br />
Henry: Mm...I'll have the red one,<br />
please.<br />
Postman: The red one is yours - if you can<br />
answer a simple question.<br />
Henry: A question?<br />
Postman: Yes. Where does Queen Elizabeth<br />
the Second of England live?<br />
Henry: Why? Have you got a letter for<br />
her?(He laughs.)<br />
Postman: No, Mr. Williams. That was the<br />
question. Where does Queen<br />
Elizabeth the Second of England<br />
live?<br />
Henry:<br />
Ah. Where does Queen Elizabeth<br />
live?<br />
Postman: Yes.<br />
Henry: I don't know.<br />
Postman: Mr. Williams! It's easy! B-B-B-<br />
Buck -<br />
Henry: Oh, yes! Buckingham Hotel.<br />
Postman: No, no! Palace!<br />
Henry: Palace Hotel.<br />
Postman: No!<br />
Henry: I know! Buckingham Palace!<br />
Postman: That's right! You've won the red<br />
envelope!<br />
Henry: Oh, thank you! This is very exciting!<br />
(Mr. Williams opens the red envelope.)<br />
Henry: There's nothing in it.<br />
Postman: No, there's never anything in the<br />
red one.<br />
Henry: This is ridiculous!<br />
Postman: No, it isn't. There are still two<br />
more envelopes.<br />
Henry: Yes, but is there anything in<br />
them?<br />
Postman: Of course there is.<br />
Henry: All right. The blue one.<br />
Postman: Very well, Mr. Williams. Here is<br />
the question for the blue envelope.<br />
What is the approximate<br />
population of Great Britain?<br />
Henry: Er...thirty-five million?<br />
Postman: No. Higher.<br />
Henry: Eighty-five million?<br />
Postman: No. Lower.<br />
110 SKETCHES
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