June 2018

Sean tries to respond, but makes the mistake of breathing through his mouth, which means he can sort
of taste Richard and then there isn't enough vomit in his body to throw up.
Paradoxically, Sean eats huge meals before coming to the tree. He had learned that if he looked at
Richard on an empty stomach, his body would just find other things to throw up, like full organs and blood.
It’s like his body thinks, “Nope, that can’t possibly be enough puke for a deranged creature like that. Keep
going.”
Sean had eaten a lot though, and eventually his body was satisfied with the volume of vomit he
expelled.
“Hi Richard.” He says, wiping his mouth with a handkerchief. “I’m ready to try again.”
“Okay, no problem” Richard replies.
Aside from being hot evil, Richard’s primary function is of a gatekeeper. The tree (in addition to being
a house) is a portal to a strange and wonderful land where dogs are always puppies and the wind is mild and
you can always smell freshly cut grass. Did someone say ice cream all the time? You betcha. It is a wonderful
place and Sean desperately wants to go there. He suspects life will be better in the new world. It will be a
place where he will be rich and respected, and he will never say “Good, you?” when a waiter asks him if he is
ready to order.
It is, in short, a paradise. And Sean will do anything to get there. Anything.
Interlude
Holy smokes, this is getting exciting. I thought you could use a break. At this point, I bet you’re thinking
the “anything” Sean will do is going to be dark. Like eat a baby or something. Or maybe Richard will
force him to do pushups.
Rest assured, it’s nothing like that. It’s important you don’t become agitated when reading this story,
because Richard will know. You really don’t want Richard to know what you’re doing. Don’t worry, the story
still has legs, but nothing grotesque happens. Feel better? Great. Let’s continue.
End Interlude.
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