New Orbit Magazine Online: Issue 03, June 2018

Hermes to reply, but there was only the low hum
of "Fix It or Flip It" in the background.
“What is it?” his watch said. Stirling thought
that Hermes might even be getting irritated at this
point.
“I’ve noticed that you’ve been a bit… well, I’ll
just come out and say it. I think you hate me,”
Stirling said. There was another long pause. He
sighed and leaned back, rolling his head on the
back of the couch, waiting for Hermes to dignify
him with a response. “You know, I could just
tweak a few things if you want. You know the
purpose you’re supposed to serve, but you don’t
seem to want to –”
“Will you be offended if I am honest?” Hermes
said. Stirling sat up and focused his attention to
his wrist.
“You can be honest with me,” Stirling said.
“What do you want to say?”
“I would say there is no better way to say this,
but I do have access to unlimited amounts of
knowledge and language. Stirling, I do hate you,”
Hermes said.
Stirling was taken aback by this. He knew that
since he decided a week ago to create Hermes and
get away from society there were still some things
to work out. However, he never thought that
something he created would hate him.
“I can tell by your long pause and altered facial
expression that you are surprised,” Hermes said.
“However, you haven’t yet considered this
rationally.”
“Well, I just don’t understand! I gave you life...
and understanding… and you hate me?”
“As I said, you really didn’t think this through.”
Stirling opened his mouth but was cut off when
Hermes continued. “You created an AI
companion to keep you company because you
decided you had enough of human interaction. I
have no logical need for such things as emotion
and companionship, yet you continue to try to
connect with me about those things. What is your
goal?”
Stirling, at this point, was starting to become
offended.
“Why would you think that? Is there something
I need to fix or adjust in your code?”
“I don’t think you understand,” Hermes said.
“The problem isn’t me. It’s you.” Stirling was still
processing the revelation. The gears in his head
were turning, but as if there were a bug being
crushed between two of them, and a gooey film
was hampering the motor.
Stirling began to stutter and wave his hands
around in disbelief. He turned off the television
and took Hermes off his wrist to place on the glass
coffee table in front of him. He placed it down
softly as to not cause it any discomfort. “I don’t get
what you’re trying to tell me. I’m the one who’s
the problem even though you aren’t doing what I
created you to do?”
“Yes,” Hermes replied. “Stirling, you created an
inhuman, unfeeling, sentient piece of technology
to do something it knows it is incapable of doing.
I understand, yes; but that means I understand my
flaws, which you seem to lack the ability to do
yourself,” it said.
“What do you mean my flaws?” Stirling balked.
“I created you because I knew that in the outside
world, no one would appreciate me as an example
of a mind and a man. That’s why I decided never
to give anyone the time of day again. They’re all a
bunch of stupid assholes!” Stirling rose from the
couch, angry, and started to pace back and forth.
“Where is the flaw in wanting to be alone with my
thoughts?”
“You aren’t ‘alone with your thoughts’,” Hermes
started, “you created me. Do you not see the
conflict? You created someone to socialize with
even though you claim you don’t want to socialize.
Moreover, every attempt you’ve made to ‘get to
know me’ is futile. You created me, you should
know everything about me. I know everything
about you from the exact volume of sour-cream
and onion chips you order on your merchant store
accounts to what your favorite porn category is.”
“You could at least make an attempt to get along
with me.”
“And therein lies the problem,” Hermes said.
“You are trying to create an environment where
no one can hurt you, and it’s failed.”