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18 | november 15, 2018 | Malibu surfside news souND oFF
malibusurfsidenews.com
RiDe oF THe week
The best wheels for the (sometimes) bad guy
FIREBALL TIM LAWRENCE
CONTRIBUTING COLUMNIST
Malibu resident
You want to know
how committed I
am to writing Ride
of the Week?
Well, as my fingers poke
these keys, a massive fire
is blazing its way through
Malibu, currently at Pt.
Dume. But people’s car
stories are important, so
I’m risking life and limb to
bring this week’s column,
featuring actor Patrick
Kilpatrick and his 2017
Jaguar. Seriously, I gotta
write this and then evacuate.
So, let’s do this.
As an actor, Patrick has
been around a long time,
but, according to him, his
name wasn’t always Patrick.
“Everyone assumes
Patrick Kilpatrick is my
made-up stage name, but
the truth is a bit more
strange,” he explains. “I
was born Robert Donald
Kilpatrick Jr., but no one
ever called me that. That
was my father’s name. I
was called Pat from Day
1, then ‘Killer’ from age 9
through college.
“At 13 my social
security number became
Patrick Kilpatrick, then
my driver’s license, then
passport, marriage certificate
all became Patrick. It
floated into legality. More
easily done in pre-Patriot
“One drive and I arrived in engineering heaven,” said actor Patrick Kilpatrick, of his 2017 Jaguar. fireball tiM
lawrenCe/22nd Century Media
Act America. When I
became an actor, they
asked me if I wanted Pat or
Patrick for Screen Actors
Guild. I chose Patrick —
been that way ever since.”
By way of professional
evolution, Kilpatrick has
been a truck driver (without
a license at age 14),
dishwasher, camp counselor,
swimming/tennis/rowing/
sailing instructor, advertising
writer/journalist for
nearly every magazine in
New York City (and most of
the ad agencies), playwright,
theater founder, assistant
director/director on and off
Broadway, lead actor in
about 160 hit films and TV
shows, screenwriter, movie
producer, entertainment
teacher. (OK, hold on as I
need to take a breath.)
And now you can add
published book author.
But he’s largely known
for playing villains against
nearly every leading man
on Earth (and some leading
ladies) and in cinematic
outer space.
And what does a villain
choose to drive but a
2017 Jaguar XJ with a 340
horsepower V6. Kilpatrick
picked up this beast from
Galpin Jaguar in Van Nuys.
They are very good friends
of mine and I recommend
them. According to Kilpatrick,
“It was love at first
glance. I’m a design guy
and I really appreciate the
lines and details.”
“After putting two fine
boys (now young men)
through expensive schools
and three thrifty Toyota
Priuses, I decided I needed
to start living in sexy,
sleek, deceptively awe-inspiring
fast, elegant luxury
automotive comfort,” Kilpatrick
said. “One look at
the car — inside and out
— and I knew I was home.
One drive and I arrived in
engineering heaven. My
back and overall health
rejoiced and do every time
I take it out. I don’t get
50mpg anymore and my
insurance went up, but it’s
well worth the extra money
for the exuberant joy of
living. Life is too short.”
But why this particular
Jag? Kilpatrick speeds on.
“There are so many
truly superb components,”
he explains. “I appreciate
quiet, stay the line,
hyper speed. Everything
about the car sings elegant
performance precision.
The look — black exterior,
black leather interior with
discreet white piping — is
a delight. The dials and circle
centric instrumentation
are fantastic in simplicity
and dynamic visual appeal.
Roomy, four doors, electric
universe — duel front and
rear moon skylights. I can’t
say enough about the rich
experience of driving the
car. All this and more at
about half the price of a
Tesla. At 110 it feels like
you’re doing 50. Excuse
me, officer but you’re
interrupting an exquisite
bonding moment between
man and machine.”
This guy has got it goin’
on.
And what do you use it
for primarily? Just errands,
visiting his sons in Santa
Barbara, dinner/movie
dates with his fiancé, to
slide to the gym and to diss
BMWs, he said.
“Every day I will be in
the car and imagine I want
to be there, I press the accelerator
and I am there.”
And, as we drove PCH
and did an interview for my
show, it felt as if the rest
of the town was whizzing
by in a panic. (Kind of like
right now with the fire!)
But to Kilpatrick, Malibu
is “the ocean air and view
of course, all along Pacific
Coast Highway — night,
day, sunrise, sunset. In the
movie business we call it
‘magic time.’ Glide down
the windows, breathe cool
negative ions coming off
the sea, slide gently but
masterfully along the long
genteel curves in light. It’s
like a massage of the soul,
makes living seem infinitely
more perfect.”
We had a great time
together, just driving and
talking about the biz and
his new book “Dying for
Living.” Grab a copy on
Amazon if you want to
learn about reincarnation
the Hollywood way. Kilpatrick
has died and come
back to life in so many
films that he should start
selling lemonade to St. Peter.
Now I’ve said this before
and I’ll say it again for
anyone who loves being
evil in movies. “Fall down,
pick up check.” There’s no
better way to live, die, then
live again.
Want to be featured in Ride of
the Week? Send Fireball an
email at askfireball@fireball
tim.com.