Vol.14 No.3

jesus should be the center, then the parents
The Problem With The Child-Centered Home
she opened my bedroom
door, reminding her I
was on an important call
and didn’t want to be interrupted.
But she ignored my attempt to quiet her
and asked the question loudly as if MY
ONE FINGER in the air meant nothing.
I pointed again, more forcefully. My 7
year old kept right on talking.
Even my most threatening face didn’t
stop her.
BY KRISTEN WELCHIheld up a finger when
This must be really important, I thought.
I said excuse me to the professional on
the receiver, covered the mouthpiece and
whispered through gritted teeth, “WHAT
IS IT?”
She took a tiny step backward and said,
“I don’t know what to do. I’m bored.”
Y’all, It was nearly a poltergeist moment
for me.
“Go play. Give me 5 more minutes,”
I said seething.
“But mom, I need you to tell me
what to do.”
The rest of the phone call occurred
with me sitting on the
closed toilet behind a locked
door.
And then, a few years ago, we started to
shift to a Jesus-centered home. Instead of
child worship, where we bowed to every
whim and demand from our kids, we refocused
and prioritized our lives. My children
didn’t stop being important. We
didn’t stop loving them unconditionally
or stop meeting their needs. We just
stopped trying to fix every problem and
giving in to every desire.
Teaching our kids how to serve turned
our home right-side up. It’s never too
early to start or too late to try. We started
by picking a few things off this list: 100
Ways to Make a Difference As a Family.
Listen, humans are naturally self-centered.
We want what we
want. Our kids are no
different.
If we build our home
around their every
want, they will let us.
And it may seem easier
because kids
who always
get
When we center our homes around the
wants and demands of our kids, we are
actually hurting them, not helping.
Here are five risks of a child-centered
home:
1. It gives kids the false security that the
world is about them- We can build our
world around our kids, but the world
won’t return the favor. Sooner or later-in
school or at a first job, they will discover
life isn’t always fair and they can’t always
get out of sticky situations.
2. It puts a strain on our marriage-it’s
easy to put children in front of spouses
and when we put kids at the center of the
home, things get out of balance, including
our marriages.
3. It reinforces selfishness-kids don’t
need to be taught selfishness. “Mine” is
usually one of their first words. But constantly
letting the world revolve around
their demand and wishes, only reinforces
selfishness.
4. It puts a responsibility and pressure
on children they weren’t meant to carry.
Kids weren’t designed to carry the burden
of getting their way all the time. Not
only is it unhealthy, I believe kids want
restrictions and guidelines. It’s another
way we show them how much we love
them.
5. It makes them a challenge outside of
home (school, church, etc). Enough said.
When I hung up a few minutes later,
I kept thinking about my daughter’s
words. I need you to tell me what
to do.
I’m not a stranger to a child-centered
home. For years, we let our kids determine
restaurants we ate at, we gave them
ample choices, we backed down from
consequences, we centered our lives
around their extracurricular activities,
we added fun kid stuff to every weekend
so they wouldn’t be bored, and when
they asked us what they were supposed
to do for fun, we told them. Some days,
we still reap the effects of it.
“happy.”
Until they don’t get what they want.
And then watch out.
what
they
want
seem
My greatest calling is being a mom. I love
my children and I’m grateful for them.
But that doesn’t mean they are the sun
and I should orbit around them in submission.
Refocusing our homes, centering them
around Christ instead of our children
isn’t easy. It takes consistent, hard work.
And when our kids are begging for us to
tell them what to do, we should hide in
the bathroom. Or give them time to answer
their own question.
Oh, and I found the perfect thing for my
daughter to do. Her room has never
looked better.
Kristen is author of ‘Raising Grateful Kids
in an Entitled World’ available, like this
magazine, at all Barnes and Nobles Bookstores.
18 WWW.AMERICAN CHRISTIAN VOICE.COM | VOL.14 #3