Siouxland Magazine - May 2019

non-profit
community
family
small business
people
“
I wouldn’t feel loss again for another
15 years, when it seemed as though
the flood gates opened, and the
23 years of happiness would catch
up to me.
”
Before I get to this, a little more about the time between.
My parents were amazing and were an amazing source of
strength for me. I wonder now if this isn’t why I felt that my
younger self only remembers happiness. Did my parents
protect me from so much that I didn’t get the chance to
understand how life really works? I shouldn’t say they
didn’t allow us to make our own choices, but maybe they
could have allowed us to “feel” our way through life even
more than we did. At 18 years old, I thought I was in love.
I got married right after graduation. It was so against what
I had planned for myself, but he was the first person that
convinced me that what he wanted was what I wanted.
The next three years was my “push from the nest”. My
parents were clear in their decision to allow me to be adult,
since I felt I was adult enough to make the big decision to
get married. The freedom and independence I once had
so freely was now taken from me the moment I moved
2,000 miles away, with my new life. I was no longer allowed
to make decisions for myself. This included the clothes and
make-up or the friends I kept. I could hold a job; however, I
didn’t have any control of the money other than depositing
my checks into his account. He made it clear that he was
the decision maker and my sole purpose was to keep him
happy. I allowed him to verbally abuse me to the point of
tears. Should I do anything against him, it was to attract the
attention of other men and that I was nothing more than
a “cheating whore”. In the end I realized it was him who
was cheating. I did make my way out of this relationship. I
don’t have any real memories of living in Washington D.C.
with him other than fragments of what it was. I have been
asked if I wish my parents had stopped me from making
this decision. I can say that I don’t.
Stopping me would have only changed my view of my
parents and would not have taught me the lessons.
Three years after graduation, I finally made my way to
cosmetology school, which led me back home near my
family. A couple years later I met the one. Jason had the
strength and commitment I needed. I know now that,
Me and Jason Geurts at our backyard wedding
“
I learned from what I experienced. It
provided me the compassion for the
marriage I have now, even when life
seems to push against it.
”
even though I had the “lust” for my first husband, it was the
commitment Jason has that I needed for a future.
After two years of dating, Jason asked me to marry him.
Just before Christmas we were on our way to find a place
to eat and having a conversation about our Christmas plans
with our families. I was teasing him about being the only
boyfriend to make it to two Christmas’ in a row. That is
when he asked me to make it EVERY Christmas. It was a
good feeling to know my life was back on track. I was a
hairstylist, with a great relationship and a wonderful family.
A few months later my mother sat us down and told us
she had lung cancer. Of course, my mom tried protecting
us from the truth about what this reality was. For several
months before her diagnosis she was sick and when asked
about it, she said she has pneumonia, yet avoided getting
seen for it. I understand now that she had an instinct of
what she really had but felt living a few more days in denial
was acceptable, since it was the holidays.