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SUNDAY Vanguard, AUGUST 18 , 2019, PAGE 23<br />
08112662589<br />
Your next fling could virtually be at your doorstep!<br />
Although there are no<br />
official statistics of<br />
women currently<br />
romping with anyone as low<br />
as their paid drivers, ask<br />
around and you’re hound to<br />
be treated to stories of women<br />
who’ve dabbled into taking romance<br />
to the level that makes<br />
them devilishly selfish! And before<br />
you recoil in horror and start<br />
talking about improper conduct<br />
on the part of these male subordinates,<br />
bear in mind that majority<br />
of the men involved admit<br />
to initiating the relationships<br />
themselves. |Like Stella, 42, who<br />
seduced one of the facilitators at<br />
the computer school she set up a<br />
few years ago.<br />
“When Akeem started lecturing<br />
part time at my school to augment<br />
his salary as a bank clerk, I<br />
was instantly attracted to him because<br />
I thought he looked vulnerable,<br />
said Stella. “He was<br />
also a good lecturer and listened<br />
as if what I had to say to him<br />
really mattered. It didn’t take me<br />
long to decide to seduce him, even<br />
though he was almost ten years<br />
younger. I knew I had to bid my<br />
time in gaining his trust. As good<br />
looking as he was, he wasn’t<br />
brash. Pounce on someone like<br />
that and you’ll look like a cradle<br />
snatcher. I became nicer to him<br />
than I ought, and encouraging<br />
his budding relationship with his<br />
girlfriend, whilst gently flirting<br />
with him.<br />
The night I asked him to say<br />
for dinner (the computer school<br />
Loud Whispers<br />
With<br />
Erelu Bisi Fayemi<br />
is on my premises), I piled him with<br />
good food and booze. Afterwards,<br />
we retired to the sofa and I had the<br />
most mind-bugling sex I’d had for<br />
years. Apparently, he was on to my<br />
scheme and happily played along.<br />
“Akeem later got married but not<br />
before we’d had a torrid affair for<br />
one year. I let him go after his marriage<br />
so he could concentrate on<br />
building a good home”.<br />
Big Brother Naija: Some<br />
matters arising<br />
ig Brother is an international<br />
Breality TV show that was created<br />
as an experimental game to see<br />
how human beings would relate to<br />
each other if kept sequestered for<br />
an extended period of time, usually<br />
up to three months, having minimal<br />
contact with the outside world. Over<br />
the years, the results have ranged<br />
from hilarious and entertaining to<br />
outright scandalous. The novelty of<br />
watching a handful of young adults<br />
languishing in a house for weeks on<br />
end doing next to nothing never<br />
seems to wear off enough to discourage<br />
investments in the show. The<br />
more scandalous and outrageous<br />
the behaviour in the house, the more<br />
the ratings. With ratings comes sponsorship.<br />
The notoriety acquired<br />
from participating in the show is<br />
enough to guarantee a long-term<br />
win for most of the contestants, winners<br />
and losers alike.<br />
I watched most of Big Brother Africa<br />
Season 1 in 2003. The show was<br />
on when I got home from work, and<br />
I was not paying much attention to<br />
it until a question came up. One of<br />
the participants asked ‘When did the<br />
genocide in Rwanda happen’? The<br />
other housemates gave responses to<br />
the question. None of them got it<br />
right. I was so shocked I dropped<br />
what I was doing and starred at the<br />
TV. I could not believe what I was<br />
watching and hearing. The only one<br />
who seemed to come close to a right<br />
answer was Gaetano Kagwa from<br />
Uganda who said ‘ I think it was<br />
1995’. The 1994 Rwandan Genocide<br />
is one of the most devastating<br />
events in Africa’s history. No African,<br />
regardless of where they live<br />
should be ignorant of this terrible<br />
chapter. It is like being a Jew and<br />
not knowing about the Holocaust.<br />
The housemates all seemed to be<br />
young, most<br />
of them under<br />
30, from<br />
different<br />
countries<br />
and backgrounds.<br />
It<br />
dawned on<br />
me that people<br />
of my<br />
generation<br />
needed to<br />
pay more attention<br />
to<br />
w h a t<br />
younger<br />
people were<br />
saying be-<br />
With Beth, familiarity came<br />
with the surgeon that operated on<br />
her when she had a car accident.<br />
“I had a broken leg and ribs”, she<br />
recalled, “|and <strong>over</strong> the years, he<br />
performed a lot of check-ups and<br />
three more operations after the<br />
few major ones. Whenever we<br />
met, he’d be flirtatious and it was<br />
inevitable that I developed a big<br />
crush on him. When I had my last<br />
fore the inter-generational gap widened<br />
even further. I never became a<br />
Big Brother fan, but I treated the show<br />
as an acquired taste. I watched highlights<br />
whenever I was able and filed<br />
away whatever I learnt from the shenanigans<br />
of the housemates. The show<br />
is about real life – choices (wise and<br />
foolish), dreams, hopes, creativity, immorality,<br />
friendship, lust, the list is<br />
endless.<br />
Big Brother Naija (BBN) which is<br />
meant to be the Nigerian version of<br />
the show has generated so much contr<strong>over</strong>sy,<br />
thanks to the hawkish nature<br />
of social media these days, that everyone<br />
is now an authority on the ills of<br />
reality TV. The moral brigade is out<br />
in full force, with many calling for the<br />
cancellation of a show that has admittedly<br />
become increasingly brazen,<br />
especially in relation to sexual matters.<br />
As stated above, I am not a Big<br />
Brother advocate, but I am a fan of<br />
rational thinking. These are some my<br />
thoughts on the Big Brother Naija ‘crisis’<br />
1.GREECE WON THE OLYM-<br />
PICS BUT THE STADIUMS WILL<br />
BE IN SPAIN<br />
The serious objection I have to Big<br />
Brother Nigeria is that it is being recorded<br />
in South Africa. With all due<br />
respect to our sister African country,<br />
this is not right. The arguments that<br />
Nigeria lacks the capacity to host the<br />
show are ridiculous and those mouthing<br />
the excuses, Nigerians and South<br />
Africans alike should be ashamed of<br />
themselves. Yes, Nigeria would have<br />
presented a challenge in terms of<br />
power supply, security, technical support<br />
and so on, but what happened to<br />
building capacity? Big Brother is big<br />
business, but it should be interested in<br />
not only milking the massive market<br />
that exists in a country like Nigeria, it<br />
should also be able to help build infrastructure.<br />
All the material, technological<br />
and human resources required<br />
to host the show would have<br />
created jobs and provided income<br />
for Nigeria. It sounds like Greece<br />
winning the Olympic games and<br />
building the stadiums in Spain.<br />
2 ‘FAST FOOD TV’ IS HERE TO<br />
STAY<br />
All those screaming themselves<br />
hoarse <strong>over</strong> the impropriety of Big<br />
Brother Naija are welcome to the<br />
world of what I call ‘Fast Food TV’.<br />
The world of The Jerry Springer<br />
Show, Keeping up with the<br />
Kardashians, Real Housewives ,<br />
Married at First Sight, Wives and<br />
Girlfriends (WAGS) of Miami, and<br />
so on. The world of the insane, the<br />
inane and the inexplicable. Not everyone<br />
wants ‘Fine Dining’. My favourite<br />
TV channel is The History<br />
Channel, followed closely by National<br />
Geographic (but not when<br />
they are showing snakes and spiders).<br />
However, every now and then<br />
I have a ‘TV hamburger’ when I am<br />
switching channels and come across<br />
an episode of Real Housewives of<br />
somewhere or the Kardashians. I am<br />
fascinated by the dramas of people<br />
who never seem to have any work to<br />
do other than shop, eat, dress up and<br />
go on vacation. I however cannot<br />
stomach more than a few minutes<br />
of TV ‘French fries’. If fast food is<br />
your thing, good. If not, reach for<br />
the remote control.<br />
3. UNDERSTAND THE SHOW<br />
– IT IS A GAME FOR ADULTS<br />
Big Brother is a game for adults.<br />
For a period of three months, live<br />
with complete strangers and during<br />
that time, show them your best and<br />
worst behaviour, manipulate, ingratiate,<br />
show leadership, make friends,<br />
incite enemies, do whatever you can<br />
to remain popular, entertaining and<br />
relevant to avoid being voted off the<br />
show. The housemates are mostly<br />
single adults and after being cooped<br />
up for weeks on end, with alcohol<br />
flowing freely, hormones go into<br />
<strong>over</strong>drive and naughty things start<br />
happening. The more discreet steal<br />
touches and snuggle under the blankets.<br />
The more brazen go further. Too<br />
disgusting, offensive and immoral?<br />
Reach for the remote, just as I do<br />
when I have had enough ‘TV fast<br />
food’.<br />
4. LET US RESPECT THE<br />
RIGHTS OF OTHERS<br />
In the interests of protecting our<br />
collective human rights, those calling<br />
for the scrapping of BBN should<br />
operation, he said he wanted a relationship<br />
with me now, I would<br />
no longer be his patient. I was<br />
elated and with him I was able to<br />
get back my libido in the most<br />
amazing way!”<br />
Unfortunately, not all ‘familiarity’<br />
relationships that breed lust<br />
end up in the bedroom. Roli, who<br />
now co-runs an events-management<br />
outfit recalled falling head<br />
Our policy makers<br />
should concern<br />
themselves with laws and<br />
regulations that can<br />
address our problems<br />
take it easy. We cannot mount surveillance<br />
<strong>over</strong> what is appropriate<br />
for consenting adults to watch. The<br />
show is rated 18, and people should<br />
learn how to operate the Parental<br />
Guidance controls on their televisions.<br />
If we go down this road, one<br />
day some people will call for the<br />
banning of all those indigenous Africa<br />
Magic Movie channels full of<br />
witches, Juju men and the like. Then<br />
we will have a full blown war on our<br />
hands. Do you have any idea how<br />
many people are fans of Africa<br />
Magic?<br />
5. THINGS ARE NOT AL-<br />
WAYS WHAT THEY SEEM<br />
Thinking about shows like the<br />
Kardashians and the Real Housewives<br />
of wherever, the beautiful, wellgroomed<br />
people who pass their time<br />
engaging in one meaningless drama<br />
or vacation after the other are not as<br />
stupid as they come across. They are<br />
mostly shrewd, calculating entrepreneurs<br />
who are acting out a script for<br />
which they are well remunerated<br />
through their modelling contracts,<br />
endorsements and sales of merchandise.<br />
The scale of youth unemployment<br />
in our countries is a huge cause<br />
for concern. If sponsors of BBN are<br />
dangling a cash prize of U$100,000<br />
for the lucky winner, it makes sense<br />
that the housemates would outdo<br />
themselves to win. The prize money<br />
for Big Brother Africa is U$300,000.<br />
From the Big Brother Africa/Naija<br />
shows, we have seen the on-show<br />
notoriety ploughed into careers in<br />
modelling, acting, radio and TV,<br />
music and public relations.<br />
6.WE NEED TO TALK<br />
I have made the case for the remote<br />
control, freedom of expression,<br />
career advancement, and I have appealed<br />
to the moral police to sheathe<br />
their weapons. We however need to<br />
talk, and I mean the sponsors, the<br />
young people on these shows or those<br />
thinking of going on some day. There<br />
is a thin line between bravery and<br />
stupidity, and the roaring flames that<br />
<strong>over</strong> heels in love with her theatre<br />
arts lecturer at the university.<br />
According to her, “lessons he<br />
gave included choreography and<br />
I’d been attending dancing lessons,<br />
all the time fantasizing<br />
what he would be like in the sack<br />
when I intensified flirting with<br />
him. Then I bumped into him at<br />
a cousin’s party and he talked me<br />
into going back to his place. We<br />
continued laughing and dancing<br />
when we went back to his flat before<br />
falling into bed. It was then<br />
that I realised he was rushing me<br />
to have sex with him and I became<br />
apprehensive. I don’t normally<br />
drink much and all I had<br />
at his place was a gin and tonic.<br />
But I felt really woozy and realised<br />
he must have given me more<br />
gin than tonic. I protested when<br />
he started fiddling with my<br />
clothes and insisted ongoing<br />
home. He refused of course, and<br />
inspite of my protest, forced himself<br />
on me.<br />
“When I got out of his flat and<br />
he took me home, I was actually<br />
shaking. It was then I realised he<br />
could be really creepy. He was a<br />
lot older than me, but because he<br />
was my lecturer and I felt safe<br />
with him I didn’t realise what a<br />
nutter he was. In class, flirting<br />
with him seemed naughty, like seducing<br />
the teacher you fancied in<br />
school, but the reality of what<br />
happened with him when we were<br />
finally alone was disturbing.<br />
Which goes to show it’s not all<br />
the time you let your head rule<br />
your heart”.<br />
look welcoming on a cold day can<br />
also consume you. Yes, you own your<br />
breasts and your ‘eggplants’, and I<br />
am sure they look very attractive.<br />
But do you really need to unleash<br />
all your business on millions of viewers/voyeurs?<br />
I am not sure all the<br />
breast sucking and blow jobs are<br />
necessary. If you are seeking a career<br />
in show business or the entertainment<br />
industry, risky sexual behaviour<br />
will not necessarily open<br />
doors for you, it will only make you<br />
vulnerable and disposable.<br />
7. A WORD FOR FEMALE<br />
HOUSEMATES<br />
For the young women, we still live<br />
in a different universe from men. The<br />
handsome young man on the Big<br />
Brother shows can bonk all the<br />
women in the house and still go on<br />
to win, hey, people (including other<br />
women) will keep voting people out<br />
for him to stay so he can score some<br />
more! Sadly, hypocrisy and double<br />
standards still reign. The women are<br />
the sluts, the tramps who get voted<br />
out once they have the audacity to<br />
put their breasts up for consumption.<br />
Sexy does not have to be trashy<br />
and a total lack of inhibition is quite<br />
dangerous.<br />
For all those who are not fans of<br />
shows like Big Brother but have no<br />
interest in jumping on the ‘banish’<br />
bandwagon, I suggest we should<br />
aggressively promote alternatives.<br />
If you are in a position to do so, step<br />
up and sponsor shows that promote<br />
real talent such as entrepreneurship,<br />
writing, debating, acting and so on.<br />
Our policy makers should concern<br />
themselves with laws and regulations<br />
that can address our problems such<br />
as creating livelihoods, ending discrimination<br />
and violence against<br />
women and making sure that we attract<br />
and not chase away people who<br />
use us to amass subscribers and then<br />
take the show elsewhere to record.<br />
The problem is we all know the<br />
benefits of eating healthily and<br />
regular exercise, but when no one<br />
is looking, we reach for the<br />
burgers and French fries. Oh, it is<br />
those Kardashians on again. Let<br />
me watch for a few<br />
minutes…………………..where is<br />
my remote control?<br />
Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender<br />
Specialist, Social Entrepreneur<br />
and Writer. She is the Founder<br />
of Abovewhispers.com, an online<br />
community for women. She can be<br />
reached<br />
at<br />
BAF@abovewhispers.com
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