The Good Life – September-October 2019

FATHERS | MR. FULL-TIME DAD
Five Stages of Toddler Sleep
WRITTEN BY: BEN HANSON
It’s 8:02 p.m. Macklin’s mama and I exchange knowing
looks, reluctantly nod our heads and announce to our
audience of one that it’s time for bed. Our nightly dance is
about to begin, and we wonder, as we start the chase, what
new moves may be introduced into the well-worn routine.
it past
Three seconds later, the sounds of
three-year-old fists banging down
doors made clear we hadn’t yet made
stage two.
Some nights, with naive optimism, I think back to the
days when Mack was an infant and wanted nothing more
than a quick night time bottle before being left alone to
fall quickly asleep in his crib. There wasn’t much cuddling
or soothing required in those early days. If you wanted to
sneak a snuggle, you had to risk waking him up by taking
him out of his crib mid-slumber.
It was well worth it — and still is to steal those precious
moments of silent bonding — but lately, we’ve been getting
our fill during the hour-plus emotional extravaganza that is
toddler bedtime.
My wife, Emily, is a highly experienced and sought after
child and adolescent therapist. A real pro, in other words.
I do my best to follow her lead and pick up on the lessons
she teaches through her interactions with Mack. Her
patience rarely expires, but some nights the challenge of
getting Mack into bed (and keeping him there) can push
even her to the limit.
In the middle of one recent bout with an especially tired
boy, she walked out of Mack’s room and announced, “This
is like grief therapy … hoping we hit acceptance here soon.”
2 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
Emily nailed it. Like I said, she’s a pro. Mack’s bedtime
has evolved into what we now call the five stages of
toddler sleep grief. Our goal is to navigate our way
through as quickly and as quietly as possible.
Denial
It’s now 8:02 p.m. … and ten seconds. The proclamation
of bedtime has been made, and Mack — right on cue —
issues his retort: “No it’s not.” He’s in full-on denial, often
going even further. “I want to wind up!’ he shouts before
turning his back to make his escape. Next to acceptance,
denial is the easiest stage to get past … I simply catch
him, throw him over my shoulder and march him up to
his room.
Anger
8:05 p.m. Time for some old fashioned kicking and
screaming. It’s best to just keep your distance for a few
minutes and let the little guy wear himself down on his
own. It’s not a fool-proof strategy, but it’s better than
catching an errant kick to the shorts. At some point,
we do have to jump in and pry him out of his clothes
before steering him into the bathroom to pee and brush
teeth … and yes, cry-brushing is a common occurrence,