Movement 123
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a.<br />
L .*.<br />
the<br />
speaker<br />
guilttripped<br />
everyone<br />
into<br />
steppin$<br />
forward<br />
and<br />
$iving<br />
Stuart<br />
what was<br />
in their<br />
pockets<br />
Got a<br />
comment on<br />
the column?<br />
Talk to Wood<br />
at www.<br />
movement.<br />
org.ulV<br />
forum<br />
Wood is a<br />
freelance<br />
writer, living in<br />
Swansea.<br />
ln previous columns, l've talked<br />
about people's stories. l've changed<br />
the names. And, like a lot of columnists<br />
in the confessional game, l've not been<br />
averse to slipping one or two of my own stories in.<br />
You just do that. The important thing is that this<br />
particular story is not about me. I got it secondhand<br />
from the individual in question. This is my<br />
- probably slightly hazy - interpretation of a story<br />
he told me, and so the facts may well be distorted.<br />
Or rather, I really hope they are.<br />
had been attending<br />
a church for some years, which styled itself as a<br />
'NewTestament' church. Charismatic, upbeat, hands<br />
in the air, people speaking in tongues, dancing, that<br />
sort of thing. I make no judgement on that. lf it floats<br />
your boat on the old Sea of Faith, it's fine by me.<br />
My friend - let's call him Stuart -<br />
atlantis<br />
and me<br />
Every so often they'd say how you've 'got to be blessed<br />
to be a blessing,' - they appeared to believe that<br />
you were only able to do good work for the Kingdom<br />
if you were rolling in it and happy and stuff. Stuart<br />
wasn't really happy with that. After one guest speaker<br />
had talked on the whole prosperity kick, Stuart sent a<br />
brief e-mail to the leaders of the church with his concerns.<br />
lnevitably, the reply came that Stuart didn't<br />
understand what the man was saying, and that he<br />
should think about it and pray about it a bit more.<br />
One time Stuart turned up, and it was his birthday.<br />
The sermon was about giving. The speaker got him<br />
to stand out the front, holding a collection basket,<br />
and said something like, 'ls Stuart here your<br />
Christian Brother? Do you love him? Well, it's his<br />
birthday. Come out and give him what's in your<br />
pockets.' And the speaker guilt+ripped the congregation<br />
into stepping forward and giving Stuart what<br />
was in their pockets, one by one. Stuart stood, helpless<br />
like a bunny in the headlights, as five-, ten- and<br />
twenty-pound notes rained into his pot.<br />
He couldn't give it back. He'd been given so much<br />
money that he had no idea who had given him what,<br />
and it was pointless trying to give it back. I must admit<br />
that had I been in this position, it would have<br />
been drinks on me at the pub that night, but Stuart<br />
felt really bad about having been used to guilt-trip a<br />
congregation, and so he gave the money to charity.<br />
And he started thinking about leaving the church.<br />
This is the part of the column where I break from<br />
Stuart's story for a minute to explain about 'love<br />
bombing'. That's when someone new joins up and the<br />
group makes them very welcome. They shower the<br />
newbie with affection and support, both emotional<br />
wood ingham's tales<br />
from the world of<br />
the stran$e and the<br />
christian student<br />
the new testament love bomb<br />
and material. You turn up and within a few weeks,<br />
they've offered you a membership card, and everybody<br />
at church has invited you to dinner. Which<br />
doesn't sound so bad, except that when a member of<br />
the group ceases to toe the party line in any way, they<br />
take away all that affection and support in one stroke'<br />
You get it back if you come back into the light, but if<br />
you don't, they'll never talk to you again.<br />
It was the Moonies that came up with this, but an<br />
awful lot of churches do it. They don't necessarily<br />
mean to do it - it comes naturally. Stuart's church<br />
had a lot of people who were like that. This didn't actually<br />
include the ministers, but it included enough<br />
prominent members of the congregation to make<br />
Stuart feel really uncomfortable about leaving. He'd<br />
heard a whole load of bitching directed against people<br />
who'd left the church and against the churches<br />
they'd gone to, and he began to feel it was a really<br />
big deal. The church had a big deal about authority,<br />
too. You were supposed to listen to their ministers,<br />
prophets and apostles, and if you were a member<br />
- and you had to be a signed-up member to get involved<br />
in church activities - the importance of tithing<br />
your income to the church was hammered home.<br />
So it wasn't just a question of skipping out and going<br />
somewhere else. lt was a really big deal. He spent<br />
a long time wondering whether he could go through<br />
with it. And he couldn't go quietly. People had noticed<br />
that he was edging towards the periphery. He was assigned<br />
to a housegroup. The Bible group leader turned<br />
up at Stuart's place a few times, trying to get him to<br />
attend. The group was called 'Men Sharpening Men'<br />
(no, I honestly don't think that they even realised).<br />
He decided to give the place one last chance. So he<br />
turned up one Sunday and kept a low profile, sitting<br />
right at the back. During this service, one of the<br />
church's 'prophets' stood up between songs and said<br />
that he felt Cod wanted him to encourage everyone to<br />
demonstrate their love for one another. He got down<br />
off the platform and gave the wife of one of the elders<br />
a massive hug. One of the ministers stood up and said,<br />
maybe they should all show their love for one another<br />
while the band played the next couple of songs. And if<br />
there's someone looking lonely or isolated, well, they<br />
should especially give those people hugs. Stuart, not<br />
the physically demonstrative sort at the best of times,<br />
stood, transfixed in horror, as the band began to play,<br />
and everybody in the church started to give each other<br />
warm embraces. He bolted, running a gauntlet of a<br />
half-dozen people who all wanted to hug him. A few<br />
days later, he wrote them a letter resigning his membership,<br />
and he hasn't been back since. I<br />
24 movement