Movement 103

I
REVELATION, like most apocalyptic texts, is
vague and rambling: lots of trumpets, tons
of brimstone, a lamb, a sheep and a dog
called Colin. Not really. (Actually, in my
younger and more vulnerable years I
thought the seven seals referred to the
blubbery sea mammal creatures, not to
divinely manufactured book bindings. Quite
how this team of cute circus performers
were to act as the harbingers of doom I
don't know - but l'm sure those comedy car
horns had a role to play.)
However, if Revelation is to be believed
then sceptics can expect a rough time.
Though vague with dates, St John the
Divine's visions specifo punishment in no
uncertain terms: 'lt was given that they
should not kill them but that they should be
tormented five months.' Not a few weeks,
or until the end of the Easter holidays, but a
very specific five months.
Like Asahara other prophecy-wonkers
have allied the writings of Nostradamus with
passages from Revelation to produce a
date. Of course, what Nostradamus fans
gloss over is not that he gets it right but that
he gets it nearly right. His most famous
prediction, that a man in the 20th century
called Hister would rampage throughout
Europe and be responsible for millions of
deaths is close but
no cigar. That there
was a man in
Germany called
Hister about this
time we can take as
almost certain.
Perhaps he was
cruel; an alcoholic;
threw stones at
windows whilst a
youngster. But did
he invade Poland
thus precipitating
the Second World
War? No! that was
Hitler, not Hister.
Leave Hister alone.
What I'm trying to
say is that when it
come to prophecies
which entail physical
discomfort, nay, five months worth of torture
I demand accuracy. Nostradamus is simply
too sloppy.
So where does all this leave us? Still in
a state of unknowing. What's new? Take
heart. The millennium can at least be good
for business if nothing else. Some
Evangelical Christians from the US have
r Nostradasmus gets it nearly right. Hitler: invaded Poland and
precipated WW l; Hister: threw stones at windows whilst a youngster.
sold their assets and relocated to the Mount
of Olives overlooking Jerusalem. lndeed, The
Mount of Olives Hotel has written to 2000
Christian groups in the US asking, 'How
would you like to be staying at the Mount of
Olives Hotel the day that Jesus returns?'
The hotel is run by Palestinian Muslims.
(MARK WALBANK)
Paperless magazines
SCM's WEBSITE has recently been
revamped (www.charis.co.uly'scm). lt
features uptodate information on activities
across the country and is linked to ongoing
campaigns. The new set-up also means that
Movement taken off from SCM's site
because it now has its own independent but
connected website: "Movement online and
off-message" (http://members.aol.com/
movemagl/online/welcome.html). lt is
home to the majestic retrospective compiled
by Graeme Burk, and has an expanded Best
of Serpent; there are highlights from the
current magazine, previews from forthcoming
issues (as and when they happen).
A warning however: it is embryonic and
experimental. So what it lacks in technowizardy,
it makes up for in passion.
There doesn't seem to be much
intelligent engagement with faith 'out there'
- it'is often becomes proselytizing and
points scoring. Their potential of discussion
groups is mind-blowing (and a topic for a
future '@lternative worlds' anyone?). So if
there are some hidden gems I love to know.
At the very least, I'd be interested to add
links to other web-sites that explore SCMy
issues or promote a similar ethos - please
let me know what there are and I can
endeavour to include them.
HERE'S A couple in a humourous vein to get
you started. lf you haven't had a look at
www.shipof-fools.com yet, you really
should. Ship Of Fools was launched on April
Fool's Day 1998, and has gained a large
following. lt was originally a shoruived
satirical print publication in eighties; but
those fools were reunited for this online
production. lt is a huge site, impressive in
terms of design and content. My favourites
include The Fruitcake Zone, John Calvin's
Newsround and Gadgets for God. This
includes the marvellous Hot Air Jesus: 'he's
quite simply the biggest cadget for God
we've ever seen'.
Whereas the Shipof-Fools has a lighthearted,
chuckly feel, The Door is for those
who like there humour to have a bit more
bite. lt is primarily a print magazine, which
also happens to have an online presence
(wwwthedoor.org). This digest only gives a
flavour of The Door, which can be obtained
movement 15
very expensively on import, but is well worth
a peek. "For 25 years this bimonthly
magazine has been deflating religious
pomposity wherever it has been found," they
say. The targets can be a bit soft : ('How the
Amish Party Like it's 1699'suggests such
activities such as "Burning past the square
dance on a seriously rad Clydesdale" and a
"Wet bonnet contest.")
It hails from the States, so some references
fly by, but there's enough a surfeit of
religious pomposity and a cornucopia of
wacko groups to choose from. Ihe Door has
entertained a cult audience for 25 years so
it must be doing something right. Not always
though: the recent Springfield Blessing
issue, (a take on the Toronto blessing) has
got them embroiled in with Ihe Simpsons'
lawyers for having broken "every copyright
law in the countryl" Most entertainingly of
all, it all arose because they did an interview
with the guy who does Ned Flander's voice,
who informally said it was fine to use
whatever images they liked. (Honestly! Small
time outfits that think they can ignore the
basic legalities of publishing!)
And get the address right: if you omit
the hyphen, as I did first time, you end up
immersed in The Open Door Fellowship in
Minneapolis. The lilac colour
scheme is almost as upsetting
as their mix of singles'
dinners, sports ministries and
Bible studies for newly
marrieds. You've got to worry
about a church that displays a
weekly giving update.
(TrM WOODCOCK)