Magazine_ October 2019

Dealing With
Difficult People
Remain C.O.O.L
Cool is an acronym for Control,
yOur, emOtional Language.
Emotional Language is your
words, tone, body language and
gestures. These are intended to
produce a feeling in the
individual you are directing
towards. Language is about
feelings. You express feelings
through words.
People don’t say happy
comments when they’re sad, or
positive remarks when they are
filled with negativity. How and
what you feel has a huge
impact on what you say.
Emotions are the packaging of
feelings, the outward wrapping,
indicating what shelf to place it
on.
Some techniques to help you
be C.O.O.L
Watch your words; they will
become actions. Watch your
actions; they will become habits.
Watch your habits; they will
become your character.
Listening
Listening and understanding
draws people in, it connects
them to you. Debating and
disagreeing pushes people
away and disconnects them
from you. Here are 4 steps to
aid in listening to difficult
people:
1. Listen first
2. Demonstrate respect
3. Clarify your expectations
4. Practice accountability
Widening Your Perspective
When you feel offended by
someone’s words or actions, try
to come up with multiple ways of
viewing the situation before
reacting. For example, I may be
tempted to think that my coworker
is ignoring my messages, or I can
consider the possibility that she’s
been very busy. When you avoid
personalizing other people's
behaviors, you can perceive their
expressions more objectively.
People do what they do because
of them more than because of
you. Widening your perspective
on the situation can reduce the
possibility of misunderstanding.
The point is to remind yourself
that people do what they do
because of their own issues. As
long as you’re being reasonable
and considerate; the difficult
behaviors from others say a great
deal more about them than they
do about you. By depersonalizing,
you can view the
situation more objectively, and
come up with better ways of
solving the problem.
It’s helpful to remember that most
difficult people have positive
qualities as well, especially if you
know how to generate them.
Save time, energy, and grief
Not all difficult individuals we
face require direct confrontation
about their behavior. There are
two scenarios which you might
decide not to get involved:
The first is when someone has
temporary or situational power
over you. For example, if you
are on the phone with an
unfriendly customer service
representative, as soon as you
hang up and call someone else
this representative will no longer
have power over you.
The second scenarios is when
you derive a certain benefit. An
example of this would be an
annoying coworker. Although you
dislike her, she excels at
providing analysis for your team,
so she’s worth your patience.
In both scenarios, you have the
power to decide if a situation is
serious enough to confront. Think
twice and fight the battles that are
truly worth fighting.