Mother&Baby Mar20

Baby&Toddler
Love is
all around us
You are your baby’s first love – here’s how to build on your bond
and support his ability to forge connections as he grows…
tip
A recent study found that
men who take their babies
out of the house in a sling
develop a stronger relationship
with them. So grab a carrier
and make 15-minute walks
a regular date – it works
for mums too!
WORDS HATTIE GARLICK PHOTOGRAPHY SHUTTERSTOCK, ADOBE STOCK
At this time of year we’re
constantly being bombarded
by hearts and flowers and mad,
overblown images of romance
that most of us fall well short of
in our usual day-to-day lives.
But there is one rush you feel that means
more than a million Valentine’s Day cards
and a houseful of flowers – that crazy little
thing called love you have with your baby.
Because, right now, you’re the centre of his
universe, and the very first person he’ll have
a relationship with. You are his first love.
And it’s from the bond he makes with
you that he’ll learn how to handle all of his
future connections as he grows. Yes, all of
his future friends, playmates, even romantic
relationships, will stem from your special
bond. Research suggests that the quality of
the relationships in your child’s early years
will affect almost every aspect of his later
development, from his self-confidence to
his motivation to learn and his ability
to forge friendships. By understanding
how your baby bonds with you, you
can support these developing skills.
Just like any relationship, the
moment true love strikes happens at
different times for different people:
some mums feel a strong bond growing
with their bump, some find it’s love at first
sight, while for some it can take days or
months for it to form and strengthen. But
whichever way it happens, it does happen.
Attachment is based on familiarity so, simply
by being with your baby, your bond grows.
From your baby’s point of view, though,
this connection happens from the get-go.
‘From the moment of birth, if not before,
babies appear to have innate mechanisms that
prompt them to learn about who looks after
them, and who can teach them about social
MEET THE
EXPERT
Professor Pasco
Fearon is a professor
of developmental
psychopathology
and a clinical
psychologist at
University College
London
tip
When you’re soothing
your baby, make your first
step to slow everything
down. What’s important is
that you’re connecting with
your baby, rather than
rushing to find an
instant fix.
interaction,’ explains clinical psychologist
Professor Pasco Fearon. Skin-to-skin contact
with your newborn releases oxytocin, a
hormone that promotes bonding. And
experiments show that babies as young as
12 hours old show a clear preference for
watching their mum’s face over those of
strangers, and for her voice. In fact, babies
in the womb have been shown to turn their
heads in response to voices outside from just
24 weeks into a pregnancy, so your baby
will have grown used to yours well before
he makes his appearance.
Your bond grows as you spend time
together. ‘The attachment process is very
much a two-way street, involving you
as much as your baby,’ explains Pasco.
And that’s because all those day-today
interactions you have with your
little one are the building blocks of
his early brain development.
When your baby
babbles, you
respond
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