Issue 01 - Loneliness

My sophomore year of college I lived in a
Berkeley duplex with my four best friends. To
an outsider, or maybe an Instagram follower,
our day-to-day lives looked a lot like any
college movie. All four of them were in
sororities, which made it easy to find
something to do on a Saturday night. As the
year progressed, a strained relationship with
one of the “best friends” led me to spend more
and more time in my room, away from the
kitchen or living room where the others would
hang out. I felt anxious about spending time
with my housemates and often doubted
myself and their feelings towards me. I told
myself they didn’t really want me to join them
for dinner, or movie night. My self-confidence
reached an all-time low.
It took a big blow-up between two of the other
girls for me to recognize and accept that I was
unhappy and that I had pulled away from my
community and also myself. To this day I still
consider each of these women close friends,
but in that house, at that time, I didn’t feel
understood, heard, or supported. I felt alone.
Really alone.
My
self-co
nfiden
ce
reache
d an
all-tim
e low.
02
I simply
didn’t
know
what
loneline
ss was
or that
people
my age
could
experie
nce it.
Not only did I feel this way, but I also felt
embarrassed about the fact that I felt alone. I
didn’t think anyone else ever felt alone, and
tapping through snapchat stories seemed to
confirm that thought. Even within my hippie
liberal Berkeley bubble I felt ashamed and
discouraged. I didn’t know what I was
experiencing or that those around me were
feeling it too.
I am a public health student who speaks
openly and honestly with classmates, friends,
and family about mental health. I take pride in
my awareness and understanding of mental
health and the impacts it has on everyday life.
But somehow, I had never spoken with
anyone about loneliness as something that
affected people my age. I simply didn’t know
what loneliness was or that people my age
could experience it.