riverrun Vol. 47

desire that of me, but I still felt it every time I did something you
would for sure disapprove of. I forgive you for the fights we had
where I couldn’t even look you in the eyes, I forgive you for the assumptions
you made, I forgive you for not understanding me. I forgive
you.
Dear Sean,
This is no love letter; this isn’t even a letter you will ever cross
paths with. Much like I am a woman you shall never cross paths with
again. Sure, we may run into each other at the grocery store, but I
will smile and keep going. This will never be done out of hate. Those
days are much over. I was angry for so long, hurt for so long, and
longing for the day we spoke again. That day came, but it came with a
resurfacing of pain as I realized even though I had moved on, I had
never healed from the pain our time together brought me. I was close
to falling down the same toxic hole I did a year ago. This is not to
attack you, I promised myself those days would be over, and they are.
This is to let go of a painful lesson I was taught. This is to be
thankful for what I gained from my time with you. You saw flaws in me
that you couldn’t look past, and I guess that was the problem, I wasn’t
doing the same, I was ignoring the things that were not fit for
me from you. I ignored it because my romantic heart took over and
thought my love could change you if I were just the perfect girl for
you while waiting for you to fix yourself for me. That’s not how love
works, in fact, two people should work on themselves for themselves.
I know I had flaws. I was aware of them, and even more conscious of
them when you left me. I spent months working on them. Growing and
changing because I wanted to be the best version of myself. Thank you
for making me aware of things about me that were sometimes toxic and
that were not healthy to live in. That knowledge helped me become the
woman I am today. I hope someday you find who you are too. Your true
and best self. You deserve greatness, but it isn’t just handed to
you. You have to work every single day for it. No one has the power
to change your life but you. Thank you for the laughs and the smiles.
The jokes and the hugs. Thank you mostly for the lesson you taught
me. I can never regret you because I learned what I needed from you.
You can have happiness and love, but don’t search for it in anyone.
Find it within yourself first. I also want to tell you that I forgive
you for pressuring me into doing things I never thought I wasn’t
ready for, but now I see how naïve I was and how corrupted the relationship
really was. I forgive you for breaking my heart. I forgive
you for taking advantage of my desperate heart. I forgive you, Sean.
Dear Jorel,
I was always taught that my first should be special and unforgettable.
Well, it was. Sure, I wished to save myself, but I will never
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