NG8 July/August 2020

MY CORONA
On writing this I am acutely aware that I don’t
own a crystal ball so have no way of knowing
what the world will look like by the time this is
published. Right now, we’re in the midst of the
national Coronavirus lockdown and no one
can predict what’s going to happen. What I can
tell you, in no uncertain terms, is what the last
couple of weeks in my house have looked like,
and how far from the Apocalypse my little piece
of England is.
Forgive the hyperbole but I’ve gone straight to
a place where I’m basically imagining living
in a Mad Max movie. Hopefully this means I
get a great car and some utterly over the top
clothing, I think I could just about pull off postapocalypse
chic. But only just. But it seems like
a good time to rewatch all the films, just in case
I need tips.
Amidst all the uncertainty of what’s happening
right now I’ve been impressed by just how well
the kids have coped. Sure, they get bored of
being in the house every day and not seeing
their friends. Video chats help but it’s not the
same as actually hanging out with your mates.
Online games have allowed them another
way to keep in touch and my oldest plays his
mates at Fortnite with his headphones on which
ironically is the loudest thing in the house as he
has no idea just how loudly he is shouting to his
friends. The hardest thing has been that they
may well have broken up for the school year for
good which means they miss out on all the end
of term fun.
My wife and I have both been keen to keep some
structure in the house (more for our benefit than
the kids to be honest) and we’ve made sure they
still do their school work before they get the fun
stuff. We’re no Victorians though, we very much
spare the birch and don’t work them too hard.
It’s times like these you start to really appreciate
just what a skill it is to keep a classroom of 30
kids under control (nice one teachers, you know
who you are). But the structure definitely helps,
especially as both my wife and I work full time
so we can’t spend our entire days entertaining
our children. And while I’m on it, no one in
our house believes any of these idealised ways
that you’re told to plan your days with a full
house and no escape. I’m not pretending it’s
easy. We’ve variously had screaming, shouting,
doors being slammed, swearing, tantrums and
threats. But aside from the wife and I, the kids
have been amazing.
So far exercise has also helped. Like everyone
in the world we appear to be doing the daily
Joe Wicks exercises and it turns out that my
daughter is the fittest person in our house by
a country mile. This is quite a kick in the teeth
to be honest as my wife runs half marathons, I
cycle every day, and my son plays more football
than I thought was humanly possible. But every
day we are reminded of the boundless energy
of a 9 year old.
Amidst all this uncertainty we have managed to
spend an awful lot of time together, which in
and of itself has been fantastic. As the pace of
life has changed we have made sure that we
take things a little less for granted, do things as
a family unit, and make sure we keep in touch
with extended family more often. And it feels
like our local community is a little tighter, even
if that’s just knocking on the neighbours door to
check if everything is okay. Whatever happens in
the future we’re all hoping that these little things
stay with us. Although
I’m still hoping for Mad
Max’s V8 Interceptor.
Edging into my forties, I’m
a wrangler of two young
children who are either
going to keep me eternally
young or drive me to an early grave. I’ll be sharing
some of my experiences of parenthood and my terrible
attempts at staying relevant!
noonelikessubtitles@gmail.com
Dominic Murray