SNN_August 2020 Issue FA_low res

SPINAL NETWORK NEWS 21
Kathy: We had amazing support from friends. Lots of
people flew down from Palmerston North to be with
Jayden and to be with us. That was huge and the Spinal
Trust was amazing. I actually ran my design business
from their office. Mike Brown had just left, so I was able to
work at his desk, which was amazing, as Jayden’s quite
independent and he didn’t want Mark and I breathing
down his neck all the time. He wanted a bit of space. So,
when Mark was there, he was able to continue working for
the NZ Police in Christchurch, and I was able to run my
design business from the NZ Spinal Trust office, so that
gave us a bit of breathing space and allowed Jayden to
have some space as well.
I think realising that, no
matter how capable you
think you are as parents,
you cannot navigate this
by yourself.
Teenagers need space to process what had happened,
so it would have been quite important for you to reach
the right balance?
Mark: Well, your first instinct, as a parent, is that you
want to be there 24/7, but Jayden needed to gain his
confidence with the injury and to find his own approach
and attitude. He had to do that himself and I think it will
be a very long journey and one I think he’s still doing
that now.
But, having the Trust there to help navigate those first few
weeks or even the first few months was just incredible,
because it’s extremely overwhelming. When you first go
to the unit, it’s the place that is going to make or break
Jayden’s mobility future. But when you’re there, it’s
overwhelming, because there’s such a big rehab team and,
when you’ve got someone like members of the NZ Spinal
Trust just to help explain how everything works and
support you through it, and be here when you need
questions answered. It was a game-changer and made a
great difference to us.
It was incredible, actually, and I think realising that, no
matter how capable you think you are as parents, you
cannot navigate this by yourself, you actually, need to
allow yourself to get advice, help and support from
whoever is the right group/people to help you, it’s such an
unknown, and nothing prepares you for the practical
issues that arise, especially navigating the emotional
stress, as parents.
How did you deal with the stress during the process?
Kathy: I think our faith played a big part in that. As
Christians we leaned into our faith a lot, and we’ve have
friends in Christchurch, too, who were very supportive in
that regard. So, a lot of prayers and a lot of people praying
for us and Jayden played a big part in how we coped.
Mark: We would have been backward if we hadn’t leaned
into on our faith like we had, I don’t know where we would
be; I don’t know how we would be now. It’s been a
game-changer.
Every time I went into Jayden’s room over those three
months, I just thought whatever you say has got to be
encouraging and positive for him. And that was quite
difficult and tiring, but I think that it was really
important just to let him know he wasn’t on his own, just
as we weren’t on our own.
The day Jayden and his family will never forget.
And Burwood is such a special place. People have said ‘it’s
harder to leave there than to arrive’ and I believe that
now. You have this incredibly caring team around you
where their whole mission is to support and, since we’ve
returned to Palmerston North, that team of support has
changed, but the mission is the same. They are still
wrapping around us with practical help and care, and a
huge amount of support and it’s been great.
Kathy: It also made us think about all the other parents
and families who are going through hard times. It really
builds an amazing empathy to think about people around
us, because we might not even know what they are going
through. As a family, this has been our first big ordeal to
cope with, so it has made us think about those around us
who are going through similar or worse. It’s not just us
going through this; other people do too.
Has Jayden’s crash given you some perspective on
other parts of your life?
Kathy: It has made us focus on the positives because,
there are so many negatives, that you know you can get a
bit swallowed up by it, so you we have to make a daily
mental note to self to be grateful and thankful for what is
good, and to be hopeful because that, I think, keeps you
on the up.
Mark: We know we have got so much to be thankful for.
Although there is still uncertainty about Jayden’s
mobility future, we know we are fortunate to have him as
we do, as it could have been a lot worse and it’s not, and
we are fortunate. Jayden’s well aware of that too.