FUSE#5

FUSE #5
inspired to push the boundaries of my expression to reflect my personal
interpretation of the poem as well as my authentic experience
as a woman.
As the piece progressed in its intensity, the final pose saw me in
a supine position and with both my legs raised to depict heightened
sexual enjoyment, laced with suggestions of autoeroticism. To my surprise,
my lighting designer dimmed the lights prematurely leaving me
to complete the piece in darkness, contradicting what was originally
planned. Later he told me that he had made the decision to shield me
from the audience gaze, given what he had understood of the general
mindset, thus censoring me based on his own cultural viewpoint. An
audience member told me that a group of young girls looked visibly
uncomfortable and stood up to leave the auditorium. Appearing curious
at the same time, they waited at the door, until the end. Later one
of my key musicians commented that my rendition of the ashtapadi
was “too erotic”. These reactions suggest to me that I had crossed a
line in terms of the expression of sringara (erotic love).
After the 2008 Singapore staging of the same performance,
the contemporary artists and some general audience members were
openly appreciative of my solo piece, but the Bharatanatyam community
offered me little feedback. It is plausible to read their lack
of feedback as a negative response, given the usual sharing that
takes place among them on social media after any performance. This
reading gains even more credibility when seen against the fact that
these same students were not entirely silent about the performance
as a whole—they expressed approval of my male collaborator's dance,
while remaining silent about mine. Underscoring my reading of the silence
as critique was a note I received from a Singapore-based female
dancer and scholar who referred to my piece as “a big bold step
which requires tremendous courage on your part…”. Her comment
about courage was mirrored—albeit in a less laudatory manner—in a
question posed to me in 2015 by a male interviewer from an established
Indian arts organization in Singapore (Institution 1): “People say
your dance is too erotic?” In general, the reactions emphasized that
the mainstream Bharatanatyam community does not welcome these
explorations in sensual expression. Even for the female dancer and
scholar who was open to the work, there was a recognition that it
demanded “tremendous courage”.
Another production that evoked such recognition was the 2008
staging of my dance theatre work Outcaste Eternal (1999) in Chennai
that highlighted the true story of a lone woman’s battle against a misogynistic
society. In their post-show communications with me, two
leading dancers in the field had also used the words “brave” and
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