2020 Issue 6 Nov/Dec - Focus Mid-South Magazine

VOICES OF VISION ONLINE CHRISTMAS CONCERT
Once you’ve had your fill of random video
contacts, you might want to return to your online
dating options to seek real connection. When
you’re online dating, the endless chats can all start
to feel the same. So instead of staying on the
surface, try going deep. Once you’ve decided that
you might click with someone, instead of the usual
questions and awkward flirtations, propose asking
each other the famous 36 questions set forth by
psychologist Arthur Aron (https://nyti.
ms/30Nhkim). Designed to be answered in order
by two people sitting face to face, the questions
begin light and build in intensity, with the goal of
encouraging vulnerability and building intimacy. It
might go nowhere, but it will certainly be more
interesting than the usual dating app chat.
Now, the last topic is a bit touchy. Okay, very
touchy. Okay, it’s touch—physical touch. Gentle
physical touch does a ton of good for our bodies
and minds—from lowering the effects of stress to
triggering the release of oxytocin and cortisol.
Touch deprivation, which can result from long
periods of not being touched, can result in
increased feelings of anxiety and depression,
difficulty sleeping, and heightened stress.
But what can you do when touching someone
who isn’t already a part of your immediate circle is
dangerous? You give yourself the sensations of
touch that your body needs. For sexual touch, this
means that when you masturbate, rather than
falling into your regular routine, slow down and
pay attention to the sensations of your skin.
Outside of sexual touch, even taking time to
mindfully rub a gentle hand across your own arm
or down your own neck can trigger the
physiological benefits of touch. (According to a
2017 study, the ideal touching speed is between 3
and 5 centimeters per second.) Mindfulness of
touch sensations can also help--pay attention to
the feeling of your foot against the ground or the
coolness of water as it flows down your throat.
Embrace other tactile comforts such as a taking a
hot bath, using a weighted blanket, or snuggling
with a pet.
None of this is a substitute for the joy of
spending time out in the world with beloved
friends and attractive strangers. But for now, it just
might get you through until Ms. ‘Rona is gone. At
the very least, it should get you started.
Your friend,
Allie
To submit your own question, email Allie at
Allie@focusmidsouth.com. Focus Mid-South reserves
the right to edit letters for length and clarity.
J oy : He Shall Reign
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