Divorcing a narcissist: read the contents plus chapter 1

Introduction
Divorcing a narcissist may well be one of the most traumatic processes
a person can experience. It is fraught with difficulties. At a time
when you are dealing with the trauma of the breakdown of your
relationship, and coming to terms with the sad realities of what
that relationship really was, you are also being subjected to the most horrific,
seemingly relentless, abuse at the hands of the narcissist through the divorce
process itself.
The person you truly believed loved you, and who you loved (and perhaps still
do), will turn on you with alarming venom. You will be left reeling in shock
at how anyone, let alone someone with whom you shared a relationship and
maybe even children, could be so cruel. You may be waiting for the punishment
to end, for your narcissistic ex-partner to finally see the error of their ways, and
become more reasonable. Perhaps even for them to become your friend, once
the dust has settled. But there is little point trying to sugarcoat this – you will be
waiting indefinitely. In cases involving a narcissist, acceptance of the situation
rather than hope that it will change, is the only way to move forward.
You may not have heard of Narcissistic Personality Disorder until recently.
Perhaps a confused internet search, as a result of the odd behaviours or abuse
you were enduring, first brought up the term. Maybe it was a friend, a therapist,
or even your divorce lawyer who tentatively made the suggestion to you. If so,
please understand that even just grappling to come to terms with the fact that
your partner is a narcissist is a huge struggle. But doing it whilst separating
or divorcing can be incomprehensibly difficult. And, frankly, it is made much
worse by the fact that hardly anyone you know will believe what you are experiencing.
Narcissists, by their very definition, are charming, affable and plausible;
but these traits, although highly convincing to those who don’t know them well,
are merely skin deep.
1