Divorcing a narcissist: read the contents plus chapter 1

More documents

Info

Is My Partner A Narcissist? 8. Isolation Many people who have been in a relationship with a narcissist have found themselves socially isolated as a result. This may be because the narcissist’s embarrassing or self-centred behaviours have turned friends and family away, or because the narcissist themselves have deliberately isolated you from those you love, by their disapproval of them, or their insistence that you focus on them instead. It may be that you have no one to confide in, or no one who can give you their opinion regarding your partner. This can leave you questioning your own reality, with no ‘anchor’ to keep things real. Again, this leaves you confused about the realities of your relationship. 9. The after-effects of narcissistic abuse If you have been in a long-term relationship with a narcissist, you may be experiencing unexpected, intrusive flashbacks which can throw you off balance. You may have become a ‘co-dependent’ as a result of the relationship, unable to prioritise your needs ahead of the narcissist’s, or anyone else’s. This inevitably makes it difficult for you to advocate for yourself, or to consider what would be in your own best interests – not ideal in a divorce. You may have developed the phenomenon of ‘learned helplessness’, where you feel unable to stand up for yourself, and you accept other people stepping over your boundaries, or treating you badly, as a matter of course. And you may be so used to being controlled by your narcissistic partner that you struggle to take back the control for yourself, and find yourself waiting to be told what to do. All of these factors can make looking out for yourself, and the process of working out and coming to terms with the reality of a narcissistic relationship, seem like an uphill struggle. The overriding message here is that none of this is easy. Be kind to yourself. You have every reason to be confused. That said, let’s now try to help with that confusion by presenting the facts as we delve into the world of narcissism and the features of those with narcissistic personality disorder. What is a narcissist? The term ‘narcissist’ conjures up a variety of images. Some think of the selfie-taking social media addict, expertly pouting at the camera. Others may suspect the mirror watcher, staring dreamily at their own reflection. You might guess that it is the combination of selfishness and vanity that makes up the essence of a narcissist. Power crazy politicians may spring to mind, or difficult bosses. You could be forgiven for thinking of drivers of flashy sports cars, or compulsive wearers of designer labels. Mildly irritating. Occasionally infuriating. Difficult at times, even. But relatively benign. Others may think of megalomaniacs or dictators; genocidal generals or crazed murderous lunatics. Cult leaders. Evil 13
Divorcing A Narcissist – The Lure, The Loss And The Law villains. People most of us are never likely to meet. Many more may think of ‘narcissism’ as simply a buzzword, trendy and overused; bandied about, here in the UK, for conversational effect. And a few will believe that, as everyone is a little bit narcissistic (this is correct, by the way), they should discard the term entirely. But, as we will explain in detail, these stereotypes are not always helpful. The narcissist you know may have been flying under the radar for many years, without you, or others, having a clue. We will delve much more deeply into the behaviours exhibited by those with NPD after a brief look at the textbook definition, below, which is a good starting point. DSM-5 definition of NPD In the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), NPD is defined in two different ways. The first is as follows: • A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour) • A constant need for admiration • A lack of empathy beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. A person with NPD will have at least five of the following nine criteria: • A grandiose sense of self-importance • A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love • A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions • A need for excessive admiration • A sense of entitlement • Interpersonally exploitive behaviour 14
Page 1 and 2: Divorcing a Narcissist
Page 3 and 4: Published February 2021 ISBN 978-1-
Page 5 and 6: Also from Bath Publishing Narcissis
Page 8 and 9: Contents About the authors v Introd
Page 10 and 11: Contents The golden child, the scap
Page 12: Contents The narcissist’s childre
Page 15 and 16: Divorcing A Narcissist - The Lure,
Page 19 and 20: A Narcissist’s Prayer That didn
Page 25: Divorcing A Narcissist - The Lure,

Divorcing a narcissist: read the contents plus chapter 1

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?