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24 — VANGUARD, WEDNESDAY, APRIL 21, 2021 Tempted to try again with my ex-wife! Dear Bunmi, AFTER less than seven years of marriage, I’d had enough and asked for a divorce. That was two years ago. We’d sort of grown apart, in spite of our son. We recently met up in my office to try to be friends and discuss ways of bringing up our son. I was amazed to see how confident and sexy my ex looked. It was impossible to take my eyes off her body, which I once knew so well, and we ended up having sex the next time we met. I was really surprised because sex was boring in our marriage and she went off it altogether when she had our son, which is one of the reasons I left her. But since the divorce, she’s had several lovers and is now really adventurous and hot in bed. She’s also lost a lot of weight and looks fantastic again. I was struck by her beauty when I first met her. Now, I feel myself wanting to be with her again. Do you think the good sex will last? Taofik, by e-mail. Dear Taofik, Great sex is a big plus in any relationship but, sadly, just because you’re getting on better in bed doesn’t mean you’ll get on better out of it. The reason why sex is great two years on from the divorce is because all the frustration, anger and resentment that were responsible for the demise of your marriage have disappeared. You’ve both forgotten the bad bits, idealized the good and are enjoying the lovely sex reunited exes often experience... temporarily. Divorce is often painful, messy and horribly upsetting. Again, the attraction here is physical. She looks great again and the lusty sex is back. These are dodgy reasons to return, because they can change so quickly. Successful long-term relationships are based on qualities that don’t easily alter – like personality, intelligence, a sense of humour due to kindness. The time to try again is when both of you have worked out what went wrong the first time. You’ve both now had the chance to recover, licked your wounds and feel stronger. Seeing each other again when you’re both on your best behaviour helps to shroud the past in a fog of romantic idealism. Of course, sex is better than it was when you left – it’s familiar so it feels safe, but forbidden as you’re not supposed to sleep with your ex-wife. Your ex is also eager to show off the new tricks she’s learned to impress you – and reinforce that even if you didn’t want her, other men do. Your initial attraction to your wife was physical and yet the marriage still didn’t survive. Again, the attraction here is physical. She looks great again and the lusty sex is back. These are dodgy reasons to return, because they can change so quickly. Successful long-term relationships are based on qualities that don’t easily alter – like personality, intelligence, a sense of humour due to kindness. You’ve not mentioned any reasons for reconciliation that are not related to sex or appearance. The time to try again is when both of you have worked out what went wrong the first time. You must both be willing to change and have sensible strategies of how to stop it falling apart again. I don’t see any evidence of that having happened here. My pregnancy is bound to disappoint my Mom! I Dear Bunmi, ’M just over 20 and my boyfriend is a couple of years older. He has a decent job with a manufacturing firm, and I work as a secretary/ receptionist for a group of lawyers. I have just discovered that I’m pregnant and I can’t wait to shout it from the rooftop. My boyfriend is all for our getting married, but I don’t know how to tell my mum. She’s brought me and my younger brother up singlehandedly since our dad died Should I get pregnant? Dear MBunmi, Y fiancé and I hope to get married soon, but haven’t set the date. We’ve done the traditional engagement, but he wants us to get enough stuffs for the flat before marriage. I am on the pill, but I would rather have kids when I’m young enough to cope. I am 25 and he is 30, and we have fairly wellpaid jobs. Do you think getting pregnant would hasten his commitment? I could go off the pill without telling him. Fatima, by e-mail. Dear Fatima, You are better off discussing how you feel with your partner instead of tricking him into putting your marriage date forward. Both of you might want to make some sacrifices like settling for a modest wedding. Whatever stuffs you’ll need for the flat could be bought as the means arise. But believe me, taking care of a baby doesn’t come cheap! Whatever you do, put a date to your proposed wedding. That would take your mind off the anxiety of the possibility of his not committing to you. and has always encouraged me to further my studies. I can’t hide this pregnancy forever, so please tell me how to go about things without hurting her. Julie, by e-mail. Dear Julie, I can’t really tell you exactly what to say to your mum, but I can tell you how to say it. Your boyfriend and you should meet her face to face – you owe her that much – and being together shows her you’re sticking to each other to bring up the baby through marriage. Say what you have to say confidently or she’ll pick up your anxiety and think there’s something to be worried about. Don’t give her the impression that you’re on the defensive and say whatever you have to say with love not defiance. If she reacts badly, hang in there. She’ll just need time to adjust to being a grandmother. In love with an old friend I Dear Bunmi, ’VE been mandated by a group of friends to organise a congratulatory party for one of us. The party is to take place at a small events’ centre and a close friend I’ve known since school is to help. My fear now is that I might not be able to keep my hands off him. We are in our late 20s. I’ve secretly liked him for ages and would love to tell him how I feel. Unfortunately, he has a girlfriend. We’ve been friends for years but it’s only recently that I have come to realise that I am, in fact, in love with him. We get on so well and I know he is perfect for me. My fear now is that I might not be able to stop myself from making a play for him, after all, girls make the first move these days. That would likely get me into trouble with his girlfriend – who will also be there. Carolyn, by e-mail. Dear Carolyn, It is natural to feel tempted but I wouldn’t go there if I were you! He is committed to another woman who is well known to you, so he’s not free to start anything with you. I would stay well clear of him at the party if I were you, and find a free agent to flirt with. You’re clearly obsessed with this man. He hasn’t encouraged you in any way and you need to hang on to your self respect by leaving him alone and moving on. At his age he should respect himself Dear Bunmi, MY current man is 67 and we get on well together. I’m in my early 50s. His fault is that he’s constantly eyeing young girls when he’s with me. When I asked him why he looks at 16-year-old girls, he replied: “They are well developed these days.” Why does he behave like this at his age? I’ve told him a few times that I find his behaviour annoying. I look after myself, have a nice figure and a good disposition. Isn’t that enough. We’re compatible, otherwise, but his lecherous way really spoils things. Risikat, by e-mail. Dear Risikat, Like most men, your boyfriend tends to behave in ways that suit his self-image. Most men, just like their female counterparts, like to think of themselves as attractive to the opposite sex. Now that your man’s sexual attractiveness is declining, he increasingly seeks fulfilment in fantasy – maybe he used to see himself as a stud who had sex with young, fertile women! Now that has become impossible, he chases dreams in which his continued sexual success as a man is guaranteed. His behaviour might be shocking to you, but your best bet is to ignore him. Stop competing with the young girls he seems to be panting over and be yourself. For now, the only woman he wants and can have is you. So humour him – or ogle younger men to give him a good run for his money! Attached to a two faced cheat! Dear Bunmi, LAST year, my best friend spent a week with me, trying to get over the shock of her husband’s latest affair. His latest flame had just phoned the house and she was quite nasty on the phone. When my friend told her husband what happened, he shrugged and said it took a lot of persuasion for her to go back, and she told me things are fine now. But I know they aren’t. The grapevine is agog with his current escapade and, when I go to my friend’s house, I can’t stand her husband as a result. My skin crawls when my friend cuddles up to him, and at the way he fawns over her, knowing he’s a great fraud! Gogo, by e-mail. Dear Gogo, Your view of your friend’s marriage is based on what happened to her last year, when she was angry and unhappy – and on the socalled grapevine. But you haven’t heard the conversation they’ve had where they were sorting things out. You’ve not seen what concrete changes they’ve made to recover from the affair, or the effort they’ve made to get themselves back in love. It’s understandable that whenever you see him, you remember the affairs and feel bad. But things have moved on for her and she feels differently about him and her marriage. If you want to be a real friend to her, you will realize this and start to feel differently too. You are not married to this man, your friend is. Leave them to get on with their lives. Share your problems and release your burden. Write now to Dear Bunmi, Vanguard Newspapers, P.M.B 1007, Apapa, Lagos, or bunmsof@yahoo.co.uk
VANGUARD, WEDNESDAY, APRIL 21, 2021 — 25 Chadian President, Deby dies on frontline •Son named Interim CHAD’s newly reelected President Idriss Deby Itno has died of injuries while fighting rebels in the north of the Sahel country. The shocking announcement came only the day after the 68-yearold was proclaimed the winner of a presidential election that had given him a sixth term in office. The army said Deby had been commanding his army at the weekend as it battled against rebels who had launched a major incursion into the north of the country on election day. Deby “has just breathed his last breath defending the sovereign nation on the battlefield,” army spokesman General Azem Bermandoa Agouna said in a statement read out on state television. Deby, 68, had ruled Chad for three decades but was a key ally in the West’s anti-jihadist campaign in the troubled Sahel region. The army said a military council led by the late president’s 37-yearold son Mahamat Idriss Deby Itno, a four-star general, would replace him. On Monday, the army had claimed a “great victory” in its battle against the rebels from neighbouring Libya, saying it had killed 300 fighters, with the loss of five soldiers in its own ranks during eight days of combat. Deby would have been one of the longest-serving leaders in the world, after provisional results showed him winning the April 11 election. He was a herder’s son from the Zaghawa ethnic group who took the classic path to power through the army and relished the military culture. His latest election victory — with almost 80 percent of the vote — had never been in doubt, with a divided opposition, boycott calls, and a campaign in which demonstrations were banned or dispersed. Deby had campaigned George Floyd's killer, Derek Chauvin convicted of murder DEREK Chauvin has been found guilty of second-degree unintentional murder, third-degree murder and seconddegree manslaughter in the death of George Floyd. The jury returned its verdict on Tuesday afternoon after ten and a half hours of deliberation. As the verdict was read out Chauvin looked on silently in the Hennepin County courtroom where jurors spent three weeks listening to testimony about the day Floyd died under the weight of the 45- year-old cop's knee during an arrest on May 25, 2020. Judge Peter Cahill thanked the jury on behalf of the state of Minnesota for not only jury service, but also ‘heavy duty jury service.’ The state moved immediately to have Chauvin’s bail revoked pending sentencing which will happen in eight weeks. Judge Cahill did so and Chauvin was remanded into custody taken from the courtroom in handcuffs. Chauvin faces a maximum sentence of 40 years in prison on the top charge. Floyd’s younger brother, Philonise, 39, who took a knee at the courthouse steps at the start of the trial, was in court to hear the verdict read. Cheers rose from the crowds that had gathered outside the courthouse and down at the intersection of 38th and Chicago now known as George Floyd Square. Cup Foods, the store in which Floyd Leader by Army was last seen alive, shuttered its doors ahead of the decision. The jury sent their notice that a verdict had been reached at 2.30pm local time as Minneapolis and the country braced for potential violence stemming from the decision. Jurors had not sent back any questions to the judge or asked to review any of the hours of video or hundreds of exhibits entered in the course of the trial. The verdict came just hours after President Joe Biden called the evidence against Chauvin 'overwhelming' and revealed he called Floyd's family to share his support after the jury retired on Monday evening. on a promise of bringing peace and security to the region, but his pledges were undermined by the rebel incursion. The government had sought on Monday to assure concerned residents that the offensive was over. The tanks were later withdrawn apart from a perimeter around the president’s office, which is under heavy security during normal times. “The establishment of a security deployment in certain areas of the capital seems to have been misunderstood,” government spokesman Cherif Mahamat Zene had said on Twitter on Monday. “There is no particular threat to fear.” However, the US embassy in N’Djamena had on Saturday ordered non-essential personnel to leave the country, warning of possible violence in the capital. Britain also urged its nationals to leave. France’s embassy said in an advisory to its nationals in Chad that the deployment was a precaution and there was no specific threat to the capital. The rebel raid in the provinces of Tibesti and Kanem was carried out by the Front for Change and Concord in Chad (FACT), based in Libya. The group has a nonaggression pact with Khalifa Haftar, a military strongman who controls much of Libya’s east. FACT, a group mainly made up of the Saharan Goran people, said in a statement Sunday that it had “liberated” the Kanem region. Such claims in remote desert combat zones are difficult to verify. Former U.S. Vice President Walter Mondale dies at 93 WALTER Mondale, a leading liberal Democratic voice of the late 20th century who was U.S. vice president under Jimmy Carter and lost in a landslide to Ronald Reagan in the 1984 presidential election, died on Monday at age 93, his family said. “Well my time has come. I am eager to rejoin Joan and Eleanor,” Mondale said in a statement to his staff and released to the public after his death, referring to his late wife Joan, who died in 2014, and daughter Eleanor, who died in 2011 at age 51. “Before I go I wanted to let you know how much you mean to me.” Mondale, the first major U.S. party presidential nominee to pick a woman running mate, believed in an activist government and worked for civil rights, school integration, consumer protection and farm and labor interests as a U.S. senator and vice president during Carter’s troubled one-term presidency from 1977 to 1981. He also served as U.S. ambassador to Japan from 1993 to 1996 under Bill Clinton. :Vanguard News :@vanguardnews Govt Corporations remit N2.15trn as ‘Operating Surplus' —FRC By Gabriel Ewepu ABUJA—THE Fiscal Re sponsibility Commission, FRC, yesterday, disclosed that government's corporations remitted over N2.15 trillion as 'operating surplus' into the Consolidated Revenue Fund of the Federal Government. Chairman, FRC, Victor Muruako, disclosed this while on a courtesy visit to the Minister of Special Duties and Inter-Governmental Affairs, Dr George Akume. He said: "The Commission produced a template for the calculation of Operating Surplus. The Template has, for over four years, helped the Commission face agencies with huge debt and has reversed the negative balance of Government finances through operating surplus. As at today, the Commission had caused over N2.15 trillion to be paid into the Consolidated Revenue Fund of Government. While highlighting achieve- ments of the Commission, Muruako pointed out that in line with the mandate of ensuring prudence, accountability and transparent fiscal management in the country as contained in Section 2: 1 (A) and Section 30 of the Fiscal Responsibility Act, 2007, the FRC embarked on physical verification and inspection of completed and on-going government projects. He added that the projects are derived from the quarterly Budget Implementation Report submitted to the Commission by the Budget Office of the Federation, and that these projects cover all the Ministries, Departments and Agencies, MDAs, of the Federal Government, and the exercise has been going on for over seven years. He said: "Monitoring and Evaluation of the annual budget Regular publication of funds released to the three tiers of Government as well as timeline for the audit of the Federal Government account; Over N2.15 trillion paid into the Consolidated Revenue Fund of the Federal Government over the past years as Operating Surplus from government corporations against just about N7 billion government allocation to the agency since inception, Provision of technical Assistance to states and local governments that enact Fiscal Responsibility laws and bye-Laws that are similar to FRA, 2007". However Muruako called for collaboration with the Ministry of Special Duties and Inter-Governmental Affairs to organize a National Fiscal Responsibility Forum for Local Government Chairmen and Councillors to basically inculcate the principle of prudent management of resources, transparency and accountability Ẇhile responding to the FRC boss, the Minister of Special Duties and Inter-Governmental Affairs, Sen George Akume, charged the FRC to beam its searchlight on the three tiers of government. FG launches SOPs for civil service By Dirisu Yakubu ABUJA—THE Federal Government yesterday launched the Standard Operating Procedures, SOPs, for the civil service. The SOPs were developed to enhance professionalism and quicken service delivery processes in the conduct of government business. The procedures, an initiative of the Africa Initiative for Governance, AIG, in collaboration with the Office of the Head of the Civil Service of the Federation, OHCSF, are aimed at assisting officers to understand and document records digitally. Addressing newsmen at the event, Head of the Civil Service of the Federation, Dr. Folasade Yemi-Esan commended the expertise brought to bear in the design of the procedures by AIG noting that with the SOPs now in place, the service will come up "with an effective system that complies with industry-specific regulations and standards to significantly reduce or avoid operational errors as well as unwanted work variations." She continued: "SOPs also ensure the repeatability and consistency of the performance of any type of process. It helps employees to perform complicated tasks, one in which remembering every detail of a procedure can be difficult or in which a precise sequence of steps is essential. "It is instructive to note that in view of the importance of the SOP manuals to the seamless implementation of the Enterprise Content Management Solution, ECMS, and in line with international best practices, the office decided to take the lead and has gone further to approve the immediate service-wide development of SOPs starting with four selected Ministries Departments and Agencies made up of the Federal Civil Service Commission, Federal Ministry of Finance, Budget and National Planning, State House and the Federal Ministry of Transportation," she added.
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