ACC Accord Summer 2021 Issue 111

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and the subject of abortion is highly emotive. To work professionally we must be impartial and for me it is simply a case of meeting people where they are at, just as Jesus did, and trusting God for the bigger picture. MISCARRIAGE Most people associate baby loss with miscarriage, which affects around 1 in 4 women. While some women accept this as something that just happens, others can find it devastating. Even the terminology of miscarriage, a pregnancy miscarried, being ‘lost’, may make the Mother feel at fault somehow and she may develop complicated feelings towards her body which impact on her self esteem. Access to the Miscarriage specialist groups is very patchy across the country and only after three miscarriges will it be medically investigated. Early miscarriage can be just as devastating as a later loss, the number of weeks a woman is pregnant does not equate to her feelings of loss and grief, nor indicate how far the bonding of parent and infant has progressed. An infant loss after 22 weeks has both a birth and death certificate, but very often miscarriage is an invisible loss with nothing to commemorate the life. ART WORK Using art I have worked with clients creating memory boxes filled with precious mementos, letters and even certificates of life, all preciously stored and contained within. Clients have also designed jewelry, painted stones, written poems and planted gardens. These are all ways of commemorating and expressing emotion. I have asked clients to form a clay bulb and used this as a focus for guided imagery, where we plant the bulb safely within a beautiful garden that is watched over by a gardener. Clients have found this particularly powerful and by introducing the gardener there is a spiritual element that the client may choose to explore. Art creates a visible tangible focus for what is often an invisible unacknowledged grief. By creating an object, it holds and legitimises the feelings – this happened, it mattered, I matter. I have been a witness of grief and a keeper of secrets, some clients choosing to leave their objects with me, while others take them home and treasure. The act of creation is the opposite of loss and life affirming while allowing the client to authentically express their grief. Working creatively also offers the client personal agency at a time when they may feel out of control and overwhelmed by their loss. ART IN A PANDEMIC In this time of pandemic I have sent out art materials and I have also used therapeutic journaling, talking through an art directive and asking the client to reflect and journal, which engages them psychodynamically. I have found advantages working remotely in being able to offer greater accessibility and the clients have responded positively with this new way of working. At a time when it feels all resources are being directed towards coping with the pandemic, women are still facing unplanned pregnancy and pregnancy loss. Isolation can make it even more difficult for those seeking help. This is vital work. I hope to train others about pregnancy loss and raise awareness to break the taboos of societal silence. Reading: Grief unseen, Healing Pregnancy loss through the Arts, Laura Sefel. Therapeutic Arts in Pregnancy, Birth and New Parenthood, Susan Hogan. Pregnancy & Abortion Counselling, Joanna Brien & Ida Fairbairn. Complicated Grief, Attachment & Art Therapy, Briana MacWilliam. Amanda Padley About the author I’m an Art psychotherapist, wife, mother, writer and potter, who lives near Wrexham in North Wales, halfway up the first mountain. After working for many years as a community artist and being interested in spiritual art, I achieved a twenty year dream of studying art therapy and finally went to University aged 42. I loved the training and felt drawn to working with adult women and women’s issues. I have three miniature pekin chickens which make wonderful garden companions and a she-shed where I enjoy the calm discipline of working on a potter’s wheel. It feels the opposite of working with clay in therapy. If all that sounds very busy, I am forced to take very good care of myself as I also live with MS and disability. I am currently also studying part-time for my PGCE. I hope to go to teach and train other professionals about pregnancy loss. 42 accord Summer 2021 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org
feature Supporting a nation in mourning by Yvonne Tulloch wonder how much you think I about death? Does it scare you? Do you expect it to happen? You may, sadly, be grieving yourself. The pandemic of the past year has brought us up sharp, with death a constant reality. Before March 2020 few of us in Britain gave death a thought. Decades of medical advances, lengthening lifespans and people dying distanced from daily life, in hospitals, care homes and hospices, led to what many termed a ‘deathdenying society’– subconsciously thinking that death only happens when we’re old and is not something to be addressed now. We have learnt to push death to the back of our minds and to avoid anything connected. The legacy of this is a tendency to dismiss the only certainty there is in life – that sooner or later, we all will die – with widespread ignorance of grief and a general unpreparedness for death. I’ve been involved in bereavement support for nearly ten years now. My husband’s sudden death in 2008 made me realise the lack of understanding in our country of the impact of bereavement and how hard it is to find support. As a minister in the Church of England I had been used to taking funerals and I thought I knew about grief. But when I experienced bereavement myself, I discovered how little I did. THE NATURE OF GRIEF Bereavement affects every area of life; grief is a roller coaster of emotional responses, and death presents a minefield of practical challenges and changes that have to be addressed. The combination can knock us physically, mentally, relationally, even spiritually, and leave us in deep despair. For most people, the deep pain is felt some while after the death, when the reality of the loss has sunk in. But by then the support of those around has often dwindled and the journey to recovery can be a long and isolated road. However, grief is necessary. Grief is the natural, human response to loss – a journey that has to be travelled – a darkness that has to be faced, in order to reach the light and hope of a new normal and a healthy, secure tomorrow. God created us for relationship and when relationship is lost, we feel it keenly. And if support is not found, bereavement can lead to further problems: the breakdown of the relationships we have, anger, addiction, job loss or debt, to name just a few. Importantly also, without help the darkness can be prolonged and lead to depression, or other mental health issues. Also, a number of people, when not supported, will carry on however they can, suppressing their grief, only for problems to emerge later. For those bereaved since the start of the pandemic there is a greater risk of grief being put on hold. Lockdown and the social restrictions of the past year have meant that many bereaved people have been denied the things that normally enable acceptance and the start of the processing of the loss; not being able to see or speak to loved ones before they died, or be comforted by family and friends, or attend the funeral to say their goodbye. With over 600,000 deaths usually each year to add to those from Covid-19, the consequence of this is a nation in mourning – some 10 million people not knowing what to do with their grief, or where to turn. This is a problem that needs to be faced up to and aided if we’re to avoid large scale negative outcomes for years to come. BEREAVEMENT WORK BORN OUT OF GRIEF When my husband died, I found things bad enough. In a matter of days, I went from being a highly capable person to utterly dysfunctional. The sorrow weighed heavily, like a physical weight. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think straight or remember what had been said or what I needed to do. So, I couldn’t do my job. People around me wanted to help but they seldom knew how. Practical assistance, cards, flowers and kind messages www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2021 43
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Page 3 and 4: editorial Editorial by Sue Monckton
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Page 11 and 12: The beginnings of this journey tie
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Page 19 and 20: News & Diary New Head of Membership
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Page 39 and 40: feature Meeting ACCEnT Forum Member
Page 41: feature Pregnancy loss by Amanda Pa
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