January 2022 Parenta magazine

5
Sibling rivalry can often start from the day a new baby is brought home. The older child goes from being
the centre of attention and the youngest member of the family, to being the older sibling who then has to
share their parents and the attention that they get from them. Developmentally it can be a lot to handle, and
behaviour can change dramatically if a child fears that this new baby could replace them in some way.
Aggressive behaviour can be common, however, regressive behaviour such as bed wetting can also happen.
This is often a child’s subconscious attempt to re-establish themselves in a dependent role with their parents.
Either way, a new baby joining the family can have a huge impact and it’s important for us to be aware of this
so that we can minimise any negative repercussions.
Take action before the
baby arrives
By this I don’t just mean preparing the
older child for the baby’s arrival. I also
mean preparing family and friends for the
moment that they meet the baby too and
making them aware of how you want it to
be.
A big issue can be that the older child feels
pushed out. Quite often, when people
visit a newborn, they will fuss around the
baby and give it their undivided love and
doting attention. This is completely normal,
however if we think of this from the older
child’s perspective it is actually quite tough.
They have gone from having all of the
attention on them to then having a little
person arriving and stealing the limelight.
When my son was born, I spoke to every
family member and friend and asked
them to essentially ignore the baby and
to go straight to my 2-year-old when they
came to visit. I wanted her to feel like she
was still the priority and that she was
special, so I asked everyone to ask her
about ‘her new baby’ and to let her show
them our new arrival. This way she still
had lots of attention and she also became
an important role in the baby’s life by
introducing the people that mattered the
most to him. If anyone asked what we
ways to reduce
sibling rivalry
Here are 5 ways to reduce sibling rivalry:
wanted for the baby as a gift, I also asked
them to buy my little girl a present rather
than buying one for the baby. This worked
a treat because she was not only excited
to have a new baby brother to show off to
everyone, but she was also getting gifts for
being a new big sister.
Give time to both
children
As children get older, they often fight
for attention. By giving each child a
set amount of undivided time and
attention each day their need to fight for
it will reduce. If a child feels seen and
appreciated, they are less likely to feel
threatened or insecure. Label the time (for
example ‘Mummy and Noah time’ and
explain to the children that this is something
you will be doing with each of them every
day. Even if it’s just 10 minutes, they will love
this focused time with you, and it will make
them feel special. Make sure there are no
distractions like phones or TVs and just give
100% of yourself to them for the set time
you have agreed.
Family time
Having set family time all together is
important too. Playing games, eating a nice
meal around the table, going to the park
and having a picnic are all ways in which
you can all bond and make memories
together. Times like this where both children
get your undivided attention allow them to
make positive memories together whilst still
feeling that connection with you and each
other.
Don’t compare
Every child is an individual and has their
own strengths and weaknesses. When a
person feels inadequate or insecure, they
are more likely to overcompensate, fight for
attention and/or try to prove themselves.
If each child feels valued and appreciated
for who they are, they are less likely to pull
each other down. Quite often, if a person is
acting negatively towards another person, it
is linked to an insecurity inside themselves.
By celebrating each child’s individuality,
you build their self-esteem and confidence
and reduce the chance of them craving
attention and approval.
Listen
There are always two sides to a story. When
siblings are fighting it is important to hear
both sides. Once the situation has calmed
down give each child the chance to tell you
what has happened and then encourage
each child to see the situation from their
sibling’s perspective. Ask them questions
like:
• When you did that, how do you think
that made them feel?
• How did you feel when…?
• What could you have done differently
that might have had a better outcome?
• Can you understand that when you
did…, your sibling felt…?
By listening to both sides, you are making
each child feel valued and heard, but
you are also encouraging them both to
empathise and see the bigger picture.
Quite often it’s the child who reacts and
lashes out that gets punished. However,
there is usually a reason for this. By calmly
talking though the whole situation you can
unearth some things that need addressing
and help both siblings to be more aware of
their actions and reactions.
At the end of the day, siblings will always
fight. However, if this is a constant
occurrence, it’s important to get to the
bottom of why. Children crave attention,
acceptance and love. As parents, life is
fast paced, and we are constantly juggling
a million things at once. It can be easy to
go on autopilot dealing with day-to-day
routines and chores. However, it’s important
to remember what truly matters and to take
time to bond with our children individually
and as a whole family. By doing this, even if
it’s just 10 minutes per day, the need for our
children to fight for attention will decrease
and this will have a ripple effect with how
they interact and engage with each other.
Stacey Kelly
Stacey Kelly is a former French and
Spanish teacher, a parent to 2 beautiful
babies and the founder of Early Years
Story Box. After becoming a mum, Stacey
left her teaching career and started
writing and illustrating storybooks to help
support her children through different
transitional stages like leaving nursery
and starting school. Seeing the positive
impact of her books on her children’s
emotional well-being led to Early Years
Story Box being born. Stacey has now
created 35 storybooks, all inspired by her
own children, to help teach different life
lessons and to prepare children for their
next steps. She has an exclusive collection
for childcare settings that are gifted on
special occasions like first/last days,
birthdays, Christmas and/or Easter and
has recently launched a new collection
for parents too. Her mission is to support
as many children as she can through
storytime and to give childcare settings
an affordable and special gifting solution
that truly makes a difference.
Email: stacey@earlyyearsstorybox.com or
Telephone: 07765785595
Website: www.earlyyearsstorybox.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/
earlyyearsstorybox
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/
eystorybox
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/
earlyyearsstorybox
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/
stacey-kelly-a84534b2/
22 January 2022 | parenta.com
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