2022 Issue 4 Jul/Aug Focus - Mid-South magazine
Sex and Love
Sex and Love
Create successful ePaper yourself
Turn your PDF publications into a flip-book with our unique Google optimized e-Paper software.
health+wellness<br />
ON LOVE:<br />
Perspectives from The Haven<br />
story and photos courtesy of The Haven<br />
In today’s world where I am working with Prevention and Wellness, the LGBT community (and those who are perceived as<br />
heterosexual) are really changing the game of sex and love.<br />
Individuals 25 years of age and younger are not using labels such as gay, straight, bi, queer, etc. Sex is not just two (or more)<br />
individuals being physical and having anal, oral, and vaginal intercourse. It’s way beyond just that in <strong>2022</strong>.<br />
The new generation coming up in the world is not labeling themselves at all and no longer accepts what society has deemed<br />
hetero or gay or normal.<br />
One of my younger relatives said to their parents, "I am going to love who loves me back... Period!"<br />
Meaning, upcoming youth and young adults of all races, creeds, cultures, and genders are not going to<br />
live by or conform to past doctrine and persuasion of sex, love, dating, or physical intimacy.<br />
After COVID-19, people are saying and showing behaviors that they want MORE than just hook-ups,<br />
one-time social dating flings, and let's get high and have sex. I witness, as a gatekeeper and a community<br />
outreach worker, people saying they would like to experience someone special and to feel like they are<br />
important and really wanted by the other individual. Regardless of gender! Oftentimes I now even hear the<br />
mature over 60 generation speaking in the same language.<br />
"Connect to my mind, dreams, goals, my good and bad side, and my soul." This is what I am hearing more<br />
and more in my social settings, online and in apps.<br />
Lastly, male-identified individuals are really wanting more intimate moments than just sex but are made<br />
to feel bad for even asking or thinking about feeling special by someone. At least 15 self-identified males<br />
I have spoken to stated that they were taught to NOT ASK FOR intimacy or LOVE from anyone of any<br />
gender because society deems it as weak and effeminate. This discussion is a two day session of talking<br />
and destroying myths that have been passed on through generations of probably some really hurt men.<br />
Can you imagine holding onto a simple human request of Wanting Unconditional Love from another<br />
human being for years, even decades? Much work to be done and love to be shared.<br />
Blessings,<br />
Anthony Hardaway<br />
"Connect to my mind, dreams, goals, my good and bad side, and my soul." As I read this statement from Anthony, I<br />
resonate with this deep desire for intimacy that extends beyond physical touch. Physical touch is one of my love languages,<br />
and I don’t just mean in a sexual way. Gently rubbing my back. Holding my hand. A warm embrace. These physical forms of<br />
love connect me to an individual (in this case, my partner) and fill a space within me in ways that words cannot occupy.<br />
My desire for physical touch, however, is paired with my desire for an emotional and intellectual<br />
connection. My brain must be stimulated. Period. For me to have a long-term relationship, my physical<br />
attraction to someone has to be sustained through conversations, vulnerability, dreams, and drive.<br />
Anthony touches on the stigma surrounding men who ask for intimacy. In my prior relationships before I<br />
met my partner, I exclusively wanted sex... at least I thought I did. What started as me exploring my “freshout-the-closet”<br />
self later turned into a toxic mindset in which I used my body to fulfill my initial desires,<br />
but then the emotional pull I wanted in men would only be pushed away. I was left to think that I was not<br />
desirable, and I beat myself up for putting my desires in the half-opened hands of men.<br />
Many people can have casual hook-ups and still be fine after, but I soon realized I was not one<br />
of those people. Both experiences are valid. Even though I enjoyed my sexscapades while they<br />
lasted, I learned to realize that emotional and intellectual involvement are what stimulate me in all<br />
aspects. Intimacy is defined by the individual, and for me, it is all-encompassing. If you are going<br />
to love me, you must love me wholly: mind, body, AND soul.<br />
Periodt,<br />
Tevin Mathew<br />
22 Sex+Love | focuslgbt.com