2022 Issue 4 Jul/Aug Focus - Mid-South magazine

lgbt advocate
MUSINGS BY LADY A:
Do It Yourself
by Vincent Astor
For as long as I have been out, there have been troubles
in some relationships about where, and with whom, one
is to be buried (or anything alternate). Families intervene.
One phrase I constantly use is: if you use groundpenetrating
radar on any row, in any cemetery, anywhere
in the world, you are going to find pretty much the same
thing in each grave. Some in a box, some preserved, some
gone but pretty much the same leftovers. My point is, it’s
all about the marker. How one wishes to be remembered
can indeed be set in stone. Really.
There’s this poem seen in tributes a lot called “The Dash
Poem” by Linda Ellis. It’s very sentimental but it basically
says that one’s entire life is only recorded by the dash
between birth date and death date. Many people, Dorothy
Parker was a good one, have written about remembrance
after death. Do it yourself, especially if there is no one
else who might do it for you. A little epitaph and a little
planning can make you significant. Someone is gonna
notice and read it eventually. Even after a century.
Partners or spouses deciding jointly, while alive and
healthy, can overcome difficulties later on. Columbarium
niches are usually big enough for two containers. One
grave plot can almost always hold two containers. Buy the
marker, put what you want or can afford on it. It will be
there a long, long time so keep that in mind.
Pinky Newby and Beth Clower, Forest Hill Cemetery,
Midtown. Pinky and Beth were a couple for over 60 years.
photo by Vincent Astor
Vincent Astor’s cenotaph at Elmwood Cemetery.
photo by Vincent Astor
32 Sex+Love | focuslgbt.com