Mosborough Jan 2023

Charity
Cancer patient at
Ashgate Hospice
marries partner
of 24 years in
“beautiful” ceremony
A grandfather with incurable cancer was
able to marry his beloved partner of 24
years at Ashgate Hospice thanks to the
support of the charity’s “fantastic” staff and
volunteers.
Paul Deffley tied the knot with his wife
Hilary Deffley at the Chesterfield hospice
earlier this month. The 71-year-old, who
has prostate and bone cancer, which has
spread to his spine, has received care on the
hospice’s Inpatient Unit for the past seven
weeks. The couple, from Eckington,
celebrated their special day at the Old
Brampton hospice on 11 November
surrounded by their close family. When
staff at Ashgate heard Paul had popped the
question, they got to work and organised
the special occasion in less than a week.
Paul, a former foundry and factory worker,
who was diagnosed in 2017, said the
wedding was “just beautiful” and praised
the hospice for getting “every detail just
right”. He said: “We have been together for
24 years and it got to the stage where
instead of Hilary being a partner, I wanted
her to be my wife! I made the decision to
ask Hilary a couple of weeks ago but
without the hospice and the help of local
businesses it wouldn’t have happened. They
helped with the flowers, the car, the cake,
the chairs – everything was just done up
beautifully. Everyone at Ashgate has just
been fantastic and I can’t fault them at all.
All the staff got together and not only fixed
the wedding together, but they all wanted
to attend it. I’ve got really close to the staff
since I’ve been here, and they all came
along to watch and were crying. They’re all
brilliant and I’m so grateful for their love
and support.”
Hilary, 61, who stopped working as a carer
a couple of years ago so she could care for
Paul, added: “It was a shock to me when
Paul asked me the question – I wasn’t
expecting it!
“The wedding was absolutely lovely. They
managed to get Paul’s suit, shirt and
everything on. He looked lovely – if I do say
so myself! Ashgate has gone above and
beyond for us and to have all our family
there was so special.”
Hilary’s children, Leanne, Nicola, Daniel,
Natalie and Shannon, and Paul’s son Lee,
were all in attendance at the ceremony,
which took place in the hospice’s Inpatient
Unit. The pair met in 1998 at their local pub,
The West End, which has now closed, and
have fond memories of going on holidays to
the likes of Greece and Spain together.
Asked what they put their longevity down
to, Paul said: “We just don’t fall out – it’s as
simple as that. We both get on and seem to
have the same ideas; we just want the same
thing as one another.”
Paul, who was in extreme pain when he was
admitted to Ashgate at the beginning of
October, insists he feels like “a new man”
after the care he has received. He has now
returned home where he will continue
receiving care, but says he is keen to return
to Ashgate if his condition deteriorates.
“I’ve been taken good care of by everyone
here at Ashgate and have been able to focus
on spending time and making memories
with Hilary and my family,” added Paul. I
had concerns about coming in here; you get
things in your head about hospices and
that’s what happened to me. I soon realised
– even on the first day I was here –that it
was the right thing for me to do. I was
struggling quite a lot before I came in as I
had been in pain for a long time. I was
putting up with it and it just wouldn’t go
away. Then when I came to the hospice, they
knew what to do and sorted it right away.
Everyone is so friendly, and everyone is on
first name terms – it just feels like a home,
away from home.”
Ashgate Hospice would like to thank the
businesses which helped make Paul and
Hilary’s wedding so special, including:
• Johnny Wray, from Spire Marquees, who
provided chairs and champagne glasses
• Ellie, from EKR Pictures, for the most
stunning photos
• Hazel and Jan at Weddings by Dragonfly
for transforming the room
• Ellie at Tineke Floral Designs for the
gorgeous flowers
• Sarah Jayne Cave for making a beautiful
wedding cake
• Designer Contracts for supporting us with
new flooring
• Sarah Boden for providing goody bags for
the younger wedding guests
• John Plant MBE of GW Price Ltd who
provided celebratory fizz and sponsored
the food which was provided by the
Hospice catering team
• Mark at Spire Limousines who provided
the beautiful wedding car
36
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