Perception Spring 2023

holes
Carly Cernek
the holes have been there
as long as i can remember
uncomfortable pinpricks overtaking me
bullet holes that grew
and grew
and grew
i try to fill them with other things
i eat as much as i can then starve myself
maybe air will do the trick
i sit in the dark for hours strangers
on my screen they mean nothing to me
next i try anxiety it twists my stomach
and the holes grow wider
and i become
lighter
soon i will fade away
it’s okay though, all of myself belongs to
me now belongs to these indifferent streets
and even if i cannot share me with others
at least i won’t
fade away
just as i’m losing hope, i find
something to keep them at bay
i spend days wandering up
and down streets filled with people
who don’t care about me their
indifference comforting
it's a feeling i know well
and i let it wash over me
it takes years of being invisible
this feeling of utter peace of
distance from my body, myself
years until the holes get smaller.
they will never fade completely
though so i paint over them as best
i can but the paint accidentally gets on
places where i’m whole
24 | Perception
Spring 2023 | 25