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Beacon Dec 2023

Your hometown news source. Regional Reach. Community Commitment. Covering Dearborn, Franklin, Ohio, and Ripley Counties in Southeast Indiana and Southwest Ohio.

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<strong>Dec</strong>ember <strong>2023</strong> THE BEACON Page 7A<br />

FROM<br />

H ere<br />

By<br />

Ollie<br />

Roehm<br />

Last month’s column was<br />

about things that irritate me.<br />

So, since it felt really good<br />

and because I’m a nasty,<br />

smelly, whiney, funky old<br />

curmudgeon, I’m going to hit<br />

you with another dose.<br />

This is the stuff that makes<br />

a person go, “Huh? What’s<br />

the point?” OK, here we go.<br />

1. People who have conversations<br />

with animals.<br />

We live next to the apartment<br />

building from hell and<br />

there is an apartment that borders<br />

our back porch, about 30<br />

feet away. The couple in that<br />

apartment can’t say “Please<br />

pass the salt” without yelling<br />

it. Everything is at the top of<br />

their lungs. Everything.<br />

We call them Ozzie and<br />

Harriet.<br />

Ozzie and Harriet have two<br />

cats, Spike and Shadow, and a<br />

little mangy mutt they call Susie.<br />

They often let the animals<br />

outside to do their business in<br />

the parking lot, which is also<br />

right next to our back porch.<br />

So we get to hear stuff, and<br />

sometimes it gets weird.<br />

Ozzie and Harriet talk (yell)<br />

to their animals and seem to<br />

expect them to answer.<br />

Here is an example of what<br />

I’m talking about.<br />

Harriet: “SHADOW,<br />

WHERE IS SPIKE? DO<br />

YOU KNOW WHERE HE<br />

WENT? STAY RIGHT HERE<br />

WHILE I GO FIND HIM.<br />

SHADOW, I SAID STAY<br />

RIGHT THERE!”<br />

Shadow: —————<br />

Harriet: “AND IF SPIKE<br />

COMES BACK TELL HIM<br />

TO STAY RIGHT THERE<br />

TOO. SHADOW, STAY<br />

THERE! DIDN’T YOU<br />

HEAR ME? SHADOW, LIS-<br />

TEN TO ME!!!”<br />

Shadow: —————<br />

Ozzie seems to be in charge<br />

of Susie’s potty habits. Here is<br />

a typical conversation between<br />

Ozzie and his Wonderdog<br />

on a typical day.<br />

Ozzie: “GO ON, SUSIE -<br />

GO TO THE BATHROOM!”<br />

Susie: —————<br />

Ozzie: Points to a spot in<br />

the parking lot. GO RIGHT<br />

OVER THERE SUSIE! NO,<br />

RIGHT OVER THERE -<br />

LOOK AT MY FINGER!!!<br />

SUSIE, LISTEN TO ME!<br />

DON’T YOU HEAR WHAT<br />

I’M SAYIN’!?”<br />

Susie: —————<br />

The whole scene is too<br />

loud, obnoxious, and stupid<br />

to be funny. But here’s what<br />

is funny: I hear them do it so<br />

much that I sometimes find<br />

myself waiting for an answer<br />

from their pets. But I quickly<br />

come to my senses and think,<br />

“What’s the point?”<br />

2. <strong>Dec</strong>affeinated coffee<br />

I have a good friend and<br />

fellow musical traveler who<br />

has to have his coffee in the<br />

morning. Just has to have it.<br />

A lot of people enjoy the<br />

wake-up qualities of caffeine,<br />

myself included. I have two<br />

cups of extra-strong black tea<br />

every morning and have been<br />

doing it for decades. The stuff<br />

gets my motor running and<br />

sends me on my way.<br />

But my buddy drinks decaffeinated<br />

coffee. And I scratch<br />

my feeble old noggin and say,<br />

“What’s the point?”<br />

3. Crowded campgrounds<br />

Every time I drive past a<br />

certain RV campground in<br />

the area I end up scratching<br />

the old noggin again. In fact,<br />

I’ve almost scratched a hole<br />

in my bean thinking about<br />

this one.<br />

I see a whole bunch of<br />

campers lined up next to each<br />

other about twenty feet apart<br />

if that. They open their door<br />

and somebody is sitting in a<br />

lawn chair right in front of<br />

them.<br />

People and campers are to<br />

the right, to the left, behind<br />

them, and in front of them.<br />

Call me crazy but I think<br />

the main reason to have an RV<br />

is to get away from it all.<br />

These people spend thousands<br />

of dollars for an RV,<br />

insurance, maintenance, fuel,<br />

etc. Then they take the thing<br />

and set it up in a trailer park.<br />

Huh?<br />

There are many other<br />

“what’s the point?” situations<br />

I could talk about but I have<br />

to wrap things up so I can<br />

make a couple of important<br />

announcements.<br />

Harrison Center for the<br />

Arts will present “American<br />

Christmas Carol.” This will be<br />

the hard-working new group’s<br />

second offering and is sure<br />

to be a fine one. Their first<br />

production was a big hit and<br />

drew large audiences.<br />

Harrison VOCE will offer<br />

its annual Christmas concert<br />

on Sunday, <strong>Dec</strong>. 10, at 4 p.m.,<br />

at the Harrison High School<br />

Martin Marietta Performing<br />

Arts Theater. The group is celebrating<br />

its tenth anniversary<br />

and the community is invited<br />

to share in the fun.<br />

I’m going.<br />

Next<br />

<strong>Beacon</strong><br />

Ad Deadline<br />

Nov. 27<br />

Visit<br />

goBEACONnews.com<br />

for news<br />

and updates.<br />

This month’s item<br />

What Is It?<br />

Last month’s item,<br />

submitted by Don Bolten,<br />

Bright, was identified as a<br />

Bunion stretcher by Paul<br />

and Sarah Baker Nahmias,<br />

Greensburg. It is used to<br />

stretch a leather shoe that is<br />

too tight around the big toe.<br />

Other guesses ranged from<br />

a cherry pitter, a tool to put<br />

rings in bulls’ noses, to hog<br />

castration pliers!<br />

This month’s item was<br />

submitted by Mike Meyer,<br />

Last month’s item:<br />

Bunion stretcher<br />

Lawrenceburg. It has been hanging in his neighbor Carl’s<br />

barn for decades and measures four feet long. Share your<br />

story as well as your guess! Please e-mail your answer<br />

and where you live to editor@goBEACONnews.com by<br />

Wednesday, November 22, <strong>2023</strong>.<br />

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CLIFTON CAMPUS: 3520 Central Parkway, Cincinnati, Ohio 45223<br />

Get it All at www.goBEACONnews.com

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