Nineteen Fifty-Six Vol.4 Issue 2

FAMILY IS...
FOUND
ARIANNA POPE
When I was younger, I
thought my family were
saints. They all went
to church, prayed, and were very
selfless people.
My earliest memories are of being
constantly surrounded by my family.
My auntie Tricia and my grandma
would watch me and my brother all
the time. My auntie Charlotte would
give me and my brother hand-medowns
from our cousins, and she
would drop in frequently to check in
on how my mom was doing.
I genuinely believed that I had the
best family ever. Anytime we were
all together, laughter would fill the
entire house. I remember spending
all day playing with my cousins, or
overhearing stories from my aunts’
and uncles’ childhoods. I loved being
around all of them. Sadly, there was
more to my family than I knew.
Growing up, I watched my mom
struggle to provide for me and my
brother, and I always wondered why
she never reached out to get help
from my family. I always assumed
that she had too much pride to
let them know how bad she was
struggling. I never really pushed for
answers until me and my brother
started staying home alone. I faintly
remember asking my mom why all of
a sudden she trusted us to stay home
alone, and she said “It saves me a lot
of money and trouble, if you guys
watch yourselves.”
It never dawned on me that my own
family members would make my
mom pay them to watch their niece
and nephew. From then on I became
hyperaware of how my family acted
and talked about one another. I
came to a realization that all the
laughing, and “love” they seemed
to have for me and one another was
fake and phony.
As the years went on my family
continued to show their true colors,
and I started to look for that familial
love in other places.
Dealing with a toxic family, and
living in a single parent household
definitely made me think vepoorly
of myself, I felt as if I wasn’t
wanted. I yearned to have deep and
meaningful connections with others,
which led me to people who weren’t
supportive of me and brought a lot
of stress and drama into my life.
For the first two years of highschool,
I isolated myself from others. I never
let people get too close to me in
fear that they wouldn’t like what
they saw. Also during this time I
was struggling with my sexuality,
so my self-esteem and my mental
health was at an all time low. I never
told my family about what was
going on because I knew their love
wasn’t unconditional. They were
homophobic so I couldn’t come out,
and they didn’t believe in mental
health so I was alone.
I didn’t start opening up to people
until I got close with my best friend
Amya. I met Amya in ninth grade,
but we didn’t become friends until
we started working together at Red
Lobster. Amya was the first person
to accept all parts of me with no
judgment. She made me realize what
real love and support looked like and
I am forever thankful for that.
Ever since me and Amya got close
we have been attached at the hip,
but we still allow each other to grow
individually.
Once I started opening up to Amya I
decided to open myself up to all my
peers at school, and I met some of
the greatest people. By the time my
senior year started, I had a group of
friends that loved and cared for me
in ways that I couldn’t imagine. I had
finally found the family I had always
wanted.
Even though the family I was born
into didn’t appreciate me for who
I am, I am forever grateful that I
was able to find a support system
that loves me unconditionally and
hopefully someday in the future I
will be able to reconnect with my
family and repair our relationship.
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