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“We can create an infomercial and explain it that way. I’ll
handle it on television, as well as sell some toothbrush cleaners,
and you can take it to the streets, like you’ve been doing.”
“Couldn’t we,” began Thom, “just stop talking about aliens and
then everything would be fine?”
Captain Squeak walked back in.
“That would have worked if we hadn’t abducted you two. Our
intelligence shows that the humans are starting to get wise, what
with several onlookers seeing us throw the tarp over Fred when we
captured him. Probably should have used a bit more stealth with
that one. And then there was the case of the squirrel magically
appearing in a patient at In One End, Out The Other Proctologists.”
General Fuzzbottom twiddled his robotic thumbs and looked
around the room. A moment later he said, “See? They’re on to us.
We need you guys to run interference.”
“I’m in,” said Fred.
“Sure, why not,” said Thom. “I wouldn’t mind spewing
something that is actually crazy since everyone already assumes I
am.”
“Excellent!” said the General.
Fred and Thom appeared back on Earth right in the middle of
Central Park. They each went their separate ways and spread the
good word of General Fuzzbottom and his race of all knowing alien
squirrels and their never ending fight against the evil dung beetles
from space.
STEPHEN SCHWEGLER is the author of Perhaps., the co-author of Screw the
Universe and Itinerant Preacher at Jersey Devil Press. There's a high probability that he's
sitting on his couch right this very minute not being the least bit productive.
December 2011 37