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The Calderone Way<br />

By Gary L. Stockman<br />

"Truth can never go too far,"<br />

says Mary Steichen Calderone<br />

'39M, "pepperpot" greatgrandmother<br />

and one <strong>of</strong> this<br />

country's leading authorities on<br />

sex information and education.<br />

During a recent campus visit<br />

she brought with her a collection<br />

<strong>of</strong> home truths about<br />

raising children.<br />

T eaching<br />

kids about sex the<br />

Calderone way," read the headline<br />

Campus Times staffers gave to a<br />

report on a talk by Dr. Mary Steichen<br />

Calderone.<br />

And what is "the Calderone way"?<br />

Let's just say it starts informing kids<br />

early.<br />

"Children are born sexual,"<br />

Calderone told a crowd <strong>of</strong> attentive<br />

listeners at Hubbell Auditorium in<br />

Hutchison Hall. The talk was one in a<br />

number <strong>of</strong> presentations Calderone<br />

gave before students, health pr<strong>of</strong>essionals,<br />

campus counselors, faculty,<br />

and the news media during a visit to<br />

the <strong>University</strong> earlier this year.<br />

Calderone has been talking about<br />

sex, frankly and in public, for over<br />

thirty years, since she first started<br />

working for Planned Parenthood.<br />

N ow one <strong>of</strong> the world's foremost<br />

authorities on human sexuality,<br />

Calderone, after her graduation from<br />

<strong>Rochester</strong>'s medical school in 1939,<br />

went on to take a master <strong>of</strong> public<br />

health degree at Columbia <strong>University</strong><br />

three years later. She was named<br />

medical director <strong>of</strong> Planned Parenthood<br />

in that group's fledgling years,<br />

then left to found the Sex Information<br />

and Education Council <strong>of</strong> the United<br />

States (SIECUS) where, as executive<br />

director and president, she became one<br />

<strong>of</strong> the country's leading advocates <strong>of</strong><br />

sex education for youngsters. ("She's<br />

one <strong>of</strong> the great figures <strong>of</strong> our era who<br />

opened people's minds," says Dr. Karl<br />

Menninger, chairman <strong>of</strong> the famed<br />

Menninger Foundation.)<br />

She also, as more than one journalist<br />

has pointed out, "made the words 'sex'<br />

and 'sexuality' OK to say and OK to<br />

print. "<br />

Calderone returned to <strong>Rochester</strong><br />

with a substantive message to students,<br />

many <strong>of</strong> whom would be starting their<br />

own families within a few years.<br />

Parents, she said, must take charge<br />

<strong>of</strong> their child's sexual education early.<br />

"The commonest question is, 'How do<br />

I get over my embarrassment?' Well,<br />

that embarrassment was laid on them<br />

by their parents, who had had it laid on<br />

them by their parents.<br />

"What's more important to you,<br />

your embarrassment and its protection,<br />

or your child's. future welfare as a<br />

husband or. wife?"<br />

With that understanding, Calderone<br />

went on, in her presentations, to touch<br />

on a wide range <strong>of</strong> subjects, including<br />

the development <strong>of</strong> her own sexuality.<br />

"I was about two or three, I think.<br />

And I grew up in a world that tried to<br />

stop my growth, which did me a lot <strong>of</strong><br />

damage."<br />

In her adult life, Calderone said, she<br />

has maintained that "children are entitled<br />

to the truth about everything,<br />

and they're entitled to it when they<br />

need it. And when they need it is in<br />

childhood. It's too late in<br />

adolescence. "<br />

Though critics <strong>of</strong> her approach insist<br />

that such attitudes breed promiscuity,<br />

Calderone demurs. "They [the critics]<br />

have said I'm advocating sex. Sure I<br />

am! I'm advocating the basic sexuality<br />

<strong>of</strong> every human being, and the right to<br />

knowledge about it.<br />

"But I'm not advocating free sex,<br />

heaven help me. That would be<br />

stupid. "<br />

Instead, Calderone told audiences,<br />

she favors an open, truthful attitude.<br />

That way individuals can develop the<br />

confidence to be selective about their<br />

sexual experiences.<br />

"The very first time you begin really<br />

informing your child about sex is when<br />

you are naming the parts <strong>of</strong> the body<br />

with the child, and you carefully skip<br />

from the umbilicus down to the knee<br />

-and you never name those intervening<br />

parts <strong>of</strong> the body. "<br />

In a short time, she said, a child <strong>of</strong><br />

four or five may point to that area and<br />

say "That's not me."<br />

"But everything changes once you<br />

accept the initial premise, and the initial<br />

premise is, 'My child is born sexual<br />

and has been sexual in the uterus.'<br />

This is part-and I say this now as a<br />

believing Quaker-this is part <strong>of</strong><br />

God's plan, if you will.<br />

"This is the way babies are. Who<br />

are we to deny it? How dare we?"<br />

Feisty-some people call her a<br />

"pepperpot"; a colleague puts it more<br />

gently: "Mary tends to be a very<br />

positive person" -Calderone has<br />

continued on page 43<br />

19

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