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The Calderone Way<br />
By Gary L. Stockman<br />
"Truth can never go too far,"<br />
says Mary Steichen Calderone<br />
'39M, "pepperpot" greatgrandmother<br />
and one <strong>of</strong> this<br />
country's leading authorities on<br />
sex information and education.<br />
During a recent campus visit<br />
she brought with her a collection<br />
<strong>of</strong> home truths about<br />
raising children.<br />
T eaching<br />
kids about sex the<br />
Calderone way," read the headline<br />
Campus Times staffers gave to a<br />
report on a talk by Dr. Mary Steichen<br />
Calderone.<br />
And what is "the Calderone way"?<br />
Let's just say it starts informing kids<br />
early.<br />
"Children are born sexual,"<br />
Calderone told a crowd <strong>of</strong> attentive<br />
listeners at Hubbell Auditorium in<br />
Hutchison Hall. The talk was one in a<br />
number <strong>of</strong> presentations Calderone<br />
gave before students, health pr<strong>of</strong>essionals,<br />
campus counselors, faculty,<br />
and the news media during a visit to<br />
the <strong>University</strong> earlier this year.<br />
Calderone has been talking about<br />
sex, frankly and in public, for over<br />
thirty years, since she first started<br />
working for Planned Parenthood.<br />
N ow one <strong>of</strong> the world's foremost<br />
authorities on human sexuality,<br />
Calderone, after her graduation from<br />
<strong>Rochester</strong>'s medical school in 1939,<br />
went on to take a master <strong>of</strong> public<br />
health degree at Columbia <strong>University</strong><br />
three years later. She was named<br />
medical director <strong>of</strong> Planned Parenthood<br />
in that group's fledgling years,<br />
then left to found the Sex Information<br />
and Education Council <strong>of</strong> the United<br />
States (SIECUS) where, as executive<br />
director and president, she became one<br />
<strong>of</strong> the country's leading advocates <strong>of</strong><br />
sex education for youngsters. ("She's<br />
one <strong>of</strong> the great figures <strong>of</strong> our era who<br />
opened people's minds," says Dr. Karl<br />
Menninger, chairman <strong>of</strong> the famed<br />
Menninger Foundation.)<br />
She also, as more than one journalist<br />
has pointed out, "made the words 'sex'<br />
and 'sexuality' OK to say and OK to<br />
print. "<br />
Calderone returned to <strong>Rochester</strong><br />
with a substantive message to students,<br />
many <strong>of</strong> whom would be starting their<br />
own families within a few years.<br />
Parents, she said, must take charge<br />
<strong>of</strong> their child's sexual education early.<br />
"The commonest question is, 'How do<br />
I get over my embarrassment?' Well,<br />
that embarrassment was laid on them<br />
by their parents, who had had it laid on<br />
them by their parents.<br />
"What's more important to you,<br />
your embarrassment and its protection,<br />
or your child's. future welfare as a<br />
husband or. wife?"<br />
With that understanding, Calderone<br />
went on, in her presentations, to touch<br />
on a wide range <strong>of</strong> subjects, including<br />
the development <strong>of</strong> her own sexuality.<br />
"I was about two or three, I think.<br />
And I grew up in a world that tried to<br />
stop my growth, which did me a lot <strong>of</strong><br />
damage."<br />
In her adult life, Calderone said, she<br />
has maintained that "children are entitled<br />
to the truth about everything,<br />
and they're entitled to it when they<br />
need it. And when they need it is in<br />
childhood. It's too late in<br />
adolescence. "<br />
Though critics <strong>of</strong> her approach insist<br />
that such attitudes breed promiscuity,<br />
Calderone demurs. "They [the critics]<br />
have said I'm advocating sex. Sure I<br />
am! I'm advocating the basic sexuality<br />
<strong>of</strong> every human being, and the right to<br />
knowledge about it.<br />
"But I'm not advocating free sex,<br />
heaven help me. That would be<br />
stupid. "<br />
Instead, Calderone told audiences,<br />
she favors an open, truthful attitude.<br />
That way individuals can develop the<br />
confidence to be selective about their<br />
sexual experiences.<br />
"The very first time you begin really<br />
informing your child about sex is when<br />
you are naming the parts <strong>of</strong> the body<br />
with the child, and you carefully skip<br />
from the umbilicus down to the knee<br />
-and you never name those intervening<br />
parts <strong>of</strong> the body. "<br />
In a short time, she said, a child <strong>of</strong><br />
four or five may point to that area and<br />
say "That's not me."<br />
"But everything changes once you<br />
accept the initial premise, and the initial<br />
premise is, 'My child is born sexual<br />
and has been sexual in the uterus.'<br />
This is part-and I say this now as a<br />
believing Quaker-this is part <strong>of</strong><br />
God's plan, if you will.<br />
"This is the way babies are. Who<br />
are we to deny it? How dare we?"<br />
Feisty-some people call her a<br />
"pepperpot"; a colleague puts it more<br />
gently: "Mary tends to be a very<br />
positive person" -Calderone has<br />
continued on page 43<br />
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