Blue & Gold, Issue 8 - the International School of Belgrade
Blue & Gold, Issue 8 - the International School of Belgrade
Blue & Gold, Issue 8 - the International School of Belgrade
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2<br />
Smoking<br />
Rubble<br />
RetiRement<br />
home<br />
Mutually Assured Destruction too<br />
much for you? A little scared now<br />
that you’re older? Nobody pays<br />
any attention to your death threats<br />
anymore? Anthrax and Napalm<br />
just doesn’t cut it anymore?<br />
Its time for you to retire.<br />
Where:<br />
Smoking Ruins Retirement homes<br />
is situated on “44 Moose-Goose<br />
Way, Dirt shire,” with 50 acres <strong>of</strong><br />
bleak landscape filled with bombed<br />
out buildings, minefields, airports<br />
and trenches.<br />
The Team:<br />
Our qualified team <strong>of</strong> pr<strong>of</strong>essionals<br />
will cater to any <strong>of</strong> your terrorist<br />
desires, from posting your death<br />
threats, calculating your ransom<br />
prices, providing a fake media<br />
spotlight or changing your incontinence<br />
bag.<br />
thRee ReaSonS why you<br />
Should liSten to youR<br />
goveRnment and take all <strong>the</strong><br />
“Recommended” tRavel<br />
“pRecautionS” <strong>the</strong>y “adviSe”.<br />
Name: Illich Ramirez Sanchez,<br />
later known as Carlos <strong>the</strong> Jackal<br />
(1949- )<br />
Nationality: Venezuelan<br />
Association/s: Formerly associated<br />
with <strong>the</strong> Popular Front for<br />
<strong>the</strong> Liberation <strong>of</strong> Palestine<br />
Claim to Notoriety: Ramirez’ high<br />
pr<strong>of</strong>ile terrorism, associations<br />
with leaders from Saddam Hussein<br />
to Libyan Muammar Qaddafi,<br />
and apparent ruthlessness made<br />
him <strong>the</strong> most notorious terrorist<br />
<strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> 1970s.<br />
Currently: Ramirez is in Clairvaux<br />
prison in France, after conviction<br />
in 1997. In March, 2007, a<br />
conviction against him for statements<br />
he made supporting terrorism<br />
was overturned<br />
Name: Osama bin Laden<br />
Nationality: Saudi (citizenship<br />
stripped)<br />
Association/s:Al Qaeda<br />
Claim to Notoriety: Osama<br />
is wanted for 9/11 Attacks; He<br />
has declared war against United<br />
States<br />
Currently: At large, perhaps in<br />
Afghanistan or Pakistan<br />
Features<br />
Name: Ulrike Meinh<strong>of</strong> (1934-<br />
1976)<br />
Nationality: German<br />
Association/s: Red Army Faction<br />
(aka Baader Meinh<strong>of</strong> Gang)<br />
(defunct)<br />
Claim to Notoriety: Meinh<strong>of</strong><br />
was one <strong>of</strong> West Germany’s most<br />
sought after intellectuals in postwar<br />
Germany, known for her<br />
commitment to leftist causes as<br />
well as her beauty and chic attitude.<br />
Her fame followed her when<br />
she went underground, leading<br />
<strong>the</strong> Baader Meinh<strong>of</strong> gang in its<br />
“armed struggle” against <strong>the</strong> German<br />
state.<br />
Currently: Meinh<strong>of</strong> committed<br />
suicide in prison in 1976.<br />
He’ll kill you<br />
Activities:<br />
To help prevent boredom and suicide,<br />
which are common in retirement<br />
homes, we have come up<br />
with an exciting Four day rotation<br />
<strong>of</strong> activities;<br />
Day 1: Killing and maiming 101 followed<br />
by lunch and story time.<br />
Day 2: Armed Combat 1 (close<br />
combat) followed by crumpets and<br />
Armed Combat2 (firearms)<br />
Day 3: how<br />
to? -Homemadeexp<br />
l o s i v e s - ,<br />
followed by<br />
b o u r g e o i s<br />
c o o k i n g<br />
class until<br />
dinner.<br />
Cooking class at<br />
Smoking Rubble<br />
Day 4: <strong>International</strong> Terrorism (<strong>the</strong><br />
basics) followed by lunch and “Using<br />
<strong>the</strong> media”<br />
Utilities:<br />
Smoking Ruins has two on-site<br />
hospitals, (one used for missile<br />
testing) it has a day spa, a fully<br />
equipped relaxation facility with<br />
aroma <strong>the</strong>rapy and chocolate massages.<br />
For <strong>the</strong> more outdoorsy terrorist<br />
we have several minefields<br />
that make for riveting 18 par golf<br />
courses.<br />
Special Deals:<br />
We <strong>of</strong>fer special deals to members<br />
<strong>of</strong> organizations that are no longer<br />
on <strong>the</strong> front page and are unwilling<br />
to die for <strong>the</strong>ir cause. We also <strong>of</strong>fer<br />
half price deals to all suicide bombers<br />
who failed to die.<br />
Luxury suites