Do you want to know what incest is? What it really is? No ...

loved ones had abruptly dumped me! Licked! How bizarre! A puzzle.”
Lack of empathy
Lack of empathy for the victim is typical of offenders. Every therapist I spoke to
commented on this characteristic. All said that for offenders to be rehabilitated they
must take responsibility for what they did and develop empathy for their victims. With
one possible exception, not one of the offenders I interviewed had done this.
Joe
I am talking to Joe. His daughter accused him of sexually abusing her. He pleaded nolo
contendere. "But I didn't do it," he says. His sentence: four years probation, with
therapy. He has been in treatment for two years. " When I first came to therapy," he
says, "I had an attitude that I was being punished for what I didn't do. I had no rights,
when you got right into it."
I ask how he feels about the therapy he is required to undergo now. "It's a little
inconvenient," he says, "but it helps me in dealing with other people to understand
them. I think it would be helpful if a lot of people could go through a program to give
them understanding and another outlook, instead of being negative or feeling put down."
I ask him again about his daughter. "I never touched her," he says.
Later I talk with Joe's therapist. "Is he in denial?" I ask.
"Denial," the therapist replies, "is when someone says `She asked for it' or `She didn't
say no.' Joe's not in denial. He's lying."
Chris
I am talking to Chris. His sentence: 8 to 23 months in jail plus 5 years probation, with
therapy. He has served 8 months and has been in therapy for 2 years.
"My stepdaughter and I had an affair when she was thirteen," he says. "It lasted a year.
I got sick and had to go on dialysis. My wife was working. My stepdaughter was taking
care of me. She was like the wife. She never refused me or anything. I really believe
she fell in love with me. More than like a father. She met a boy and fell in love. He was
into selling cocaine. I didn't want him in the house. I slapped her. She ran to her
grandmother and told. She" didn't want to take it to court, didn't want me to go to jail.
But her grandmother and Women Against Rape stepped in. The grandmother never did
like me anyway. They blew it out of proportion and it got all stinky. I did what I could to
keep it out of the paper. I could have beat it. I have to come here [to therapy] or I'd have
to serve all my time. But if I didn't have to come, I wouldn't."
"Is there a message you would like me to pass on to the people who read this?" I ask
him. "Can you tell me something that would help them?"
"Yes!" he replies. "I want you to tell them that if their child gets a boyfriend, don't stand
in the way. Don't say no. If I hadn't said no to her, this would never have happened."
Bob
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