Workshop for Beginning Legal Writing Teachers - AALS

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Workshop for Beginning Legal Writing Teachers relevant to distinguish Mr. Pemberque’s background from that of Lewis Lani, it may be too risky to rely on the court finding that Mr. Lani did not reasonably fear that Mr. Pemberque intended to injure him. __________, Overall, nice job with this draft. The overall organization is good; the section starts with specific rules, then gives analogous case information, and then goes through the arguments for each side, and ends with a mini-conclusion, just as it should be in the script format. You’ve also done a very nice job in really wrestling with a variety of factual details from our case; it’s always important to focus on our facts, but that’s particularly true with a totality of the circumstances analysis like this one. The draft also has some good comparisons between our facts and the analogous case. And the writing mechanics are generally polished as well, which helps establish your credibility. As you revise, though, focus in particular on the following things: � First, make sure that the reader thoroughly understands the relevant law before you get into the argument paragraphs. If there are any other useful analogous cases to give the reader a more complete picture of the law, bring those in. If not, at least make sure that your analogous case description contains all the key points/concepts that you want to use for your arguments later. � With respect to the arguments, make sure that they are organized around legal concepts or points, not just narrow facts. Try to make the topic sentences of each argumentative assertion more principle based (e.g. Mr. Pemberque seemed to target Mr. Lani, instead of he knew about his schedule, or because the victim’s characteristics made him particularly vulnerable, rather than mentioning age or developmental delays). If you organize the arguments around concepts, that will help you make some of the comparisons clearer, and it may also help you combine paragraphs – some of the paragraphs here seem to relate to the same point, but using different facts. Organize by point, not by fact. � Finally, work on conciseness. That section in the LWH has good information about making sure that you make each point once (macrolevel conciseness), and it also has good information about helping you get rid of unnecessary words within individual sentences. The writing will be clearer and easier to follow if it is tightened up in both those ways. Overall, though, good start. 44 Comment [MNB30]: This wording is hard to follow.
Sample Student Draft for the Small Group Session on Critiquing MEMORANDUM To: Supervising Attorney From: Student, Legal Attorney Date: September 22, 2010 45 Workshop for Beginning Legal Writing Teachers RE: Frank Pemberque, Charged with ‘Stalking’ under RCW 9A.46.110, Plea Bargain Discussion Issue There are three relevant legal questions that must be determined in order for Frank Pemberque to be convicted under Washington’s ‘Stalking’ statute, RCW 9A.46.110 First, under Washington’s Harassment – Stalking Statute, RCW 9A.46.110, can it be established that Mr. Pemberque ‘repeatedly followed’ the victim when he admitted to regularly parking on his own street in front of the victim’s residence when the victim was at home? Secondly, under Washington’s Harassment – Stalking statute RCW 9A.46.110, can it be established that the victim had a reasonable fear of being injured or another being injured when Mr. Pemberque kept a four-inch blade on his passenger seat as he repeatedly parked in front of the victim’s residence? Lastly, under Washington’s Harassment – Stalking statute RCW 9A.46.110, did Mr. Pemberque intend to frighten, intimidate, or harass victim, or, did he know or should he have known that the victim was afraid when the police department warned Mr. Pemberque that his actions were frightening the victim? Statement of Facts Frank Pemberque has contacted our office asking for assistance with his felony stalking charge. Mr. Pemberque has been offered a plea agreement and you have asked me to determine whether the state will be able to prove all of the elements of stalking beyond a reasonable doubt. Mr. Pemberque lives at 4610 S.W. 327 th Pl. in Federal Way, Washington. He has resided at this location, with his two children, for about 12 years. Henry Lani is a convicted sex offender, and was released to live with his mother at 4621 S.W. 327 th Pl. on July 19, 2010. Around that time Mr. Pemberque received a notice notifying him that a sex offender, Mr. Lani, was moving into his neighborhood.
Page 1: the improvement of the legal profes
Page 5: Welcome 5 Workshop for Beginning Le
Page 9 and 10: Program AALS Workshop for Beginning
Page 11 and 12: Thursday, June 23, continued 11:00
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Page 16 and 17: Workshop for Beginning Legal Writin
Page 19: Workshop Materials Workshop speaker
Page 39 and 40: Reasonable Fear Excerpt from the Cr
Page 41 and 42: schedule. The State will argue that
Page 43: her, exited his car, and stood next
Page 47 and 48: (c) The stalker…: 47 Workshop for
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Page 51: Conclusion 51 Workshop for Beginnin
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Workshop for Beginning Legal Writing Teachers - AALS

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