THE FOOL ERRANT - World eBook Library - World Public Library

coat of Aquamorta's servant I was naturally accepted as such. The master-cook, who saw directly that I was a foreigner,
courteously invited me to the right hand of Gentucca, ordering a bouncing girl of the name of Maria- Maddelena to make room
for me. She very pleasantly did so; my plate was heaped, my cup was filled; all the company stood up and drank my health.
Nothing could have been kinder than this humble society. My eyes clouded more than once to recognise it.
My host exerted himself to entertain me, though he tried (and I cannot blame him) to entertain the company at the same time.
Perhaps his curiosity got the better of his good nature; certainly he pumped me as dry as I could be induced to go, and it was
not until he had learned everything I cared to tell him that he remembered that he could impart as well as receive. He discussed
my master (as he supposed him to be), the cavaliere, and by what he told me gave me some entertainment not unmixed with
anxiety. That obliging and imperturbable person was, I found out, a gentleman of fortune—a term which implies that he was not
a gentleman at all and had no kind of fortune but what he could secure of his neighbours. He travelled like a prince, and spent
his money freely, but all was, as my host said, a case of casting nets. "Not but what my gentleman loves his belly as much as you
or I," said the master- cook; "and small blame to him if he do. A man's head has no more stout ally than his paunch, while it is
well lined, and no more arrant deserter if he cut short the supplies. But if you suppose, sir, that the banquet which I have sent
upstairs is all for Aquamorta and his lady to consume en tete-a-tete, you know very little about him. Why, I'll wager that
demirep of a valet of his has collected half our young blades to the board. Good food, good wine, good talk there will be, never
fear. And afterwards—what follows? So soon as the tables are cleared out come the cards and the fishes. His Excellency, to
oblige the company, will make a faro-bank; the company—well fed and well drunken—to oblige his Excellency, will punt. The
signora will do the same for the ladies, the ladies for the signora. Now do you see the drift of his net? Should any little dispute
arise—as will be on occasion—the cavaliere's sword is at the disposition of the gentleman offended. He is something of a
marksman, too, as you cannot fail to have heard if you are a traveller. He has killed a man and undone a couple of ladies in
every Court of Europe. He has been under the leads at Venice, and out again, deuce knows how. He has been expelled from
half the cities of Italy, and has turned the story into capital in the other half. A most exorbitant, irresistible droll of a master you
have there, sir; but who his decoy- duck of the moment may be, I dare say you can tell better than I. A fine young woman, and
a cool hand, I could see for myself. I thought she looked waspish and gave herself more graces than were hers by nature. He
has a taste for a bitter with his food, it appears; something tart and sharp to give an edge to his palate, perhaps. Do you happen
to know her name?"
I said she was known to me as Donna Virginia, whereat he laughed gaily, and taking Gentucca round the waist, kissed her
heartily, saying that she was the virgin for him.
Shortly after this, with a few words of polite excuse, he broke up the table and retired with his partner. The rest of the company
gave itself up to pleasures which were as zestful as they were free. It may be imagined that I had little taste for such simple
sports as these worthy persons could devise. I sat, an unhappy spectator of their gambols—but a diversion of a vigorous kind
was at hand. In the midst of the scuffling and babel of voices in the kitchen I heard the strident tones of the cavaliere, evidently
in a great rage.
"Where is that dastardly dog? Where is that villain of a cook?" I heard him roar on the stairs. "Bring me that scoundrel that I
may slit his ears!" At this moment he burst through the doors, a terrific spectacle of fury, his eyes burning like fires, his face
inflamed, his drawn sword in his hand. The company scattered to the walls or dived beneath the tables, chairs were overturned,
the maids began to scream.
He glared about him at the desert he had made. "Produce me the cook, you knaves," cried he, "or I mow you down like
thistles." The master-cook's face peeped through the gently opened door, and the cavaliere, across the room in two strides,
seized his victim by the ear and pulled him headlong into the kitchen. "Hound!" he roared, "and son of a hound! Take the
punishment you have earned."
"Sir, sir!" says the unhappy cook, "what have I done?"
"Done!" cries the cavaliere, screwing him unmercifully by the ear, "you have compassed my death by your infernal arts. I am
poisoned—a dying man, but my last ounce of strength shall be enough to avenge me." So said, he began to belabour the wretch
with the flat of his sword, and at each stroke the cook gave a howl of terror. His poor little mistress ran out of her concealment
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