HASTE TO THE WEDDING - Haddon Hall

18 HASTE TO THE WEDDING - ACT I - SCENE 2
MAGUIRE. Very good. (To BOPADDY, in normal voice.) Now it’s your turn.
(Loudly.) Now it’s your turn. (In a whisper.) Now it’s your turn.
BOPAD. Oh—my turn (advancing with dignity). Sir (to CRIPPS), before I consent to
become a witness in this matter—
ALL. (bursting into chorus). On a Saturday—on a Saturday!
BOPAD. I should like to express my views as to the qualifications of a witness—
ALL. (as before). On the fourth of May—on the fourth of May!
CRIPPS. What is he talking about?
BOPAD. In the first place, he should be of full age. I am. In the second, he should be
a Briton by birth. I am. In the third—
ALL. Oh, he was born at Pettybun,
On the fourth of May—on the fourth of May,
In eighteen hundred twenty-one,
On a Saturday—on a Saturday!
(All sit suddenly.)
FOODLE. (looking off stage). Oh, uncle, uncle! look here! (During the dialogue that
follows BOPADDY has been much fascinated with the two milliners’ dolls’ heads, flirting first
with one, then with the other, as if unable to make up his mind which of them he prefers.)
MAGUIRE. What! my son-in-law elect, kissing a young woman! It’s off! It’s off!
Foodle, my daughter is yours!
FOODLE. Maria! (Putting his arms round her.)
(Enter WOODPECKER.)
WOOD. Why in the world haven’t you gone back to your cabs?
MAGUIRE. Sir, it’s off! It’s off!
WOOD. Very good.
MAGUIRE. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
WOOD. I am. What have I done?
MAGUIRE. You dare to ask that when I saw you through that door with a young
woman in your arms!
WOOD. (aside). He saw me! (Aloud.) I admit it, sir!
MARIA. (crying). He owns to it!
ALL. (crying). He owns to it!
FOODLE. My darling! (Embracing MARIA.)
WOOD. Will you stop that hugging?
FOODLE. She’s my cousin—we were brought up together.
MAGUIRE. It’s quite allowable—she’s his cousin.