and more Front Royal rings in the season - Warren County Report

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ALONG THESE LINES
‘Twas the Night Before Fiscal Cliff
By Nick Thomas
‘Twas the night before Fiscal Cliff, and throughout
the land,
Democrats, Republicans were taking a stand.
Their positions unwavering, intractably firm,
With donkey-like stubbornness or entrenched
pachyderm.
But the public were hopeful all snug in their
beds,
With visions of compromise alive in their heads.
“Come on!” said the people in frustrated dismay.
“Abandon this meaningless partisan fray.”
When Obama and Boehner finally met,
Their first thoughts were not of a country in
debt.
And Obama, the chief, said to Boehner “Oh
crap!
I’d rather depart for a nice winter’s nap.”
“I know,” sighed Boehner “I’ve plenty to do,
Was planning to take a vacation or two.”
“Never mind,” said the Prez, “we’ll just keep delaying,
Who cares what the grumbling public are saying.”
But out in the blogosphere there arose such a
clatter,
The people revolted, resolving this matter:
“There’s only one way to deal with such fools
Obama and Boehner must settle by duel.”
“No way!” said Obama, “I’m renowned for my
peace,
“With a medal of proof on my lounge mantle
piece.”
“I agree” cried Boehner, not eager to battle,
And caught the first plane heading out to Seattle.
“Come back,” yelled the people, “we demand this
by right,
You’ve had chances to talk, now you settle this
fight.”
But the pair, reunited, were far from impressed,
As the thought of a duel made them rather depressed.
As he pondered alternative White House residents,
Obama now saw why we have the vice presidents.
Quick thinking, as always, to Biden he beckoned,
“Get over here Joe, and I’ll make you my second.”
“Now Joe I expect you’ll appear around dawn,
To face off with Boehner on the White House’s
lawn.”
Early December, 01 • Warren County Report • Page 5
Opinion
Meet the lockout lawyers destroying sports
By Dave Zirin
Currently the sports world is suffering
its fourth lockout in the past
fourteen months. On four occasions
since August 011, pro sports owners
have locked their publicly-subsidized
stadium doors, sent stadium workers
home and stopped play as usual. This
is not coincidence or happenstance.
It’s a coordinated management offensive
that has reverberations far
beyond the playing field.
Let’s look at the facts.
Last fall it was NFL and NBA players
locked out of their jobs. This offseason,
we first had the NFL referees,
who make a pittance relative to the
league’s revenue, watching scab refs
stumble for three weeks. Now we
have the ongoing lockout of National
Hockey League players. NHL owners
are coming off a year in which they
made a record $3.3 billion in revenue.
League owners have responded
to this success by locking out the
players, demanding massive concessions,
canceling eighty-two games
and squandering reservoirs of good
will among fans (a settlement was reportedly
brewing as this column was
written).
I’m sure this must seem like a
wild coincidence: four lockouts in
fourteen months, affecting three of
the four major professional sports
leagues of this country.
What are the odds? Actually,
they’re very good.
This is not merely a case of four
sets of labor negotiations that have
tragically broken down. This is a conscious,
industry-wide strategy. A law
firm called Proskauer Rose is now
representing management in all four
major men’s sports leagues, the first
time in history one firm has been
hired to play such a unified role.
In practice, this has meant that in
four sets of negotiations with four
very different economic issues at play,
we get the same results: lockouts and
a stack of union complaints with the
National Labor Relations Board. It’s
been great for owners and awful for
players, fans, stadium workers and
tax payers.
Proskauer Rose partner Howard
Ganz represents the NBA and Major
League Baseball, and fellow-partner
Bob Batterman has led negotiations
for the NFL and the NHL. As Sports
Business Daily reported, “Batterman
and Ganz provide advice on strategy,
as well as on issues that can emerge
during talks, such as the legality of
using replacement players.”
In other words, they are the people
who scuttle collective bargaining
and give word when to bring on the
scabs.
It was the now-infamous Batterman
who was lead negotiator when
NHL owners locked out the players
in 005 and canceled the entire season.
Ian Pulver, counsel for the NHL
Players Association in 005, said of
the lawyer, “Bob Batterman is a hard-
nosed, smart management attorney
who leaves no stone unturned. He
will do his best to attempt to execute
the orders of his clients including,
but not limited to, breaking unions if
necessary.”
When Batterman was told of
Pulver’s words he said, “I would be
proud to have that on my epitaph.”
Proskaur Rose’s love affair with
corporate power is not confined to
representing professional sports
owners. They boast on their website
of having “one of the world’s pre-eminent
private equity practices.” They
are Bain, if Bain was smart enough
to remain in the shadows. The firm’s
other prize clients are a Murderer’s
Row of Big Oil titans including BP
America, Chevron, and ExxonMobil.
Incidentally, this culture of representing
polluters and union busters
with pride and without societal
concern seems reflected in the firm’s
internal culture. Proskauer Rose is
now being sued by their former Chief
Financial Officer Elly Rosenthal, who
accused the law firm of firing her
following sixteen years as CFO after
she took leave for breast cancer
See ZIRIN, p.
“Yeah right!” smiled old Joe, “Would love to assist,
I ain’t packing no pistol – what if I missed?”
And then, in a twinkling, Obama’s next step,
Was to call up more buddies, to be his next rep.
“Now Pelosi! Now Clinton! Now Durbin and
Reid!
But all vanished from Washington with notable
speed.
“Oh dear,” mused Obama, “now what shall I do?”
So he phoned up Boehner for a quick rendezvous.
“My friend, we are beaten, let’s abandon aggression.”
“Agreed,” said the Speaker, “it’s time for concession.”
So they sprang into action, both recommending,
Adding some taxes and cutting some spending.
Then I heard them exclaim, “We’ve reached a
consensus!
Good-bye Fiscal Cliff, we’ve come to our senses.”
(Nick Thomas’ features and columns have appeared
in more than 250 magazines and newspapers,
including the Washington Post, LA Times,
Chicago Tribune, Boston Globe, San Francisco
Chronicle, and Christian Science Monitor. He can
be reached at alongtheselines@yahoo.com)