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44<br />

Cyan Magenta Yellow Black<br />

<strong>Hippo</strong> | July 1 - 7, 2010 | Page 44<br />

44<br />

MUsIC,<br />

pop CULTURE<br />

Index<br />

CDs pg45<br />

• Minus the Bear, Omni, A<br />

• The Golden Filter, Voluspa, A<br />

BooKs pg46<br />

• Excavating the Sutler’s House:<br />

Artifacts of the British Armies in Fort<br />

Edward and Lake George, A<br />

Includes listings for lectures, author events,<br />

book clubs, writers’ workshops and other lit-<br />

erary events. To let us know about your book<br />

or event, e-mail Lisa Parsons at lparsons@<br />

hippopress.com. To get your author events,<br />

library events and more listed, send informa-<br />

tion to listings@hippopress.com.<br />

FILM pg48<br />

• The Tiwlight Saga: Eclipse, C+<br />

• Mother And Child, B<br />

BooKs,<br />

GAMEs, CoMICs,<br />

MoVIEs, DVDs,<br />

TV AND MoRE<br />

Dork vs. Dork: The Twilight saga: Eclipse<br />

Glenn is ‘on’ Team Jacob; Dan ‘supports’ Team Edward. (What, no mummies?)<br />

There is but one scientific certainty that I know: werewolves are<br />

It all begins… with a choice. Indeed. And if given a choice<br />

far, far better than vampires. Werewolves have a longer historical<br />

between Edward Cullen and Count Dracula (you know, the<br />

record than vampires. They are referenced in the Satyricon from<br />

actual vampire), my money’s on Bela Lagosi. This is going<br />

60AD and the founders of Rome were probably werewolves when<br />

to get complicated, so try to not be distracted by Dakota Fan-<br />

you think about it. When w<strong>as</strong> the earliest vampire story? Oh, what<br />

ning here, OK? Focus!<br />

w<strong>as</strong> that? The mid-17th century? Werewolves have two millennia<br />

There’s <strong>this</strong> scene in the 1931 film where a guest at Dracula’s<br />

of kicking <strong>as</strong>s and taking names all over Western history. Also,<br />

c<strong>as</strong>tle cuts his finger on a kitchen knife, and Lugosi’s Dracula is<br />

werewolves aren’t Native American “yah” dudes who never discovered the T-shirt; unable to restrain himself and lunges for the speck of blood. The moment is more<br />

they are dudes who turn into half-man half-wolf monsters, come to your house and or less pulled from the Bram Stoker book and sort of similar to the silent film Nos-<br />

wreck up the place. Silver bullets don’t stop them, buddy; that is a myth introduced in feratu. It’s that lack of restraint, the blood lust, <strong>as</strong> opposed to Cullen’s — I don’t<br />

early 20th-century retelling of the French Be<strong>as</strong>t of Gévaudan tale, and w<strong>as</strong> added to know — mopey urges, that set the standard for vampires.<br />

make something French seem tough.<br />

There have been so many vampires over the years, mostly ridiculous, but some<br />

Fact: Werewolves are hardcore atheists who are not scared of crosses. Double memorable and true to the spirit of vampires. Christopher Lee w<strong>as</strong> pretty good.<br />

fact: Werewolves are the subject of much better heavy metal than vampires are. Chris Sarandon in Fright Night w<strong>as</strong> fun. Remember that line about how it’s not<br />

Triple fact: HBO’s True Blood is really dumb.<br />

the cross that defeats vampires, it’s belief. That’s a throwback to Lugosi. Then Ann<br />

While Joss Whedon, Charlaine Harris and even J.K. Rowling have all c<strong>as</strong>hed fat Rice came along, and vampires began the slow, dreary slide to melodrama. Buffy<br />

checks by em<strong>as</strong>culating the ferocious total awesomery of werewolves and betting had fun, sometimes, when Angel w<strong>as</strong> bad or with early Spike.<br />

on the supposed sexual magnetism of vampires, let me <strong>as</strong>k you <strong>this</strong>: Who would The Twilight Saga is, of course, the natural progression of the vampire’s decline.<br />

you rather make out with, a brawny hunk who can toss you around like a rag doll The defanging, if you will, of a cultural touchstone, replaced by trite and hollow tween<br />

or a clammy dweeb who perpetually smells like a pack of clove cigarettes chain angst. No blood lust. No fear. Just another sanitized soap opera for the ringtone set.<br />

smoked on a hot plate of roadkill? Also, a technical but salient point: since none But it could be worse, I suppose. The werewolves could win, and that’s just plain<br />

of the “werewolves” in Twilight turn into half-man half-wolves they are not true silly, <strong>as</strong> the Underworld series h<strong>as</strong> illustrated. And now Edward and Jacob have to<br />

werewolves and thus do not tarnish the good werewolf name. The same cannot be team up to protect Bella? Ugh, why? There’s more heat between the two of them,<br />

said of vampires, but frankly, they didn’t have much gravit<strong>as</strong> left to lose. than anything Kristen Stewart can muster. I don’t know, it’s all so sad. In the end,<br />

I’ll go with Team Edward, but only because there’s no Team Lugosi.<br />

DAN REspoNDs<br />

Really, those are your facts? Here’s some more. Fact: Michael Landon<br />

w<strong>as</strong> a werewolf. And Michael J. Fox. And Seth Green. Not exactly the werewolf<br />

dream team, buddy boy. Heck, Wolfman Jack w<strong>as</strong> the best werewolf in<br />

history and he w<strong>as</strong> born that way!<br />

Fact: in 1971 a werewolf faced a vampire woman (in the cl<strong>as</strong>sic Werewolf<br />

vs. the Vampire Woman) and got its mangy butt kicked.<br />

No, I’m afraid any “monster” that can be defeated with a rolled up newspaper<br />

and is constantly complaining about his curse pales in comparison to<br />

pretty much any vampire. Except Gary Oldman.<br />

1000 Elm Street, Manchester<br />

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GLENN REspoNDs<br />

Twilight h<strong>as</strong> done for vampires what Starbucks did to your local coffee<br />

houses. It h<strong>as</strong> scrubbed the character and danger out of your town and made it<br />

safe for the painfully bland who spend their time walking their chocolate labs<br />

instead of cutting themselves for attention. I confess, I’ve done the goth dance<br />

at NYC’s Bat Cave and spent my fair share of allowances on Vampire: The<br />

M<strong>as</strong>querade RPG books. But, given the choice between Edward’s mope-a-dope<br />

of my senses and wolf goofing teen charm through a bong haze, I’ll disagree<br />

with Dr. House — <strong>this</strong> time, it IS Lupus.<br />

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