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ABSURDITY, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion. ACADEME, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. ACADEMY, n. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught. ACCIDENT, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws. ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney’s position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting. ACCORD, n. Harmony. ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin. ACCOUNTABILITY, n. <strong>The</strong> mother of caution. “My accountability, bear in mind,” Said the Grand Vizier: “Yes, yes,” Said the Shah: “I do—’tis the only kind Of ability you possess.”
Joram Tate ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another’s guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him. ACEPHALOUS, adj. In the surprising condition of the Crusader who absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had, unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by de Joinville. ACHIEVEMENT, n. <strong>The</strong> death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t. To confess. Acknowledgement of one another’s faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth. ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous. ACTUALLY, adv. Perhaps; possibly. ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth. ADAMANT, n. A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in solicitate of gold. ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its
Page 1 and 2: The Devil’s Dictionary Ambrose Bi
Page 3 and 4: This text was converted to LaTeX by
Page 5 and 6: 11 J 179 12 K 183 13 L 189 14 M 211
Page 7 and 8: Chapter 1 AUTHOR’S PREFACE The De
Page 9 and 10: Chapter 2 A ABASEMENT, n. A decent
Page 11 and 12: peace, the prospect of death and th
Page 13 and 14: In the meadow of commentary. Mighty
Page 15: But heed the warning words the sage
Page 19 and 20: Than give him good advice.” Said
Page 21 and 22: ALLIANCE, n. In international polit
Page 23 and 24: Yields to some pathologic strain, A
Page 25 and 26: clean shirts—guilty of education
Page 27 and 28: ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascrib
Page 29 and 30: Chapter 3 B BAAL, n. An old deity f
Page 31 and 32: The lictors dare to run us in, And
Page 33 and 34: Forgetting that his lungs he’s so
Page 35 and 36: And tuck out the belly that clung t
Page 37 and 38: But to our modern married fair, Who
Page 39 and 40: Bettel K. Jhones BONDSMAN, n. A foo
Page 41 and 42: BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which w
Page 43 and 44: announced that several members of t
Page 45 and 46: And Death replied, Smiling long and
Page 47 and 48: G.J. CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to
Page 49 and 50: shows that pagan myths have somewha
Page 51 and 52: CIRCUS, n. A place where horses, po
Page 53 and 54: O Coenobite, O coenobite, Monastica
Page 55 and 56: Avenging the friend whom I couldn
Page 57 and 58: And taunt him to refute them; in hi
Page 59 and 60: perils already passed, so the wisdo
Page 61 and 62: Now where’s the need of speech an
Page 63 and 64: Chapter 5 D DAMN, v. A word formerl
Page 65 and 66: spite of them. The reason we find o
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For life insurance lower rates. Kil
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for evil, by the way, for if they h
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Please have the proper entries made
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So the Recording Angel, when Hearst
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than another. DISCUSSION, n. A meth
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ut does not appear to have obtained
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with the Pilgrims in the Mayflower
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A lady with one of her ears applied
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Silly old quilly old Monarch of Tho
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him was recently on exhibition, bea
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as a bunch of radishes, is doomed t
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EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying i
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ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that trea
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At thy command eschewing pleasure
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constables. Generally speaking, tho
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EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible
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ourgeois disappeared about the same
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That’s how court-plaster got its
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While rivers from their courses rol
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And the facts contradict him to his
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fancy of individuals reproduces the
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omnipercipient, omniscient, omnipot
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The immunity of these persons from
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To bind the chains about her feet A
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ing the bones of the slain frogs. O
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To bear to happy hunting-grounds th
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eaves of mediaeval buildings, commo
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made up of red worms and moles. The
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“heavy with eating” he would ha
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Ere, losing my temper, I wickedly s
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I’ll help to kill the scoffer. Th
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The monarch of the wood and plain!
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several years ago, a rogue imperfec
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men engaged in the work insisted by
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HANDKERCHIEF, n. A small square of
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Whose premises adjoin it, claims Pe
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But lest the people censure me Beca
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HEATHEN, n. A benighted creature wh
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Marley Wottel HEMP, n. A plant from
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the fowl is esteemed; the cage of h
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When even his dog deserts him, and
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Who began to lift his noddle. Feed
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HYPOCRITE, n. One who, profession v
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Fair Venus, speared by Diomed, Rest
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of fact
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IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever
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many ecclesiastical systems, but pe
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IMPUNITY, n. Wealth. INADMISSIBLE,
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His open palm, which plainly itched
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INCOME, n. The natural and rational
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INCUMBENT, n. A person of the livel
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priest of Aulis, was favored with a
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“’Twas Predestination,” cried
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He cannot bless you, for AI grieve
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ington monument. Following are exam
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actuary, it will probably be destro
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luckier ventures with other clients
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cause is the imminence, immediate o
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everybody else, which implies the r
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Chapter 11 J J is a consonant in En
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I love my fool—blaspheming clown,
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Chapter 12 K K is a consonant that
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KINDNESS, n. A brief preface to ten
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He layde his hand on mine and sayd:
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Chapter 13 L LABOR, n. One of the p
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epose of infancy, but chiefly usefu
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’Tis plain your have no standing
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LEONINE, adj. Unlike a menagerie li
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must grow by innovation if it grow
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when lost it is not missed. The que
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Then, checking himself, to his face
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human misunderstanding. The basic o
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glass be repaired and taken back to
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Each morning and varnished it all t
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Here Huntington’s ashes long have
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Chapter 14 M MACE, n. A staff of of
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And amiable and sunny. A brightness
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Which mortal sight has failed To pi
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diameters nothing would be any larg
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ulation, but found that it could no
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MANES, n. The immortal parts of dea
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Who slew the Egyptian. As sweet as
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MENDACIOUS, adj. Addicted to rhetor
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“Captains of industry” refused
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MONARCH, n. A person engaged in rei
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downe eyther way and act as it shal
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We plunder his tomb, be he sinner o
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political problem. Representing him
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For our ears if so be He blow that
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Chapter 16 O OATH, n. In law, a sol
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not happen to be a competent reader
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Upon Minerva’s temple walls, Wher
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“it is true these dogs of darknes
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light by the outmates of every asyl
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To poets all Nature is pregnant wit
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Chapter 17 P PAIN, n. An uncomforta
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gratifying to his pride of distinct
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O, what’s the loud uproar assaili
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Why, back there in Dreamland, renew
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So, in his own defence, denied our
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PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for
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absolute authority on condition tha
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Is portable improperly, I take it.
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of the precedent elevates the trial
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PRELATE, n. A church officer having
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Whom no elector e’er denied a vot
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credible witnesses as opposed to th
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Chapter 18 Q QUEEN, n. A woman by w
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Intent on making his quotation true
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worth. He held at court a rank so h
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short stories in “dialect” and
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RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of
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The Sultan said: “There’s evide
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cies of the Magic Temple; the Grand
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And then Ithuriel touched me With a
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what marred by the sad sincerity of
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“O cruel cook, pray grant me some
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To set with monarchses of thought,
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The qualities that you have first r
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RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show
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and to this end compulsion is a pro
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Borey the Bald ROBBER, n. A candid
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their hair all alike, but the fires
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Chapter 20 S SABBATH, n. A weekly f
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it Noah, etc. All things are either
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Which I wasn’t first intentioned
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SALACITY, n. A certain literary qua
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In the dead language of a mummy’s
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supposed to symbolize immortality,
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which the sovereign admonished his
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caitiff belong?” asked the Mikado
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scrap-books containing whatever the
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lic scrutiny. Either view of the ma
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of the narrative on a ship and sunk
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Was given to the cheerful flame. Wh
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The wheels go round without a sound
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possible to be a sorcerer without k
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school board, the Howells ghost add
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While the Admiral was digesting thi
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turning to his apartment one evenin
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which is somewhat limited. The woma
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What’s Satan done that him you sh
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Chapter 21 T T, the twentieth lette
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TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretio
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Against his competition; so There w
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considered a serviceable equipment
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“modesty.” The nature of that s
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Chapter 22 TO MY PET TORTOISE My fr
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Howe’er acceptably he carries tha
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TRIAL, n. A formal inquiry designed
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TRINITY, n. In the multiplex theism
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Chapter 23 U UBIQUITY, n. The gift
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to the Ulema of the Imperial Ear th
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The man’s mill had exploded. His
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They say that hens do cackle loudes
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Chapter 25 W W (double U) has, of a
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WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of
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With a record of unreason seldom pa
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As the fountain, the gug-guggle, Li
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WHITE, adj. and n. Black. WIDOW, n.
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WORMS’-MEAT, n. The finished prod
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Chapter 26 X X in our alphabet bein
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And unfamiliar foreslope to the Wes
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Chapter 28 Z ZANY, n. A popular cha
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in bed or a cabbage in the pot is n
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Chapter 29 End of Project Gutenberg
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PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIB
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terms of this agreement, you must c
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1.E.1. The following sentence, with
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Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.
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and discontinue all use of and all
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SEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL
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Chapter 31 Section 2. Information a
Page 413 and 414:
Page 415 and 416:
Page 417:
online payments and credit card don
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