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Death-blow. Pardon such behavior. BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues. BENEDICTINES, n. An order of monks otherwise known as black friars. She thought it a crow, but it turn out to be A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text. “Here’s one of an order of cooks,” said she— “Black friars in this world, fried black in the next.” “The Devil on Earth” (London, 1712) BENEFACTOR, n. One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude, without, however, materially affecting the price, which is still within the means of all. BERENICE’S HAIR, n. A constellation (Coma Berenices) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband. Her locks an ancient lady gave Her loving husband’s life to save; And men—they honored so the dame— Upon some stars bestowed her name.
But to our modern married fair, Who’d give their lords to save their hair, No stellar recognition’s given. There are not stars enough in heaven. G.J. BIGAMY, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy. BIGOT, n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. BILLINGSGATE, n. The invective of an opponent. BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Aetna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar. BLACKGUARD, n. A man whose qualities, prepared for display like a box of berries in a market—the fine ones on top—have been opened on the wrong side. An
Page 1 and 2: The Devil’s Dictionary Ambrose Bi
Page 3 and 4: This text was converted to LaTeX by
Page 5 and 6: 11 J 179 12 K 183 13 L 189 14 M 211
Page 7 and 8: Chapter 1 AUTHOR’S PREFACE The De
Page 9 and 10: Chapter 2 A ABASEMENT, n. A decent
Page 11 and 12: peace, the prospect of death and th
Page 13 and 14: In the meadow of commentary. Mighty
Page 15 and 16: But heed the warning words the sage
Page 17 and 18: Joram Tate ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm a
Page 19 and 20: Than give him good advice.” Said
Page 21 and 22: ALLIANCE, n. In international polit
Page 23 and 24: Yields to some pathologic strain, A
Page 25 and 26: clean shirts—guilty of education
Page 27 and 28: ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascrib
Page 29 and 30: Chapter 3 B BAAL, n. An old deity f
Page 31 and 32: The lictors dare to run us in, And
Page 33 and 34: Forgetting that his lungs he’s so
Page 35: And tuck out the belly that clung t
Page 39 and 40: Bettel K. Jhones BONDSMAN, n. A foo
Page 41 and 42: BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which w
Page 43 and 44: announced that several members of t
Page 45 and 46: And Death replied, Smiling long and
Page 47 and 48: G.J. CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to
Page 49 and 50: shows that pagan myths have somewha
Page 51 and 52: CIRCUS, n. A place where horses, po
Page 53 and 54: O Coenobite, O coenobite, Monastica
Page 55 and 56: Avenging the friend whom I couldn
Page 57 and 58: And taunt him to refute them; in hi
Page 59 and 60: perils already passed, so the wisdo
Page 61 and 62: Now where’s the need of speech an
Page 63 and 64: Chapter 5 D DAMN, v. A word formerl
Page 65 and 66: spite of them. The reason we find o
Page 67 and 68: For life insurance lower rates. Kil
Page 69 and 70: for evil, by the way, for if they h
Page 71 and 72: Please have the proper entries made
Page 73 and 74: So the Recording Angel, when Hearst
Page 75 and 76: than another. DISCUSSION, n. A meth
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Page 79 and 80: with the Pilgrims in the Mayflower
Page 81 and 82: A lady with one of her ears applied
Page 83 and 84: Silly old quilly old Monarch of Tho
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as a bunch of radishes, is doomed t
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EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying i
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ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that trea
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At thy command eschewing pleasure
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constables. Generally speaking, tho
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EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible
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ourgeois disappeared about the same
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That’s how court-plaster got its
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While rivers from their courses rol
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And the facts contradict him to his
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fancy of individuals reproduces the
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omnipercipient, omniscient, omnipot
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The immunity of these persons from
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To bind the chains about her feet A
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ing the bones of the slain frogs. O
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To bear to happy hunting-grounds th
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eaves of mediaeval buildings, commo
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made up of red worms and moles. The
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“heavy with eating” he would ha
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Ere, losing my temper, I wickedly s
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I’ll help to kill the scoffer. Th
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The monarch of the wood and plain!
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several years ago, a rogue imperfec
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men engaged in the work insisted by
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HANDKERCHIEF, n. A small square of
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Whose premises adjoin it, claims Pe
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But lest the people censure me Beca
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HEATHEN, n. A benighted creature wh
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Marley Wottel HEMP, n. A plant from
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the fowl is esteemed; the cage of h
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When even his dog deserts him, and
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Who began to lift his noddle. Feed
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HYPOCRITE, n. One who, profession v
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Fair Venus, speared by Diomed, Rest
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of fact
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IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever
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many ecclesiastical systems, but pe
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IMPUNITY, n. Wealth. INADMISSIBLE,
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His open palm, which plainly itched
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INCOME, n. The natural and rational
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INCUMBENT, n. A person of the livel
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priest of Aulis, was favored with a
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“’Twas Predestination,” cried
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He cannot bless you, for AI grieve
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ington monument. Following are exam
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actuary, it will probably be destro
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luckier ventures with other clients
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cause is the imminence, immediate o
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everybody else, which implies the r
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Chapter 11 J J is a consonant in En
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I love my fool—blaspheming clown,
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Chapter 12 K K is a consonant that
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KINDNESS, n. A brief preface to ten
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He layde his hand on mine and sayd:
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Chapter 13 L LABOR, n. One of the p
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epose of infancy, but chiefly usefu
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’Tis plain your have no standing
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LEONINE, adj. Unlike a menagerie li
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must grow by innovation if it grow
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when lost it is not missed. The que
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Then, checking himself, to his face
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human misunderstanding. The basic o
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glass be repaired and taken back to
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Each morning and varnished it all t
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Here Huntington’s ashes long have
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Chapter 14 M MACE, n. A staff of of
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And amiable and sunny. A brightness
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Which mortal sight has failed To pi
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diameters nothing would be any larg
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ulation, but found that it could no
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MANES, n. The immortal parts of dea
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Who slew the Egyptian. As sweet as
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MENDACIOUS, adj. Addicted to rhetor
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“Captains of industry” refused
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MONARCH, n. A person engaged in rei
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downe eyther way and act as it shal
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We plunder his tomb, be he sinner o
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political problem. Representing him
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For our ears if so be He blow that
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Chapter 16 O OATH, n. In law, a sol
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not happen to be a competent reader
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Upon Minerva’s temple walls, Wher
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“it is true these dogs of darknes
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light by the outmates of every asyl
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To poets all Nature is pregnant wit
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Chapter 17 P PAIN, n. An uncomforta
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gratifying to his pride of distinct
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O, what’s the loud uproar assaili
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Why, back there in Dreamland, renew
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So, in his own defence, denied our
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PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for
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absolute authority on condition tha
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Is portable improperly, I take it.
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of the precedent elevates the trial
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PRELATE, n. A church officer having
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Whom no elector e’er denied a vot
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credible witnesses as opposed to th
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Chapter 18 Q QUEEN, n. A woman by w
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Intent on making his quotation true
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worth. He held at court a rank so h
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short stories in “dialect” and
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RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of
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The Sultan said: “There’s evide
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cies of the Magic Temple; the Grand
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And then Ithuriel touched me With a
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what marred by the sad sincerity of
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“O cruel cook, pray grant me some
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To set with monarchses of thought,
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The qualities that you have first r
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RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show
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and to this end compulsion is a pro
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Borey the Bald ROBBER, n. A candid
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their hair all alike, but the fires
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Chapter 20 S SABBATH, n. A weekly f
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it Noah, etc. All things are either
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Which I wasn’t first intentioned
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SALACITY, n. A certain literary qua
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In the dead language of a mummy’s
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supposed to symbolize immortality,
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which the sovereign admonished his
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caitiff belong?” asked the Mikado
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scrap-books containing whatever the
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lic scrutiny. Either view of the ma
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of the narrative on a ship and sunk
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Was given to the cheerful flame. Wh
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The wheels go round without a sound
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possible to be a sorcerer without k
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school board, the Howells ghost add
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While the Admiral was digesting thi
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turning to his apartment one evenin
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which is somewhat limited. The woma
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What’s Satan done that him you sh
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Chapter 21 T T, the twentieth lette
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TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretio
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Against his competition; so There w
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considered a serviceable equipment
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“modesty.” The nature of that s
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Chapter 22 TO MY PET TORTOISE My fr
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Howe’er acceptably he carries tha
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TRIAL, n. A formal inquiry designed
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TRINITY, n. In the multiplex theism
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Chapter 23 U UBIQUITY, n. The gift
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to the Ulema of the Imperial Ear th
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The man’s mill had exploded. His
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They say that hens do cackle loudes
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Chapter 25 W W (double U) has, of a
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WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of
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With a record of unreason seldom pa
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As the fountain, the gug-guggle, Li
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WHITE, adj. and n. Black. WIDOW, n.
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WORMS’-MEAT, n. The finished prod
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Chapter 26 X X in our alphabet bein
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And unfamiliar foreslope to the Wes
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Chapter 28 Z ZANY, n. A popular cha
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in bed or a cabbage in the pot is n
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Chapter 29 End of Project Gutenberg
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PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIB
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terms of this agreement, you must c
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1.E.1. The following sentence, with
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Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.
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and discontinue all use of and all
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SEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL
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Chapter 31 Section 2. Information a
Page 413 and 414:
Page 415 and 416:
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online payments and credit card don
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