Stop Violence workbook 1 - Unesco

Literacy and Life Skills workbook 2
Communicating Limits to Your Child
Good communication includes communicating limits to your child. Children feel safe and
cared for when parents set limits for them. When they become adults, they set their own limits.
They are best able to do this when they learn how during their childhood.
You can set limits for your child while not abusing them in any way. For instance, it is natural
for children to want to stay up past bedtime or to want things they can’t have, but there are
limits to their endurance and to the number and kinds of possessions they can have. You as
the parent, should encourage them to realize this. For example.
I hear you. You want to stay up, but now it’s bedtime for five-year-olds.
I can see that you want to watch that on TV, but that’s not a children’s show. Let’s choose
something else
That’s not okay
When you’re screaming, I can’t hear you. Let me hear your words
Let’s talk about it.
No, I’m not buying any toys today.
I’d like you to have that too, but I don’t have the money for it.
When children verbally abuse, you may say
That kind of talk is not okay
I don’t want to hear that kind of talk from you
That’s enough of that
When they didn’t help, you may say
When you left dirty dishes on the kitchen counter, I was annoyed
When you didn’t help clean the garage yesterday, I was angry
Don’t exaggerate, and be careful of the words ‘always’ and ‘never’. For example, before saying
‘you always come late to our family meetings,’ think about whether that person really has
not been on time even once.
Please remember that this is not a judgment about the person. It describes how a person
felt when a particular event occurred.
Adapted from Schwebel, Robert (1998) Saying No is Not Enough, New York: Newmarket
Press and from Evans , Patricia (1996) The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Holbrook,
Massachusetts: Adams Media Corporation
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