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Feelings and relationships ‘You’ve got a bond between you. It’s something that belongs to both of you.’ ‘Sometimes it draws us together and sometimes it sets us apart. When we first found out about the baby, we were on edge. We snapped at each other a lot. Then it got better. We really wanted each other and we were really looking forward to the baby coming. It’s up and down.’ understandable reasons for the odd difficulty between you and also good reasons for feeling closer and more loving. One practical question you will need to discuss is how you will cope with labour and whether your partner will be there. Many fathers do want to be present at their baby’s birth. The chapter on Labour and birth (page 89) gives some suggestions on ways in which fathers can help and what it can mean to them to share this experience. S EX IN PREGNANCY Many people worry about whether it is safe to have sex during pregnancy. There is no physical reason why you shouldn’t continue to have sexual intercourse right through a normal pregnancy, if you wish. It doesn’t harm the baby because the penis cannot penetrate beyond the vagina. The muscles of the cervix and a plug of mucus, specially formed in pregnancy, seal off the womb completely. Later in pregnancy, an orgasm, or even sexual intercourse itself, can set off contractions (known as Braxton Hicks’ contractions, see page 90). You will feel the muscles of your womb go hard. There is no need for alarm as this is perfectly normal. If it feels uncomfortable, try your relaxation techniques or just lie quietly till the contractions pass. If you have had a previous miscarriage, ask your doctor or midwife for advice. Your doctor or midwife will probably advise you to avoid intercourse if you have had heavy bleeding in pregnancy, and you should definitely not have intercourse once the waters have broken (see page 90) since this risks infection in the baby. While sex is safe for most couples in pregnancy, it may not be all that easy. You will probably need to find different positions. This can be a time to explore and experiment together. The man on top can become very uncomfortable for the woman quite early in pregnancy, not just because of the baby, but because of tender breasts as well. It can also be uncomfortable if the man’s penis penetrates too deeply. So it may be better to lie on your sides, either facing or with the man behind. Many couples find that a position in which the woman is on top is most comfortable. Some couples find making love extra enjoyable during pregnancy while others simply feel that they don’t want to have intercourse and prefer to find other ways of being loving or of making love. It’s important to talk about your feelings with each other. 42
Feelings and relationships FAMILIES AND FRIENDS In some ways pregnancy is very private, just to do with you and your partner, but there may be a lot of people around you who are also interested and concerned about your baby – parents, sisters, brothers and friends. People can offer a great deal of help in all sorts of ways and you will probably be very glad of their interest and support. But sometimes it can feel as if you’re being taken over. If so, it can help everyone if you explain gently that there are some decisions that only you can take and some things that you prefer to do on your own. You may also find that being pregnant puts you on the receiving end of a lot of advice, and perhaps a bit of criticism too. Sometimes the advice is helpful, sometimes not. Sometimes the criticism can really hurt. The important thing is to decide what is right for you. After all, it is your pregnancy and your baby. ‘There’s the feeling that you’re being looked after. Not just by your husband and your parents and the hospital, but by your friends, by everybody. They’re there behind you. I suppose they’re wrapping me up in cotton wool, but it’s still a nice feeling.’ ‘My mother starts telling me, “You must have this for the baby, you must have that,” and trying to tell me what I should do. And bringing things like nappy pins and saying, “I didn’t think you’d remember to get them.” It’s irritating.’ ‘We seem to have got a lot closer. We often sit and talk and my mum remembers when I was tiny.’ ‘It’s no good listening to other people. They only tell you about what happened to them. They tell you the bad parts too, not the good.’ 43
Page 1 and 2: Pre the nancy gbook Your complete g
Page 3 and 4: Pre the nancy gbook Your complete g
Page 5 and 6: 11 LABOUR AND BIRTH Getting ready f
Page 7 and 8: Your pregnancy at a glance 16-20 we
Page 9 and 10: Introduction Every parent is differ
Page 11 and 12: Your health in pregnancy • Eat pl
Page 13 and 14: These are available from pharmacies
Page 15 and 16: Your health in pregnancy S MOKING W
Page 17 and 18: Your health in pregnancy P HYSICAL
Page 19 and 20: Your health in pregnancy Foot exerc
Page 21 and 22: Your health in pregnancy your GP, m
Page 23 and 24: 2 Conception To understand about co
Page 25 and 26: Conception T HE WOMAN’ S MONTHLY
Page 27 and 28: Conception T HE BEST TIME TO GET PR
Page 29 and 30: Conception K NOWING THAT YOU’ RE
Page 31 and 32: How the baby develops WEEKS 4-5 Wee
Page 33 and 34: How the baby develops WEEKS 15-22 T
Page 35 and 36: 4 Deciding where to have your baby
Page 37 and 38: Deciding where to have your baby HO
Page 39 and 40: Deciding where to have your baby B
Page 41 and 42: 5 Feelings and relationships From t
Page 43: Feelings and relationships WORRYING
Page 47 and 48: Feelings and relationships C OPING
Page 49 and 50: 6 Mainly for men Some pregnancies h
Page 51 and 52: Mainly for men PRACTICAL SUPPORT Yo
Page 53 and 54: 7 Antenatal care and antenatal clas
Page 55 and 56: Antenatal care and antenatal classe
Page 69 and 70: The feeding question B REASTFEEDING
Page 71 and 72: The feeding question You can get he
Page 73 and 74: The feeding question HOW OFTEN AND
Page 75 and 76: The feeding question B OTTLE FEEDIN
Page 77 and 78: The feeding question The teat As yo
Page 79 and 80: 9 Problems Your body has a great de
Page 81 and 82: Problems FEELING HOT IN PREGNANCY D
Page 83 and 84: Problems can empty it properly. The
Page 85 and 86: Problems VAGINAL DISCHARGE Almost a
Page 87 and 88: 10 What you need for the baby This
Page 89 and 90: What you need for the baby O UT AND
Page 91 and 92: 11 Labour and birth This chapter de
Page 93 and 94: Labour and birth PAIN RELIEF IN LAB
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Labour and birth • your contracti
Page 97 and 98:
Labour and birth AT THE HOSPITAL Go
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Labour and birth • The heartbeat
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Labour and birth You can have your
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Labour and birth treatment takes ab
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Labour and birth A vaginal breech d
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When pregnancy goes wrong been due.
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13 The first days with your new bab
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The first days with your new baby c
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The first days with your new baby i
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Babies who need special care I NCUB
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The early weeks: you L OOKING AFTER
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The early weeks: you T HE ‘ BABY
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16 The early weeks: your baby The b
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The early weeks: your baby Sadly, w
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The early weeks: your baby If you
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The early weeks: your baby WASHING
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The early weeks: your baby W HERE T
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Thinking about the next baby? conta
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Rights and benefits How much is it?
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Tax Benefit. You may be able to get
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Rights and benefits You must have n
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Rights and benefits How much is it?
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Rights and benefits For further inf
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Giving notice for Ordinary Maternit
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Rights and benefits OTHER EMPLOYMEN
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• explain how you think the new w
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USEFUL ORGANISATIONS Some of these
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Rape Crisis Federation Aylesbury Va
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INDEX A abnormalities tests to dete
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The Pregnancy Book “It contains e
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