The Outpost Vol 1 - The Royal Highland Fusiliers

102 THE OUTPOST.
Press Features.
HAVE you ever noticed that the various
journals that obtrude themselves on our
peaceful lives have all, what might be called,
their notable feature. In looking over such
notable features of our more prominent
weeklies I have come to the conclusIOn that if
we are to judge the Press of to-day by such
articles-well, God save the King!
Let us look at some of these examples, and
take first of all that journal of the Home which
you so surreptitiously produce in a crowded
railway compartment and back with an Hvening
News to hide the title-" THE LONDON
NAIL"
THINGS WE WANT TO KNOW.
If it be the case that a certain young lady of
fair hair and five guinea hose, in making her
exit from a certain notorious gambling house in
Tarbolton, collided with 2 III which a famous
Marquis-who, by the way, keeps pigeonswas
carrying in his trouser pocket, and if the
noble Lord threatened to inform recalcitrant's
ma-a lady weH-known in Belgravia for taking
her meals out of a mess-tin-and if he was not
forthwith presenterl with a bss; and if it is
spotted fever or concussion of the brain that is
causing his medical adviser so much anxiety
just now?
What a certain pretty little housemaid of
twenty-one summers could tell us in connection
with a recent Brigade injunction, issued to
certain battalions of our new Army, prohibiting,
nnder sentence of death, the waving to lady
friends in the street or at windows while the
men are marching at ease. And if it is quite
fair for the distingu'shed officer to get his own
back in th's manner.
And now let us turn to that philanthropic
institution known as "AN(D)SWE(A)RS,"
which offers prizes amounting to £1,500 in
certain competitions, receiving as entry money
any paltry sum around {25,000. The strong
feature here seems to be :
DO YOU KNOW THAT
If the nails in the boots of all the men fighting
on the Continent of Europe just now were
placed side by side they would extend from
Petrograd to Vladivostock (touching Prznzph
en route), across the floor of the Pacific, through
the Panama Canal and fourteen feet bevonda
matter of approximately 40,876,237 yards.
That if all the serviceable rWes supplied to
the 17th (Barnardoes) Battn. H.L.I. were
placed muzzle to butt they would extend from
the entrance to the Unionist Rooms, Troon, to a
poin t 7 feet 6 inches beyond that place.
And now let us have a change and take up
that stirring exhibition of powerful, penetrating
journahsm-" THE PEOPLE'S SPEND," and
take as its feature the "Home Hints" by
Eleanor.
SOMETHING FOR TOMMY.
Procure from your grocer a good ham bone.
Allow the dog to spend a P.S.A. with it, then
boil in a mixture of any odd thing lying about.
Take out and enclose in a paste of the following
ingredients :­
! lb. mustard (ohta.inahle from any billet
in Troon).
2. oz. Cream of Tartar (this may be got from
Sergt.-Major KeUy, Sergeants' 2Vtess,
Troon).
2 ~ Breakfastcupsfull of Self-Raising Flour
(which can be easily obtained from any
RC.O. in Kitchener's Army).
The whole should be allowed to cook in a
moderate oven for IO days or so, after which it
should be " pulled through" and forwarded to
one of our dear Tommies. It will be greatly
appreciated, if not as a delicacy, then as a
Hand Grenade.
It is my intention to put forward only one
other exampie and that is the "SUNDAY
WEEKLY MALE" (which comes up to see the
daughter then). Undoubtedly the feature here
is the illuminating, lucid and specially contributed
articles on the war by " Ally Sloper."
THE GREAT WAR.
The fall of Pourri-les-porrige has resulted, as
anticipated in my notes of last week, in its
occupation by the Allies. The booty taken is
considerable, and, I hear, is likely to include
men and material. It is possible a machinegun,
or even guns, may also be included because.
as I hinted here in the early days of the war, it
is customary for the infantry regiments to carry
such guns.
On the Russian front the tenth Army continues
to make progress. more particularly on
the now famIliar line-Rookinglenn-Prz,
]amnsundamn. Their idea, I take it, is to
drive back the German forces opposed to them,
and in this they should be successful, always
providing. of course, they are superior in
artillery and men and munitions. On ·the
southe~ front Von Bleeryi has managed to
divert attention to the Bukowina and as a
result the Russians are looking in that direction.
In the Dardanelles nothing of im.portance
has occurred in the past week, and it is not
likely that the bombardment will be resumed
until the Council of Admirals, which, I hear
from an unusually reliable source. has been