keeping women connected - HERLIFE Magazine

family. It now includes friends, coaches, teachers, other parents
and perhaps an annoying celebrity or two. This extension of social
relationships, while sometimes frightening to a parent, is a normal
and healthy stage of a child’s development. While you will have to
relinquish some of the influence you once had over your child, you
still remain an integral part of his life, and can help him navigate
this stage of development by keeping the lines of communication
Show him that you’re interested
in what’s going on in his life
by talking about school,
about his teachers, about his
worries, hopes and dreams.
open. Show him that you’re interested in what’s going on in his life
by talking about school, about his teachers, about his worries, hopes
and dreams. And as always, keep fostering age-appropriate ways for
him to become more independent; for example, now you might
occasionally charge your child with planning a menu and making
dinner for the family, allow him to choose paint colors and décor
for his room (see previous comment about turning a blind eye to
aesthetic choices) or, if he receives an allowance, give him sole discretion
as to how to spend a specific percentage of his money. Above
all, continue to work together as a family, to give him a solid base of
support as his world expands.
Teens (13-17)
Get Ready to Compromise
By fostering a sense of independence in your child early on,
you can help alleviate some of the rebellion that can occur during
the teen years. And once your child becomes a teen, allowing her to
express her individuality in appropriate ways can make her less likely
to revolt. Of course you’ll still need to keep boundaries in place,
but be ready to compromise on certain issues, such as personal
style (which may require a new mantra for you: “It’s only hair… it’s
only hair…”), rules and responsibilities. Though you should resist
the urge to think of your child as the adorable toddler you once
cuddled, a good many of the toddler principles come into play here:
resisting the urge to “rescue” your teen when she’s trying to make a
tough decision or dealing with the consequences of a choice she’s
made can continue the effort you began long ago to encourage her
independence—and make her better equipped for the “real” world
that looms in her immediate future. ■
Sources for this article can be found: askdrsears.com,
simplemom.net, teachersandfamilies.com, greatschools.org,
parentline.org, cyh.com, noomii.com and nytimes.com.
HERLIFEnewyork.com 33