class 7 - Pearson

MY FAILED OMELETTES AND
OTHER DISASTERS
CLASS 7
COMPREHENSION PASSAGE 2
NAME ______________________________________
DATE _________________
And her favourite maxim, with which she reprimanded me
whenever I showed signs of gluttony: ‘Don’t let your tongue
cut your throat,’
And as for making porridge, it’s certainly no simple matter. I
made one or two attempts, but it always comes out lumpy.
“What’s this?” asked Gautam suspiciously, when I offered
him some.
“Porridge!’ I said enthusiastically, “It’s eaten by those brave
Scottish Highlanders who were always fighting the English!”
“And did they win?” he asked.
“Well—er—not usually. But they were outnumbered!”
He looked doubtfully at the porridge. “Some other time,” he said.
So why not take the advice of Thoreau and try to simplify life! Simplify! Simplify! Or simply
sandwiches...
These shouldn’t be too difficult, I decided. After all, they are basically bread and butter.
But have you tried cutting bread into thin slices? Don’t. It’s highly dangerous. If you’re a
pianist, you could be putting your career at great risk.
You must get your bread ready-sliced. Butter it generously. Now add your fillings.
Cheese, tomato, lettuce, cucumber, whatever. Gosh, I was really going places! Slap another
slice of buttered bread over this assemblage. Now cut in two. Result: Everything spills out
at the sides and on to the table-cloth.
“Now look what you’ve gone and done,” says Gautam, in his best Oliver Hardy manner.
“Never mind,” I tell him, “practice makes perfect!”
And one of these days, you’re going to find Bond’s Book of Better Sandwiches up there on the
bestseller lists.
A. Now that you have read the chapter, talk about the humour in it.
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