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26 <strong>The</strong> <strong>Founder</strong> | Wednesday 23 February 2011<br />
Features<br />
Handling<br />
Homesickness<br />
Felicty King<br />
When I was growing up, the idea of<br />
going to university always seemed<br />
so far away. It was this huge grown<br />
up thing that tall clever people did,<br />
and it was nothing with which to<br />
concern my naïve, Disneyed little<br />
mind. It came as quite a shock to<br />
me, therefore, when all of a sudden<br />
I found myself here at Royal<br />
Holloway. All of a sudden, I found<br />
myself saying, when people asked<br />
what I was doing with my life, that I<br />
was at university, and that’s when it<br />
really hit me. I’m at university. I am<br />
officially THAT old.<br />
Now, I always assumed that by<br />
the time I got to university, I would<br />
have grown out of my weird fears<br />
and habits. I would have become a<br />
sophisticated and civilised woman<br />
who would handle university easily,<br />
and who would not lock herself<br />
out six times in two weeks, forget<br />
to return library books, or miss<br />
home. <strong>The</strong> problem is, I am not this<br />
sophisticated and civilised woman.<br />
I’m the same person I’ve always<br />
been – we all are. We all are the<br />
same nervous six-year olds who<br />
don’t like getting on the see-saw<br />
with our elder brothers because<br />
they always bounce us off. We’re<br />
all still scared. It’s just that we’re<br />
getting to the tragic stage where it<br />
becomes unacceptable to admit it.<br />
Well, I don’t care, I’ll admit it. I’m<br />
terrified, and I have no idea what<br />
I’m doing with my life, and I miss<br />
home.<br />
<strong>The</strong> bane and the beauty of life<br />
is that it doesn’t bother waiting<br />
for you. You can have a bad day,<br />
or a sleepy day, or a sick day, but<br />
you can’t ring up a helpline and<br />
claim the next 24 hours back again<br />
to enjoy properly. <strong>The</strong>y’re gone.<br />
It’s over. It’s like going for a really<br />
satisfying walk – you’re daydreaming<br />
away in the sunshine when<br />
suddenly you check your watch and<br />
realise it’s half four in the afternoon<br />
and the whole day’s gone. Life’s<br />
mean like that – there I was playing<br />
with dolls and watching <strong>The</strong> Wild<br />
Thornberrys when all of a sudden<br />
I found myself buying tea towels<br />
and unique-looking mugs so ‘the<br />
other people in my flat at university<br />
wouldn’t mistake them for their<br />
own mugs’. Excellent advice, there,<br />
Mum, but when the hell did I start<br />
going to university? I swear I’m still<br />
13 at heart.<br />
Like any 13-year old, I still miss<br />
home. A lot of us do, and even<br />
more of us do but just don’t admit<br />
it. It is perfectly natural to miss<br />
home, however, and nothing to be<br />
ashamed of. On the contrary, it’s<br />
a good sign – it means you have<br />
a home that is lovely and happy<br />
enough for you to miss, and like<br />
everything, homesickness will pass.<br />
We are incredibly lucky – we have<br />
phones, Skype, email, Facebook and<br />
a billion and one other ways to keep<br />
in contact with the people we love.<br />
If you think you’ve got it bad, take<br />
a trip back to medieval times when<br />
the only forms of communication<br />
were carrier pigeons and grunting.<br />
‘<br />
<strong>The</strong> problem is, I am<br />
not this sophisticated<br />
and civilised woman.<br />
I’m the same person<br />
I’ve always been ’–<br />
we all are.<br />
Even in the last hundred years,<br />
letters were the only way of keeping<br />
in touch, and yet people survived.<br />
Take every opportunity you can<br />
to talk to the people you love, but<br />
don’t worry if you haven’t got time<br />
to do it as much as you feel you<br />
should. <strong>The</strong> amount you do it is not<br />
a reflection on how much you love<br />
the people you’ve left behind, only<br />
on how well you are able to cope<br />
on your own. Don’t feel bad if you<br />
can only call your parents once a<br />
week, but similarly don’t feel bad<br />
if you call them every day. <strong>The</strong>y’re<br />
your parents – if you can’t obsessively<br />
harass them without getting<br />
arrested, then who can you?<br />
Being at university is brilliant,<br />
but I think a lot of us can feel like<br />
it’s crept up on us unseen, and that<br />
we’ve found ourselves here without<br />
any previous experience of living on<br />
our own. Keeping in touch with the<br />
people at home is an important part<br />
of learning to grow up. We all have<br />
those nights when we want nothing<br />
more than to be in our own beds,<br />
or the days when we just want to sit<br />
around in our living room and piss<br />
off everybody else in the family by<br />
watching ‘Friends’ episodes backto-back<br />
(because nobody else in my<br />
family likes ‘Friends’ – a random<br />
but truly shocking bit of domestic<br />
information about my famille for<br />
you there). <strong>The</strong> important thing to<br />
remember is that although we have<br />
found ourselves alone at university<br />
for the first time, we are all<br />
alone, so if we’re all alone together,<br />
we’re not really alone at all. And<br />
by now, if you’re all as lucky as<br />
me, you’ll have found some truly<br />
wonderful and crazy individuals<br />
who become another kind of family<br />
for you – and this one, I am pleased<br />
to say, appreciates ‘Friends’ as much<br />
as I do.