Articles Book III - Pg 300-560 (Birthparents) - triadoption

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The Doston Globe Monday, Scptcmbcr 28, In17 

17 I 

Vo way for her to guarantee birth of a daughter : 

Ucnr I'll Never llrve A Llllle Qlrl were boy#, woltld be wrong. I wnntcd I'd llkc lo lecl na romc 01 you 

- I know exactly how you fccll I hnd bath boys, no matlcr whit. Chnllerr do (rcmcmbcring your lellcrr : 

.wo sons and love them dearly. They ~h~~ were chosen and rmcptcd. to me about your ndoptlvc chlldrrn) 

rre renrltlve, allrc~lonntc snd a Joy. please un~crr~nnd lhal, I ncvcr that no matlcr where they grew, they're 

nolt at the time. They ale real boy11 exchange clthcr 01 them (If porriblc) '1111 yours. 1 . 

lor a daughter. 

But how badly I wantcd a daughter. 

Yrs, I'm her molhcr and the's my' , 

\Itcr the blrth of our second ran. I had They nrc prrc~our prdplr. nut. ho* I dnuglltcr, but all11 "!'I1 nevcr have a Ill. 

o dcclde rcrlourly aboul a third prcg. wlsh and how often I cry (as I did when girl." clthtr* b . 

.. 

~ancy. -1 read Your letter to my husband1 for I rcnllrc that of you arc 

that daughter I'll ncver have. 

to be angry about thla letlcr, but I fee1 

I dldn't want a third ton. 

There Is nothlng I won'l do lor my that I ahould bc true to my lcellngr 

we even corllldere,j 

the adopted daughter, but I know nr much cvcn If thcy are dlflercnt than other 

mclh~l~ lor ;hoolng 

as she grows in my heart. she never pmple'r. 

lut gave up the Idea bccaurt we 

8reWftom"ed wllhlnmc. Dnlaj Sunrhlne. 

houghl we mlght bq lamperlng wlth 

~rturp.' 

Flna!ly, 1 wrote my llrrtletlcr to the 

:hat and adoption, whlch we had con. 

ldetcd even bclon we were mnrrled, 

umcd the only way to gel the ilttle 

:Irl I wanted so badly. 

Our daughter came lo us lrom Korea 

wo years ago. We love her and arc so 

mud 01 her and her accompllahmcnts. 

love lo make thbrc frllly littlc glrl 

~ulflla that I urcd to para up when acwnl 

lor the boyr. 

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DEAR AliliS: I brl an 

Dut you know whrll Although. I 

eel my tamlty has roundcd 011 by havn# 

rn dauahler and It feels complete, I 

IIII feel jcalour when olherr dellvcr 

,&by glrlr. 

My herrt Ir roddcned when lrlendr 

we new daughters, cspeclally whcn 

hey were "mlrtakc" prcgnanclcr, or 

hey really dldn't care what lhcy had. 

Somctlmcs, I lee1 I war punlrhcd 

nd that my one real drcam in lilc war 

lot and never wlll be granted. 

Sure, 1 could have another baby nnd 

nother, but I stlll need to carc lor and 

avc all of thcm cvcn If thcy wcrc not 

he chosen sen. 

Emotionally, I can't do that now. 

md the rcaton for thelr blrthr, II they 

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I LO& is waiting . . , 

he tole thcf hnrr for US - 

Bclr hbbfilca~ pnrcnls. And 

I 

( Ulrlr sdrpllva pnrrnls. 

' hlY chlldrrn have plrm n~e 

he prcalcsl rlrnsurc of my llle. 

Of mursc uc hnvc hnd our pre 

l~cnr At &arc. - 1 Jusl rend YOU^ lrltrr 111 VCr)' 

blcma. aU ian~lllcs do, bu~ the 

love lor olhor 

Spcrinl Penplc and wnrllrd in say lhilnk Ynll fnr : outrclEhr pro,,~clns, and 

making the rl~ht ilrrlslon in glvlng up y"lir lm!~).. 

MU lost forrrrr. 

MY llushand nlrd I HIP wnltlnl( lh Ills ra1ll.d lor EverY chUd lorcs more lhan 

adnp\lon now and arr rnxlnusly nwnltln~ il>r,dny Just hk parrnls. lhrrs nrc 

witcn wr can havp n child lo Invp. grandnarcnls. frlcndy. crcn. 

IU~UY a male, and lhcn cl~lldrcn 

Tllrrc arc Ant lhnt m~nY ~lrln rvllllJ%' In givr of Ulrlr oaf, i.kPm j,.,:, ,,MI 

I 

tl~pir balrlrs lor nilopllorr and It rnnk~. It t~nlrlrr for )ore. \~h~,, 11 d,C,tI.~ 

1 IOSF OI UI who would glvc UP nn~tlllllR for n ~lllld , mcnn lhcm'r lrrs larc for so. 

you rnn br allrr tllnt your bnhy girl 15 ~nurt~ luvrtl rnmnc ellc: It only lnclcnsra 

and vrry wentrd UII~I mnkln~ a ruuplo so 11u~PY. 

our c#pacltY lo lnrc, And If 

evcr my chllllrrn cntna lo know 

I hoacrtty facl I~PI ~~~t~lcllrrrr nn n~lc~f~le~l rhlld and lore arlt nnlttrnl pnrrnls, 

rrrctv~s Ilrcatcr lovt. and more un~lcrnti~~~dli~~ Illan ' It Mill show tlrrl tlrcy prcrr ap 

hlnlllglcal chlld 1,rrnunc Ill" ndnpllvr pnrcrrlr llnvr Ill an aImcs?herc ehere lore 

H.n\lcrl so long nllcl #r; th,~rougI~ly mnvlnrrd lhry no! mrn~.RInc thnt hnd lo 

will n~nkc wortdrrlul pnrrnln. 

bc held IlYlllr ond cxcl~tsircly. 

lor Icsr [ha( It %rould he loll. 

I hnvr h~rn tlrrnuplr all tho l~~rlllll~ lrul.8 and 

rOr my ch,ldrcn lo 

major rnJrRrry in tbr II~JI~~ ol l(ettlnR prrRllnllt and &fir hiololrnl parrltlr 1, no 

a1111 nnlhln~ Itan hnpprnrd. 

mom lhrrall.nlng lo n~e lhan 

in ndovltl. ptorsltrr aelr starch for n nlnlc. 

~ , laken ~ ~ olllrs n nnd WP nrc lnr~kln~ 10 the fulllr* 1 Dcrd no tnorn "lhnnk ).OI" 

with nnllrlp~tio~~ nld Inner happlnenn lhal wltl~ln I r lust ha.inl: been nlloacd 

I. 

IPW yrnrr WE wIII 1). *'Ihrcr." lhe ~rltflcc. of ralslna Ihcni, 

and sharing lhclr Joys on11 sore 

wr IIRVP rv~rytllill~ III nlfrr a 1~11Il~i. n III'I~IIII~uI ~OH,. 

I,,,~,,,. ;,II,I an VX~~~IICIII 111rntnr nrttl n~nny WI)II~I~II~~ A GRhrt:rl'f, S~OTI~E~~ 

i,lrli

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Adoptive parents fear search - 

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EDITOR'S NOTE: \\'hen an atloplcd chlld 

decldes lo scek 111s or her ttnlurnl pnrcnls, lllrrc 

1s an uncertainty ns to what the rcnclion will he 'A mother, to me, is the 

pnrenls. 

when n womnn seeks the thlld mother ~110 takes responsi- 

. , 

..... . .nut lherc Is llltlc rTnu~rt whnt eflcct lhc bilify, ~110 would figltt to 

... nppenrance of n nnlllrnl nlotller wottld hnve 

. !, on the parcnlswho ntlnplcd lhnl CIIII~. keep her child, and sure 

wouldn't* siue it a(uay4' 

,:. I -bolll lor llle child and lor the nnlt~rnl 

1 ! The snmc is lrt~c 

I. she surrendcrcd lor ntlo llon. 

:. . Todny, In the Ioarlh pnrl ol n scries, FOCIIS 1 

. .. reporter Norma noth rccotmta (11e rcncllons 

.,.. 

..,,! of a call lc wllh an ndopte~l child lo IIlc 

... - An ndoptlvc nlolhcr 

.. . I~OIIRIII 

tgsl a nnlarol mothcr mlght eotnc 

. . .,. ..,, 

. looklag lor their chlld. . 

, me! The guy sold, 'Jusl n rnin~llc.' on11 wbcn hc mer 

-. . . b b m bock on Ibc phone, llc sold. 'llnw would yo11 Ilks lo hr 

Ihc molhcr ol n baby plrl?' " 

' ' The adOpllng Parcnls makc llllrd sldc 01 Ih' 'lWe pol her a1 Do'clockil~e ncxl nrorning," shc snlll 

I ado lion triangle. "The ntlnule they walk In ll~c raorn ~ vill~ lhnl baby 

hLrk Susan not llleir lhcrc's ~~olhing clsc that mnllrrs:' snlll ,!lark. 

arc such pnrenls. They hn1.e two sot~nl: cbildrcn. On) ~l~~ ndoplil pnrcn(s sclcc( lloby.s ,(I. 

of lLcm Is adopled. In join ntly croul nflcr slx nlonl k 13, 

would work lo Insure kccplng adapllul 

lhc birth tcrlilirnlc is cl~nngcd wllll 

lhc cl~lld's new nnnlc and lhc nnrnc 01 llrc adoplilrg 

records sealed. 

porcnts In lhc plncc of ihc nnlernl pnrrnls. 

"Wc have very slrong fccllngs agnlnst it." Susal wny, 1tss our cllild... suSns 

snld. 

. .. . . . "The way I looked nl I!. If $ou'rc gclllrrg n ncwbnrtr. 

. .. 

ray lo ourdaughlc lhc only ivny Ore child's molhcr is n ~noll~cr is la Il,r 

. :.; , look lor hcr nnlurnl molhcr wo~rl~l he If sllc hnl term gmo(hcr. 11'~ tlscrl I, our soelrlg. Cal.c. 

,, . , . somclhln physlcnlly tvrong with her lhnl tvns l~crcdl blrlll lo [he bally,- hlPrk mill. 

. . lory or I!I bccnn~c such n menlnl erirls I11cre wns nl susnn ,ddcl, ,.A lllolllcr, is nrn(hrr lvh,, 

allctnnllve." she snld. 

.. .. lnkrs rcspnnslltlllly. who \vnuld liehl In kcrl~ hrr chil~l. 

.. "Il the day cnmc when (hat hccamc nn lss~tc I ,d ,,,., 61vc ll a\vay, .rllcrc.s ,var. Al! 

wodd lcar me apnrt inside, bul I would go nlong nnd 

wotl~l~ ,,,, mc, 

would haw I was strong cnollgh not (0 show her llov "T)lrrc nrc grcfil spntls lltnc \vllrll ~0 

, . much I hurl." 

lor!ct sl1e.s 

adoplcd. A1 one ll~nc. 1 ttr~rldn'l use Iltc yrtrrl. btrl on,. 

Both Lundslroms vehcrnenlly opp~scd opcnlnl dny I sold. ,WE 11avc 10 tell her; SO \,I. rat l~cr cloun 111: 

ado tion records. 

thc snln anti lctld hcr. llcr ln~ntr~lI;~lc rcspotlre tva% 

"FL's like p~aylng ~arncs wllh lhc haby." Susn~~ sald -con 1 go bock otlll ,vnlrll T", no,v?. - 

' " ' "I cnn't i~nnglnc a yoclng co~rple n.110 cnn'l I18t.c 5lnrk said, w~llc did .,vho tnolller!* I 

thlldrcn who dcspcralrly wnnl them, who wnll nnr 

. . snid, + Y loakilg ~ llcr,, ~ - ~ ~ ~ 

wnll and pay lllc unwdly nnloltlll of lllonrv I( custs what 11 na(llral lllothcr cnlled and ~drtll~firl: 

, who nnswcr n thousnnd qucslions, rind slll~ never 111 

.. . hcrscl,? 

ccrlaln Ole child lhcy adopl will rcally ltc ll~cre. 

. . . 

"I'd slnrl irrnrbllng all over nnll 1'11 hnpe I'd civ~r 

As hrrnlnc hlcCurdy rccnllcd lhc jrjln of givin~ 111 

nrny lnVc lllnl shc.cl slill rl;,!. lvllh 1.d I:.: 

I " Susan i*ua'lstrom rccallcd Win no llrc wol~rnn. 'Tlrcre's 1111 way lhnl cl~il~l 1vo1111l rvcr 11, 

bclng able to hnve n Irnl>g. 

.' . "You go lhrosg11 lhc yrors whrn ynll try lo irnve n yollrs llPr.l ..sllsall dcspllc salll, the fnct Ihal you gave lrlrlh 1, 

baby. You gu lo ll~c doelnr cvrr? rnnrllh. YOU hart 

lcsls nnd keep lcln~=rnlllrc cllnrls ?lid hnvc smlr rerorlls 

~llllollgll 

n,,cncll 

( I pr,lpe~(ng 

,llrv 

~ 

(in 

~ 

llnl 

lo ~ II~VC ~ 

illlrr,crr 

(lIc ndolllll~.. 

,I. 

lubes blown, otllY lo flc told You ulll I1cvcr Ilnvc 

cllildrcll lllldcr 18, hlnrk .mlli, -jllsl ll~rnurc lllry.! 

rhlldrcn. 

8 

18. IIOLV' many are crnnlloaolly tnnlurc cr.ough I 

"hlaybc gnu llnd ool whnl's wron nnd nrn!hr ?or ~lnnl~lc 

s,ICI~I~I! ilkc 11131?~ 

dnn'l. YOU want lnR~vcyoer ~les~,anrFr~rildrcn~'~~n~~~t 0 ~ llavr 1 ~l,u ~ ,lllrrll ~ eolc rvllll lol~a)., ~llr.\.dall 

.. Ihc prohlcm is wllll lllc Illlsbond. but lllcn wc'r~ told 11 nrcll lo llnvc lilnl nllllrl~ hrlrdcn rill 

wc rvut~t klds wc rill here lo n~lo~tt. 

Illel, lllill,~s. 

t~linlllc Il~c). k1111w ll~cy'rc 18. and I;IIII~ lhc lruuks ill 

"Ever J I ~ Y kllu\vs YOU CPII'I have chlldrt-n. II'~ nllrn lllry.rc 

hen~lllnl!&." shc snid. 

ri,,,, 

"Es~trcinlly 111 l~otncs whcrc Ihrre hnan'l bccn 3. 

011rc n couplc ~lccidcs lo ndnpl a bnby lhrrc arc IIIC 

qllcsllons by lflc ilgcllrs, (Ilc inlrrricws rind -tvnrs1111 r lcil ~l,lrll,loll,~. 

llrr ~ltls~tnll,~ ,,,lIll,~, cshlayl,Q lly l~ltlc ttl,.y.,r; 

. . all - lhc !vnIlinj!. 

"\Ye wnilrd 11; ~tr~~nllla lor a child.': 

liruy'rr n ~al~~ri~ ~III)IICII lo ir;~n~l!c 11. ily Ilrcn. ll~rg'!, 

S U S said. ~ rcn,.~ll~li 

1111, nllti ~llvcl~ in l~~~lrrl,ll~ ,vilys, 

"Y~II rouldt~'l b~~llrvc thc c~~~oll~ianl nposy ?nit $11 

..Unlll chilli rllnrrlrd; ilc.s k,lo,Vn ntlc 

III~OIICII. wailln~. You \rail cvcry day, nnd r,vrly tlily "1 , 

lhc cclae gels n lillle closer. 

"I'd cnll lhr nccncy crcry wrck on11 ~ clllc l salnr 

nttsrvcr. noon I collcd Thcrc an11 IV;IS 

snld. no 'Yna'vc balry lur latl nlc. In l'llr~~ 

hnvc crlrr nllrr. 

11 I~nby lor TIIIII1Sl)AY IN FOCUS: Tllr nfic~tcics. 

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fil18 lo have kl,l,f;. s ~ ~ , ~ ~ 

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I;!N,iFm E,#r 

Long cloaked In #hame and secmcy, lntsrtllity has . 

been otllclsily recognized by tho medlcal 

community w a dbeam ... a dleesse ,that affects 

one In evey 85 kupler of chllbbearlng ego.. -. 

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m l -lha*(u( dlnm m; 

ludpmnro(mngl)'OM 

1 Shomhvuh 

Hw around nda p-% 

I 9uaH lhsr dm. .No 1. 

c 

t 

Rnoln, wrha a 'mom 

than my olhr dl-, b 

dedlcnlsd lo dllp*llnp th. 

myths aunwndlng lmokrr 

(W chndlaunaa 

- Therm la lndwd much 

mlaundaralmndlnp of th. 

v o M , a m unmg ampha 

~.plrsnk.UwFm*ly

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llavlng filled all back chlld wllh those dllllcultles. Llam Boynlon: 

requests, they declared "Baby That leaves forelgn adopllons. "Larry and I lead very aonay" 

on Oct. 4, 1877. Adop- Well, Larry was In Vletnam tlvo llves, we are dllferent 

llon egenclas across the state and havlng an Orlenlal chlld people wlth different lobs, and 

were nollfled that new names would dlg up a whole wrles of somellmes we don't get to 

would be taken on that day for. memorlse. A black chlld mlghl really be together all weok un- 

Infants. The Adoption Place- be all rght If you tratd only In tlt Frlday nlght, and If we want 

men1 Unlt had projected, academic, hlghly enllghterwd we cart stay up all nlght end 

based on the supply 01 whlte circles, but I don't thlnk I lelk and laugh, and some- 

Infants (black Infants are all wuld handle It If a kld of mlne tlmes I thlnk the quallly, the '' 

qulckly adopted) that there came home lrom school one depth, the lntlmacy of our love 

would be abwt 37 bables day and said. 'Mommy, some fllls up somewhat lor thn lack 

avallable for 1076 adopllon. body called me a nlggar! I of children. Nothlng wakes Us 

The agency daclded to accept trled to be brutally hone81 up but the phone on Saturday 

60 names, countlng on some wllh mysell ebwl edopllon, mmlngs, and 01 course we 1, 

altrltlon. The oMcs on Wash- and I dlscavered I am enll- can be extremely carefree 

Ington strest opened at 8 a.m. physical hmdkap, anll-relar- abDut money. I guess II we !X 

on Ocl. 4. At tk55 am., the or- dation, end raclst. These am never have children, at least I 

, 'ler was glven: No new names not." dha said sonly. "dlscov- we can traval and soe the 4 

lor the llst. erles that make you love world. 

The Boyntom, msldered . 

bad on a couple, but wo have 

M, an stopped flghllng each other I 

adoptlon and they, as with lnlerllle couples wlll eventually 

some other fnfertlla couPles, become Pregnant, that 1s 

and are bs& lo nghtlng 

gether against 

ended up laclng unsetlllng much a maller of chance, karworld. 

truths about thameelm. Uam ma, addent. mystery. and 

t keep my eyes openl 

.elf the wal, explenallons, 

talked 01 the gullt associated God's WIN as B Is of medlcal 

wlth rejecllng adopllon aa an technology. Untll that tlme, 

a, point not so much 

atternettve: 

I get 

there Is much 5adnesa: 

prwnanl, 

usually 

It IS " 

but becauee I want an answer. 

a d'(fuse 

"People tho adopt 

The more you explore each 

pain without locus. 

the way yw make a chNd . and every avenue, the more It) 

yours Is how you ralae It. Well. In the extreme, these helps you lo qult. I wantedl 

that's freedom 01 thought. I couples are in a constant Larry's baby and my baby and 

0 

youreelf." 'Thls lnferllllly thlng Is 1. 

don't go lor 11. Emollonally. I slate 01 grlef. They are I1 BaYe not golng to be . . . " 

don't think the chlld would be bereaved parents wllhoul 

ours. Besldw. the only ch~l- being parents. They haw no 

dren rvho are readlly avallable choice but 10 do thelr best to 

are handicapped or emollon- mcommodate fate, which has 

Her volce reglstared ead-1 

ness, deep and low: "Sometlmen, 

no matter how hard you 

try, you lwl ns if there la somd 

ally disturbed. !'m not sure I been demonsfrably unwllllng power punlshlng you by wlthhave 

the strength to ralse a to ~ccommodato them. holdlng your ferllllly." I 

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DUB

A 

woman of sixty, nrloptcd in IIIIRIICY, has bceo searcl~lng 

for her "real motl~er" lor thirty years. "I'm de~crn~ined 

to find her," she told me, "so I can die happy." 

Sl~c is 1101 nlonc. 111 recent years tl~ousnnclsolotllcr anen 

and rvomcn raised in atloptive homes have begun senrcltln~ for tl~clt 

hlologlcai parents-wit11 varying degrees of success. Organi~ations 

cicrig~~ecl to aid the adopted lo tbclr search l~nvcsprtrng tip all over 

the co~tntry antloften have long waiting lists lor tl~cir services. Asn 

resctlt, courts and adoption nget~cies have II~CII forced to rcexamir~c 

their rules ant1 procedures reganll~~g&nfidcntinlity. 

The numerous boolo and mngazlnc articles publlal~etl OII this 

~ubject have been of spclal Interest to me-personally as well as 

prolenionally. In addition to my long career In fanlily relations, I 

happen to be an adol~tlvcmother.And wi~llc it is we adoptive 

parents and orrrcl~ildren who are most dlrcctly allccted by tills iuue. 

1 think It has lmplicatlonr for almost everyone. 

All ot us, whatever our history and unique cl~aracterlstiu, ere 

having dlficalty with our "sense of identity" these days. We fecl 

alienated from eaci~other: we livemostly in big, anonymouscities 

where we hardly know our neigl~lrors; we have no genuine roou 

anywhere. Tile concrete and glass, the noise and dirt, the crowds 

around us make us fecl Insignificant-unsure of who we are and what 

out llves mean. \Ve live in an environment of change and are not so 

sure what we believe about anytl~lnganymore. Old rules, old 

curtoms, old values often scem Irrelevant. 

As dlange becomes morc and morc rapld, we all talk more openly 

about what we find unique and special about ourselves. Those who 

were adopted are no exception-and what is happening to thum 

wema to be a reflection of what is i~apl~enlag to all of us In one way 

or another. Wedon't want to be anonynlous; we want to know rvho 

we are and wltere we are going. 

In that context, I am deeply concer~~cd about tltoservl~o search for 

+- 

their biologlcalrwu. I'm not hotltcred by tile fict that they u~anto 

-that seemsentirely natural-hut by tile fact that thcv piue in to this 

lm u w. If psycl~ology 11as taught us anything, It 11as made clear 

I at we are almost constantly bon~bardetl by irnpulses to wl~icl~ we 

must learn no1 toglvclnl Tl~ereare ljmcsrvl~et~ we'd like to 1111 

times wl~cn wc'd love to steal, times wl~en we feel like 

sayina sometl~ir~a cruc$ h- comes when we learn to control 

F. 

The wish to searcl~ for l~iological plreuu is one of tl~osc tl~orottgl~ly 

lutcly human in~lrulscs, nut it seems to me that 

in most circumstances it't ;n in~pulse tilat needs to be controlled. 

"Now that I'm an adult mysell," one adoptee told me, "I ice many 

girls and women lraving babies out of (ror~lin~ted OII page 2/41

n,,.l,F" 

I" I,,,. "I,c,~~c, a,, .#k~","l ,rrmaqv. 

r.n,, tn v.,1, lo, Ill, or I, ll,lll*C.l 

rttutnor nn.n,~~nwlIo~~ can lr,cvl brlp 

r "1. Ad~ml rl8lltlrrn #lo lmlr ipclal rm. 

rrtm.111C(I",11, Ill. lllllt.lmlcll,"rllll 

111. Lmrlnln 01 .n 1nlfl.l irlrrllcta-llrl 

8," rn>,tct how .dl ,lor, ,"mc to ,!,"I

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SPORTf ' \COMI~- 1 OBlTUARIE5 CAPE COD TIMES TUESDAY, JANUARY 10, I979 . PAGE 15 

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Infertility meets with firm RESOLVE 1 . 

B, LINDA Born 

Spadrl wllw 

Cape couple wants to establirh 

L. a group to help 

others cope with the p;ob/ern of infertility 

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Ipndln(mmtlrholm,UllvplqtoBplorr S b * ~ I & ~ I b ~ t m r r m D d I ~ & b e w m ~ p n O v a l ~ m l y l ~ l d 

la tatr." Jvdr uld. bum dWa(lliw.Cn8dIhmo.lmnma, (bcroa:I&un*-l~uLbarbodo 

-. 

"Ena dMm w t a undu tba mpb. 

uld. 

nylddW.'llpuwMtilb.d~),",ll 

~~(hr~ulb~~o&i~c(lud,tbro 

m~; at w WI tm;, J* set IL' Otbm uld. 'Wilt monlh.. uh I 

WW " J* uld. 

lmwhd. 

Mn. Mmal mpfbd lb1 Ma(llivL =+ 

bfn.M~uldchr((b.pop*rbolUw I"1slu~m%Uoll~m."mrm*b1ll*~d1. 

."-".". -". 

W. Uu mv$e muat ~lns UILL h, 

.IJmbdUo~lt~u)r~mbPbsmm.h 

hul bulh mly a pMmIlIl lor. 

NlrrrnmUunlmrrmd~bclD. 

lh )I.n ot rmMl4 lUllnul( hI= bRn 

mlrcd ut* NlLmr a. nut un uuUa d 

~iaisacii doa mi vr( hn a wpiauup 

M Cap Cod. Un. Yrnrutq lud IU rl u*n 

-. .-...-. .-.A 

.- 

. -.H k

. . 

MY PROULElll AND 1.IOW1 SOLVED IT 

My Aibptecll Daughter PJmted 

To Rnd Her Naturd Mot11er 

=$ 

\ 

I 

. 

M 

! 

I wns ltcnrlbrokctl If slrc succcctlccl, 

~vl~cn Knrcti inslstcd 

tvould I lose l~cr? Or 

on finding tltc wotlinn 

woctld love provc 

who gnvc birtlt to hcr. 

stronger tl~nn blood? 

y husbnnd, other pnrct1L3 have rctl 

George, nltd 1 hnir?" 

ntloptetl Knrcn "Ilotv should 1 itno\v?" 

tvhcn uhe mns five dnys 1 nt~swcrcrl lrril:~bly. 

oltl. It wns the joyful 

"Whnt doca it ntnttcr?" 

clirt~nx to ycnrs of fras- 

Thcn. tVllcn she tvns 

trntlon durir~g tvhlch In high school, KR~CII .- . 

we'd tried unrcucccssfully cnntc hotttc nntl ~ I I - 

to stnrt n fnmily. Rut 

t~ouncctl to IIR thnt her 

despite our longirtg for 

clnss wns tlolng a 11rojcct 

. children, wc hnd hccn otl gct~cnlogy. Tltc idea 

hcsitnnt nbout ntlol)ting. 

tvns to trncc tltcir nnccs- 

Could we, tve nskcd our- tors bnck to thclr ~tntivc . -. 

selves, love nn ndoptcd Inads nntl then dr~itt' 

cl~lld ns much ns we 

fnn~ily trecs. 

would love one of our "Your jirent-groat 

, very own? grnntlpnrcnts on 1112' sitle 

. . As soon as we snw cnme fro111 1 rclentl," I told 

Knren, nil our doubts 

her, "Antl Dnddy's \vcrc n 

ilisnppcn~~ctl. She lny in n crib, Dnntty more yours thnll me?" nilxtoreof Scotcl~ nntl E~lfilish.'' 

bald nnd wrinkled, looklrtg 111- "Ab8olutcly not," I told her "Dut tlto~c aoc~l'l nly nrtcrcdlbly 

vulnernblc. I rcnchcd firmly. "It's beill&! tolrottier ccstors," Icnren snid slotvly. "I 

out for hcr ns instil~ctlvcly nn thnt nlnkes pcople n fnlnt!y. 11o11't know nt~ythlnj! nl~otttrillif 

I hnd just given birth. As I You tlos't tnkc love nwny froni aclf. I ment~, I could i~c Gor~nntt 

held her close, I looked up nt one person to give it to nn- or Frcnch or nnything." 

Gcorjio'u fnce nnd snw thnt his other. The mn~ic is thnt lo\'c TIIIIL COII~C~RII~~OII nntl the 

wonder equaletl niy o\tvn. just keeps coming." lost, worricd look on my tln~~sh- 

But tve hnd n surprise nhcnd. This ntntlc sense to Knrcn. tcr's fncc t~psct nic tcrribiy. I 

Eight ycnrs Inter I bccnme She never ~ceti~ctl jealous of pltot~cd the scltool to tell tltc 

pregnnl~t nntl \vc \velcomctl n D~IIIIJ.. We were B close, lot'itt~ tenchcr tvhnt I tl~oujil~t of j:lrson. 

Thrilled ns tvc ~vere. this fnmily. lnp chlltlrcn such nn nuuij:nmlrncle 

in no tvny tlin~inished Even no, cvcry once in n mcnt. 

. our feelings for Knren. wltile Knrcn nskcd 11s nl~out "I'm sorry if this hns cnuscd 

On tho nttvicc of the socinl her "rcnl pnrcr~ls." Thosc qocs- problet~~s," RIIC npologizccl. "Of 

worker nt tho ndoptioll ngcltey, tiotls II~WUYR setit n chill course, linrctl nlny tlrnw 1tc.r 

wc hnd never co~~ccnled from throu~h me. I ren~cmbcr n con- fanlily trec ~ISIII&! your ~IICCR. . 

Knren thnt she \vns arlo~~tctl, vcrstitiot~ whc~t sl~c wns 12. tors. Itttt. . .I' nhe pnitsetl. thct~ + 

So when \ve brot~~ht D:~nny "You'rc nl\vnyn snyi~tl! Dntl- ntldctl hesilnttlly, "do yo11 11:ivc ; 

- 

home from the hosl~ilnl, Knrcn ny looks like I)ntltly," Knrcn IIII~ i~~fortt~ntlor~ nhot~t I(11rctt's 

wna full of qucstio~t~, snid. "They're both no blo~td. rcnl pnrents? She docs sccnl so 

"Dnnny ctime out of your Nobody in this f~tntily lins re11 engcr to know ~ornetltit~g." x 

.a 

tumn~y," I(nrett snid logicnlly, hnir but nle. I'tl rcnlly like to "My husbnntl nt~tl 1 coasidcr $ 

"And I didn't. Docs tillit mnkc ktiow how I got It. Did my ro~lrin~rd 011 patv $2 2 

. 

30 

f 

I 

. . 

GI 2,

I 

nly AI)UI*I.I;I> 

I)AUC:II~~I;I~ 

co11l1111r~d 

held. Huclully, 1 ncccptcd lhc incvltnl~lc; 

As Knrcn l~crscll bod 

pointed 0111, slic rvnr no longcr a 

child. I didn't hnvc tl~c rlpl~t to 

co~~tinuc prolcctln~ her. Or nlyscll. 

I.ntcr tI111t cvcnlng, Ocorgc nnd I 

wcnt to Knrcn's room logclbct. Wc 

told lrcr thnt we l~ncl locntcd her 

nnlu~nl n~otl~cr nnd tlinl rho had 

Invited Knrcn to clinrrcr llrc lollorv- 

Ing cvcr~lng. I lrnvc scvcr sccn a 

niorc shrnricil cxprcrslor~. 

When tlrc tlnrc cnn~c for Knrcn to 

lcnvc lor dinncr ilrc next night, her 

lncc wnl pale nnd slrc tlrrcaf lrcrsclf 

into nly nrnls. 

42 "Oh, hfonr, 1'111 scnrccl," she 

wlrirpcrcd. "hlnylrc you rvcrc right. 

,, .. .. WIrnl If she doc.sn't llkc mc7 Cnn'l 

you nntl Dnd comc'l" 

"hlnybc sonlcdny we \\.Ill," 1 mld. 

ns licnrllly ns I coald. "nu1 tonlgltt 

Is jlrsl lor you. And nr lor 11cr liking 

you-horv cnrl shc hclp BY 

Thc cvcnlng wns thc longest of 

tny lllc. To kccp o~rrsclvcs occ~~picd. 

Ocorgc nnd I took Dnnny out for n 

spnglrctti dlntrcr nnd tl~cri to n movlc. 

DonZ nsk mc rvhnt it cvns: I don't 

rc~ncmbcr. 1 only know lhnt cvhcn 

wc got IIOIIIC n lltllc nltcr 11 r.ht. 

Knrcn's car wnsn't In ihc drivcrvny. 

\Vc go1 Danny to bcd and scltlcd 

down In the den lo read, but nclthcr 

of us could conccnlrntc. 

A hnlf hour Inlcr, wc 

hcnrd n cn~nch ol tlrcs 

on 111c drlvc. Stma, Knr. 

en's slrrprircd lncc nppcnrcd 

In tl~c iloorwny. 

"\Vcl1, Ill" slrc sold. 

"Arc yo11 n o sllll upl" 

"Wc ccrlnl~~ly rile," snld 

Ocorgc, "nnd \vc cvnllt to 

hcnr nll nbulrl 11. Ir sl~c 

whnt you cx~~cctcd'l Arc 

yair glnd yo11 lorrlid ci~el~ 

olhcrl" 

"011, ycsl" Knrcn snld. 

. "Shc's rcirlly n stlpcr pcrso11 

nnd so is hcr ~IUSIIRII~. 

ii'c tnlkcd nntl tnlkcd. She 

nnd n~y nntrrrnl lntl~cr 

rvcrc lllglr sclrool srvcclhcnrts, 

only IS wbcn I 

wnr born. 'I'bcy \vcrc too 

young tc 111nrry. Tlic o111y 

wny to givc rllc n i~or~~~nl, 

hnppy lllc wns to ICI nlc 

bc . ndoptcd. l'hcy. lrrokc 

up soon nltcr tlint. I gtrcs~ 

thcir rclnllu~~slrlp just 

coo1dr1't lakc so 11iuc11 

prcssurc. Slrc grnduntcd 

and vcat on to collcgc. 

Shck n tcnclrcr. Isn't thnt 

lunny? Yo11 know how I'd 

like to go 111lo tcncl~ing. 

llcr husbnndh n tcacl~cr 

too. I'lrcy don't huvc nny 

chiidrcn. 

"And gucss wlrnll" 

31crc wns grcnt ~~lcnsurc 

in lrcr volcr. "mid hns 

bright rcil hslr." 

"You cnll her ilnldl" I 

nskcd cnullotrsly. 

1 "Well, 01 co~rrsc." Ksrcn 

lookcd s~~~prlscd. "Whnt 

llld yo11 tl~l~~k I'd cnll l~cr 

?--'n~olhcr'l" 

! "IJU~ you did ~ikc ilcr: 

I. pressed. 

' "Yes, n lot, nut gosh. 

hlorn, tl~nt docrn'~ hnvc 

nnyll~lng to ilo wlllr 8r.r. 

Wc'rc fnrrrlly." Sl~c crosscd to nry 

cllnlr nnd pcrchcd on thc cdgc. 

"You told n~c sor~~clhing orlcc," 

sl~c soid. "n long linrc ngo, cvhcn 

Dnnny wns born. I've ncrcr lorpottcll 

It. You sniil lovc Isn't sot~~cll~ir~g 

yo11 tnkc lronl one pc~sos lo givc to 

unolhcr. Thc nlorc of 11 yo11 rpcnd, 

the more ).oil lrnvcl Tl~nnks, hlorn, 

lor tcncl~lng nlc that." 

"Thnnk yo11 lor lcnrning It," I 

snld sollly. In tllnt IOI~I~ I wnr 

flllcil with n sudilcn scrlsc 01 prldc. 

In Knrcn. And In Gcorpc nncl cven 

In nlc, too, for Irnvlng rnlscd nrch 

lovely pcrson. No nliutlcr wlrnt color 

her hnlr wns. sl~c hnd our scn5c ol 

vnlucs. In nll the wnys ll~nt counlcd, 

rhc wus orrr dn~~phlcr.+

n~rrrrl~~rr Knrcn's rcnl pnrcnls," I 

r~nswcrcrl icily nr~d Ir~rsp II~. 

I f I 1ho11pl11 lhnl wns lhc cntl oi lhc 

nlntlcr. I svns III~SI;I~CII. '\VIICII 

1t11ol.1 nns nirccl on tclcvi~io~~. KICI 

rrll niglll niter nigI11, pl~~e~l 

to ll~c rcl. 

\vnlchi~~g tlrc sto~y of thc n~~tl~or'~ 

blnck lnl~illy lrncctl fro111 its origin 

ill Airicn. 1:rcinl IIICII on she wnr 

ohre~scd with tl~c s~~hjcct of her ow11 

roots. What ucrc hcr ~~;~ttrrnl pnrcrlls 

iikc? 

"l'hcy 111igl11 hi~vc hnd othcr 

cl~ildtc~~." \IIC spcc~~lntctl. "I co~~lcl 

hnvc 11:1t11rnl III~~IICI~ n81d sislc~s." 

I didll't know how to rcsyond. 

"llnvc uc fnllccl hcr in \onlc w ~y? 

\Vhy 1s11't she snti\iic~i11st hcing otlr 

d~~ugblcr?" I once inked Gcorgc. 

;she wnr;L n scrlsc oi ic~cntit

\Noman f i g h t s w i 

rig 

By MELES PEFeR 

~m SM Wnta. I . "13. mdh la lo bLms la mncb d Lb. nmtmrrrn 

'on Ihs mb]raol odoptlon rl~hu," Parker wld. :he 

t b m fld Ihlng a pram n&r abaul flmhndrr 'chimed the "glonll&' reU1oN LZrl rrr IrquenUY 

&on, puta tr ban rmd br tr and bm her bod 

an reed abwt e mncnxlnnor sten on N we not sborul6 I 

c&ui~y u U lo dnmollu 8 plnL Sb. Woad 'h& 0Idu d !be &q. Thrr dramollc deoKtloN (37 

8pp.r lo a bwUndrr lo b. Iho plrm 1.4 a hplcal olkn hrvr qulU dlllrrenl nsulu 

'hwim brarrile mad m&w. BDI ILN Ir ma0 (h.n Pnrktr real a lo iclllho :my 01 I'raad-!?I rh IJ 

UuL Sbe LM u ~ odopuw . mdkr rbo pmMbly gUI w. at Uw 131 d 21. duldd It aar Llmelo 13d hu 

~ U I l h ~ d s r l b r r d r a r r 

:-'real" mmw. Wtth lhe help 01 :orre ilk611 r-mh 

: P"4erlm(b.mo(lndlwb(olollc.l.m,dmr rmor bs IWUV cndrd uo on (be J~orrt:~ z! ', 

MlbqlIllullmcllLd~d*dopla'sTlrmL : Rit 11 .a nd 3 bpgy crun:n. .n).'::a us, sn d 

:b (ROAPI. II lm 8 d00cnab.r~~d~lh 

r(& 

:UllglUmalo chlld she hod alvcn up ahra be was bra , 

I 

~ ~ . U w u l b r U ~ d O ~ I I L I a I m .bM ab. hdmurled but never & br hwhond oboul 

~embm do oa waul cny odcvtim Ln mMgrd in 

, 

Nor mdddr. 8 rmWr lb. hrd lrW lo loqd 

Ob)o,l~~)~bCNCh,f0lhr~~W~.Dd~US amand rl brr dmr md Ihrer brr i1mJI Into a 

~b~nll~atLb.pmpr(dpolllbl.mhnhamnlr4 

~. LI.U~UC nltmum she nerrrrmnted la hmlad h. 

., . . . ...... .-. .. ~~~ 

1 

'+trdh% 

: Parirr a h cxphlsrd Vul Wm am pamnu rta 

, 11 ru ~mo, ~utrrll k &m(lo. to ROAP mad .odopl chlldrm rnd nvml yean Irkr drcldo the dm1 

:$a bb d Putnun coon^ Pvmb lor Chlld'a Rlsbb !rant Ihem onnnorr. &they have a emup vamh out 

Ihlt hfmnhl her lo OItln Y W y nl@L St# oddmcd 

; 

:Ihe b b b wnu ~ and dew1 tho cblg oo Wlr 

.'a mull aord d 10 d mMI.daoUvm numb. at 

. 

., 

: h.~drdalb.tam&d~~.mdba* 

, ' uUo~k~wtloloochabblloro,ILNrlmr6 

b a aem abwt~talm~OblotlcunUu1 

i 

. . ,.. -- 

.. .' , . I 

would Ibrutm lb rWm d adoplhr wdr U puvd 

dwntrp. "11'1 a nn d~Uon hmt It h.1 hrmd;* 

, Parker MM. 

Plrh turned lb podlDm aaio ROAP .snt(ul. 

Durn8 J QUtaUOn mnd 

'~Ihy Mqua, M04 10 dn an apluvllm 01 ibs bllfr. ! 

amn ptf'Iod Pnrkrr brld ber I 

:MP.r*rnnoculr~brrb8nL4rb.npWIwd . 

a m lcrOU her ChCLl aUD01i pmtCNv~ly M ae 

hknd lo 

'rhyILNdommWoba~rrmd&'aIbna 

prnnb wbo baIh agrerd ud 

btr, 

ma 1 

:Uo6cooUlndaUtllsmOumLaUIlhboddmY ' 

:kesli.rci;,riukrrbm~~i~l~hl~"~~al~ 

i 

. IdeyrnuldllNOhbBouMbUUludM1~ mu bcr U Ua nwn 

rbt dl&( rul~ 

:-oltd IM UM dd-I d ll~ 

lm CWWSIO~ M*I record* opm WO: because she tell :l;n.fr., at+, (be 

:M ih ba) rn IUU~MI blll rmkd lo "klplpun" FQ:lllillly of lWln8 trr iau(2ltr:r love. 

;odopkd W Irm tbs lml"llmbo inhg" Wy hrn 

.rm M Lllol(nl Ihelt blobgkd partnu. 

' 6 am her rn~thrr. I don't lrrl lhal I'm julou , 

.as.- lhvI I'm U~rr:tened."alrculd. .'I'S jut ilut I am htr 

: '~bpu~1.dtbaUr~twp*W1~6wn mMt**r and Ih11'8 LL Ttere b no need to goearcw6 

(b. abu d bltth prrenU and adopuvr p8rrnu" mtd 

lor anyonc rlw." 

'M~~cN. (b. mofkr d ho m g adwICdchUdrm. 

' 

.'*my lpem W Uw Wt lo prlvlq ard the legal 

To i'arkcr. Vltre la no other "m*rU lor hw 

dgbu Ihe putall urn nunaked rbn Ihe ckUd war 

douRhkr. The wmon rho bore ihe cbUd lorlrl~ed 

adopccd" 

rllbU.1 l mmtr rhenrhe gave the boby up for 

Meymuld blll 481 don no1 wund w bod on Dam 

adovUon. A mother la s prwn rho"canr lor 

d aetvllly ROAP lm d y sgalnrl ceNh PON ol LC r8h a chUd and Uut'r me," Parker uld as rh. 

tiowner, (b. bulc Idea of a ctnlral adoptlon natrtcr Ir WOW la becU. 

"Marcrsary md not Larlble" lor lhe rbte ol Oblo'r 

budarc #I Lhlt Umr. 50 tar, :UL ltghlrlon hovs not UICn wen moIhen b tbt MI- rho 

uld rbm the money wffl come lmm lo runrucb 

dhareed wilh lhs dclm~llan. One wmrn who hd 

rrtlltrr. 

Idovtrd SON Mld *w could undenwnd the boy:' 

Parker btUcvn lhrl a mlral nglrtcr would a h C'JIIOultY I0 rant 10 llnd lhrlr naiwal molhm. 

e~bh Uepl rerrsmb 8a.mcler lo bsrr sasr atcnr to one: who clrc lhmi birIh. Shesald she lrlr they t,d. 

'ordl Psrktr's ryes grew wlh and shr rbspcd hrr 

flKbt 10 lhd out McaW therc's hi kurnmg cwlovty 

.nd~ clw la her body as rho leined Ionad to ask the 

audlmm. "Cauld yw nn euy knowmu Vlti aearrJ 

pupa rwM hrve aiicaurr Umr geluy mu yvur 

chlld'r rmrdat 

I 

of adoptive parents 

... -. .. . 

e mlr . . lo know tbelr OIWN. 

*#I'm dch and Urcd 01 Mar(ng d dIhrtghtr,"u'l 

man din an rdW M 

muhen rant rlgbU tbs cbo ran1 r4lhu. .h.t 

. tbcllph~d~lt+ararb.adn+Wh?"H* 

kblmed th.1 U hlr m'o blologlcd V r?U 

:~~~~~~.~nr(atb.tmy,tmeOLLI~*mtb.m 

uruttd la l r e a on b vnv'l. 

-.... ~ 

IMW spoknrommn and iodcr d i. orslab.W ? 

~~uqjlul; lo ptm (b. rlgbt d prlnn d dopUn 

mrmk Zbs amnlr l&ed hk. a b0(u.rJ, d -. 

I 

). 

Bills exolained i 

n o i r n Y & t w m w p r o O o r d 

aUmInC recur31 lo b. clpa la adopted LDdmdp 

ah*nd~vwrmumib.lmllblhrna~ 

(hw. It 1LPdlng Iku M'' I1 LLO pmpOud 

Uut I& Irr bo mr~cUw. meaw rscadr d 

cbWnnadopkdpr(orlo(b.&LUwLrpwed 

wuldbropn.~wTb.Uwumnllo.LIal.~ 

legulptwtr lor n W h h .(U 0 nrW1 UmlL 

It ral no( nWW Lo mr. h o new bll! Mm 

dnm hero propoud 4 Ohb lytJ.ton 

Pmvmrd Dhlo hill UI mclld allor M admlrd 

It alloro a d m pmu lo bp& a cxw 4 

tbrk 8dOPkd M U 8dWUoO 

C 

. 

bvth rrNI1coh rlW lba orrd lor mtw raut 

I itWpmntl-acoplta(d.n 

Mopkd pnon'a ad- ncordr a orlclnal 

blM nNlleatm 4 dbrr pmm* aged& ard. 

garmmmLl enUUa mly upon prlor cod coo 

unt or mdrr and only U imd caw la bun lor 

tbr WDII 01 con&#.- 

And It mcUln lhal tbr lmputlon nui &q 

, Mbu aranud lo .dm pnau ud adopUvo f 

I pomnUapvI~loa~lhrlcmr~aloIbe 

tlll'r dlrNn dPb. 

Ohb Dffl MI muM &bUth a mrchuurm b : 

.hlcb 0 blolaplcd ml d an admkd ~ n o o 1 

can CONenI toke ri~uro(,'~drnt~yina Lnioma- 

Uan." WormaUon lLII u Wcly 10 .WI tho 

adopud penon in IlmUf~ing the bloloW1 par. 

enL and 8 mechm(rm by rhlch thr adopled 

pwn can obUh the IdenUhlRI Wm~~llolr ., 

TaDtputmm~dF%blleWabnwddbw 

10 nUbllrh r Gnur) RtgYw of Bldoglal 

Pamu. In rldcb P would Uo n l ~ 01 r 

bblogtcal pannu rb. authorha Ibe mluM ol 

I~aWiac 

no mlwr LnlomuuoO muld hrn lo MI to sdop~ mu~n edrnr~. walled 

Wom8lloo and b. whmJUsd oil s lam Qmtmkd 

A prapa br I8 LkpmomL yean or olda awl rho beUm be 

cr rho u an odopwd pna~ rovlD b. able lo IUo a 

p.cltion Iw un mlcw 04 IdtnW+in(l 1lomnUon 

ma m oppropnrU pmOILo ccml. 

I 

I 

I

, , 

r- 

, . . ,'!>,:!..y . . , 8'; j.,.... 

. . . ,. ... I 

.' .-.. ..-:.-. 

I:, I ,/n June of ,1980,' Thg Limai'/j 

News inteniiewed Jenny Parker 

j . shortly after she founded ~ ighlf 

1ofAdoptive Parents (ROAPI. At; 

that time, she was fighting '1 

. ' against the passage of the 1978 1 

!' , Model Adoption Act. . : 

, .: . Today she is fighting against 1 t 

passage of twonew bills now 

before 'the Ohio Leaislature. .- 4 

i 

CATHY MEYERS (Iclll and Jmny ... ' P L ~ 

spoke lo a concerned Qroup of adoptlve parents 

lasl Monday In Ottawa bbout two Ohlo Houw 

bllls. The bllls could 'threaten the rldhts of 

prlvacy ol adoptlve parents and thelr adopted 

! 

' 

children by allowlno adopllon records, current, 

future and relroscllve, to be opened. The 

or~anlzallon, RIohts of Adoptso's Parenls Inc., 

was founded by Parker lo 11~ht lhese bllls. 

!3J7

1. MIKE WINERIP / 

Ilrro!6slc11 lrrrlrr 

nvc ycnrmno, Tnln and Sally I)all adopl. 

tl who they IIIOURII~ wan n plcaranl, htrllhy 

~Ll.).cnr.old~hay. - 

tlow lhey tro trylng to ptt rld 01 hlm. 

Unrdopl hlnl. 

Thry arc ccntcd lha lbymr-old In out to 

ficl thcm. Ile llns ndn~fllcd, pallcc sld. Illat ha 

hurglarlzrd lhelr home. Ila hml brrn char cd 

wllh tclllnn flres nlr schoot, school OIC~~IS 

my. he p t r ~ nro ~ u nlrnld he'll burn down 

lhelr comlorlnblc, lour-bedroom ruburbtn 

hourc In Soulhwcsl nflanll. 

' 

"lle snld ha wanled lo hurt them:' snld 

klnd of help." . ... 1 

The racltl worker: my It's one nl 

Ihvse ttran&c care1 1h:l 1tIIl be. 

lwrrn thr mckr: The hay ha1 no1 

tl done anylhlng lcrlaul enouph lo, 

galaken &way by lha slate I 3 a da 

Ilnaurnt: the nurnlr have no1 yrl 

The pirenll knnw lllcy nccd tlrlp fiom ' rvcl~olo~lils lo snclnl Wnlkcr: In lr!\ytrr lo 

romronc. mcy hnre trlcd arvcrnl sodnl srrv- , ki.m~l! court olfrtlars - Ihcy'sr Ir.wa:rd ,011 

Ice B~~nclr6; hoplnp, lo ~ cild l 01 Ihrlr ton or cnn I unndnpl r cl!lld. ll'r nm ro'.lrr lllrn ~ r t 

at lcnst lo hava hlnl permonenlly ptnccd In a (Inn rld ol your 11n1llrnI chlld. 

nroup hnnlc. 

"Wr've bcnl ncllvrly tr).lnl: lo #cl rld of ' 

"Pcople kee trlllng ul nol>!ng can bo hlln for two y~nrr,"Tnnl Dnlt toys. I 

dnnc unlll ha 6urts somEbod rrld Tom Suclal senlca rvorltera nnd couwlors In- 

I)nll. The Unlln nro nlrald It nlil)ha lhem. inlllmcvllh tho cnrc my 1110 I,"?. I# not hcynrld 

To kccp Iho boy out wbm lhcy'ra not, l~rlp.,Aflrr r~~nllllln nnJ:.?y lrom horn- recrnl. 

homo. Tom and Sally Dnlt took nwny hlt , 13,. ha an$ placed tc~~~po~nrlly uedrr Ill0 

houm kry. Ire wouldsll outrldc alter school ctnkb cuslody In a jiroup home. Tba hry has 

nnd \\*all lor lhem to coma home fmm the . dccllned to cliank with The Ilrrnld. 

COP uter mmmunlcaUont llrm whore lhcy. Two of 111. lalnlllca 1I1at h%vc ink-n 111111 

1: 3 , , : , ;. In lor rholt pcrltdr whcn hc has run nl%,ny : 

W*!'l!e wnr oll dght. llayollld go to,lllo bslh- :ny,,lhc 'vc found lllm to Ito Ilkable. 

~ODI 11 the lllllng tlallon around lhc corner," ? dlnll't $60 nsylhllln e.ronn wllh hlnl? 

tald Sally Da1L"And ha auld get mack snld Ilrnrorr Jlrulvn, lothcr nl lhe llollly I110 

hlclro Delcetlvs John Lonu, who arresled tho 

youlh on tllc hurp,lnry charge. "1111 dldn'l say 

how. Ile rrld he dldn't ge! alona wllh them Ihcrc, too!' ' 

and he wanled lo net cvm. 

Durlnk - lha onrcnls"diistl . .. 

for hein -- iron, \ 

, ". . . , . i, 

. . ‘ .( V;llm lhty llrrl ta?l: Lhr trtt. it 

- .- w ~ Inlparsllllc a In prl h11u In dm 9h.r 

mmrllcrl chsr*~. Ihe m~lopllrr prrrntr 

tald. Ilc 'i.illn'1 clecnh. 

arid - hc has avrrise ln!iiti&r;. 

bav tl8yCd wllh rllrr runnlnl awry 

. . In lome arms, alxrvc avrra~r: 

reianlly. 

Ilvea I

. - 

. .- 

una;lopta . teenage.' .: 

. '-: 

. . ': ! . 

VNADOPTIFmmIC. . . . 

'*ertuoiublao8 finan& ~pbdn.at 

the toy un111 .he I prmdently 

plmcrd elrewhne. 

A lborourh in~rsll)allon of &6 

boy's pall should bi made, Valda 

lold Ula Iudle, 19 m 1 re any 

mblms he ml hl ha$ ua lward 

ty erprtr. 11s !u btra iccuet~ ot 

rverylhlnr from blllnl hh flu trnallr 

to arron lo plannlo' lo mda 8 

bomb.lI~r Bald. 

"We're not here lo polvedre anyone," 

sald the )Jd#e. ctllllnl h r t 

Valder' mmmedr. 

Ncllhrr the boy nor. LI D~lts 

spoke durlnt lhr hnrln , eaapl to 

rnrrrr the ]udp all1 I slmplc 

'prs" or "no: All wrrs well. 

dressed and calm.The looked lo be 

the ~ll~.%merlcan lamlh. 

The Dllll had cllltd The llerlld 

In March allrr, lhey 1114, lhelr el. 

Iortl lo aeI help ironllocl~l~lsrvlce 

r~encler 1allr4. . 

Fddag, when lha burlo# wu 

nvtr. lhe POL! It had DO UImmeDL 

Nor dld I!s tccnaler, who bu 

krpc sllrnl ~hrouthou~ . . 

"lle ihnw 1004 pd~menl," nld 

Valdrr. "I lalbJ not Ialkl~l lo lht 

$fur, hr show mrtutiry. 

-4

I., .* 

.', 

~oh-sea& 

. , . j 

' ::.,. 

fbr. adipked-cliifdren. .: ' i i 

,.. 

' ! ' I - ' . .. .. ;." .,, , , . ,.. a .I 

. ..: 

,. . 

mma llarlman Is looking lor, lhls arc the ,ones who come oul ;he:,;: 

76?3iyii?Zid son. ills name. ,, l~eallhicst. We've been programmed by: 

might be Daniel Joscph Pcm- soclely into bclicving lhlssoclal worlicr, : 

beflon ,--, P. - 

- .-, .---, 

- m1ghl be becnure,! ~arhege of golng ?If and mnklng a hpw; " 

hls namc%Xld'have bcen.changcd by , 

f the couple wlth two other childrpri who' ! 

,' adopled Em~na,llartmen:sson. ...I 

t; r.:::. 

, ' That. Isball ~mma Harlman of;.,{ 

Rensielacr knows aboul her son. She:, when shewah 17 and who is lhe lounder,. 

,hasn't seen hlm slnce he :was nitie;.;t of Concerned Unit4 Birthparen&, inmonths 

old. Now hha wan& to llnd hlm: . other~organlzallon that helpsseerchers, < 

1: lo fill aha1 she ,ca!l% ~1hc.empI);npql"~j compares a molher't surrendering of a . 

i inher life. ".. 7. ., k . . ,' :; ; .,.',.'I: chlld for aqopllon.jq,a 80ldkr,~ptil? 

*. 

, June stej-ns.of tjaranac ke has en':j. righkfn ~~b~narn: 

'.. 'i;.: 

q 

f= 

.,:. . 

cmpty spot too. She is, looking tori$\ ,! ~~l,,,j, you .arc put: in& a , 

:~llcrnadclle Jean Dully, the daughter: al("allon ,.here you have topcrtorm an .. 

I ;he gave upIo~t~~year~ago.:i;b; 

l,iinn&ral act,'! she says.-"AndJusl l]ke. 

.. "I lhlny of' her ,all lhe llme," says!,:; vclerans who retu ncdilrom Vletnam, It 

.June Slerns."? Want lo talk 10 her; (ekes seven. to d lght yeari~for.blrlh 

! want lo see her. I.wanl lo know..~hat\\'~arenls to.~wnkcn !o lhelr slluallon. " 

she looks llkt. I don't know how shc- :,,. Whal they did was an unnatural acl. 

: feels nboul me. Shemay hale he; She:',: because when a mdlher and. chlld 

docsn'l know I didn't want lvgivo her.;~'scpara~e.~olunlarily, or so-called yoli ,. 

up." ; 1. :( F~~:c ,, : :;'; untarlly. 11's unnatural!' .;";;!,: :,:,A 

.- . 

.'!:: 

, , ' r !..,,,..' .;;, 

: Bolh womcn are.doing what most af',';'.'. 

slualon 30 years ngd , 

; soclcty has been telling them not 10 do 

,cpLegory, of;.::so-calied *. 

.lor the past 30~camThe~.are~art;ofa 

volun(arilyv: ::,,;.,: . :, ,;',. ,,,: f"' ! 

i growlng movement' of: women who 

!. '* -. . '. 

. . 

surrender& children lo adoption agen: '. she War. 19, unmarried and living 10 

i cles and social service olfl,~ and now?. &ranace Lake with her pa~n~Whe? 

, 

I know who their chlldrei, afaj:rshe .daled :a (Paul Smlth'8"College' 

I and are living. . .',., '. . , I. !. student. She became pregnant. 'llei 

pareqls sent her to,,Albanl9 haye.W.Q 

. They are womcn who are ov(rcomq ., bby, , .. . . ,.. . . ........ 

J-.?,,;:!. 

. ::.i:i..):,.:'I::.f 

i, 

wllh amhlvalenl feelings every .y ear. ., . , . ...;.I J.' 

about lhls IIme as nnoUler Nalionel ~fieb. lee Ig5% she gave blfth b? ; 

Adoption week hglns. his , ycor,,~.. b "~ girl whom she named Bemadelk' . 

: j'wcck"bcglnstaday. , , , ., Jean Dully. On19 a few prrdydetqlh 

:' . . andalonglngremalp. : ,:;:'. !:;:$ ' 

~osl dl soclcly tells they women, 

u~cavc well enaugh dlone? nut organl. . "I couldn'l' hold her' or feed ner;" 

i tolions that help blrlh pjrenls flnd lhelr remembers; ' pounds 

, 

rl~lldrensay."Don'td~nyour molhcrly ' (2OU"C"S when born'Shc had % 

I lnsltnc~v even though the )law and ' .C kcpt,ln'an incupal~+~Thcy lwk-me 

: . Tl~e founder of one such organizalio~i, ''

~~ - 

----. -.. 

. 1 

Stem doesn't how if hcr ehlld" name L rull i~vmu~forado~~m'h.vem~~md. 

Dmudelle Jun Dully. Iler Mms may bn brm Alter 24 Yran wllh lllllsb go m J w Swrn't 

changed rhm de wu adopled. he DI.D d-.t uu- of nndlw bnd.ugbw my rrm lay but 

know II b n dau~htn wanu to meel her nalunl she'lnollbovtlorlvau~lhe~rrh 1 

molher. 

'"1 W blve b&." rd urn *I dm't know. .:.I 

"She mlghl hold It agalmt me that I gave her up. have lowall lsdlcs' 

BUI I dldn't want to llve herVp..l wu 

lo& to dve 6lrl.r ~aureen Jqmm e-un dlrrctir ot 

herup." 

1 Wlhollc CIuriUu AdopUm Stnlm, a prn of 

:hs up do hu lhaught abbut the propriety of CMnmlmlly M.tcmIly Scnicu up Jun Slam' 

birn~cllng lhechlld rhc gave away and whelbcrrha cham. of nndlng hcr daughter are dim b u s t 

! 

muld td lnvadlng her ehlldr llle unannounced. h e .Ihtm Were nUnY mare adopllo~ 10 yean ago lhrn 

hu lhovgbt ah1 

the pmrlhlsshak thsnewrprpr thm are Lodry. A h "If tba adopUw wun't I 

all mlgbl have cavwd Ocmrdrlle Jean Dully If her handled by an asmq. lhm I'm alrald lhlr woman 

name had no1 been dunged and 11 she had mrrr has Ion1 brd mad L'm not uylnl lllhauldn't b. I 

bnn lold lhe wasadoplrd. 

punued. I'm ollm aurprlrd by lhe Imll~U? 

?uaYtd 11's tm late .II~ a11 lhaa ymn: dt W'P PPIQflnd@(la~erlnlonna~.Um ' 

Wmdm'Maytd I shouldn'l won. .. IU Jwl Ilks lu Slrlrr Maureen uld beragmy m r i v 1,qulrla ~ 

met her. to ulk to her. I don't want to Interfere . lmm molhen lmtlngfor Ilulradopledrhlldm but . , 

v!lh hrrlllc. I Jut wan1 to ~t her." not as many u fmm ado Id cbl:d-n wanling to 

.,ma offldal lnfomlla Ik.1 would help items kmwaboutlhelrblologlcafprmu 

bnd her daughter Is probably In one ol scvm. ateel 7he mothrn who have mirn~cled ur hrvc bd 

ole nhlncu that am veurcd wllh m mclal bar and sprlllc requa&* rh. up 7hey8v. had dmlm 

pbdlak,localcd lnthealllmofthe adopllonunllol and they lhlnk wmrlhlng mlghl tdwmng wtlh their 

lhe Alblny Counly DrprrlmrnlolSoclal Swvin* chlld and (hay want lo mahaure ~hrtsvcrylhlng i. 

.:County adopllon wnlm svpnlwr Barbara allrlghl." 

lynch up slalc law larhldr her dl~laln# any Tho agency hu acled " 1nlcrmedlar)l in 

ldcnlllylng lnlormallan in her llla wllhoul n cnun munilln1 adoplnl ehlldren and blologlul prrmu, 

Vrder lmm a Judgc. Cclllng such an order Is bul always wllh tho adopllve prrcnu' consent. 

dlfllcult In New York stale. In (he prn. wen Slrler hlaurm ssp wmr .or( ofinlddlemm. a 

..

~.. 

the muntry trying lo 1Ind Iulural prcnl. a 

~lbllng lmmwhom lhry've teenscpantd~ra chlld 

they pve away lo be .dopled. 7)M.orl.nlrPllon. 

vllh Wrhaplen lhmuahovl UK Unltcd -la, wast 1 

lo& 11 ycan ago 4 Florm~ 

Anna Fhhcr, bller 

Fisher allempled to llnd her Iulurll prenU She I 

-ma. 3 k L .bout her exd- clllcd Tba I 

ALMS, pllq ll MI lo klp wnmm who am 

ImUna lor under.age chlldm Bul FdIhcr up ' 

lhm lstwlhIn#hannbl InamoUKrsc~rchmnzlor a 

chlldlllhechlidls~n.dul~ . 

- 

. .. . ..., 

... :We am MI duUnR wlLh childrm. we're dcallng : 

with adulu. Wely can't pmyam you lnlo ll~o 

attllude Ih.1 you're adap(cd w you can1 handle 

:knowing anythlng atout your NlUrIl mdhcr. And I , 

1 

don't tell mo 10 an 1nvuI.m ol priv~cy. I'm M 

adop(rr. Lel Mk fell my moUo she's lnvadlng my 

pflr.cy. . . . . . 

"I1 a molher can lo& mare lhrn OM child. why 

mn'l a rhlld love mom h non molhrr? 

Ths lint laal chapla 01 ALMA war orianlzcd 

last wek In Clew Fath by hlgh Orrmm, in : 

adoplrs Wman UY. 15 popkconuelld her whm 

lhcr heard sha wrulllrllnam ALMA rbaoar. The 1 

heldl~llnlmonthlf~Thund~v.~ 0 1 

-A lot ol mlunl mochm lrrl they wrrc p-hd 0 

mto aullin~ lhetr choldrrn uo lorado~llon." Bnmm 

uy>me~ my tha a?,mcilMcd lhcm Inlo dolna 

IL Thy lrll It was the only opllon open to lhrm I 

Nm lher want lohave mow wllh lhelrchlldrcn." 

Ano1h;r gmup lhal Is helplag in the uarch IS 

Comrncd Unllrd Olrlhplmnu. wllh I5W wid ; 

memm.. tn Carnabell. a1 Dover. N.11, who 

parenu. The mt nm 

adop1cesan)olhcr fmnlly . 

mcmben The pmup has , 

I0 branehutn lhe US. 

d .. 

TIMES UNION 

~lban;.~ Y .Slllday.Nou 21. I982 DI. 

. . 

Capitaland women search for 'children lost to ado~tion 

. "..."-. . -,-. 

Unllke ALMA. Con. J 

ctrned Unlled Dlrthprr. 

MlldmmlllmilllIhlp ; 

lo mathen whov chll. . 

drmamovu 18. "We lccl 

we can& all in judge 

mcnt 01 wmmm and , 

dcclde when It I rllhl lo bealn a aelrch:' Lrc I 

C.mphelluy& . , 

-. 

'Campkl~ I-d the ' 

group aller llnd~ng her , 

&on Mlrhacl, whom she 

had glWn Mnh lo md 

whom she had nlvrn up 

lor idopllon in im1. Lei 

Campbell was a Il.yenr. : 

pld hlgh rmml Junior t 

llvlng In Op Cod when 

she breams prranml. 

What happntd neat. Iha 

-..- .... ,-, . ..- 

Y,. . 

,,PIC., 

from my lam,k 

horn 

. . 1. . ,. 

Y*~n~~n~crlhldbc;o~cpmgrunl~lolwdlwk . chlldm"are nady lo underlak. the. Ilv)n# fflmd, (my pmnu'w@re. -11 h.1~ m~n~~~y.- 

and she llccidcd to knp the baby. Then I dmcd uarch Sk up mahcn med llme lo iml and war king loid to surrender convlnrnl ma that (bnt WWI~ h a rhnm that L. 

rcwdlna abwl sdwlrr. lmkln# lor UHlr prmu *-all the lhlnm that aresoina on mY 10% I if tbc b.by could mma find my m. Ant, ,II, he., JI yean old. 11% 

aIId1Ufld laokln~lwolber b l i prmuU . . . .Iwldc them. lhy bve lo llnd wl how luck lo live *llh ma and was @Id that I not .I 11 he wm a childand fmvldbc vlol~tlng Lb. 

sw )waled MICIM~I two ycm ktar. itt war 12 'they 111 into lha wholetb~n~ 7bcy have "auld ~mb.bB to lo Utmah wi~h~olthead~p~nprenu . ...-... ,.. 

liviw In wulern New Ilsmphlrc. s c did MI find 10 deal wllb ibs dePnslm and the ** or Wtb and lh.1 I mid be 

-1 ],I,a,( tom wm .nd kmw I;.S nl~th.lb 

out abwl her un lhrwa getling a cwn adcr to '-. lullL n*Y to 

all 

why %:, 

I want loknow. Na Lmvlng. ..ll'sIlb tDmw 

oprn Lbe adopllon rrrordr. AO in tiew yo* mtc. ~'weren'lalvm~&ln .. 

~ ~ an empty rpo( ~ lo me. lhal's all I bknow. s h . 

mvrdr in blh Muuchuutlo and NW 11,~~. . 

bve lo kmw. ~ U. ~ ~ mY un and l he'd h m~ e a i 

~~wusur~~~m~dmIy bcopnd by 

,: UHy mady lo bciin ~ewPmhh'II~ wmtofihrture.- '. . :.,...r.-... -- . dmYnn~a~~halwu~OYn~~m'dCmedo~bl 

' I dld. Now I jwl want lo know. I dm'l wrnLIg 

C.mphil will nd uy how ~wnd out , may SI be in tho CIM ashamed of 'She dFvd pn '11 NU lhe dhmpihlslllelnayway.. , . . .-.. 

where her un was llvlng axcepl lo uy. -11 was a Ibrmrclra. They may mt have bld mb *lnt 1 g- Emma Il&-lmn She 

M,,~ ,d ,bm & 

mlller 01 manlpulallna the rrcotdr Deyond VlrL . Urlrsubuqurnlrhlldm" . urn 

. . . . cane& Unllcd BtMprmk 'Fm ml uhrmd 

rm not K~I~K ~ U anylh~ac 

Y ~tva pnmr~ matkr : ~mm. IS,~ ,.~ jotnrd amp'. :. me 

hlwcmmeand~lepcnan whohelpdrmrm .... .,; k~r, maan~ul~on 

am .,lo mwechlldrm. married but never . had . 101 .I (,I what happcnrd $1 ytmigo) .nymon I ~ehbk: 

I wmdmd.'Why dldn'l I have UH w w ~oYPW 

OWr ' mMhcm in wmb ol Wr chlldm whm she began lmklna lor her 1I yur . Yean Iaur. ha Wdcd she wanlld. kmr beticr. Rut ihr mply spotla sUII thv 

In,? i 

CmNmm( IhsL vlmellmCI the law can be clmtm . old IM. DaaJ Joscph Pembnton. lo k ~ I1 w hr wn wan well end how he no~knawingabwtmy rm" . 

yld IImaIhenwanl Lo 6-1 rrmln lnlormatlon. ' r IluUnrn wu I5 whm Ihe kame w~rdoln~.Sbcu)rrhsrm~rlc~ten~o ' 

who 

~ ~ Can ' a get a ~ 16. ~ lnlomuUon ~ Y . m n ? n . ~ h e n w h o':'pq~nL c ~ ~ h e16 l ~ mhm . Ule bccamea 'therod.l.unlrr. aulhcdlla InMon 

YW wed and leak IL" mabcr. 'I wu alr a chlld. mnrll: . - . n* h l v uklnl about her -z ' 

~~~~~ 

u ~ one d rrnrrtm ran r ~ ctor d ~MDY~~IY. -02 i~ rqsur.~eblla r~&ar~ld. welfare. sie ;svw latm in return I 

may na he IclaL but we don1 have a 1.~11 leg (o 

a, mjb,~ lmk a~ter her Lby uklna why. .It- all tkm yean. snr . 

l~nJon,Thelawm~kucflm~rul~olUr' . . , ..h~ hand:BIvlnga .ws ulll lnwmld. Tne IeI(m rhs ! 

Mlchael bmw Za and liva near ~ cccam~ll in '~p~crho wmir(cnd.o~henNl~ody uld. told her had glvm upall lrarl 1 

hll own sprlmmL Campbell up she and her her M. when lh. ~hlld CIwmlolbrmddwhrnBheIIK~thora 

oldml wn have hd a ~md rmlauo~uh~o lor lwr month. ..~...~... old t& . bcc~un~a . --.. mavd . .... m . PI- All *-1% 

told **I Ih.1 her 

tun Umpbrll's oth& IM unr ha;= a gmd , bat^. m hadr the mp~s lrlt ini wen1 I~IO a lam~ly wlttttwo other 

relJl~Onrb1~ wllb Mlcharlsa re1L #hr 1x.t llrn.lt.nm.nur b..mn . children. 1. 

"I ,nr 

.... --. . . .-. ..-.-- . -.-. . 

tim- -I remavd -They wirs 12 and 9 whm tky &el Mnrhscl I1 ~mn .1lerr~rdr. thempl~ split up . ~ru8tralM and lrrllng ashamed lor1 

ar*l unt -I finst*nt bmlhrrhmd 7 ) bmdtng ~ w a immad. ~ and gave lhs rhoid lo the M- UvlnK m w her Mn rean '10. 

for ,*d aIe.Tnywrnllnlolhs~roananda~ncd~la~~n~ cw.ly smal selvlrn I ~ ~ rhelmntdEdCmrrnd ~ u ~ ~ Unllcd ~ ~.rlhplr.' L 

mulhm *fIcr my rblld : IOIclher. They nalrd h ~ ~ lhrlr n blggrr bmlhrr .nen mxt (hlng Emma Ifanman k m mu The orp'nlullm. thmuuh IU 

.,,, hn.1 ,.ndrd~,. wb dmn't live w11h lhcm I lnkm 11 10 a drwm ihe war be,"# arkd by AIL& neMlrllm cave her 1r.b and name 

and "8s wld to lorlet I !lIua!'onYhCre IhC lrmlly darn1 n-nly Lvr sdop~lm igmq lo rtln a pper 01 pple lo mnUcl who mtml help In 

- . -' 

. ~ . ~ ~ > - ~ . ~ ~ ~ ...~~. ~ - ~ ~ ~ ~ . - . ~ ~ 

. Ten yean larEr she : , Campbell rdmlll not a11 birth pmnu looklng lor -They ward me into IL I war 1l.and' . ,. . . 

- .I 1 n I,.. .. . 

'nwrkcmd.- 

. . . -2. 

"Call I1 o~rranrl 

growth. I was ippmach. 

in8 my Mh birlbday, my 

other chlldren wcremw- I 

ini up and 011 lo Ghml 

and I war lhlnklng about 

lhc lulurr I was 1110 

ImklnR hart. Also. my 

yeun~crarstcri7 

. .. . ._ - - .- .... # 

.; 

.**. :-I, 

,,.-... . - '-.-- +jZ

~ -~ 

~ ~-. 

I 

and no~lcal!' 

other hdop~ 

or parenls searching 

Armed rllh mcdlcal record; lhat lor lhelr mots. 

hdlcate hdltrry heallh pmhlems In Yauachurelts. The AdopUon 

whlch could aUect lhclr oUsp&, CmmecUon Ln Peabody pmvtdea SUP 

bowever, roms parents, llke Gerrf- part lcrvicea lor people Ihmughout 

dlne Burr, can gain accers to ad* New England. In Malne, Orphan 

Uon Thva Dam. are more than 1.100 bed- Voyrge hn conducled about m) 

marches h e w6 afth a Obpercent 

by nivuea and a knowledge of aucceu rah. 

. medlcal blrLary - a tendency Laward "I'm dlreoveritlg that bLtbmoLhhentt 

dlwaaa nr . cancer .--.- lor instance en are very happy La be found." srld 

- Is a necessary pan 01 prrvenUve Yn. GW. "Jun the fact that lhty 

hell& cue. Jaclde CU:d Orphan bow ~brt p e ~ Is n aUys and weU b 

Vorace. - -. m adSUo3-iiiowfi . search Ilks gc1tb.s a mat weight WLed oli 

group tn ~alne,iald. ' them.". 

& 

t> "No matter hor wonderful YOUT 10.- 

. .- , 

La cmmect wllh a nart of thclr Uvea 

Mrs. GIU sald. "They don't Iecl eon- 

1.cL They am llke trees all gmafng 

upaftboutmts." , 

Support groups, bowhver, pmlde 

Ule aevcher wllh the emoUonrf support 

rrd prncucll guldnnce thoughout 

Vvlr search - rearrhea U1.t ire 

-. 

most d w ~ch belong lo'ibe Amerlcm 

Adoallan Conmrs. nrovlde a M- 

timl nitwork dirral tintern. 

In Dover, Concerned United Mults 

oUvr guldancn lor memkn u well 

aa a naUona1 new~lclter rllh a pnpal 

sewlce that let6 adopleu help 

each other trace a pamnt or paren(d 

trace a loat chlld. Thcre fi abo a re 

g W Lbnt members may k put on 

-- -...-.. ~

' stances 

of his hlrth, ,anp.would be proud to he' f, 

!,< his "othGrU mother.' f,,' .:,!:;. : . "'. , 

. ;f 11 

i 1 don't fcel I havk ~ hcll~hl lo try to iocalihini I / 

:;I and dlsrupt .hli Ilfc, .lor It was my decision to,': ' a 

! give hlm'u~.:l've walled lor hlm to turn 18 so he ,'I 

! can make) hls own, dcclslon about. findlng mel:': ' 

'; .I've Instructed, the age?cy to open my . . flie to any ..u 

i; ... lnqulrles from my son.l'.; j : 

:- , . :, . ., 

. He should bb goink off to ea~tegi th~s fall, and.; ! 

. I'd love to share that cxprlence with hlrn. He's : d 

>. an adult now, and I'd llke to thlnk he's capable'$ 1 

, of understanding that I never rejcctcd hlm. I!ve'l .el 

!. always loved hlm and pray that hlslife wllhhlB iju! 

. ndoptlve parents.has bep filled wlth,lo~e, ay?,!:nl 

t. goodness. .,.: , . . . :, 

Y . :. 

01 

'. I khow this could'backllre on me. M son may . 

: .not be the super.kid of ,my fantases; I ask 

myself, "What If he's' a delinquent( or, on:. '9 

+,drugs?" I don't know If .. I could hnt$le it, but t'd.i 

.!: 

llke.to try.,.' 

,,,:$., , ;. .I' .? i, 

I !?. . . . f .+ 8. .#;','; :. ,fC 

. Whpt do you think?,:, ' , .' " .. r b, 

. ., .. . . . 

4 

, 

. .,.. 

% 

, . :, . . , 

I , 8 . 'J 

'. .. ,. ,, I.;,;,,: ,:,; ,; '.,'...,': f .,.,;,I,:, ,, 

, 

;' HIS .o~~ER.'MoM~:

in 21 guilt-ridden, 

\ . , . a 9 ,'tear-stained yeare 

... I L 

. . . , ,.. 

144 Lll"rnhkn+Drmnlt 

Chdr Frank allll Icrlr ottlllu obo~~l l~cr nnlt inrrrctlrrrr~

, 8 

Scctlonr L) 

. ,, 

. Aromplkmld sgm 

artalm. It 6xm'l mean Ury don't 

"We don't fed It Is rl(h1 lo enter I 

' 

rove Ihtlr ubpUvs pnnlm anp pnnl vld u,e ale,,,, u,, chlld'm llle Won (hl: du uld. "1 

more." en rn-lrr. gnat , pmON.ll~ kl In 1s 8 b d Umm Lo 

Aduall . Mn Frank ~ ldr hrm dl, ll~ey'm Jwl pllln~ out 01 N(h 

' yw enr war It. I'V~ h w n m 

Lold her 1Lt m~ung her. IetU mehm( tlTln Lo Lbrk 

M lor lour p m ud I stW 1ca1 ' lo(rlher. 

kmr her. helped hlm to apprr3film . p d l ~ urnem.". 

Ihoy LSl * MU.r 

hls mdopllva pannta even mom thn . erpl,lnd, is rml~. ca'~lk.Umll thtllnu." 

pmrlou:~ ~nl dm added, ihs turn fbJ- about MR. Fmnk added, bmsnr, wi 

l l l u ~ * k~ t ~ -mlng 

mn thmmro eswpumm. 

umd motfer in ~r lint pare omrynn "dlR cNunn 8 em , 

real" rmlher mlter mI1 ha yeera. reungullhl ~r dld* 

ah( old rn hsrl pr*lemr W I dcnt~. ~ , 

"My M mnl f are gmd Irlends," reJdlm I, the7aUrr. m h l Lh ty,,. he ,#, a~l,,, hl ~n 

)he uld. "Dvi I can mva br Nm mbnnphrrdmlh ~ndpmnb. , adoptlvs putnlm 

moUtn." lhr.'mm pr1 hmva acmr Lo Monnmllan m Lh I 

Mrs. FrwWs e rlanes hva Id "Ym'n in hd lor adlls to Mrth nnlmlh~tmmydd Bmd~Ud. I 

Mr lo kmmt mTvm In c-rwd to get aer It: ms. Fnnt u' **cP;o lm not m a w adopum: , 

Unlled Dlrlhpurnlm (CUD). 

'5orndlma. It wrmm Ukm I ham. hlrs. Frmnl add. "hrm 111 a bl d 

"CUD Im nol m war& group:, ha You Lmr It h d but u r(.rl bmMn Uut should ta In &tar I 

1114. "mt lm one U~IV wm strru: yUrnhg ~~KuI~ 

dlkhmpp~. Inme. We Jut don't mnw,?llh Ur 

' Wm'r* a .nd advouq lmup oubn mp-ml d It. wqUllnpmrahndld mr. : I

. - 

. . 

. 

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w 

. . 

, . 

. . . . , Dad 

d 

. .-- - .... - . -. - .. ... 

.. .....-........... 

i. 

. . 70 

4 

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. . . 

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- . . . . . . . ....... 

. . .- 

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. . 

's.19-year search ends with joyous. reunion 

:. : \; 

. . . 

. . E ' ...... -,.:..,- . . ... . . .. : .... . . . . . . . . . . , . 

By Gordon Hanson ...... BIUI~ Rae was 3% when hcr par- he ho&. bhd be& torndown.;' he law-enforcement mmputcr system. Surpe learned he had a mn-lw And that dct up Sharpela phone 

~111 &rpe& wo& came ner. en& were divorced in ClnclnnaU. - 

--- 

-Id. "Everything came to a dead He knew Billla Raehad turned 18. law. He got the couple's CtnclnnaU . call to BiUle Rae at the Jh MI. 

vously over the telephone: "Billle Sharp moved ChlWo where, as ' end." ' .'. . He thought ?he'd apply somewhere addrmmd dmve them. Ing farm nur Me=, whnr 

he, h &is you, honey?" ~ ~ it :,a ~ musiclan, d he , formed a band. . . .-..: .... eundd- ... for a driver's Umnse, and It would But they'd moved May 4, lml, to ' KNegerh anploped. . . 

ass &illie.i@_e, and with that call. A short Ume later, ln 1862, hh 

' ' B I I ~ . is S ~ ~ u not dub k on record. BllUe Rae got her U- Wdburn, N.D.. KNega's home TWO days btcr, Shaqm, hh wih 

sharpe's lg-year mrch - for his former wife. Shelby, remarried and born. H~ bad flnlshed two 

CMS~ when she was 11, end that's ' am. m y ldt m,fonnrdlng ad- :.' and three daughkm - BUUe RPC'S 

daughter was over. . .: .'- . . . . mod with BUlle Rae to CaI1fornla, ~ gschool, h earned a dlege degree . when she mprried Ernest Ktueger dma. . 

halfahtas - h e Into tba farm 

: And 23-year-old Bll_ll.eAa_e . Shar~edl~'thmofthem~~~- - 

a~ gained mom Ulan 10 patndr to I",&luornh. . .. Stymled wah, Shnrpe went to a yard for a fourday virlt. 

,Kweg$r, who at 1ht thought the '" He to Billie Rae. meet the hlnimum welght ~ qulre . Endanat CincIn~U canpang wherm pollee "I (hinL. I lult went hbnk."'srld 

call wa3 a prank, was so overcome . years. at first I dLdn't men1 to bea pollmmnn. . . mordr now snld KNegm, ~ 1 had , (be hk~~~de, hnl-eyed BllUe me. 

whattodo." mIhen saw got the 

she cried. 

He also remarried' He and hh needed: a 

once worked. begw wm't then, "htu. 11 wu hud for mc & rul. 

RCPllim at ber fum 

@ltung Ns Sharp wife. ~rvilla, now have three Rae and KNeger during a Bllue brld but BlUle Rae's uncle,.paul_~~ Ln ha was sltuq rig~~tthm. 

BUUe Rae and her Uyearald p ... come a police Palmlman at Wheel- . age daughter& ... : 

Ume they lived ln ClndnnaU. The .g$.: At kt ...... ShPrpe had fmIld "1 hd ofh mnded when I' 

Ilceman-father wen reunllcd at her . hg, nl.. In lg70 and munued "I had three benullful glrls at argument. resulted in pollcc being ... . . . W~yRLneCTUI'dcverseamydad. 

farm home near Mercer. N.D; . lng for BUlleRae ........ 

; home." Sharpe sald. "But I had a called, and hernune went m ale. 06npbommmkr . ~he~~thoughtdme,UIhnd 

"When I first luw her, I just i ' He'd raturn to Chcl-U about . . lost sheep wl Ulae someplace. I '. lben, h yet nmhr computer ' : "Nkr two bans of g-rlll&g to ="him andhe didn'tknm me." 

grabbed her and held her. I didn't . M ce a year, checklng wlth old had to knp searching unU I found check by Sharpe. ClnclnnaU pollcc :.make sum who I was," ShPrpe luld. . &Id Sharpe. "I'm glad It'# mr, 

want to let lwse of her. I Just stood ; friends, pollce recorda, telephone . -her." ., .. turned up BUlle Rae's. name - SPurders gave h h the phone num- 6ad to have my girl hck. When you 

there holdlng her," Sharpe spld in n directories.. Nolhlng. He went to Sharpe mnlncled police agmciu maiden and married - becaw of ber of Kruegw's mother, Rw, & want wmcthlq~, you can do lL" 

Wephone Interview. ,::the home of hls eplfe's parenu. : "In every state ln the unlon" yla a !hatargument. . .:. - .r .. GarrLM. N.D. : . ,, (AP) . . . . 

* 

A 

- .... - ...... - 

I 

I 

' 

" 

. . 

I

. 1. 

i '. 

tion. . 

"The rdoption agencles say 'go 

tiome and you'll forget about it,' 

but you don't forget," #aid Ar- 

'''aette:' who recently was reunited 

. with . -.- her - daunhter. Clndy. "The 

aln and lossare'rlth you for 

Re rest of your life. . I 

-.. ~rnetle-sald the first Rice 

Lake meeting; held in Aprll, 

drew a doze81 people, mmwt of 

them unwed mother8 who, had 

ivm u a chlld yearn before. "I 

f~nk ab of us must have crI$ 

sometime durlng -, that meeting, 

' she mld. . 1 

"We've been made by soclet 

to keep it a secret,". she midl 

"But aa society gws aIong, peale 

tend to accept a lot more. 

'k ow it's easler to get he1 and 

adoption is a last resort. Cut I 

don t feel it's anything I'm 

ashamed of." 

'1 But other8,'she mld, don't alwa 

s feel that wa . One woman 

cslfed and wwas in f erested in the 

oup but the fear of her chll; 

$.en discovering she had been nn 

unwed hother ep arenily bns 

keot her from a tendlng the 

P 

mktlnga. 

. . . 

Others, she sald, mi ht be hidlag 

the exlstence of t % eir firstborn 

for fear of hurting their 

htlsbands or' because someone 

mlght know them. "There% a 

shadow over all of w,"Arnette 

sald. . . 

The rmotiona accom~anyin~ ... 

anado lion are varied. 

~hll#ren often mow up feeling 

thSy were unwankl. 1 , - 

: Mothers not only have the stignin 

of being unwed, but also Of 

having given, up their qhlldren, 

Joan Arnetto 

"Palnol loslng chlld navel lonvdl" 

'.Oliver!' 

... 

, . . . .%, !. ; ' . , : June 13, 1882

. . 

, b,, '. . , .. 

' 

Cmtlnued fr0mP.g. 18 , ,. . ,. someone I had knmpll my 1~0.' iJon,"de seid, "but a nadncss ' 

.,;,J :: ."She says she's been pul back .,cauao you reallre all the yCc 

. . 

evdn 

And 

It 

ndoptlve was mddr codrclOn; ' ' togethbr, so to #peak, nnd It's $,you missed.!' 

llmes leel 

!some',, 'made her ap reclate hersdopled ;; Llndalroth tirid: ~rnclte r 

ei' because lheYi ' lhmll j puc more," sald At; :, harried and have othcr chlldr 

hnve no blolo Ical ' chll~n 

,of! 

'X 

nette, 

R ,.,, 

, lhclr own, sald rnctto. ' . 

and boUl na there an le( 

'"-. Llndstrom found her ,'son. ,problems w l' tb nearcblng 1 

. A1thougb sttendenw, at the through l WlBco~In woman who : ,children ondcr 18 yebrs of age. 

monthly iheetln@. ha# 'drOp@(!~rcotiducla searelits, She contncled I.-. The elm, my adopted pore, 

. Arnelle Linddrom .Iu.: 

pect a* hund* 

::Dbnny9s adopted parents first,.. . dainetrma feel threatened 

Of 

.who contacted the awlel acrv- .. lhe return of a blolo ice1 pare 

en In ttle Ion who'va given up 1cen department in Bsrron Coun. desplle the fact thafmeny bll 

.Ight bw an In. ly I1hj see what kind of penon 1 pnrenb don't search lor th 

, tereqt I$ the orgsn!xatlon. !'But . chlldren because of a tear 

we cnn now unlll" In March, she wrote her son a burtlng Uleadov'ed parents. 

' lhey'* ready @lb'rbou' letter, lad in May "He showed : 

Arnelle sald. . 

"We aren'i ..:terlng arou 

. ' *: :.:'?'.' 

"At lhe i' '1 up ,en', my dwhrjcp wllh .hls and rrltln#, ,but we do thl 

prob'em and S 

". adopted parenla, He turned out.: oboul.our own chlldren," e 

ec'in@l an bettor Lban I ever. could have Wndsllom. "We don't necessa 

o we usually, have: r (hema but hop for - 

. 

. . I want to be a mother lo r 

. we'1i gw)) f" sherld. la whatev@'dl* 

1;. :, i! . .-'I! It . :;#: , ~Tbwe~8.i~n"!~mmedlbte el@. &Id, Just a friend," 

. , 

Arnette nnd ~ln&rom alm / ': '' ' ' . . .

Typed by me on my typewriter at home. 

copied by me on my Xerox machine at work. 

This material is from Orphan Voyage. 

- 

Humiliating the Unmarried Mother 

November '58 release 

Life History Study Center 

PO Box 457 Ojai, Cal. 

"An unpretentious malice may be satisfied with 

the silence and fear of the person humiliated." 

H. Borschardt "The Conspiracy of the Carpenters" 

A correspondent in Portland (Oregon) has sent in a clippirx about 

the allotment of $59,000 to the Boysw and Girls1 Aid S~ci..,~,, for 

the study of the personality of unmarried mothers. This grant-- 

not quite enough to answer the $64,000 question--is one of several 

similarly made by the National Institute of Mental Health. 

One may readily predict what this mstudy9' will reveal, for the 

professionals have already decided about the personality of the 

unmarried mother, and there will.be no change of consequence. The 

results previously obtained in smoke-filled rooms (interdisciplinary 

conferences) will be further justified by selection of cases 

among ap licants to the Society. the attitude of American official 

soc f a1 work to unmarried mother has, indeed, become quite 

crystallized. In the words of another correspondent, an unmarried 

mother engaged in social work: 

"I have been characterized as a whore, a feeble-minded 

unwed mother, a person acting out hostility against parents, 

an unresolved Oedipal character,..a masoohist, a 

selfish person." 

And of her work in probation, after more than two years of investigation 

into adoption petitions, some thirty a month: 

"None of the mothers were ever encouraged in any way to 

retain their children. I can only find this to be an incredible 

percentage...Every conceivable pressure, economic, 

psychological, religious, legal, physiological, was brought 

to bear on them to give the child away." 

This is the view not only of an "insideru, but of another. In 

the December 1955 issue of Canadian Welfare, Mrs. Svanhuit Josie, 

in an article entitled: "The American caricature of the Unmarried 

Mother, writes r 

"Today the 'experts1 generally attribute unmarried motherhood 

to unresolved parent-child conflict and say it is an 

'unrealistic way out of inner difficulties1 of the mother. 

(The psychological depths of the father are left unplumbed.) 

If the mother is abnormal it follows of course that she is 

not a fit person to raise her own child. Obviously then it 

becomes in the best interest of the child to be separated 

from her. Since illegitimate children are today practically 

the sole source of children for adoption...the coincidence 

of the rise of this latest theory with the Hollywoodinspired 

demand for children is disturbing.'

She adds1 

"Many of the girls avoid going to social agencies because 

'they are apt to associate the worker with the adoption 

process.'" 

And concludes : 

"One of the basic principles of case-work is self-determination. 

Yet today i seems to me that casework with the unmarried 

mother has come to mean the process of convincing 

her that it is impossible if not absolutely immoral for her 

to plan to keep her own child. She must be made to 'face 

the reality situation' which means to give it up for adoption. 

Things are made so difficult for her that in the end 

she has no choice." 

Returning to the United States, we find little of this perception. 

However, on one article, in the American Sociological Review, for 

October 1954, Clark E. Vincent did touch on the matter: 

,. 

"A preliminary survey of the (literature on unmarried) motherhood 

indicated that the majority of the samples studied have 

been taken from public institutions, welfare agencies and 

psychiatric clinics. This method of sampling has prolonged 

the picture of the unwed mother as being an extremely young, 

poor, uneducated or psychologically disturbed female. This 

... reinforces a like-causes-like approach which tends to 

regard unwed motherhood as bad and then emphasizes bad or 

pathological factors." 

Dr. Vincent took the trouble to study unmarried mothers who went 

to private doctors with their own social planst and found quite 

different individual characteristics. 

Well, the old prayer wheel of readily available cases, those coming 

in through agency and clinic doors, continuest and the pressure 

for babies to adopt continues. Neither process has been 

seriously interfered with by the observations of Mrs. Josie or 

Dr. Vincent. The decline of real concern for the ultimate welfare 

of the unmarried mother can perhaps be illustrated in the 

character of an advertisement placed in the Los Angeles Times, 

and the Ventura (Calif.) Star-Press: 

ADOPTION SERVICE, Expectant mothers. Considering adoption 

for your baby. Service completely confidential. Help with 

planning. State licensed agency. Weekdays 8130 to 5c00. 

Miss----- Phone ----- . 

33r

T 

Iris case is based on irrfor- for Iioura. If I mnko some intrtnliort 

fror~t the files of nocuous suggcstio~i, like 'Plcnso 

Faurilv Services of Kittp - come to dinner,' he flies or the 

Corrrrfy, ll'u'ushir~~tort, an ' ogertcy linndlo nnd snyi he won't be orlirnclctl 

by Urtilcd \.Yay artti ruhich dered nround. Yet during the 

is n nre~rrbcr of tlte fimily Services week, he drives himself to exhnus- 

Associaliort of Anterica. Tlte lrrre ti011 with twenty-one-hour dnys. In 

story rrl~orled here is front conti- nddition to nttending college fullsclors' 

re ~orts of inleruieru.~. Names time, Ted, who is very tnlented 

ant1 otter I details ltoue heen musicnlly, mnkcs good money nt 

chartged to cortceal idenlilies. The night plnyin uitnr with n wellcotrr~sclor 

irt llris case was Srrsan regnrdcd roc 'i'b nnd. I4oweve1; lie 

Prescolt, M.S.W.,A.C.S.W. 

often doesn't get home until four 

A.M., nnd his morning clnsscs stnrt 

nt eight-thirty. 

. MIWE'S TURN 

"Some nights, he cnn't sleep. I 

"I'nl terrified feel him tlirnshing nround the bed, 

husbnnd's sonked in swcnt, or else monning 

?!ng to . kill and even crying out. 

iimsc~f~ I)Cgun 

Millie, 31, 

n sofkspoken 

blonde with 

wide, beseeching 

eyes. "Yesterdny, 

he said flatly he was going 

to dle voune. When I nsked him 

why h; felt rhnt wny, -. lie said. 'I'm 

so depressed! 

"Mnterinlly, we're better ofF now 

thnn ever before in our seven-venr 

mnrria e. We've got n nice hiuse, 

n lienlt !I y child nnd nn nde uale 

'i 

1 

income. Ted's nlso etting a co lcgc 

degree with the he p of the GI Dill, 

so the future should seem promising 

to him, not hopeless. 

"'kd's a Victnnm veteran, nnd I 

rend recently that deep depression 

might be nn nftcroffect of Agent 

Ornnge, n chemical defolinnt used 

in the wnr. I thought maybe thnt 

cnused 'Ibd's problems, but he soid 

no, he'd never been exposed to it. I 

guess he's just unllnppy being mnr- 

' ried to me. Ile alwnye ncta so cnllous 

and uncaring. 

"'Ibdb nlso not functioning norntnlly. 

On the weekends, he'll sit 

stnrlng at tho wnll, not spcnking 

"When I first met Tcd, he 

seemed to be n normnl, hnppy guy. 

I'd dropped out of college and wns 

stnying with some girlfriends in 

Seottle, working as a file clerk. 

Ted wm n hnndsome young lieulennnt, 

just buck from Soulhenst 

Asin. who hnd his nrm in n cnst. 

"~'be never been u political pcrson 

nnd didn't hove nny strong feelings 

nbout Vietnam, but lie wns 

still gung ho nbout the wnr, proud 

of his plntoon and proud, too, thnt 

none of his men had been killed 

while he was their lender. Now, he 

rarely mentions the wnr-nnd 

that's okay with me becnusc I 

gnlher it wns pretty grucson~c. 

'Anywny, we liit it off right nwny 

thnt first night we met. 'kd told 

me Inter he wns on drugs nt the 

time, but I never oven suspected. 

IIc mndo perfect sense to me. In 

hct, lie cnme over to my npnrtmcnt 

the next niglit nnd the next. 

Although I wnsn't n virgin, I wns 

naive nbout birth control. Within 

six weeks of fnlling in love witli 

lbd, I wns prc nnnt. 

"When I to1 f him, he wns ngliost 

nnd suggc~ted an nbortion. Dut 

tlitit wtts totnlly ngninst my principles. 

I felt so mixed up: I wnntcd 

tlte bnby, but lbd wnsn't proposing 

mnrringc, nnd witliout n college 

degree or well- ~nying job, I 

couldn't nfrorri to 1 . 

o u single pnrcnt. 

And 1 couldn't go lionie to 

Minncsotn to hnve the bnby. My 

pnrents would have been sllocked 

out of their senses to linvc nn unmarried 

pregnnnl daughter on 

their linnds. So I felt I hnd only 

one option. I mnrle nrrnngements 

with nn ndoption agency to give up 

tho bnby ns soon us it was l~orn. 

"During my pregnnncy 1 continued 

to work in Scnttle, but 'Ibd 

visited me only three times. Thnt 

rcttlly hurl my feelings. He explnined 

tlint seeing me in thnt condition 

was too pninful for him. In 

the end, though, he did pny for my 

n~edictil expenses, nnd lie cnme to 

the hospital. 

"I gnve birth to n boy-n bcnutiu 

healthy child witli long 

slontlcr fingers like 'Ibd's. I didn't 

dnre hold him in my nrms becnusc 

I felt he wnsn't mine. I hoped some 

other womnn would be n good 

mother to him. Then I tried to put 

hirn out of my mind. Sometimes, 

though, I wish 1 could see him just 

once, from nfnr. 

"If 'red hod stnyed out of niy life, 

everything would hnve been fine. 

But he bcgntl turning up ngnin, 

nnd I found I wns still crnzy nbout 

him. 'Sonledny I'm going to mnrry 

you,' he told me solemnly one 

niglit. I wns thrilled. There just is 

something nbout 'hd thnt is special 

to me. As soon ns he finished 

his stint with the nrmy and found 

n job with n trnvcling rock bnnd, I 

insisted we get mnrried. 

"Within n couple of n~ontlls, I 

won prcgnnnt ngnin. This time, 

'kd seemed excited nbout being n 

fntlier. IIe mndc me fcontirttreti)

Group meets tonight 

bufhaln arm Adoplira Biohlt, lotlsan 

Cwnly CMw. wil ml al 7.p.m, lonlohl ol 

Iha homa d *ma la*, 4.Q W;llov, A I M . 

lo, mara in(mlko on lha pravp or maalin~, 

col A m d 482.S497 or l m n hyar ol 779.

80-Rocky Mwnlain 

SaL, fhy 3, 1980, Denver, blo. 

A mother's search. 

. . 

for long-lost twins . ., I.. _.. . . ., 

By ARLENE SBOVALD 

IsdryJat Nm Nlhm 

SALIDA, Colo. - When a judge In Colm& Ohlo, ordered 

BwemqSmltb-Lo t m over her 3-mon.th;ald lwim, Tom Howard 

anU~.St.ulle& In the court on May 13,1916, it never rxcwd 

In her Lo,pmtert bmw, "You didn't quatloo a judge or even 

our husband La thor & I war 19 ycan old and bad been nlwd 

%a convent mast of my &. I had been taught toobey." 

Sbe h 61 and Mrs. Jpha.Redflcld, now, and Uva La SaUda, 

Colo. And sbeN11 h o In fInd ~ hvmnr ~ 

(bat day In 1938 when her then-husband, 

.Gll&gSml.& 22, came home aad.lold her to el the twim ready 

for aa mthg. That ootlng ended La a judge's $ambers. Unlroom 

to her. Smlth had Tied for dlmrce, sagtag he no lmgv wanled ibe 

marlhilltv of a wUe and children - and since Rovrmn could- 

She vividly m h 

n't'kare for he children herself, he was givlng 

- - 

them up fir adop 

UOP. < 

'Ibejud eorderrdh&Lo~(hrbnbIamvio(hecaut 

"He mi! that shce 1 had been a rnrd of the courlall my life' 

and had gotten pregnant kIore my mamiage, hc was sun I could- 

Features 

n't Lake orom care of the chlldreo!' Rmem;lrP Wield recalled. 

"I 6zo't even permitted Lo &kc a phoie dl.1 know thls 

sounbc unLeUevahle today, but Uma wen dUferenl Lheal had no 

control over the slhwUoti.l was jwt a woman and, as such, I had 

no ri~hk - or at lev1 now 1 was aware of!' 

Rosemary herself had been given up for adoptlon by her 

unwed mother. Wh~0 she was 8, her imter mother dled. When her 

fcster father remarried he ul her loba convent busehis new 

wife didn't want a child, m 8 Rasemary then beoune a ward of the 

court. 

She war mised by nuns unU she was 18, when her father dem~nded 

Lbal sbe return home, gel r job and pay mom and M. 

"I did what I was Lold," hcmay RcdIield said. "Lhe way 

good girls wen supposed Lo in thme dap." 

S3.d -d-8-1. "-1 hat- 6- 

Aflcr42year$ 

R m q Redfield is 

s t [ l l ~ ~ f~e 

o r 

twim a courl ordered 

her to give up when 

. t6ey were 

months old. She is 61 

and ff ver fo Wda. 

I*o~?l!*DIur*rWI 

UUA*CI PHOTO

VI. IQI, NO, 2x5 ~VI?IINRSI)AY, ~I,\Y 14. I!IUO 

factors create flood danger 

crlng dnln In llme lo glvc lhc enrllcsl 

"Srlolcls," or wl~nl Tcylcr cnlls "rohols In the flooding mny ocrrlr, nnd lhosc In Ilrc nrrn 

Ible wnrnlng hclore nn lmpendlng flood. mounlnlns." Tlrcnc dcvlccs ~nonllornlnlnll should rcmnlr~ nlcrl ond prcpnrcr! I ar 

11s nyalcm lncludcn n nclwork of rnln nnd nnd lcmpcrnlllrcs la rcrtrolc locnllons nnd noodln$. 

spllcrs lhrnltghoul lhc county, who lransrnll lhc tlny by rndlo In n lrncllon of n A flood wnrnlng m. 1s floodlnp In nt. 

hccn nskcd lo cnll lhc I\'cslher Scrvlcc sccnnd. currlng or Is about lo ocrur In n sl~rclllr~d 

ever they gel n hall Inch olrnin In a 24. Uslng this Inl~rrtnnllon nnd olhcr dnln, llrc nrcn, nnd tllnsc lhcrc sholrld lcnvc 1111. 

IVcnlhcr Scrvlcc olllcc In Alnmosn lrlcs lo mcdlnlcly. 

nl no1 mteh rnln." Tcylcr snld. "but I1 prrdlcl slrcillcnlly when nnd whcrc flooding Tcylcr snid thr Wcnlhrr Serylcc mny rrol 

s how whcre o polcnllal prol~lcm mluhl Is llkcly lo occur. It rnny Issue cllhcr n flood havc nluclr llnrc la ISSIIC n wnrnlng ol n flnslr 

vcloplng, so wc can knp n close watch wnlch or n nood wnrnlng, but docs cxlcnslvo flood, or n powcrlul wall 01 snlcr thnl hits 

chccklng llrsl. 

st~ddcnly. Thrmdrrslorrns or dam bursts 

e Wcnlhcr Scrvlcc Is nlso ualng A flood watch mcnnr It is pslble lhnl Conllnutd lobackpn$t 

Rosemary - locates sons 

Ily nlrrlr llnranoyk 

llnnlly locnlcd hcr lwlns, laken nwny from 

t nlghl, nllcr 42 years, Ilosemary her by a ]edge's nrdcr In Columbus, Ohlo in 

found her lwln sons. 

1338 whcn they werc fusl lhrcc monlhs old. 

nswered the phone nnd a man sold, 'Arc "I lhlnk I &nt ~nld shock," she sald this 

oscmory nedlicld?' 

mornlng. "I could~r't bcllcve It." 

I 

old wns. lie snld, 'I'm David>upnsky Now 42 ycnrs old, cnch wllh lhree sans 01 

lhink we've lound enelr~cr.' "- Ilrcir own, Dnvld nnd Thornns Supensky llve 

h lhnl brlcl lnlmducllan, noicmnry In Albuquernue. N, hl, nnd Dnlllmore. hfd. 

I 

ARS altcr her twin sons wcrc lnkcn away lroln 11cr. Roscmary 

Id bias locoled her sons. An article by lrcclancc wrltcr Arlcnc Sliovald 

da publislicd by scvcral ncwspapcrs around llic counlry icd to plionc 

is) nlghl lrotn hcr two boys sllc last saw in a courlrootn In Columbus, 

Jusl over n YEN ngo. the boys, born J l 

Stanley nnd ~ emn~ll.oyn~~~~h., 

scnrcllcd 

records In Columbus. Ohlo, looking lor lhclr 

nnlurnl mother. 

ncdllcld hnd bcrn scnrchlng in enrncsl the 

past 20manlhs in an nllcmpl lo llnd lhc boys. 

A year ago. In a lenlke slory in Thc 

hloutrlnlrl hlnll whlch nppcnrcd hlny 18. shc 

snid shc hnd slnrlt!d lhlnking nhoul hcr sons 

ngnln in Oclolrr 1070. 

"I l~ovc no ldco whnl slnrlcrl It, lhcrc wns 

Jtrsl n hurl, n ycnr~rlng In my hcnrl. ..I 

tlnn'l 

lhlnk I'll cvcr rrsl unlll I llnd out somclhlng." 

she snld lhcn. 

In lhcpnslycnr, llcdlleld wcnl In Colorr~l~~~a 

losce IIshe cotrld oblnl~r niorr lnlorrnnllolr 011 

Ihc boys, wen1 llrror~glr lhc Church ol lhc 

Asccnslon hcrc In Snlldn nnd lllzl~op Frcy's 

ollicc In llcnvcr, canlnclctl KIJTV 111 l)ctls~rr, 

Adoplccs In Scnrch of I'nrcnls nnll n rnnn wbo 

clnlrncd IM) pcrccnl succcss nl flndlng lost 

rclnllvcs. 

Nollllng workcrl 1111111 Arlcnc ShoVnld, n frcr 

lnrrcc writer who inovrd lo Snlldn nhul n 

ycnr ago, rcnd n slory 111 "Corn~rrunlly 

Splllghl" in The hlnll nbolrl Iloscnrnry'a 

scarch. 

Ins1 sumnrcr. Sliovnld wrtrlc n lcnlurc 

nrllclc nnd lrlcd In gcl il p ~~l~ll~hcd nt Itlc 

n~clropolltnn pnpcrs In Dcnvcr. Thry rch~sctl 

lhc slory. 

Shovnld's lcnlurr rvnr lrrrnrd dowtl slx 

lltncs bclorc lhc Unlted Fcnlurc S)i~dlcnlc In 

Ncw York rccrrrlly ngrrcd lo usc lllc ll~'nl. 

nrc nrllclc md n pholo of llo.ur~rrnry 1111. 

pcnrcd ns a lenlurc in llrc llocky hloa~~lnln 

News la Drnvcr on hlny 3 nnrl in ~c\~rrnl 

ncwspnlrrr nro~r~~d (he counlry nl ahnul il~c 

snlnc lltnc. 

A wotnnlr In Dnylon. Olrlo, llurcl \'orlrrlrsr. 

rcnd the story. She lold her slslrr nlnut I! who 

in ltrr11 cnllcd her brolher.l~r.lnw, .Intrrr 

Supi~asky. In Arlronn. 

Ycslcrdny, Slrpc~lsky rnllrll hls son 111 

All~r~q~~crq~~c nr~d lold lilnr of Ihc slory. 

"I'm wnlll~rg lo hl!nr 1rot11 Jcrry IIInvlrlr 

lodny." Ilnsernnry sold. "n~cy'rc golng lo try 

10 colnc II~ hcre lo see us illla wcckrnd." 

I.nsl nld~l 1lnrcmo1.y wns on Ihc plrol~r wlllr 

her norrs lor lhrcc nlrll n half lrm~rs. 

"nlcy wnlllrll lo know ntncd lhclr lnll~rr. 

lllclr anllonnllly nlld wlrnl hnrl l ~nl~ls~~rtl 

"Jrrry tnlrl IC Ihnl nlnul n pnr ngo lhcy 

hnll llolrc lo Cnlrl~nt~rrs lo try lo llnll nlc." 

Ilc hnd gnnclo lhe Sl. Ann's 1111n11l hsy1l1111 

In Culr~~rrl~uu rind cnlnu up wilh n rcvlscrl copy 

01 Ihclr I~irllr ccrllllcnlc Ilnll~rg Ilrclr ~rrollrrr's 

~rrnldcn nnrrlc lbsr~rrnry 1:llcn Vrnnk, nnd 

,...,...- -:*ax

1 P ) 

, @ 

.- - 

>.' 

AFTERWORDS 

They Call Us, Birth Mothers 

I 

much hlchrr than ltr nKcrsr rdlr 

gluett by ALMA "ad dhcr j-,tnvps 

who prnpnrr walllnp, llnlil lhrrlllltl 

Is 111. 

111,l rr many rdnptrrs h'ng In 

knnw tbr tralh nl thrir orlr,lnr. 

wl~rlhrr lhry ark or not (lor so 

many lrrr ltttrllng lhrlr nclu~~llrr 

I,.*rettlr ,rill# qurrtlnt~sl. snlnvcltrr 

I 

r hl#ll* n~~slltrr lnnp. 11s Lnnw 111.11 

hrr child 1% dl rlch!. wltrlhtr or not 

rhca~llrrly srarihrr lor himor her. 

Far lrnm tvanllnfi In dirrupl lllr 

llvrs 01 thclr rl~llJtcn, !vc-n~rn 81,. 

rc>ll,l"p Ih.11 I', wall ',I In 810 

",III,I,!~ I. I,>\ .,Iw>~. lI,~l~,l -,>la,. 

llnn lhi-ec ~vlttt l~.~vr 1t.uI lltc,it 

~vt!tll Irrrs ro~nllrn~r#l atr lhr brrl 

ablr III lcslllp in thr lrrl fhrl lhrd 

thrg IKI lnlla~~vcd 11t~ir In-l1nr.l~ 

and n ~~rd ap,*lnsl all 01 lhc Itallli~~n.~l 

l . ~ k w ~ Ihelr ,

. .-. -- ..- ..----..-. . . . ,. . . 

- 

'\ -. : 

... AFTERWORDS ,: 

I 

They Call Us Birth Mothers 

Thry call us birlh malhcrs. Wc arc 

wamcn who llavr filvcn ap our 

rhlldrcn lor adop~ion. We are ,110 

called blologlcal mothen. S~~lloth. 

rrs call us "natural molhers"- 

altlla~~~h lor many ihls term Is m 

allrant lo the role ol m adopllvc 

mother. I suggest lo you that 

women who rurrrndcr rhlldren lo 

adopllon are slmply mnhrn. 

In her artlrle The lnevltablc 

Qunllon*(Vol.I.No. zI.SusrnK11- 

banoll polnls out that an rdoplcd 

rhild has a need to know his or her 

pasl, genrllc hlstory. and roots. I 

. . would llkc lo add that lust as the 

. . adopted chlld it naturslly carlous 

hls or her past. so, Iw, Is the chlld's 

. . orlsinal molhrr. 

Women who surrender children 

~~do~lion,mmrdln(rtuM~.Kllb~n. 

off, ~encrally do so to provldc 

them wllh a bcllcr home than the 

women ihemsrlves can offer. Thls 

. . Is very rclf.sacrl11cln~ pldurr of 

Ihcmolhrr. It b also true that there 

art many womrn who do nd surrcndcr 

thelr childrcn voluntarily, 

Some molherr who fed that they 

rrr qulte able lo provlde a s d 

homcarepressurrdlnlorclinqulsh- 

In8 thrlr chlldren by social workcn, 

. . parents. and adoplion a~cncies. 

Whatever the reason lor giving 

up their chlldrcn, l~owever, most 

mothrrs Ion8 lo know Ihrt thrlr 

children are all right andarecurlous 

about their clrcumstanccs. And In 

atlrmpllng to ulisly lhls curlwlty, 

-_ 

mothers who have surrmdrred 

:, 

chlldren lor adoptlon are delratcd 

......... In ,hir

- 

~-~ 

~ ~ 

~, 

SUPPORT FOR THE 0 

RELINQUISHING MOTHER 

Tho csscrlco of tho rollnqulslllng oxporlonco Is lhol I1 Is a cllolco. 

a major lllo doclslon lo surrcndor all pnronlnl rlghls loono's chlld. 

Tlro cnnlplcxlly of lhls dcclslon may vnry lrorn womnn lo woirmri. 

Sonlo womon know Iron1 tho llrsl ronllzallon ol lliolr bolng prow 

rianl lhnl llloy will plnco lllolr boblos lor adopllon; llicy so0 no olll. 

cr allornnllvos as roa11s11c cholcos; Inlolloclually, surrondorlng Ill0 

baby sooms tho mosl reasonable. Somo woman's Ill0 slluallons 

dolormlno tho cholco lor Illom; lhoy woirld ralso lholr chlldron I1 

Ihoy could, but lhoy lack lho lamlly supporl or llnanclal Indopoiid. 

ence or tho soclal ncceplanco of lllolr bablos whlch lhoy soo ns 

lmporlanl lo laklng on the lash ol paronling. Somo wnnlon wnnl 

so much lo hoop lholr bablos, lravc such lovlng and lender loollngs 

lor them, but moro than lholr loollngs. Ilioy aro concarnod lor tho 

opporlunlllos lholr bablos wlll hnvo. 

Tho con~ploxlly ol a declslon lo surrondor or rnlso tho child Is 

lnlenslllcd by lho lac1 that It is ollcn mado undor tho normal psy. 

chology slross ol prognancy or poslparlum. It Is ollon undor tho 

slross ol havlng ondod a lovlng rolallonshlp wllh a man. II Is ollon 

mado by molllors who aro yo1 children Illomsolves - who lor tho 

limo must slrugglo wllh tho roallznllon that somo lllo doclslons 

cannot be rovorsed. II le occaslonally mado by a woman who Is so 

lraumallrod by her pregnancy lhal llloro is 1101 the lnlelloclual or 

emollonal slronglh lo mnko any doclslon; sho lets olhore lnlluonco 

her doclslon almosl tolally. 

Rogardloss ol whelhor a woman makos bar doclslon wllh oaso 

or only nllor a lo1 of personal slrugglo. tho surrondor ol hor baby 

lor adopllon needs lo be rocognlzod as a grlol produclng oxporl. 

enco. Tho wqrnnn who surrondcrs her baby has molhorod llor clllld 

Ihroughoul prognancy; she has grown allached lo her baby In tho 

sanrc ways as tho mollior who wlll parent her chlld lor a lllo llmo; 

she has crealod a lllo lo whlch sllo glvos blrlh wllh all of Ibo power 

ol lhal oxporionce, and when sho says goorlbyo lo her baby, sho 

may loo1 all ol the ovorpoworlng omolionn ol tho molhor whoso 

neeborn has died. 

Tho lac1 lhal she has losl hor baby by cholco docs no1 mako I1 

an easlor sapnrallon. In lacl, I1 moy mako lheoxporlence morodll. 

licull lo rosolvo. Her baby lsgono lo hor In tho same physlcnl way, 

bul lor many rollnqulslllng molhors, 1110 dolacllmonl can never bo 

complolo. Tlroto Is always llro wondorlng: Is my baby happy? Woll? 

Loved by hls adoplivo paronls? 

In any work wllh rolinqulshlng molhers, ospoclolly loon molhors, 

you wlll IInd the1 you aro ollen doallng wllh on onllro lamlly's ro. 

sponso lo lllo prognancy. Thoroloro, supporl oxlondcd should bo 

oxlondcd lo the onllro lamlly. Famlly membors, especially parents, 

ollon look lo llie prolesslonal lo guldo and counsel thelr daughlor 

lhrough lhls lllo crisls, or assumpllons aro madons lo whal la host 

wllhoul dlscusr.lng allO1nallvos. Al a llmo wllan lamlly commu. 

nhallon is ossor~llal. (hero may bo none. Theta Is ollon tho leer Illol 

If anyllllng Is snld. I1 wlll n~ako 1110 oxporlonco nloro dllllcull so II 

is best lo say nolhlng. Tills can result In parents belng unawaro 

01 tho dlllicully Ihelr dnughlor tacos and her unsuronoss about any 

dcclslon. Al the sumo llnle, a young molhcr may bo unawaro 

ol hor lamlly'e true leollngs. lholr loollngs ol sadness In lolllng go 

ol a graridclllld, a nolco or nopllow. 

Thls, ol courso. no1 onlv has an lmoacl on lllo doclslon mndo 

Any work wllh rollnqulsl~lny pnronle and lliolr larnllloa should 

no1 bo bosod on 1110 assumpllon ll~al all wlll "Slnrl a now lllo", but 

llrnl 011s oxpcrlanco wlll bo lnla(lral@d 11110 llro lulur0. Wlrollro1 lllo 

oxporlonco can bo rccallcd wllh somo dcgroo ol colnl~ll or orlly 

wllll a lronloridous sonso ol pulnand sodness wlll dcpond lo norno 

oxlonl on tho lypos ol supporl nnd nsslslonco glvon ol tho llmo. 

Whnl nro tho noods ol 1110 loonogo moll~or who plnns lo ourrondor 

hor lnlnnl lor adopllon? 

Llko any oxpoclanl nlolhor, she noods lo llavo pooplo nround her 

who con rclnlo lo her prcnnnncy evporlenco. Llka olhor 1110lllClS 

lnlcrosled lrr undcrslsndlng Itlo procossos 01 pregnancy nrrd cl~~ld. 

blrlh, sllo wants lo learn molhods 01 "laking those salo nnd cam. 

lorloblo exporloncos lor horsoll and hor babo. Sho mny nccd on 

courngomonl lo oxprosr poslllvo loollngs aboul hor prognnncy, lo 

havo somwno who mawcls ol hor body chsngos wllh her, who lakes 

pleasure In soolng tho movomonl ol her baby wllh her, wllo can 

slraro somo sonso 01 joy wllh hor III tho lllo lhal grows wllhln. On 

ll~oolhor hand, sho may nood polmlsslon loexpross nonnllvo fool. 

lngs aboul hor prognailcy or her fcors ol chlldblrlli. Somo relln. 

qulshlng molhcre fool lhal lhoy desorvoony dlscomlorls lnvolvod 

In lhoso oxpetloncos and havo no righl lo try lo malto lhom bollor. 

Speclllc lo 1101 pronnlal caro, tho rellnqulshlng molhor noods 

conllnully ol coro. If she Is golng lo a cllnlc where ooch vlsll sho 

Boos a now rosldonl. a dllloronl doclor, or anoll~or mlrlwllo, llloro 

wlll bo lllllo opporlunlly lor her lo dovolop a rclallonshop wliero 

sho can shnro hor roal loollnge. Ollon, a cllnlc nurso can lnko on 

tho rosponslblllly ol sporldlng some llmo slmply ns a supporl por. 

son wllh an lndlvldual molhor durlng each prenalal vlsll. 

1 

l WISH 

I coirld bo rosponslblo wlll~oul pooplo lolllrig mo how 

lrrosponslblo Ianr. 

Ann 

Caro provldars should be colrcornod wllh: 

a) her soclal and psycl~ologlcal supporl syslcms and rolor hor lo 

spproprlalo groups or agonclos 11 sho Is no1 yo1 lnvolvod wllh 

some program. 

b) Iho lmmonslly ol tho dcclslon she locos, maklng corlnln lhal 

sho has tho bcsl posslblo opporlunlly lo docldo whsl will bo 

bcsl lor hor baby and horsoll, rolcrrlng llor lo npproprlalo coun. 

soling II noodod. 

c) holplng her plan hor labor, birth and poslpnrlurn oxporlencc. In. 

volvlng hor In dcclslons aboul those, spoclllcally dlscusslr~g 

hor loollngs about rolallng lo her bshy durlng tho poslparlum 

porlod, holplng her lo bocomoawnro ol llio options sho has and 

preparing her lor tho poworlul locllngs sho may oxpcrlcnco In 

proparing lo say good.byo lo hor baby. 

Childblrlh cducnllon should bo an npllon lo molhcrs who plan 

lo surrondor lllolr lnlanls. Somoaaonclos andcnro ~rovldcrs host. 

and 111; comlorl wllh llial doclslon, II his an lmpncl on the way tho lalo lo rolor molhcrs lo clllldblrlh ~lossoo, loarlng 1l;al llio clossos 

erocrlonco .-- is dcall wllh In tho luluro. Slnco II Is no1 ooonlv shared wlll ln~10nso I110 dllllcullv 01 lhc cxnerlonco. Thls Is unlorlur~olo 

~ - ~ - ~~ 

~ , - .- 

al tho llnic. It will bo dllllcull lo sllnro In 1110 luluro. Pcrllnps lhls slnco sonslllvoly slruclurid chlldhlrlil classas can ollor rollnqulsh. 

le who1 rnakos rellnqulsl~lng an lnlanl lor adopllon such a lorrlbly lng nrolhors a aonso ol communlly. Involvomenl In classes can 

lraurr~allc or~crlonco. Tho rollnoulshlno molllcr and all orour~d hor ptovldo noollod reossuranco ll~rounl~ shallno con~mon ex~cllanccs 

are oxPoclod lo lor go^. ~ ~ ll~o'adopl~n 

k o rocords thomsolvos, I ~ O lacod by 811 prognanl women. ~11oiae1 111at tiyoung womon WIII sup 

subjrcl Is sealed once II Is over. Tho sndnoss, llin gulll. tho sonso ol rolldol her Inla111 docs no1 suporsodo lho raallly lllnl sho 13 nlolllcr. 

inadequacy. tho grlevlng, tho long.torm paln are prlva~o, hlddon, Ino 1101 clilld In pregnancy and has ncods common lo all oxpoclanl 

proleclod..nll looollon loll as on unlionlod wound. 

moll~ors. 

cant, on rioxl pago

[ 

I 

I 

I 

I 

SUPPORT FOR THE RELlNQUlSlllNG MOTHER 

conl. lronr provlous pngo 

Nnlurolly, rollnquislllng molhors brlng spoclol noods lo child. 

blrlh clossos. Ouosllons concorning body honllng, body lmogo, 

pormanonl changos lhal propnoncy cousos aro ollon nloro moonlnp 

lul lhon whon worklng wllh olhor womon. Ollon ihoy aro nn allompl 

lo dollno opporlunltlos for slgnlllconl rolellonshlps In tho luluro. 

For oramplo, tho loonngo molhorwt~o plans lo surrondor hor lnlonl.. 

ond who osks whelhor slrolch marks ovor go awny, may bo sooklng 

rnoro than cosmellc Informallon. Sllo moy bo asklno wholhor olh. 

or8 wlll have lo know sho hos boon pregnant. Ouosllons nskod 

aboul tho baby, gonollc faclors, 1110 baby's posslblo appoarnnco, 

tho lhlnpa a ncwborn scnsos end lools aro 0180 quosllons lhnl moy 

havo nloro moonlnp than wo would normolly ollrlbulo lo lhom . or 

lhoy may nol. Acllvo llsloillng bocomos an lmporlnnl sklll. 

I1 Is ono lhlno lo work wllh o vouna molllor 0s sho proparas lor 

bltlh, 11 is ollogeillor anolhor lhl& lo lilluonco tho hospllai 0nvlr0n. 

monl In whlch sho wlll olvo blrlh, lo hob sea lo Il lhnt sho wlll on. 

countor In whlch sho $11 glvo bl.1111, lo help BOO lo I1 Ihol sho wlll 

oncounlor o snooorllvo end sonslllvo onvlronmonl. It Is usually 

unronll~llc loe~~ocl tho loonago molhor lo boa slrong consumor, 

wholhor kceolno or olaclno her bobv. For tho youno rollnq~rlshlng 

molhor thori~s ~IIO~' IO ~mo~~onn~ono~~y lo iil~onip~ lo lnlluonco 

hor hoallh care; lor many, It Is almply a mallor of gotllng I1 ovor. 

Nonolheloss, a young molhor who plans lo surrondor hor baby lor 

adopllon soon aller tho blrih brlngs unlquo noods lo tho labor, blrth 

and poalperlurn experlence. 

I) Young molhors aro ollon oxtremoly dlsadvanlogod by hospllal 

pollclos which reslrlcl companions to ono parson. Faced wllh so 

many olhor cholcos. a rollnqulshlng mother should no1 havo lo 

choosa bolwoen tho companlonshlp ol hor pnrenls, hor baby's fa. 

Ihcr onda lralnod "conch" lrorna local chlldblrlh group. 

2) Assumplions should no1 be mode about tho rollnquislllnp lnolh. 

crs car0 or hm lnlanls coro. Sho should bc ollered tho smo opllons 

as olhor molhcrs. Hopolully, "pulling tho molhor lo sloop" ]us1 nood asslslonco In ogoln worklng lhrough her reasons lor her do. 

prior lo or lmmedlaloly aller blrlh Is o lhlng 01 lho past. Upon ad. clslons oboul hor bnby. Hor oronlosl ncod Is lo hovo olllcrs around 

mlsslon lo lhomalornlty unll, asonslllvo stnlf mcmbor should dls l~or who wlll glvo hcr an opporlunlly to folk aboul her lcnllngs .. to 

CUSS wllh tho young molher hor wlshos In rcgards to lnl0racllon hoar hor thoughts so conlpleloly Ihal sho go\s o cl~arrco lo know 

wllh hor baby aller blrlh, keeplng In mlnd lhnl hor loolln~s may how she /eels and lo docldo whal wlll bo bosl. Thls Is, of coursc, 

chango 01 lllal llmo. Her doslros lor poslpadum room mn~omonls tho hnrdosl thing of nll. It Is such a Iomplollon lo advlso or lo non. 

should also be dlscussod. 

vorbnlly glvo o nod 01 approval lo ono doclslon or Rnolllcr or lo en. 

3) HOSPIIRI slnll noed to bo ospoclally awaro of tho lmpocf lhelr courngo moro dlscusalon ol lho bonellls ol ono doclslon ovor nn. 

words and ocllons durlng labor and blrltl may havo. Unkind or In. olhor. 

sonslllvo conlmonls, wholllor lnlonllonal or nol, wlll llngor In tho 7) Tho baby's lall~or and grnndpnronls ora oflon sullorlng o grcnl 

mcmoly ol tho molhor .. end Ihoso ihlngs wlll no1 bo soolhod by dool durln~ tho lnbor ond poslparlurn oxpcrlonco. Tlloy ncod OxllO 

long lorn1 rolallonshlp wllh hor chlld. 

srtpporl rind 1110 knowlodgo lllol oltlorsoroavollnblc lo llrrlll. 

4) Rollrrqulshlng rnoll~ors, Ilk0 oll mollinrs, ncod (irnlso lor llrolr 8)Slnll noall lol~n 

sonslllvo lo Itlo roncllons ol olllrrs lowords tho 

work 111 glvlng birlh ond an opporlunlly lo shnro bolh lholr poslllvo rollnqulslllng molllor. If sho Is slaylng In a rcgulor poslparlum rwln. 

nr~d ncgnllvo leclin~s aboul tho oxporlonco. If a young molhor loovcs llra sanslllvlly ol roommnloa cnrlnol olwoys bo dopondad upon. 

Ill@ hospllnl wllhoul havlng hod an opporlunlly lo slloro hor tool. Woll.monnl~~~ frlorlds or lnrr~lly tnombcrs rnay rllnkn ~rpsolllrlg Corll. 

lngs oboul tho oxporlonco, sho may novor hovo an opporlunlly lo monls. Among Itlo loon poor group lhcro Is gonernlly lllllo support 

do so. 

lor plnclng n baby lor adopllon. Bolh yourig n~olhors ond young 

51 Wl~olllor a rnolhor sccs 11or baby or nol, sho Is lnlonsoly lnloroslod lolhors may nood nsslslonco 111 doollng wllli olhoro. 

In her Inlnnl. Sho notrds pcoploaround hor who wlll rocognlzo 1101 9) Rollnqulshlr~g molhors ollon won1 lo hnvo a nlornonlo 01 lllolr 

mntornnl foollnos. Sho noeds tho opporlunlly lo shnro hor prldo In boblos; o plcluro, a smnll cllpplr~g ol hnlr, o copy of 1110 trond or lonl 

har infonl ond 16 hoar hor chlld pralsod. She needs olllors who wlll nrlnl. Thoso doolros sllould bo rccoanlzod n3 norlnal nr~d hoolll~y .. 

sllnrc hot sodncss in savlno oood.by0 10 her baby and who con IlolP nnd lf IIIO~ aro no1 roquoslod, cot1 ho OIICIO~. Irr oddlllon, nlnny 

tlcr cop0 Wllh her loellnos 01 limo. Plnllludos about "lhls bolno nrolhors wish lo sand somolhlng 01 \Ironlsolvos wllh lhclr bobles. 

lor lho bcsl". "havlng olhor cl~lldron", "Illo happlnoss lllol a couplo 0 lollor, on nrllclo ol clollllng, o hondrnado qulll. Sl~eclol arrongo 

wlll llavo In rocelvlng her chlld", aro gonorolly lnopproprlnlo and monls cnn bo rnodo lor lhoss lo bo nlvon lo lI~e ndonllvc onrortts. 

usuolly closo oll o~orlunllos lor tho young molhor lo oxprosa In 1110 1970's 1110 noods 01 1110 ndoillon lrlnd, blrlh~oronls, ndop. 

whal she Is lcollnn end lhlnklng. 

IIvo pnrorlls adoplod chlldron, havo corn0 lnlo illo open. Whal ha3 

8) Tho populor theory that It Is boat 11 o rollnqulslllng molhor doos boon rcvonlod Is 1110 cornploxlly 01 1110 noods 01 1111s lrlod, ncods 

1101 soo her baby Is conlrodlclory lo ovorylhlr~~ lhal Is know nboul whlcll nio ollon In dlrocl opposlllor~ lo ono nnolllor. A mullllrrdo 

.Ira malcrlral lasks 01 pregnancy and llro procoss of grlevlng. TI10 ol ononclos llnvo boon lorrnod .. cnch roprosor~tlr~fl 1tlo';o opposlno 

concorn 111ol a young molhor wlll chongo hor mind nbolrl plo~lng noods. Wllcll~or or 1101 ll~oso ngonclc3 wlll hnvo nn lr~lluonco or1 

her baby nloy bo roollsllc In sonlo cosos, bul II la nlorn llkcly Illel cuironl otlopllorr piocllccs Is yo1 lo ho socn. Wllnl Is ccrlnlrl Is lhnl 

lnlorncllon wlll lead llor to quosllon hor doclslon rolllor thnn chnngo llloro or@ no easy nnswcrs nnd llrul ll~oro wlll ba no p3i111038 SOIU. 

her mlnd. In any ovonl. 11 Is lho young fnolhor's cl~olco. Sho moy 

Il01lS.

w h 

for ady 

I 

, lhlr om 

Several groups ' . 

aid birthparents 

mInvnrAmrm ban aerud 

and mrldltn 

I. ahnn cf.Yt: m and U dla. 

m a mnhmf?lQr llndls Lk ehll. 

drm they nllnfrhk*. 

Are* acoup~ mwc o( at 

Norlhulm ~II~I urrlmm~ty. 

11 YI.(LII. nl-bn SN; mh. 

nn, mtm: 

and Alllam la AWla Run. 

krr. w.m~ 

'".. ".I. 

sh h.d #& WudmdIy lo lk .dcptlon- 

ah. wmm unmanld and wbh b rn rl a 

chlld - bui aUI ... I1 dMnl vtm %c Ibl 

nlm should nmr in hr bbfa lm or hur 

11s tlrsl alnrllrl cry. n dwl M m Wil lhl 

herbbylhddkbmI~8.aldwhNU 

mvrr 1.1 m ndm'b lourn. 

IAtrr lhq tdd kr I1 warn n drl. 

m ndrl wwkrr add th wuld 1-1, Uut 

sn m ~ mum d u I I nm kd bh. 

The mlal win w u Hn. qmn 

laqr, Dlln nmmten. . 

In n4d pnpnwy pu hnve Ulb leelln: 

nl lullma lnldr:' sh up. 'men U* baby b 

ban. and Il'a put hark In mu arm. M 1h1l 

N hare wmtlhln clma la fm body. Yat 

tare a baby. nu( fi pu fir. n up. pu hnrm 

; ndhln:. . . ." h. raa; a h nn. hns (old 

m rlran#er abaul the, 13 1 mku lnr 

8 nww.. 

"Somrllma, mn ta th! dry? nh up. "I 

wake up haldlna . m ~lllw. . 

NOW SIIZ LIVE4 1. a basnilhl ba ln ma 

arrlualvs W. h. hu In kn.a#d dw* 

I CIMI. and pod mmlmk 

1111 L tuwy ard hll." th up. llld 

nd &mp~rre. Nd uMU #he hc lh. chW - 

mw an adult - ah. nm tnr. 

I1 L nd Jmplr Ilrr dn- covld b any. 

vkre wdrr a name. And mn d Ih 

m.01; wh~ A olkr c~ua - h. nac111 

bkm. ard bunsucraU - wrA G har han 

Maw. Nd mr, m( nflrr 1U Uuu wn. 

M1wCIawdmlllkrac4mc4hua-Ihuyrrll 

Ihwlvaa blrlhmo(hm - wtm klm~ 

b UI 

#BY# UD &en M mvcr rub kl m. 

- 

bfruu Vwanda d ndoprcu mmklld b 

dluorer who U*Y em 1rd rhr hm 

lrorktd dwn ~iurll 1d1 In rmd pan. 

Ami roarrn la .Im&. Ih land 

mbny nalurll WrrnII &lllN.d by rmnbn. 

lllAT, MOnL 1118 nqlll.l d.r. bns 

#ad blrlhpannU la lurn lh Ubla. 

"We alrmp 11aumtd they dldnl nmd Lo ihd 

us:' rny8 ow blrlhmdkr. N a lhq 11y: 

Whrl U h. h bkln#l - lihuldnll mkn mnrV 

nv1lIIllsl 

"I bvr Ulr wsy w all b!k .ban 'mOln# 

arnelra anllnblr.'" alp Mnrlhn l{arrh a 

4syenr4ld blrthmdkr. 'da'n doh: &1. ymi 

but ws'n hln: n 

.. 

M m'U b. ~ b k u 

lkm. Im!' Bul why mx, akr aU Uuu 

yrnnl "WI amrm up Ih. rlgM lo ralu au 

rhUd," Illnla u "bu( ml b km. Uum." 

Ow rnornlq ehhl manlh. uo Dlrw M.rm 

amkt la n horrlbla Ihouahl. Wlul U ah. nvw 

md her &u(lh(ul.... . -,;;c,4 sc? 

L,.-., 

rt-*::~+L!-

losxa that.tHey ~ cxperlcnte:; wldowsi.& 

4 hlrth.mothen (unwed ntolhets pllio sup 

: render lhcl/chlld to adoption), and bab 

tered women wlio surer tlie loss ?f.a re&- 

; 

: "AII three groups areseenri hlvlng v~o-'; 

latcd 'socictyls , taboos.,.antI all tlicse. 

' women often SF themselves v vlctlrns of 

! shelr fate, perpetntursolthclrncwcondltlon, 

They arcnlten stlgmatllcd hy soclety 

, tlonshlp.'insll~l 

. or pthcklsC.. ';,'$% . I 

I 

;llle," she sap.: , . . ' 

Sllvcrman explains, :'With rnarrlagq 

comes a 10% of rlghw. Women were con I 

sldcred to hc part of thelr hwhmd's propcrty 

untll tlic advent of tltc women'$ 'grlel, uys Sllvcrman. "Gilcl Is not easlly 

movement I0 ycars ago. Thclr sole func- , 'wrcd.'What rwlly occur6 is chmgc: ~lv. 

'tion wu to serve u wlle, mother and in8 up one's uld ldcntlty and hulldl~l~ a 

home-maker, dlrccre$to become a part of ' new one. The period of ~nournlngicatLc to 

la . nun's wotld," .says Silverman. As ! change 2nd a new xlf.lmage." 

ntorncn's idcntlty wu actilcvcd solely The wldow reall2tr slic cannot return to 

grIwyL!k8rL'-~P . . 

:stage I$ rccognltlon. One nnds new rules, . Newton, 964.Zfl00. For unwcd l~ltthparhccnn~cs 

a new person by .dcvcloplng " cnts, Canccrricd Unlt of 1)lrlll Parcnta, a 

(.new llfe atruclurcs...lt Is a transltlon to a natlr~rlal Rrotrp for liotli motbets and 

- new llfc." r '. fall~crs of clilldre~~ iwrn outsldc r~l nvr-

7 . 

, I ,I0" : THE - ANCHOR-Dlocate . 

of Fall River-Thur. Aug. 21, 1980. 

- 

? i. 

' 

Dr.'&a ud.Muy K q adoption agency wem uncwpera- .-ento are Identical. AdopUve chlltive, 

then rhe would want to hlm dren are luckler in a way. They 

Kk 'bt l , a lawyer to press for the coun . have two sets ol'parents. Howbaby 

@ lor Wm tn-1'70' :!records whlch would 'help her ever, contact between these two 

of my UtUe 

knowiw 

Identify and dlnd you; A very acts of parenh la rare. Frequentwho 

-' 

And @ pmctlul thitlg you mlght do in ,, ly, unllke yourself, tha ~lologi- 

Ulb meintime would be to make . cnl mother,does not wish It. Just 

us he ?'!*at.:?. . sure the agency and court in- as often, the forever parents do 

ma bcr . .: 

, ", holved in the adoption !Iwaya not Want it. 

blobgl* 

' lMgume the ph'losc- had your: current address. .. i If you wduld llke to establlih 

agencies , " 

prevent 

Not every adopted child*wan& j Contact with your. daughter be. 

x to see his blologlcal: parent, ;, 

pamnt 

fore she becomes'. an adult, I 

coming In. :some ,biologlal pamnts ,would; mggest you contact the agency. 

(hs'adopung 

mr-.' prefer no further contact with $ which placed your dld. It can 

:. 

par- : time 'ppmprlatQ. 

. and the .:. YOU~ .love ' for your absent 

the ; child 1s commendable. You muat 

,. 

, fare department of her dcslm to, [ baby for nine mqqtp. . . extend that love to accept the 

locate you. It will contact the The forever paren&, take over ) fact your 

daughter may be delayed or even , ' 

agency where the adoptlon twk, at or shortly after birth. They ; 

place. and find out your name . pmvldd . Ule love,: dlsclpllne, , out to her in your 

'. . 

. . 

!:, and llat addrru."lf md when':' (raining and eduutlon, and they thoughts prayem. - 

It locates you, kfon glvlng her work to develop good hablts. , Qucltlaa f&ly Ur3q md 

': your address, you would bs ask- i They need a f p hand and com. . cbUd w ua lavlted, AdBns 

ed If you would Uke. to bear from:,. plele ~apo~iblllty In thls task. lo the K ~ c/o I &&IOI, 

your daughter. . ':"'.' . "'.' I 

For most chlldreh, the blologl: P.O. Bcn 7, Fd pea, M u 

ig ' If your adult drughtm felt thqi! a, pmnb mnd ths fomver pay. OZ720., . 

1 ... ,. . . . 

. , 

; , : ; ! :.;, . " :-...-- , , , ., .: 

b 

3 . . 

, ,

~.. 

I 

j 

Adoption traumatic for Eagan mother 

AOOPTI0N:lromp. l 

air, hrr 11 ihr lime..' she aid. 

*'nu! a11cr ~hr adnpllon I not e 'how 

could y011'.11llt1d~ lrom ploplr when I 

,old lhcm abnul my dluahltr'1 .doV 

don, lltry aclrd llkc I'd dotlc 

~om~lhln, Brmtlul. I1 I'd done such I 

ntavrrlou~ lhina lor my dauahtcr. rh) 

.a,n't I hdn) praixd In, 11 lnarad "1 

kilg ~reatcd llkt a *itLcd ~11th sho 

didn'o van1 her child?" 

Onrlmhn~l~ srld 1h.l *hilr ir *as 

Its IIIC malrtnlly Lnme. ~hr didn't 

IICC~~C OR). muntrlina .bola rlln. 

nz~lw. Slat %rid,l!r um ~urrm8ndrd 

hy olhrr )otlna unr88rn 11, ihc ram? 

,itarlilln uhn *nr iho hnna rll. 

coura,td 00 wrrc#dtt d8ild8c#t lo 

.d01>I1"11. 

Nos ihr! (isdr!tbrrh 1% In8ol\rd in 

Cllll. she hn, lou~>d O!DI lhrl m=!v 

,11111 u.1.111 I,, I,., lI,"lli"" 1111 111~ 

'an,< ray. 

"I'III 01 aha1 CUlldnc% is lrre plo 

10 adopll~ln A na,ionridr wnry ol 

CUll mcn?krs rrwalrd III#I ~DV~CIDI 

01 llmcm ha-c no, had nnvlhrv cPIIJ 

lin'r lltrl, firu rhdd uas idopld. 

Allrr N~chobl ma\ hotn. Gurkm. 

-3, llor nllly nttr rltcl lrll ,he had brrn barb uns dnnrnond lo bc lhr h

- 1 

it :A 

! . The Dalv Califmian 

I~E nrnrtl ANNOUNCEMEKP pmclalmtd, "we 

have a mlchln aIr of the rvlesl bahle: any. 

mhnreIa' YDU m5R1 a ~nt ~tut*a not m unwo.1 

'1 mmr to aw>n the advat 01 Iwln*. And 

MU'^ bcrlhl. DuI 1I.a whll'a Imld8 lhat make: lhllclrd 

I 

!"I dld pl& &m for adoptton. 1 mer ui them , 

bceauu 11 I d~d ~'d never t ~vs 'em up." 

' Who they were 18, Olllle Jolnd lwoor~~nlullonn lhrl : 

help pmpls :earth for adopled famlly membcn md blrUl 

plrmli. But, aUll ahe kcpl her march actlvllln la a , 

mlnlmum. . . 

"1 dldn't want la do lm much k auu I dldn'l want la .! 

Interlem wllh thrlr home llfe. 

thrp w m 11, thry ware let11 age w I dulded 

10 mlly itarl Imkln8." 

6hc k1me more 1cUvc In the organlullona and wllh 

' lhsrnorale ~upprlol hcr tldnl dbuthler. a 

26, she lnfonallqn m how lo *Y!%: 

. manil 

K ' ' "On MWI~Y. S~DI. 11. we wrnt out trltd IO ~oea~a 

dlffercnl :p(m Id flndiut lhrlr name:. turdry. Pam 

nfm. Jmna bucrof Fan Dlrto. rlarlcd makln 

calla and betwcrn the Iro (Irll ln lour d19 1 ha! 

' I N ADDITION 1Y) the two nrw;y dl:cnvertd l*lna and . 

'Pam. Bllllc hu a Ibyear.ald dluphler nlcknnmtd I 

Crlctclt. Ihs lour :l:tcn and Blltlc #alhcml at Blllla'a 

. home and were rnakln up lor lost llme wllh lhrlr 

adnuled arerullon. &ny've bcm complrln, &In, . 

.. numbcrr and nmm: Lm. 

I 

' "~ni'namn. 1 had [lvm ~a;m 

lhs name,pl Joy 

bllubclh and her mother namtd hor Karen Joy. 

1 : Karen added: "We ml Vrldny. Who I wrnt la work 

8alurdnv. 1 r1r In a alale 01 shock. 1 was tlke I urmblc. 

And 1 via lslkln lo a few of my frlrnd: 1od.y and they 

ar1u:lly had chxlfs of Joy bcrauaa lhcy nn.1 bcllcvr lhal 

wa met our wWr. I mean II'I (Km 2lyt:nl I )us1 lhlnk 

ll'a nrcal.

dl&nantr : &ttna~rtr! 

Sunday, Nuvarnber 9, 1980-IJc 

'- 

',(Coalloeed from pege 1C) 

The~hlldren'sHome Scclety ofllce 

In Pensacola handled lhc adopllon. 

"I have r law er who Is dealln 

wllh lhc agency n Penancola," sel 

Mrs. Draughon. 'They told me In Au- 

z ! 

gust bey couldn't flnd out (he whereabouts 

ol (he rdopuve parents. But 

'the liut tlmq my lawyer contacted 

c lhem;theg spld they would tr): one . 

more lhlng lo try to flnd lhem. 

Mrs. Draughon is sUll waltlng to 

hear from the agency. Her lawyer de- 

: cllncd to comment on the case. ' 

Amrdlng Lo a legal spokesman, If 

the enc Is unable to locate the 

adoptfvo Jmll tho couM wlll be 

j the next step. T& attorne snld there 

, was a good chance Ulal a fudge could 

order the informallon released dl- 

, rectly to Mrs. Draughon, to conduct 

her own search.. 

, Mennwhlle. Mrs. Draughon haa organlzed 

a Tnllahnscc branch of Con-. 

cerncd Unlled Dl& Parents (CUB) 

. , - . . . - - . . - - . 

The grou is a nallonal, non.profll 

Rupporl ancfndvococ grou for parcnls 

who have been Lrced Poaurrcn. 

der thelr chlldren for adopllon. 

CUB was formcd In '70 lo sup ort 

, the rl h(s ol ado tees to ohtaln thr 

hlrlh \lalory an# thelr nslural perenh' 

Idenllly. 

Ilowcvcr, It la not a search orgnnl. 

znllon,olflclals sny. CUD'apurposcis 

' 

to edu~atc parents on wa a lo search 

! ,for lholr chlldren and on tow to deal 

wllh rgc~clcd and support groups. 

' "I ot involved wlth CUD beeause 1 . ' I . 

woul! Ilk6 to help educate eoplc 

ahul how adopllon uscd to i e and 

how natural blrth parents feel now - 

whal KC are golng through," snld - 

Mrs. Draughon. 

Florence Roqs, dlrcclor of Chlldrcn'r 

Home Society In Tnllahasce. 

safd her a ency understood those 

1. elln s. agency provldes fro! 

couns.&ng for parenla who wlsh Lo 

contact lhc chlldren they put up for 

adopllon. to let lhem know whal to 

expecl, she sald. 

'I fnl that It Is sod when a ... 

mother baa been 'forccd' to place a 

cl~lld for adopllon," Mrs. Ros snld. 

"Yet, 1 thlnk she has Lo re~nembcr the 

chlld and the edopU,ve parenla and 

lhelr fnllngs!' 

Mrs. Ross said the egenc dld eve 

lblo to make a dY optlon In. 

~~~%%?nvallnble to ndopllvo , C.LB 

parents, and to help edopllvo pnrcnla 

and natural pnrenla conlacl cnch 0th- 

Is lhe reunlon ofa chlld wllh hls 

nolural molher odvlsnhlel Yrs, says 

Mrs. Drauahon, who clles advlca 

froni profKqlonnl.plonnls. 

Maybe, snys Mrs. Ross - and 

maybe not. The reunion of n lccn- I ; 

oger wllh hls nntural molher could be . .. 

u ~clllng If the chlld wasn't ready, 

sk snld. ! 

: For now, there laJua1 more waltlnp 

and more wondcrln~ for Mrs. 

Draughon. She snys she wlll not glvp 

up her scnrch. 

St'hW-1 t

U~"11~1* 

- 

L:110c11c %ltc9irrf c ~ - & ~ ~ l ~ ~ 

Life 

EUGENE. OREGON. WEDNCSDAY. AUGUST I@. 1111 

Classified 

Mothers are looking 

for the lost children 

they gave up at birth 

In search 

1P

I~.,G: 

uaq! wa~!~og~~.!wa.wa*~ ttwhFin,d 

old. end.r!rd lrom nrr IIN~I" 1" in au~efe 

mmttm,tr ward in 6.-M. rd.r:'~ ur mr dwtnwr OD 

A I~.d.n~a~~r.Maqlslynrd wl*nrrlon~l.lshm; 

be, tblld 10 .UaIe .dOntlon IIDW - m *flOlCllli 

18. mon tllr~rn~ and pi~nlvl pmar me bu en: 

e.PI,w.ma 

No. 1 IS. whtn Me 1wL101be1 ~IuBI~II, hn 

Imre Ubnon mrlpr=uon 01 lnlq bnlldemml 

-1 wnnt 10 hno. Ilshr's dlrt. 1 rlnl lo know her a 

aii Indlvld~nl." Maql son. 'Eveqonr on inor my 

dl~1hCr but me: 

nw yrrn.no.unexplune4 hts~chs nauya.de 

prelIlam and Y1r1e tmOlloMI ploblem~ If4 her O 

~11chahenpI. A110. I~-YIIIOIII#~~ htt rou* 

*I01 mndvdtd IUI many ol her problem mt 

c a d Or eomW,td lrrlmgr Nl'rWMlw the bdop 

lMO1 bcl4.uthl.l. 

la met (L.M adoplm mod lhrlr blolodml wr. 

r.u mrt drnlm lnsmlr~n lhl rout4 ntlp lnrm b 

cote ma mmdlrr. 

. 

. - . 

U.lrmlt). 0Idr.l Job. Iakewlli-k -.I ibvld, 1r.b bl.m.lkr .IIb klp *I a c..lm*r.l aIbr.*Ih b.m.1 ~w.'br up.1 .I b.rl.# b11 n.1b.r. 

-lBIolodm11 pnna snnl alnld 10 ~lhmbmt 11 

.nm~c.".he mn '11 lad lo b. . ula .. . h-~wh 

-.. 

- 

mint- wrmtor(, btn~r mn awn. mmmbfn her W~~I'I ~IION IO t~md btr dna~h~cr barn wn I- 

m*Cr nD1.u art M( lo IPU IRC mWmn W ra rlblll% tiow a Eunnc rald~L Uarrl b nnMty 

mdOp(4 

wfk on bw wtrs lbw 

lor thc UanNIy 01 011. 

Fwndrd In InI. OARA b r lvppon m p lor , lm 10 IURM. hat zc 

by HEIDI SWlLLlNGER 

pholos by 

HARLEY SOLTES 

.* O.II"(LM 

'It3 too easy to forget the past' 

- ' Biological mother keeps in touch under 'open adoption' 

El, ,h ,,1,,,,, p,d 

A l,r, 

EINNE AND IOllN E!lr101 Lvnnr Wed ~ c smM~t l m.4 PemUlnu -1 Eldnl ledlnl lhal I1 .u n*l lo a07 Junnr Ultr 

lo have a stma alld lor three yran Lr .rnl anYDodrl bby bsndcd lo me and bur, up 

IN* they m d r d I~O~II~AIICI 01.6~ mu bbr an k ran: snlar f tar* msvs 

mey ,prnl IHnmkr lrrlq to .o,h 

lnt the b e . uty drtldtd 10 punue an -ma .M Ibc wnauwanad:Mru)l.'l wouldn'l 

," ,dwpUa mnlmel, 'It *m 

.dopllm.- ma .awl mmqtmml In wbl6 Uvr .doP(rd~Ulnh." 

~~nlb: she Y* .Mnq w w l sure 01 *h.l 

Ibe btaW~11 mmtr hu mmht mnud WID 

Mew'n1f4~- 

~bc P~IIY IP~I b m ~ her t ch114. BUI memt~y am yun em. m UIIIO~I. 

'II', urn 1. urr , chlla mol ht,, " N O Urn4 Ma. Pom8r1 c.II$d and uld ' Renlldnl lhl uck 01 iln.ntlal suppan IS 

.m,e .r,ll,~r..d W" lo,lcl M.D bard omu~%e Elien trom a nvlul ant" I -0 Ihnlm~benUrruprhlldrcnlor 

,,,,(. Yn )c,nm El.,. ,,,, , 

I*M. O* =zvIrlnrd Uul Me CWldn'l bundl* rdwlon. the EIL~ 01Rlrd lo suppn MSV 11 

wmn bwn rommlljrd lo lbl ldta llul .dmpl.d the am 01 wntlavlw bcr tduc~llon vblle me vnnlcd I. ,ul.l .ion.. 

chll4Rh Luvc 1 nlbl lo bnor ihclf b101wIc11 

Ln2;mT$azd2$:,z ~ ~ Ellrr ~ mslb ~ lh.1 Eiorman t slrumIM : b.10,. 

prenu 

~ ~ 

l1ther klon knr. mr ru prclnml ,d h.1 decfifion 10 the Eultne CouPIe 

Tmtbtr rub KC^. Ihtlr il.)rrnr old dnvgh. no lonrr me. bow ~oconuc~ h~m. 

tent mtr b8by:She m.4 the umr pfoblrmr u 

1c1. lbt Ellen pyl a 11.~1 deal ol tlmc Into lnlonr who llra up I rhlld lor ~doptbn." me 

plmnlnlm idoplm lbal rouldousa he ICUI The Ellen tnrlltd Maw mna Ann11 10 nrlf Yn. -NowcUlwld rluraclerl2r It U. bbppy 

tnum for lomlnd - thr chlt.& the nrr CaMw nab 'I n.6 an Inlalrrr 

Term 11 OPCN.P&t. C

~~ ~. 

~~ .... 

~ . 

-One of the lhlnn rm m a srnld * 

k lhll my drumcr *I11 harr # p n 

roncelrm nulon ol -ha1 t am - a 

Ihrmlenlnu wm4 a bnd .omam - 

rhth could p~vcnl hlr tom mn 

4lnR I0 cllablbh mmmudmllon r111 

me." Pyl U.,yl. 

lheulrrh for her davlhlrr hu 1In. 

d1N Mnwll anwr &I 1 ~ and 1 nf.1 

IYUenn hat Me nn Imk her b.b, 

Imm her .hen she .u Ntncnbl. and 

lhll nor relux lo pwlde any info-. 

110" DboUl Imerhlld 

. .~. 

dldn'l billere rhc rwld nlw the blby 

.lane. She 1eI1 svppon lor no deblo. 

bY1 Idomlo". 

Althwb MaqI 1." 1 bop 01 a 

rmaon .uh nrr uauylltr. rbr hu no 

exmctall~mt about the mlmme or rvro 

I mcnlnp. 

"I**1 

my dnvalrr lo makt her 

rhnlrc lo merl me." Mc urn 'If Me 

dfln makc 11. me m y not 111s me. I 

mov nd lllr her. Rne. Whatever htp 

r~n* bryand lhr inltlrl nrd lo us each 

"lh*, is l ptc4rcl 01 our *.I"".- 

hl~vln only rrcoune 1, ~n hare hrr 

%?me plwrd cm srtnlvlm 01 nlrnrln 

*lnlllill I0 OARA, and how tarn h.r 

d.~u~nl?c .Ill d, umc. 

Nlllw(b Rkhd 1lndrrrUM1 amd 

~ympolbl~ .Ila I blolollal mban 

N~~WIIIY a011 her call4 he belle.)^^ 

1111 hn-rb. -111 Mt 0 111 ddrlq force In 

va I n@l& hb .dop(~rs p.mu 

.hen Runell ru 15 llrkd off I dwm 

-I'W IntJ lo pul mrvllm 1st pal. 

t~nnula 1))"ro~ woman rnoe~p,,,. 

namt and .onnout I hu~hn,~: he Y+ 

-Wh*l .re )oil cholcnln O$$? 

-nbll ~uus.~ brr and .ondrrwmr 

I8me .hat 01 .OM DI #.he If I C had 

m8tm marrttd rr ~f or d ntvd me on 

m00.n - 

Even Inn ho.erer. he .u nluud 

Ibr mlorm.uon nrrmrq lo cam on 

Iht wllch hlmwll. I~lesd. Ihr aldc 

IrmMua llalan al.rm lahn ind mu 

M~II, enabla~lni 1h.1 rmh rere e. 

Rf I0 StC O M MOlhtL 

aubln spmter. rdwlon u ~ l c u 

MWr br 011161~1'1 Ymtn 014. 

no# ~Slkm, uys hrr innw nu no. 

er u s m n l la bbwol and 1dW 

I!* p m ID ~ know w anancr. ' ~hb 

11 m l a u mddlve prem rrnlly 

dm1 .au- Shr nn. mcr ran1 lhr 

cblld Ink. pn01 Iwlr hmlly:' llow. 

rm. Sex*, un tbr ncenn rovld 

1l.n In New-~rh 

erphlw (ha1 h;v8nl Fnn admlu 1h.I lb nrsl monlns 

mInO .(In John lhltm Irrmendou. I- N Angctr .re imumr!nL "For 

butden 01 w,Il lmm irr uoulden-11, ar rvll w mtnr a -% alrd loc nw 

' ~IWIID~YW can never forge.- I~C IO IUI o(madn, her ~ IIQ hlary:.~~ 

np.'lclnlMl thlld. I bole hlm. IIes urn 

y0un.o rmllrr .MI." 

Bll l rlU 1- lbc WMr itnl 

W nedls hll mdhrr bar CNbld sm~nb. Eller kiln 10 rrr ihc nlue 

. Job0 10 In, MIIy,hm 10 ,"I. 01 W d Wmntlnc 'Il'r bwn very 

-I ,n,th~nL. '-P.lhlLm she urn -1.1 brrn *r)' 

mwlr he mn -1 hm.. hat., ~~. rh.t ImmloAnblD" 

10 Im. ba blolsl(n1 molbrr. 'For a fo.dlnirny miher nu done for me. IIZ O. , b,~,em imp pnrcntont 

la momentb'br rmlk 1 Ihouwl 1,. rel~Y4 me and .Ilo*M me lo b on Wlso(o0lnldomloo~retmnfmOYL 

nllm~IIy Iblnl kncr: that maybe Ulne nu ram, -111 my a n lltr. 

1 ~ ahare l lo h nrrylllnu 110 

-11 m lor ultlmle n-erd when I ~-,.-*~p-rrmol hrrran h 

mild Inlo hrr bpmmmt and lmaN ,.m- ,ed nunrred brahrrmple 

-bra .*.ha I 1-1 u,r la~lrcnrr bar. lo urr "mole mwlnlnc- r8lulb.r 

~~ . " .-.. I s l -1 Ilk1 ONII~ bet. tell 1.k I .U home" 

rein am, RWI bymn urrrm I~.I 

1- run hlm up amlM one mdbbtl 

Several organizations offer 

help in tracing adoptions 

Every nnle exctnl Kern sub 

scnbn 10 dm .urrpllon record law. 

arcordlw lo Flormcc Flsncr, lounder 

01 lhl Nl. YDIbbUed Adoplee'l LIMV 

Iy Mmrmrnl Aaasllan. 

RthomV9 I bllllhal rtwnlly lallrd 

In CDllRRD would hale nllblllhd I 

MIION1 10 .Id .doplr" COIWYlclllCd and oalurol Iq%$Iq prcnu lyutm in 

Ihelr warme 10, one anolhrr. 

. m m 

. 

rnonc HUII~. 

~d~lnt~re nlenu marl* 

110". PO 6". 1111. Olar.n*n @lRll 

w e n , Uwny Movtrn~nt w 

dalla.PO i)al 131. Wasbln#lun Urld~c 

S~IIUL lie- Vnrl. N.Y. lwll. Phone. 

11121$11IW. 

raremcd Unllrd ~lrlm~ar~ni~ 

nrhn uw rhr'l lad 11 InllM. sbc callllh* blll"a bonr yo~lhm.wmmns Pn h. $11, hllllald. Dlnv 011S1 

rnnr *DWI~R. 10 rrrxr a rertc~ry in I'hnnr IY)I# 14s.lf44. 

. 

II~Y of om. rrrnlds I* ~l~rulous: 

IN~lLllmhll SOYDII~I Rrvnlnn 

N . Y ~ ~ ~ , ~ o,IIon ~ ~ ~ ~ Remum. , PO. nn~ 1111. 1:rmn l'lly. 

tlvr r,rrrmnl,vr, tI*f I9:JI Entlrnc I ulfaddrtmCU 

r.n ,he nrerrn i..,.~.,~,. . sl*mpn-vrlnw.

. , 

, : .a,.[: . .: 

----- . . 

, ' 8 ' . . 

. - . . . . .. . . ;. 

Copyri~l110 1911 The Ncw York Times . 

: Sunday, February 

,.. . . 21, 1982 -.. 

mnlncl who mlehl be oblc to help her 

'. scorch for herm. 

lnlplc ~uly,ihcadoptlvc fothcr, sllP 

. plnylng hls rule, mcl the search can- 

(act lo get ldcnllfglng lnformntlon (for > 

a fce of $350 . When dnlb oboul the 

son's ndopl J nnmc and current nd. 

. dress were cvcntunlly hnndcd to him, 

. . a WNBC-N cnmcrn crcw nnd the 

show's pduccr dcsccndcd npn ihc 

two, hoplng to snnre "Jrtck." Ilow. 

over, they acre dlrapplnlcd \v):m 

met Insrend by n nnlurnl molhcr ncl. 

Ingnsnn lnlerrncdlary. 

In Augr~rt nnd Novernbcr. \VNDC 

TV slmwcd two luur-pnrl scgmcnls on 

ndopllon rcforrn dlorts nnd thc \.lc?ir 

of 111or;c who nrc fl~l~tlng nny ch?ncc. 

111 Ociokr, tIrcr.c iSi3s n "Tdny"shew 

scgmcnt oboul the ndopllon reform 

controvrrsy, lhc progrnm hnvlng bccn 

spnrkcd by the evcnls anloldlng In 

, .. 

. . 

' dcmnndcd thclr right to knowldge of 

. .. ... . 

b,'.r. 

I 

' 

lhc health nnd wcll.belng of thesons or . 

.. f zc s RyALISOfiWARd , " !:?or lnformnt~on need& to find her dauehlers lhv had lost lo ndoptla. 

. .% . .$doughier, m~ ~ ~ ~ I S S Icoupled, O ~ , 

~ C wcreloln@j Y by a nulnberof ndop 

yhltha flurry of olhcr re~ullon stories in and ddollvc Pbmnfs In' demnnd- 

N THE lasi 81% months, newspn- 

. 

Jcney, elarmed adopllvq parent. lnglhnt the Atlorncy Gcnernl red1rm.x ! 

Per afllcles, lcltcn-l@th~lt'Jr .; I bupsnnd necnclmnll ovcrlhestnte. hls lnvestlgnllon to the nbusw and . 

mhrm nnd f0levfslm have 

m,,,klng that they could put a stop prnctlces of the s~ntc's anopllon needen11 

wllh the WnlmvCrSY over 

-,t,,,~nctfv~~y~~cstn[e,nn~dop cles nnd invcstignlc the IncqulUw of / 

reform. Even chose 1101 i* I .--llvccouplo from ~ ~ NOW ~emcy ~ j l ~cw~crscy's h ndopllonsystem. 

~ ~ 

the ndoptlon triangle hove . i 

vmundd ,he hwbnndts - a , In Ndvember. Ronnld-Buclhlnnf 

.,,becorn0 awnre of the fight 10 make , j 

'- 

mmnn had lvcn up her own son . nn ndoptrc who hndlKlpxl ~unllcu 

,ado Iron morcopcn nnd humnns; ': for adoptlm an % who now llves in . olhcra find Innllly mcmbcn lost lo 

Tfie bnllle hns Includcd a deccptlon , : Tuu-tosharrh*r lnfonntla WIUI ) .- atl.fpg~lnF4~w lency, plnnded p,uiIty 

nlmcd by 

cri.wl lhe can-?. ' aem so !hey could d ~elve those 11% 

*,3Llcllon of nn adoptee for havly used::. jwlv4 ln scnrchln in New Jersep 

loone count ofofllclal mls&nd"ct. AS 

- 

:.a his plsltlon 10 obtain sealed 

a smto employee, he hnd wed hll 

0 0Ptlon. me cpusln wns to1 d that If she real g 

': hformntfOn well*nttended pub crcden"olsin nn~mnut~~ol-trcd mnnncr 

,: 

loved fie son she sumnderl 12 ye- . to gnln access 10 scald adoptlon 

f..llc henrlng on nn ~ sscmbl~ bill 10 open. !! would mpcmte. rcco&. : 

ndopllon rrcords lo ndult adoptees Inlate June, thendoptlvep~&ls al- , 

bornlnNcwJerscy. 

At his scntcnclng in ~eccmber.Mr. 

' ' - ;: 

tended n cer munscllng mwtlne in ' Duchrnnm wns llned only tJ.W, per- 

.li: ' A malor forto behind adopllon m- ,! I 01 Conccrncd Unllcd Blrth- , 

:. P 

form in the slate is (he presence of 

I 

. hop becausc the judge undemtmd 

pnmu. mey mnsqucladcd tw 8 

'~'"~ve~ vocnl Or~onlmtiO* 

why an adoptce could wmt so deeply 

' 

grlevlng molhcr and her su~Pofllve : 

:who surmndercd lhclr children lor 

to hclpoll~cra flnd Ule mlsslng pnm of 

wuse soeklng lo flnd lllc son she hnd , thcmselvm. 

:,.'ndopllon. Rcgnrdless of the outcome, , lost to ndop,~~n 12 y9sm hefore. 'rhey AlUlough tho flne was smnll, the i 

J hdopt~on In N ~ W Jersey wit! never be ., 1 - ,ern in thelr ~ I C C C ~ I by ~ O ~ nntty wns grent: Mr. Duchmnnn lost ' 

i:: lhcsnme. . WNOC-7V nnd Delty funlcss, herself ~lhhl~~ob~ndhlsprnslon. 

.-;;. Then? his 'been much ~ubllclly 

I 

~ndnl.l~,.cernn~mother, . ' 

* about odopt- and their nnturnl 

Onc wcck before thc scnlenclng, a 

. Wcnrlng hlddcn mlcruphonu, the 

mofiershnvln8foundcncholherwl* 

p~~bllc hcnring nnr hcld In Trenton on 

bdoplive paren& lnpcd the C.U.B, 

;;.'out hnblng gonc through agency 

r\s$embly Dlll 2051, nhlch dcnll wllh 

chnn- " members' angulsh. The "grlcvlne opcn wrds for adult ado I-1:s. 

- k. 

' :-inela. ~l~~oughrnost PP!~ empa- - moficr" played hcr pntt well, CvCn 

.! .: thlzewith 

scmblymnn Gcorge J. 0tfo;VSkl of 

0 person's need and right to sh~d~ngcrocod~lc~cnnfori~ernoncx- : 

llnk up with hls or her llncsge, mnny pcrih ~mboy, cllnlrman oftl~e 1nst11u. 

. Lstentlmlson, 

'- s~(hers-cs~l"llY ndo~llonnEcnclu . 

tlons, llenllh and Wclfnrc Comtnlttcc, 

she wnr glven Ulc nddrcss 01 Od- . snld.(h:,t the leglslntors llnd r'xx1r.d 

.:I; nnd ~flop~l~c pnrcnls who fear ope* ; a scnrch nnd supprl Crollp for mom mnll on lhnl me :-llle thin on 

.-;h~3s 111 nc13pllon .- flellt ndopllon rb ~~~~nvrhobavclo?tc1111dt~nl0~~~~ 

Iprmt~r-~ll~ and ntlll. 

11-n, la t~!~Jlllnn, l:ccn~~~o C.U.0, ) ,y. rlly olhcr blll In tl~c he . :111,ly's l,lrto. 

;.;I' hsl l.!~~tI~:r's n:~g, n Jctscy mcrn~cr;llovc nalrlrnl ryl,rpnllly for 

 

C(I !) 

[&r~ np/?)F'A'T

~~ 

- 

there In sapprt of opcn records. Thd womnn'a relollonshlp wlth her i 

Womm . -. .-.. whma 

~ 

chlldrcn hnd . been hmbnnd nnd othcr chlldrcn, hcr nbll. ' 

adopted o p rl the ~ bill, not brcnuse , Ity to trust and to lwe nnd hcr ncll- 

It wcnt too nr but becnllse It dld no1 00 lmnge hnve all bccn ncgntlvcly nl. 

far enough. For exnmple, nn Inter- i fccted by loslng her chlld, tlsrlnlly hcr 

; mcdloty w m! d have bccn ulrcd for . nrsl-born, to adopllon nnd by lhc 

a parent senrchlng lor hls "R or cr adult I ."w~wcllng" she war glvm before, 

nonordsughler.) .' ' 

'durlngnnd nttcr the ndoptlon 

I 

Unfortunately, only d thlrd 01 thme She now lcels mom open In tnlklng 

'nchdulcd lo s~eak wcre able lo do so . about hcr expcrlcncc. Sho reads a&. ' 

lnthc tlmepm'vlded, and U wns finnlll ,I :clcs nnd sces tclcvlsla shows about 

dcddcd thnt the blU would not move ; , reunlom bctwcm ndoplm nnd their 

out of wmmltlm. Also, slncc 1I.g span- ' nrolhcn nnd prn 8 thnl one day she, 

.sore 

Albert Burstcln of' loo, wlll bcq'founJ" nlthough s h mny ~ 

Tennfly,dldnol run for rcelccuonlnst ,, 'not feel she Is rcndy to scar& for her 

' ycnr, the mcasure wlll nnd a new . sonor dnughler; 

swnsor before .. any . a~tlon pn be ( Olhcr womcn nctlvcly s6nrch lor 

, liken. : . 8 

. I thclr chlldrcn, no1 to seek cuslody but, 

thou h mmy pcopie can empa-, mlher, to lenrn If thclr chlldrcn nre : 

(him wlJ an adoptcsls rlght to know, . nllve and well nnd tobenvnllnble to* 

chcv ...-...~ 

hnve - dllfl~ltv comnmhcrdlnr lcvlnte the adoptpe's lnevllable fear of 

why a parrnt, nknioften he ~ t ': d jrejccllon: '. .. 

mother, fmls a aimtlar need nnd har I : Mnny womcn feel ;ompel;& to 

1' 

slmllnr rirrht. The molhcrs' pllght IS : scnrch after hcartng trua horror s b 

only now hglnnlng to becomc known, . ' rlaof edopllon abuse, such ns thesuras 

wns tho adopt?' pllght 10 yap; ' ! rendernlchlldahowarbomwllhasb 

MQO. ..--. . ' 

vcrehnndlcnpnotcvidcnl at blr(h.The . 

Thc stemtyped myih is thnt the :'child was ncvcrndoplednnd wns InsUmothcr 

dld not wnnl to kecp her chlld ',' 

, tutionnll~rd; howcvcr, hcr moU~cr wns 

and wns hnppy to glve her bnby to a ncver notlflcd, nllhoudi the nBcncy 

marrlcd couple to mlsc. She wns abls . kncw that sheffanlcd her chlld bock. 

, 

lo get on wllh her Ilfe nnd, 'fxccpt for Other adoplca have bccn.rejccted 

some longing on hlrlhdnya and holl. ' by Utclr ndopUve lnmlllc?,and thrown 

days, never looked bnckon n sorry cpl- back Inlo lhc foslcr-cnre i)r;tem wlIh 

'sodcthot she wnntcd to forget. , 

' - ' 'out the morher'fi over bclng notifled, " 

The womnn lnlcr mnrricd nnd hod evcn lhough she mlght now be nble to 

other chlldrcn, who mnde up for the 

'' 

pmvldc n home forhcr chlld. 

loss of her first chlld. No one kncw Untll agcnclu am mndc nicounlabulthcchlld's 

cxlslence; It was kept able for U~clr nctions and rmllclu. any I 

a dccp secret Muse 

lhe mothcr dld . 

not want nnyonc to know thnt she had 

hngullty of such an lndlscrclloh 

' Even If she wondcrcd how her son or . 

dnukhter war farlng, the womnn h ew ' 

lhal she had entered Into a wnlract 

nnd could no1 wmo. bqck into her 

chlld's llfa 

'Ihe truth - tho rcnllty - 1% qulie 

dlllcrcnt. A lyplcal molhcr wanled 

dcspcratcly to keep her chlld, but war . 

prasurcd and coerced b fnmlly, ' 

frlcnds, clergymen, 6 0 ~ wbrkem' 1 ~ 

nnd soclcty's mores to feel thnt, If she .. 

, rcnlly loved hcrchlld, she hod no nllernatlvc 

tondoptlon. 

She was numbed by the cxnericni i 

of hnvlne to surrcndir lrarentkl rl~hlr wl1hlnn;hort tlmeof h6rbaby's birth. I 

l\s the yam go on, her nngulsh and 8 

~rlevlni 

- bccome more, not less, h ': 

icnse. ' .I 

The womnn is ncvcr nble to get on i 

wllh hcr llfc bccnusc n big pnrt of her I 

Is rnlsslng. She mny ncvcr hnve hod .. 

othcr chlldrcn bccnusc tho trnumn of 

loslng hcr cldld w ~ so s grcnt; rvcn I1 . 

she hos othcr chlldren, lhcy can ncvcr 

1111 Iht rnld thnt thc surrendered chlld 

left behlnd. .. 1 

i 

womnn who'needs lo know lhe imh 

about her cldld wlll be l o w losenrch : 

onherown.. ( .' . .. 

Women llke myself. who have curl- , 

tlnucd to love and hnve wnccrn for our . 

lost chlldren. are tlrcd ofbclnr orebcnted 

as women llvlng In shidbhbas r 

,who dcslrcpmtcctlon nnd anonymity. ; 

We ncver mkcd for or wnntcd the con. 

ndenllallly. whlch Is a basic tenet 01 1 

. Mothers who sakh nn molhcrs 

who cnrc, add WI! recnt bclng pre- 

scnled as sclflsh threnu lo our chll- : 

dren and thclr fnmllles If we wlsh to 

findthem. . I 

We donot regard our chlldkn ar . 

"pmperty" to be slolcn, 111uglrl over or 

'owncd. Nothlng would be mom lrnelc :than hnvlngpaicnls nn$ndopllvc pnr. I 

cnls nt ivnr wllh one nnolher n*hrn, In. 

fact, we shnrcthc mostpreclous band: 

lovcnndconcern for U~csnme chlld. 

Adoptca Ip New Jcrscy nrctold thnt 

thclr records are scaled to pmlcct,Ule 

rlghis of ihc mother. It should be evldcnt 

by now thnt most mothcrs do not 

wmt pmlcctlon end cnnfidcntlnllly 

from thelr own chlldrcn. Llke It or not, 

lscnrches will contln~~e wlthln or out- 

',$ldeogcncy dm~cls. . , 

f , Mnny of tho Issocs Iouctrcd upn In 

New Jersey ndopllrm n!form nre 

mornl, no1 Icgnl, 1?!;11%.nt(:rc Is o Chl. 

ncse prwcrb: "A mnn fnlls b:lck on 

lcgnlltla when hc hns no moral 

groundson whlch toslnnd." 

. I 1 mom opcn nr~d humnne adopllon 

.Is a legal Issue, It Is becnusc wo, iu a 

soclely, hnve codlflcd our blnsa nnd 

I 

lgnornnm. Our laws h Ncw Jency 

m~utbcrhnnged tb ncknowlcdge thnl 

It is pcrfr?Uy nnlurd for Inembers of 

th@ ndolitlon trlnttglc to wnnl to know 

one nnothcr. It Is Imposslblc to ernse 

th'cbondsof molher nnd chlld from the 

rnlnds nnd souls of ndoplccs nnd thclr 

motllcrs. 

In thls ln~pcrlcct world, there wlll 

nlwnys bcn nccd ond a plncc for ndop. 

tlon. . 

Lct IU work to~ethcr to reform our ' 

stnte's ndopUon prnclll.r*. nnd lnws 1 

nlth the end lhol, In UI. Il~turc, ndop. ' 

t~swould reconnlrc thrl~~-~l~~n-r~ol \ 

wllhascnscof belngrcjcctcd, but wlrh 

the knowlcdgc oL who they tmly ore: 

People with ndoptlvcpnrcnlr who love 

thcmdccply, but who wcrenlsoborn lo 

n mothcr whose, lovo wns so grcnt (hat 

she mndc the ulllmutc st(crlfl6e . .. for 

thclrwclfnre. 

- 

a 

Bmk, scorrlt~d/ur, nnd rvus rc~rrlltcd 

wllh, the dorrghlershc lost loodoptlon., 

Slte is o c~~oundcr of Otieinr and a 

ri~embero/C.U.B. s

~~ ~~ . 

IAtworries adoptive 

* I 

a 

on's ... - acnrrh. 

. . "I have a lot of sym athy' for Mary," said 

.. . parents 

. . 

By LaNEDRA CARROLL . ;. 

OnUlIIl tl.N*rw . . . ' thinking, 'Thls is where I belong,"* said Mrs. 

Mary Drau hon who says aho was forced to Tecza, "and then someone comes from nowhere 

pliiiih>~'s~&!~;~option 14 years ago, now is and sa s, 'Thls is the way It really happened! I 

searching for hlm; 

' .think t 6 c child would not be able to understand 

So far, only a group of local arenls who sny It and would feel vcr thrcalcned by It all." 

lhc nrc conccrncd about lhc r own chlldren * Florence Ross, d;rcctor of the Children's 

an d" other "Mary Draughons" has f turned up. Ilome Societ of Florlda in Tallahassee, anid 

The parents ore nmon 30 famllles who her l y y "&llercs it Is not In the chlld's nor 

make up a local grou calk ! Adopllvo Pnrcnts. 

And they are worrlw!becauso of Mrs. Draugh- 

adopt ve parents' best interest" for pcnotlnl 

contact to occur "untll after the adoptce ls,of 

. lenal one!' 

~he"addcd that thc nclmher of nnturnl moth- 

AdricnneTeczn, 013214 $yomlng~oart,."~hen ,em ~ontacllng her offlce foy~ hgp-Jn-loqntlng. , 

':~.llFii?iia-K the lcmptallon was very great their chlldrcn Is very small. . . ' 

to offer her any help I could. But whcn I come Slate adoption laws re ulro that adoptlon 

home and rock my baby to sleep, I thlnk, '.Walt a records be kept confidentla!. Ilowever, the law 

minute. ..."'. says adonlton lnlormatlon can be released umn - 

c--~ 

coirl order.under certain clmurnslances. 

Mrs. Is the'mothcr of Iw0 : Mrs. Draughon, of 1008 Idlewlld Drlve, sald 

chlldrcn. She Is also the chairwoman of Ado 

live 

her ex,eptlol,al because the ,,,edtenl 

who have adopted 

a grou fOrmedto nu~pOrt~eOp!~ lnforrnatlon piovldcd to the adoptlve family 

e 'Idren and !hose colwtder-, docs not Include information about a congenital , 

Ing adoptlon, she says. . : 

'illness that may have been assed from the 

. Mn Tecq andsc~ernl other hcmbirs a h natt~ral father to the chIM TIC lather dW ?f 

expressed coneern for,Maty Draughnn's child. ,, the dlsease, Mrs. Draughon sald. 

.. ~ 

m . , 

, .:. (Contlnaed from pmge ID). . - 'Adopllveparenlsdon'twent ' . 

She wanb the chance to know her, :. , 

lo live the fear.. ,; 

mn ad tell hlm of the disease, she ., lheparentscou,d,ust 

uid. But Mrs. Tea aald she should 

let the agenc handle the matter by , . come and knock on Your door . . . 

ansatne the 7 nformatlon on to the one da~..' 

ido tire arents. 

-- - --- - 

"!thln!~ary should leave 'letter 

wltb the agency (in Pensacola)sothat 

whcn her son becomes 18, he will 

know how to find her,"shesald. "But I 

&Ink he should be Ute one dolnn - the 

neeking. 

'I. 

. . No one else could make the 

decislon about whether that llltle boy 

bpsychologlcally ready LomeelMary 

... Ulanthepnrenls whohavenurtured 

hlm for the onst 13 years," Mrs. Tccm 

Bcrco,an.d ~eckr.-McQ?_~aH 

agrced. 

"You llave to forget about us and 

UIC natural parents and decide what Is 

golng to be bcst for tho child, that's 

what it all amounts to," McDonald. 

mid. 

Mrs. McDonald, one of the founders 

of Adoptlve Parcnts, sald the story of 

Mn. Drauehon's search had caused 

anrlcly among adoptlve pnrenlq. 

"Ado live parents don't want to 

have lo h e with the fear that the parents 

could just come and knock on 

your door ow day,"she sold. 

a If she was the ado tlve parent of 

hon's son, &s . Tecm sold, 

qeerylhlng legally possl- 

~LT 

- 

.. 

,'.. -. .- ., . - -,... . . . . . 

it straigh 

.. I. -.-., stow .-. ~r 

cd that the aon Mary Draughon eve up for adoptlon 

at birth wasbornOct.5,19BB,ln 16 ensscola.Thechlld 

was born lo Mobile, Ala., and wan laced through an 

a enc In Peruacola. Alao, Mrs. Aaughon, of IOOD 

flewi id Drlve, la ~r in toorganire s local hranchol 

Concerned Unltcd 4trtf1 Parenls (CUB). Becauao of 

incorrect lnformatlon suppllcd to TheDemocrat, the 

story slated that Mrs. Draughon already had organ. 

ij 

', 1 wdthcgr0~~ 

yCY 

, b3 

I 

. Ryols &, Schlltz beer dlatrlbutor for Tallnhna- 

.see, was identlficd incorrectly la r atory In Wedncs. 

day'r Democrat. . 

blc lo prevent Mrs. Draughon's 

search. Butshe added that she was not 

, judging the woman. 

"~tissad that anyone has to feelbad 

at thls polnt," ahe said. "But if somebody 

hns to feel Ule sense of loss, it Is 

!~ctter that it be Mary, a 31-ycarald 

woman, than a 14-yenr-old boy. He 

didn't do anything, he didn't choose to 

be utu for adoption." 

Rn. 8eczn said that now, after the 

- srUcle's publlcation, she is alrald to 

talk about the clrcumsldncea of her 

own children's adoptlon. 

"I fear that somebody else Is look- 

. Ing for thclr kld and I might have It,"' 

she said. "I resent that someone could 

lmposcon my famlly like that and thls 

Jsmy famll now. 

"Now, alier.we've formed rclatlonshlps 

wlth our chlldrcn, I resent the 

fact that I have to feel threatened!' . 

--

.-, 

(-ILL 

I . 

. , I 

. ,, ,.., ~. 

: . $ . ';&I 

,-7~ C i/~&:;1'"Cl TV/ 

- > L.f - ,y .b-xl . 

,Local Birtl~parents. , , 

: For~n.Support Group 

\ . 

. . . 

r 

P' ' A suppnrl grot1 lor ~II~~CWIIII hnVc 

glvct~ up il~clr chl d In ndopllotl Is belag 

a torlned 111 Iltls nrffl, it was nnnt~u~tccd 

' Il~ls wcuki . . ' . ' 

I locnl rcprr~et~lnllvc IJJ~ .' 

! ' Arnrltb nt 111. 1, Cnt~leron nlld Illc nc\v 

t l , ~ ~ n p to c s II~IVP ytnc irtf?rt~lnl 

"rap scsalons" In lltc nenr. tulllrc, sllc 

a 

{ 1' slnled. . . ~ 

8; 

, . p.,,: ,One nf lli@ ir~ast lnt~cly i;llrwllnt~a n 

,:: mrcnl call endure Is llvlt~~ wlllltrul 

, . i. &cloiulttg wl~ot~r wl~crcil~rlr clllldl~, cllo 

slnlctl, or II ll lllc cl~lld I!, nllve or tlcnd, 

I;'; lfic tiupport grl~c~p, cnllcd Co~~ccr~~c~l 

!.!. Unlled Dlrll~pnrcals,wlll prnvldc Illc 

I$. ~~pp~rrlu~llly lo cxpress nlld rcsolvc nny 

c;!; Worries blrll~pnrcnla lltn nnllclfiilc It1 

[:I iccklng knawlcdgc or iiclr . nwt~ irur! 

I ;,':',ldcnllty or 111 arnrcl~ll~~ lor kl~~~~vlcdgc , 

I n'mccli~t wltl~ il~clc Ollsprlng.. ; '% 1' 3118 unit a f so ' provldeh n rcauu~~ce lor. : 

'llto~o, crip;erict~clnfl nn u~~llmcl 

,''I prc~fldlccy br n mtnlly crlsls ' wl~lc i"'. t 

'; U~rpnl,etis the loss,ol n chlld lo ntlnpllon. 

I' . 

, . .. ; 

. ; ,.,4 8 ., , . ., 

" '; 

,. 

!I " !/, 8 . . ,. t 

. , 

2 

c. . J', 

. Lci3

. 1 

.... 

. :: ,:. * 

., . . . . 

... . . Sunday. July 5, 1981 The chapel Hill Newspaper 5E : 

., 

., ..T. r.'.i:. :, :,'a 

, .-- ., ,.ied." ,.' ,. ".".!.,.. '. :,.. 

:;'said. Is the possibility that the adopted 

:.. ... .-Miller's response was different. "I .child wlll someday want to contact .-. 

. bounced Into marriage," she sald. "I 

' 

..... . . . . hem. "Parents should want to be pre- .. 

:.%:"needed 

. toprove tomysclf Iwasi'good 'pared. It'stheunpreparedwomen who . .: 

.... girl1- to conform to my parent3 and freak out." -I.:. .. -..' ... ........ 

. .society.- . .,; :. . . ':., - - . . Grandparents also should be' pr& , 

.'. . '.L . It was ten years, however, before . pared, she said. .*I wish there were . 

' 

... 

. she realized she wanted to have chil- 

+ : 

some magic to allow parents to have . . 

. , dren. #'The'bad parent' brand Slicks compassion toward their daughters." - 

with you," she sald.' "Part of it is a Wilson added. She said the inability to ,' : 

' 

. . . feeling of guilt - I felt I shouldbe Suf- .. grieve takes its toll on grandparents; !. 

.... . '. ', .. 

fering." 

. . . _ . .too . . ;;..: 

,.. 

. . . . ..,, 

... 

*.At the time," si~e said, ''we were .Miller has recei;hd several tele- ., 

' . ' told we wouldn't have to recover. We phone calls from "franticw birth. : .......... 

, were supposed to pick up and go on, mothers. "They might not feel so de- ; 

and not go back to the.past. We were sperate If they worked through some 

. .:. .told to Ignore it.,We were bad if we ..Ulingsfirst,tl,shesaid. "Butsofarthey 

.::,.;.'didn't. .., Now, people say, 'If you'd re-1 :have not been given s'pakc or permis-: .;, 

. 'solved it, you wouldn't be digging'it,'.:don tido that.".:.:.e:;"i,;,,,,*i:::::, .:. . :. ..;:..;. 

.... .,..... s. .................. 

:;....".L..-L

I am an adopui. h t r w&. ld. 

hu trm wlM UML'r), Uls Cxpd. 

nu or p.mllng .ac& ol cw ~ um 

chlldm It U WU Md COh 

cam that I addm lrmbgs of UI. 

Y* m u vbw lmsn wrn 

$%d. wth rsme mlhhrlk m 

Mvsh 21. r(b. turn -en la rr 

S p W W Opbh Ply .rUCl* bl 

Abm Wad tbrt m feb. 

1LI 

Ha dr h.w chllh b;Q m. 

Or* &m&r 

uu pro, the ahu 

IWI.I*~~~~WI~~~~IIIO~IQVI 

;w~lhrnlorwcl.~rlonau NmrdUl8Th.nnwubaslplac.A 

p-d (D urb ol IU Imcn. nm. .od absn brvr t n laad ~ hum 

nn. I d d 

t b a r ~ u ~ ~ L b s ~ v & t a i 

A amrlDg -be, d 1dOPllve 

- l8q .a G- d."r),tCZ' npm 

aw hold *Im tbrr nv~d 10 r X i 

cud, .od duem hu msdld lusdl c4 them have a neid 10 &act r16 

1w bmbpumu Lo cur Uva u a 

ntb.%n~imm.a".ad~hwmma.. . Ibls herlug. by mutlnp Ihrlr blerd 

htalthy, rdsUc la r8LII.u 

..: ..,.... ',' 

C~ncz;!lud Unilcd 3irt!,p~rcntr 

5-561 Ann Avenuo 

."The sfarnd bUI would rpl 

Isanother slde Lo it. 

CUB oppose the blll, asking 

11's gotten fa3 I1Who's going pay for it? 

allow the baby into the takes more than S&nhg Baum wmto Lo the lawyer the point that eecrecy Is What if fhepnrrntsarewtof 

house. "You can't hardly do papers Lo forget, "shesald. who hnnded the adoption belng maintained for its own state? What I! we has dl&? 

It on your own, especially Mrs. Colon recenUy found and nsked that he lenve sake." Why can't M adult just have 

when you have a mother her daughter, now named letter for her son Md a MR. Baum sold adoptem thatinfomaUon?'* 

' saying you can't bring it Vlckl. "It wasn't at all plcturcofherinhlsfUes. cannot have access to thelr one of the major lmes 

r home." she sald. cnsy," she sald. "Eventually. I would lke adop~lonfllesevcnnfterthey fighting over the 

] "I lelt tho smnll town that She had n letter put In the to meel hlm and have a full have become adults. She 

ability to transmit mcdlcal 

I Lived in and supposedly udopllon file that she was name and address, but that sald they ore "not allowed to information. Colon 

went Lo vlslt aunts and un- avalloble should her may be tw much to hope lor grow up. They're always a -why should they (the 

I . cles." she sold. "When I daughler ever wont to r)ghtnow,"shesald. Shedld ch~dtothclaw." adoptees) have lo go through 

.:zi think back, I think of all the conlact her. Vlckl dld eon- get some non-idcntifylng Some of Ule changes Mrs. rill the tests and the sulf-g 

...., people who had Lo know. It's tact Mrs. Colon. informntlon about hlm, such Baum. Mrs. Colon, members when they dready how 

;,. not what they said. It's what "The Itrst llme I laked to ns the fact that he hns hls of CUB and members of (a genet[c or mer)ted 

.' , Uley didn'tsay." her, it wns scary," Mn. , drlver's ilcense nnd is inother birth pnrent groups dl,) in their family and 

was really tercstnl in glrls. She aLso would lke Lo see nre more watdforlt?v 

me I found lemed whlch school sub- open adopllo,~. Mrs. Baum 

on 23, she 

She c&d be 

jects he d m well In. .said Ohlo is WorWna on two arranged through the 

COileg~. "My plcture is more of an Housebus atthemoment. ,,doptlon agency (o keep tho 

when her son was born. By married and had a six- internal plcture thm an The flrsl blll would allow anonymity. 11 bath pwe. 

being away lmm home, her monthald son." she said. ext~rnal picture," Mrs. the adopted person nCCesS to are amable, then Ule 

wret woe better kept. She "In today's soclcty. I Baumsald. his orlglnal blrlh certificate agency c ouldt~~&hc~ 

Amtber option both Mrs. Colon, left, and IS. Barn are working lor said only her lmmedtalo would have kept her." Mrs. Through fhe doctar, she md some other adopllon- con~cttheo~erpemn. 

&&dth"unadopw]ed&en." Mm, ad^^^ chjldrenan? ? 

- 

F) ftImliy knew of h"r C0ion "°id. "But I grew UP hmcd her son has not rejotcd materials upon 

placed In ad after a year' the not ndoptedp with d~er who said, 'Do stnried searching for his rrguest, alter the ndoptee A lew groups In the 

tbe blrllr parent should be rctcontacted, and perhaps parental rights ' Pr~~~'c~Ion. 

42, has su,ce as you . e told and don't ask blologlcal mother. She said has reached 21. 

country are working on open 

t married and had other quest1ons:And InSOclCtY, I she's conlcnt to "go slow" The odglnal birth cer- adoptions, lo which 

abould be reinstated* "A lot cao %pen in One year," she "I children, but she conUnued wns a very bad person for lorn whue because he is not tlficatc lfats (he birth contact and lnformatIon 

don't thhk any parent who cNld back." - 0 to lhlnk about her daughter. getllng pregnant and not # yet anadult. ' 

mother's maiden name, date could be pdonbefore the 

(Staff photo by Carol Geeaey) 

$ ' "I guess every the you see being mnrrled. I dldn'l want "A healthy 16- or 17-year- of blN and address at the adoptlon isfbal. 

. I 

..

"I wanled to keep my chlld, 

but was never ollcred 

rcsourccs to do SO" -. 

I utas very pleased lo see the sensl- ! 

live. IIIOU~I~I~UI lc~~ers lrom two adopUvc ; 

rnolliers in !lie February Issue. If more 

adoolive parenb felt as Uiey do. birth 

hoillers would no1 havc lo sutler ns ' 

much. In answer lo some ~SSU~S llley 1 

raised: tllc reason tllat many birth 

motllcrs, including myself, are so biller. . 

is because we were used, because we 

were lied lo. and bccause we Itad no real 

\\'e sympallilze wilh the pain of 

worncn xlio ure inlertile, and know that 

.. . - .. . . . - . . .- . . ,. . .. - 

rnosl adopiivc pa1ent.s see their children I 

as precious individuals, no1 as corn 

modities. Our quarrel is not wilh adopllve i 

parents, who love our chlldren just as we ' 

do. but wilh lhc syslern Lhal views a child 

as a cornmodily. lo be sold w lm perled, 

and warehoused in rosler care If 

-damaged.' 

Like many other young rnollrers. 1 

wanicd lo keep my cliild, bul was never 

ollered rcsourccs lo do so. Adoplion was 

not my'choice-il u.as the only door left 

open alter llrose who woe counseling 

me had slorn~ncd all the others In my 

lace. Tlial this kind 01 thing is sllll happcning 

Is as much of an oulrage ns all Uie 

alleinpts lo remove llie choice of abor. I 

lion l~om women; and yelwhen 11comes 

lo adoplion, arid Its abuse, many wlio are 

prochoice scern no1 lo care, whlle prolile 

groups push lor inore adoptions as a j 

supposed al~crnalivc lo, abortion. The 

reason support groups like Origins (26 

Highland Avenue, Wtiippany. NewJersey' 

07981) must exist 1s because ncbody 

else undcrstands or cares about us.,We 

arc women who have glv& birth, bul do 

not have the right lo call ourselves 

riiolhers. We hove become society's 

gar hage. 

I hope Ihal niore women will!calize 

--... . 

I 

ilia1 tlic lack of choice In adopllon Is ns 

mucli a ferninlsl iss~~e as is abortion, and 

\ha1 lhey will supporl our elloris lo bring , 

openness and tioncsty to the adoption 

SYslem. 

Mary Anne Colrcn 

Wliijj@np;NJ: 

I 

1 

' 

I 

. . 

I read wilh great sndncss the letters 

from women whohad glven up a cliild lor 

ndoplion ('Lellcn? June. 1981). They 

helped me realize that I cannot begin to 

Imagine the greal sulferlng my birth 

mother musl haveexpcrlenced when she 

allowed lotal strangers to wer~ome me 

into Ihcir home 21 years ago.. 

. .Allhough I havc never met my birth 

mollier, stre has a vety special place in 

rny hcaR I love her because slre tiad 

cnough coulage and love lor me to give 

me up. 1 lecognize Ilia1 ltils musl have 

been a vcry painful decision. hul I am 

glad she allowed rnc lo erpericrrcc the 

life and the love my adoplive larnily i 

shores wilh me.

'.. 

t an1 Or, El lrakg:!:h r'nat:.J. t;y (JOC~:Q:::!~ (n binl,:.l;t is ?rt::a :;IC :.:;-,i*;,!r if:;* ,>? 

.. 1 

Pannnylvani 3. 1 ha>;c tan.~ij:~t c:wl!i:?~l :::?on!, l'~.I~~ar~~!21~ ::I-.> nr!r'/:u5 :;7>!!1~?, , L. 

Icd a conaunfty :,.lpport yrwp fur r$r:,yI iinal th, I it!l a ::,ii-:n: ,m:I i bi:.:!!;..i:.?~ :, 

a mnkgr OF tho ,rrloptlcn Forunl oi: rli;) >!r!c.l~lli a Vld ':r:llc2r'.:cd !Jni::d .lit' ::I;I,;,~..!.I~'.;. 

l'%laj* I npc~k as 7 >l~l~yis: !.,lion i :rj thnt a cl~ild~: :.,.!: j':!:i.;Iti:1 ,,i:l~:ti; 

nJcura\ s:ckhur ]la; a bio)~gical b;l.;i; ;:ILL: hesins hl'fll..? J:I":~I. I :::..j?;.,.tJ :. 

pl'otoct this r'clation.:hip From unncc-.:t%./ d i:t.upticr~. 

Enl.1 ior :::;tintony cn illFant i::diilg tilll !r:atCt'tlill c 1 ! 71 1 2 :31.*j 

cn obsur./;lttons of naturnl kthors. TC?ro Is rgasoti to su:pcct tila: ~::.~:::.G:?IIC 20 

a ;uLsti tuto n;othcr dccj not procod~i r; roxii1y. Today's idcptod clii!rlt?11 irc 2': 

psychlotr.fc ard coclol risk un,.olakcd :? tllu t ic:o of placz~nn:, !d,1:1:3..! 1:;)~hf it~*if: 

p;ltiants 1 1 ~ distinct ~ 0 syrrptonq suck F; snn;cpl.~i~~cd d~l~bln ./lsf~~i. I : . 117 

I\.JI'Q not ,dopt-d but cxporlcncod an 2zrl y matornat scpara:io;I .?r3 of>:11 c~.',.l::sly 

tcpaircd in thotr c;lpocl:y for trust ir; lt toch.wr~ts, It is ir~:c~.cst ttlq ':I1 .I:: :::l.nal 

tdu 1 t iK1opteos ofton Fcsl unoa:;y vR;cr? :rust and intimacy aro concwiri:d, .&I/. ji:::~ 

ten have lost 3 mo:horo 

Tvn, n:cn:h: bofol-rt bfrth, o Fczs can rcsponJ 1:o s trcng r,1a:ct'ci3l {lr::n: ion; 

I 

.>y way of Iiornorlu; ,a; ing thr'ough clc ,:lilc$nta. "dul t ~syt.;i i atric ~?i1.!11t: Lq! ;- 

critiu vivid birth ~::pori3ncc,: tho': :a;? { vrl ill tli~i rccc~*ris ol' 12bflt' TI.! :! .!li::.;r,. 

sicggcstiny pl'imdl zc~rarie; of 5iretii, ~tlicr nlrr! child ?ro .311'2sd./ F?i.tili;~. .:.- 2;:c.i 

other 5y tho tin, of bir~il. IF slrc ii ~,:al:o and a8..nru *:hen hu is born si18 ,..!I l 

look For him ar cnco, smiling. opcnly, zc;tittlc in sc!oir.g for tli~ fir.;t :in:o :k: 

child she has cal*l-icd ;o long. l'hctz ts o huslind 3xcit2mnt: "7V1- -- a 3 >.c-y,, ,,:hl: 

alrfght....Lot m hold him." It's a :~..r:rful comnt. .'A hor bi~lsg;~ 113s i~~'+?--i'cd I- 

llor For thts. Sn,;idas :he hormonns :;J: jup?a>r:: prcynancy, nannali?r~ r;oth?ler, !i>w 

3 Final ourpa OF !lormonos just bcFcr= 2irtli 2nd lasti~ig a day or *!in, 

.? hnalthy nc\tbnrn Laky, t~i:h:;: 3nusrhc3iit1 will gar3 c~li~ly I in vIc!a- 

ayad v.okder, in rapt at:zntion. Tha: :;,lie :.ri I I if hcls hul rcncv.od cor11::c': :,i:h 

his r,ot!ior'i istarn bcdy right at birth. ;iar g:.ili skin yivos continuity Lo 111s ;>assag&> 

From the womb. 

The baby's coloriq, bac!y hi13 and terrporamnt c:cro cndc:~od thrcugh 5o:h 

parents' gcras. rhoy can scc! tllomsol es in the chi Id they have borne. Sharcd 

body nlovanants oniianco tho synpathy o+ ?~t'cnt and chi.ld. i;atural Fmi ly mr11kc1-s cm 

roally oxpoct tho child to look like :o OF :lion, bascd cn the biolcg;. of birt:i. 

Thus Itthey identify and readily bard. 33, do ;dtlI t adoptccs search cu: birthp31.nr1tz * 

For, samono ~ I O 1ool:s like nc," ond :La adoptcd child asks, ltilso do I lcol: likc~?" t' 

i 

This prana1;aI, bioloyy-bascd r=iationship botvican natur.11 n:otlior and child 

dosorvos to corn to fruitton, For th- jekc OF both baby. .ltwl nothcr. Tha mosb.zr :dia 

. Fondles har baby closuly For hours in :'73 d9y3 a?t?r birth ;onFcr; ti12 giFt IF ,\ 

psychologic~l ?.ollboing. Such bablcj ;_.nurally :hri..=, ;I:Y~'2~ccm;c:cur> 

?ii,l .zc11- 1 

Pidant. As childran, tlioy have an :a; zIc;so !/a;' with 1:Il~i: atotli?rs. ilic ;O~.:I. ';< 

Is markod vhcn a ncvtborn is isolatud =-XI i:s n:~:l~,~r, b.?yrri.rl thr: Fir:;:. Fcr.1 c!.ly: ..]I: 

IiFo, !hen yivon har baby again, shc 's ;icsltont and cau:icu:, fl:>tilcrs ,.,he .:3r3 

completaly isolated From their prcma::r= babies in tho l~cspicol arc? mra 1il:~ly :n 

abu30 thoni 1ahr on. .In dnptlvo ccx:;? 11so b=y!ns parznticg :ti:tic!~: :l:o ji>l~g; 

. . 

of :his uarly, ?tarn ?ralccm:; 2nd .ad:*; ;?: slbio; !~a-/u L.?ii r::cr:lr :ly asrly ;,.-+a 

thcf~' mo:ltors tiit~cughout thoir iiospi ;:aye I,!ight rlnt ':hi:- 52 :, lrt: .,F tl?c 1.i ;I: 

In doption? 

Evory chili1 dcsorvos :IIII C!~J-,;- rvr 1 .i?cilrc 3t21.t in l if,?. ;urlly XI *jar iy 

poriod OF protoctod intinracy with his ->!.her ;ti I1 tgnoFit an adojtcd clii Id ':-2. ? ~ r 

biolcgical roasonf, no one can I'ully s~jstltut~ Val' thu na!:ur~l i:.o:l:u~. l!: i>ii;li, 

Sincc tho best mcdicai proct ico todaj r~,:pcrL$ uarly ar:c! ~1c3o n;~:r?~.iirll *:3r4.>, jh:.i~l.!~i~ k 

1 - Ella babies t:rholll ta later ednptcd h2.2 ;I,-& t:i?; ;xfvintg? tco? ::i",(ii(lot ibo tirn 

spant rtl th liis tiatural mtlior Pull'i 1 1 ?!s First rc~l ott,:nsliip to : I ~ I J c.2.~~ ity 

For loving others? Tlu ~roblcm vri th :?rsonal gri:F is in not h~liny it, in I:?; 

c0nploting.a lost rolatlon3iilp. 

In :s?i~lg a b~by so scon iron hi; ,I~>L!~ZI., 

,?s is

- - .. # 

. 

c!gn?, rto\~ in >:lopl:ion, Jo no: 1.151: .:uttirig oTT a pl'i1;!?1 i.31;11:i :..:.I, I ..!6~~.: i:. :: .rI 

corn tc 'Prui:ir~n? If: I::% 1: a IW~~JI. is 3 ri?!: Cor .?:!,?,7!:c?: f 1; i': !: i ,, ... Y..: ,I, 

inrant:) I ~ l i: t ::: J i n ~ that i l~i~? 

rrocl 3 p~yo:ili~~;~.i: ,:qint or viovt, rZaii2y iz 71*! '....:I;:o .;i .; , :.':i.:': 

\,cm,yn !!,~tlt 20 s:i,l bli~>ir ?::i.?s, llost bi~~tl~par~r~t: dill IIO!: *:I:I: :. ::.I*,-:,..!:I.'~ ::>,:;* 

\:antad tlioir babiu; nolr. ,.en#! ci i~:okiic~r~z g?i:>F gz~ ~v i ~ v l i ; :: ? :;.I.;II': :.!;I 

:?3n tho baby ;IIO ::oru? ':.:I can 51i? v.clcofi2 anor:ior b?hl i ,: 5113 ;: iz.1' : ;: li~ ::I.! 

Tint, do3;n't knov if i73 ! 1.13d or dizth? 

Consent can bo in?:rand only ::l~cn a ,p-~r;on !:nc:-~; ~:!ia:: sli: i; :l.~i~:!;, i: 'r;: 

sv~tcr~tl mird ad body,~n..' T::? qi: oul:sir.la influ~?i~c,~. T:I> I:.,os~ ;)I.-,'-*::.I of :.:l?,.!i;:g, 

i-cr3, is sc3inq ard cari-; :~r tliu I)aby silo vri l l giva up. 2ut ;!:.: .I.I it: !:net ?!so 

t:io natur.~ of: adoption: '.'? ri.;l.:.~, toncfits anrl altcrnativa;. KI~: ':!I I ::?.11;; 

greatly impr~ovod, in its f'-s? aln to!.rard inForr;,~d consznt,by us3 n? :I.: yuid~li;.=; 

alro.dy nstablisli~d for ~:iiial consan?. .%curatn in7orma':ion ~iic:tl:I L.2 3iaf?n, i r ~ 

crri:iriq ~113a.t of tic:, :3 ?flcaw tlia nr~tcrfal to 11c ab;o;.bod ~nd 1:o -Ini.ii;, ,:~1'ngn3l 

inilucnco. 

Tlio ;a;a scnsfri :.i:: : hicii lircn~ot~s iicr c l~.? :~-.lccc:o -JF '--.' ,,- a S2jy 

. . 

I;::: >i1'5i 

rcr.dor; nanrl y-c!2l ivzrod ::.:::-.21-1 su:i#:cp5 bl.3 {:I,: 

tari: i r171?!~:1;c.?, : 2 I 8' :I~,?;T>?i 

11. 

,231.sonal judy=r,~~nts. 5-. ::-I 3; c3c;~tits arc :..?!:an i:i ::12 I~o.;pi:.~l ::; !?: ,,i 1 I iI..!y': 

50 a .-,ucstion about staff '-.;'lu.~nco, !:o consont shn?rld b.1 valid, :'-:t.'*>i..!, .~;::il ''2 

;i:urs aftor a rImxl:fi3r i;.l'.'i::lorgud 7rnn tho :rospi:al and 1; Crce >? 211 ;~r-gn;.i::;. 

rul aknd clrugs. 

The sponsors ma; i.2 =cr;.m?nd(!d Tor cstabl isiiing ?or (:I12 ?ir;: :in a ::I;I*~;.~I;I 

., 

tim porlcd L9Foro con:*:-: :!3y bo valid. tI~*~.ovor, thrcu dq.; is n7C -,xug:~. 1~1r.3gIi 

S ~ ~ Cdays C i; now tlia t;;.:~l fioslli':aI stay, a r.:oth3rf; r:cov.:ry i; ;:ill ??r?:..:,nt 

ripla la:^. :!cr body, i:; :-ol-.ionsl ;1.2r liorcorrs ii~ic not y.2: r.::c..lrr.:.: ,:Q :h:ila a!;.?- 

natal coldi tion, Today' ;? X\y ctisdlargo prcmo!x?s nol'n3l xt iS;i 29 3': :lo.;..i 3:;d :!:us 

a nor2 r~pirl ~.?covary. 1: so ~JVU: consid~rab13 T.Io.~c~. EVII~ i?Czi :cn d~;'i ?r 

t!.m woks, $ha physical ;:-I: ?n~otional changx i~avs no: P~ll;) s~b.iii?d. 'Cro xrnnl 

,costnatal chockup, rcu'.ix:f gimn at'six vnol~s, dcnonstra:os a mdical conc2n:us 

that Full r3covory cannot :2 oxpactod aarliar. To stri!:o a halancc, b::ca~l;c 1 

baby's Futurc may bo at ;:31:3, I as!: you, as 3 biologist, to provis'3 :ha: no .talid 

:onsent to dgption bc 5:' .:n prior to :hroa ?czks aFtx birth, 7ur:k-~r, :ha: no 

conoont be final ontfl !/??I sFtor tlio six t@ct:r; rccov~t-y ~oricc!. !!i:!i :biz :ir:.c 

pariod a ?roman is lcss 1".=1y to givo a consnnt slio canna: liv3 !ti+:t-,, 

Eac:~ otro OF us I-.::? :cday has only on9 natural Fathor a d noshnr. This is 

imtablo. Th? shculi t= vary cautious .vhan 1: a=" to intcrr.~~~".sach a Cia. 

?afcroncos-ar: lc 10s: 

tlarano, ,lllioug i - ! to :I' I I of: I ;;o~! I I i I r i I ! I 31 , 

. T- 

Scliachtor,ll ot 41, "Enct'~nal probI?ms in tho dopf:oo," - ;. 

~A:c!i.~~i.-:;;c!:. IC, 5 

Staff, It;\ mthcr'i voi:?," ;cicnco $0 1, 39, 

300k5 : 

:ol.rlby, 

. 

J., L?:s: :?C'II;:; !;I:! d-0 .'.2ii ion ( 1: cl,n;o;?t ;\.cis ;.:ri:;, .:) '!xi*:, 13 

Kir!:, 1.1. ,?,.i~i~:i*;o ::i rz. -: *ti 2u:on i h i ::-~.!d >T :,:?-:, ;*J>?~I*:,,T;'':~~, 

Lirkon, G, ,Lo:t and ::,.- , 

3: ::,I$ :l;lol~:io~i :::p::~-i~cc:~, Ji a1 

-. 

I',, 

~icIi,yrrJ~cn,~, 5 GI~:!:,:.?:. ?,-,,l,, ,.:iii IdLmring -its :-!:I .31ic! ?~~!:~.:!I::~~cII::;2~:5~ 

;l;sociation in ,lid ..' :?ipi)lcJ, >j. 

Shnl:r/cr, J., IJ~obil '>I ;I':.:':iun, i'icx!a, 79. 

Sorouky,.l., at al. ;::2 L I i ~ i i::a : 2F:zcLs 3 i th,! ::.I 1::J 1~::i~'d ,J;I 

:'tloptczs, sir tIi Par;- t; ilvl nJojp: ivo rli..?nk;, \ncho~./Llo:~bI :d~j., ;I?.

The local rClorali\,lajority's agenda is centered on a placid woman who hapl~ily 

bears many R-esh-scri~bbed ofFspl.ing in rz moral arltl slmtless spit-level. 

By Hollis Paschen-Anderson 

"God hds bird it tvith tlrr Urritcd the American lattlily back to a placid; D.C." \Yriplit rlsli admits thc "negiltivc 

Srutcs." a yuun,p tnirn says solfly into a n~id.Vict~~ri;~n past. 

int.tge" of the ni~tiorasl orfinnizationarrirrophone 

tt.rtlr tlrc cnntrn/lt*~I pdticricc "Srrcnfithc~i the ntoral lihcr of the cli;~mcs that it is racist tnd anti.Sentitic 

,I/ a tcachcr lecttrrinx nat~glrty childrm. cuantry," thc audicncc at lcrry Fahvcll's persist-has nut helped the hlarylattd 

.'tie won't tvult tntrch longer." 

rally in Reistcrstot~~n was rcccrtrly told, ch;cptcr. 

Undrr ~rntly ~t.avirrg retl, rvhitc, urid "by returning thc lilrnily toGod irnd tr.~di. Uut thc nuin reason the hlaryland 

'hrc ilrcdrrr~rs dt*corirtinl: u Rcirtursro~vn lion." And apparently one kcy to tcslor. chaptcr slacl~encd its tics vltl~ thc na. 

hurch uu~litoriunr, rows olsnarlrcr./~rcrd in^ this tradition is to put hlo~n hack on tiuital org.tnization is \Srright'i dcsirc to 

/nctotors pcrr through tlte tltrrk rrt hugc the "pcdcstal" whcrc she belongs-the focus the ~roup's cncrgies on "p:otectin~" 

tncction screcnr-arrd shrlt urrrcrrily in lrnc located irr~ide the huntc. Wtth vnrm tllc l.~nrily, particularly from Rovcrnmcnt 

irr.ir snrts. Evur~,~rlrsf Irrry Firlncll:~ Dis. cunrpliance, hluni as brood ntare happily inrcrferencc. Using this appeal. \%'right 

.:y.ilick "Amerrcu. )birtc Too Vo~rnx to maititdins a nrurally spotless hunte and succcsslully furnted a coalition ul ttvcnty 

're*-a 5100.000 rttult~ntrtlt~ ruuil show rc~ul.~tly fulls cqu~lly mural hahius, their sin,:lc.issuc pressure groups last yefir, it]. 

rrldtc tvith lrr.~h./irceil yoirng tirrscr.s. tiunthcrs limited only by her bcdtimc cluding an antifc~ninist Christian 

rrnc.rcrccrr prolrrfion, lrrrd a sotrrrillrdck Itc~dacltcs. wontctt's group IConccrncd \Vonien 01 

oloclrng ~rrtlr int~eatii~cr lrrtll utuntic As il to urtdcrlinc sucll ccntral ~OJ~J, An~crica, of rvltich Wright's mo~hcr is 

.tirfis-11ds ci~rrrc lo Uultinrorc. 

1.1mcs Wright of DaviJsunvillc, tltc 23. hldrylarrd chapter prcsidcntl. Catholic ;~nd 

;\ ~ni~l~llc~uxcd \r.urrftm 1vir11 a boeiltrrtr yr;lr.tlld leader of hlaryl~nd'r hloral hlit. hlornion antiabortion groups, and an Or. 

rrJo dulls her eyes as the rrr~rr~ lrt thr i~~rity cl~;rptcr, which was lurn~cd last ful~ 

tltodox fcivisl~ ur~ani:~tion. 

A r cuntirrrres: "Our r~~orolrty 111ls rcnanied his orfian~z~tion tlic F;~niily I'ru. With a singlc~mindcdncss that lras 

vl6d utvoy to Jc,crneruc.v. currrirli~y, tcctiun Lobby in lanuary. Claiming a dr~wn ut~iectilm frclrn malty cvangclical 

1 pt.rvcrrion. Sufun lrcrs l~rrrr~clrc~l im mcntbursltip of liftccn thnusa~td, the grortps as well as Iron1 uther rcligiotrs and 

.rck on rhr ltrrrril~ lrkc never bclorc, gr~rup is cunccntrdting its lohbying cfklrts pnlitical urganiz~~ions, tile lobhy has es. 

dusc ire re~rlizcs I/ rhc f~rrrtily ir ifc. irr Annapolis on "pruldrnily" issues alone, t;~lrlishcd start~~tl~s al otoral rcctitu~lc for 

yrd fhb cotmtry is Jotwr rhc rlririn.' li,chtill~ abortirln, sex cducariurt, am1 jiov. Itlcal and natinnal politici;rns, in clfcct 

crrinicnt intcrlcrcr~ce in "donlcstic titat- e~ltrarinl: with ,q~rdlcsst~css any opposinp 

~lancc at the daily paper rc\.c;~ls a tets." pl~siti~rrtts UI i>stlcs rai~ging lruirt abortion 

:clrning public dissatisf.~ction that \Vrisht cu~iccdes tlist one rc;lst~n ilic to Jelcnsc spcndi~~p. t\ltr.r gradirtp Icgisla. 

.ecnds cconor~~ics-a fcclinfi that the prtrup cltanpcd its ntnto is its pruxintity IUIS' vutins tccnrds hy IIICSC st.111dard5, 

lu country liar Konc tvr~~ng. Th.81 111 N'drltrnpuln, D.C., ~vhcrc tl~c nation.11 tlic sruup di=.tributcs the inlormatinn to 

L! ts n brrcding ~ruuli~l lur wr~rups t~rpa~~~:.ltinn is l~;r$cd. "Uur idcntity rr,as ~rlcntbcrs, potential contributt~rs, and 

is M a h i t v t ~ I c u a Ilcilrg Illst," says \Vri~ht."\Vc'd iltst un. churclrcs atrtl lt~rpes lo pass ir out in fu. 

cut root of all social evil .tnd ullcr .in i~lld thousarrds 01 dull;rrs in c~~~rtrilrutions turt* IIII~II~III.~IIIIII prcclcctio~r blir:cs, 

Ily sitnplc Itope for lalvatiun. The bocausr pcoplc lvbu tlrot~gl~t they wcrc Arrd ;~ltl~~rt~,:lr l~lrcrals cirntcrtd that IIIC 

.'I agcrrdr cxtcnds bcsunll tltc axing contr~hutitifi tu us sent their nioncy to n.ltllrn's p111itic.1I s11ift tu the r~glrt in IIIC 

vvrntrtcnt prtrgr~lns tvhosc ntcrits 

lYX0 clcctii~~t h;rJ ~rotltit~g to do wit11 

I~atd~cure lihcral~ have llcput~ III I,I~S I'arrl~m~As~lrt\un ir ,I ~ I~I~IX P~I. hI~raI hI.lio~ity's t.ictics, riicr~rhcrs 111 01at 

. It sccks nuthing less tltan to 11;1rk tor olU.atn.*~trnr hLa,~:rnr. 

group .%re still glt~.itiii~ over tlic cunscrv;l 

.XI by GOV veoranoi~ OAUIMORE MAGAZINE MAY IVBI 11 

373.

tivc victory. Hcady with a ncwl~lultd tva3 lecellt~y .li~[:f~t~rtc~i 

,I% JI J # ~ C I IL,. 

srnsc of power, tlrcy f~ircscc the I~/flZ and tdcrrt Rc;rfl.tn's ~~:crc~.rry nf cJuc~titrn, A1 ilct: llllds 111 .IRICVICI w1r11 111s 

IY8.l clcctions' scnding the "(r.tganr," Tcrrcl ilcll. And ncll is a MII~III~I rvlro 'vif* "It is cl~.;lr tll;lt the huah.tnd is thc 

"scxtnnnp.crs." and "secular lrr~nranist rrlro 113s publicly cc~rn~tl.ti~tcd .11)11ut tltc 111 his tvllc Clrrio is the hcitd of 

Irntlrrads" out of elected olficc l~kc so dial I r e dllcrcccs i I r;rins tll~' ~llllr~11," S*Ys III~llt~llllkc~l Ie3tier 111 

nrrny lenrrrtir~~s off clifls. "Thcy bcttcr publlc schools. h1,11~1,11td Il#);Itt to Life Actit~n, a11 ant^ 

start cutting tltc ntus13rd," wztrns A1 Ilcrz "\Vhy docs tltc xovcrnrrtent ferl tllcy .~l~~lrti'~n I:i~ulp. "If Illole i.lrllillcs lived 11~ 

II~ tltc lobby, "bcca~~sc.bclievc mc, thcir . hi~vc to teach tlrrsc c~rrtccprsl" I{cyrroltls 'Itis rtrlc," Ilcrz says. "rlrc n;rtiolr 

tirne lo crrrrring." ilsks. "pietures littic ,.iris flyllll; WIILI~JI~'~ bc in tIrc sorly sh.lpc It is to. 

"Enough people havc to be will~ng to platrrs or holdin): It:~~nrncra and rr;~ils lravc Jar" 

put their livcs on the line," says Joycar urrdcrlyin~ totles that aren't guod." 

\Vv'rc livirrg in iitc ~nitldlc 111 SIJ~ I 

old Carcrl Rcynolcls, a petite hlormon In the 'nlrertcr wurld" she is working fur, Gornllrr.lll," says tile triflt .ih.year.old 

Iro~ttcmakcr and m~~tltcr of nine in Rcis in which \c*orrrrm i~nd II~J~.\C~V~[C 

arc syn firtltcr of svwn witlt the rlnbcnding .rir of 

tcrstown who lol~bied on "prt~lamily" is. ortymous, Rcynolds admits, tltcrc "proba. a Ill'.'" itct'ill~ to fi~llt. 

Ul~rclr~lcd'h!, di' 

sues one day a week during tlris year's bly" will ire sexual ~Iiscri~nin;r~iol~: ~~"IIIXY, Iler:, a bccr.dri~lkin~, pclkcr 

General Asscnrbly session. "It's goit~g to "\\'unrcn have bcen Jiscriminatcd a~aittst playin8 cleclr~ics s~cci~list ill F~JI~ 

fakc pcoplc Irughing at us, mocking us, in tltc work force sinec EVC, lust $5 rncn hle.lJc, brlstlcs wit11 strolw o~irrions lhat 

and stoning us to death. and diflcrcIlt raccs ll.lve. ~ ufeminists 

t 

atc not cu~tlincd to tltc isruc of wurktng 

"\Vc need to bc warriors." lIave t.ltfp.lrt wolrlell that tlrey llavc rlp.llt ~notlrers. "Arncr~can COIIPRCS arc r~uthinfi 

The nncc.aspiring sinp.cr.can~cdy to sltout, 2nd tllc result of 311 111is shuut. ntorc tlr.ln wl~~~rcl~ouscs-if your 

dnnccr has nor wo~krd outside rlrc Irt~rrrc ing is that horncs arc splitting up. ~t is d3u):htcr's a vlfi:in whol she Rots in, sllc 

in twenty ycars and cuotcnds that today's lust rltis type of thing ~IIJ~ cllc ~ ~ won't ~ bc wlrcn ~ sllc colncs ~ out" i or "l'ilul l ~ 

socicry belittles hcr clroscn role of hnnrc- Protuction Lobby is trying to p~evcnt. Sarb;~nes n ~td nl.tc h{.rtlrias arc baby. 

f 

maker and mothcr. As a result, she says, "If 3 man in a hiring posir~un cllooses killirl~ puliticiflrls." 

"civilization 11 disintegrarin~, and if we another man ovcr a ,rrrm.rn rv1llt cllil. 71" F;rrnily Protcctiun ~ ~~lrby cnrplt* 

don't pull back tlrc Itorse's reins. we're go. drcn," shc adJs, ltrsi~atirig sIigIitIy, "then sins irr its literature that morc bab~er are 

Inl: to destroy ourselves." Shc says one of hc h.15 a right to turn illat wulnan dovn. ahurttd in ~ltc U~tited St~tcs vearly than 

thc main reasons she loincd \VrigItt*s If Ire% dis~rirrrinillin~ .rg.tinst her bec.lusc Iews wcm murdered durlnl: ~Vorld War II. 

group Is its comnritmcnt to the "tradi. hc wilrtts her to bedl 1tomc with her "Prolifc" Ir~rccs rn,rdc sir:nilic*nt hcadr*av 

tional family"-a family in cvlrich the in Annapolis. Stricter language on ,h!cdi:-, 

i;' 

RI 

man is thc hcad of the household. 

wid funding lor abortions was adoptcd 

Bouncing a 2.ycar.old on ltcr lap, Rcy- 

last ycv, rcquirinl: that pltysicians ccttify 

..: I; 

nulds., who dropped out of Itcr first year in "lC a 'nlRn a lirillg that 3 fulI.tcrtn prcgrtancy would cause 

,!I 

I college to put hcr husband through grad position cllooses alotller scvcrc, lunttcrm p11ysicaI andlor cmo. 

I;' uate school, argucs that "a mm was put tional ~roblenrs hrr IIIC tnotlrrr in the 

future. T ~ number C of hledi. 

: 

I~IC on ~31th 10 go out there and ittake Inan over a womal . . . ~ong.~crm 

I 

moncy." And woman1 "She was put on because he waits her to 

ccid abortions pcrlorrncd sirrce thc new 

earth to bc a glor~ous, bc3utihrl. soft, and 

wurdir~~ h.15 decreased by one third. nut 

femirrinc creaturc who is the liJit of tllc 

i be at home with her no tlranks ro the Catholic church, claims 

' Iromc." As RcynolJs's liorne is filled with He". 

clil&en I tllen that's ,lot 

L 

nine children under 16, shc admils 111at 

Ualtirnurc Arclrhislrop William Dorders 

a bad thing, is it?" has bcen under hcavy fire from local hard. 

.' I I I 

. . 

! "sometin~es I'm so tired and ragged out SUC~ 

.j that I have to liavc one of the older chil- line antiabortion groups for giving "lip 

% 

d~cn listcn to the otlrer children's 

scrvicc" to the abortion issue. Dordcrs 

prayers." 

ct~nsistcrrtly has crrrrllcmrrcd abu~tiun but 

"Women havc been told to leave tltc drcn, tlrcn . . . well"-shc smiles and 11.1s rcluscd to pull the Associated Cathohontc 

and 'do thcir own tlting,'" says hop,, her son for cmplrasis-"that's not lic Clturitics out of the United Way, 

Ileynolds, "all because of thc fcnriaists, such n bad tlrirr& Is it!" wlrich supports Planned Parenthood 

$.$ Tlrey'vc stirrcd up contention in a ~IUI,~ rnany t~tlter orgar~i:~tiu~~s, ArtJ 

.I worn~n's life and made her feel that A distlrnt solinding 01 drurrrs jiro~vs I'l.lrrncd Parcntlrorrd. although insistent 

> there's no sclf.cstecm in being a housc l~udcr us tlfc slirfrs urepruiecterll~~ctcr tliat it docs n~rt use tltcsc lurrds to npcratc 

wife." 

"ti'c ncvrr sutv it I~~rppcning." echorr its trvo nborrir~lr clinics In B~ltimare, Ira5 

As eviJcncc nf an institutionalized urr rrngry v ~~icc throuflr rlrc rrurlitorhrrtr. I1or.n Jobbed "public cncmy rrurttbct one" 

thrrat ~cainct womcn's rrsdi~innal r~llvs. I'icturcs of nrrrssrr~c parhtrs, roller ~l~cuo, by the Family I'rutccriun Lobby. 

Rcvnr~ld.- P I~S III "the II~W tchtbuuk> 111 ~rrdlor~esfu~~i~. G~tyurrt~. Ilr~sh orr r~ntfoll "0cc.111se 111 the arclrhislr~tp's irtr~noral 

the SLIIUIIIS that have climinated sexual T11e Jrrrr~rs bunt /urtur. 

IeilJcrship on the abt~rtiun rssuc." Ilcrz 

stereotyping." One of the provisions of "We clun'i ctrll it drrrrrkcnnru; rvc ~i111 says svitlt a scowl. ,'hc 11.1s hcen cornplicit 

. . Nevuda Senator and Rewan confidant il ulcolrolisnr. , . . \Ye dorr'f crrll it rod. in tltc carn:rge of twenty.six thousand 

Paul Laxalt's proposcd "family protection orny; IVC ~1111 if xuy rlxhts. urr ultenturic~e ilhortiu~rs pcrlormcll irt the state si~rce he 

in 1974." Her:, who Is Catho. 

is expected to he rcimroduccd this scr pictures kccp corrrirr~: flrc IJwrler, Kiss. lie, publicly acccrscd D~~rJcrs of intntur;tl. 

sion, called for lhc denial of fcdcral fund Loorerr llulrun dnrrkirrg rvirtc. -&!(A Yes" icy i.rrt year and s~ys the ~rchbishup is 

I! 

.. act," which Jicd last year in Conxrcss hut lilc.rtyle. Gut1 c111l.s ir irrtnrordliry." Tlre touk i~liicc 

,, ing for the purcltnse or prcparariun of any locu curd.^. "lcclirrg the lic.~t." tlorllcrs. wlrn previ- 

textbook tlrnt rvmuld tend lo "d~rttinish or 

ot~sly IraJ si~id he was skeptical of rhe 

dcrry tire role d~ffcrcrtccs between thc "Tlrcrc is a formtlfa for a hilppy ntar. "s~rrgIc.issi~e.I~>(,~IIJ~~I 

to ~bortioll," re. 

sexes as It 112s been historically under, rrag~,"sirys Lilliil~r I.Irrz, r suft.sp~~kcn -1.2. ccntly J C C ~ ~ 111 C thc ~ wishes of hard. 

srood in thc United Sriltcs." Iicc~usc 111 11s year.uld itu~~tenraker who is sittini: bcridc litters artd Occ~tt~c inure voc.~l. In fact. IIC 

btoad scope, the bill SI~IIJS little cltan~~ lier Ittrsb~r~d itt tlroir Rei~terrr~~w~~ burtga. ci~llcd for ~IICIIU~CII'S 

su~port of the 

ul passing in its crrtircty, but hlural hla lunv. "I tlrirtk cvrry wrrntan sli~ruld nt~rry hl3ryl;rnd I11gIrt to Life Action antiallor. 

,ority Is activcly luhbyilr~ for portions of a I sic Iiiks is i c r , s r r and ti1811 rirlly irt hl.rrcIt. Uut ller: says Itc is 

11! it. stti;~rtcr rlrarr she is. Not cvcry WI~I.I is st111 .rlljiry t11.1t UICIS did r~ot PC~IOII.III~ 

pausin): lead tltc rally lac;t~rsc of a prcviuus cum 

Forntcr hlnral hlaiority cxccutivc director to ct~tc~r~i~tc I a IIUIII~I~, I I I~ICI: "\\.II~II ~IIU'I~ .I bcr~cau~rat, you 

'1 ' Ilubcrt Urllings, who lrclpcd word tlr~ 

bill, rrl~ttvr lruw s~rt~rt sl~c is, a SVI~I.I .rI~v.rys CJII get I,UI of ;111)1l1ing." 

. .! And tlrc group h.15 help in hixlt pl;~ccs. inlcriur to every nrarr," Ilerr ~ys, 

! 

.. 

18 BALtlhlORE MAGAZINE MAY 1981

~ltlllltll:n 111and i.illi'll1 til.12 alw.1ys ,I SIIJ~CI~ flurry of ctiilrtion. "IVliocucr Arid on unc IPI isstle hc docs diller 

I,.IVC ht.r~i~gait~st ;~l~ortinn, tlrcy didn't Ilc.~rd of such tlrings hack rlir~ii" ;asks tlic with his cur~~radcs: U~ilikc tlic nvcr. 

i.m the ninvcliie~rt dctivcly u~ttil tllc is. 67.ycar.old rtblri of nttl~ 1sa;lc Ad~tlr Is. rvlrcln~injirrail>rily 111 Family I'roicction 

: stre ,lnlck lllinic six yc;~rs a#), \YIICII tlrcir racl L'o~r}:teg.rlioll, fl;~ili~ig his arms ill thc L1111iiy ~llcnrlrcrs, I'~vli.rkolI hcl~cvcs in tlrc 

.!; ~glrl~r. then IS. .~nn~rc~nccd III llcr par. ,rir ;is if tn shoo it away. Ptrli.lkuff, sccru lewisli law that ,111 ah~rrtion ia acccpt,ihlc 

' 

.rr tli~t .lie was prcgnarrt, llcrr lie tary ul thc V,r.rd Ilcrrali~rrrlnr Cutrr~cil 01 il perlum~cd rrillii~~ lorty days alter lertil. 

I ~1111o vis~lily upset wlicrt Iic talks ;rlruut Oi~l~odan ll.ibhis ol llaltirn~~~c, cxplairis ization. 

I..: "trcatt~ir~nl" shc then rcceivcd lrorn that "pcoplc,l~avc lust tlicir ~cligiuus ori. "['eoplc c.111 h;~vc honest dillcrmccs of 

tl~c pnrlcssi~r I;II colrin~unity. 

ct~t.?tic~ri." 

11pitiiu11 and still Ire ~tinral," IIC in5ists. Po. 

) "Tlic srrcidl workers treated my ddu& This crosiuri of spiritilalily, thc rabbi Iiakull is iicw allir,riR tlic rat~ks of hloral 

:! rcr likc tmsli ... likc she was a bareloot Irclicvcs, he&ln when "pco~~lc hcct~rr~c hlaiority, arid hc llopcs that lhcrc wiil be 

. hillbilly . from Wcst Virxinia ... iust be. riiorc scientific and bcgan probing into sunlc "clar~licatio~i" as to what is ~iioral, 

I e.rusc she would not co~isidcr abortion as tlii~ijis." (To dc~nolisli llarwin's theory nl "I nicrn. WIIJI arc yutr ji~rin~ to ilof Takc a 

.:. an alterndlive." Amid tears, tcriipcr, arrd cvolutlon, hc lines up scveral dinrrcr fcllow who in cvcry other way you con. 

; rni~cb cu~ifusinn, the 1icr:o sent thcir 

rider moral. and when yoc~ f~nd lic dis. 

dru~litcr to n ho~iic for utlwcd ~iiotlicrs 

aprccs with you on onc thing, ltc's out 

'1 n , upon tltc advicc of the social 

c~~tirplcrclyl" 

9 workers, insisted that SI~C place t h child ~ The Falllily 1)rotection And he's optrrri~stic. "I do~r't think that 

: up lor adoption wlicn born. But nn thc-..LobbY empllasizes hl its wc can go down rnucli lurther monlly," 

!: d;y the adoption papers were to be, 

lie says, sIr.rkinp 111s head atid Iaupliing. 

e., S~KIIC~, thctr dauhtcr ilunn hcrsel( on the literature that Illore 

"Thc only dircctiun wc can go is up.'' 

.:i 11;ior screaming [hat slic w~ntcd lo kccp 

bL1biCS a?IC abOL.tCd ill tile 

'4 lrer brbl 

Sudllcnl rllc dccr/cr~ing ro~rr~tl o/ II rt~r. 

:I "Nrrdlc\s to sav." says Lillran Hcrz United States vearlv thm clccrr cxplorron rrps throu~h the audrto 

'!sr~ltly as she pulls ; fra11;cd picture of a 

rrum as prcrurcr o/ nrrtn,qt nru.sbrootn 

'. sn~ilinl: 6.ycar.old off her living rourn Jews were mii;dFrcd 

clo~rds llarlr tn soccesrlon urr tlrc screen. 

,ii nrantcl, "wlien I look at this sweet little durillg World War LI. 

Irr tlrc oud~cncc, n srttull boy3 cyet grow 

lacc. i think of all the babies wlro arc 

widr ivith c.scrrcnrmt or 111c tul~i~tling 

... .i ahortcd who would have been iust likc 

sound of uvnd irlls the roorn. 

.a! 

.., her." 

s'lfos,;nyth;"R /,kc this cvcr lrapjier~ed 

,> Abortion is murder, ray the Hcrzcs, end blatcs on llis tahlc. Picking one of then1 in your days or tire drrys 01 your lorela. 

:I there is no room lor compromise- UP. he slys. "If I said to YoL,. 'This is the then1 ~ l n w the trtrnipctsj Lct 1111 who 

(6 especially wlicn thcrc is an "excellent, f~rst pl.lt~ ever created ... and it Jet'cl. Iive in the land rrcmlle. /or the day of 

screntific mcrhod" for birtl~ control. Tlrcy oped all thcsc others,' wouhd You bclirvc llrc end 

,: conlir~g. .." 

cannot uridcrstatrd why murc educators mci B.lh!"l Closc.ups 01 lire cast an oranpt plorv in 

.!in bolh public and rcli~ious conirnunitics "All the evils lwe have arc the room as irz cr'rck/irtg sound rnrnrsi. 

'.: rvill not rcach ',n.~tural lariilly plannin~" "suit of rcicction of Cud." he sJY% lies. "\/,\nlerrca ~lorsrr't repent. God ,\ill 

form of brrth control siniilar to the uxpl.'inin~ he rcadil~ cmbraccs the e;tllUr chastI.n this cotrntry or abolish it 

rhythm mctliwl. 

goals 01 the Fanilly Protection Lobby. "Wc 

to and ~ ,. ~ , n, bock ~ ~ 

'L "11 rcyuircs a little sclf.denial,w con. have lust reached our limits, and some to cod, 

ccdcs tier: with a scowl, "sumc~hitig thirl~ 113s to nround. Today is the -7hc time is short. . . . And lvhat will 

thrt's against tlic Anicrican and the Carh. of dc~ravil~." you soy ivlrcn your childrm inquirc. 

;I olic grain." 

Poliakolf says today's tolerance shown . ~ ~ ~ ,,.hot j d tvcre ~ . you iv/len 

for hornoscxuals proves his poinr: "There Anleric,r corllnlurl~sr~r~~~ 

< 

Phorngmplrs of corlrd /etuse> covered arc no two ways about it: A hor~~oscxual 

: tvitlr hlood/Ia.sIr onto the screen o/ is a pervert. hlost of them don't ivllnt to It is casc perhaps a bit too easy, to dis. 

.:Fahvcll's slitle slto~v. rtrpidly inrcrrpcrscd bc corcd." Last year Poli~koff testified miss hloral h1.iioriry as iust ;inother ex. 

..trlr shots olAdollHirlcr. dcud 1 ~ ~ and ~ ~ against s . city gay rights lcgislatlon that trcn~ist lootnote for futurc history bouks. 

C:lorio Stcir~ctrr. "11 ~r-errnkirrx pllrce would havc given homuscxuals legal pro Dcmagogucry-from thc riglit and the 

irrghr in lronr o/ our eyes bccausc ivc tection. left-is not new in America. Nor arc prv 

.tllrln't care." the voice sho~rts. "so thr "These arc sick pcoplc." hc says. "You litical hrliels srrld in tlrc ndnie of C~rd and 

: Anrericon rlrearrr flus Occontc o l~ideous cmnot cxpcct parents to put their cliil. rcinfurccd by specters uf every irnapir~ablc 

Amcrican nrplrtnrarc." 

Jrcn into 2 sch~x~l situation whcrc thc threat. Thc apocalyptic vision of ludg. 

' On rl~e ,rudrturiurn stagc, young kids will gut the idea th~t 

this pcrvc~t is a ~iicnt Day is a lungsta~idinp staple of 

!!vonlcn in long blue dr~sscr sit slunrpecl linc person and normaf." 

evangclisni. But the call ru acknowlrdgc 

' !o,r tbr. lloor and rrnn. "IVe lwtp lor yeto, Alrhouyh Poliakoif bclicves organira. Cod hclurc it's too late ilds hvcn ~iven 

! .An~erico.... lVe weep lor you. An~er tirr~is llkc the Fa~iiily Ptotcction Lcrbby new urgency today, 3s hloral hlaiority 

will give thc United States the spirrrual t.tkcs adv~nr.lpc of the fear of nucluar war 

rcvlvol it nccds, he has had lit~lc success ;III~ Strvict cxp~nsionis~~i. 

A~iicrica has been "dying" 1111 dec pcrsuadi~iji tnrrst lcadcrs ul the lucal letv Locally, huwcvcr, tlic Family I'r~i~ection 

I . a h , c~rritcnds Rahlii hlanucl i'trl~akolf. ish c~rrrrn~uc~ity to cnlbrdce the ~ruup. Jle Lolrby belicvcs the v~]u~lly widespread 

He lr~njis lor ilicpcntlcr diiys of his ynutli, has lleen flatly told by ~rp~cscnt~tivcs 01 ;lnxicty abur~t the dissuluti~~~i 111 tlic tradi. 

i when "mntl~cr%,as the hub of the lio~nc tire Associated lewish C11.1r1tics tl1.11 they ticinil fa~n~ly has 111e greatest p~~tcntial lor 

I ,%ho kcpt cvcrytliirig togctlicr." \Vl~cn all ;Ire suspici~rus of an uryariizatian rliat creating converts lo llic cousc. Lc.tdc1 

the kid, slrpt in Uruld tlill I'a~k rln hot illdgcr polrlical r;llldld~lcs s~ilcly by its \Vriglit s.iys people feel lost withuut 

i ',unilricr niglitc. Wlicn "pr~rplc related IU 

' 

~liurnl stand.~rds. "YIIU know," hc ex. ~iir~ral Ieadcrslrip. "Despite cvll~t sorr~c 

csch otllcr." \$'lien dourr were 11111 Io~kccf ~li~irirs c~ci~edly, "tlrese guys arc CIJLY! I~bcral huln~riists, \vIio arc \V.IIIU\VIII~ ill a 

I '"4 ri~rrclrurit windows weren't protcctcd Wlr.11 else are YOU going to iudgc them sea ol relarivis~ii, say. there is a rl~lit atid 

by metal grates. IIII~" a wror~g." He ctrr~tcrrds tll;rt ;I l.itgc r c ~ 

! ' nut .dl tlt.rt was 11fty years ;rgo, .rrrJ to. Nu1 thdt 1'11li~k1rff bel~evcs that nior~l mcnt ul tlic poliuI.ltir~11 is "CI).III~~ 11111 lor 

jdJy "the diilc~cricc is likc rlid~t 

1 

JIIJ day." Ity call IIC cdsily o~rccd upoti. Fur,r,cui~i& 1111rraI Ic.~dcrsli~~-tl~~~~c 

ill ~IIC 

.. 'IIIUSIIY 

S~IIIII): UI~ a tvtiude~i chair ill Itis 1'1kes. for a I~ I~IC~I( tire "ir~~rn~rraIity"~rl 11111110. rt~lddle.' TIIL.~ .ire ~tr~iddlir~g tire Ie~iee, 

;ille krtcl~eri, Pt~lrakr~ll decries "air pollu. S~XIII~S, I'uIl~k~lff s~ys. "YOU C~I? iililgc a irlrd we hope to fie1 tlie~ii dtr\vn." 

!!on, wdtcr pullution, r11ir111 pollution" In pelson's 1nor:llity bascd on one issue." UII~III~IIIC~~ 1111 /1119e 113 

'. 4:. ., BALlWOQE MAGAZINE Llr\V lVBl 78

~ ~ ~ ., 

.~~~~ 

~ .~ 

~ 

- 

~ 

i~tractal~ility of I ~ iIr~itcctii i UGIU'G LttC UuCiLL "1 llla 

Lc~bhy llics in tlic i;~ce of what mity bc llcn]tll - in{omlatiofl bill 

~ - ~ 

Icp~slatars' srllc tcni.1111it1g sourucs ul in. 

M.tnv stntc lc~islators ~ ~ ~ tilal ~ tcll~utt~nl 

e ~ satisIautitu~ ~ d ric~l~tiati~~~, 

VOIP this ycal; ~clcgate ?'oflcy 

Wril:lit's lubhyists probably would knock ~\v"pi~tg, nntl otl~cr I~.~!xlcr's ~lrts. St1 It is 

s;lirl tile Family 

down tl~c fcncc alorig wit11 tlic stnddlcrs. not surprising that many Annapt~lis oh. 

.Mayhe so, but amid tllc mckur, tllcy :scrvcts nlcct the frc~~zictl sl~unanig;~~is nf I'l'0t~~tioll Lobby 1l:ld . 

rack ill^ up victorics.' Aprrt froln hclpfng fhc rarrlily l'trlrcctiorc Lobby upill# a slllufi 

~labSO]LltCl ~ ~1.0 effect 

to tctai~~ tlrc state's strict Impi~a~c Jirl>it. disr~~issd and n smirk. 

Inr Medicaid abortio~~s. ~IIC ~. Falliilv Ilut tl~c st~ickcring hcliind the cupped herc in AIlIl3ll~liS." 

~ 

-, ~ - - 

&~ion Lobby took crcd(t in ~ ~ ~ hands ~ of ~ critics ~ rn?y ~ rrllcct l a i myopic , up. 

this vcar lor the dclcat of a bill that ~..~ tintism r;~tlicr than any realistic pcrccp 

would have allowed school nurses in tion olthc Fatl~ily Prolcctfc~tl f-obby's Po. Fatllily I'rotc~ti~n Lohby has spctit Sl.wU 

Ptincc Ccnrge's, Annc Amndcf, and 110: "llti" slrclgtll. i\lcllou~ll Wrifillt and his studying. "Croups such as these provr to 

..'(YII~ counties to COUIISC~ students on "IIlY of polificsl nellpll~tcs havu bcctl bc little nlurc than talk." 

birtlt conttol, vcncrctl diwnsc, and dn~gs. cllastiscd by politicialls alld,tllc Press, the And b~/ort thc dcfcat of his health in. 

Thc group argued that the govcrrtrnent orgarlizntion is not likcl). to disa~l'car. It forrt~ntion hill this ).car, Toncy ilrown 

sliould lcavc such counscli~ig to parents. could lc.lm from its nlistak~s and rctllnl chuckled when askcd about thc political 

To co~nntunicatc thc point, the lobby (0 its h~ttlcs .r little hit wiser, slicker, and clout of the group. "Tile Faa~ily Protcc. 

tcsortcd to somc novel tactics, called rnorc dctcrtnincd-but still llookin~ its tion ~obby is not n lorcc to bc rcckoncd 

"dcnigratinfi bchrvior" by the bill's spon appeal to tile bclca~ucrcd fanlilics of with," he said. '7hcy havc had absolutely 

$01, Delegate Torrey Brown. Denlofrat Mavlarld. zcro clfccc hcrc in Annapoils." 

from Daltlmorc city. Drown says tlic luh- A few o posing pulitical groups havc Tl~c stall ol U.S. Senator I'aul Sarl~ancs 

byists told him, "Look, if you don't do rccojinizc 1 thc potential appeal ol that sccniingly cchocs such smugness. hlu~al 

what we say, wc will fic up all of your pitch and havc begun a countcr~ttnck Maiorlty poses no nlorc of a threat to thc 

phoncs on you." And tlicy made good on against the Family Ptotectioa Lobby. Thc scnntor's upcoming rcclcction catnpaign 

the thrcat, tying up motc tl~an a httndrcd Maryland chapter of thc National Orgaal than thc Lcaguc ol Womcn Votcrs, said 

tclcphonc lincs for scvcrnl days and brine zation lor Womcn, lor onc, has crc.?tcd a Patrl Sanrucls, a Sarbanes spokcsmnn, 

ing to a virtual halt the contniunications task force to ni?nitor thc "ncw right." But "and wc'rc not \corricd nlrout tl~cnr ci. 

of some of the bill's proponents. Browsn lor the most part, tlic rcactiutt is conipln. thcr." Moral hlaiority and tl~c Fanlily 

rccalls telling a collc.tguc in cxssperation, ccr~t. "I'm not worried about them 81 all," Protection Lobhy plan to disttihutc litera. 

"Look, we liavc to cithcr pass this bill or say5 IISC Darli~ifi, public affairs di~cctor turc 011 Sarbancs's "im~noral voting rcc. 

klll it. Hut lor hcavcn's sake, get those for I'lnnncd Parenthood of Ualtin~utc, an ord," but not to worr,: says Sat~iucls. 

people off our tclcpl~oncs." 

organization w11osc futiding octividcs ti~c "\Vc'rc not the least bit concctnud." 

The Hardware Fair ................ Serving Baltimoreans For 59 Years! 

The Knot f Company ................ Building in Baltimore Since 1948 

BALtlMOnt MAGAZINE hlAY I981 113

. . , 

.... . 

,: for the American 

I 

\ 

. 

#

1 THE PROGRESSIVE 

May 1981 

Volumo 45, Number 5 

111 11.~ocicfy trs dc~.orrtl /o nil irlcrrlized 

~~icfrrrc of llrcfir~r~ily rt.~ or1r.r .~ccr11s fo 

be, I( e IIRI'P 

r~tnrlc ir nlr~~o.~~ irrtl~t~s.rilrlc 

forff1111i1ic.r to Jlirrtri~rl~. 01tr ~1e.r~~rr11tc 

clirrgitr~ tofirr~~ili(rl irlot1.r lrns hrcorite 11 

kid of fnlisr~rnrr--rr defrtrsc ngoitr.rf rlrc 

forces tlrnr tcor rtr tltefihric of /rrorrrttr 

rclrrrin~rrhips 

. . . Pogc 16 

LOST CIIILDREN by Lietty Medsgcr 

Foslcr carc is 'Ins1 rcsorl' 1Ir;rl lasts a1111 I;rsls. 

BRENUNC TIIE INCEST TABOO by Marcia Yudldn 26 

'Il~osc tvl~o crur:rdc for Iilnrily 'IOVC' forgeI ll~c iri~lirncc of firrtrily power. 

TURBULENCE NiEAD FOR THE CLEAN N R RCT 29 

by Francis 1. O'DonneU 

UUI ilsskics Irnve never hecn clcnr. 

i 

IWEP THE LAWSUITS COMING by Ray Bonncr 32 

People will~oul lmlilicnl cll~ul nocd lo Ilavc ll~cir clay In COUII. : 

I 

WHEEL RIM TMCEDY by T ~XU Lewin ! 34 

tiovcr~~nrcnl invcslignlions llnvc f;rlIcrcd. bul ~nnnufnclurcrs fncc liabilily clnims. 

I 

SLAVE LnBOR IN THE CANE FIELDS by ~osedh~ulli~an 36 

Ilrc ll~rcar of dcportn~iirn kccpi llrc sugilr workers silent. 

Fwfer crtrc is orr flrc ri.vc. rrr~t orlly hcrnrcsc 

of ittrpru~~ril rcl~orfitt# i~frlrilrl 

obrrse brrt nl.rn bccottsc of si11111lc 

cro~~orrricr: Tlrc Govcrrr~riertt /~nyr for 

mkitrg c/~ilrlrcr~ nnwy fro111 rlrrir rrntrtrr~l 

/iott~i/ics, IJIII it dnc.r trot />it># 10 .ri~lr~c t/rc 

fnt~rilics'problcr,~s so llrc c11iIrlrc11 curl 

rclrrrtl . . . Pogc 20 

MARXISM IN MOZAMBIQUE by Stephen Talbol 38 

In llrc slrndow of Soull~ Africa, n yourrgcou~~~ry str~~gglcs lo nrake rcvolulionnry clrntrgc. 

ALL THE BEST FOR THE BRIGHTEST - 

by Anne Gardrier ncrnley 

UUI tvllnl about ll~c o111cr 95 11cr cent? 

WnRltEADS INTO PLOWSIVLRES 49 

bpRnnMorrissolt Davidon 

Whcn is a 'cnmc'a ptolrl~~.lic ncl? 

WHY WE SEIZED THE HAMMER by Philip Bc+gnn 

711c logicuflrol~c nrns ctru~rlcr to llre lngicof~ruclcar tvcnpons. 

I 

I 

SO 

DEPARTMENTS Books i 

Letters 4'62 I 

7 

1 r 1 1 it Comment 

n nrir(tgc. rlfricor~s No Cohent 13 pliy. try I

D 

cvalctl 11s our strcicty is to ~III 

ily, wc linvc ~ll;~rlc it lnorc n~itl 

idcnlizctl piclurc ol lllc ~;IIII- 

rr~orc difficult for lnr~rilics to sur\.ivc rrs 

i~~ti~ct, i11ti111;11c ~III~~S. FIIIII~I~ i~irngery 

li[:~~rcs i~~~porln~~tly ~II otlr socii~l ;III(I 

~iolilic:~l syn~hols nntl slogir~~s. pert~~c;rlcs 

0111 most dccply molc~l ;~spir;~tions, 

fcnrs. rcscntlrlcnls, i111d Iro~)cs. 

nnd runs likc n rich currcllt it1 illid 

llrrougl~ Arncricnn fiction. Uul \c8c l~i~vc 

n~ndc it allnost irnpossiblc for ln~rlilics 

to llourisll. 

JEAN U~I'III~E ELSII'I'AIN 

Our despcratc cli~rging to fir~~iilii~l 

idcnls 118s bccon~c ;I kind ol lr1lis1i1n1in 

tlclcnsc ngninst our lorcbc~dings tI1nt 

almost total disintcgr;~tion olllrc fi~liric 

of I~u~trnn tics nrrd i11ti111atc rclntio~rshipsn~ny 

be tllc finill outcon~c oltlrosc 

prcssurcs tlrnt frngmc~rt, split. n~\d 

dividc con~~nu~litics. tlrnl sc~lrl ft~~rrily 

~rrcnibcrs in ;dl directions. trroslly in 

scarcl~ of jobs and security or sinljilc 

s~~rvivnl, thnt projccl ln~nily 1llc111lrcrs 

into c~notiorinl 1i1ilsl)irls wlricll 1I1rc;rtcn 

to inrplodc fnn~ilics fro111 rvitl~in likc so 

mirny Chi~~csc lirccrnckcrs going off 

onc alter tllc olllcr. 

It would bc a scrious crror to locotc 

the conlplctc nnd full cxpInn;~lio~r lr)r 

' 

tlrc stntc we arc in. lor tlrnt crisis of lllc Iilrgcr social systc~~~, iirltl so~trc scc tlrc 

l;~nrily that has itscll bccomc n co~lslilnl fntlrily as 111crcly pcrfclr~rli~~~ "fu~lclcalurc 

olconlcr~~pornry sock~l rcitlity. lic~ns" for tllnl rvidcr rc;llnr ;IS )vcll ;IS 

in ccononiic lorccs ntrd corlslr;rir~ts. 

Ncvcrtllclcss, tlrc structure or our po- 

\vitI~ir~ it. l'l~cy ilrgtrc t11;rt llic 111odcr11 

Iarnily Ilns bcco~tlc \vlr;~l it is ill 1);rrt bclitical 

ccoliolny is ll~c singlc inost.i~n- cnusc prcvious h~nilicrl f~~~lctio~ls II;I\.c 

partntlt fcnttrrc i r ~ :I trnnslorn~:~tiot~ of IICCII rcnssi~ncd clscwlrcrc. 7'lr;rl is. IIIC 

An~cricnn fnnrilii~lifc i~rril pnttcrns so typical fi~mily in tllc piisl scrvcd ;IS ;III 

rapid it :~n~ounts to nt) unir~lc~~dctl scr- cco~ro~nic unit of its own. ;IS a scl~ocrl, ;I 

cia1 r~\~oIt~li~it~. Wc :Ire o111y IOW i~lilc to wclfarc irislilulio~~. ;I liousc of corrccscc 

llrc cffccts ol Illis Ir;~rrsforrr~;~lio~~, lion, nnd ;I voc:~~iorr;~l ins~ilulc. Witlr 

and just Iicginnir~~.lo cvalualc it wit11 tlrcsc prcvir~us lu~lcticr~rs tliq)crsctl. ;lll 

any cli~rity. 

tl~nt wi~s left lo llrc fir~rlily, gcrcs tl~c 

Tl~c fi~r~iily is n 111livcrsi11 sociirl ilrsli- ~~~(IIIICII~, SV;IS sorr~ctI~i~~[: ~+;tlle~l "ll~c 

tulion. Nosr~~icly II:IS yct bcc~~ 

tliscov- rilrrltrri~nl socii~lizi~tic~~~ nl 1I1c ~IIIIII~." 

crcd in wl~icll n firrnili:~l lor111 did ~iot 

cmist. In socicrics bcyotltl lllc nlost sin\- 

Fnn~ilics.bccu~~~c p~i~lr~lrily crtroliorri~l 

or r~ffcctivc irlstitulio~~s: 'I'lrcy sociillplc, 

fl~c fnrnily is OIC fcnlurc within a izcd tl~c ycrtrrrg to t;~kc tlrcir p;~rt in llrc 

largcr socicty ns i~tlr~lls. 

- - 'rlrcrc is riiucl~ trull~ Irl llris "l1111c- 

Jcnr~ Ilcrl~kr. E1.111rni11 is associnrcpto- tin~rnlist" ;II)~IO;IC~I to fl~c soci;rI Irislory 

fcssctr of p~tliiical.rc~c~~cr IJ~ 111c U~rivcr- of IIIC f~~rrrily. UII! Ilrcrc is ;I ~>rc)I)lcrr~ 

siry of hf~sachicrcfr$, Ar~thers~. wit11 it ;IS ~vcll: 'I'lris ~I~~IIII~ICII, \vIricl~ 

I6 1 MAY 1981 

HARD 

TIMES 

for the 

I 

I 

prc\~i~ils ill ctrli1clrrlitlr;rry st~ciirl scic~rcc 

~IC;I~I~ICII~\ of IIIL's~ ~SFIICS. cir11111iIICIII 

us to c~rrclcrsl;~r~(l ll~c irr~rr*r tc;~lilics ol 

fi~~~rily lifc. lbc trt~il~ice~i i l ~ ~ ~CS~IIICS c l of 

Ilrosc IILIIII;III ICI:~I~IIIIC II~ill 111;lkc 1111 

lllc 11c:lrl trf llic fil~~ril!.'s cxi\Icncc. So 

IIJII~ 11s f:r~r~iIics irrc IOI crea~irig IO 

I;IY "tlcvi;r~~ls." itr ~ocicrlugiriil Inn. 

~t~agc. tllcv 11rc "doing tlrcir job." Il 

tlrcrc arc slrcsscs ;rrtd str;tirrs aillrirl llrc 

f~~rr~ily. llic tIrcr;rpc~~lic csl:~lilisl~r~~cnt 

exists lo tlc:~l tvitl~ tlrosc. I:ca. ;rc;~tlc~~ric 

spcci;rlists irttc1111~10 scc IIIC fn~llily. 

first. (111 it$ o~&tl lPr111s. ;IS ;I\'I I)! litr\vcr+ 

ful socinl rcln~io~~s ~villr tlrcir (ISVI vi1;rI 

integrity i ~f~d ITIC~III~II~ to socii~l pnrlici- 

~"IIS tl~cnlsclvcs ;i!ld, sccon(l. ns onc 

ditrrcnsior~ of n witlcr cor~r~~~u~rity cotlccivcd 

11o1 ill ll~~ictitrtinlist tcrlns, hut ns 

nn idcnl of ll~c social ;~nd political lifc. 

l~crc w;~s ;I 1i111c ill Atiicricn 

tvl~cn tl~c li~tilily \\';IS part of n 

largcr ~rct\vork of kin tics nntl 

cor~~r~run;rl links. Co~r~r~lrrr~itics ;~nd 

fi1111ilics wcrc co~t~pc~sctl of intcrgcncratitr,~~:ll 

groulii~lps. 'l'hc fai11ily 

\V;IS i~~~l~cd~lcil in tlrc cclt~lrlluniry. ycl 

cxtcrrtlcd i~scllorc~ i111o llrc wider social 

~~ct\vork. l'l~e tvidcr s11cii4 ~rcl\wrrk. it. 

scll in p;lrt ;III cstc~lsio~l ol tllc fir~nily. 

itlso pcrtncnlctl c:lclr i;c~rrily's in~lcr 

tvorkirrgs by Ilclpi~~g to givc scllrcli;r~~cc 

and sclf-rcslicct ;III~ 10 scrvc 

tlic cnlotionol ;IS tvcll ;IS 111c pl~yric;~l 

needs ol a lnrr~ily's clriltlrcn. 1:nrrlily 

nrctr~l)crs. lor tl~c 111os1):rrl. \vcrc born 

illto. grcw up, lived, worked. :\lid dicd 

witlrirr tllcir co~~l~~lutii~ic~. Jahs wcrc 

rrtcrsr often in or ircilr irort~cs ;rnd rrcigll- 

I)orlroods, tl~ot~pll cvc~~ l)cfo~c World 

Wnr II ~lc~~iogr;~lillic slrills :III~ 

cco~~onlic disIoc:~ti~~~~s tvcrc IIC~~IIII~II~: 

lo 11rc:lk up Illis lr;~tlilio~ral irrrtl sanlcwlr;~~ 

itlcnlizctl li;~llcr~~. 

\\'Iriitcvcr rc~r~iri~~c(I trf tlrc old ivi~y 

wi~slr:rtrcrcd 11). rlrc u.;rr nrrd its irllcrn 

\Vnr irldus~rics c;lllc~l n~illio~ls 

in111 tlrc cilics. hlcr~, \~ ICI, n11(1 

!vliolc l11111i1ics 1111ivcd i11Io II~~);III cell- 

\ 

I

; 

Changes 

in the 

ecor~o~ny 

I 

have akxecl \vl~i~l\vi~~cl 

were i~~corp~~r;~lcd i111u ll~c nr~nctl 1 1 I cii' 1 i 1 

forec\. \Vill~ III~II ;I\VII~. \VIIIII~II 11cg:ln ;I\v;I~, l.irtb, 1111 SIICII ;I 

10 work in i~~iluslry in ~;II~C IIIIIII~~~S- 

l~~ls~~vlll~ l;llll~~l l~lilll 

llle lnnlo~ls ~I~I~IIOIII~II~II of "IZosic lllc L~~~I;II lirt~d~~t.[ivc n i r k. ~ ;ttril lr;111 111 1I1c 

Itivc~cr." OUS IIIOS~ Iri~sy\vtr~h 

A I I . 

I 

I IIIII~ 111i1t~h 

\!IBIII~II. II~C~IIIIC 

I~;I'; CIIII~IIIII~II~ IIIOW 1i11111- 

IC ;IIIII IIII*~~' 

i c e 1ci11c re. 

II~I,. i~lcl~~\lii~g C;III, 

tur~lcii 1i1 irlil ~r;ltlcrtls nor lii lltcir 11i1- 

gclty, 111;1t ill lllrll 5liir;llvil cw" ripditionnl 

co~~~n~i~r~ilics. Illc w;lr slcil n \v;~ril tllc lllllr~l~ lor -pilc~tt ~III'I 

tn;lncnlly altered-tlcf;~ccd. ~nnny CIIIII~ ~n~ch~r i~ il ~CII I~III~S ~vtrrsc?" 

\\sould say-wit11 sol~crl~igl~w;rys and 

asks rock sli~r Ilrl~cc Sli~i~~gr~cc~~. IIIIIIfrccnnys, 

ant1 111c cconorrric "lrcnltl~" ~II;II :I C~IS~I;I)II of fricntls. kill. c1111rcl1 self a III;III ill \\-orki~~g-cl;~s$ orisill. ill ;I 

of thc n~~to~~~olrilc i~ttlus~ry bccnn~e gro1111s. oll~cr scll.l1cll1 :~ssoci;~ri~r~~s, rccclll si111g. 

sj'nnr~yrrto~rs ~villrlrc 11c;rlrlr of t11c (11)- ;)t~d p[iliric;rl I~I;IC~~~IIC.S ~~~I)IIIII 

SIL~I ~II lo 1:or /1111cric;1's\s~>rIiit~g 

cl;~ssc\ lIic 

litic;~l CCOIIOIII~ :IS 81 WIIOIC. COIS~ I~I~ help ln~nilics in ncetl of :lit1 :IL~ lilkc L~~C;IIII crfii IrcIIcr life sI;~yc\I 1111r\llyt1111 

grew inro n ur;ly ol life. Old Ir;~ltils of solnc of ll~c sli~rg oil lllc rvorsl dcp~iv;~. of rc;~cl~ ;III~ ll~cir lives sti111~(1 1111 ll~i~l 

Illrift and lrrcscr\*ntio~~, of nl;~king dl1 tion ;lnrl dcsp;~ir. 'l'l~c II~IIII~III cost of :I~C~IIIII. F ~ ~IIC I 1111rrc IIII~I~IIC I.I:IS>C\ 

I III~II~ 1Ii11gs : I t~cllcl y Il~c new sflluc~rcc. 1111\r~cvcr. sp~c;~tl IIIC rc;~Iily if ~IIIIUCIIC~~ 

11:1il ;I i1:11k 1111- 

bcforc tl~c o~~sl:i~~gli~ of \ol~nt 1rcc;1111c u~~cvct~lv ns oflluc~~cc 11;1s :il\\f;~ys I1cc11. ilcrsiclc: :i II~!!~I~III;II~ 

01' IIIICII~~~II~ 111esour 

tllrow-:lwny socicl).. I.ifc gl>J w;ss1111cr I ~ r clipc r I 1 r 1 sure lo l>c~lur~ll l~cllrr. I11 IIIIIV~ 1111. 1i1 

gatlgctizcd. ~ILIIII~III hcillgs s:nv tllcnl- ul;~rly ifo~~ccsplorctl~l~cpl~e~~t~~~~e~~i~~~ 

111irvc I~IIIII IIIIC'S "gt~t~tl" ~~cipl~l>irr 

scl\~s nlorc nrltl nlorc ;IS olrjccls 111;lt lllrlrl~gl~ :I f~~t~cli~n;~list jicrs~ic~~~ivc 11i1iril 10 ;I "IIL~I~CI" OIIC ill \vl~irli ll~c 

C~IISIIIIIC~~ tllings, nntl 111cy c~~~botliccl. i c Icll I I I I if I i s I~tr~~scs wc~c I~iggcr IIII~ C\~II I'i~~ll~cr 

ill llrcir p:~tl~cls, ll~cir cloll~cs. ll~cir .son~cI~ir\v 111il11i11g ttrpcll~c~. :IJI;I~I i111il S~ICCL.!.~ SC~IIICLI I lie 

III:I~~II~I, \vl1;11 lllc new ;~lllucncc w;~s I ~ c~ tc 

r c III:ISII~IIILII~ ; ~ I IIIC~I~IIICII by 1111: c:~l~;~cil!. 01 IIIL. I;IIIII~~ 

8111 alro~tf. crnoli~~~~i~l j~r~lioc~crisl~~~~c~~I 

i~ntl \jri~il- 11) live it1 clilc~~tliil i%(~l;~lii~~~ IIIIIII IIIIIC~ 

'l'l~is i~llluc~~cc C I~ 111 n lligl~ ci~sl in u;il dec;~y. Inr 111e II~~III~III \~;ISIC/;III~~ l11111iIics ;III~I (I~IIS~~L. i111y \~~~I~~CIIIIIIIIU- 

IIIIIII~II rclaliorrs. IVllcn il~c Inrnilics of nn~idsl ;dl 111c irce-li~lcil tlcscrlccl ~~ily, it1 ;tny IIICIIII~II~~~II sc~~sc. 111 ;III. 

nc\v illnt~rigralll grolllis llntl cxpc- slrccls in ;1lIlt1c111 ~~cigl~lr~~rl~~iir~l~. 

for 11 WIS !lie ~i;~~lici~l;~r II;IIIII~ irf 1I1e 

ricnccil cxlr:rordi~~;~ry cct~not~~ic. so- I IIIIII i t I i r c i s /\~nctic;l~~ li~ili~ic;~l ~CIIIIIIIII~. ~:n.:~~cd 

c i I c~lltr~l Iisl~~c;~tiir~ I I I lilted fro~n 1ii1re111s. gri~~~dlri~rc~~Is. 1111 first for \~:II, 1l1c11 (811 III;II rli~lc~~~i~lc 

rivitlp on A~ncrici~l~ sl~orcs. ll~erc \V;IS :IS. IIIICI~S, sis~crs. 1i1111l1ers. ;111tl I~CI\\~CII 

\V;IIS, IIICII ltrr \'~~III;IIII. II~I!\, 

slill n scnsc, :I! Ic;lsl 11;1rtii1lly nccur;~lc, IIC~~~IIIS, II I IIUSII~IIIIS i f I 11ci11g cli~l~ked (11) lilt i1111rl11et or 

1.1 11,. l'l

c;~rctl 11111111ot1~li 

\vl1;11 SCIIII~I l:r;~ilrc~~: 

c:~llh "fl~ cfc~lrcr;~tc cl~iltl pl;~rts of 

terctl IIIIIII:III c\~I~c~;I~~IIII%. ~IIIIIII~II 1I1c 

ll~c 11(11rr. 'I l~csc i~~clutlc"-sl~c 2;1ysold 

clo~l or siul~t :III~I OLI~ (11 II~~II~. IC- AS lllally as '.III' Irt~lry 5tor;yc I~ IC ~r~trvi~lctl liy 

c 

~~UIIL, I. givc~~ tllc :~lrsc~~cc rrl tri~tlitirr~~i~l 

's~~l~rclrotl!.' in tllc t~cigl~lrtrrl~~~~rtl (i111d 

s~lu~~lllcs of SIIIIIIO~~, I~I;I~ tIlc t1:1111ti. a third-of 

sor~~ctintcc n tliflcrct~l 'strrr~cl~~rtly' 

cnl~1*cd :III~"C~~~~IIIII" 

Ire i~~\tit~~titrr~:~I- 

se\c1;11 ti~~~c,;~!\~cck)or:~ lri~lry 1ri111k lit 

itcd, will^ "tlcvi:~t~cc" Ircil~g lllorc i1111l 

our children 

ccr~~lil hc :I clriltl.e;~rc cccrtcr sul~sitlizcd 

n~crrc widely cc111str11cd to i~lch~tlc tl~osc 

11)' IIIC ~I~~CIIIIII~II~) in \vl~icI~ ;I Irroccstvl~o 

co111d11'l or \voultl~~'t "III;I~~ il" ~II 

siorr ol i~~~liffcrcrrl c:~rc.fiivcrs II~ ilcr~~lrtthe 

society's tcr~~is. AII~ il tied O'OIIIC 

grow up poor 1111 il~#fililic;~tiunh ~ni~~islcrctl lo t\vctrty 

into ;I spirill ol risi11g co~istr~~~crisl ex- 

Ir;~l~ics ltrr tell II~IIII( of :I O:~lry'~ ilny." 

pcct;~ticrns. i111t1 julr ~ri~ltcrt~s \vl~ieI~ IC- 

I7or ;III lrr:~clic;~l ~~II~II%CS, s11c con- 

1l11irci1 l~~rcl~:~sir~g orlc car, the11 two. 'I'll~rsc a,llo s'c tllc rrur~~lros ~ r l cltrtlcs. IJICI~ ;)re "IIIIIIII~~ICS~ Ir;~lri~." 

. allti :1Il tI1c ICSI. 

\VIIIIICII in tl~c I:IIIII~ force sin~lrly ;IS 'l'l~is lrlc:~k picture ~:III Ire l:~itl 

\Vc arc i;~n~ili;~r will^ tllis hislory lor SIII~I~ sort ill viclory lor, or vir~tlic:~li~r~~ clircctly nl ll~c tl~rorslcp of ;I srrcicty 

it ic n sltr~y to t\l~icl~ c:luli 111 11s. ill trllc of. ~~III~II~SIII arc tcrrilrly ~ rlf Irnse. NI ll~nt, 111 ;~d~Ii!ion to its f;1i1111c to proviclc 

uny or :~r~otl~cr. is lirtkctl. Il. Itr tl~c pic- fcr~~inist victory C;I Ire cl:tinrctl trt~lcsc n livi~rg l:lrr~ily \v;lgc. n ilccct~l incotnc, 

lurc nlrc;~tly skctcl~ctl. \\,c odd tllc pro- the individunl has n cl~nicc. n11d nlcrst ilrltl full c~nploy~r~c~~t, II;IS rcfusctl ;lny 

lilcration of govcr~~tt~c~~l;~l politics ~II:II \~~IIII~II c\fl~o ~II to ~ . ~ iln r k 1101. 1.11~ III~~~IIIIIIII ~IICO~IC SIIIIPI~IIICIII policy or 

(lircctly or indircclly i1111ri11ge OI f;1111i- si~lglc fnclor III~II ncc~runts lor Illc tlr;l- suppIe~~ic~~t;~ry cl~ilcl st11rIrtrrt. Social 

lics. ac 11;lvc ;I scnscof rlrr ir~rliluliorr- 11111tic risc in I11e 11111r11rcrs ~rf svrrrki~~g scr\.iccs no\\* ;ire fr:~g~~~cr~lctl i111t1 frclhc 

fanlily-hcdgcd in. ulldcr survcil- wtrt~lcn is i ~~fl~~lio~~--tl~c fact III;II rctll cl~~c~~tly tlcr~~cani~~g 1111tl llicy f~~rtlicr 

Inncc. take11 over. its t;~sks p:~rcil u*:~gcs l~nvct~'l kc111 111) I thc (lisi~~l~crit ;III~ ilclcgiti~~~:~tc p;~rcnts. 

dnsvn. its digr~ity in~lri~ircd, its scnsc of ir~lI;~lior~ rz~lc, It~dcc(l. IIIIIII~ !VICI in- Our \rcll';~rc and rclicf 11olicics. ;II leas1 

inrcgrily crodcd. 

rlic;~tc tli;~l they \\fo~lld r;~llicr not work sincc 1067, pcllnlize ll~c \vclfnrc 

In11 11111~1 to I~C ctlds mccl or sil~lply n~irtl~cr \vllo docs not \\fork ;~niI svhn . 

A 

nlcrican fnrl~ilics Ilnvc Irorric tllc to s~~rvivc. 

tvould, ill IS~ irist;~llccs. tlo a IIIUC~I 

brunt of soci:ll cllnl~gc. SUIC Ec'cn tl~cn. dcslrilc lllc ;~Irsorp~irrn of 11c1tcr jnlr of cnri~~p for her chiltlrcn. if 

of tl~csc clr;~tigcs ;lrc jrotc~~. ~~IIICII it1 llrc l;~lrcrr force, illc C~ru~~cil sllc hilt1 ~ ~iir~i~~~al IICIII ill doitlg so, than 

li;llly for the hclrer-tl~c clla~igcs of CS~~III;I~CS t11:1t n (111nrtcr It> ;I tl~ird of 1111 Illose t~ltcr~~nlivcs I~V ;~c~nil;~l~lc to her 

I~carl. n~icld, ant1 social :Irrnllgclrlcllts An1eric;ln cl~iltlrcti arc born intn 1i111li. :IS sllc is krrcctl out illto tllc jclli i~lnrkcl 

hrot~gl~t about 11). tlic \vo~iien's ~llclvc- lics \vitIt li11:11ici:11 strai~~s so grci~t11r1t ;~rltl prcvc~~lctl frot~~ scltir~g up n viulrlc 

rncnr. 13111 nltl~oupl~ tlrcsc c11:111gcs C;I- cl~iltlrct~ sulfcr basic dclrriv;~tio~~. cvitl~ fanlily cllr'iro~tn~c~~l. 

not hc rejcotctl. lllcir i~~~plc~i~c~~t:~lio~~. I I 15 per cell1 r:~llirlg irelot\* lllc \Vritcs John Ilo~~~nnysl~yt~tr~, nulllor 

at Ic;~sl inili;llly. i~~crcnscsstrt~i~~so~~ 

tllc oflicinl povcrly linc. 1.11~ stnrtli~~p ;lnd of Socinl Il'rl/orc: Cltrrri~ to Jrc.rrice: 

fanlily nnd ~cl~sions ~IIIUII~ fntnily s:~tIdc~~i~g r u t is I tllis coulltry "\\'c hnvc cxtollctl l:~ri~ily lilc but 11;lvc 

rncn~hcrs. 

docs 1101 provide a vi:~lrlc fi~rr~ily WI~C rnrcly nurlurcd it in this society. \Vc 

.nlc Cnrllcgic Cou~lcil nr~ Cl~ildrc~~ for n vcrylnrgc ~i~intl~ity of its nlcl~~lrcrs II:I\*c sot~gl~t to strc11gt11c11 fil~r~ily life 

rcpwts tlial in 1948 o ~~ly 26 lrcr ccl~t ol nntl offers only n ~ilotlcst, eve11 strbsis. \vithol~t providing tllc lrnsic illsritumarried 

wonlcll \vitl~ scl~ool-ngc ICIICC, wilgc tn ll~c nii~jorily. Ycl lhc lio11i11 sul>ports cssc~~ti;~l to c~t:~hlc ll~c 

children workctl outsitlc 111c II~IIIC. By 1111) 20 per cell1 rcccivc 4 l lrcr ccnl of family lo pcrlornl its lr;~sic fv~~clio~ls. 

hlarch 1976. ~II;II ligurc had tloublctl. lllc li1111ily inconlc ovcr:~ll ;~titl o\vri 00 . . . \Vc focus 011 iliclividunl nlld snci;ll 

711c Ctn~~icil conclu~lcs. "Clrilngcs ill per ccl~l ol thc counlry's wcnlll~, cvc~l ~xohlcti~s. So po\vcrf~ll is our CIII~I~I~IS~S 

Anlcriciln l~l~nily strtlcturc 11:lvc IICCII as thc bolto~r~ 23 pcr cclit rcccivc 5.4 011 tllc individu:~l 111;1t. for lllc ntost 

fairly co~~linuclus sirlcc lhc lirsl Euro- per cent oltl~c falllily i~lconlc and II:IVC p:lrt, our pr(rgr:lllls tlcsig~~crl to dcnl 

pean scttlcr~~c~~l, bul lod;ly lllcsc 

cllangcs seen1 lo be occl~rring so rtlpno 

assets nl all. 

'Il~osc wo111c11 \vllo tln work hcc;~llrc 

wit11 soci:ll prtrblc~~~s 11;1vc tc~~tlctl in igriorc 

illc fncr tllnt tllc it~tlividual is 1r;lrt 

idly the1 tllc sl~ifl is IO IUII~~ II sinllrlc of ccn~~o~liic cxigcncy lilltl i~~nilctlui~tc of tllc hltnily unit." 

chtcnsin~~ 111 11111g-ler111 tre11~1s. \\'c d:~y c;lrc, or IIOII~, krr lllcir cl~ildrcri. \\'c Ili~vc speci:~lizctl ill "lrcolrlc- 

Ilavc pilsscd n gcrluil~c w;~tcrsl~ctl: tl~is .I'l~e signs :III(I S~III~~OIIIS 111 IIIC cli~s~ic;~l ul~i~~~fii~~l:" 1rr11gr:1111s, :ISSIIIII~II~ Illill if 

is the first tirllc i r ~ our Iiisl~rry t11;1t tllc sy~rtlrn~~~c krio\v11 ;IS "III;IIC~II:II dclrri. s~rr~~cl~ow svc got the po~rr lo "SII~IIIC 

tjpicnl scl~ool.ngc cl~ilil h;~s n ~lltrlllcr vntior~"-rirorc properly soci;ll, slrtlc- 1111." they \vrr~~ld gtr ;~lrtrt~l crc:lli~~g (lc- 

HIIO svorks o~ltsidc lllc IIOIIIC." 'I IIC tur:ll dclrriv;~lio~~--arc OI tllc risc. sure ccl~t, strivi~~g tniddle-class ln~llilics likc 

Council adds ~II:II sti~tistics, i~tclt~tli~~g cvitlct~cc III cl~ildrcr~ :~h;~~~dotictl to lllc rcsl olus. 

llic 71x1 lrcr ccr~t i~lcrcnse it1 the nullllrcr nvcrcrowdctl. t~~~(Icrs~i~ffciI lrli~ccs 

ol childrcr~ i~llcclctlry divorcc since wl~crc lllcy nre sli~cl~cd ;III~ not tr~~ly 

B 

ut tl~trsc ~~~itltllc-cl;~ss Ihc tllrll ol Ihc ccnttlry, t1111y 11cgi11 to lovctl or c;~rctl lor. hlr~sl ol Illis 

arc in trtrullc t o I II:I\T 

hint :I! lhc slrcsscs 1I1t1t 11;rvc ;Iccotlilm- co~~~~try's severely cntl;~~~gcrcd I%;llrics 

r~~cr~tiu~~ctl tltc crr~otior~;ll 

nicd lllc srrci;~l nrld culttlrnl I~;IIIS~I~III;I- and cllildrcn arc lllc clliltl~c~~ of IVcrty 

Irurtlc~is trf n tlrivcl~, co~~st~lr~crisl 

lions rcs~~l~it~g lrt1111 profou~~d sl~ilts in 

!vllosc ~l~t~tllcrs ;Ire CIII~I~II)~~ i~t ctlios. I'I~osc stri~il~s II;I\*C IICCII cxiIccr- 

the political cco~~or~~y. 

low-ply. tlc;~d.c~~d jt~lrs il~ltl \\'IIo i~rc 11:ltcd ;III~ I~cigl~tc~~cd over lllc 11i1sl live

L ----- ., 

yr:~r\ :IS i111li1tio11 II:I< s~r:~recl ;III~I 

R cssc~~ti;~l to :III;I~II ~IIC III~II~III~I~ Ocilr~ck 

rc:1cl11~1 i~~to tl~c wry IIC;III t~f \v411ki11p 

of IIIIIII:III srcinl csistc~~cc. Wl~nt \vc 

IIII~I t~~i~l~llc~cl;~ss 

/\IIIC~~C:III 1;1111ily litc. 

c;~ll IIIIIII~III C;I~:IC~~~CS co~~ltl 1101 chist 

111 ;III ;~~ticlc IIC;I~~~C~ 4*lic~i~)o~~~ic Reaga I lo~ilics ~~I~IUI. ,IIU~I~;II III~I~I~: ror I~~~~~~~~~ I,. 

S~II~I re Sets 011 Crrlsl~ (111::1111ily'I'cII. i11ps to llo11ri41 a 1):1rtic111;1r idct~l of tl~c 

sions. ' S~CVCI~ v. lorlir~p. :~t~tl guiding tl~c I :~r~icI;~r i : 1 III~ cxistc~~cc pi~ssing year. Ilut. lin;~lly, tllc cvitlcr~cc 

1 111 C I icctio~s. O n I 

111:1t tlocs 1101 rcpcnt ci~rlicr lcr~t~s of fc. of tl~c grcnt ~liflicultics pl:~cctl ill tl~c 1111. 

ICIII tcitll all Illis is tI1:1t a vnricly of ; c orcssi~~ I cxloi~ntir~~. It nl;ltl p;1t11 by cco~lot~~ic str;~i~ls n11t1 

grolll)" iirrcluditrp Icrrrinisls. l~ortroscx- Ictcs f~iilics i t l i I s ~ r i v c fc:~rs, 111c cvidc~~cc of II~IIII~III sorrow 

II:II 1~)l~l~ics. ~>rt~fcssio~~;~ls wlto wo~k wch of IIUIII~III. sl)ci:~I tics. I t II~~~IIS i111t1 C~II~US~L)II n11d tr;~gcrly crcntctl Iy 

\c.illt f:~l~~ilics; i111c1 IIIC NCW Higl~t pro- i t I n1Iir1111ti: SIC o r I tllc c01111ri11cd forces 01 IIIC soci;~l 

I 1 1 I 1st AII~~~CIIIS. I fn~ilii~l tic I c ~fcliliIrc;~ri~g is tvtr~ld, is lor> ~I~IOIS lo ignore. 

'~IIEI'I

l just heart1 the cry; I can still hear it: ~otheG 77,seeks her son 

, 

I 

By TIM GAFFNEY told her It had died. lhat the chlld she dellverod In the old St. mofher abandoned hlm. "I just want son's origlnol blnh cenlflcate. A one. the home, now known ns St. Joseph In- .. . 

Dally Newa S ~fl Wrlter M~~~ than half , century later, M ~ ~ Joseph . Infant Asylum wer a boy. She [hut boy to know I did not wllllngly 'Ume hlordnc reddent, she now llves In lant and Maternity Home. Her mother : 

rl-- hlm up." 

,!lce.-nn* was an unmnrrled Ken. Dnvis, 77, knows not only that her St. Petersburg, Fla. had dled n few months entller nnd she . 

dldn't want her father to know. Mrs. 

ky girl in 1922 when she gave blnh didn't die. but thnt it wns UP has been searchina ,ICE DAV. '.. 

$3 noithe woman's ,Mrs. Davls said only her brother, her Davis 

a Clnctnnntl home lor Unwrd moth- adoption while she wt.5 still llvin~ drlvcn by lhc in a telephone 

real nome. She sud she assumed (he slster nnd on aunt knew she was preg- 

, she says she never saw the bnby, the home. born when she pntered the home, nnnt when she left her northern Ken- Interview' 

I she says P nun It the hume inter Shc didn't lrarn for nearly 58 hls natural that nome probably oppeared on her lucky community to flnlsh her term in See MOTIiER, Pqc 211 , '

, ... . ... -.. - .--.- . I c. salad oil or ollve 011, or some of each 

Contlnucd frum Page IH 

1 T. DIJon mustard She sdd she had Intended to keep the baby. "Of to Mrs. Dnvls. 

Salt and lreahly ground black pepper 

Ulst dale we have no records of any klnd." she wrote 

~ u hot h pepper vuce (~abu'm) about the baby -even lu nx. 

% C. cram, mllk or sour crtam 

M 

%vtr contends that she never redly sumo- 

CAILE-TOP LEMON PLE 

Grated rlnd of one lemon 

MRS. DAVIS admlncd she can't prove thnt a nun 

SHE 

wlth the home deeclvcd h'cr. Slster Morand's letter dld 

MAllRIED yem later and had 'On 

not say whether my record, exlst to 

two daughters. but she never forgot her 

ullbbh what 

flrst chlld; 

her aunt's doubts wore on ber. 

mnQ 

motives or 

lotenliotu,'' Slster Morand'o letter said. She dccllned 

She nude no inqulrlu about the baby, h0wev.r. "I , lntedew with the ~~~t~~ ~ a f l ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ . 

was a Umld, qu1ct-t~ glry who didn't know then 

Mn. how that her son, alive, 

wu my way to check the facts, she slld. 

gets her 

-gc. "I have beer. told that there .rs adoptive 

Ih cry," she slld softly. "And I can stlll hear 

Nplght sldes. 

' 

. . 

A free lnformrtlon prc- 

Uu yw, Mertr Gd. Vim or Mov't 

thorgo. Intn.st,hr byaroy ava~lokb.

~~~ ~ ~ ~~ - 

~ -~ 

lEmRS. 

On the "new" father,the politics of punk, 

and a w a n not to be trifled with . . . 

I cracked open my lortunc cookie at other countrles are bcglnnlng lo tell a dlf- lrom one's peers and rclotlvcs. 

a loco1 Chlnesc restaurant to nnd the fol- lerenl story. 

iowlng message: Work hnrd, save There also Isn't any very good cvl- 

Miclioel Roblnson 

Blwmllcld, NJ. 

money, wife will spend." You might soy dencethatthe tiundrcdsolotlicrcultures 

tlils brand of sexism Is comparatively In the world-many of wlilch arc rcpre- "In my fcrvor to become 

horrnless, but it is the moss.produccd scnted In the North Amerlcon populo. 'the father I wish I'd had,' 

klnd. And I'm sure fortune cookies aren't lion--hove hod tlie kinds ol parental artlic 

only examples. Bubblc gum probably rongcmcnls we are struggllng tochange. 

I started to lose perspective my 

mass.produccs 1k1 share of sexlst Margaret Mead alreudy demonstrated res~onsibi'i~ as a husband" 

moxlms too. It's more than just sugar some of this diverslty 50 years ago. 

that's bad for you. The myth of universality Is a trap. Someone once told me ll~at 'The 

Catherine L Wliile By glvlng bad soclol arrangemenls best thing you can do lor your children as 

New York. N.Y. the power ol a unlversal past, we are a lather Is to be a lovlng husband lo their 

maklng It harder lor ourselves to change mother." Thls adage has tiad o pondcr- 

Thank you for the timely and well- them. If we stop lmaglnlng that thlngs lng relevance to me. 

written artlcles on lhe new fatherhood have been thls way lorever, we may be In my fervor to become 'the father I 

(February, 1982). Letty CotUn Pogrcbin's able lo see more clearly what It is about wish I'd hod," I unknowingly started lo 

conclusions In her artkle, "Big Changes our speclflc Umc and place that supports lose perspective of my rcsponslbllity as a 

in Parenting," arc corroborated by my the porentlng patterns we want lo see husband. Il the present slate ol mothcrown 

research on what iiappens to chll- changed. hood had deterlorated lo becoming a 

dren who arc raised by men alone. Inves- Hanna Papanek burdensome flight for mothers to jourtlgatlon 

of50 lomilies showed that those Center lor Asinn Development Sludlcs ney alone, due In part to latherhood's Idle 

headed by a father provided as rnuch Boston Unlverslty negligence, illen there I was to the resnurturancc 

and warmth as those headed Boslon,Moss. cue. The coped crusader In surgical 

by a mother. The men Uiemselvcs de- 

greens ready, from the moment ol our 

, ;cribed how fathering had transformed I am, by choke, a full-tlmc parent. daughter's blrtti, to attempt to tackle her 

'- them lrom unleellng "Cone-head" types My son Matthew is 21 months old, and I every need. lntercedlng wlth diapering, 

into carlng, gMng adults. have been at home since he was two comlortlng, mldnlglil fcedings, and so 

I belleve, moreover, as psychologist months. Matthew's mother, Kathy, works on. little did I know that what I tlioughl 

Dorothy Oinnerstcln does, that ctiangtng fuil.tlme. I have rend much (If not most) wos a sharing sltuaUon was vlewed inthe 

pradlce of lemale-dominated chlld of the current literature on parenllng and stead by my wife as an overzealous lmcare 

not only will enhance Individual men's family role(s) and found Letty Cot- position, deprlvlng her of the joys and 

, lives, but wlll also attenuate the fact of (In Pogrebln's artlclc to be among the challenges she so much wanted to be a 

unlversal rnlsogyny by removing woman most nonpatronlzlng of them all. I have part or. ResentmcnLs started festering on 

as the unlque object ol infantile rage and found tlme and tlmeagalnthatln my role both our parts: she was feellng as though 

dependency. of primary care-glver I om treated just as she was losing her husband and clilld- 

Deborah Anna Luepntfr, Ph.D., author (perhaps more?) stcreotyplcolly, patron- and galnlng a nanny, while I was becom- 

Chlld Cusldy. Lexington Books izingty, arid cruelly by women and men, ing ovenvhelmed by tlie enormous emo- 

Pliilodciptila, Pa. as many women were---and ore-when tlonal and physical Involvcmcnt, espcthey 

pursue compctltive careers In the clally since I hod a full-tlmc schedule at 

Your February fatherhood issue per- marketplace. work. 

petuates some hoary myths that we Ned O'Maiia's artlclc ("Charlie's Once our leelings had an opporluought 

I@ be exarnlnlny more carclully. Showec CelcbroUng the Expecbnt nityto surface, our only alternative was to 

Fa instance, LcRy ColUn Pogrebln Fatl~er") brought back to me all tlic fears. sit down and set up guldellnes to help 

writes that "after centurle4--even mtl- anticlpoted joys, and unanswerable balance our respective involvement. 

lenla-af neglect, chlidren are discover- questions U~at becomlng a flrut.llme par. wlilch to tiiis day needs contlnual reasing 

their 'other parent.' " ent creates. I sat here with tears in my sesslrig. Wl~ilc some spontaneity may be 

llierc reully isn't any good evldence eyes as I read. Someolltie tcors wercdue forsaken. tlie goln In the "self-dlscovcry" 

lor the idea the! the entire post ol the to a sense ol jealousy at not hovlng Ule Inherent In lathering Is tremendous. 

human race resembles the lamlly ar- klnd ol male supports that Ctiarllc had. Steven H. McCormack 

rangemenls ol nineteenth- arid early Fattiering Is dllflcult in and oll~CIf.AcUve 

twentieth-century Europe and North fallicrlng is more dilncult, in large part. 

Newton, Mass. 

America. Fernlnlst hlstorlans here and in ticcause of the lack of support networks Witli regard to the Issue on iather- 

19112R I'ur.ldbllInE*r.rm.mICnwnunlr*~b,L~(.M~bM~~~vrrrd Il~l~cdarlmnlulIn~r~l~rknl*U~~ll~~~(uhU~l 

Ms ny~r*rllSSflw7 A~IO~I~IIB~~~~~&I~III~M~ 

Farn 

'MhlaCkdmnd~narhr.. 119Wru4D5l~~.Nr~Ynh,nrrYa~ IOIIIIUSA O*.hSlr)nnll,he%~n.r##*iaCa~.r.v*e Re~dn,lCswct.~ wmxl.~l.~~~~lyypa!d.( 

c Vnk. NV., md .I rLl1kmd -l.q~ r*lr.t r4lr.(lon mnrlr, 9218Tn. kNtrrs rh.mjr*lg rcsr~ryvrlc~rr lu M*. Magar-. 119 w r 40 ~ 51rt-I. Nrr vah ny. 11~18 ll,~dr*rd #a*lu. 

UIV* -4rrX k lmllnd uC~.rrm*wnCd!7jlUu!n#mIq*.. Ilahl.%tr ropCs l21m SsAtutlpmr I VI~I I2UO.Zv~rr It2 u).>Ytms IYlm hlllrun#rdYnlq*.q*.#tII mshrv~. 

.hll l.l~rhrrc.ddlJN~ptyrxlapat~.~~~~~~~rwr%lloOrorttyunknnl~~H~ 

M.rlum.Sr*sr*ryunLkputmn. I2JOudrr!Sl.h~,~~~lJM?.R~u!nrnn Flrav 

~md rot" 1979 mu. H~UMW. 12) 0-h Y .n*molo4>~02 RWC~ h ,I,. II,,,,~IY~~., 

w 

~~~ 

~

. . 

, 

EDITINO 

Jane Bosvckl. Palrlcla Cnrblrre 

Jonrrnc Edgnr, Nlr~a Flnkclalcln 

Surannc Brnun Levfnc 

Sumn Mcticnry, Mar(ha Nelaon 

. Lclly Coltlrr l'o(lrcblir 

Gloria Stclrrern. Ruth Sullivan 

Ellcn Swccl. Mary Thom 

EDITORIAL RESMRCtI 

Slarce Crufle. Darcy GlI~,ltr 

Octsy lsrnel. Rllodn Kalc~lnsky 

Dclla Rowfond 

DESIaN 

Dlane Lattrpl~ron.~R~hbln Sclrlll 

:, I 

Desl(lrr consuilanl: Slcve Phllllpr 

. - . - - . 

Lnlrrle H1l5man. Barbara Kraus , 

COWAND PRODUCTION ' .. 

Mnrgarc"llcks(Advenlslng' ' ' 

Nancy Maldn. Calherlne O'linlre . ,., ,i 

Arlene Packles. Joan Ptrllpolt , 

PROMOTION 

Ell~ahclh M. Lang. Cathy L sypal . 

ADVERTISIN0 . . 

Jane Dcrnsteln. Courtncy Dlllcn , 

Elltahlh Grilnn 

Janlcc Orosrmon, Wayne Hcflln 

Anne Ilollon. Rlla Malaleala 

Ka~ROrc.LauraSchro~ . 

Eslhcr Wilson ICInsalfled) 

Reglonal O(llces 

Mldmst Fellcc Arden 

tladassah Lev1 

West: Lanah Jones. Tars Slrnpaon 

PUBUSlIINa 

Patrlcla Carblnc. Susan Hollman 

Georgia Roulals, Arthur Torlow 

CIRCUIATION 

Jane Fox, Elizabeth Jacobren 

Audrcy Wilson ' 

COMMUNICATIONS 

Faye Harvlrr 

Jan'csMi'chc~~~Janc'St'apiro 

CONTRIBUTINa 

lngclmrg Day, Sumn Dworkln 

Barbara Ehrenrelch 

, Marcla Ann Glllesplc 

Cmol Kleltnan. Hohln Morgan 

MaryPcacock.Phylll~Rosscr . 

Claudc Sewan-Schreiber 

Llndsy Van Geldcr. Alkc Walker 

Llsa Cronln Wohl. Yvonne 

. . ' 

ADVISORY IlOAllO ON RFSFARCIt. 

SCIIOIARSIIIP AND EDUCATION 

C1II1.tlnc R, 8llmpson. Chrlr. Doug1.s~ Colle"c 

D~nhlbIlntk.~I~~ir~~l~.~rltx~~I,~~~,r~t,riorml 

. 

Ifru~,lrcll,~fal irillttl~t!ll8lrrlll1l~(u lllc- 

Ad~k~f~wft~c~,tI 01 \V.Cl~nr.s~r CoiIq)e 

' 

1 

.- - -- - - - - 

Ing-It seerns a slionie llint we give men sclf.cngcndcred helplessness 01 a Jarils 

1 

so mucti credit for jusl being overage. Joplln is lnflnitcly preferable lo llic 

Pl~llip A. Wenk numerous all.fcniale bands ilial have 

Portland,Oreg. flowered under tlie loose banner c' 

"punk rock." Tlic loci llial bands llke Ili~ 

Is llic "new" Ms. a father? If so.*hen Au Pairs, the Modcllcs, llie Slils, llic Belle 

dld Uiis sex-cliarige opcratlon lake Stars, llic B.Glrls, and ttle (lo-Go's are 

place? 

not merely cull bonds (Ilic Go.Go's ore 

'Equal opportunity 1alliers"--In a the nrst lernule rock bond In Iilsloly lo 

plg's eyel'rhcday tliey lakcoff from work break lnlo the U.S. top 20) Is a source 

and take on the complele runnlng of ll~e 01 great prldc lo "punk" fcrninlsls llke 

household so that ri~ollicffi con have myself. 

tlmc to "be Involved in the lives 01 tlrelr It rnigli\ be uschll lo polnl out that 

children" al play.. . Illat's !lie day I'll con. I1 was "punk rockers" who started llie 

cede equal opportunlly lalhcrlng. Unlll Rock-Agalnsl-Raclsni arid Rockthen, 

the "discovery" 01 fatlicrhood Is Agalnsl-Scxlsm organlzatlons in Brllnln. 

only another grab for the goodlcs ... llie It is punk rockers who ore rcvlving a 

"joys." N. Sliorpc strong interest In forrns 01 black musk 

Castlelon, N.Y. lrom rliy(lim and blues llirougli soul, 

funk and disco, aRer llic ugly (and racist) 

I read with sadness "Is There Anylhlng 

a 28-Year-Old Can Teach Her 

anti-dlsco backlash 01 heavy rnelal fans 

In the lare'scvenllcs. And It Is "punk rock- 

Teenage Slsler?" by Calliy Cevoll (Feb- ers" who have produced llic rnost effecruory. 

1982). llwe who are In our lwenlles llve prolesl agalnsl violence lo women. In 

and thirties have nolliing totell our sisters Rhoda Dakar and the Speclal A.KA.'s 

that lheydon'talready know. thenour lib- haunting plece about rape etitltled 'The 

eration has cost us dearly indeed. To Bollcr." 

equole sexunllly solely wilh genital actlv- When I see a young wortion like 

Ily Is as allenaung as llic denlal or repres- Cevoll's slsler who is so wltlioul an Idellslon 

of female sexuality. No wonder we lily Uial she must ernulale a long-dead 

speak of the full physlcol expression of counterc~rllurc, I feel sorry lor her. She 

sekuality in negative terms (the loss 01 ccrtolnly can't expect the young men her 

vlrginlty). 

age who emulate the same counlerc~l 

In the ellort to combat centuries of Lure lo bcany different fromllielr predc 

repression of women as human beings cessors. (In my ~~perlen~e.lh~y're just as 

and as sexual belngs we have unlortu- scxlsL) 

nalely managed lo deliumanlze sex. Isn't As long as "punk" femlnlsts like my- 

It time ttial we renllze lhdtyoung men and self ore universally Ignored or conwomen 

need more than birth-control ln- demned by second-wave feminists, there 

formation? Isn't It Ume that we tell them can be no third wave of femlnlsm. It's o 

that sexuality Is a cruclal part of the total shame, because as a ihlrd.generallon 

personality, tile means Ulrougli whlcli we femlnlst (my grondrnolher, was a sufenter 

Into loving relotlonshlps that are froglst) I know how much I owe my preself.enhancing 

not self-destructive? Are decessors. We could learn from each 

we not yet liberaled enough to rccognlze olher, but not unlll we pul our prejudlccs 

tliat lndlscrimlnate sexual actlvlly is not behlnd us. 

synonymous wllli autonomy, and are we 

Deborah K. Lnzarolf 

not secure enough in our own sexualily 

Orinda. Calif. 

to tell that to our sisters and lo our 

brothers? 

"I wanted to keep my child, 

Mary Jo Nolin but was never offered 

Bellicsdn. Md. 

resources to do so" 

"As long as 'punk' feminists like I was vcry pleased lo see 11ie senslmyself 

ate ignored by second- uve, I ~OU~~I~UI letters from two ~dopt~vc 

wave feminists, there can be no mollicrs in the February issue. If more 

third wave ..." 

adoptlve parents lell as lhcy do, birth 

'I' 

mothers would not have lo slrlfer as 

I've nollccd . Uiat feminisls are much. In answer lo sonic Issues tliey 

quick lo jump on Ule bandwagon rolsed: the reason Illat many blrtli 

of support for any lrodlllonai female molhers. Including myself, ore so bltler. 

folkslngcr/songwritcr, and are even is because we were used, because vlr 

qulcker lo condemn all "punk rock." were llcd to, and because we hod no re. 

Apparenlly, ticcording to Calliy cholcc. We syrnpnllilze wilh IIlc pain 01 

Ccvoli and her ilk, the sell-dcslruclivc, women who ore lnletllle, arid know tlial 1 

i 

G'MaJJunr 1982 

A' 

39b 

L

-. ... . . . . . , . .. . .-. ..-. -.-- .-- .-.. . . . . . . .. --... 

, 

-- . 

mosl adoptive parents see ltcelr children that the lack 01 choice in adoptlon is as write lcltcrs to riicrirbcrs ol Corc!jrcss lo 

a5 prcclous lndivlduols, not as com- much o leminlsl lss~te as Is abortion, and ask them lo do what is rlgl~t in oplroslrig 

moditles. Our quarrel Is not witlcadoptlve that llccy will support our elfork to brlr~g all ariticholcc arclendrnerils. My i~ttiti~rl~ 

parents, who lovc our children just as wc openness and iconesly lo the odopllon was ticat I was always loo l~usy and wot~ld 

do, but wit11 the system tlial vlcws a ctillrl system. do It "tomorrow." 

os a cornrnodily, to be sold when pcr- Mary Anne Colcc~i nut altrr I lircished reading "'l'lic 

t fecl, and warehoused in lostcr core If Whippony, NJ. New Danger: A Tlcrcc-Step Ai~ottin~i 

I 

"dornaged." 

Plan." by Lisa Cronin Woicl ("Watch on 

Like many oticcr young mothers, I I read with grcol sadness the letters the Right.' February. 1982), I found tile 

wanted to keep my child, but was never lrom womcn who hadglvcn upachildfor time. I icavc written sonce letters to Conollered 

resources todo so.Adoptlon wos adoption ("Lelters," June, 1901 ). Tlcey gress. Acid I don't plor~ to stop tiicrr. 

no1 my cholcc-it was Ille only door ielt helped me reolizc that I cannot begin lo Ticis letter Is to urge all wornoi to 

open after tliosc who were counseling imagine the great suflcring my birth speak out lor llrcir rights. Mokc lice Iirire. 

me had slammed all the others in my molltcrniusl tcovcexpcrlencedwhenslrc Don'! sit back and lropc someone else 

lace. Tliot this kind of thing is still tcap- ollowed total strangers lo welcome me will speak out lor you. Your lctter toll1 

penlng is os much of an outrage as all tile Into thelr home 21 years ago.. moke a dilfcrencc. 

altempls lo remove the cholcc of abor- . Although I hove never met my birtlc We cannot let tile llu~iian Llle 

lion from women;andyet whcnilcorncs mother, she has a very special place In Amendment or llie lialch Ame~idncent 

lo adoption, and its abuse, many who ore my heart I love her bccouse she had be passed or all that has bcen louglcl lor 

, prochoice seem not to core, while prolife enough courage and love lor me to give and achieved will be lost. 

groups push for more odopllons as a me up. I recognize tical this must hove Please find the lime and ask your 

supposed ollernallve to abortion. The been a very painlul declslon, but I om friends to nrtd the time. We rnrtsl not lose 

reason suppon groups like Origins (26 glad she allowed me to experience the this. 

Highland Avenue, Whippony. NewJersey life and the love my ndoptive lamily Patricia A. Piccardo 

07981) must exist, b because nobody shares with me. Pittsburgh. Pa. 

else understands or cares about us. We 

M. Cecile Slaudcr 

are women who have given blrth, but do Milwaukee, Wis. Lisa Cionln Woiil presents o clear 

not have the riglit to call ourselves 

picture 01 currenl right-wing acllvity to 

mothers. We have become society's I have been leellng a growlng sense prohibil abortion. Those who would dcsgarbage. 

01 anger, fruslrallon, and urgency over troy reproductive lrecdom show wornan- 

I hope that more womcn will realize the abortlon lssue. l had been planning to hatred at lull forcc.Thc proposed legisla- 

. tion will not ellminote abortion; it will only 

end sale, legal abortion. 

CELEBRATE CELEBRATE CELEBRATE 

Still, something nags al me. Wohl's .*.; 

article menlions only reproductive free- 

. . , 

OJMI IJuta 1882 

COMING NEXT IN 

Ms. ~ a~azine celebrates its 

IOth'Anniversary with a big 

July/August Double Issue. 

dom as an issue. In my mind, reproduclive 

freedomhas become lused with rc- 

' 

productive responsibility. Abortion does 

\ represent o victory for Irecdom. And, loo 

oltcn, It represcnls a lullure ol responslbllity. 

Tovicw each abortlon this way is, ol 

course. absurd. Viclims of rape and in. 

ccst do not need counseling on reproductive 

responsibility. Neither docs the 

woman wlco knows that she could never 

bear and raise a hopelessly injured child. 

There are exceptions, and we need lo 

ZOO+ pages of reporting and 

look at people individually. BUI can't we 

special features. .. . also admil iiial a slgnilicont number of 

unwanted pregnancies and subsequcnl 

Great new graphics. 

aborliorcs could hove been avoided? 

Safe, legal abortion represents a bittersweet 

victory. Let us notI>e blind to the 

responsibility we hove to use it wisely. 

.,An unprecedented lineup of 

important writers. , ..,, . East Orland, Maine 

- 

Sure to be a "Colleclor's Item." 

lt's Our Anniversary 01 IC E~~I~II~S.' 

and Your Celebration! 

Lorraine ostergren-~nderson 

"I Thank goodrcess the lir~ie for equal 

[ray lor work of comparable value has or. 

rived, and tiiank you for focusing on It in 

the "Gazette" ('Pay Equity:Thc Job Issue 

February. 1902). AS a! 

nurse I was oilercd o laugl~ol~lc 15 cents 

an.liour raise last year on an Inconic ticat 

was already well below poverty level. 

I 

387

p r o m to by Lo conlael her until 

she wls of age. But I did lind out rhm 

she would k undusllng lut s p ~ and u 

S.vman amnged to hve a member 

of her l ady get Uckr(s to Uu mdwtion 

nrrmonks and she mod bu oldat 

w flew back cuf to atlad. "I .inmaged 

to atand right kslde my h gb 

. ter."Nynmutd"Idooduckm.rI 

mld to hu. I trmehed her nom I 

-. .-. 

A m 

t o m ,*,!me* 

Lllnd b d to k r &uMar.~'l~ 

to. but I'iud tbdkrwidm mud 

those of her p&.;'~shc '11& 

wonderful juat to k Ihere WW ba." 

Nmun raid #he lwk ple(tucs d her 

&&?hm at tbeeemnok. vhUd her 

honk and seonkd out bG.1- dm 

Ing her stay. ''I waated to know mry- 

Mu1 mu!d about ber."shcaddml 

Oie funllv Mad who hdimmn~v- 

man's daughter since sh was a hdy. 

agreed-to ahare pholognphs. csp& 

encer, and memories with her. Nyimn 

SIU cormponds with this wow wbo 

' offers some avenue of hope for hrturr 

conlactrith her daughter. 

"I'm not sorry 'at I fmd her," Nym 

n said of her flvf-war surch. 

~~~ 

"And 

I've accepted the f&t thal for M.. I 

can't bve a relaUo~hip 4th hr. But I 

alsoknow that someday she wlll want to 

mr!ctmeandlllbc he&." 

If Marianne Hymm's mry hasn't 

quite ended "happily ever alterwas yet, 

Jw._Vplanueva's has. l'he regional 

coordinator ol CLLB;Vlllanueva urn trr 

stmmmtnl in -forming the Colorado 

chaplcrof UteorganiraUonIn 1978. 

A Denver reside'nt. Vihueva was 17 

yea13 old when she reIlnqulahed her 

baby boy. "My lamlly never talked 

about It for years." she sald. "It was as 

UL had never haowned. MY family out 

ItoutofUHirmlnd;but~neder~otllk'' 

When dK became involved with CUB. 

UH idea of finding her cud beeune a 

rrallt~. VUlnnueva sald ?hrowh Ur d- 

forts ii UM organization, rbe 6und her 

son, who rsr Uwn 1) years old, U*& 

PnmPylvanbd(bough he had bmn 6 

s&y$$.t& 

b,& it 

.. . , .. 

I 

earenw thmunh an intcnncdlarv. VUla. .. mediary deliver a letter from her whlle 

nueva mld. "f didn't want conl&l with he was-at barkelball camp Ln Puuuylhun 

at lust," she uphtned. "1 onl) ranta. The Lntennedla~ reported that 

aanled(oknowlhalhe wasOK." Vlllanueva's son wan at lval shocied. 

Evenlurlly. ell conlael with her mn'r lhen UrUed lo hear Crm hls b h 

adoptive parenu went Uuough a law- mob. 

yer, VUnuevn sald. "1 wrote my son "Five day8 Lstu.1 got a alr-plge ktletters, 

but Uley wwe never given tt (LT hil~ Nm, uldng qucs(ima and tellhim 

and I didn't renlvrury corrupoo * Lng. me Uut bk adoptlvo puents hd 

dace for (hree yean." ~ . l l u l nelvabmnhlmUrWa.!hdbml 

Um she saw pictw oI her son Le 

thm years belme. He'd bd no idea I'd 

kcn-&in# to cqlt.ct !dm,'.' VULnIJ~: 

aatd . . 

ts hve rgreed to kt tbdr mn vlrlt his ' "great." she sald k harbors ;6.6lk;$':: 

Wh mothrr In Colondo wer wring nes or anger toward her. "Hc apt, 

break. At lhmt Lime he will mect VJUa- 

j 

nacva'a ather two children, a !bycar- 

u his leelings eaily." she ulb;@a. 

past monUui I'vc fuund thnl o'&. 

dd boy anda girl. 10. .. loviny, him because he's my m1.1~: 

:' 

. Vihuevr said bcr son's leltrrs are : IikeNm." .:; .. 

. - . ----..-,

, . . . '(. . Loul!4vlLl.~ll~ll:~ I.,\VA3 1'111, \I.l\S 

CUB lends s upport to birth mothers in search 

IlY CllARl.OnEhIINOR 

~nd~dnp~l~c~mnt~lsr~~r~te~~latcol~m. 

. Ilbc nanlrnnl tlvr l*n ln~l~~lllr r8)rnnn in lmmlln#thethlldl~anrlmn~llmp~~lhlr lank. 

lhelnll~~l~~ $lor, l!#bebeen'hanptml tlttr 10 rllhdartn~lnmmtd~I!alontihrr~y. And, 11 

the wnd~lte nature "r II,~hjeo. and ~k Ihc&plltr prrcnls a n flnslly localcd. ~Iwy 

rrrlll~ll#nlr*hlrhha~oPtnhrrn.!lachrdro cflrnr~nlnolhln~lndorllhlhr blnhrrrrnl. 

romrn In lhrlr rltum~lnn. Ihc Tlmr~.N..e "lhty don't undrtslmnd lhll rc re not 

Ircnsnllrl lllc n~nlnl~ct~lal nnlvre nl lhk ~r~r~hit~pIot!hrrn bcrau~crr~snl lo hr lhc 

mhlr md Is *Illln~~odo an anlrlr fmm tht cl~lld'8~~r~nl.hul~lmplglulrllhrrhlldLt~ou 

rtlpcrlltr of *dc?plhr parml. I1 the, IInaln tlarknrr~rln#orlo$connutpart lhal 

dlsaprrr nIth ihc it.\lr tenets of cun and Ird lu oat u#rtrndrrln# lhrm hr .dnplh?n:' 

*suldlll~lllclll~ppo~ln#~Icrplnl~~prrsrrd Anneerlrl."Ibrm~jorl#jcrfu~rrrr#oldrr#l~e 

- Elllmt!rl ... . .. 

llmrIIuanlhrbcslihlnalndo.lhllrrrcrm'l 

1rra.l and Annr atr arnLsul8~illr mvlhrt$ reads 1'3 lit prtcn~s."~ 

-hn ~rl~~r~lhlllll~r~rll~r$.llhldrrp~rrm Annr uar I7 *hm ihc na,r hlrlh lu r 

n.8t.l.r~ $ * 8~~uIIhr nl~ll~nnrcl~~lhrrrnmrn dat8 ~ l ~ ~ ~ ~ d I9hlls. u ~ lSlae~abll~lf~~ 

n ~ ~ h ~ l ~ ~ e 

In Ihc Ut8l!ml Slalcs she share Ihe same ill~l!rtf~thrrrtlh~tlmc.a~hrrparrn!sr~rc 

\t'~r~l.lhn,! *4~~ll~llikr m~ce a c h ~ In ~ !he ~ e dl~~~tcrd, llrr mothrr her ncrrr bcrn lnld 

tau*, lsvs rhlchthrs icrlatt .nllqur$rd ID aboul lhr hirlh. 

lhrlr r*~phr%h an it.lntnlnlnp an aur. d "I mmlc one mlslalr. ond I dldn'l crrn 

-IIICC! nrs(mlnd llle %uhjc

- 

,C.-^'-".) ............... ". . ......... 

..I- 

. . . .. -. 

I 

. . 

Htll., NIIV. U. IW ; I.01'19Yll.l.tTIMIl )AY~ENE\)R 

VAf:l 11 

,. . 

I .,,' 

---- -- .- -- ---- - -- . . 

t-#*,".l, 

.. . . ... 

? 

-.-- 

I'Whelrns IW~n-nl rmns wh.1 

r*rr)~nelnldmtrl~lhmlr~tt).)r.tlhr~.m~ 

hy. Ihc 'lirknc%s'krpt mmlnl hark. I muld l"f~~r"ln1l~~nIla~ulCURICnnrrrnrd Unllrd "Allhou~h lhr pal~lhlly tu~rculndinp 11 1. Cl!lih~llc~c~~l~~~,u~~d~~ 

~ n l t l ~ ~ ~ t ~ 

nrtrt fnrgrl hrr Whdq and 1.d keep nl~lfv~~rcnlsl rmn he nhlalnrd b *rilln# 10 .ilsrl new. lhr Intpultr olthr adnpice lo .~,lrm ~f sd~~rll~~n, rrs 11 nwcaqh r 1.1 I1,r 

Ihlnbine. 'Wh~~mlmc~hlc1ap~~lthl~~~~~ 

l',o. 110% 219lii, Ilcnvct. CO hl2. trrh is not." wrvrdlop to the CUD ~~l~q,!i~cltlrn~lrl,~ulnrt~I 

n!ymlndll~e*.yn~mr~ddm~l-ld?~" I"dlrld"al* Inlrtrslcd In tttidcrlng fw mphlrl. "lhr $uf~dlI~&'s qucsl L.1 his 

. 

rztlo~i~~nrl tlrmrac. 

lnhfrn18lbn .ln~sl hlrlhpamnt~ m ,dull ~~~rnlntlglnsls~~n~~~f~I~catthclyp~l~hrmrr 

lhr rcrrnlmtn~~nd~uli~.lrrlln~s rmonly *d~pl~~~tl~~*~ltlInn~carrh.m.ymnlarlIhe Illrra~urr.llw in>pal,r it hs11t nslutal and 

dhl nn~ 

dlmlnl$h WII~ iime: ~ t , ~ ~ ~ lo ~ C*Iumdo t i ~ ~ Volton~~ry r d Adaplhn nal~stq, 4110 ,1,~. WI,SI II,~ ll~llp~rr seek, I, not ''11,~ I~II~~II~Ic ~~~I~~IIcI~I~ 

i~,~1---1 

btblld otrr !he fun. c ~nnib~ll~~ 10 her llth Aw.. Iknlcr. CO W220. 

rv' ,ri pa,mlr, ,I knoulnlgr hi, nl~l~~~otp~i~~r~~t~~l~ 

ialltr llllll.ll?lll.. 1'#*1.~ 

vi,aleludurr was tk fa, that -11 .[I. 

I I : I I I , 

6 1, 

Anrndltl~ In pemphlrf nbru~ CUR. the pi., I,IQ r~~,nlc. ~ultut.~ nn,~ bl,*.,ic.l sI?.wr~ lohr tl~rr*a~c~~l.c.~rlc 

I , lmur rrl hltmrd lomccl oh. nerd, MI~O,~ t#l,,,-ln ,I~o,I. the mmr~r~illn "I hi, tl,,. nxc~!8tl~crst1 lltc .~,I~~I~II~v ttiat~::~~~: ~t,, 

hrmvrzrhc tr~~~Rh[~lrIl~dc.~~lh~~h.i~ *hn hrmme dlrirtl*r~d with lhc a~tlly. ,.~,,,l,l,lrl rrral>." 

: Anne wld. . 

.... - .. 

39f

PAGE 12 

', . . " C.. 'i, , .. 

~~nllnu~dIra~~W 

I T . 

\vl~crcab~~uts. to no avail. 

"I've dunc cvcrythin~, nnd aolhing has 

pnnncduut, bul I'nl not going h1q11it." Anac 

said. 

Allln~ugh il \vas nlntost unl~cnrd of lor an1 

unrvcd lcctlager to kccp hcr bnh! in lhc 

slxtics. when bolh Carol and Anne had lllcir 

do~~gl~tcrs, ntli~uclcs have cl~arrgcd sun~cwllnl 

in the past 10 years. 

"In thcsinties, morrnlurwcrein~hcclosel 

for years nnd pnrs, nod singlc pnrclllin~ 

wnsn't evcn ronsldcrcd an optiirn." Carol 

said."Tl~coptionstl~cn~crc to gct nlnrried or 

give the chlld up, Today. things llavc 

chn~~gcd." 

Anne said she ran still rcn~cmbcr hrr socinl 

worker tclllng hcr. " 'Giving up lhc bnby Is 

1110 nrost unselfish thing you can cvcr do.' 

"Thccounscllng wassohiascdbnck then." 

she said. "Nowadnys. cvcr).onc qurstiuns 

au~htrrity, hut ltli-11 wc %err tl!!~!tl lo ohcy 

wlin~cvcrtl~eourl~urirics told us. Thc sllualiun 

is diffcrcnt tudny. Teen pregnancy Is slill 

happening, bet more girls arc havir~g 

abortions or kccping thcir babies. Tbcy evcn 

have tccn pnrcnling clnsses now." 

Anothcr laclor adding to the bittrrncss fcll 

by trot11 wonlcn is that socinl workers lhcn 

drillcdlromc lltclhcn~c thnl two parrnls were 

tlcccssary for n hnppy child. 

"We were lold thc bnbics u~ould IIC plnrccl 

In ~l~cschnnov. two,nnrcnt l~orncs, nrrd tllcy'd 

Nci~her ('nrol nor Anne has cxl~rric~~ectl o 

prethle~~~ which has 1111tl1i.r ~~~~~i~ltlcrcd 

11111cr 

\vnnlctl \\~II ~ivc up hntrics fnr ndol~lion ns 

tccnnarrs. 

"ll~irl!...ic~c~~ l~rrccnl 111 s-llntcn $vla~'t.c 

g1vc11 ul~~cl~ilcl forntlol~tic*~~ 1111vr hrcn ul~nl~lc 

lo linvc nnull~cr child, dlir It* p\ythnl~~{:irnl 

rrnsnns or inlcr~ility tl~rn~scl\cs or tl~clr 

IIIIS~RIII\." Clnrtli snit\. "Six in our ~~IIII~I t~f 25 

CUJI n~c~~~lrcrs hart. 11;il~l Illill pre~lrle~~~;" 

CUlls~irnnr!~~~~in 

. ., . 197b,nl1crn1l11lt ntlo~~tecu 

slnrlcd a a~encn~r~~l 11ltl1cir oivn. nlt~ltl~rtit~~ 

lo Icrcnlr l>irth(~nrr~~ls 

ll~e!. 1vII they hnd n 

rifihr 111 know nl111u1 ll~cir l~t~rrditnr,v 

l~nck[:rc~t~r~cl 11nc1 r11i-~llcnl III+II*~~. raiol snl~l, 

"I1111 il goes Iir!.cln~l tllr e~~r~licnl l~isl~~ry." 

sllc cxl~l;~i~~ctl. "Tllc!. also ltn\.c n nnt~rrsl 

ruricrsil!. nI111ut ~\II~I they 11r11k like, n desire lo 

know thrir ran,~c." 

1:1~rCLlIl n~cn~I~i*rs, 1111c~11llrc ISI dilfic1111 

ns 1ccl~1~fco111it1~1~uI~~l1I1rrl~1l;clls 

tcllll~g Illc 

cllfld;c;l 1l;ey'vc 11nd nllcr tt~nrringc~hnt they 

I~nvc n irnll.sil~ling so~~~~.ul~rrc, orcurcling tu 

Anne. 

"Tl~nl's IICCII lhc hnrrlrsl pnrl for all lllc 

wotttvn III 111c firt>lq?, or 11-Il111g tl~clr 5 11115r if 

thc S~I'UW cl~tesr~'t krltts.." sllr snict ";~IIII 

rcnlly dc111'1 rnrc \VIIUI (.1*ur lric~nds think. 1,111 

11's rcvrnlinfi the scrrrt lo innlily mcmhcrr 

~vlio'\~r I1cc11 ht.111 ill tl~r ~Intk ~II~I's dlffic~~l~." 

All CLli1 111cn111ers \VIIIIILI llkc In scc nlcrrc 

ron~n~~~aicnlin~~ bcl\\ree nrl~,l~titu ntrd birth 

parcilts. nnd lltc ~~r~n~~i?.nlit~t~ 

olflclnlly 

cndorscs tile risnc~l~l of IIIIUII~ l'nhlr 

Adnplian (ROTA). Nnt to Ire ct1111uscd rlth 

npcnnd~~pli~~rr, which rt~cu~r~l~nsscs \lsltollon 

rlghls. RDI'A nll~~ws furcrlrrrlr 01 cholcc for 

bollt I~irtl~~~nretrts arnl ntl~~(~tivc pnrcnls. with 

an nge~~ry~rrndr~~~~ic~nl~u).cr~~~i~cllatl~rg 

n [~lan 

nn~crrnl~lc (11 he~rlc pnflics. 

"I ll~ink P~IIIC~II~II RIIII VIIIIIIIIIIII~~~~~I~ arc 

tl~cc~r~ly~vnyt~~l~~l~~ll~c 

\il~~;~tit~~~."('nrt~l sniil. 

"Arlol~ti\r I ~ L I lur~l~~r~~tly Itnvc 

ttlirconrc~~ti~~ns nllt1111 \% Ilnl lllr I ~irll~l~~~rnts 

lot~ribtlo~~tedcl~ll~nrindu~bclr~~rni~ecl 

11). ll~c lm~, II&L$ r~ri~lrtl illis ej~olc sl~~~itlne. 

n sil~glc parcat nnyway." Carol said. Srcrel, rl~~rrrl nrl~tl11i1~11 is ~>~~ltlnlc~l t~ulny," 

-

'IGAW UP MY BABY..! 

they gave up for adoption 

rn#!#dl arr u,rlnl. ALmc Ih.v t~8sda.s. 

~""'II~I nrf,.,l#L. ~II..). !*I1 C*.', "I 

l,>blm~.llcm inm, "Cl,"",. rl~lr.l.).. 

lttll*. ... 

llvt t"1.t". L,"rn. Lh Ihr i,.,,tr 

A d 1111 lone ark. 

"Yna lu~l Ira 1~1.m d~s ih kll,." 

C,%,I "7. 

,\,r tht.1, ",~,l,,~l. lllr,:nl~ 

"Nn, h~ol a Ihsl ~ ~ I ~ M ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I ~ 

*'*I. I1 ,I". rjin,.,v. L,,m I." tlr.?dll 

*Ilrl ,I,,." dl,, lhrr ,1

7 

_. ..- . . .. . .. . . _ _ _ . . .. ... 

- 2 '. 

-- --. . . .- - ..-. 

4 

The nuns said I had to give up 

118" ~I~II~I~c" thvy "y ll,ry w,,* I,., 

y8W"I '7, 1111 ,".PI IU leer. 

"I had 9" nlv~ !vp my

... 

-...... ........ "----*,",- .----. 

L 

., .. ........ ' ..!..;c...' ....". 

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.: ....... :. . . . . . . . . . . 

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, . . . . . . a ,/,,;:. _:,. . . 

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. . . :, : ' . , 

................. . . 

: .:.. 

. . ., Volume Tcnlfdumbor ~lve 1978 ISSN (03 ig-14q3)' , . ' . ' I".. Journal ,: . . 

. . 

,.: :-V,~L~ME;,T~N/NUMB~R:FIV~~;I,~ 

. . 

. . ,, . , '! : .;............. , , 

. . 

. . .

Family Involvement 

VolumeTenlNumbor Fivo 1978 ISSN 1031 9-1443) 

- ----- 

Family threat 

Editorial director 

by JOHN L. BROWN. FRSH. ACSW, AGPA 

JOHN L. BROVVN 

FRSH. ACSW. AGPA 

Edltor 

GLORIA SHEPHARD 

Circulation and 

production co.ordinator 

CHRISTOPHER MORDEN 

Photographs 

F. ROBERT OPENSHAW 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT JOURNAL 

P.O. Box 936, 

Station K. 

Toronto, Ont., 

Canada 

M4P 2H2 

Family threat 

by John Brown Paye 1 

A birthmother looks at ndoptlon 

by Stephanie Tay page 12 

Early childhood autism 

by John Carew page 29 

Roviews page 4 7 

is published by Canodian Educational Programmas 

and is a member of tho 

Canadian Periodical Publishers' Association 

Thero Is a movement currently in voguo in 

North Amorica - and maybe olsowhorc, 

but tho movoment in North America is tho 

one I am most familiar with - to grant 

childron soparato and legal rights. Tharo 

hova boon a number of dramatic accounts 

in the media of children who, with the holp 

of lawyors. hnvo suod their parents for 

support, or hava sued adoption agcncios 

for not having put thom up for adoption, 

otc. Gonoraily, tho plea is that the child is a 

soparato baing who has soparoto individual 

and legal rights and that those soparato 

rights should bo ostablished in law. In 

Canada, thcso individual rigtits don't exist 

for childron or adults, we exist at tho pleasura 

of tho stato. A child has tho samo 

rights as any other individual parson has. 

but thcso rights havo not boon recognized 

in practice. Children havo always boon 

treated as though thoy did not hnvo tho 

samo legal rights accorded other persons 

and, in consequence of that, childron liava 

been subioctod to all mannor of cocrcivo 

rnaasurcs which forcod thom to submit to 

treatment or placomonts that woro inappropriate, 

or oven harmful, once thoir own 

family was taken out of tho picturo. 

bohaviour, was tho least dosirablo and tho 

least likoly to hova considoration given to 

hini wlion peoplo plannod for his caro and 

treatment. Then it would go on up tt~rough 

the scalo through nourotic childron. 

psychotic childron. n~entally rotordod 

children on up to brain damaged childron. 

Bocauso if you could identify soma typo of 

brain damago, it was moro likely that you 

could establish services tlrat gave tho child 

more. It was as though the brain damaged 

child had an "accoptnblo" handicap. It was 

as though ha and his parents wero absolved 

from blamn for that handicap and so doserved 

batter or morn costly sarvicos. 

For many years, vory littlo was dona for tho 

mentally retarded child becauso familios 

wore ashamed of having a mentally retarded 

cliild and often kept thorn hiddan away 

at homo. or plocod them in institutions and 

triad to forgot about them. But as families 

got organizod, tho ralardod child achicvcd 11 

tiighor status in torms of nttcntiot~ and cart! 

from society - not as a result of pressure 

Iron1 lawyers, profcssionals in human services 

or govornnicnt. oithor civil scrvatits or 

politicians, but as a result of fanlilies 

demanding moro support and hclp with tho 

spacial needs ol thoir rotardcd child. 

Familios organizod, lobbied and demanded 

that tho rights of rotardod childron bo 

rocogtiizod. Familios aro just now beginning 

to gain accoptancu of tho rotardcd chilcl's 

right to service within his own family. 

This was a matter of groat concorn to us in 

our carliar work becauso we roalizod that 

not only was the child without lcgnl rights 

in practico, but lie liad vory few liurnan 

rights. This was, of course, particularly truo 

of tho cliild who lied been idont~fied as a 

~roblom. tho cliild wlio had ;I dilficultv 01 

I 

somu kind. All those chilcfron who woro in 

arly way deviant were lumped togctlier But always, in our cxpcrienco, the child 

that tho dolinquent, or acting out cliild wlio child wlio wasn't rticc and obedient, the 

uxprossed his problem througli disruptive child wlio ilctod as if ha oxpactad sonie 

VOLUME 10INUMBER 5 1 

Contonts copyright @ all rights reserved. If 

quoting any of this motoriol acknowledge 

mont must be given to author and Family In- within a graduation of acceptability. So who prnser~tod buhaviour problems. tho 

volvamont Journal. Permission must be obtainod 

for reproduction of more than o few 

scntonccs for roview purposos.

consideration even thouoh he was an or. 

phan. or a foster child. or hadn't adjusted 

to adoption, or whatever, a child who 

didn't take Iris "come-uppance" lying 

down, this type of child was seriously 

abused and neglected in terms of having his 

rights protected. The state as parent has 

always lailed the children taken from their 

families. No amount of legal rights will ever 

protect the child unless these rights begin 

with the statement that no child shall be 

over arbitrarily separated lrom his family. 

We become interested in this because we 

felt that a child has certain basic rights, certaln 

basic human rights, and we started our 

programs on the premise that the alternative 

care that was offered to a child away 

from his own family should, as a minimum. 

at least be equal to what he would have 

gotten in terms of human care had he not 

been removed lrom his family. We tried to 

go further than just physical care. We tried 

to prov~de love, involvement, concern, 

commitment, advocacy, all those kinds of 

dimensions that should be part of what a 

child should be guaranteed as a basic right. 

Even though we weren't his parents, we 

were sponsored by his guardian or parents 

to do a job for the child because of the 

problems that he liad. We always addressed 

ourselves to the question. 'What 

would we do for this child il lie were our 

own?' We said, treat the child as though he 

were our own, as a means of communicating 

that we recognized that the child 

with problems shares the same needs that 

any child has and that these needs can best 

be met within a functional fam~ly model 

that approximates the family care, love and 

support of the extended lamily in nature. 

We liad a number of court cases that we 

became involved in because of this. The 

llrst one never became a celebrated case 

because by the time we got into wardship 

court an arrangement had been agreed to. 

That was the case ol a girl named Betty 

who liad been mode a ward ol a Children's 

Aid Society, and whose mother had sub. 

sequently married. We found Betty's 

mother for her and got them back together 

and the mother wished to have her child ro- 

turned and the child wished to be returned. 

At that time there had been no case of o child 

having wardship reversed to the parent. 

During the preliminary discussions we were 

told that tho difficulty was that it wasn't 

legally possible. according to the spokesman 

for the Childten's Aid Society, to 

reverse a wardship decision. Once a 

child had bean declared a child of the state 

that was the end of the matter: there was 

no legal way you could. at a later time, 

declare the parents fit parents and have the 

child returned to them. Family failure was 

seen as irreversible. We challenged that. 

We worked it out with the parents, with the 

child, with tho Children's Aid Society and 

with the juvenile court judge who was quite 

agreeable to reversing the wardship procedure 

and Betty was returned to her 

mother. I heard from her many times after 

that and, as far as I know, she has lived 

happily ever after and is still doing so. 

somewhere in Eastern Ontario. 

The second case we dealt with, again, did 

not become a case in law becouse we were 

able to resolve it outside the courts. This 

was the case of two girls who had been 

made wards of the Toronto Children's Aid 

Society but who remained under the watchful 

eye of their father. He had never accepted 

the fact that he had been deemed 

incapable of coping with them and he had 

continually hassled the Children's Aid 

Society. Furthermore, he lied refused to 

pay the fee that had beon assigned at the 

lime of the werdship hearing as his con. 

tribution to the cost of their care. So not 

only was lie obnoxious in his dealings with 

the Children's Aid Society, he also refused 

to moot his financial obligations to them. 

We became involved with this man alter he 

had tracked down his children to our treatmont 

facility in Newmarket. Ontario. We 

began to work with the father and the 

mother. Tcdda Petri, a Dutch social worker 

who *was a member ol our staff at that 

time, was extrenioly tactful i~nd sensitive in 

her work with families, helping to bring out 

the strengths and good qualities that parents 

had around their children. She spent a lot 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

of time working with the lather and the 

rnotlier to ro.establish thc~r parental confidence. 

Evontuallv, we reached an agreement 

with the Children's Aid Society and 

the courts to return the ch~ldreri to their 

oarents. First we returned the older 

daughter, then the younger daughter, with 

a three-month intervnl between them, so 

that the family could become used to 

having children in the houso again, and to 

toking care of them, and also to repeat their 

original experience of having the first 

daughter alone with them for a whilo before 

tho second daughter was born. The child. 

ren, too, had to reloarn to have confidence 

in their "unfit parents" being in fact fit 

parents again. This placement, too, was 

successful. The children went home, and of 

course, like any other family, they went 

through all the problems that come with 

growing up, going to school, getting a job, 

getting married, and so on. The father died 

while the children were still in high school. 

but tho mother continued to raise the children 

and. as far as I know. this was another 

case of the successful return of children to 

thcir parents. 

Tho first case of this kind that became a 

case in law was the Langtree case. This be. 

came o teaching case, not so much 

because of what it taught about the rights 

of the cliild (the right to treatment and 

carol, althouyh that cortarnly came into it, 

but because it dealt with the problems of 

funding. Basically, what this caso established 

was that a munic~palily from which o 

child came could be charged with tlie costs 

of the child's trcatment and care in a facitity 

outsldo that municipality. We had to lest 

that principle in law and we won the case. 

and that became the first. thin edge of the 

wedge in terms of childron's rights in On. 

tario or, more specifically, the rights of 

omotioriallv disturbc!d children in Ontario. 

I am going into this litstory in some detail 

because I think it is important to under. 

stand that you cannot work in services 

lor children in Ontarlo w~tliout be~ng con. 

corned about children's rights. You cannot 

deal with tlie public school systern, you 

carinot deal with the luvenile courts or the 

government of Ontario, children's agencies 

and hospitals without being concerned 

about childron's rights. It is important to bu 

concerrred about children's r~ghts, but tho 

direction your concern takes is also impor. 

tant. You cannot separate the cliild from 

his family wlien you talk about Iris rights. 

Yet in all tho history of family and child law in 

tho Western world, certainly in the United 

States and Canada, the lamily and child 

lravc been separated more and more. Our 

social servicos separate them, our courts 

separate them. 

The adult may be capable of surviving that 

kind of hurtful separation experience and 

may be ablo to continuo to lunction, more 

or less adequately, afterwards, but the 

child needs a family In which to grow and 

mature. The role of the state is not to be the 

parent or family for a child, but rather to be 

tho sponsor of programs that help families 

meet the needs of thcir children and them. 

Selves. 

Because this is so, separating the child 

from his family has been something that we 

have worked against over the years. We 

have always said, a chlld has his basic 

roots and you cannot ignore the existence 

of those roots without damage to him. The 

essential part that the ancestry of the clrild. 

the relatedness he feels to his family, plays 

in tho development of his uwn sense of 

values, of self-worth, has been described in 

more detail in the article on "Rootedness".' 

Because we have always recognized the 

importance of a person's roots. while we 

have worked lor the rights of the child, we 

have also worked for the right of the child 

to have his family and the rlght of the family 

to have its child: we never separated those 

rights. The child cannot grow and mature in 

a vacuum, nor can the legal statutes that 

spell out a child's rights nourish, care for. 

love or protect him. 

Now. what I'm getting ro is that in the 

Present big push w~tfi~n the legal profession, 

rho (ieople who are sponsoring legal 

r~glits for children seem to bc approaching 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

tlio whole liold in a rather naive way. Tliey 

are acting as though the cliild can liavo 

rights separatc lrom tho faniily when, in 

mality. all of tho individual rights that you 

could acquire for a cliild would st111 leave 

him naked and alone if you haven't also 

declared tho right of the child to his fam~ly 

and the right of the family to thcir child and 

the right ol both parties to support and service 

in the fernily's ollorts to ralse its cliild. 

ren. 

As I see it, tlie child must first be under. 

stood in terms of his noed for family tics. 

lor family support, for family belonging, for 

family care; then we can talk about tho 

rights of the child within the framework of 

the family. Bccauso if, in the act of declaring 

individual rights for the child we absolve, 

or remove, the family from the child. 

we have then dono more harm to tho child 

than all of the indiv~dual rights that we have 

assured for him can compensate for. 

We need to got back to a more careful 

analysis 01 what it is that a human child 

needs. In the Browndale movement we 

have some formulations that we have used 

for a number of years. We say, you should 

approach the child you are trying to help as 

a whole human being with all the needs 

that ovary human child has, plus those 

spocial needs that bring him to our atten. 

tion, or into our care. Along with that, we 

have always said that every child has a 

noed to be intograted into his fam~ly, a need 

to exist and function within tho family unit. 

Thet through that family unit tho child 

bccomes a part of the social order that 

makes up the community in which tho child 

and family live. 

Nothing that wo do to protect the individual 

r~ghts of mothers, lathers or children 

should intorlore with that relationship hotweon 

the cliild and tho family. Everything 

that we do as a socictv. 3s professional 

people, sliould bo done to enhance tliat 

relationship, lhat bond, tliat structure, to 

SL'Cilro it. to makc it strorlgor and to makc 

communtcatlons botwcen the menibers 01 

the fanlily rnore liclplul to tlie child. Wo 

must then. once this is decreed, address 

oursolvcs to creating a society that has 

somotliing lo offer botli child and family. 

My concern with tho peoplc working in tlio 

legal rights for children movement is that 

they bocornc blinded by their enthusiasm 

for individual children's rights to tho point 

whore they rob the child of the family. They 

don't see that without tho child boing 

related to the family individual rights arc 

meaningless. Individual rights for children 

assures statc control over the child but it 

does not assure the child a lamily unit to 

grow up in. State services have, historically, 

failed children more consistently 

than families. The state as parerlt has boon 

a dismal failure in the United States and 

Canada. 

We are going to have more and more cases 

in which the legal rights for children movement 

is going to lead courts to separate 

children from families, only to find that 

those cliildren arc never again properly 

cared for in family structures. Only to find 

that thosc children are handled by indif. 

ferent people who are not related, are not 

invested and that the children aro basically, 

fundamentally and permanently alienated 

from tlie rest of society as a result of that. 

Only to find that thoir legal rights have beon 

a hollow victory bocauso it lost them thoir 

families. Evory statute that has beon 

designed to protect tho child has endangered 

tho child because these protec. 

lions did not at tho same time protect tho 

child within the family structure. When the 

child's rights dcmand that ho coma into 

care, his lamily must come with him. This 

can only be done il tlie service is brought to 

the family, rather than the child brought to 

tho servlce. 

I boliove lhat it is a very dangerous stop 

tliat is boing taken at tho prosent limo and 

on0 which noeds to be corrcctod. But I loar 

it is not going to be possiblc to correct it 11 

we got Into a liasslo ovor the wrong issuus. 

The legal rights for childrori (~ooplc should 

be able to accopt legal rights lor childrr?n 

within tho framcwork of tho family. What 

am afraid may happen is that when we try 

lo steer the discussion toward the right of a 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

child to a family taking precodonce over tho 

child's individual rights, we are going to be 

cr~ticized for interfering in the movement 

for children's rights. Although it is obvious 

from my own personal history, and from 

tho work in Warrendolo and Browndale, 

that we have always been the champions 

of children's rights, but we have always 

soon children's rights as being, of necossity, 

within tho framework of the family, 

not separate from the family. Evidence of 

this is tho present situation whero the legal 

rights for children organization recently 

started in Ontario has been unable to idontify 

itself with the Browndale movement 

which not only fought tor childran's rights 

but established services that rnake 

children's rights meaningful. 

I cannot think of anything more harmful to 

children., or to families and to society in 

general, than to have children's rights 

championed separately from family rights. 

Within an adversary legal system, where 

there has to be a contest, rather than a 

resolution of differences, the child, tho 

family and society lose. In a situation 

where tho child stands on one side and the 

rest of the family stands on the other, fattening 

the pocket books of the lawyers 

who represent them, they become implacable 

adversaries and it is impossible for 

a resolution of the problem to occur. Our 

social ordor is threatened when children 

and families are alienated, or treated as 

though they are separato entities. Let the 

legal rights for children people first address 

themselves to improving the social ordor 

that weakens and corrupts families, that 

victirliizes us all, rather than fragment 

cliildren even lnoro from their families. 

What children and families need is a sup. 

portivo mediator of some kind. Because the 

intere!;ts of the child and the interests of 

the family overlap. At birth they overlap 

100 per cent, at legal ago rnaybo only 20 

per cent. But tho interests of members of 

tlie famlly always overlap lo some uxtent. 

Within the adversary legal system. 

everyone acts as though that isn't true, as 

though lar rents and cli~ldron are true adver. 

saries, whun the most important thing that 

characterizes fnnrily members is not their 

opposition to one another but the things 

they have in commori, the needs that overlap. 

This fact is illustrated most horribly in situ. 

ations tliat involve families 01 our minority 

groups. Children's nervicos are generally 

calloused against minority groups anyway 

- ignorant concerning them, belligerent 

and antagonistic toward them. It is easy for 

people to say that children should not have 

to put up with drinking in the family, for 

examplo, that they should be protected 

from that. And so wo remove children from 

families whero there is the deepest love. 

belonging and alfection that you could 

possibly have between parents arid 

children. In an adversary legal system it is 

possible, under tho pretext of children's 

rights, for a child lo lose the most precious 

thing he will ever experience in his lifetime. 

the closeness, love and commitment of his 

parents. 

The family may have all kinds of problems, 

but where can you replace a mother's or 

father's lovo for and commitment to their 

child? We don't find replacements for this 

love and commitment in the alternatives 

tliat we offer these children. ITlie professionals 

treat them objectively and work 

6-hour shifts; the non-professionals. 

struggling for professionalism, remain uninvolved 

and work 8.hour shifts.1 What the 

child needs is love and involvement. And 

the existence of this lovo is far more impor. 

tant than the fact that the father gets 

drunk, or tho mother gets drunk, or even 

that the child is neglected. If you deal with 

the rights of children within the frame 01 

reference of the family, you start with what 

arc the essentials: the child has a right to 

belonging and love: tlie child has a right to 

Iiis history and roots: the child has a right to 

tho kinship tliat is Iris and no one else's. All 

ol these esseritials aro in danger of being 

violated unless you make sure that tho 

family is includod in (111 of our considerations. 

We are often asked, if you believe so 

slronyly that tho child's rlghts must be 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

conslderod within tho framework of tlio 

lam~ly, rather than on an individual basis, 

what do you do about tho child who is 

abused, or piiysically liarmod; tlie battered 

child, for example, who has caught the at. 

tontion of the media and about whom, consequently, 

it is fashionable to be concerned 

now? But you cannot measure parental 

love In those bohaviourol terms. Parents are 

human beings witli thoir own needs and 

their own limitations. They suffer in their 

own dimension. The child, because he is a 

child of their's comes into their sphere 01 

need, comes into thoir sphere ol acting out. 

precisely because he is thoir child. To 

remove the child because lie is a "victim" 

of h ~s parents, is to rornove the child lrom 

all the positive things that affect him 

because there is one negative thing. It 

means we have not understood tho nature 

of the family role or the child's needs. 

I remember, in our early work at Warren. 

dale. we received throe childron lrom a 

fam~ty in which tho mother had abused the 

children; neglected mostly but. also, in an 

act of desperation. she had burnt the children's 

hands on a hot stove because they 

had stolon something and she had been 

warned that she had to keep them from 

doing that or they would be removed lrom 

the homo. In her inadequacy, in her inability 

to cope witli the pressure, in her anxiety to 

protect the children lrom being taken away 

lrom her, she did the very thing that caused 

the children to be taken away because she 

wasn't fit, or a "safe" mothor. Yet, tho 

fact of the matter is, in all their history from 

that day forward, they never received tho 

love that tlioir mother and father had given 

them. As far as I know, nobody else ever 

burnt their hands, but out of one single hurt 

from tho parents. the children lost a11 of 

thclr ties, all of the alloction, all of the sari. 

se of bolorlgirig that we have in our relationsh~ps 

with tlie t~oople wlio bore us and 

raised US iirid liave a conirnitment to us that 

cannot be equalled by an unrelated person. 

From every angle. thinking is so 

inadequate, so meagre. we hasteri to firid 

excuses to rip children off from their 

fsmtlies, or rip families off lrom their cliild- 

ren. As I see it, this whole lad about the 

battered cliild is one more excusc to rip off 

children, lo avoid real solutions to real 

problems. It used to be if tlio house was dir. 

ty, or if the childron missed meals, the chlld 

was removed. Now we rip them off if 

family problems are too groat for parents to 

cope with and they take out their frustrotions 

in physical abuse or alcohol. The 

Minister of Social and Community Services 

cannot disclierge a staff of a state run in. 

stitution for kicking a retarded adult woman 

in tlie head, but a parent who batters his 

child can be "fired" by the most bigoted. 

unconsciously hostile person in the community, 

the potential batterer who 

becomes the saviour of battered childron. 

In all of these situations there is an obvious 

alternative if you don't exclude the family 

from tho very beginning of your thinking 

about tho problem. What would happen if 

instead of taking the children away from 

the family, the lamily got support? What 

would hove happened to the mother wlio 

was trying to keep her children from misbehaving 

in the community and burnt their 

hands in a last, desperate attempt at disciplining 

them if, when the children had 

first misbehaved in tho community, some. 

body had assessed that she needed sup. 

port7 What if a worker had gone into 

that family and supported tlie mother? Had 

taught her what she needed to learn in or. 

dcr to become a more adequate mother? 

Had taught her ways of coping with the 

children's bohaviour other than with such 

severe measures? 

Had that alternative beon tried, tho childron 

could have remained in tho family, they 

would have continued to receive parental 

care and afloct~on. the 110 would not havo 

been broken, tho mother would havo loll 

bettor about herself, about hor adequacy as 

a parent and she would have suffered less. 

tlio children would not have suffered sen. 

sration lrom their parents and society 

would not havo had to boar the expense of 

rtllslrig the children throu(jI1 moans that 

were, at best, inadequate to their needs 

and tho children would not havo grown up 

alienated lrom socloty. 

We need to got Into the habit 01 asking, 

why ifiis alterriativo that we use out of all 

tho altornntivcs available? Wliilt we should 

do if we are concerned 

~ 

about the 

~~ 

lonal 

rlgllts of cliilrfron is ro;~lizo (Itat one of the 

first rights of tho cliild sliould be that a child 

sliould never be deprived of his farnily. That 

tho state, tho social service agancies and 

tho courts ;Ire mandated to find alternatives 

that keep the child within his family. 

As we begin to use our ingenuity lor finding 

ways to be supportive to tlte parerits, ways 

of keeping families togotlior, instead of 

splitting them up. I know we will find those 

alternatives are much more offectivo. Tlioy none7 4 

are certainly mlrc humane and I would be 

very surprised if we do not also find they 

are rnucli rnoro economical. 

I welcolne the now Interest in the legal 

right.; for cliildrori, but I hope that the cliild 

does not have to beconic the victim of this 

now rnovorncnt on his behalf. Because I a111 

certain that the only wav rve can guarantee 

that. ~. is - to maki? sure that the orinciole ol 

~ 

legal rights for children is incorporated 

within the family, not separate from the 

family. What is the sense ol a movemont 

for childron's rights when the family has 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

A birthmother looks at adoption 

by STEPHANIE TAY 

in collaboration witli Gloria Slieptinrd 

"I wislr tire birr11 of ever y haby coold 

slwa ys be a welcorne evorf, regnrdless oi 

rho circirmstor~ces of tho n~otlrer, ar~d I 

wish society wo~rl direct more effort irllo 

realizir~g tllal goal. " 

INTRODUCTION 

That poignant statornent comes from a 

woman who gave birtli to two clilldron 

before she married end, os a result of the 

pressure she loll from relatives, social 

workers and society In gonorol. gave them 

up for ndoptlon. She has married since then 

and had tlireo more chlldron, but slio stlll 

yoorns lor her two firstborn sons. Sho 

wonders If they are hoeltliy end happy: 

wliother they ever think about tlielr hlrthmother 

and wonder why slio did not keep 

them. 

She sees herself as a victim of the ora in 

which she grow up. tlio llftles. when we 

woro not as open about sexuality as we are 

now. Blrtli control methods were not od. 

vortlsed or discussed openly. An un~norried 

woman who became pregnant usuolly felt 

forced to go Into hiding until ofter her boby 

was born. The only way she could rognln 

occeptanco by society was by giving up the 

boby for odoptlon. end evoryone behaved 

as tliougli by slgnlng o popor rollnqulslllrig 

legal rights to the baby she hod givori birth 

to. slio could also sign away all feelings of 

rolotionshlp. rosponslblllty ond lovo. 

Altliougli the author of tliis orllclo feels tliat 

secrocy leads to abuses, slio still fools sen. 

sltive enough to tho crltlcisrn arid contloninot1011 

of socloty tliot slie 110s used a 

pseudonym. Howevor, perhaps it Is not 

inopproprlote to use o pseudoriyrn bocause 

tho story slio tells Is typlcal of tlie experion. 

cos of many otlior women. Wo liovo also 

clionged tho nomos of tlio social workers 

ant1 tho otlior pooplo montloned in tho ortlcle. 

I see myself as a casualty of the fifties. It 

was a dilficult era to grow up in. Whereas 

now sexuality arid tlie recognition of sexual 

noeds is very open. then it was not. My 

niotlior never told me anytliirig about iIirtli 

control; I think it was prol~ably beyond her 

cornprohension that lior tlaughter would 

require such inlormation l~oforo slie got 

married. At tliat tirno, birtli control tlovicos 

were sold under the covritcr. illegally I 

belicve. Certainly. there was no advertising 

or open discusslori nl~out birtli control 

methods. Unmarried wornori wero sua- 

posed to bo cliostc re(jardless of tliolr age. 

boll 15. 25 or 45. 

The worst tliirig about rny cliildliood was 

tlie loneliricss. I liver1 on a farm in llie 

Mnritirnos, the orily child of rriiddle aged 

parents. I sparit my days surro~~ndod by 

ninny adult relatives and visitors oritl tlie 

Iilrod rnen wlio worked on tho farm, but I 

had low opportunities to be witli otlicr 

children. Altliougli rtiy parelits were riot of 

tho Catholic faitii, most of our noiglibours 

wore and lorgo fanillies were tlio rule in my 

12 FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

f7R1 

nrr crtoiril rrioro I rrnrir and I ould i>c 

v .ry surprise I iI w , do no also I it1 tlioy 

, o n111cIr 1110 o ncor ornicnl.

liorno conimunity. 1 felt quite out-of-plnco 

as on only cliild and longod lor brotliors nnd 

sisters. I wns growing up in n world whore 

tlio main ronson lor oxistonco soomed to bo , 

to give nnd nourisli lifo, bo it vogctnl~lo or 

oriimnl lifo, or cliiltlron. 

Wlicn I wcrs in lily early twenties I loft tlils 

snioll coriirntrrilty nnd wont to live nrirl work 

in Montro:~l. It wns tlioro tlint I rnot tlio 

fntlior 01 my firstborn cliild. Ho was an itn. 

rnigrarit Irorii a Europoan country nnrl n 

very clrnrming, Iinndsomo yotrrrg man. I 

was nttrnctcd by liis good looks and his 

sopliisticatotl, coritincntnl mnnrwrs. Wo 

had boon going out togetlior for about lour 

months wlion I discovorod I was prcgnnnt. 

Altliougli I was onrbnrrossod by tlio fact I 

wasn't riiarriod, 1 had always wonted 

children and I loved tho idea of being 

pregnant. My lover's roaction, liowever, 

was not so positive. He socriiod rotlior 

plcasod tliat I was pregnant witli liis child 

but, at llio Snnio tinic, was roli~ctorit to 

shoulder any responsibility. He told mo that 

lie couldn't marry me because lie liod no 

money. Coining ns I did lrotn n rural arcn 

wliero no one liad mucti niorioy, tliat 

scomod like a poor axcuso to mo. Howovcr, 

by tliis tinio, I was gradually bccoming 

aware 01 certain nogntive cliornctoristics 

tlial liis charm liad obscured boloro. tic had 

a rathor suspicious nature, and could be 

vory bod tornpercd nt limos. 

I was worried about wliat I sliould do. 

Around tliis time I lost my job. Tiic rotlror 

nrnl~ivolont attitude of rriy fovcr fod mo to 

boliovo tlint I could not depond on hirii lor 

linariclal or cmotionni sul~port. I did not t. 

think it woultl bo possiblo for riie to go 

homo 11ocotrso I was suro my motlrcr wo~rld 

considor an uriwod pregnant daughter a 

torriblo disgraco. I docidod to go to a city in 

Wostorn Conndn wlioro one 01 my aunts 

lived. I tlid not kriow wliat I coultl cxrloct 

Irorii tlio father of riiy cliild. I sc~iscrl 110 did 

riot roally went to rnnrry rno, but tlio day I 

left 110 Carrie to tlio railwoy station witli nio 

arid told nic lie would see me soon. 

My nunt had always ploccd licr fariiily on 

such n high podcstol I retlior loarod lior 

VOLUME 1 OINUMBER 5 

roaction to my news but, nltor a few tlnys, I 

surnrnoncd up my courngc and told hnr. 

Slio snid very liltlo at tlio tinlo l,ut n low 

tlnys Inter onriouricod tlint she lintl riindo nn 

oppolntmont for rnc witli tlio Cliiltlrori's Altl 

Society. Slio irilorrnorl nio, nlso, tlint slio 

wislicd to linvo riotliin!] to do with riiy I)rrl~y 

nnd tliouglit tilot odol~tiori would bo tlic 

host solutiori for nll coricornorl. Slrc nrirl I 

tolkotl about soriio very nice odol~tivo 

parents wo know and Aunt Eleonor kept 

suyitig liow woritlcrful it would i)c If lily 

baby could bc plnccd In n liorno like tlicirs. 

She nlso lot mo know that slio consirlorotl 

horsolf to bc oxtrornoly tolerant oritl good to 

me. Slic said slio know of fnmiiios wlioro an 

unrnorried pregnant dnuglitcr would linvo 

boon tlirown out or1 tlio stroot to fond for 

liorsoll as best slio could. implying that I 

sliould consider mysoll lucky this hadn't 

tinpponcd to 11113. At one point, slio 

suggostod abortion but I bocntno incorisnd, 

tolling her I would not kill my own baby. 

and slio did not bring up tliis possibility 

ognin. 

At tliat tinio I know vory little about tlio 

Cliildrcn's Aid Socioty and lind I I~cori It!ft to 

my own dcvicos I doubt il it would linve occurred 

to riio to go to tliern. But. Iiaving 

lioartl notliing much for or agairist tlicrn, I 

opprooclicd thorn with an opon mind. My 

initial appointniorit was witli a Miss Fraser, 

a f~oriuinoly symp~~tliotic person wliorn I 

liked riglit away. When I told iicr thnt my 

nunt did not want rno nrountl during my 

pregnancy orid was hoping the CAS would 

lind riio onotlrcr plncc to stay, I got tlio irii- 

~~rossiori tlint slio disnpprovcd of riiy aunt's 

attitude. Howovor. slio nrranged an Inter. 

view for 1110 wit11 onotiior social worker, a 

Mrs. Kicly, wlio lind two cliildrcrr nncl was 

looking for sorncorio to liclp iri tlio lrouso. 

Shortly altorwards. I niovcd into tlio Kioly 

Iiornc. 

I woultl have likcrl to have coritiritrod socing 

Miss Frasor on o ro(lulor l~nsis but, ~rrilor. 

tu~int~ly for 1110. slie was tho s~rpcrvisor and 

I was pnssod on too Mrs. Cotton, n woman 

wlio nppcnrod to bo about riiy ow11 ago but 

wlio was. I sonsotl, loss oxpcrioricod about 

lifo tlinn I was. I cannot reriicrnbor very

niucli ol what slie soid to nio except that 

very soon irito our first niooting the subject 

of adoption came up. Mrs. Cotton was all 

for it. Wlion I told lior I did not really want 

to loso my baby slio sold I co111d got married 

in tho future and have other children. I 

would bo twenty-five by 1110 tirno my clilld 

was born arid I felt that slio was not sooirig 

ma as on individual but was nioroly giving 

mo tho same pot answers slie gave lo all 

who came in front of her. 

It was distracting to me tliat during our interviews 

Mrs. Cotton was constantly 

smiling, wliicli i tliouglit inoppropriote to 

the seriousness of the topic under discussion 

and rotlior offensive. I told her thot 

I did not bolieva I would ever be able to forgot 

my beby if I gave It up and with that 

ewful smilo slie roplied that she realized 

that women wlio govo up their cliildron for 

adoption did not really forget them but 

might think, especially on the children's 

birthdays, of how tlioy would be ono-yearold, 

five-yeors-old, fourteen-years-old, and 

so on. I felt more and more depressed, but 

slie just kept on smiling. 

Another thing about Mrs. Cotton that I 

remember very clearly is tilo amount of 

timo she spent writing durlng my interviews. 

I cannot rccall over giving hor pormission 

to fill out tho typo of qucslionnairo 

used for adoption, but very soon she started 

asking me questions about my famliy 

background and writing down what I told 

tier. Slio seemed to soe tliis activity as tho 

main function of lior position. I would have 

liked to liovo spent more timo discussing 

tlio pros arid cons of adoption but as far as 

Mrs. Cotton was concerned it was all pros, 

so why waste tinlo talking about it7 Slio 

just wanted to got on witli filling out tlio 

forms: I could soo lliot tliis was a far loss 

demanding activity requiring no 

iniagination. 

I was novor given an opportunity to road 

over what slio had wrilton nor, to riiy 

knowlodgo, was any attornpt mode to 

check on wliotlior or not I wos telling tlio 

trutli. Yot tliis was the typo of informatiori 

that was passed on to adoptive parents 

wlio had no moons of cliockin~ its accuracy. 

I complolnod to Mrs. Kioly that I was not 

very lioppy wltli tho sorvico I was rccoivirig 

from tho CAS. Slio said thot If I thought I 

was not bolng trontod as an individual 

others probably felt tho somo way, and slie 

spoko to Mrs. Cotton on my beliall. Tlio 

oxpioriotiori Mrs. Cotton gave Mrs. Kicly 

was that slio was overworked. In explaining 

tliis to nio. Mrs. Kioly said tliat tho 

provincial govornmont seemed to prefer to 

put most of Its financial resources into 

visible public works such as highways or 

bridges, rather then in social services. 

Because of tliis tlio social sorvico agencies 

wore undorstaffod. Evidently Mrs. Cotton 

hardly had limo for me but wos tryirig to do 

tier duty nevortlieless. I can't help won. 

doring if tliings miglit not have worked out 

better for mo had she admitted tliero was 

little slio could do for mo and loft me to find 

my own solution. 

Altliougli it was not Mrs. Kioly's responsibility 

to advise me, I did press her for an 

opinion on what someono in my position 

should do because I was feoling quite confused 

about what would bc tho best course 

to toke. One of my main fears was tliat I 

miglit not be stable onougli to be a good 

motlier. I hod gono tlirougli a period of 

doprossiori some ycors previously during 

wliicli timo I hod exl~orioncod difficulty in 

holding down a job. My aunt had reminded 

me Ilia1 1 had boon having a difficult enough 

time supporting myself without taking on 

the responsibility of a baby and I had to 

admit there was somo trutli in tliat. 

Mrs. Kioly arid I hod scvoral coriversatioris 

regarding my future. Slio told me tlint 

althougli sornc people might admire a girl 

wiio kept her baby because this indicated 

an ottitudc ol "seeing tliings tlirougii", in 

gonoral, slio tliouglit odoption was tho best 

course for both riiotlicr end child. Slio said 

siie thought tho child of an unmorriod 

motlior niiglit be quite lioppy until ho 

ronclicd school age but tlion lie would 

probably encouritor probloms because tie 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

was lior o~lnlori tliot an unmarried worrinn 

who clndortook to raise lror cliild by liorsolf 

would nood to liavc o stoblo pcrsoriolity 

arid an ollovo ovorn(]a inconio. Slio told mo 

that slio know of only ono urrninrrinrf 

wornan who hnd raised her cliild succossfully 

orid ovon slio had oxl~erloncctl 

problems. Slio implied that It was tho 

wornort's nrorioy tlrat had given lior a 

liglilinij clianco. I licflrd a sirnilnr story lrorii 

Miss Frosor and I prosunio it was tho soriic 

wornan. 

I tliink it would be true to say that in tlic fortics 

and tlio fiftios tho majority .of social 

workors come frorn tho upper mlddlo class. 

And I bollovo tlils may liovo caused them to 

place rather too much importance on 

nintorlal advantages. For oxomplo. in their 

closcriptions of "good" adoptivo lioriies 

tliey tondod to strcss such t!iings as tho 

family owning tlioir own homo, the fatlior 

lroving a prolcssional position. And I 

remombcr tliat during a discussion with 

one of my sociol workers, tlio cost of a 

baby carriage was montionod as one of tho 

expenses I would face if I kept my boby. 

Yet my mother hadn't ownod a baby carriaga 

and I can remember only one noiglibourhood 

family that did. I had grown up In 

a rural oron whore money wasn't plentiful 

and hod I kept my boby I think we probably 

could have gotten by on less than my sociaf 

workers would liavo considered deslrablo. 

I romembor telling Miss Frasor one day that 

oltliough I wlsliod tho circumstances wore 

difforont I was really quito happy belng 

pregnant. I felt colnier and more settlod 

than I over had before and I loved to fool tho 

baby moving inside mo. Miss Frnscr told rnc 

tliot tlils might bo what she called tlie 

"eupliorio of pregnancy". But I kept saying 

to tior that I did not want ID ~ivo up t11o 

baby for adoption and slia and I did liovc 

sonio convorsatlons about wliat I might do 

If I woro to ksop it. But it was difficult for 

mo lo come t~p will1 o workable plan on my 

own ond tlio only suggestion Miss Froscr 

had to offcr was tliat porliol~s I migiit ask 

Mrs. Kioly if I could bring the baby tiorno to 

lior house. Tlils Idea didn't appeal to mo. 

suclgostod it flltliotrgli I lrad' tnlkod to lior 

ninny tiriios about riiy tloslro to kaop lily 

Ilol~y, ond partly l~ocouso lior Iiusbantl oftoti 

dratik too mucli arid ;ibirsod lior nrirf t 

did not want to bririg nry Imby irito tlint 

typo ul lionio. 

Mrs. Kiuly livod a corisitloroblo tlistoricc 

frorii 1\10 liospltol wlroro rny baby was to be 

born and wc oll i~ngan to tliink tlrnt it nri(l1it 

(10 bottor if I weto to nrove. Miss Frnsor 

know of a doctor's hornc closor to tlio 

Iiospltnl wliero tlioy wnritod sorncorio to 

Ilolp In tlic liouso and slio told 1110 tliat if I 

moved thoro she could got me tho bost 

sociol worker 111 tho area. A low days alter 

my arrival at tlio now l~loco I rocclvod a visit 

from this social worker, o Miss Wallocc. 

Tho first thing Miss Wollaco said to me 

was, how ore you foclitig? That, in itself. 

was very tlilforont frorii Mrs. Cotton's op 

prooctt. Sho said that Miss Fraser hod told 

lior that I noodod a lot of liolp and slio np. 

poarcd to bo more than willing to do what 

she could for me. 

Miss Wallace oxortod a groat deal of influonco 

over nio for a variety of reasons. 

Bofors I had over nict her I liad been told 

slie was the best social worker In the area 

and that prcdlsposcd mo to bo impressed 

by anything slie said. Slio was about 20 

years older than I was and when you ore 

In your twenties you oxpact women In their 

fortlos to know more than you do. (at. 

though, I discovered lotor, she liad not 

entorod univcrslty untll she was In licr tiiirties 

and so did not 11ovo as many yoars of 

working oxpcrlonco as one might liavo ox. 

pectod from a woriian liar ago.) Because 

she was very sure of tiorsolf. and stated her 

' opinions so self-confidontly. I was inclined 

to accept thorn without questioning tiiom. 

Moreover, slic was very fond ol children 

and I think that Influoncod 1110, too. 

Soriie time provlously I liod writlon to my 

niotlior and odmlttod niy situation. I conlossod 

I did not know what I sliould do 

about tho baby and tllat Aunt Eleanor wan. 

led mo to hove It odoptcd. My mother 

wrote back and sold that as sho was no 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

longor young (she was in hor mid-sixties) 

and my fotlier was now clironicolly Ill, slio 

did not think she could liolp mu with tho 

baby and so sha, too, thought that adoption 

would bo tho bost thing. (Just boforo 

she diod, my motlior asked me if I over 

hoord onyttiing about my first baby end 

when I told hor no, she said: "Thoy don't 

soem to wont to lot you bo with him, do 

thoy?" It was tlion I realized she had never 

understood the signiflcanco of adoption.) 

During my noxt appointment with Miss 

Walloco I showod hor my motlior's lottor 

and slio remorkod that if tho pnronts did not 

tako In an unwed daughtor and her baby tho 

only other solution was odoption. 

I also wroto to the psychiotrist I had soon at 

the titno whon I hod boon so doprossod, but 

his reply modo little senso to me. He wroto 

sornetliing to tho effect lliot I had gotten 

pragriorit bocauso I was lnsocuro as a 

woman but that prognoncy wouldn't liolp 

mu ovorconio my lnsocuritios. With rogard 

to whot I should do about tho baby, ha 

WrotU that iovo moorit pulling tho wolfarc 

of anothor oheod of my own doslros ond if I 

could find mysolf oblo to do that my 

problorn would bo solvod. Riolitly or 

wrongly, I interpreted that to mean that lie 

was advising odoption. Looking back, I 

think this wos on ovcrsimplificotion. It is 

not enough to be willing to put another porson's 

welfare ohoad of your own. It takos 

ludgomont to know whot ore tho bost interosts 

of ony given person. And thot is tho 

difficult part. 

Thoro was also something in tho 

psychiatrist's letter about o potlont of his 

who was adopted. I-lo told me this woman 

hod spent yoars searching for hor birthporents, 

thinking thot finding thom would 

solvo hor emotional problems. Evontually 

sho found hor birthmothor and, years lator, 

hor blrthfothor: but by tliot titno tlioy had so 

rostructurod their livos tlioy found it difficult 

to fit hor in. 

I sliowod tlils lottar to Miss Wollaco and slto 

said the psychiatrist soomod liko a kind ond 

VOLUME 1 OINUMBER 5

sotisiblo ~iinri. Regarding tlio adoption case. 

slio commontotl tliot tliis ntlol~tion liad 

tnkon ploco in tiio Marltirncs wlioro slio 

Iliouglit, nt tliot tinio, social servicos were 

not so otfvaricod. She iriipliod tlint a 

niotlorn odoptio~i, dorio properly, woulrl not 

protluco sucli an c~rrlial~py atloptoe. 

Ariotlinr parson whoso ar1vlcc I sought was 

o nun, tlio Motlior Superior in a liorno for 

uriwod motliors. Allliougli I was not 

Cntiiolic. I tl~ouglit it worthwliilo to sock 

nriotiier ol~lnion. Looking back, I think I was 

still hoping to find sorncono wlio would toll 

mo it wos ell right lor mo to koop riiy baby. I 

folt as tiiougli I liod already trunsgressccl 

ogolnst society by conceiving o child out- 

01-wodlock ond ovcryono I consc~ltcd 

sooniod to bo indicating to ~iic that I would 

bo committing an odditional sin by not 

giving up tlio baby lor adoption. I wanted to 

keep my baby, but I also wanted to fool tliat 

I hod tlio approval ol otliur pcol~lc In doing 

so, because I did not fool I hod tho couragc 

to go against socloty's wislics. Bosidcs. I 

was gonulnely concerned about what really 

was tlio most fair thing to do. 

Tlio Motlior Superior asked me if i prayed 

often and wlion i said I did not, told me I 

sliould alwnys pray, not only when I was in 

dillicultios. Slio olso suggostocl that I talk to 

o niinistor, or minister's wile, 01 my own 

loitli. She said an unwed niotl~cr with any 

intolligonca would think carefully about 

wliotlior or not to koop her baby, but tlien 

wont on lo state, quite ompliaticolly, tlint 

whorl an unmarried motlicr did decide to 

keep lior child: "It doesn't work out lor tlio 

rnotlior ond it doesn't work out for tlio 

child." 

The only porson wlio gave me any en 

courngorilont to scok a solution other tlion 

adoption was a counsoilor at tho YMCA- 

YWCA wliom I went to sco for vocotional 

counsoiiing. [He told 1iio I liod dono well on 

tiio 1.0. tests and sliould considcr going to 

univorsity if I could.) Wlicri wo discussor1 

llio situation I was in, ho said lie tliouglit 

thoro wore just as nialiy arguments in 

favour of keeping tlio baby as tlioro were 

for hovlng it placed lor adoption, arid 

strggcstod 1 riiiglit be ol11e to fir~rl i~ 1ir11no 

whero tlicro wore othor young chiltlron nnrl 

wlioro tlio ~notlior would be williril] to look 

alter riiy baby durlng tlic day wlillo I 

workod arid then I could take over tlie cnro 

of tilo I~nby, arid liolp in tlie housc, wlion I 

carno Iionio from work. 

I thought this was an Intorosting idea, but 

did not know liow to go c111out linrling such 

a porson. Tlio ordinary oriil~loyrii~!~it ngon. 

cios didn't soorri to covor tliat kind 01 tliin~j. 

NI~ now otnploycr iiod told me, on tlio ni!llil 

of my nrrlvol, tiiat I could not keep lily l~nl~y 

in lior homo. Sonioorio clse told 1110 obot~l n 

wo~non wlio liod ernployod an uti~iiarriorl 

niotiicr as a don~ostic servant arid liod 

ollowod lior to kocp tlio l~nby witli licr. 1011. 

tainod tliis woman's addrcss and wont to 

sco her, hoping tlial If she no longer had tlio 

othor girl witli lior she nii(]lit corisidor omploying 

mo. My hopes wore soon dosliotl. 

This won~i~ri told mo tliat tho girl llod 

worked woll boloro tho boby was born, llut 

oftorwards liad spent most of lior limo 

doing lltings for tho bal~y and, since tliis 

was not satisfactory from lier omployor's 

point of viow, slio was lot go. (And tlio 

woman wosn't keen to try tliis cxpcriment 

again.) 

By this tinlo I had passod tlio Iialfwny point 

111 my pregnancy ond os yet liad found no 

solution for tiio future. 

Tlio CAS had a consultant psycliiatrist ancl 

it was suggcstcd tliat I soo lier. i think tliis 

miglit liavo boon bocousc I liad told tliorn 

about tho porlod in my life when I liad boon 

vory depressed. During olio appointment 

witli this Dr. Mullor I montioncd tho 

suggestion that tlio Y counsellor liad ninrlo. 

Dr. Mulicr comnicntcd tliat it wos vory bad, 

psycliologicnlly, for yourig pooplo to 110 in 

an environniont whore they wero constontly 

boiny warned not to toucli tliings and I 

gntlicrotl flint slio was in~plyicig- ti~al this 

miglit bo tlio case il I wore living with lily 

boby in soriioorio else's liot~so. I discussed 

tire niattcr later witii Miss Wallocc and slio 

agreed will1 Dr. Mullor. 

Iliefio consultations with Dr. Mulinr rinitlinr 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

did mo niucli good, nor much iiorm. Silo 

told mo tliat tlioro wns no porfocl solution 

for tho situation I was in. I iiod roolizod tliot 

long boloro, but I kept trying to firid o 

solution tliot woultl bo as noor ~iorfoct os 

possible. 

In Miss Wolloco's eyes there wos o perfect 

solutlori and tliot wi~s odoption. If I rnoritionod 

odoptivo situotioris I had rooti nbout 

111 which tliings lindn't workod 0111 very 

woll, slio would soy eitlior tiint slio (lid riot 

boliovo tho story could ho trilo, or suggost 

tiiot tho odoptivo poronts had riot rocoivod 

enough help from thoir social workor. In 

retrospect, it seems to mo tliol tlio CAS in 

tiio fifties, ot loost, functioned rnninly as o 

baby oxcliangc. Hod tlie CAS sociol 

workors not boon so convincod of tho virtues 

of adoption, pcrhnps thoy miglit hove 

triod harder to find sorno oltornativcs to 

suggost. They boliovod that ~rriloss on unwod 

mother had a "roolislic" pion, she 

would not be oble to roiso lior child successfully. 

But thoy did riot oppoor to consider 

it part of thoir rosponsibility to help us 

formuloto sucli plans. Wo wore oxpoctcd to 

come up with "realistic" plans on our own. 

I do not rornornbor, for oxortiplo, oriy sociol 

workor I corno into conloct witli, aver 

voluntooring any inlormotion about govornniont, 

or otlior, finoncini osslstnnco that 

might bo nvnilnblo to a rnotlior raising lior 

ciiiltl on lior own. And wlion I brouglit up 

tlio possibility of 01)tolning sorno firionclnl 

ossistanco from tlic baby's fotiior. Miss 

Wolloco Unvo rlin no cncouragoriiorit. I 

gatiiorod tliat sho had littlo enthusiasm for 

pntornity suits bocouso slio thouglit sucli 

casos difficult to win. l~ut I liovo no 

rocolloction of onyono Irorn tilo ogo~icy 

oven contncting tiic birthfotlior to suggost 

iio had some rosponsibility in tile niottcr 

orid miglit coritributo finonclolly to tho support 

of tlio baby, or to chock out tlio nccuracy 

of tlio inforrnntion on hirn I had 

given the ngoncy, inforrnntion wliicii would 

be possod on to tho adoptivo pornnts. 

I iiad hod no contact witli tlio birthfotlior 

niysolf since leoving Montroal. Ho hod not 

orisworod tho lettor I hod sent him, so ono 

day I phoned hirn. Hc boconic angry and 

screarned at me at one point. I don't 

romombor oxoctly who1 ho soid, but lio 

govo me to understand thot I could expect 

VOLUME IOINUMBER 5 19

no holp from him sliould I docldo to koop 

tho bnby, Howovor, I think ho rnlglit hovo 

boon ornorinble to suggostlons or prossuro 

from on officinl ngoncy like tho Clilldron's 

Aid Socloty. 

Durlng ono intorvlow, Mlss Wnllaco told mo 

thnt somotirnos a woman would docldo to 

koep lier child ond thon, whon ttio cliild was 

obout two yoors' old, tlio womnn would 

conic to tho CAS offico in toors, saying slio 

just couldn't monnge and tho child would 

tiavo to bo plocod for odoption oftor nil. 

Tho foniliy I had movod in with livod by o 

very rigid schoduio ond. sinco I am inclinod 

to bo o droomor, I didn't lit In very well. 

Bosidos, I found tho work too exacting. 

Miss Wollaco found mo another homo with 

o wolnon who lind living wltli tior on unrnorrlod 

womnn who was rnislng hor own 

chlld nnd onperionclng somo dllflcultlos. 

(As sho odrnittod lotor, Miss Wolloce hod on 

ulterior motivo in choosing this porticulor 

tionin.) This womnn was no longor sooing 

tho social workor whoni slie iiod boon in 

contact n.th whiio sho wos prognont (ond 

whom silo sold she didn't liko) nnd Miss 

Wolloco commented to me at one timo: " 

gotlior Joyco is quite disturbed." I thought 

tliot perhops a similar reoction would await 

mo i f I turned down adoption. 

Miss Walloce end I talked quito o lot about 

tho woys In which the adoptive poronts 

mlglit tell tlio child ho wos adopted end she 

mod0 ovorythlng sound vory tioppy and 

cozy. Of courso, tile birthmotlior would 

not bo around to witnoss this happy scene. 

Onco, whon I niontioned to Mlss Wallaco 

tliat my baby, if odopted, might wonder 

about me end wont to find me when it becam0 

en adult, sho replied emphatlcolly: "It 

won'tl" 

Mlss Wolloco hod a snapshot of n girl obout 

ton yours old on lier desk and ono day 

askod who sho was. Miss Wallace told me 

tlio girl was living in one of tlio CAS foster 

homos. "Her porents hovo never allowed 

her to bo adopted," sho told mo in whot 

thought was o disspprovlng tone. 

"liowovor, tlioy are willing to linvo iicr 111 n 

fostor liomo." Hor voico sotrndod rnore no. 

proving as stlo sold tlils ond tlio rnossogo to 

nio wns clonr. Tlio good poront Is tho orlo 

unsolllsli onougli to rolinquisli control. 

Knowirig thnt I wos lioving o liord lirno occcl~tlng 

odoption, Misn Woilnco told riro, 

orlo doy, ttiat oil tho girls - oxccpt sotno of 

111(? vory young ones - wontod to knot) 

tlicir bnbles, Howovor, apparontly. tlioy 

worn oll giving tlioni up. I began to fool tilo 

way tho soldiors going oshoro on tlio 

bonclios of Normandy during tlio Socond 

World Wor must i~ovo lelt, I did riot want to 

show loss courogo ttion tho others1 To idrttior 

strongtiion my shaky rosolvo, Miss 

Wollaco prosontod mo witli the exomplo of 

Josus. She romlndod mo thnt Jesus did not 

wont to die on the cross but hod soid: "Oh 

my Fotherl If It be posslblo let 1111s CIJ~ pass 

from mu: novertholess, not as I will but os 

thou wiltl"' Apporontiy, tho conclusion to 

bo drown was tliat if Josus could givo up 

his lifo for tho good of mnnklnd, giving up 

my boby was a srrioll socrlllco to nsk of mo. 

During one of our convorsotlotis. Miss 

Wallaco montionod thot sorno of tho girls 

wile wontcd to koop tlioir boblos tolked 

about how thoy lookod forward to Ilia boby 

luvlng thorn. She Implied thot tlieso girls 

wantod to koop thoir boblos for solfisli 

reasons, to supply tho love thnt wes 

missing from their llves. I om suro ttiat wos 

not the roeson I was so reluctant to givo up 

niy baby for adoption, but at tho timo it was 

on0 morn thing thot mode me doubt my 

own maternal Instincts. 

Looking bock, I think I hod folriy good 

qualifications for being a mothor. I woo in 

my niid.twentios, I was hooltliy and I had 

worked witti ctiiidron. If the CAS social 

workors could hovo told mo It wos nil rigtit 

for rno to koop my baby, it would tiovo put 

mo under for loss stroin during my prognoncy. 

But In those days, at loast, tho birth. 

niothor's emotions wero considorod 

somothlng thot could bo wipod off tho slato 

or swept undor ttio corpot. Stio was onpectod 

to be roolistic ond rocognizo tliot, 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

You know tlio doctors at tlio liospltoi nro all 

oxcollent, so you hnvo no need lo worry." 

My son was born oti April 21st. 1959. Al. 

tliougli it was o bronc11 birth wliicli cot1 bo 

difllcult it was, on tlio wliolo, on otijoynblo 

oxporio~ic otid lio was a beautiful baby. 

Miss Wollaco had orrongod for rno to go to 

lior oflico rilno days ultor tlio birth. Sl~o was 

in a vory businossliko mood tliat day. 

Without any visiblo sign of omolioti stlo 

rood to me tlio consont for odoptiori lortn 

tliot I hod to sign, wliicli stated tliat I was 

giving up all tights, rosponsi~llllios ond 

privilogcs rogording my ctiiltl. I oskod tior if 

sho liod lound a homo for my baby yot and 

she told mo sho hod found a "wonderful 

lionie" for liim whore tho odoptivo fallior 

was nn Engllsli Canadian onginaor ond tlio 

mothor o nurse 01 Polish descont. (Much 

lotor I discoverod tilot tho odoptive mother 

wss a nurse's aide. I don't know il Miss 

Wollacc upped lior stotus because she 

tltouglit this would be Important to me; she 

also told me that the adoptive mother's 

fothor was a toaclior In Poland.) Tlloso 

pooplo had previously arloptod a llttlo girl, 

nlso of Polish doscont who liatl, Miss 

Wallaco told tno, inliorltod liar birtllrnotiior's 

sunny disposition. I was ratlior 

surprisotl to lioor Miss Wallaco say tills 

bocauso always boforo sho liod docnipliasizecl 

ticrotllty. 

I was wolcomcd l~ack into Aunt Elnnnor's 

Iiorno, both of us l~oski~ig in "glorious 

respoctobiiity" olthougli tiiy *'COVOI up'' 

had rosultod in my boconiing an accornplisliod 

lior. 

One very sad thing about giving up o cliild 

for adoption at birth is tl~at motlior arid 

cliild are separated nt o ti~rre wlicn tlioy 

sliould ba close. I had to contiriuo llfo 

wilhoul my baby but I tliouglit about liim 

olten. Evory time I triad to talk to Aunt 

Eleanor about tho baby sho discouraged 

mo. saying. "I think you sliould put all that 

behind you." Sho told mo ono doy that sho 

loved me and whon I nskod liar wliy, slic 

rcpliod, "Blood is thickor tlion wotor." 

22 FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

wlilcli scoriiccl an incongruous tliirig to soy 

in IigIit of wlint lind linppcnod. 

Miss Wollaco contiriucd to soo mo for 

sovoral niontlis after tho birtli of my baby 

and nppaarod to bo gonuirioly iritorostod in 

my welfare. She wns o very warm person 

wlio truly cnrod about pooplo, ospocinlly 

old pooplo and cliiidren. I did not like to 

distress lior 11y tolkin{j too tiiucli nbout tlio 

baby, sinco slio had boon iristruriiontol 111 

toking him owoy from mo. Also, slricc I hod 

signod o popor saying I was giving up oll 

rights to lilrn I was riot oven strro I sliould be 

asking questions about him. Once, when i 

told her I still ttiought obout tho baby ovory 

day she soemod surprised. 

A short wliila boforo clio baby's birtli I had 

givori Miss Wallnco n book of Motlior 

Goose Rhymes will1 tho request tliat it bo 

givon to tho adoptive parents for tho baby. 

At tho same tirno I mentioned ttiat I would 

liko to have a portrait of my boby for o 

keepsake. I rnoritioncd tliis agoin, after tho 

baby was born and Miss Wallace said she 

would ask tho adoptive parents if tlioy 

would be agreeable to giving moo snapshot 

of fiirn. A snopsliot wnsri't wliat I had in 

mind, it soornod liko rotlier a put.clown, os 

tiiougli I was only wortli o snapshot. And I 

rollicr roscntod tlio fact that tlio fulflllmont 

of my request, wliicli soomod a very 

reasonable ono to mo, should be dopondorit 

on wliotlior.or not the adoptivo parents 

wore agrocablo. I had givon up a baby and a 

picture seornod o small tiling to 110 asking In 

return. Latcr still, wlion I askod Miss 

Wollnco about it again slio told rnc shc did 

tiavo the snapshot, 11ut askod mo il I 

tlio~rght it was a good idea for rno to liavo 

it. That was oriougli to discourago mo frorn 

insisting. I coniforted iiiysolf with tho 

thotrglit tliat I could always got it lalor. But 

wlion, some yoors oftorwords. I wrote to 

tho a{jericy for it, I was told that it tii~rst 

have boon lost or dostroycd bocouso it was 

no longor in the files. 

For a whilo I stayed or1 at riiy nunt's arid 

tiion, for a variety of roosons, I returned to 

Montreal, One day, by chonco, I mot tho 

birtlifatlior on tlio stroot. Ho askod mo 

many quostions nl,out 1110 t~oby, sooriiod to 

bo rooliy intorostod and oven tnlkod about 

liow ho might try to firid it. I folt rntlior 

irritated with hlm, wondoring wliy 110 hod 

riot sliown an iritorost at 0 tiriio wlion It 

niight liovo done some good. But in Iiglit of 

Iiis intorost, I wondor now wliollior llio 

CAS riiight Iiove got some rospo~iso froni 

Iiirii, had tlioy contacted liim boforo tlio 

bal~y's birtli. 

Wc wore botli at looso orids ond driftocl into 

soeing one oriotlior ngnin for n while, until I 

decided tliis wasn't wise ant1 put on end to 

tf~o rclationslilp. In tho moontirno, ho liad 

introduced nio to a friend of his ond it was 

tliis mon wlio bocanic tlie father of my 

second cliild. 

I lind cxpoctod tlio ndoption procodurn to 

be slniilor to tho first tlrno, but tho day I loft 

tho liospital I was dotoinod in n tiny roorn 

off a busy nreo. A wonian I had novcr soon 

boforo come in ond announced she hod tho 

atloption pnpors for mo to sign. I do riot 

remember tliis wornon identifying liersolf: 

in foct, slio said very little to me. Tlioro 

woro no choirs in tho room, so both sho and 

I liad to stand whilo I rood over tlic papers. I 

folt as though I was imposing on her, but I 

did wont to road what I was signing. Tiio 

only thing I romembor now about tlie contents 

of tlio popcrs wos somotliing to tho 

cffoct that I sliould swoor i was o Protcstont 

and wantod my cliild brouglit up In 

tliat faith. I did not considor myself a Protcstont 

but, since tlio circurnstaricos woro 

so uncomfortable and I wanted tilo wliola 

polnful busirioss to be over, I signed 

anyway. 

I oskod if I could see tlio baby boforo i loft. I 

cougllt him just iri tinia. Another woman. 

wtiorn 1 prosurnod was a soclol worker. Iiad 

him all bundled up and wos or1 hor way out 

with liim. Hod I mado rny roquost five 

minutos later I would liovo missed him. "Ho 

is such o lovely boby and he is going to 

lovely pcoplo," tho woman told mo. I took 

ono lost look at my son and, sinco It 

seornod on imposition to koop lior standing 

tlioro, I lot them go. 

VOLUME 1 OINUMBER 5

Wliari I nskod ~iiy sociol work~r Intor for 

somc dotoils on Ilia ndoptivo lio~iin, slio 

told nio 1110 lnthor wos on onglncor nrid 

tltorc was ono otlior cliild in tlio fnrnily, n 

boy of tliroo. (Sllo also told mo tlioir 

tcliglous dononiirintion wns Unitarian.) Sixtor!n 

yonrs letor, wlion I wroto lo tlio n\loricy 

rorluostirig inlorrnntion, I wos told Ilia 

pnronts woro "dcvout Cliristinns 01 tho 

Prosl~yloriori fnitli" and lind n liltlo girl 

ntloptod fronr tlia somo nlloncy two yonrs 

proviousIy. I \iopo tho itiformntlorl possnd 

on to ndoptivo poronts Is morc occuroto 

thon tl~at givori to birtlimothors. 

In 1977, 1 docidcd tlrat not boing givon a 

copy of tho conscnt to odoption popors 

wos unfnir and oftor considcrobio correspondcnco 

ond persistoncc I was nblo 

to got n copy witli tlio supportirig nlfidovlts 

portoining to tho lirst odoption. Tlicro wos 

notliing in tho pnpors nbout confidcntiolity 

olthougli pcoplo wlio opposc giving occoss 

to information on thcir origins to adult 

ndoptoos frcquorltly assort tliot birtlimotliors 

wore promiscd confidentiality. 

Pcrliops tho biggost surprisn wns rondirig tho 

sig~rrituro ol n wilnoss who clnirncti I wns 

known to lior nrid tlint slio lind cxplninod to 

ma tlio sigriiflcatico of putting my si~nnturo 

or1 tilo cortsont form. Tlio only pcrson I con 

racoll boing proscnt wlion I signcd thnt 

popor wos Miss Wolloco; I do not ronionibor 

mooting, or ovon scoing (much loss tolking 

to) oriy otlior pcrson in tl~ot oflico ot tliot 

cimo. 

Sinca tlicn I liovo mot birthporonts who 

tinvo much rnorc disturbing cxpcrlcncos to 

mlntc. One cloirnod slio wns so ill ot tho 

ti1110 slio sigriod tho conscnt to odoption 

forrn slio was not nblo to rood whot sho 

was signing. Anothcr wornan told ino thnt 

slio lind riot woritod lior buby adoptotf Ilut 

tlia baby was tnkon away from lior in 

Iiosl~itol arid slio was told tliot if slio could 

riot lind o suitoblo bonrding lroriio within 

tliroo niontlrs. tho buby would bo tnkon 

lrorrr lior pcrmar~ontly. Tlio only boarding 

lrorr~o slie cor~ltl find was ono In whicli tliore 

woro 20 babios and slio did not think they 

could bo gottirig good onough corc. Motcovor, 

tlio wornon chorgod 9 15 a wcek 

wliicli was almost tior total solnry ot tllot 

timo (tlris wos iri 19481, so sl~c 

I~aby. 

lost 1101 

I mot tlioso wolnoti througli P;lrc~it Findnrs. 

on organizotiori of atiult orloptocs wlio nro 

sonrcliin(j for thcir birtl~pnrents. I nrii 

grotcful to tlio fountlors orid trioriil~crs ol 

this orynnization l~ocnusc thoy bcliovo tliot 

birtlimothors linvc n roll to IiiI. 111 ntlol~tion 

as It is proctisotl trnditionnlly, blrtli~notlicrs 

arc not rccognizotl ns having oily rolc otlsor 

than handing ovor tiioir bnbics. Yet, our 

gcnos will continuo to inllucncc tho 

cliildron we hnvo given up for ndoption antf 

thcir cliildron's cliiidrcn, down tlirougli tlio 

yonerotions. No lognlitics con tokc tliol 

away. 

I romombor ono story Miss Wollacc told riio 

of tho clrild of a drug addict wlio hnrl boon 

rnisod slncc infonc\t by on cldcrly spinstor. 

Whon tho child was about tlircc yoars old 

ail ndoptivo homo was found for Iiirn. 

Naturally, during tho ynnrs slio hot1 bocri 

coring for liirn tho fostor niotlio~ lind 

boconic very fond ol tho littlo boy n~id lio ol 

Iicr. In a cnso iiko this, Miss Wollncc told 

nm, contact would bc nllowcd to contiriuc 

in ordor to lcsscn tlio sliock ol ttn~isitioti for 

tlia cliild. Tlio former foster mothor would 

be allowed to visit tho cliild from ti~iic to 

tirnc olthougli now sho would be "nuntio" 

instood of "mommie". The strango thing 

about this story is that n fostcr niothcr was 

givon visiting riglits wtiich a birttirnotlior 

would not havo. 

In the summcr of 1978 1 wont bock to tho 

Wostcrn city in which I hod givon up my 

first son for odoption. Miss Wollacc hod 

retired, hut I tnlkod to nnotl~or social workcr 

at tlic agcncy, a very fricridly wori1nr1. Slro 

told mo tlrat udoption wns riot always tho 

bost solution wliicli loft mc wondoring at 

whot point In timo It Iios coosorl lo bc so. (A 

little late for nio, urifortunntoly.) Slio oppoarcd 

to ngroo wtiori I soid it sooniod to nic 

thnl bock in tlio fiftics tlio CAS had boon littlc 

more thnti o boby oxcl~oiigo. Whon I told 

her of Miss Wallncc's cortninty tliot tiiy l~irtll- 

son would never 1x1 intcrostcd in looking 

for 1110. shc comniorit~~l: "WO did riot kriow 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

Iiow ndult odoptoos would fool in tlioso 

doys bocouso tlioro woron't ony." 

I bollovo tliat odoptivo poronts, nlso, oro 

vlctlniizotl by 1110 prcsont systom 01 odoplion, 

olthou~li Inn dllfororit way lrom birth. 

poronls. Socioty 1)lncos vory high expoctotloris 

on tliom. It is os tliougli wo soy to 

tliom: "You iiovo boon givori tlioso chlldron; 

now show us tlint you oro worthy of 

thls trust." Such high oxpoctntions co~i 

place pooplo undor quito o strolri ond I tliink 

it is o bod thing lor ony poront to bo undor n 

stroin. 

Adoptivo paronts have no moons of vorifying 

tlio Information thoy oro glvon concornlng 

tho birthporents and lrom my oxperienco 

it would oppoor this is not olwoys occurate. 

I romombor during one convorsotlori 

I liad with Miss Wolloco about informotion 

that would be possod on to tlio odoptlvo 

paronts of my flrst son slio montioned thot 

tlioy would bo told that tho birtlifattior ond I 

worn going to be niarriod but 0s tho tlrne for 

tho wedding opproocliod 1 reolizod that we 

did not hove cnougli in common for o hoppy 

morriogo. This, of courso, wos o conil)loto 

lobricotion deslgnod, I supposo, to riinko 

tho blrtlifotlior oppoor morn rosponsiblo 

tliori 110 wns. It hurt mo to think thot 

should Illis story bo ponsod on to my birtlison 

110 will thlnk tliot Ills mothor govo liirii 

owoy rotlior than tnko o ctionco on o 

ninrrlogo thot might hove boon loss tlinn 

succosslul. I hopo, olio dny, I iiiny bo nblo 

to moot ond talk to botli the sons I lost ond 

oxploln to thom the sltuotlon I focotl whon I 

no do tho decision to givo tliom up for 

odoption. 

I think tliat undor tho prosotit systom of adoption 

soclal workors liave too much control. 

Noitlior odoptoos, birthporents, nor odoptive 

paronts oro givon tho opportunity to 

rend what Is written in tho records; we oll 

liovo to rely on whot tho soclol workors 

choose to tell us. 

To a lorgo oxtont, this wos truo, olso, of 

tlio counselling I rocoived wlillo prognont. I 

liad to roly on what the social workor clioso 

to toll mo and sometimes I did not know 

what quostions to osk. I might hove mode

difforont docisions, or porliops boon happior 

wltli tho docisions I did riioko. I1 durlng 

ono of tlio onrly liilcrviows I lind boon prosontod 

with somotliiiig in writiti~j wlilcii 

would ltnve givon rno n clonror undorstnnd- 

I110 of wlicit o~lopllon oritnilod orid whot 

sorvlcos might bo nvoiloblo to mu if I woro 

to docido to koop my bnby. 

Nowndnys, somo pooplo soon1 to lliink that 

hirtiirnotliors should fool guilty for tiavirig 

givon up tliolr childron for odoption. Yot, at 

tho tlme, I was mod0 to fool guilty for wonting 

to koop my boblos. If tlroro Is ony guilt in 

odoption, it should bo shorod by tlioso who 

forcod our backs to tho woll. Porhaps tho 

sociol workers thougtit that tlioy woro helping 

unmorriod mothors by oncouroging 

thorn to keop their illogltimoto prognenclos 

socrot, but it could bo orguod that, In doing 

so, tlioy wero cntorlng to tho projudicos of 

o potrlnrchnl socloty wlilcli, trodilionnlly, 

110s loorod tlio soxunllty 01 wonicti. It 

sooins to mo tho1 blrtlirnolhors oro cxpoctod 

to bo tlio scopogonts for tlio scxual guilt 

of socinty nnd I. for oiio, nin gortiiig tircrl of 

boliig o scnpogoot. 

Editor's rtote: We tvoold wclcorne corttnrerits 

frorti oin renders on rile points nincte 

irr tho nbovo nrticle. Tlie nutlror liol~es tlint 

everitcmlly sho rriny be oblo to obtairi iriforrnntion 

on tho two birtlisoos slic gave rrp 

for nrlopliori. Tlrc first wns bout on April 2 1, 

1959, tlre secorrd on October 4, 1961. 

Ariy person wislrirrg to corrmct lrer niny do 

so core of Forriilv Irrvolvonierrt Journnl. 4 

2 8 FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

. < ,. ... . 7 

w.-c 

,!, ':':3 

, . . . , ' ,>\' 

,,a&9&1Esrsr 

' . .. 

;! ., . .,. ..., , +,. . .. . .. ~;&tg 

'. "' 

.I,. I ; , ,:q ,> 

' OK: N~I 

.d!' , 

(. 

,,,!,,,, r. 

I 

,r, ,,: , , 

- 

4 ' ' '7 

ttllal i Paren q: 

-:-.---. 

.I . , " I.,'.'. 

ii or cithcr rormn'or ncglcci iti ita c~nnnimo~~s 

ObINliG, 

B > Cln$lnima that hn h(~?hnn deiie~%.nncr 

ti~Glr firur smnll~childron~in~1079 while.ehe WIH 

; j~regnaat.Unemployed. with no job nkilln, driver's . 

"a I. Hcetrneor pccw to ellhct tcieplmne or 1)uq service, 

.Ill lrer rnrnl. home neob Hngcrnhw~, she wrrgh\ 

''. telp rrtrm tlld'munty Soern1 qrvic~ r)epnrtmenL. 

)~?s~mong. 

i 4 othepnclions, her five children were 

1 rcmnred frbrN the home in 1980. nnd plnecd 111 

f later I1omea1nr0und the county .on ordern of A 

!$n/le.courijydw. cluk contendcx~ that while it 

rvns diflicc~ll.~b ~ul~port:her children, mhc mninf&tlned,strong, 

nffecl~onole)ie~ with them q ~d did 

nt $nnl to give lhcq II~. '' ' ', ' , ' ', 

,. . . 

!"f! The mnty laid .nyica"depnrin~~n~~ htwev- , 

' $re, iotitlnncd fnr the children's gunrdinnship in 

:'?198!2,' after .the' r tlisite iwo. yarn, mntcnrlit~g . 

I ',tlrnt thelr 'l1&.1 ink 7 eats'! .. wi~uld bo served by tcr- 

: ', minitling Clnrk'u rigkl:k~ 1I1omm1d moking titem 

-' 

; I; nvnil~ible foi ndoplion. .! ', 

7, !! Wnnliitiglon ' Cnu~jly Circrlil' ;Jutlge Daniel W. 

.) Mr)ylor~.rejectcd the petition, finding the two-yenr 

Itmter hom,e.provinic!n utruoostilatiot~ol. , 

!'!!:cl'ho'.dpj)cnls .coutFin "11. O~IIIIUII . by Judge 

'. 

' 

i 

I I 

. !c~n~en.F, Couch Jr.{ n ~rd. 

!-"l'he legislnl~~re,'while reqtriring'clbr untl mn- 

. vincing.evidcnce lknt Lcrmi~rntlnn 'in in the lml ; 

- inlcrents bf, thc.chiltl, hns provitictl thnt nuch shn. 

; 

I 

tlartl ~hnll vc presumctl &hen the child hos hen in 1 

i fiater corc!ror two trr more c~~r~Linc~crt~a yenrn, tl)us 

I .. relieving,thc ~tnte of nsy furlher hurdcn or pn~clf," ! 

' 

1 

he wrole. "In our view, n pnrcnCn right to procnlur- , 

nl duo prte, iie violntcd by,such pre~unrptitrn." ! v 

..,., .. . .. .. ...,. ., 

L .-.1: ,.' - I. .... 5: ' , :+ ,. ' ,. 

, . .,

wonicn's Wcws Society Stylc Family 

v of Losing a Child 

'I 

By CEORGl! II. GRIFFIN rrrn~hrlhcr rho war 11111 allre, hrvc 

Tclrf,rarn hllltord Burr10 chanacd her mllld. 

"In my cnunsclln~lhrre wnsnodlr. 

hlll.~XlRb - Gayle Ilrnrscn prvc curslon.of how lo rope with lhcrc 

up hcr daughlcr for adopllon 10 yerra fccllnga," hlrr. IIrnlscn rald. "It war 

qo. 

mII plolrcd over. The law prorldts 

Al the ilmo rhe thoughl It wag the that we can ncvrr know what hap . 

T1arouglh rfght thlngto do. Shr was an unnlar. wncd lo our chlld. l~torlurc not 

rlrd collc((c rludcnl. me caunlellng knowlnn. 11'1 a punlshntmt un~ulbd 

she rrcclvrd. the alllludc of the adnp lolhrcrl~nc." 

Adoption tl~n~ncy,~d~~oltherhll~r Mrs. llr.n~~on'a conccrn~ a t hc, 

lalhrr lo rcmaln monymnum, her da~~ul~lcr led her In loln the Con. 

jiulll Icd her to bcllcvc rdopllon was ccrncd Utlltcd Dlrlhprrcnts. Inc., a 

lhe bell legacy she could leave her non~prnfll corporallan fnundrd lo hclp 

, a dauphlcr. I parcnlr who have rurrcndcrrd lhclr 

Dul years of no1 knowln~ whclher chlldrcntormdopllon. 

hre daughlrr was bclnu well.lrralcd Thc corporallan was prulnl~ed In 

or no~, whether rha had a 

.. cwd home. Turn IOAE'IE~ GIVING ~a.,rn 

--.- -.------ -- 

8 

. , ?i,,.: 

.. .. . 

',Givhg. a ' 

. . 

. a 

... Afier 

' ' ' 

Child Up. . . 

1 

~onflnurdfm~ Pagef~ ."It cmn also glve you problrmr In record Is scalcd. A new. blrlh cerlln ;' 

trurllnf, men." she mnllnuc$. "I gave tale, llstlng lhcnamn ofthe adupllng p 

Oclober, 1918, and now has chaplcrr up my child 10 yerrr ego. hly dauph. parcnls 81 the parents, Is fllcd. Asm 

acmsr the counln.me mddres, ol llr s trr Xrlrlrn L.8 now. The flnl llme clca mlto ollm,won'l glvc the blrlh.' 1 

na(lonal hcadpuarlcra Is P.O. Box she war *pay from me war lo slay ~parcnlrcoplcsoflhqadopllonpapen. 

" 

st,, ~llfotd. &IN. Ilansarn 11 the ovcrnlghl wllh my prrrnls. I was re. "We also want lo make ouraclver 

corporallon'aiecrcIIry. ' 

luclanl lo lel her ally ovemlghl. 1 avallmblc to. pregnant, unmrrtird 

rrlcd all the way home lnlhe car. womrn;'shcrnld:"Wewanllomrke 11 

cell: supporl 

Part 01 me war 1aylnR.'I'11 never an known lo lhrm lhal wi.,havc shard 

hcragrln."! . , , 

"Our flrsl((orl la toprnvldcs~~pporl 

for 'blrlhparcnlr; BIgBoslnesr . lhcy arcgolng through. I 

" hln. Ilanssrn 1n1 . 

rrld. "We have parllculrr problems hln. tlansscn srld unwed molhcra The llnal lhlng we arc dolng Is in 

lhal we all la*. Soclal workera lcll are subJectrd to lnlense pressure lo our publlc.cducallon role." Mrs. PI \I 

you that Or Idea Is you are no1 aup glve up lhelr chlldren tor adnpllun, llanarcn contlnucd.~'Nlncly~Nur per. 

pored lo lhlnk mboul the adopllon or even If lhcy 8.1 they wan1 lo kccp vccnlof blrlhprrmb wan1 to be tound. 

i ' 

. . . lhclr cipcrlrnce and we know 7h.L I 1 

. fcrl the loss of your chlld, Dul we lhelrbablcs. ;. . . Wo are no1 a rcarch aucncy, bul ws , 

know you can ?ever forget about a 

.'One faclar lrihat adopllonlr a blb ' can rvfcr aommne who is looking for ' 

chlld. . . monrymaklng burlncrr." rbc sald, 1111 ur her bklhps~nl 

"Secondly, we play m rdvocicy "When an rpcnq placcs a chlld. It acarrhagmcy. . I : 

or chlld 

rolc to asrlst blrlhparentr In lhclr gclr a fr.r:Some agcnclcr grl blg 

.i,,,C,re here We ,but 

dcallngl vlB adopllon m#rnclrs." tccl. When an agency helps l molhcr (he wclf,re of our rhlldrcn. \YC rant 

hln. Ilanssm aald the alllludo ot kccp a child. IIgclrno fec. 

lo know our chlldren evrnlually. \Vc 

~oclcly and faus of adopllon laws cr.. "We know of a woman In Washlng to bc lo cIpliln we did 

cludc blrlhparcnlr lmm the llrer of toll. D. C. who cat golnn lo arrmge 

lr lorlhcm." 

. lhelr chlldr~ once lhe ~dopllon Pa. for mn open adopllon.'.Thal Is, she 

pcrs ~rerl~td.Orlglnal blrlh ccriln. would have mn opporlunlly lo mccl 

calcr am realcd. Adopllon agcncler lhefamlly betorr the actual rdopllon. 

gcncrrll~ nfuse lo any where the. She had lhlr arranged lhmugh m 

chlld har b m placcd. 0tlcn:adopllon ,.church i8crley. 

agmcln do not kccpbmck bfehlldrcn .: !-Bui,anolher rgrncy told hcr lhlr 

;.:?;: ha~;?:,:,$~,?, *he ; was absolutcl~ illcgrl. 7hcy prea. 

I: surd .her .to place &he :*Ud :?llh 

worken are a pmduct of them. . . _.. . ., .,. . .. , 

.'~ac~al 

thrlr ,balnlnf, and cducmllon:' Uln. ~lhc lnformatlon i.e were (~lvcn la 

Ilmnssen rald. !?cy IIU~Y bmlu on lhrl Le agency lhrt.arrangcd lhc 

how to counacl unwrd molhen. Bul' open adopllon wma golng lobe glven a 

IQc bwlu urn no1 wrlllm by anwed . $200 10 Stw in. Th?,closcd.mgcncy 

mothen.methcoq 11 wrong." wa~polngtof,t112,1w..~ -':;' : ' 

i 

. 'Ihc two ancnclo wcrc fym lhc 

' P1ycbo~o~c~~hohbmr , , ramechurch.nlalrd organlzallon bul 

rcrc In d!tfrrcnl dloccrca:Many ol us 

Mrs. lhns'cn raid Ihs lack of rclc- .frcI that romellma adobllon la Jusl 

van1 munlcllng. the mfuaml of adop ,cg.lkd:eh(ld ,elllnp..ll~,~b~g burl. 

. lion wmclcs lo Pmvldc 1nform.llon .nrss. Ilo, man, ,dQpllona 

m,lly 

. on the weltarr of the mdoplrd chlld unn-?,nl,: :$. , , 

and anrleUrr cr~~rcd by fcellnps of ,:::,. , 

, . 

gull1 artcn lrrd (o prychologlc~lpmb . . A Rlgbl la Rand:. '. 

. 'ern of lhe Cm6crncd Unllcd Dlrih. 

lrms for lhc blrthpmrrnl. 

parenti' philosophy 1% that every par. 

hbr. 'lannrrn Ir marrlcd and now 

en1 ihou~d hmre a lo knqy ~l.1 

has lwomoredaughlrn. 

hla or hcr chlld L, well. ParrnU who 

"You've losl r chlld." she amld. In lo nnd out bow lhclr chlldrrn arc 

"You devdcp a fear of loslng your orfen are refused IIIC lnlo+aUon, 

olhcr chlldrm. We hmve problrmr Llrr. llanrsrnrmld. ' . . i 

aboul how we ice1 almul oursrlvrl. "We.rupparl lrglrlrllon for'opcn 

You Ice your other chlldrcndlllennb rccordr:' hln, l3mrstn rdd. "We 

Iy, Im. You nrvrr,knm when you uanl lo @ able In gel coplra of blrlh . 

glvcup r rhlld for adopllon how II wlll crrtlllralcr. 11 dlgnlner the conlrlbu. 

altul your rclrllonrl~lps wllh your llon re make lo lhcrc chlldrrn. Once , 

.: olhcrchlldrcnoryourhuaband. .. 'a chlld ir adoplrd, hL orlplnal birth 

' 

I 

6.b'.0 

I~S~CN~~.CL./ CAL. n~P~l7.5 

0l'E.V &?

i 

! 

. . 

i 

"I Gave My Dclugliter Away- 

; 

and bund Her Again" 

. . 

i 

i 

I 

i 

I 

1 

'. 

I 

, 

! 

I .. 

i 

I 

1 

' 

A ~nell~crj trclc slary ns tuld lo l~er clsngl~ler, LCRIIII I). I111rlgc11s 

111 my Bcnri I scorchcrl jor l~cr nll ojwy Ifc, n~~r l~y ogc 22 1 rcr~llzcrl 

1hn1 III! ~cnnrlcrii~ga fl~rr~~flnfnsics nl~oei 111g t~nlnrfl/ !nol/~cr IVFIF IIDI 

ci~naglr. I knctu lhnt I twtrlrl ncuer bc mlis/ictl 1oll11 less i11n11 ihcj~ll 

lnrfh rfrtly orl9lr1. And I knew I ~co~rltl IICUC~~II~ JICICC 11111il I n~ci 111c 

Iicrsen wlro hrtr 'I glue11 ste life. 

So ttry lhrcc ycnr acnrclr bcgnn. I tcrt~facorn$ rfli~lfcrs, )~lnccrl phoilc 

cnlls ncrnss flat cu~~nfry, fnlkctlu4fh jrrrlgm nnd rlucfor3, fcllurtrrl cuciy 

chrc, cucw ht~nch, cucw hujie. 

Anrl tl~ct~ It hn~r~icnctl, My 11he11c mng one CUCII~II~, nr~d fhc colce o~r 

thcorltt!r enel not11 illnl shc tcns rhc twrnnn I tens Irrr~klngfir. 'Ilccr~fy.jiuc 

ymlr nflcr I IlMJ jilr~cctlj~ir flt~fljl~~oll, 1 jueltld ihc ~rnrrmrc who hod fifccn 

blrih m IC-NIV nnt~rrnl inothcr. 

Slilcc fhnr jrlioi~c cnll, sly lfc 11ns cl~ni~gctl III IIIIIII~ tcnys. Alnlnly I hnut? 

n jcrall~rg rfgrrnf rcllcf-nrrrl flml jt~y-in knou~ii~g sly jntnlly. Aly o111y 

rcgrcf is fhnr I rlirlrt'l know fhcin ~~HIIICT. 

, Ilcm, 111 her oeun twrrts, 18 my rt~ul/rcr~ afunj. 

Inst \\~inlcr I sn\v tny cli~~~gl~tcr for ll~c 

flrst lln~e in 25 ycnrs. Ilic lnst 

litnc \ve \\*ere lugcthcr sl~c l~ntl Ircun JISI tl~rcc elnys old. 

C:ivl~q 1111 Len~n~ fi~r ndupllun \vnr tl~c l~nr~lesl ll~lt~g I've cvcr donu. I'cl 

1'111 IIISII snro tl~nt It was ll~e best llllng k~r Iler nnd hir tnc. 

711o rLvavn for rny clcclsiu~t goes l~nck 111 tl~e ti~nc I \?IS 17. Ilccc~~tly 

cll~rirccrl, I ltnrl n t~inc-l~~o~~th.olcI dnngltlcr, I)cl~l~lc. to st~plrt~rt. AIIIIIIII~II 

1 \\TI% wry ~WIIII~, I 11nrl 1111 II~>IIIIIS tl~nt I ci1111el 11ring 1111 l)cI111fe 1111 III~ 

rnv~t nnd give ltcr tl~u life sl~e ne~~led. ll1ci1 u!lc fall cvcnlr~g rr~y plnl~s fur 

tilt! ti~t~~rt! wcrc clcstrnycd. 

A cns1111l n~~lt~ni~~ln~~cc. 

R ~nnn 1'11 never CVCII li~!ct~ 011t u,ltl~. rini!rt!il IC 

n ride F~~IIII nurk.. I! \vns ul~ly nncr \vc wcrc alrenrly 1111 tl~c wity tl1111 I 

rcnllxcd l ~c wns very i~~loxlvntctl. \\'IICII \vc renrl~ccl n sccl~~decl nrrn, l~c 

pnlled into n slrle mail. hly 11lct1di11g, n ~y scrennts nn~l ntt~tnl~ts 

fl~111i11g 

111111 oIF didn't wrk. lil~~~tlly, ~II~II IIC ~ n tu0 s cxl~n~~stcd to 1111rt IU 

nnynltlrc, II~ ngrced lo lnkc n ~c 11i11nc. 

IVl~cn I kiu~ld oul I uns [,rcgtmal, 111)' \\l~rId lt11111iIed ~DWII nru1111d IY 

fcct. I lnoved tu 4 nci~rlry town all11 sti~ycd III sccl~~slut~ 1111lll nnur the 

l~nl~y ws IIII~II. 1111ring tl~ntilnc 1 s11ent ri~nny Irn~g nnd 1r111cIy 11r111rs 

tryl~~g to dculdc wl~nt lo tlo. At lost I reacl~ctl tl~c l~c;~rtl~rcrtklog clrclsh~n 

tl~al ndrrptlo~~ wns tl~c lrcsl ~vt~rsc--ll~u rnlly coilrsc. I 6:lt I CIIIII~III'I lrri~~g 

1111 iwu cl~ildrc~~ ~III ~ny I\VI, 1 nlsu \\.t~~~tud IY IIIIII~ to grow 111111011py rnld 

~~ruatl, wltl~ nr~tl~ll~g I II~ nslt~~~~ctl of. 

111;1t SI~IC~ 1 ~IIVC l11rll1 111 n l~cn~ttlf~~l, ltc!ttItl~y girl \~IIII Itnil a lr~vcly 

cr~~n~~lcxiou nnrl dnrk l~trlr llku irrlnc. I nnn~cd Ilcr KIIIIII~~II nncl gnvc l~cr 

~ny cx.11e1s1~~r1Oi se!rnntilc. Ancr I slgncd llrc n~liiptlun imllcrs..l crlctl 

11sti1 IY cyus wurc nlrnr~st srollen sltttl. 'J'lie clo~,tr~r \\r~~rld~it rr!lcnsc III~ 

T~UIII tl~u l~ospitnl li~r (\\TI nlerrc dnys, wl~lcl~ nlrnrlf I Itnd to 1vt1tcl1 tlrc 

olltcr ~~tt~ll~crs wltl~ tl~ulr bnlrles-n rid11 tl~nl \\?IS tcnllrly ~elr16iI k~r tile. 

As lllu yrnrs wsnl 11): I rcn~nnicd, g11ve IIII~II 111 n sell1 nnrl \s~ntcl~rrl tllr 

l~lldrc~ r v I I I ~ I C i ~ tI s Ilclr I r i g I (cu~~ll~~c~ctl)

I - 

Itb Not c'rlllllrlllcrl Easy 

1I1c- cnr. SIIC slnrli~cl \vtcIk111g lc~\v~~rel III~., 

i 

n11cl \~II~*II ~ve! ri-~~cl~c-il r11e11 trtllc~r, I 11111 

III~ 

I 

tlrnls II~IIIIII~I Ilcr 111111 IIIIII~IIIII:~ IICIIII. 

1 

I cri~~hl~il my rrry IIIII~~I 1111irc! II~.P:IIISL. I 

\\ns nrri111l I'cl cry ,\s S~HIII IIY \vt- rt- 

I I tri'Ier krrgot nlxillt rrry ol)icr dlllrl. lbr! PIII,I!~L-~~ fnrrrr !lie 1111111rl IIII~IIIC~, IW I!III\?*. , 

rl~llcl 1.l111d to glvr 1111. Sl~r \WIS 111 n guvxl 111 t11c. 111111s1! so \vi! c~r11111 r1.1111y flllk. 

I111111e: slllllellllllg Ill~llle told IIIC s0. 1111t 1 IA.IIIIII 10111 1111: 1111 tl~e clr~~~lls 111 111.r 

1111ssc~I 111.r IIIIII~III~~I~SS. \VII~II llc~l~lric- IIIIIK sai~reh 11, 1111c1111~. 

'1'111.11 1 t11li1 lliqr 

rrarllccl ialr~lescr~~ce, nncl I lrri~y~~l filr 111)' ~PIIYIIIIS h~r gIv111g l~rr 1114 rltlcl SIIC I 

gc11cI1111cc- lcr 11elp Ilisr tltn111gI1 !l~crw 11IfIi- 111~:i-{r1c~cIII? rlr!c1sir111. SIN!

. ~ 

TAir u lk fit ofo ru-prt xrri~ n I'll tell you. tlum'n rmlmcnml~rnlim,',lcn*b wlut klnddlamily they **nt Lr ' litifitlion la tllc nhnnuth nt nn 

dqtin. In tk mt Lnr dqtp an$ who hun'l ssnizd thr m d lur life, tllc cblld; wccnmunl(r thm In nrilca , Incmsin~ ttttntlxr nl *nnitt>n ilLtlitl 

dqritrfitnnr~dmt. ' , rhrrr(ivin a child up lwdqdon." I ) . latcr lor tlr rhiW to md whm k turns ndoptions cnunl 11). a pmin~ 

dn.tning~. 

andn b nnl 37 an okl,yu nhc ' * Rotw fhl chlldrm are uJapcd in', 19. mnd m*l*ir tl~tn 

in kqin taxlt , dnd~~~*aNr~vl~itci~~l~nt~ 

~ms*(mt~nk~~rrli~c~it~~tn im hidrx County wry mr -din id WIII ~~nlorit In* I8 ran." 

"let'm law it," ltr wki. "l'ml'r? fit 

S Iartlur tlr vltcmlmrtn n/lrI Cimtit Coun natiatio:~41~w1~6na.*~ flt~tCati~olic~~ar~ti~like~krem . t ~ ~ t I ~ a ~ i ~ y ~ ~ r t ~ ~ i t i t ~ ~ ~ ~ a t t I ~ 

falnily. 

,wrcfilcd In 1982. ' i :' pltl~lic, and private #&a. mill I* m~ ot~~~~tci~l~~r~~lo 

a ttwrigta t>rasItlvr 

Anddr lurlrtntumdul.Cmm~krr .: nut . tlronqh mtd.txcdld pw.' nlem intomution d t l w 8 mln clAd or do \\.Itfit I dii. .lrl fit utn~hrr 

hm~n hnvc Inn ik~nl emrrl~lt~~ ltd t~attcin an! ~ncrrnain Iruzr unrd , odcr. l'\Ve'm N( don'tim smncim." . nmtr, Anal null). ID! tlsw pvrtllt, all,, 

nlly lor llcr tulanl nr*lur. bl alnlor nl~mmmcldn~t~~dtrn~umi~i~t_~.; 

\Vmnkl. , 1 ~nrrnlmdy*rr).In~etn~~l,mrrltmy*iftg~tt 

Ilcr 'own dau~btcr. wlm the rmna inn 8d im mutc.,nnyding to rxill? ; Nu ire lrinh and vlnplhm mod* ~n%\r." 

lmml hrrloaiv. t~nlnr.~tmimnmr20 war~r$Ww~at.~. 

nn~n itwlnulr ixnlrntutr ntl,~n. 

...... .:.. .. I i' ~mil~bklolhrbinhmmt,:Viminblrw (hl~rr 

pvni~l~ sr. Dui whrttliydm'~rblileis' 

11111 we've bcrn punidvd cnoupb 

.Irarly." 

mmt tlur munrls ahout ZW prcg;tant . Mvbn 811 &or; ti~e I&nm t 

RaIn mil dbe smt bun in the firla a yar. "Girl8 ue Lqnp tkir .d~or~&rvkin~icltmn,d,*ndm& 

ljbnry d Cangrm di dn up dd shim tIuacdaya."dm mid.'7'hcrc'a nd : rmn onlen mn"cnmncly nrr." 

imnc t - ~ ixrur ihc Simi'iy ~antcd u much miima nnprhd to h mvmm. ,~~ -.~. '. :' "I all. knw d ............... ar tlut urn rrer ~ t p 

In un. 11u dq*ivc pmtu m c "cry m11dnlm,tl,~ XU irhthinktl 2 msv 

,Cfon qnn~nl,"d~e mid; "and It rw drm to 

mopn.livc;thr). nut uith lm-tally t11c irby on toD nt Cht tm I ~edmcdrltild. 

hlorc hcrm w~uldmgrrran hrr. (ADC)." . kdllu lo Fuhr County mul'mtmnt 

of binhprmu b ..lo Grnr S)kn. an h i o n IFGIN m r 

u?t'tl" 

"It's thc qtnda." n W Paub. 

rn*llina tltc clnrd dmn atd ~aanld clunmnn wi~h t k limo. mid WM. tinmlrd~d~mwovnnmm~hh~ pmntr 

Sla '"l'hcy /urn tmt you likcdin. And "Vt& 2am w d b d h them at , d e dun wr& to -I 

~. ~.~ 

tried & file MI hcr tutunl 114l&. 

wltolmddinl Iny tl8.1 tinu, m nmtabnle 

cum I,% tIcpir#ing her tn~l*r "trnnt 

Ilq:%~tl~,~td ma~ulrly in~?Ili~rnt.l' 

\Vhrt's tlmt nupp.ol to tnnn. artr 

Ili~ltcr,,tltnn a ntwcual" Snntlrr 

rxvlai~nc,l. Nu !\vn'Icr ~iy pcq~lc 

liar mndsmlnl. 

Iltcir r ttml tn nr,ntc iq rntrlly 

bdrrin~ on mdinl. my I!BC ltinlt: 

&timud -

Continud 

"We had one CUB member irr 

Itimom," mid Sandra. "Doth thebinlr 

mother and her son were senrclring for 

each other, they later lmmd that they 

had been in tlic same office within the 

mme week. But the social worker never 

mida word toeitheroftlirm." 

And slie mllsoneof hcrown fruitlars 

tiip to Richmond, when asocial worker 

"mt tight there in fmnt of me.witli my 

motlrer's nameandaddressand wouldn t 

tell men thing. When she accidentally 

dropped a ptrotop-aph from.the file, she 

avooped down and grabbed it sa fnst, I 

.never got a chance to scc it. Ilicn she 

dcnid it cvagnpia~~mofmy morl1cr. But 

if it cvnsn't a picture of m mother, why 

would she be m careful a LJ ut letting me 

an it?" 

It wnsn't until the family friend ,in 

Gnat Fnlbcontaad IicrtlratSundrawas 

.' able to lam the truth about frerdd 

.. mother, fmm her tmubkd Georgin 

cliildliod to her fateful out-of-wedlock 

pmgnancy. and the decision to relane 

Sandra to someone better able tomre for 

Iicr. 

' 

nrmugh the l~elp of other family 

: friends,Snndra 1111s beenable toseeall the 

photograpIra she wants. And it wns this 

i experienm that led her to scarch for her 

own daughar. 

"At the time, 1 didn't know wliat I cvns 

doin ," sl~e nuid. "I puem I wnn rally 

rcbetng a~ninst my adoptive parents for 

; not telling me the truth about my past." 

"But once I went tlimuglr all the pain . 

and torture d trying to lomte my own 

mother, I made up my mind that m 

dnuglrterwould ncvcrlinvetoptlimug r I 

that. I decided I would find iicr, even if 

slie didn't want to ace are, just to kt her. 

know that I wan hem if slic ever did want 

to meet me.". 

Sandra's ncarclr to locllte la; own 

daughter lms lxen successful. And, 

altlrougli she has violated both tlrc letter 

drrd spirit of the law, wlriclr liy 

discnuraging ado lon thmuglr intermedinrics 

nnd pro I?' 11biting the rclmc of 

mords, eks to treat atlop~ionn an 

~kelaona in tlle farnily clwt nnd rlrgcn 

both rnotlrerandcl~ild toclasetlredwro~i 

tlre pnt, Sntrdm mid sllc is now more 

cunretrt t11ar1 slrehnscver been in Irerlife. 

i 

- 

Arm-wide mcetirlp of Corrcenid , 

United Binliprents are held the second 

Sunday of each 111011t11 at 6 p.111. nt St. 

Cliriao Irer'~ Cliurcli in Ncw Carrollton, 

~dl(l.'r)rtl~enrotrtliof Ma only.tlie.~ 

~nectilig will be lreltl tlre tlli&urrlns.) 

For infortnation 1x11 Cam1 Sitoln at 262- 

7,w. 

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4c 

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J 

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..,.! 

.,Recently In a pnrklng lot outslde a Florlda : 

supermarket, 1 watched a woman In a nearby car ,. 

carefully sortlng what were obvlously packets of 

r,,l,M"s lnln oon"r-1.. hl.r-L.- .&-A -I. 

C,U,R. 

.j EAmkt 

~ ~ G I J N I U N 

- ADvf'7cCE 

/h)tTtnrtx

- . . .. 

' I was quoted In a ~ a~slcld 

y (page 3Cj about :? 

the gonls anH purposes of Concerned Unlted ! 

' Blrthpnrents., l felt the nrtlcle was somewhat '; 

'mlslendlng. . . . It mentloned CUB's Interest In:'&: 

' preventlng the klnd of exploltntlon many blrth..: 

: mothers experlenced at the hands of ngencles : 

', anxlous to receive placement fees by sepatatlng 

our chlldren from us and placlng them wlth adopt.- 

' tlve parents; But It felled to mentlon any of the ' 

' servlces we provlde to prevent such exploltatlon. ;:" 

I' 

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< 

l' 

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! When a young mother's famlly refuses to nld,.' ..,:. .... . -, 

' her, she, may have no chloce but to surrender.;:, 

unless others provlde the help @he needs to get ': .I 

support. 

. . 

. . 

I 

. .. 

.. ... 

' else thnt needb to be done , , 

devnrtntlon of famlly 

. 'Real'parents 

I 

i 

Often, our 

of sepnrntlon Is enough to persuade reluctant par-! 

: entn to ald their daughtem In deeplne thelr chll., . . ..., . . , . I 

. dren. Mothers do not get over the trauma.of~loa~; 

f Ing a child to adoptlon, because separation is,not 

a one-time event. Each momlng a bltthmother, 

faces yet another palnful day wlthout her @Id; 

I t ,' 

Over 37 percent of inothgrs are so traumatized 

' they're never able to have another chlld;.Fofi 

; those of us who do, no subsequent chlld can ever1 

replace the chlld we lost, any more. than other. 

parents love thelr older'chlld less when they have 

. ,.,,. < 

. another. baby. ., ' 1 . . , . ., 

,., ./! 

: Our chlldren grow up in incomp1ete famtltes, 

1 worrying wlth us over the fate of thelr brother or, 

slster. We know what It Is llke to be forced to 

surrender a chlld to the care of strangers, and to 

spend yearn of sleepless rilghls worrying about 

that chlld. We do everything we can to provlde 

alternntlves so that today's mothers will not be 

. . ., 

. . 

Cnmle adereon natlonal vlce presldent 

- . M m e d Unlted Blrthparentn, 

/;Yf Ya.?, /9P? c.P. t9ffzme Iowa. city 

. forced to @low others to take tholr. pla~,ln thelr 

" ,. 

I chlld's llfe. . . * .'; . , : i . : .; . 

!;'.Dear IfIS OTHER MOM: ,. . : . 

When I had your letter, my heartach&. ' .: 

1i:when I was a chlld, my ,adoption war 

6.: never kept 8 secret from me. I knew 1 was . 

' . ad~pted.before 1 knew what the word , I 

y:mant- 1 wasqydlfferent': and ,there wu no. . I 

!, :~hmglng It::.i.: . .. . . . . 

' . I 

' I used to Pretend that mr"lreal*' pmn~:? 

. 

k::h* ken kllled I" a car a 1 .i 

i:. can a child explaln to hlmelf that b19 . . . I 

..-'.Parenls 

dldn't .want thlm?' . . r .,! 

'::.\Hhen I grew up, I found out thni.1 was:. ,;. 

t .;. ; 

. 

. ;, 

:. .. .. ,. I*,,..::- .I .'' . :.\I 

., . . , . 

, :, 

' I : 'I 

,. ....:: . . . . ' 1' 

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, . .. .. .. L 

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r/3 7

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. 

Decnus; I no longer L d a television set, 

I had to nnd new wnys of entertaining 

myself at night. The nrst night, I rcnrranged 

the entire apqtmcnt nnd hung 

u some bright posters that I had pur- . 

ctnsed weeks before. 

Tb necond nlght, I decided to expcri. 

ment and ended up mnklng whole-wheat 

bread. I had nevcr mnde it before, and I 

felt so proud of myself when I saw those 

crisp brown loaves.coming out of the 

oven, 

Each dn teemed like more fun now, 

, bccnusc I &it like I hnd lrlends to slrnre 

things wlth. Althouglr I wasn't ns close to 

thcm as the frlcnds I had left at home, I 

kncw that in time I could be. I renlized 

now that I hndn't given other people 

much of achnnce to be my friends. . 

The thlrd night. I had just gotten home 

from work nnd chnn ed into old clothes, 

preparing to do tile k nundry, when tlrerc 

war a knock on the door. I opened I: to 

nnd Mike stnndin there. It took n mo-, 

mcnt for me to rcnflze why Ire looked different, 

nnd then I saw\ that be wasn't in 

unltorml 

"You're wenrin normnl clothes," 

blurted out In surpr f se. 

Mike Inughed. "I don't wenr my uniform 

when I'm offdut ." 

"nut if you're off i uty. then wlry are 

1 you here?' I nsked, puuled. 

L "Thls is a ~crsonnl call," Mikesni!. "I 

didn't come /lere for police business. 

70 "You cnnre toseeme?" I nsked. 

1 ' 

"Yes-unless you're hlding someoue 

else in here." Mlke replied wit11 a grin. 

"Oh, pleare come In," I sold. "I 

wnsn'l tbinklng." 

Mlke looked nt the pile of dirty ciotl~u. 

"Looks like you're etting rendy to do 

Inundry. Would ou ikkesomc help?" 

"Sure," I repifed bnppily. 

And, so, strnnge ns it sounds, thnt's 

txnctly whnt Mike and I did. After we'd 

put the lnundry in, we ordered a tnke.out 

iun and shnred n bottle of red wine. We 

r 

aughcd and kidded each other ns if we'd 

been friends for ycnrs. 

At the end of tire evenin , Mike took 

me in his nrrns and held met f ghtly ngninrt 

him. I snu glcd closer, feeling secure and 

happy in h& embrace. 

'You're a very specini indy," Mike 

whispered to me. "I'm nlmost hnppy 

your npnrtment wns robbed because I got 

to meet you." 

I tilted my face un for the kiss tltnt I 

knew was cdmitrg, aid It wns every bit as 

.nod nr I'd hnncd. 

Since that njgltt, Mlke nnd I hove been 

dating stendily. We'll be setting married 

in aliout six~months. nnd 1% invited 

- - - - - . - . . - . - - . 

- . 

everyone in my dcnnrtment to the wcddlng 

The police never did cntch tire bur inr 

who rnnsncked nry npnrtment; but, B n n 

strnnge wny, 1'11 nlwnys be grntcful to 

whocvcr it wns. Thc robbcry brought nrc 

n new outlook on life-nnd n llfe with !Ire 

mnn I ~ OVC~ 

Tllf: END 

by pure chnncc, nnd even sot to becotrie ' 

purl of his dally life. You see, last yenr 

my son wns in the sixth grndc, nnd I wns 

his tenchcr. 

When I wnr n lccrmgcr, and before all, 

this happened, I lind occnsionnl dates, but 

never a steady boyfriend. I went to tile 

movies nnd cxchnnged n few kisses, but 

Lhnt was nhout all. When I nlet Milton, 

though, things chnngcd. Tire rclationsl~ip 

didn't last, nnd we mndc love only once. 

but I ended up pregnnnt. To make things 

worse, I completely ignored nt condition 

until I wns almost hnlfwny tirough nty 

prcgnnncy. 

Onc dny, i~owcver, my rnothcr took trre 

nslde and nskcd mc if l wns pregnant. I 

tried to hide the truth, but sire took mc to 

a doctor n~rd ire contlrmcd tlrnl she wns 

right. Before I kncw whnt wns going on, 

they sent me off to n lro~nc for unwed 

mothcrs. My nrcnts mndc it clear thnt I 

wns welcome gome, but I kncw my baby 

would ncver be occcptcd. 

On April ninctecnth, n dny I will ncver 

torget, my bnby was horn. I didn't get to 

sce him, but the nurse told me that he svns 

n healthy male. I was nliowed to give him 

a first nnmc, nnd I nnmrd him Lee. 

Attcr I returned home, I went back to 

school, mnde up the work I'd missed by 

going to summer school, and grndunted 

with my clnss. I supposc that people 

kncw, or nt lens! suspected, where I hnd 

been, but no one ever snid anything to me 

about it. I wns just as glad they didn't, bccnuse 

I dldn't even speak to my own fnrn. 

ily about my illtle boy. I kncw there wns 

no polnt in upsettin thcm; but thouglr it 

wns nppnrcnt thnt t 7 ley wnntcd to forget 

about him, I knew I nevcr could. 

To be honest, pnrt of me lived in a 

dream world I had created. I tried to 

imngine how little Lee looked, where he 

wns, what he wns like, nnd how his 

parents cnred for hlm. At times. 1 even 

pretended thnt Lee wns with me. nrtd we 

were a 11s py motl~cr nnd son. nut every 

year, on r.ee'r birtirdny, n heavy gloom 

would descend on me nnd I pltied m self 

for being deprived of the joy of rasing r 

Lce. 

Afler I grndunted from high school, I 

went to the stnte tenclrcr's college. I hnd 

decided thnt in helping othcr children, I 

mlght sntlsfy my longing to be part or my 

son's IIre. 

As soon as I got my teachirrg certincnte, 

I went to work inn public scirool 

ncnr a lnrge city in m home state. It was 

a smell school-on !' y two classes per 

grade-but last yenr wns nlready my tl~ird 

yenr Icnchiag there. About two weeks 

alter scl~ool started, n new child enrolled 

inmy clnss. ltis nnmc wns LeeGiiman. 

I don't remember making nnv conncc- 

. tlons nbout his name nt flrst. Lee tit in 

well with tire clnss. Tltc students liked 

him, nnd I did, too. He was n good student, 

pnrticulnrly in reading nnd cornwl~lclr 

were my fnvoritc subwas 

well-mannered nnd had a 

cnutiful smile. 

Lee nr~d I got nlong well. I tensed him 

nbout l~nvlng so mnrry "girllriends," nnd 

he worked hnrd lor my npprovnl in clnss. 

Dut it wns~r't until the Friday betore the 

Chrislmns lrolidnys thnt I put two nnd

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Editoriel director. . 

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.r About this issue ... 

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JOHN L. BROWN, .: -i "'. ' . 

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i The stories which appear in this special issue of Family 

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' ' , Editor .. ' . ;, ,::, . .

Editorial 

How do I love thee? 

by JOHN L. BROWN, Fnsll. Acs~. AOPA 

Foundor of tho Browndolo Movomont 

for Community Based Trootmont 

In oil of mon's inhumonity to mon throughout Mon has tho capocity to pass on from gonorotion 

tho history of monkind, thoso doods which oro dono to gonorotion tho wrongs that ho hos sulforod. 

in angor and hostility con bo rodrossod ond doolt whothor they ore overt wrongs or covort wrongs. 

with by tho victims ond by socioty et largo bocouso And thoro is o whole gonoration of people who 

you con fight egoinst evil, you con fight ogoinst hove sufforod from tho inhumonity of our social 

wrongs ond you can got support in thot fight: 

sorvice systems bocauso thoy woro poor, bocouso 

but tho inhumanity that is done in tho noma of they wore helploss, bccouso thoy woro young. 

"good", in tho nomo of "holp", in tho nomo of bocauso thoy hod no odvocotos, bocauso thoy wore 

"servico", thot is tho kind of inhumonity thot trootod unjustly, bocouso thoy woro trootod as 

offors no opportunity for redress. To ottock tho though thoy hod wrongod pooplo by having o 

do-gooders is to olionate yourself and to fight 

child. We now ilove to coll thoso social sorvico 

ogoinst tho systom is to fight ogoinst "good 

systoms to task, we hovo to bring thoso injustices 

structure", to fight against thoso ports of socioty 

into public view. 

thot ore supposed to be coring for tho noods of This issuo of our journal is on ottompt on our port 

people. And so the victims ore victims without to shore with our readers somo of tho histories 

rocourso, with no opportunity for obtaining 

of somo of tho pooplo who hovo boon wrongod by 

.- sympdthotic support. And ~ hot wo soe in the lows our social sorvico systems. We invito you to 

tho1 have offoctod tho rights of children is that toko whotover action is opproprioto in your torms to 

if a child hod o need that extended beyond his redress thoso wrongs - not for tho people whose 

family's copacity to copo with it, tho systom 

stories you rood horo, thoy ore olroody helping 

robbod these children and thoir poronts of tho right thomsolvos, but for tho pooplo in your own 

to redress tho wrongs that were done in tho wmmunitios who havo boon victims of those kinds 

name of "service". 

of so~icos- the parents who hovo lost their 

children ond tho chiidron who hovo lost thoir 

This special edition of Family lnvolvomont is filled rootodnoss through theso "good" intentions. 

with tho stories of people who hove suffered, 

Ihe Of Ovil 

And tho first stop that has to bo t~kon in redressing 

wrongs of this typo is to insist thot peoplo toke 

but 0s o rosult of tho systoms and procticos of 

pooplo good poopie Ot 

o position. This issuo is presented to you in tho 

form of o confrontation. Which side ore you on? 

night fooling that their day's work hod boon o Thero is no placo in this issue for middlo groundors. 

good work for mankind. And whon a systom bo- for modorotos. Either you oro ogeinst tho systom 

comes cloaked in thot kind of aura, thoro has to bo that wrongs pcopie or you ore for it. You connot 

hurt in tho redressing of it. We connot tolk 

bog tho quostion by saying thoro is some good and 

swootly to tho pooplo who committed these 

somo bad, otc. . .. thero cannot bo "soma good" 

wrongs: wo hovo to toik straight, we hove to con- one ,,orson is wilon 

front, wo hovo to be brutally frank, wo hovo to 

has no rodross for thot wrong. 

put thom bofore o "firing squod" in essence, to 

rodross tho wrongs thot woro dono. Whon genor- One thing you con do, if no othor action or 

otions of people hovo boon hurt, to soy "I'm 

outlet sooms opproprioto to you, is to join, or 

sorry" isn't enough. Somobody.has to toke tho othorwiso support, organizations like Poront Finders. 

blomo, somobody hos to be punishod, or olso tho Orphan Voyogo or Concornod United Birthporonts. ' 

sicknoss, tho hypocrisy that was port of the 

These orgonizotions ere trying, in positivo woys, 

system cannot bo chongod: it livos on in tho to rodross tho wrongs ond deol with tho rosiduoi 

I. 

- hoorts of tho victinls end mokos thom cynical ond fooiings thot these injustices hovo loft in tho 

vongoful and noedy. 

hearts and minds of tho victims. 

VOLUME 9 /NUMBER 6 

J

"A NATURAL MOTHER SPEAKS OUT ON 

ADOPTEES' RIGHT TO KNOW" 

"The signing of o paper moy have nulliliod any legel 

responsibilities to my deughter, but that oct connot 

nullify my feelings." 

- Lorroine Dusky, TOWN AND COUNTRY, October, 

1976. 

*.... 

MARILYN WAS 16 AT THE TIME OF HER DAUGHTER'S BIRTH 

IN SEPTEMBER OF 1946. MARILYN BELIEVES SURRENDER 

PAPERS WERE SIGNED THE FOLLOWING JUNE OF 1947. 

"I was 16 years end e Junior in High School. I was terribly confused 

and oshemed. I couldn't believe it was true. I felt terribly 

guilty nt the time obout my parents who were naturoily upset. My 

parents and I hsd never even discussed the facts of life; my mother 

couldn't believe I would have any occasion to need this informotlon 

et that time. They were very hurt. Only ono girlfriend at tho 

time knew of my pregnency. I've told e few just this year end they 

said they never know. 

Tho birthfather novor mentioned marriage. He iielpod pay some 

of the expenses of my confinement at tho Florence Crittenton 

Homo in Brighton, Mossechusetts. My parents suggested odoption 

right from the beginning and I think he wos relieved. 

Being at Flo Crit with others in similar circumstances helped 

me odjust. I nursed and loved my baby for six weeks and thot 

time is precious to me. 

As far as counsolllng, no one ovor suggested ony way for me 

to keep my daughter. Everyone impressed on me thot adoption 

was best for my deughter - the only selfless thing :o do..(Now 

' 

I'm not so sure). I went along with everything - I didn't have 

on olternstive. 

My parents did drive me to the foster homo to visit my birthdaughter 

twice. I cried on tho woy home end my father said I 

couldn't see her again. 

I hove never felt thet giving her up was reolly my choice. But 

I hove ~lweys preyed it was the right decision for her. I would 

love to lieve tho chonce to tell her how much I love her. I would 

iiko to know if she is olive. Happy? I really fool i should hove thot 

right. I could novor toke the place of a mother, I know, for I missed 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

But you don't forgot. You novor forgot. And you novor forgot 

tho poin. Yos, lifo goo8 on, and if you oro lucky you build o iioppy, 

fulfilling lifo for yoursoif. But timo is your friond only in its growing 

longth botwoon ottocks of poin, loss, griof, end guilt. Tho guilt, if 

you ore lucky, obotos. But tho poin ond loss romoin. 

Adoption moy hovo boon 'right' for my doughtor. I connot 

doboto wliothor or not sho hos e good homo, loving fomily. But. 

for mo, it will novor bo right. Adoption as it exists today - ond 

existed then - is inhumoni 

Imogino tho engor whon, yoors lotor, you roolizo whot might 

hovo boon. lmoglno tho frustrotion whon you roalizo tho oitornotivos 

ond rosourcos which woro ovoiloblo, but hlddon from you. 

After seven years of struggling wlth tho poin ond unobio to 

forgot, I returned to tho Now Englond Homo for Littlo Wonderers 

who hod orrengod Llso's adoption. They proved to bo far more 

oympothotic ond undorstonding tiion I hod hopod ond woro willing 

to accept my Relooso of Protoction/Consont to inform. My birthdoughtor's 

fomiiy sccoptod this communlcotion grotofully ond 

hovo said they would support her soarch for me if ond when 

she wonts to. 

Now I must wait for them or for her to como to terms wlth my 

oxistonco, dotermino whet piece I shall fill In their lives end soek 

ma out. This waiting is o now kind of pain." 

PATHOLOGICAL GRIEF 

"Pathological griof moy result from situations in which 

the loss Is not socially deiinod as such. This may occur 

'foliowing an abortion whore the expectation is either that 

the person wlll keop tho ovent a secret or that tho women 

should be greteful that the procedure is complerad. The 

sltuetlon may be lurthor complicated by tho anger toword 

the women ior baing 'careless' and inconveniancing 

others. . 

Slmilor dynamics occur when a woman givos up en lnlant 

for adoption. With both abortion and adoption, there Is a 

task of grieving to be done, but the social support nacess8ry 

tor tho process is often Inodequato." 

-Boston Collogo, BRIDGE MAGAZINE, Foll 1976 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

"I'll Come Back 

for You" 

Sometimes we can see the truth 

only when love is blind 

I 

N ~ I Y 

Adopted jrotn "'TrAnrl TIIL SrARclt For Mlst~o PLUONI" 

ED Cnmr~o% 

Prerident, Tracer1 Coml~any 01 America 

work 1 have tracked down her in an orphanage in Utica, N.Y., 

people of all kin~s-missinf whcrc SIIC signed an adoptionanheirs, 

runaway ~~u~~ands, rugisent 

form. She hag dceply regretted 

losing a11 touch with hcr only child. 

deb'ors' of my ltecently I have bccn trying to help 

have hen 0s surprising as the one ller locale =laudin, but have 

that began with a letter &om a man lxrn find of 

rvhrjm I shall all John Seluirrs.* her, . . . 

!)ear Sir: Muriel Pullcr and I 

wcrc marricd in 1957. FIIII~ years 

carlicr, due ltrinlarily, tn the ckrtlt 

uf hcr first I~usband ~n Kcrrca, my 

wife l~ad found 11ersell uttablt to 

care far thcir eight-ycarulcf girl, 

Claudia, and was forccd to place 

'The ttallas 111 lrlrmli and plaas in 1111, 

srtirle hrvc lrrn da~uiml. 

S uires wcht on in his letter to 

tell 1 ow his wire's final words to 

Claudia, who had started to cry, 

cvcre: "It's only for a little while, 

tny clarlitlg. The11 I'll come back 

Tor you." I-lc clcscrikd Claudia as 

bl1111c1 :tnd bhtc.cyed, a1111 added 

that she l~ael sho\vctl market1 nlusi.

TIIE RWDWS D1CE.W 

ul talent. Periodic repom Tmm the Nrncd up thm pibilitiu One 

orphanage indicated that Claudia's was singing in an Atlanta hotel: a 

abilities me rcmgnizcd and chat saond was with atraveling band in 

she was being given voia losons. Colondo. Ncitha turned out to bc 

But the rcpm had cad &er a the Claudia I was rtcking. 

yar. when Claudii was adopted. The third, a Claudia Blair. was 

Now IZ yars had passed. appearing in a small LQS Angcles 

When I alled Squires I was im- nighdub. I flew to Glifornh and 

p d by the quin sincerity in his wrote her a note saying that I was 

voice. He wid that his wile didn't eking information for a dicnt. 

want to intcrtcrc in Claudia's life would come to the nightdub and 

Shc just wantd to know whaha ask her a few quenions. 

Claudia was all right and if possible The following night. I mchd 

to mcct hcr again. 'It may be a- the club in time for the tint show. 

pensive," Squira said "But I want ?he stage cumins paned to meal 

you to do anything you ha= to do Chudia Blair. She was a sltnder 

to find Claudiz h e watched my girl, vuy pretty, with a plasant 

wife suffa long enough. 1 love ha voia and good NF procnoc The 

and want to help ha." audience liked ha, and so did I. 

It's hard to say no to a man like Whcn she had finished ha songs, 

that. But 1 warned him that it is vcry I went to ha dressing room. She 

difficult for a natural parent to trace was sitting in a chair. knitting, and 

a legally adopted child.No rcputablc did not lmk up as I induced myadoption 

agency will divulge the =IF. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. 

names of the adopting parents or Goldhder:' she wid. "Our managa 

anything el.r about the childi cir- read me your notr I couldn't read it 

cumstan- Even the coun records mywlf. You we I'm blind." 

qarding the adoption arc scaled. I was stunned. "lin sorry," I stam- 

Ncvcrthclas. I went to Utiu and mad. "I didn't know, Miss Blair." 

*iritcd the orphan.&. The authori- "Not many people do. ?he sugc 

ties thcrc. while refusing-quite curuiru arc always drawn before 

rightly-to answer questions. inad- sommne luds me off." 

rmcntly gavc me a clue. "Claudia's :'Can anything be done?" 

nadr arc wcll taken care of." I was "No." she wid. "I11 always be 

told. "In ha. we understand she blind. Now, what do you want?" 

has a camr of ha own." 

By this time I had grave doubts 

This reference to a urn left me that I had round the right girl. 1 told 

wondaing if the girl might not bc her abut my assignment. As she 

singing professionally. .% search of listcncd her hcc hard and 

pcrformcrs-union files for a female cold. "Yq" she said. "I was that 

vocalist. first name Claudia. age child. Whcn 1 was eight yurs old, 

about 21. blond hair. blue qcs. my mother gavc me away-kauw 

"I'LL C0.U.E BA 'CK FOR YOU" 

sine & v d dut I was going 

blind" 

Chudia's bittancu was obviously 

prof~lnd Sk knew nothing of her 

motha's whaclbouy and made it 

dar that she didn't want to. She 

spoke with p t &mion of ha 

doptim ~M~IS, the Blairs, with 

whom she lived in a n d y suburb. 

She flatly jened my suggestion 

that she mat wirh ha mother. 

Whcn I told John Squires of Claudia> 

blindness and bincrnen, hew 

silent for a moment. Then he said, 

"I'm terribly iony. But I'd like you 

to make evcry doon to pernude 

CLudia to change hcr mind" 

That may bc impossible," I said. 

"Is it tmt that your wifi knew 

CLudia was lcsing her sight when 

sh put hcr in tbc orphanagr?" 

Job Squires haitared. Finally, 

he Pi4 "The truth an be mysided. 

Plusc don't give up." 

I told hin~ that I -would lmk up 

Uaudiis adoptive parents and try 

toenh thdr support. That evening. 

whm I was sum Claudia had gone 

to work, I went to the Blain' homc. 

?hey mre clearly warmhuncd 

pplc But when I asked for their 

help, MIX Blair h e quite agitatsd 

and said, "I don't YX why 

Claudia should have anything to do 

with her mother." 

Blair added earnestly. "We want 

you to know hat we have never 

fried to Nrn Claudiu against ha real 

motha. If she seems bitter, iis h- 

wuw of what she rcmcrnkrs when 

she wu lei? at the orphanage.* 

"YOU should have ucn her!" Mrs. 

Blair burst out. "We went to that 

orpbanagc to adopt a mull b&y. 

But there was Claudia, nine yean 

old No fitha, no motha. And she 

was losing ha yaight We had to 

take ha. IVe've neva rrgmtcd it" 

W s me," said Blair. "We 

couldn't love ha more if she wm 

our own daughter." 

mnsm I ~ ~ y ~ e d r l "YOU ~ , 

should know how her own mother 

TI." 

We talked for more dun an hour. 

I pointed out that the binancu 

Claudia Tdt might b m c corrosive 

in h4 lifc \Vouldn't it be bcna to 

cry rn eliminate it? I used dl the 

powas of persuasion I could sunmon. 

Firully, they glurccd at each 

other, and MmBLir nodded slowly. 

"Wcll talk to Chudia &ut it," she 

said. "xlephone ha here tomorrow 

&moon. She will have to give you 

the final answer." 

When I phoned CIaudiu oploded 

almost at oncc"1 was given away 

-abandoncdl" d~ cried 'Whcn I 

mast needed my mother, she deserted 

me, beaux she didn't want 

the burden of a blind child. Do you 

apcct me to forgive that?" 

"You might at lcart hear her side 

of it" 

There was a long silencc Finally, 

she said, 'Vay wrlL To plav my 

adowvc parcnu, whom I dearly 

lave, 1'11 m e with ha. Just one. 

But nothing will ever change the 

way that I fed abut hcr.Nothiig!" 

I telephoned John Squira. He 

said that he and his wife would fly 

to Lor Angcles rtwt night 'I think

THE READER5 DIGEST 

itmi~ht Ixbcttcr if Claudiamct her arc rown up. And no pretty!' 

mother alone at first," he said. "I'll ~fauditl's hands movccl up IICSItake 

two aclioining hotcl rooms and tantly until they touched her mothcall 

ou in the morning." 

cr's. "You.. ." sl~c said. "You mcan, 

TK*~ ncxt afternoon, I could scnse youcanst-" 

Claudia's ncrvousncts and resistance "No," hcr mother answered. "I 

as I guided hcr down the hotcl cor- can't scecithcr. Ilut 1'4 have known 

ridor. At the door to Mrs. Squires' you anywhcrc." 

room, Claudia's hand tightcncd on "Oh." uid Clautlia, suddenly 

my arm. "I don't want to k left wczping. "it only I had known. No 

alonc with her," she uid. "You can wontlcr you tlcvcr came back; no 

lead mc in, I'll say hello, and that wondcr you had to givc mc up! But 

will have to hc enough." 

nobody ever told me." 

I knocked, and we entered the 1 went into the ncxt room. Insidc. 

room. sit tin^ in a largc armchair a tall man was facing the window. 

was a bluc.cycd woman who, except lookin out ovcr the city. He turned 

for the gray in her hair, might al- towar 9; me, and I saw ttrc strain in 

most have kcn Claudia's sister. his face. "It's all right. Mr. Squircr" 

1 could lccl Claudia trembling. 1 said."Evcrything's all right now." 

She said, hintly, "Hello:' 

8, 

So miany years," said Mrs. 

Squires in a liltcring voice. "All the WIIY hadnf Sqtlircs i~~rormcd me 

things I've savcd up to say, and now , of his wife's blindness? "She was 

I can't rcmembcr any of them. Your afraid you mi ht tell." hc said, "and 

voicc still sounds almost the same as shc couldn't P war thc thought that 

it did that night-" 

Clautlia would scc hcr only out of 

"Plcascl" pity." . 

"Come closer." wid Mrs. Squirts. Claudia has remained with thc 

"I want to lmk at you!' Illairs. Rut toclay sltc and her moth- 

I Icd Claudia toward her mother, cr arc ul~itcd in nflcction and uttwho 

s t d trp as we approached. derstanding-nr~dcrstanclinfi of thc 

liolding out her nrms. But she ditl lr~vc that causctl a woman who was 

not try tocnihracc hcr daukhtcr 1s I ltlsing her own sight to givc up a 

had expcctctl her to do. Instead, hcr child bcpinnin~ to show signs of thc 

Imnds touched Claudia's shoulclcrr same inhcritcd affliction, a child 

thcn movctl m her kc. exploring it rvho ~vrnrlcl tleetl ml~rc Ircll) and prost~rcly 

and swiftly with scnsitivc tection than a hlirtcl. wirlorvcd rnuth. 

fingcrs. "Oh." the said softly. "you ' er could givc. 

mt~n~n~~ornow 

I M ~ M ~ IPI V ISSU~O: 111011 10111~1 

*lPnfRI RIIDCRS OICIST ASS~lAllO~. l#L, PLt4S4MIV9ll~. # V. IOIIO P1lllltO IN USA

. -, Citholic Chnri ties 'f rauil' 

- - 'a 8 

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By Charles Mount 

end Robcrl Benjamin 

A CIItCUIT COUI\T Iaalfit r~llc,l F~I. 

dny lhnl Cnll~ollc Chnrltlcs usd "lrnud 

nnd durrs.~" lo prs~indc nn,~ Ilnn~nl.rlcd 

norlh suburbnn wonlnn lo plrl llcr 2. 

monlh*ld son up for ndopllon 111 1077. 

Thcrcforc, Judgc lrw111 CO~ICI ruled, 

Linda Po!nh, 30, 01 IJm S. Cl~catcr AV., 

Pa-1-hTdgc, should gel cuslody 01 1& 

monlhnld &n P@ic!lln!~s, IC son 

sho hns not sccii7nr 16 montl~s. 

"The h~l hfolhcr's Dny present I 

collld get." snld hllu Polnlcs, weeping 

~JPPUY wflll her relnllves nrnund her. 

Her JOY was tempered when Cohcn 

RSVC ~lllollc Cllarlllrs' nllorncys 10 

tlnys lo ask nn Appcllnlo Courl to stay 

his order. If lhnl occurs, Scnn mlglll 

. 

remain wllh tho foslcr pnrcnls who hnre 

had him for lhc Ins1 IS molllhs ond \vllo 

won1 lo adopt hlm. 

IP NO STAY 01 hl: ordcr I4 olalncgi, 

Cohen -Id, Sean Is lo bc brou~ht 10 ),I, 

courlrwm on hlny 24 nnd givcn 10 his 

mother. 

~1~ Polnl~, n lormcr ndmlnlslrnllvc 

mmlarg or n pharmnccutlcnl firm, wpr 

MI married lo tho hhyk lnlber, a 35 

YCmld mnrrled man kho she 

lives In Cnlllornlo. She sold thnl 

month t f t tho ~ blrlh 01 Senn, thc Inlllcr 

bgin harasing hcr, m shc plnced Scnn . 

In the cue Of Cnlholic Charllla whlld,., 

got legal. help to. terminate illo . 

man's partnlnl rlghu. 

On Dee. 14, Ion, sha slgncd n ycslu 

PnW. a condltlonol surrender cf the 

chlfd for adoptJon. Ilowcvcr, sho snld, 

she Ifas told she had I\IV nlorc days (6 

Fakc the haby olllclally ndoplnlllc. she 

nld she then told n Call~olic Chnrllics 

CnnllnllcJ On pago '' cnl' ' Llndo Polal~s disPla~s 

IIhnt,lshnlo br Arlhus WI~I 

a Pllolo of her son. Scan Patrick, ltlal was loken shdrlly nflcr'his birlh in 1977, 

.. . .- - . . 

I 

WL'ES-T~ 

- .- 

NN/)AL$ 

CL;s-fuay - np 

Pp4< T,cE.s 

I 

t 

Co:.en mlcd, OT~~,, m~ellflor lo( ~rnnl cmotlonnlly when Col-cn rend tho "frnlld 

Conllnutd Irnm 11pdOn* 

nns oblnlned lly frnld and duress," by and I-~S" porunn of his ruling. hfiss 

counsc~or she v'n111cj her baby cnl..,,llc ~llnrlllcr. tbr wcltnrc nrm nl Polnlcs gospcd, cmbrncd prlcsl~ und 

. . 

bnck. 8 t!,c noinon Cnllrollc Archdloccsc 01 Chi. wept. 

on ~ccj 20, 1077. sbc sold. sllc was cng~. 

,~SI~IC I:C co~irtruwn, shc snl~l ~lle 

told lllnl (IIC ngcncy ltnd conlnctcd an llc snld Calhollc Cherltlca mnlnlnl~led anntcd In scc Scan " n~ so011 ns posslblc. 

nll,,pll$c Innilly rind ,lid IIO~ wnnl lo "?llcncc' nboul I!le cr~msclln: 01 hllss I hnvc 111s oa11 room nll llacd op. Il tvlll 

~,llsnppol~~lW 

lhnt lnmlly by lnklng Senn Polclcs; nd~nlllcd dcr'royln~ llcr cnsc . he tho bcst hlolhcr's 1)ny prcscnt I 

hnck. she sjlll Cntl~olb Chnrlllc? nlfl records; nllowcd her 10 rco SEnn only c3uld ~cl!' 

' 

:clnli illcd told her "a mlslnkc" hnd twice dsrlng lhc slx weeks 1l hod cusfo. bliss Pnlnlcs, who llves tvilh hcr pnrhcen 

tnnZc nnd sllc lvns 11 gel Scnn dy of thc c'lllc'; gnvr Icgnl ndrlce . cnls, so\,\ RI~C gnvc up n ~ccrclnrial lob 

lIack, $at counselor Ann Abrnms flnnlly hllss Polnlca, wl~lcll only 1 nltorncY to work nlchla ns n rcslnllrnllt lloslcss 

11cr ll~nl lllo ndopllnn wollld bc linnl cnn rln; nn~l Icl LI:c lnllscr Sl~n on UlcRnl so sllc ~~mlld npcnd ~lnys lryln~ lo l!cl 

nnd thnl sl:c hnd no rlgllh lo Scan. lorm permllllng the ndopllon. SOPI) bnck. Shc snl~l ll~nl 11 nnd wllcn 

Collcn excorlnlcd l:.e ~llnrlly moup for scan Is rcturllcd, s):c will go bilck lo n 

I I I@ 1 'lncg a-0 lolnl cllnrcgard" of 1110 "hcrnasmcnl" .scerc,nrlnl lob. 

. gut Scnn hnck, cIlnrgh4 thnl CnthDlc &liar Polnlcs \rcnl llrrnusll, which *(lcr rccprs, ~nll.ollc Cl~nrlllcs nl. 

, ~l~nrlllcs I5nrl cllnn:cll 111 CnsC rccerrls sflid "slloul~l hnvc nlrrle~l n lruc profcs- lorncys for 

lo nlnkc 11 look 0s tllollfill llnri nl Collcn's or. siqtlnl" tllnl sllc wns orllng undcr du. 

. 

ngrrcd In 

 

.,., %..d...i;. 2. *- 

I

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1 fi 

Mother, baby reunited in court 

By Lillian William1 ON YAY 12, Cohcn ordcrnl fhlf Sean "SllC SUff~\bCIl to ronlrnl her rm,r. 

hrk l,lda. htr la. Falrlck, rho had been placed wllh 0 tlnns." Cltroll said. '.l$ul rhr WOI llpht. 

mnnlh.~~ld gon $v.rt rrunll~d wednts. c~~ple fnr ~dovllan, be rtlurnrd lo hls In1 b*ck lht Irrrs." Corrvll wld I~olrlrs 

dry ln the rhom~~o 01 clrcult court molhcr. Cohtn ruled lhal Call~nllc Chrr. wmld lo conlarl the muplc 11u1 had 

Judrt lrluln Cohm. lllcs had utrd "lrrud and tllrtma du. been tuln: lor Scan Polrlck to llnd ool 

I.lnda I'ol~ln. 30. Inulht bark ltrrr IS rt11" LO ~(rryldt'lht unn'rd molher lo lhl hl# ntlnl, play ind real hrhl~s. 

dt lmk hcr son, Stan hlrlck. In htr a''@ up cr chlld 

Ilou.r!@r, hr ald. Iht Calhollc Charl. 

r . Q Y . Cltrall rld lh11 durlng the 43.d.y 

sold scan llr, r,wsrl~rs lPlt , ,vlh 

"r.markablY C*lm" and hcarln: Ind slnrt Cohrn'r dtdslon, FP lnlonnrllon lor Polrlr,. It m,,talnrd 

dldn't cry once. I0le1 wrl rrrAyln# a n"rrny. In her Sean 

The rrunlon was held one day tarlltr home. 

Palrlck's rncdlrrl lnlurmark~n "nd 

1 

lhan Cohcn drl~lnally had ordered. 

IIlt ol hla bedllmt, nap Ilmer and 1. 

N~holle ch.rl~les 01 C~ICI#O, whlrh n. IIe u"l I Calhollr Chnrlllrs ado Ilm tmds. 

turntd the chlld lo hls mother, rqursa,j : tounalor br0u:hl !he rhlld lo ,coRtn.a 

lht trrly rctlon. the orl,nlu([nn I( dnrnbtrr and lell hlnt ivlth lhr Ndlc. "IIr Gkn polnl lo lllc park and Flay. 

~vonltd In arold holoprephtr0 and ltlc.,,.ShOrtly Iller*ord. Polalrr aid her In1 In the oaodbnx," Carroll -16. '.11c's 

vl inn umtrlr rn Ihc lnlcrill nl tho mdlhtr Irrh.rd: md Pulalrr UW hrr rm 'e Blr.sklnncd, hlond.halrrd by. at18 hr 

c i lld ...,....-..,....~.....-.--.,..--... f01,Ihc llrsl llme In .IO.monthr. .... $dn'l try bll:' 

\ 

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. . ..*. . . . - -. ..'..ji.,I 

-.-."-,., ,- . 

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. . 

JOAN PERSONIUS GnABE 

..smlsl. warn chlld .' 

0. . a

L 

I 

I"/'( r. 

- (?u~cm,F ,;,;ow. ,L$,,L!. 

.___...-..-- - --I_-.- 

". ,. .. . . . 

I . 

.i . 

. , ., . . 

4. I 

' t . , . . .: . . 

:,, Illegitimate #child 

, . 

. 

', . ; :' 

,7. 

--.-.- - -, 

.: 8 

, 

., . , 

,... . : 

. ,, .. ., 

I. ! ,. , . I 

:data denied: .. mom ' :.: 

mR&loe~ce n.1. (vk~, 

I - \ na enough reason a 11~:~lhc , . 

mc nhde lslaM Supremo Courl, contidcnllallty curtain which en. - 

;,' hasmjcded he plea ol snlUlnob ' rclops a F!,mly Court adOPtlon ' 

yoman who gave up her 11- prorrnlln~. .I ' . 

leglllmde daughter tot qdopuon . M,. Andcrson' IcslUled In 

: II ycnm ngo.nnd now wants "10 Family Court thnt she was an 

; 'see whallpof~hlldshc'~ turned unmordcd 17.ycar.old when she 

out lo be." > . hnd hcr daughtcr and "ftI1 really 

! '. mc high, m~ ruled unnnl: yllty tor being pngnant ou! 01. 

., mws~y that mothcn may not sue wedlock." , . 

' for nhode Island rccolds. In an : S ~ sald C "cvcry slnglc wrson" . . 

I ntlcmpl to Rnd naturnl ehlldren objtc(td to her kccplng the baby. 

1 put up for adovHon; . hfm. Anderson sold she soushl : 

, ~ ~ must ~ be kept ~ ihc t Il.ycnr*ld l "lo ~ see what ~ typ? . , , 

,, scald lo nmorc "~lc 

' 

slain 01, , at child she's turned out '0 bc and 

i llle~~~macy~ 

1hewrl sold in an what she looks like and what bet 

:. wflflcn by Justlcc Tbonl- vol~ sounds like ... how acts 

I as F. KcUchcr. . ... and wh I lypc of rel4tlonshb .. 

#he he In lh c home!' ' '. .I. 

' Thccnscwnr bioughl by Chrlsl. . 

I, Inc .hdcmo", n,. ,ow 0, . T ~C Suprcmc Court kid CQ*. , 

I ~ ~ ~ IU, k ~b kgan ~ k n cam.,,;lldcnllalllY ~ , 

"8llou.s adwllve Pa:"; , I : 

; palm in 1977 lo locate fie dough. ' . rmls, having Men a lnt6 , 

. lcrshegavc blah (oi\pfl117,1~61,', lhclr home. 10 nlsc halchlld lrCe . 

f SI. J0seph)sJo$pl(?l In Provie fmm Inlcrfcrcnce Imm nalu. , . 

, dmn. ,ral parenk and ~ill~out any aP ' 

f 

' ; prehcnslon lhat the blrlh 6lalua 

Lasl hlnrch, FamllY Coud lhdr ~ Uir I usn) to harm '. ; 

Chlct JU~RC Fdward 1'. GnllofilY llltnwelves or lhc child. 

ode& records owned lo tho . , 

rhllts court.o&rrrd guardIan so. "ObvtouslY, 'he lcglsln(lve 

c ~ I C 

. hc muld out the adopllvc purpc h a stable en. 

' 

'1' pamnB and sw whether lhcy ob. ' dronment in which the child a n 

jwtd 10 a ds1( tmm ,Mrs. An. ,. grow and dc~clop inlo a hcnl(hy . ' 

. . and producllvc member otmlc. 

demon. ' 

In ovcflurnlng CsUody's dc- ,. ly," the Court sold. I 

,',clal~n, ~ l Suprcmc e Court sold, "We bcllcvc lln' the prl'scno' 

. -A cioble syslcm or ndopllon ' lion ot tho slalulon shltld of . 

-, must be ,,,bind, and potcnllnl conlldcnllnllly not only asslsk In' 

i dL5rupllbn the pdopt~vc ramlly , the rcnllz~llon~llh~s~olbut~l~~ ' . 

unit be n,~fdd at all msl." : bencll(s all 01 Ihc,pafllCs (0 

' 

! me high s~ld a molhcr's. ado lion irlnndc, . ulc 1u6ucca ' 

+ . 

desire lo conlad htrchUd wan not soldl , '. ' 

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/, -;' ). * 

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M-twian_nc M~an 

. , 

a,:. ' 

, C/O Hearst Headl.ine Service 

235 East 45th, New York, NY 10017 

, . 

hould Stay , Buried 

blood or havc lnhcrlted rlchcs. The 

hll muslcal "Annle" caplures lhls 

longlng tat the unknown. thls dulre 

lo nrove lo the natural narcnt lltot the 

baby lbcy lcll hehhd his grown up to 

ber pemn really worth tnowlrrg. 

Such dreams, however. are Unreal. 

Isllc. Even the besf.lnteuUoncd, kind. 

esl adoplcn and their natural arcltts 

can have lltllc in common nnd f llllc to 

my to each olher atwr 60 many Inter. 

venlng yean. 

. Opcnlna the adoptlon files Is not 

(air lo the adopllve parenls. who as. 

sumo tho raponslblllty of carln lor 

. lhcse chlldren ac lhelr own. I inve 

known many couples who hnve 

ndonled chlldren a d tbclr love for 

Ol natural parenb lor lbelr childr 

' But- tho'nsscholonlcal halance 

allalr, even In the tllosl lntellljicnt 

and lovln ol homnns. Thr rnnsl3nt 

shadow of a mystcrlnlls natural ,taren1 

who would eventually he revealed 

, could only compllcale and lnlerlere 

wtlb lhal r~l~tlonshlp. 

. . The hlologlcal parenis and the 

adopllve parclllr bare a rl 111 to prl. 

vacy WIIIC~ trbnsccnds the fnlerrst 0l - 

the ndoplce In kno\rlng more aboul 

hk orla1n.p. Ft~rlhcrn~ore, onenlnc the 

putayean laler. 

I1 Is In the nallo~lnl lnlcrnl lo on. 

courage ndopllon, pnrllculnrl) slncc 

the Carter admlnlstrallon and Con. 

resa lnslsl thal Medlcald funds 

&ould not nay for abortlono lor rroar

-m - 

"I Flrmly Belleve from What I Have Seen That Thls (the Reclwood Empire) Is tlie Chosen Spot of All tlle L1ttl1.1~ F,lr as Nature Is Concerned:'- Llrll~er Burbank 

The birth mother 

Coming to terms with the ;eality 

of placing a child for adopt6n 

n* cm- ci ar m.~.d~, rh~rh 

NdatM .IIW In.r.1 hrvn nlh 

~rthhldsl. wag ~~ll.lnnlnd. "I 

rms m.Ung myull tt.8). InUnl 

bmd .&I rh.tl.d wbc~ w. 

rdwlna habr lor adoalom 18 .en 

Rb bL.wn 1 and 0 p.m.. or 1h.y 

ma? wtllm lu 1m.r * I'.O. nu. nl. 

Ll0"I. 1110 OYm 

11'. na.1 01 wh.1 lh. r.11. h.r 

~ 

.'m.ali ihn.nra. .r.l II rill "11 

lob 1he.l. lor a mmeler'm dr#rr.. 

UI sh. hnul lo laha 11 1mnh~r mnd

~~.~ 

h r . she had brr o m mdlsm* " 

H.rNmo.rd lo son LUU Obll 

po. ton1.rl.d the lornl mdo~lloo 

nrvncr. .t.yrd wllb lrl*nds. *ad 

..ltrd OUI bar prtm~arr p)1..1*lI. 

"7%. om.mry nsbd ma lo 8l.r out 

st .I.LI. as lb. mdonttna on1enlo m. 1-1 .." 

Id." 

M.CIU wsrlw brr an lhe* 

I,, when .H d&ddtocnm* mlnl 

Lh. rb..l .rd ID mbllc 8, bUth 

Thl. tlmm ,be lshd a bnsk the 

Nln m d 4th ibe hrl al I nun* 

t- .rd tb. Jbrr dwlor. 

sb. rms Umtd to hdd het bb 

w my tub0 u d rbu~ I r.X 

tbm and 1 h e r I1 -*.Id br Dl 

d v rb- lo bold my baby. 

-1 r.drd (o bow bm I1 would 

. 

~ SI L ud ih. .a.str l rmnW a 

walk e.1 at lb. 8srpltll .Ilh mr 

bnk t. mr vlar I dm w.mrd lo 

.how .venaa. art* l dldll'l Ie.1 

Support Group For 

Birthparents Offered 

I~~MNI.URIH~Y hrmUrtlm~blLIt?a~ 

Banam . S1.1. -. -. 

Cal,. -.. . u e e ~ ( c ~ 

- 

~ d u l e mludenl Xar~l anNl&I ud csm. i d &u. 

hri .-. 

d -. amurn .- . n4.m. -. t)r -- derel~mnnL .br mn 

problmuudneed~dmdoaum 

-- 

ller obtrrvltloru comer pumIt~ood I I r&mlbli 

prNy hm tlm )Imd cp nlher h I& pulm, .0mm mmldrrin( 

urlmr 

Uu . dlfknlt . -. drclda .-. . lo . ahn .-.. 

her w~lloradopum 

a- ddm. ~CcKar morroMdlar sir. m uwnpr -1 

u 

ona'l bur rmnuL funlllrl IUJ 

and mcW ilurmn" dm u ~SPUIUW 

-I p&uoul,rclLtlrambam urn 

e dm. 

7% 

dm' ehlldrm la adoptla 

8Wl Wdls Inmrmcd~.~.aom &rill hat.? m mupp%l 

lklr nam h m l d for ~ ~ 

mlh ibr 

me h rmnrncd om ibr mboul lhdf chOdr lra(b lad lMl d compllln WmUm 

~hra~hunorufuanmtl 

"2bi met' of a&~ntsly rllhl6eidop~mprwksbh 

rho lPnndn eMldna la U8Wlonm'm mwra md W c d h I Wet fa 

Ilml(~llonm rlaltdlnl admum elam rmmnd 

eCocatorr,~lheiaplrl~ mad 

phaq 

LnuDonUble mci mmaml~ chlldM lor mdccUoo. The 

Aa 8lmuger Mmmemde .u~ed.")Almr W. Wr( rill p&i oat lbe 

"!I h LmmrUm (c uh d wedl o! tedr bh 

- 

&un dcrrund lhl ihr loac tbprrcnu with recorn, 

ml I:SS she ru lmdm~b. NP uredudnih&w~A mmdsuw for lnd~iidurl ad 

Urpumw 8lUUI lum pmntr d CurIW, buMI 

ph@ ibr cPUd u wrll 

(hnv~. dm 

brmm lolntnl ~ Q P 

mrmondb&nanorm rillkuturrddWm 

d Ume vDlsd It h l y in lm la m "fresh OdmWt?, mhm #&la. 

N rn mom dm& ad mlarl." hopln# la LPve ibr A atand lmvp rill Include 

Uu sdopuoa agmc). mcnm Woitlng To Hear 

hcuuche d no e&pUm Myme m c d nllh lht 

dull 4th mnpop~drd tm khlnd. SN &rd btM edopUa, pmr~, Wudln~ 

WL "I Und In e d rupo~ulbla luchlq polluonl adopled prrroru. 8dopllve 

commmlly and lbry m- slSCYdrub hr paranla blrlhpnrentr. hlsrylhlaenc Lc hopkg U, hew lrom women 

roun:rd rm lo "Ma o u m nucb lor n m% Urn hiand cducnon. who have surrendered children for sdoptlon to 

lhr prorptcllve mdopllre In u s ~ mel&d, 1 in ibr i?4& Imps m ine d take art In* lhrecmonth projecl to coinpile a 

purnuroddn'lbmrbLh prlrholowd~mlalhl dIWe ud rill mrcl lhraUh bookl)el on Ule rpcclal needs 01 femole blr 

moUw . ~ 

ru:' -~ allerr rh #in "cnckrd mLI-Dmmbtr. 

Ulparenu. The once-a.werk gou meelinp 

Allhoo:h the myths uy"- 

Inlarested ptrrona cmn 

rurroundln( pmrrnU rho 'Thmybibrnp Inlllrcd 

will be free and conlldenUallt). rr& be main 

wuci Myl muse el MJ. 

I up'' chlldrtn lor I hid lust mi odmy p a 2175 of LhraW UK hnom talned. She can k conlacled at M52175 bel 

~dapllon are cb~nllnl mr 11ufJcd my Idluu mrej. I Slate Collr#e (rrdumlr wen 6 and 9 p.m. tArgwZourlcr pholol 

eeunlonr balrern mdoplrem hd muunl UwtUtdr a m PI~~W FtonUn. 

md Urll MIihpumu b m t Uu JlUdrrn I'd @rm up la 

mott common, bLUlpurnu adopUm md I ddn'l ahmn 

rllll rullrr ~'lnvlrmbllll~," lhue Inlh(r!' 

M~me contends. 

RuUnl lhe bEt d NpW 

yK llw UY1 lnuurlry nvaUblr lor nnunn in hu 

remrch mupporu lhe mh prmUm. Mme dddcd b 

lmUm I411 lurvlu who hrr ratarch lhr rpdll p b l a 

phnd cNldnn la mdopUm 01 rmnrn rim brl

Community 

Nancy Fnlllng, Edllor

............. L , ., .......................... 

..... 

' ny nu+ 

ono\\u 

, 

' titlo ot lhls rtory Is, "Who( If 

iay. .." 

. . , . 

\ [. ' mom?nl ot her Ute and rc 

. 4 7 11reI1~d It every momcnt ' 

a sincc, would ray, "wlrat If : 

* 

r:,> 

-< 

' \ 

.I. . 

! I( .Ga,tetl?,.-' 

-18 1 . "Will yuu be caUlnc IrcrT" 

1% day canro J lcw dsjx ago. 

I 

"4 

.$*day lr~ppnned bccnuso of o riory,ln 

"I don't know." &)lo answercd. 

; A (OW hour^ lator UIO daughldr dccldcd, 

A rclv rtlorc l~oura nnd D rnnlhcr WM on 0 

1 

.\- 

+. re and cave up 2.0 yean KO. 

'I' s' ,Wv 01 hrr srnrch and her IondDg np. Two molhcn and lhelr daufihlcr r0llV~d lhe 

#I In ifesr. Jan Zllhc day ol her : ' ld5~iagScnn. 

I. ,uSr's?Off1 blrthdny. , ~ I molhor C who was a' slrongcr lold Ole 

- nalhcr who had ndopled tho Lnthnt daughtar what shn had ached to tell (or to 

:I. hew the nuno and knew that soma- 

'

- 

TIIE WASHINGTON POST ' L 8/14/78 ' 

Dear Ann La~rrlrrs: 

tlrcsncd In the closel lor I4 ycnrr: 

;. much raps around lhcne. day0 - 

N.P.T. 

; air N.P.T.: 

1 nlnnd by my nnswer nnd I'd Ilk@ lo 

ntIl~Jcct In cockeyed. 

benulllul. ehlldrcn. 

Drnr Ann i,nnd@rn: 

wcro auddcnly conlmnlcd allh i chlld 

nnd they both left.--Sprlngllcld, Mass. . 

t ' o !no, net6 xnt.mt(aw . 

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463

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K.C. ,STAR May 14, 

~ontactwith ~atvral 1 

Vital for Children in Foster c ~ & I 

Dy Nndlne Broznn "I hnve seen 'lnrlnnces w cn the 

Ut*YWkllrm NmSeNlc~ child 

N EW 

- In ~. tarn ... . anart .,~... 

bv -, n - vlrl3 Same 

~ 

YO~K--on the surface nalural pnrcnlr reallre that the chlld 

lhey hardly snm lo be model mn develop s slrong emoUonal at. 

pnrenll, lhosc people who en. tnc~menl lo IIrc loslcr anrcnll. Solhev 

lnul Ilrclr chlldrcn lo loalcr cnre. 

Thcy rnny be lncnpnble d co lng wllh 

rcspanslblllly; lhcy mny be p!yslcnlly 

dlsnbled or menlnlly dlslurbedr they 

mny bc alcoholics or drug nddlcll. Welfare, followed for flve ycnrs 821 

SIIU, the nuUrors 01 a conrprclrcn?;l~~e Ncw York Clly chlldrcn who cnlcrcd 

new book cnUUed "Chlldrcn In Foslcr 

Cnrcr A Lon tudlnnl lnrcsllgnllon" 

conlerrd lhal l f c llcs belvnn nnlurnl 

pnrcnl nnd a chBd In n fosler h3mc 

must bc rcserrcd lor the chUd's own 

henlllry $velopmenl: 

"l'vc rnnde n mlsslon of lh; Inrpor. 

lnncc 01 nnlurnl parents." snld Dr,Dq: 

vld Fnn.hel, rofcssor and dlrcclor of 

thEThUiIWc!fare ncsenrch Progrnm 

nl lhc Columbla Unlverslty Scl~wl 01 

Soclnl Work and conulhor 01 lhe book 

IColumWa Unlversfly Prcss; $25). 

"For chlldren lo know thnl lhclr pnr 

enb plncc so llllle vnlue in lhem lhnl 

lhcy don'l lnqulrc at all b the mosl 

profound I~ull. 

"llnvlng conlnct wllh' one'c oun 

mlxcd.up, Ilnwcd nrenll la lmyor- 

Inn!." he conllnuc8 during an lnlervlcw 

in hb cnmpw oflln. 'S'hnlevcr 

Ihc chlld can conjvre uplnfnnlnsvcnn 

bc fnr moredreadful then the rr~llly. I 

rcmcnrbcr nn 1l.yenrald girl whosnld 

her mollrcr was alwnys drunk whcn 

she vbllcd and scmellmes acld rUly. 

bul lhc daughlcr always !ell beller. 

She slUl had nllccUon lor her mother 

nnd fell more lLke ollrcr chlldrcn." 

Dr. Eugene B. Shlng, the conulhor 

nnd7L'lncUllymcmbi?r at Ihe Hunter 

CollcgcSchool6lSocld Work.snld In a 

lelc hone lnlervlcwr "There b more 

cvf&rrn lhnl vlslll are bcneflclrl than 

lhnl Ore nre dclrlmenlnl. Dul vblla. 

tion osJt to tx backed up by a soc~ 

worker who has lhc tlme and au port 

of ngcncy pollcles to work wli the 

nalural Inmlly. 

foslcr cnre In 1008, and Il explored dozelis 

01 nspecll d llrelr progress and 

-.--.- . .-. 

The professors concluded lhal vlsl. 

lnllon UN slgnlflcnnl In lerms 01 chU. 

drcn's emnllonnl ucll.helnn nnd IIrsl 

those who conllnued lo see ihelr nnlu. 

ral pnrenb showed measurnbly peal. 

cr gnlm In ICJ scores nnd did better in 

many Iesll of ndJwlmenl nnd bchav. 

lor than Lhclr unvlslled peers. 

Vbllatlont also proved lo be a rcllable 

predlctor 01 the chlld's chances lor re. 

turnlng la hls oun home. The enrller 

nnd the more fre uenUy the pnrenlr 

vlslled. Ihc brlghqcr were lhe pros. 

pecll lor rmnncnl rcunlon. 

~ccordrp, to the nulhnrs 01 the 

sludy. the government and soclal 

ngcnclcs are lnillng lo provlde rulll. 

clcnl help lo nntural arcnu nnd the 

public too oflcn pcrccLs lhcm as vU. 

nins who lcar lhelr chlldren away 

Irorn lovin envlronnrenll. 

"~nlursfporenb may be nmongthc 

mosl dbnblcd people you can find, but 

we don'l mnke slrorl shrifl of them." 

Dr. Fnnshcl snld. "Thcy do more In 

tnklng clrUdren oul 01 the losler care 

s).slcm lhnn nnybody else, and lhey do 

I1 lasler. 

"01 every seven chUdrcn who lcnve 

fosler cnre in New York, five go back 

lo lhelroun pnrenllorrelnUvu, one Is 

odoplcd and one hdlschargcd becnure 

he has rcnchcd the ageof 18. 

"So natural pnrcnll are the mosl 

Ilkely resource. Thcy need support bul 

we give It very sUnglly. It is enslcr Lo 

- 

I 

spend money lo kcc chlldren In foster 

care lhnn lo oblnk money for the 

whole IamUy." . 

h Dr. Fnmhel sees It. Iosler cnre h 

undcrgolng Ill second major rcrolu. 

Uon lnlhreedccndcr. 

"The llrsl occurred durlng the leKn 

when It was decided lhnl con cgnle 

inslllullons caused decllnes K' chU. 

drm's IQ's and lhnl chlldrcn wlroflvcd 

in lhcm were unnble to lorm nlfecllon. 

al bonds or bccnmc mcntnlly UI or dcllnquent." 

he mld. "Nler IVorld Wu 

11 a slew of congrcgnle lnclllllcs w m 

closed. 

"Thc cwcnl rcvolullon denls wtlh 

the longlermslalwol chlldrrnlnfost. 

er cnre. \Ye no Ion er consldcr It a- 

ceplable for mosl ct~dren lo grow up 

In fosler cnre even nssumlng lhnl lhc 

care Is good. No msller how ood It b. 

Ihc fosler chlld may alwa she i4lh 

unccitdnty, with the ~dEng that 'I 

cnn be mcvcd. These~plcdon'l hnve 

a commltmcnl lo me. " 

One slgnnl of the change is the &row 

Ing lrend toward legal ndopllon by 

fo.%ter parcnb of the chlldrcn plnced 

uilh them, nllhough 11 Is emphnslzcd 

lhnl losler pnrenb ought no1 be delud. 

ed lnlo lhlnklng lhnl such ndopllon h 

mullneor easy., 

"In the lasl enr 826 chlldren were 

adopled here, 1Lce.lnurlhs 01 lhosc bv 

I011cr nrenb," Dr. FnnshcI said. 

"Mosl Porter nrenb rho do so lake 

the roule of su&ldlrcd ndopllon." 

Anolhcr lndlcalorof the rcvolullon (r 

Ihe use In thls slnle of the Clrlld Wcl. 

Inre Inlormallon Services. n corn u 

lcrlred syslcm 01 kecplng lrnck of ch: 

dreninloslcrcnre. ' , . 

.~.-........ ~ 

one got lhclr ncl logciher Is dchuman- 

Iring." 

I

I - 

f 

[,' .:', . . ! . : ,:; ',, ... . . 

TO thd'editor:;$;>'.!.- ;...'; ..' :;:.,a' . viabl~:~~lan . for n , 

$ I f?c1 groally .compelled . pregnancy which cannot, 

j lo .,respond , 13;. your .: culminate. .in parenting. . 

: odilodal, UAbortlon: Tho ;L Without such ,. a plan,':. 

Nallon,Thinks Again? and ,~,alnrmlng'numbcrs.o~ wo- ; 

speelflcally to Tho Most '' 1. men '(will, be . lorccd Li, :' 

Rev. Gondmn's :comment,. . return lo bloody back alloy : 

\.that hkrtlon "Is 'i, tragic: .:, butcher .shopq if legalhcd : 

:witnkss:'of .ourb unwilling- ':% abortlon bocomos unavail. : 

i 

nose to; love and faw for. jable. .- ' :;!:.: .':.; 1: ; 

' 

others:; 

i' . ,.r ...;, ;A' 

Therd .arb'. those who ' 

.. Whst' . Bishop' ;' ~e"droh: '' bHtholy. arguo on : bumper : 

;hays is tiue but;lt:& .hot ;!;.,stickers .'and ,'elsewhoro.; 

i*aLyMon hhich &ivos:evii.'.l that: 'idoption I$'$ qs .! 

. . 

rdenci o1"our noncarlngi,:;, instkor. It is nqt.~ol As *; 

(rather, it Is; that" our .,. pwsident of' a nationh~ i 

. +oly har never .created ,:. aupport group for nten and 'i 

$ .. , , ,,,. . " ., . . i 

$.?L ' .. . ;:. , , + : ; . : ' '. . . ' ! 

;hundred .%\' nn4 ' forty- six"."^' I am porsandly thanktul'j 

~!persona~::&ere beraened.;,.,: fur such a hard working : 

!hat day and many were_ . sorvlce organization as the ' 

i made ;aware of potential . Keene Lions Clyb. W11s 

problems thit .they other- . - group of 150 mon niakes it : 

wise ' would.. not ,'have! .... ensy lo be president 01 the 

,. 

f 

.. 

known about. These4peo- . , dub. I thank them ,, for 

ple will be rolerred.: lo : their - dedfcallon, and I , 

their personal physicians . think: you ,' for your : 

further dlaghosis."-:;' . , : suppott; of'.-,the-; Keene:) 

, . 

We. are. thankful. for the. :. Linnd Club. ::.: 

gonemsity of the medical :.' 2:.I .: ;:-..!.'. 7: I :: . I! 

. . In tho . Kecne, !( ,,.':?,(' 

Mfehacl 5. Huaaey :! 

or without s those,. ..; if .*::-C:. ';: president '. 

. ..~ 

. ... 

pqople; :,tho..h~dth." .i::.;. . !:i Keono Lions Club 

bscG\n~ng wou~d .. not . :.;'; hive. .-';. .?J.,. 

.a. 00 . ~ kenwa~d . . Avonua ,., 

beina'succeaa,:,, 

.' . ..:,;/< , ,...,, ... 

- ;+, ;,. .. 

Keene, N.H. 

I:,% 

.,. : ':. f .. '* .. 

, I. 

. . ,. :.. . : , . 

I . 

, 

. . .-,

VOLUME B / NUMBER 6

ell tliot. But, I don't think it should hurt o 30 yonr old woman to 

know thet someone elso lovos her ond hos olwoys corod deeply 

for her." 

* * * . . 

SOCIETY'S PERCEPTION 

"Tltis perception 01 the birthmotlror 0s merely an 'incubator'and 

tlro birtlrfotltor as merely a 'stud' coldly dorrlos 

their human feelings. Moreover, tliis relegates thom to 

baby moclrinos boloro odoptivo parents who sometimes 

absorb this impression lor a liletime, reinlorcing tlto 

'robot' myth within birthporcnts. Thus . . . leelings of 

wortlilessness and guilt can remain within the core 01 

their beings lor e liletime . . . 

- CUB lnformetlonol Brochure 

SANDRA, 39, WAS 23 AT THE TIME OF HER DAUGHTER'S 

BIRTH IN DECEMBER; 1860. SHE SURRENDERED ONE WEEK 

LATER. 

"My rooction to the pregnancy was penlc. I hod my first 

teochlng job ofter greduatlon from college. In those doys, If onyon0 

hod known my coroer would have been rulnod. I felt guilt, olso. 

I was brought up to believo thot sex boforo morrioge wos wrong. 

I was confused: what should I do, go, otc. . . . There wos also a 

big why, It was the first time I had sex. 

My perents were supportive but they didn't wont anyone in 

town to know becouso thoy felt It would be a disgrace to them 

omong thelr friends end church. I wos en only chlld, too. 

No one else, except the birthfathor, know. He soid he wontod 

to merry mo but kept stalling bocouso he wos montolly mlxod up 

end he couldn't bring himself to go through with it. He celled 

weekly and told me I was wrong to think of giving our child ewoy 

but he nover could bring himself to merry me, but rather expected 

me to go through with It olone. 

Using tho story thot I wos doing groduato work. 1 moved 60 

miles away to e Florence Crittonton Home. It had a good end bed 

effect on mo. I learned humllity and not to judge othors. But. I 

also wont along with overyone in the 'know', becouso I was so 

confused and wonted help. 

My prlveto ogency, tho Mothodlst Children's Village in Mlchlgan, 

hado very understonding social worker. Everyone, oxcopt the

- 

. . 

. . 

.. 

, 

. 

.. . 

. .... , 

. . , 

. . 

.. . 

. , 

. , 

. . ;. 

. . 

'. , 

. . 

. . 

IER 5

irthfothor, folt thot giving tho cliild up would bo bost for hor ond 

thot I must think of hor first. I hod no woy to support us onywny 

os I couldn't teach with on illogitimoto child- no ono would 

hire me. 

I wontod to koop my child but know socioty os it wos thon 

mod0 it best to givo hor up ond so I went olong with whot ovoryono 

soomod to think wos right. My cosoworkor sold I siiouidn't 

soo her or hold hor or got hor picturo- it wouldn't bo 'bost'. I 

folt it wos wrong thon, and still do1 I did soo hor as much as 

posslblo, but wosn't ollowod to hold hor or toko hor picturo. I 

wish I could hovo hold her: it wouldn't hovo mod0 it worso. 

I wont through tho court proceedings in a doze. I know 

whot I wos doing but it soomod I wos two pooplo: one watching 

tho proceedings as a bystander, boing vory 'moturo' obout the 

whole thing. Tho day oftor I signed tho surrendor popors I broke 

down ond criod and criod and couldn't ooom to stop for hours. 

Tho caseworker sold I could write to toll Joimo obout mo, her 

dad, tho circumstances surrounding her surrsndor, and how I loel 

towards her. I did write whon sho was three yoors old. agoin whon 

she wos five, and thon at ton yoors old. Tho lost iottor como bock. 

unsosisd, with tho notice tilot I could no iongor do this for my 

social workcr hod retired, and it wos ogoinst their rules. They 

reminded mo that tho records woro sealed in Michigan, and she 

would never so0 it anyway. 

Since Joimo's ourrendor, I hovo given birth to two booutiful 

childron ond odoptod -perhaps to fill that orieinoi void - s sovon 

yoor old boy from Thaiiond. I hovo o full li!e but I know whot is 

mssnt by tho stotomsnt obout birthparents having o 'senso of 

psychologicsl omputotlon'." 

. . r . . 

BIRTHPARENTS' FEELINGS 

"Further, in truth, a birthparent's feelings are not automatically 

obliterated upon atfixing a signature to a contract; 

however much society has been led to believe rhnt. 

Many, perhaps most, endure another pain: 4 'lilelong 

sense of psycl~ological amputation', wondering it their 

birthchild is well and happy. Or even olive1 This unique 

pain defies doscription." 

-CUB lnformotionol Brochuro 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

VOLUME Q/ NUMBER 6

"Natural parents who voluntorlly relinqulsh chlldren 

should hove accoss to Inlormarlon on the status and 

whereabouts ol their chlldran." 

- Browndolo's brlof to tho Commlttoe on Record Dlsclosure 

to Adoptoes, Ministry of Community end 

Social Servicos. Provinco of Ontario, Conodo. Published 

in FAMILY INVOLVEMENT, Vol. 9/Number 2, 

1977. 

FILES ARE A REVELATION 

"Baing privy to what ha:; been written about ma, as 

guaranteed under the Freedom of lntormatlon Act, has 

proved to be revealing. in a latter from my adoption 

worker to the worker at the Florence Crittenton Hestings 

House In Brighton, Mess., the former admitted: "It was 

touch and go for o while as to whether she would release 

him and finally she decided to do so." Yet, In her oliiclal 

records filed with the probate court, the adoption worker 

steted flatly, "Lee hed no maternal feelings lor the clilld 

and felt that keeping him would not be In tune with her 

lllestyla." In enother letter to the Home, this same odoptlon 

worker discussed the compl~tlon ot my finonclal 

arrangements and concluded her letter thusly: "On the 

lighter slde, the baby Is lovely and should be excellent 

metoriel tor adoption." 

- Lee Campbell, CUB President 

LEE, 32, BECAME PREGNANT AT 17, DELIVERING A SON IN 

DECEMBER, 1962. AND SURRENDERING SHORTLY AFTER HER 

18th BIRTHDAY W O OR SO MONTHS LATER. LEE IS CUB 

PRESIDENT. 

"It seems strange but I was happy about being prognont. I 

hod gone with tho birthfather since tho eighth grade ond wo hod 

recently been rounitod after o short time of soporetion. Simply 

put, I loved T, very much ond felt thot our child was on extension, 

' I 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

VOLUME B/NUMBER 5

on offlrma*ion, of this iovo. Tho birthfothor wos scorod to death, 

howovor, ond could not projoct the prognoncy to its finol culminotion 

in tho form of o now humon boing. Knowing his rnothor would 

never permit our marriogo, we did moko vague plons to elope to o 

soutliorn stoto which pormittod young morriogos without porontol 

consont. 

Agoinst T's wishes, I informed my poronts of tho prognoncy, 

nooding thoir support ond holp. I oxpoctod their support of morrioge 

for they wore very fond of T, who was liko o member of the 

family. Instead, thoy put odditionol prossuro on T. ond inslstod 

ho toll his poronts - sometliing ho prodictod would moon disostor. 

It was. A phono coll shortly thoreoftor brought the stunning nows 

tiiot T, had denied poternity ond I was thon forcod - out of anger. 

revenge, love/hoto, end procticol financial need - to file o paternity 

suit ogolnst him. Our peers choso sidos, and I was quit0 

tho losor. Thoso circumstoncos stripped mo of my usuol buoyancy. 

resiliency, and strongth. 

1 hod to moko o quick decision on adoption in order to dotormine 

the court settlement. I was then told by my porents that, 

though thoy loved me, they had to protect my four younger 

siblings from the stigma of my unwed pregnency, and thus they 

could not offer any support for kooping the child. Uttorly booten, 

I ogreod to surrender my baby. 

It was on interminable pregnancy in which I tried to gother o 

remote, detochod ottitudo obout the child who swollod my body 

end moved in wovos within me, sticking a foot out hore, and 

thrusting on arm out there. It took obout oil tho day-to-day resources 

I could mustor ond left littio rosorve for tho strength to 

combat the rush of overwhelming love which followed his oarly 

birth. Ho, boing noor'lncubotor weight. was allowod to be with mo 

for almost continual feodings. I have nevor forgotten tho shivors 

of exquisite joy his presence brought me. And, I have only to 

cioso my eyes - fourtoon long, full years lotor - to onvision his 

tiny Indian-rod face topped with o mop of downy black hoir. 

Following my return to my parents' homo, ond his odmission 

to o foster home, I attempted mgst assiduously to regain my 

former dotochod attitude toword Michael, 0s I hod begun coiling 

him in my hoert. though I hod given him onotlior logal nome. I 

did moko o few feoblo ottompts to discuss my feelings of painful 

soporetion with my mother but was robuffod (no one hod beon 

equipped to doal with my feelings). I did olso moko on attompt 

to SOOT, but found him olroody ongegod to onotlior girl. 

My social worker and I bogan o two month gomo of sliding 

tho surrender popors across tho desk to eoch othor. I surnrnonod 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

VOLUME D/NUMBER 6

tho courage to insist to tliis womon who intlmidotod mo ~rootly 

thot I bo ollowod to soo my son in his lostor homo. With her 

ossuroncos thot 1 wos only moking tho inovitoblo moro difficult, I 

did soo him tl~oro twice and took him from tho foster homo to 

car0 for him in tho homos of frionds, olso twico. 

My social workor did not hldo her woning potlonco and sho 

irnpliod thot I wos intcrforlng in my son's propor eorly odoptivo 

plocomont-cloorly, I wos in tho woy. No options wore over 

vonturod. Fooling thot I hod boen pushod in o cornor, with no 

ploco or help ovolioblo. I finolly did "surrondor". 

I hovd doolt with Mlchool's surrondor in o numbor of vastly 

difforont ways. I hovo blotted out ovorything for ton yoors: remomborod 

ond ocknowiodgod: chonnoliod my concorn for him by having 

tho edoption ogoncy notify tho odoptivo parents of my wiillngness 

to provide informotion: end I hovo boon active in adopt00 groups 

as woll es founding CUB. Duo to tho ogoncy's oiovon month bottlo 

with me ovor convoying notlficotion of my Consont to Inform. I 

learned Michool's now identity in order to find onothor, moro 

willing, intormodiery, which lotor proved unnocossory. 

Knowing Michael's ldontlty has boon soothing: but, of course. 

it changes nothing. In the yoor and one-half since learning It, I 

hovo not seen him nor Interfered with the edoptivo rolotionshlp in 

ony woy. I'm not sure thot I rogrot Michool'o adoption (tho ond of 

our story has not yet boon roached), for my lifo hos otherwise 

boon full ond happy with my two othor sons ond husband, ond I 

do not begrudge the hoppinoss Michool hos brought Into his 

odoptivo family. 

If I rogrot anything, it is that I wos doniod options in the 

Surrondor Contract end thot I connot simply know my son for I 

boliovo thot our knowing eoch othor would not horm him or his 

poronts in any woy. And, this ocquointonco could oven bo enriching 

to us all, If only tho poronts hod boon oncourogod to considor 

tho reality of my oxistonco from tho onset of his odoption. I find it 

difficult to justify the lock of emotional rocompenso for whet will 

surely bo tho ultimoto sacrifice of my lifo. Thoso ore, ossentielly, 

my regrets. As I soid, I'm not suro that I rogrot tho basic concopt 

of odoption; it is, rothor, thot I rogrct thot there Is no ploco for 

me within it. 

Now thot the suffering of doing something untried and difforont 

has passed between my agency ond me, .I hove found onemaybe 

two- sociel workors who I con trust. Thls, plus fronkly 

discussing my pain with my fomlly and friends, has disslpoted 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

somo of tho poisoning incurred by the prognoncy experience. I 

intond to now work hord for totol rolief ond hooltli for othor 

birthporonts and myself." 

A NEW DEFINITION FOR ADOPTION 

"Adoption noods a new definition and a now structure. 

The roquiremont to see adoption as the same as a natural 

family should bo abandoned. The guilts of adoptive 

paronts could bo rolioved by the simple process of prosentlng 

adoptlon es a way tlrat all 01 tho parents of the 

child era co-oporating to plan for the future of a child. 

This requires acknowledgomont of the natural mother as 

on interested party - and it is right that she should be 

considered. To re-structure adoption as a form of marriage 

makes the relationship valid, provides the freedom 

to acknowledge true loolings arid enltonces the possibiliries 

for a stronger relationship than dre current adoption 

structure can guarantee. No reelly good relationship is 

built on feelings 01 guilt, exploitation, avoidance of reality 

end deceit." 

- Morgoret Lawrence, in e popar, "lnsido. Looking Out 

-of Adoption" presented in tho APA Symposium in 

Washington, 1976. 

"It is worth noting thot tho need for anonymity in the 

relinquishment of 'illegitimate' children was (and is) 

based, for the most part, on unheoltliy judgmental and 

repressive social mores and attitudes that become (and 

still are) a part of child welfare practice and part of the 

'unmarried' parent's sell-picturo. Child wellare logislatlon 

and practice should not continue to reflect these 

destructive and anacl~ronistic sociol at t It u d e s and 

prejudices." 

- Browndale's Briof to the Committee on Record Disclosure 

to Adoptees, Ministry of Community ond 

Sociol Sorvlcos, Provlnco of Ontario, Cenodo. Published 

in FAMILY INVOLVEMENT, Vol9/Numbor 2, 

1977. 

t!. 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

"Because tlray (birthpnrents) don't have tlte arrogance 

01 prolessional persons sitting in judgment over thom 

end beceuso thay are honest anouglt to admit. 'I'm not 

setislied with mysell, I'd like to be bettor,' and becouse 

they lee1 inadequate end guilty and upset, tlray can be 

manipulated very easily by prolessional people and most 

01 them lreve been." 

-John L. Brown, "Rootodness", FAMILY INVOLVE- 

MENT, Moy-Juno. 1974. 

. . a + . 

MARY ANN, 30, WAS 22 YEARS OLD WHEN SHE GAVE BIRTH 

TO MICHAEL IN APRIL, 1968. SHE SURRENDERED FOURTEEN 

MONTHS LATER. 

"I becomo pregnant when I wos 21; my child's father was tho 

first man I lovod. We were both idoellstic end nsivo, Involved In 

philosophy and ellti-wor causes. His ovorrldlng concern was thot 

he complote his education (ho was then in pre-mod) end that hls 

problems wlth the draft be resolved. 

My first emotion on loernlng I was pregnont wos feor, but It 

wos feor mixed wlth joy bocsuse I hod olweys wonted childron 

end I wos corrylng the child of the men I loved. Unlortunotoly, hls 

pressures worsened; tensions lncressod, communications between 

us become strolnod, end finally broke down snd I couldn't 

bring myself to toil hlm I was pregnant until he told me he wos 

through with rno. Whon I told him I was fivo months pregnant, ho 

sold he would pay my bills, but thot was 011. I was crushed, 

emotionelly destroyod. I had no idea what to do. 

My parents' reoctlon wos shock, enger, ond shome . . . 'whot 

will the neighbors soy . . . this will kill your grandmother, etc.' 

They roectod with the standards end morals of their generation, 

more out of confusion ond fear, than cruelty (in tho intervening 

years, thay hove also suffered). 

In my slxth month, I moved in with married friends of my 

boyfrlond; I slopt on o couch behind o curtein ond helped out 

wlth babysitting snd housowork. My first reaction wos to get 

medicol care. I chose o Cotholic hospital becouse they didn't 

require money in edvence. This wes my first stop towards losing 

my child. I begen ettendlng the ob-gyn clinic. From here, I we3 

reforred to tho psychologlcol clinic becouso I was 'upset' (who 

wouldn't be under those clrcumstoncos7) Whon I asked lor help 

In propsring for my child (I never thought of edoption et this 

point), I was reforred to the N.J. Bureau of Children's Services. I 

didn't know they orronged adoptions. 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

9 VOLUME O/NUMBER 5

All counselling I received pointed to adoption os tho only 

'good' and 'roosonoble' choice for an unwed mother. I wos not 

told one positive thing obout keeping my child, or one nogotivo 

result, either to me or tho child, from giving him up, The only 

option I was offered was to place tho child in foster core. I wos 

never informed of the possibility of receiving welforo or ony other 

flnanciol ossistonco end I was too ignorant to ask. In ell my contocts 

with tho egoncy, I felt lnvislble, dehumanized, e 'non-person' 

who existed only os o collection of statistics and sociological 

cliches, not o unique humon being with dignity, with velld feelings 

and needs. Because I was not 'Mrs.' somebody, my pregnancy 

was viewed as a mistoko to be remedied, end I wos seen, not os a 

mother, but as tho producer of a veluobio product. a white heeitlly 

infant of college-educated parents. I was the means to on end. 

I went Into labor on on eorly April evening when the earth 

wes just beginning to come olive, and for years afterword I ovoidod 

tho worm touch of early spring sun - the memory burned like fire. 

My boyfriend drove me to tho hospitol oround 10:OO p.m. and 

dropped me off, wishing me luck. I spent the night in terror end 

pain, es I had in no way been prepared for labor and delivery. I 

was left alone in a cold room, end I could heor women in labor 

screaming, as I screamed. The hospital personnel were unsympathetic 

and even hostile. I woke up in e ward to find I hod an 

eight pound, one ounce boy. I named him Michael. His small white 

face, a mirror of me snd his father and our families, wos the most 

beautiful sight I have over seen. 

They brought him to me twice to feed. then without warning, 

transferred me to the psychiotrlc ward end forbade me to see my 

child. I later learned that this octlon was planned long before I 

was admitted. When I insisted on seeing my child, one doctor 

threatened to have me transferred to the state monte1 hospital 

'if I made any trouble'. 

After the usuel live deys. Michool went into e foster home. 

When l visited him, I hod to go to the ogency to got him. Tho 

following year was o continuation of a nightmore. I suffered from 

post-partum depression which nobody would attribute to the 

fact that I wos soporetod from my child. I was treated os e happy 

person who suddenly became depressed for some unknown rooson. 

Tho counselling continued in o similar vein with great stress 

on how selfish I wos to deny my son e 'normol' homo and how he 

was becoming less desirable os he got older. It replaced my reel 

feelings with 'You'll forgot, you'll finish college, you'll get merriod, 

you'll have othor children, you'll hove o new iifel' Finally, I govo 

up. I surrendered. 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

Tho ogoncy which hod boon so 'concornad' prior to my surrender, 

novor contacted mo onco thoy hod thot dosirod signoturo 

on thoir dmtod lino. Aftor 1 si~nod tho popors, I started hanging 

oround with pooplo involvod in drinking ond drugs - I fort like it 

wos what I dosorved. I bollovo I would bo deod or inatitutionalizod 

now, if I did not got prognont ogoin ond koop my socond iilogitlmoto 

child. I havo sinco lloord of otlior singlo mothors who had 

similor oxporionces. gotting prognont ogoin soon ofter giving up 

o child. I lovo my socond child vory much but I fool that ills prognoncy 

was o direct rosuit of poor counselling during ond oftor my 

first, end that if I hod boon aided in kooping Michool, I would not 

havo hqd to go througii the whole thing ogain. 

I om now married ond have o third son. My husband knows 

about Michool ond fully supports my present involvement with 

the odoptoo movomont, ond hopes Michool will seok us when he 

is on odult. I have my 'new life' but it doos not oroso tho past; 

it doos not moko up for, or roploce. Michael. There is a void in my 

life, a dark place. in octuolity, thoro is no now life - lifo is o 

continuum: the past, present and futuro are intarrdloted, not 

soporeto pieces. I will novor forget, novor cease to regrot tho loss 

of my first child. And, my greatest dream is to moot Michaol as a 

young man, to hoor him soy 'You ore forgiven'." 

"Unquestionably, in our view the natural parents should 

have access to Inlormation in an ongoing way as to the 

status, i.0. the progress and wolfare of their relinquished 

child as he grows and develops. Also, without question, 

the netural parents' willingness to be available for 

communication and contact as the adopted child or adult 

requests strch contact, should be made known to the 

adopted person and his adoptivo family.". 

- Browndale's Briof to tho Committoo on Rocord Disclosure 

to Adoptees, Ministry of Community ond 

Sociol Services, Ontorlo, Conods. Published in 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENl', Vol. 9/Numbor 2, 1977. 

*CUB introduced legislation (H5200) in tl~e Commonwealth 

of Massachusetts requiring agoncios to incorporate 

this edoption procedure. At this writing, it has 

been approved by the Judiciary Committee. Also. Leo, 

CUB President, and Gail. CUB Secretary, tiova individually 

bean successful in having their agencies do this. 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

VOLUME 9

In en unpublished peper by Sorosky, ot el prosentod nt 

tlte annuel meeting of tho APS in Weshington, D.C. on 

September 4, 1975, tl~ose reseerchers wrote: "When 

asked /I they (bbthperonts) would be interested in a 

reunion with tlte cllild tlloy relinquished, 82 per cent 

seld yes." 

I * . . . 

MARGARET AND NICK, NOW MARRIED AN0 IN THEIR EARLY 

30s, WERE NOT MARRIED WHEN MARGARET BECAME PREG- 

NANT AT AGE 18. THEIR BIRTHSON BORN IN JUNE, 1964 WAS 

SURRENDERED APPROXIMATELY THREE MONTHS LATER. 

"Whon I loarnod I was pregnant, I modo mony mlotnkes. My 

doctor gavo me ontl-nausea pills end tho druggist, o frlond of my 

ount's, told her. I then phonod onothor ount who volunteorod to 

holp me tell my dad. He hlt tho roof end lnslsted I quit my job 

and move bock homo. Instood of feeling his concern, however, I 

foced stonoy silenco ond tho intimidotion of how hurt he was. 

Whon I told Nlck, ho asked mo whet I was going to do. He was 

scared. 

I was brought to the Solvotion Army where on authoritative 

woman told my mother not to help me or oncourogo me in any 

way to koop my boby. I rotortod that I would not stay there. My 

mother suggested thot I leave her homo for she didn't went my 

youngor slstor to bo mode aware of my situation, end that I 

shouldn't return home until oftor I had given the beby away. 

I thon boarded with people for whom I hod proviously worked 

until a month bofore the child's blrth when I moved in with a 

married friend, paid her board, end medo plans on what I'd do 

when the beby came. I knitted boby clothes and sowod, and 

collected things from friends who had things to spare. 

The Hospltol Clinic roforrod mo to Children's Aid in Conodo 

for possible hclp In my preparations for the child. Thore I began 

to hear counselling on adoption ond how selfioss it would bo. 

When my dependont littlo child was born and tho doctor askod 

If ho would bo coming homo with me, I found mysolf telling him 

thot I dldn't know. Wall, thoy took my boby oway and for throe 

days I cried and bogged to so0 him, but no ono would liston to me. 

Whon my sociol worker come to so0 me, sho just insistod I sign 

o lot of popors for clrcumclsion, foster coro. birth registration, but 

sho ignorod my noods rogarding my son. I don't think I will over 

dislike onyono as much as I do her. 

Tho first timo I hold my son ho wos a month old, and I nctuolly 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

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VOLUM 

NUMBER

hod to ask permission for me to pick him up. Sho roolly hod somo 

strongo power over me. I remember whon I wont to the Court to 

sign the surrondor popors, I allowed her to dlssuode me from taking 

fino1 pictures of him and saying goodbye to him. 

I suffored for 11 yoors, wondering every time e boy his age 

got hurt or killed. I knew I hod to find out his edoptod name. Thon 

I sow him and sow for mysolf thet ho woo olive ond well end hoppy. 

I learned also thet he is on only child and this bothers me for his 

fotherond I havo throe other children who ore his complete siblings 

and I feel very strongly thoy tvould bonofit by knowing eoch other." 

..... 

FROM A RESEARCH TEAM 

"Adoption agencies should address themselves to the 

following: A recognition that many birthperents, particularly 

birthmothcrs, have not resolved their feelings about 

relinquishing for adoption a child whom they have b.een 

told they can never see again. Many mey have a life-long 

unfulfilled need for further information and in some cases 

for o contact with the relinquished child . . ." 

- Pennor, Sorosky, Beron, "Oponing the Seoiod Record 

in Adoption-The Human Need for Continuity", 

JOURNAL OF JEWISH COMMUNAL SERVICE, 

Winter 1974, 

. 

Vol. II, 

. 

No. 

. 

2. 

. . 

JANE, 30, AN ADOPTEE, GAVE BIRTH TO A DAUGHTER IN 

OCTOBER, 1966 AND SURRENDERED HER CHILD ONE MONTH 

LATER. 

"Though I didn't ot first, I leter found that I loved being prognont 

but I had snxloties knowing the end rosuit which would bo 

surrender. My parents reocted with totei rejection. My peers were 

very supportive. I never told the fothor. I was confined in a woge 

home under the suspices of the Florence Crlttonton Hastings 

House. 

If I did receive eny counselling st tho Crit, or through tho 

Boston Children's Aid Society, I don't remember it. I doofonod 

mysolf e greet deal. 

I now know whore Heather is and I live with tho hope that we 

will be togethor in eight more years. Moonlvhilo, I find that tho 

pain is still unenduroble if I allow myself to think sbout It often," 

..... 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

PAULA, 27, WAS 19 AT THE TIME OF HER SON'S BIRTH IN 

OCTOBER, 1968. SHE SURRENDERED WITHIN TWO MONTHS. 

"I had only boen out of high school for about six montlis when 

I bocamo pregnont. I hod just begun dating tho birthfotlior who 

had just returned from Vietnam end I guess he hod problems of 

his own to work out for he would wont to marry me on0 minute 

and change hls mind the next. I finally was so frustrated that i 

gave up on him. I was glven abortion information but alter a while 

I decided that my child should be given a chance at life. I did not 

feol any maternal feelings much at the beginnlng of my prognoncy, 

but as time went on, the maternal feelings completely 

took me over. 

My parents found out about my pregnancy by reading a letter 

written to ma by a friend. They refused to lot me stay at home 

since it would be a bad influence on my younger sisters and 

brothers and they were very religious and it would look bod to 

the people they knew. As I had not developed any maternal feelings 

yet. I agroed to go to tho Salvotlon Army Home in Florida 

and release the child for adoption. Later, though my meternal 

feelings had changed my mind about adoption, my parents refused 

to let me return home. 

There were approxlmatoly 30 to 40 other young girls at The 

Home while I was thore for throe months. The care thot the girls 

were glven was very good. I felt st many times though that I wes 

on an assembly line and that I was baing used as a baby machine. 

Even though the pregnancy was very speclel to me, the oflicials 

didn't treat me as a special person . . . to them, it was en everyday 

occurrence. 

While I was thore we were never counselled on our feelings 

about giving up our first born children or offered any alternatives. 

Even though I sold I was going to keep my baby while I was at 

the Home, when the baby finally come, I was hit hard with the 

reelization that I had no way to provide for the child. I hod boen 

living in a droom for several months in order to ovoid loclng reality. 

The Chlldron's Home, Inc. In Florida did not provide much 

counselling. All they did was got background information end 

other facts. There was very little counsoillng regarding the 

mother's feelings. The counsellar was well aware thot I wonted 

to keep my baby but all counselling wos towards adoption and no 

other alternatlvos were talked ebout or oflerod. 

I feel thet I was ,not given a fair chance and even today 

eight years later, I iiavo many bitter feelings towards tho people 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

VOLUME B/NUMBEII ti

esponsible for soporoting mo from my first born son. For tho first 

two yoors after my child wos born, my lifo was fillod with unboorable 

mlsory. I jumped into o bod morrlogo with o man I barely 

know just ono month lotor. I could not boor to bo oround cliildron 

or onyono olso. I lost anothor child through o miscorrlogo. I bogon 

to fool vory suicidal. If I hod not hod my socond son born to mo 22 

months lotor, I would not bo horo today. 

Tho surrondor of my son 110s always boon o polnful momory to 

me. It hos boon o mistoko from tho mlnuto it hopponod. If I could 

yo bock ond do it all ovor, I would dofinitoly koop my child and 

toll thom 011 oxoctly whore to go1 My biggost problom bock thon 

was thot 1 was young and inoxperioncod ond hod trust In overyono. 

I wos oo~lly Influenced by pooplo who I thought woro trying to 

holp me. I did not see through their intontlons until it was too late. 

Thoro Is not o doy that goos by thot I do not think of my birthson. 

1 lovo him and ho is stlll vory much o port of mo. I long vory 

much to just look ot him and I constantly fool his prosonco close 

to me. I fool very suro thot tiioro is o doy coming whon .I con be 

with him ond he con know hls brotlior end I will once again 

feol complete. 

I con approclote tho lovo his odoptlvo poronts hovo for him 

sinco tho birth of my socond son. I hovo no dosiro to hurt thom st 

all but hopo thot whon tho timo comos, thoy will bo klnd onough 

to lot him soorch for me ond holp him." 

GAIL, 26, GAVE BIRTHTO LlSA IN MAY, 1969, WIiEN GAlL WAS 

18 YEARS OF AGE. SHE SURRENDERED LlSA APPROXIMATELY 

ONE WEEK LATER. GAlL IS CUB'S SECRETARY. 

"From oorly odolosconco I wos unoblo to roloto to my fomily. 

I mado myself unlovoblo. and bocomo unlovod - or so It oppoorod. 

I turned olsewhoro for omotionol warmth, opprovnl ond succoss. 

What stortod out as a friendship dovolopod ovor throo yoors into a 

lovo offoir. It was o love as strong ond sincoro os any I will ovor 

feol, but unfortunotoly it was a lovo bosod on socrot romonco ond 

irresponsibility. Ho was twice my ogo, tho fathor of throo childron, 

in tho midst of o troubled marriago. I was o noivo, lonely, romantic 

toonogor who thought love would moko 011 things right. 

Whon I told my poronts about my prognoncy, thoy wore 

shocked and hurt. Thoy wero angry ot tho fothor. Thoy wanted to 

protect me from pain and couldn't ond thoy folt liolploss. Tho only 

FAMILY INVOLVEMEN1

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VOLUME S/ NUMBER 6

frlond who know soomod to know moro thon I of tho poln thot 

would como; thus, sllo couldn't fool my joy os acutoly 0s I did. Tho 

birthfothor folt dlsbollof and ongor. Ho folt cought ond trapped. I 

don't know if he ovor folt rosponsiblo or lovod our boby. 

Othor thon thoso pooplo, I kopt my prognoncy socrot for 

months. I wos happy ond oxcitod loornlng what It meant to cerry 

o child within mo. As long os it was socrot, it could hurt no ono, 

ond I didn't hove to foco the probability of losing my child. 

I told my porentsof tho plans I had modo, my plans for odoptlon 

to protoct my baby's fothor, his wife, ond his throo lnnocont children. 

1 told thom I wontod my boby to hovo o two-parent homo. 

They didn't disagree. That wos tho first time In my life thot I ovor 

sow my mother cry. It has hopponod a lot since then. 

Through tho Florence Crlttonton Hostings House in Massochusotts 

I found o wago home whore I spont tho next throe end 

one-half months bobysitting, cleaning house as I had nevor dono 

before (or ever wlll agoinl) My temporary family was welcoming 

and klnd and holpod make the time pass qulckly and boorobly. 

At tho Crit, I was counselled in a holpful way about my 

unroollstic lovo for a morriod man. But, to tho best of my rocolloctlon, 

there was no counselling in regard to my docision to surrondor 

my child to adoption. No olio talkod about the oftor-effocts of 

giving up o child. No ono offorod any olternotivos. I iotor loarnod 

that my poronts would hovo holpod mo to koop my child, if thot 

hod boon my doclsion, but thoy wore told by the Crit coseworkor 

not to try and advise mo - not to try ond Influonce mo In any woy. 

I also later loarnod that my grondmother wanted dosporotoly to 

take me In permanently - me and my boby - but sho was told 

to stay out of it. Poronts end grandparents hovo lived to regret 

occopting thls odvico of tho profosslonois who told thom thoy hod 

no right to an opinion about tho futuro of their first grondclllld 

end great-grondchild. 

My doughtor was born by Coosoroan Soction about 11:OO a.m. 

I'll novor forgot tho joy I felt whnn I hoord hor first cry and know 

thot she was olive ond heolthy. On tho morning of tho oighth doy, 

I orrongod tho layotto I hod brought for Lisa and gothoring my 

courogo and porsonol belongings, I loft tho hospital. I will novor 

In my lifo hovo to do onything as difficult or os painful os looving 

thot hospltal without Lisa. It took ovary ounco of strongth I hod. 

I signed tho finol relooso popers tho following doy. My parents 

como to got mo ond wo started tho work of forgotting. 

. rC 

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

. .. f -- 

--------C,."'". -3. .. .-. TT, - '1. 

.:.:, . .' - .,. '. . i, ., : 

: El4 ' : BOSTON SUNDAY GLOBE. :~cccmbci 7,' 1078' 

8 CO.NFIDENTIAL CHAT/ 

,., . 

..',! . 

4 . 

' i 

; I G , 

. . 

, 

I ' I 

ji 

Grandfather's 

. . . . , . 'boy,adopted 

;i., 

' 

' !! Chntters - Thla is wrlt- she had nrrangcd to hnve 

boy-s ndoptlve par. 

;"ten mnlnly lo those Chat. hlm adopted. 

I). 

. 

cnls have been very lnir 

something In ' 

We renllred It best kllh' us in thy1 they have 

it - an -Intercs1 !" , lor the little fellow as we allowed thrco or four vlslts 

il adoption. 

; are both pushlng 70 nnd a year which we grcntly np- 

.!?" 1 h ~ve been keeplng n llst would not be In poaltlon . preciate as 1 tlilnk of the 

of the names of Chaltera to glvc hlm the care and ed- IItllc fellow constantly rs. 

lt 

r 

who bre or have been ln- ucntlon that would right. pdclnlly now alncc our own 

fully be hls due. 

flve chlldrcn hnve grown 

: WRY or another .- 

and m y The le . boy now 

up nnd,lelt. 

llsttota's ' ' ' 

I! 

,neering hls elghth 

In Our we blrlhday. The adopt,ve 

Ihe 

Rrnndparenta' but we We have an ndvanthge located about 15 mllea Irom 

the from rn'scd 

until over many others In almllnr us and we kecp In touch by 

he passed 

situntlons In that we know moll. They have promlsd . 

day as 

birth. wherc the boy Is and wlth us a vlslt wilhln two 

Our 

had 

whom. He went wlth a, months and we nre count. 

" Out 

' 

: ' compnrntlvely young couplc lng ttic days. We lcnve decl- 

11 was Just as It he were .who have, two chlldrcn of alons concerning vlslts up 

o,ur own chlld as we be- their own - a boy 12, and a to them nnd never push for 

came greatly ellached lo girl 18. 11 Is a great console- a vlsll whlch, Is as I1 should 

, hlm and you can lmnglne tlon to know thnt he .is be., 

.' our, hrsrlslck feellng when bclng. ralscd wlth other 

'i , . our daughter told us that , young children. 

. Male Man 

. , 

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L 

< . . . . : ,. -,, . 

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. i 

,. 

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By Joscph M. Hnrikjr: :,. 1 . l'wns not nn ensy one!' Tlic couri: 

\; , -,, , , ., 

ri: 

+ GlobeStaff ......,. . . ..., noled lhnt 10 months wns n relntivc;: 

supremi ju;.'. ly short timc to be lnvolved in con-. 

.- 

*.I 

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I If .I 1 

:. l-he ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ h ~ ~ ~ t t ~ 

diclnl. Court yesterday upheld the sidering the interests of tho chilfi; 

'constitutionnllty~o~.a~stato Inwthot; and the nbllit~ of Pnrcnt to card: 

nuihorlzes the placement of children. .for the child. 4. 

foradoptlon wllhout. tho consentot, Howcver,'thc court snld it contheir 

pnrcnls whcn it is dctcrmlncd, sidcred "most slgnlflcont" the find, 

to be ,in tho bcrt ,Interests of. tho.. lng by Fltzpntrlck thnt'thc motheh 

.. : , 4 .. \ . .! hod taken "on unrcnliatlc nppronch 

Tho court rcfcctcd the:nrgumcnt. . to her problems and never worked 

of a 30-year-old Unmnrtied mother out n prnctlcnl way to implement' 

thnt her 10-month-old chlld should her plans for herself or tho child!: ' 

I only be taken from her iuithout her ' Shc nlso was caring for an elderly 

consent 11 it was shovin thit she Wna . patent, the court notcd. 

? ..r 

., ..-.... r. I2 . 

t 9.. 

unflt to care for it. . ... I.! " nic Bostoq mother, the Supremi 

The aftirm~d the rul" Judicinl Court sntd, hnd sliown 

ing 01 Suffolk Pro ate Court Judgn ;. ~~vncilloiing bchavlor" in (he mont~j 

Mary Fitz~ntric 1,- 

# who hnd dp2 bctwccn 11cr icnvlng of the child d{ 

f pmved petition by 

* 

Eng- , tho hove nnd 1116 brlnging of tho 

land. Home for Llttla Wanderers to sdoptlon pctltlon, she had 

dispensed with the mother's co?sCnt sliown "inability to take positive ncfncthe 

child's adoption. The mother tion townrd crcnting nn cnvironmcnt I 

had PIacfd her cHild 

in whlch n clilld could be placed 

shortly after its birth. 

with nny substnntinl hope of futur? 

. .: Under dtete law, a licen8ed.egcn- stnbiiily happlncsg~ tho courl 

cy thnt !lee cnrd 6r 'custody'of.~n snld. 

chfld'cdh fcquest court approval for sllC diRcrently, 

. adoption wllllout obtdning parents1 Eollrt nddcd, th*nk ,vou,d, 

; pcrmlsslan. t+t: , .'!,I .. !is' ' ond should' have prcvnilcd" in nni, 

In a scpnrntc opinion, tilo .court 

covrt proceeding 

: a~~rovcd the order of Bdrnstnblc 

to 

thb. 

ndoption. Tho policy of tile stntes 

: ' Judge Alfred 

Knight allowing two boys, 4 nnd 6, 

ndopiion Inw, tho court sold, is thd, 

to be by their mother rind 

Btrcwthcning rind cncourngemcnt of 

' her second husband . without tho 

fnmtly life and "thc protection nndi 

; consent of hcr former husbnnd. 

of chlldrcn!, 

) , tho probnto judge ' "The ovcrridlng conslltutlon~ 

a based the decision on the best inter- bnsls for the low is thC StIltc'~ inter-,. 

i esta of the clilld end tile "nblllty, cn- cst in proteitlng those chlldrcn; 

pocliy fllncss and rendincss" of the found on a rcosonnble bnsls to be in.. 

r naturnl pnrcnt to "nssume pnmntol '-need of ndopllon," thc court said. :., 

! responsibility." Tho . hlgli court., ' In his dissent, Hcnncsscy seld tho.. 

' ngrccd ihot those stnndnrds sl~ould. "best-inlcresls-of-thc-chlld" slnn-. 

!:bo nppllcd when adoption without: dnrd ie "less'protcctivo of pnrcntal: 

pnrentnl consent is sought. 

rights. I woltld glvo tho mother's, 

j, Tho,Suprcme Court nddcd:."We rigtits in this cnsc more weight," he: 

;, wish to polnt out wllh emphoais that: anid, fnvoring dcnlnl of tho New, 

. wc do not Icnd any npproval to die- ' Englnnd ITomo's adoption petition. . ., I 

T, penning wlth pnrentnl conscnt lor ', The Boslon mother's case, he nr-8: 

1. other thoti substantial iensons!' ' '"'.. 

' gued, "Is certninly not the equivn4. 

! Tho mnfority decision wrltten by, Icnt of willful ncglcct or unfllncss ' 

Justice Benjnmin Knplan, witll' gcnci'nlly." Durlng tlic 10 months 

' ~i~sticc Edwnrd F. Hcnnesscy dis- the child wnn wlth the home, ii@;' 

;senting, said tlic rullng in,!he,cnso notcd, the mollicr "pnld wccklya' 

of thc .uncmploycd~p~~\~~~~~~?,~'~~fiprlhl 

ibbupport pf the cl~ild!' . ' 

, . ., . < 

- k.,(.,,), ("/,(.,l,7 

I 

t-&,>~/wh~,! .\/

~ ' l ~ ~ , ,;, l t ,4//~ll$7~ 

1 Group for. biological . . a~otl~crs ' 

. ., . !. . 

_. . .- 

chlld. , . . . 

I 

. . - . . . . . .. . 

. . 

! 

Slster MOO$ 

. 41' 

".---; -",,- -..---~,J~'-' 

7 , 

! 

r , , . . . . ( Y, v > IJC.R&K[I c.i& 

( I-o I'r 

9, . , t OPINI Oh/ 

.-- 

a 

;, Biological, 

. . , . . motl&s. ,: t 

6 have 'feelings, 

,I .. . . too i I 

'~cnr 3 D'r, Dad And hfc : "You say Ant none of you , 

[ -' l'vc followed thc Chat . havc thc dcalrc to llnd I 

; fnlt~fully and hnvo rcally "us!' Well, thc dny may : 

[not ,hod occasion to wrlte, . come whcn your chlldrcn ;.' 

hut.eftcr rending your let- . moy want to mnkc that de- $ 

I 

(tcr to Dlologlcal Mom, I clslon on thclr own. , k,! 

cuuld no longcr sit back . 'you bc to 

wlthoutcomm4ntlng. 

! common scnsc . end also "lccllngr, too. 

:, aome Iccllngs. Juc's \Vltcl~ 

.. i 

Wc ,bloluglcnl moms nrc, 

. not just lncubotors and 

llnvc not "donc our blt!' We 

had dccp.lccllnge about our 

, altuntii~n end hnd wc not 

E volurd the lllc of nur ofr- 

: sprlng, wc ,would hnvc . . had 

..on aborllon. 

1 # 

',' You al~ould thank God. 

. that thcrc were lhrcc hlo- 

:logical rnothers wllo gave 

;llle to your thrce chlldren 

i and nlso louird the lovn and 

:courngc lo give lhc~n up far; 

thelr 'I (rsllaH"and .. wsll- 

,,,,:',/I!, .$ ;,;*,\ ; 

.," .%>I" i,;5.t,,l,l',.:&!t, .

. MWilhR WHO GAVE UP CtlILD: Dear A Real blother, Tool Eighteen year# ago, I gave 

birth to a son out of wedlock. 1 war only17, an imapture'l7. I carried my 

, child for.nine month8 and liatensd to the whiapera and looks of :disgust. When 

my child was born, I wanted more than anything to keep him, but becauae of .my 

deep love for hiin; I thought,of him. 1 had no one to care for us. I didn't 

, wont to give'him a life with everyone looking down on both of us. I thought 

by putting him up for adoption I could give him.a mother and father who would 

love him as much a8 1,did.i , 

! 

I am now happily married; with fivechildren, one of them adopted. . I still 

find myself thinking of the boy. I wonder what his patent8 are like. I wonder 

if he'a'happy? 'I wonder'if'he'a on drug# and does he need help? God, if only 

I c.ould know if he1# all'right and happy. I wonder if he knownwhy I gave him . 

away? Sometime# I see a hmltpi boy around tho age of 18 and wonder if that could . 

be him. You can't.sign away a mother'# love. 

. . I. 

1 I would like, td tell' you about my'adopted son, who is six yedr,s old. We have 

discuaaed with him'how we adopted him, but on three occasions he has asked aboclt 

his real qother; Ile appaara to be a.recure and happy child. ". 

Because we love' him, we allow him to expreae hi; feelings and let, him know that 

, he doesn't hurt ua by doing sg. I explain to him thit he is too young to sedrch, 

'but wheri.he ghte older; if he still feels he would like to find his.biologica1 

'.. mother, then we will mearchfor her together. Thia aeems to iptiafy nomething 

within.him. ' I , ,. , 

; 

. ' . . . 

Adoytion is heart~che for many unwed mother,, unanswered questions for many 

adopted children, bewilderment and hurt for many wonderful adopted parent8 when 

the child Bays that he or she would like 'to know who their parents are. 

An abortion would\be a mimple aolution for mapy. 

9 

' 

.,, .%, *:wwqE'yr- '-"-.--- , %.&, 

, , . '. . I . . 

! 

caveup chikd,"to adoption' , ,. 1.. ,., 

I ., . . 

Dear Biolo~lcal Mom - I standing of sltuatians liko: 

also nm n~blological mathcr ' thlsi , . .,. . 

of a child who was ndoplcd. ,' Any help you can gtvo : 

I need help find. mc nbout ngcnc~ca to con- . 

. : L'..:.:'.: 

1 

, , , r. 

.. 

i' 

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i 

.-. 

. 

.. ._._. 

.. 

.. 

:- 

Hopes daughtei finds he; . ' 

.. A REAL MOIHER, TOO; :,';.I .i,: .; ' - 

DEAR 

AdopUve patents who feel aa you. do kill ilnd. 11 helplul 

to mad "In Sdm ot OH~lns," thb erparlences of adopted 

ing the right way to tact to funnel lnformatlon W!Q* by John fhlloth Beam hus, Boston. 

my ldcntlly known to my. us wul bcgrcht'~'!p- 1 m mother O! Byear-old #rl. 1 ho when she 

" 

turn 18 

m son vjhcn he comes of ngc prcciatcd;, . 

ehe 

' wiU want to conla he. I have gpt 

' 

fmm her blrh along Wllb a lamll m, birthday cards dlorg for 

and may rant W find nc ' I must i t n s ~ lhave t ~ . ~ ~ ~ nr. ud a bwk O* my 

and hls brolhcr whom 11 .no Intcntlon of lntcrruptiqg 

fee& aht gihg her up 

' 'for a d' oPu0n. 

kcpt with me. , 

' 

my lie .OW ' AdopUve Pamnta should kalk thit lnformatlon on 

.. : .bfM@faUv& Is Impomnt u h JL 

family; *:. 

10 mrunl a 

'' I.! 

. :!, 

.. . 

. . 

. . MlSSING llER . 

% : !i . 

. ,. 

4 . .::

Boston Herald Amriean 5/18/76 

SIKNLD UMdB) FATIiBR KNOU? 

By Abigail Van Duren 

Daar Abby: GRANNY-To-BE i m thrillod at the prorpact of becoming a grandmother 

even though her unmflrriod daughter, who ir on welfare, her no plans to merry 

the brrbyVs fnther and choorer not to dirclora hi8 identity! 

You roy, "That'r 

hor burinesr and her secret." 

Abby, don't you think a child has the right to know who 11fs real father is? And 

don't you think that when the child grow8 up, he rhould hrve the right to get in 

touch with hi8 real fathr if he choorer to do 807 Also, mybe the father wantr 

to aupport his child. 

Women talk about W[NBW'B rightm. 

Ha, about WU'B rightr? 

DEAR LIBBBRt Fortunately (or porrlbly unfottututely, rince woman litterally carry 

the load alone end dolivsr it, it ir their prorogotive as to whether or not to 

inform the fnther. And not 811 fntherar are willing to atn up1 to it. But read 

on for anothor anlightmnod viewpoint. 

Daar Abby: Concorning tha unmarried mother-to-be who ir on welfare and prefers 

to keop the identity of : her babyVr father a recret: According to you, it may be 

her hoinerr and her recret, but that baby bacom8r the taxpayar'r burden, and we 

toxpoyora arm rick and tirmd of rupporting illogitirrmto children. 

With all the reruurces availabla to prevent pregnancier, there ia no excuse for 

any .am sexually activo 1.r femle to beor a hhild...And chy rhould the father be 

excured from tho reeyonribility of rupporting him child? Yet, you would let 

tflxpayerr aasuma thir rarponribility bocause romo 21-par old Runmf. female 

docider aha wantr to be a mother. 

We era five regirtorad nurses. k8ign ur. BHIRLBY, EMRY ALICE, LOUIS, llAnCIE AND 

JACQUELINB

~- 

A .I\ 

0 'mid-point for adopted ,,': 

. ., 

I 

, , ,.. . . , . -. 

:. 

,,, -. . . ... ., ,,' . 

8 . . 

v, 8 , . .., 

1 The BUllt that'wan in- 

Dear Two 'Motherr '- " atllled in me to give up my 

This 18 my first letter to the, will never be forgotten 

Chat, What a wonderful ... let. , . and I don't regret my decl- 

; ter you wrote.' .. , slon, but a chance just to see 

I just hope that when the her and talk to her would 

, time comcs that my daugh- * be n lifetlme plcosure. 

, ter wlll try and find me. I just to become frlcndr Is all 

hove three. beautt[ul'chll- I would ever hope for. ,. , 

dren now and would never Thanks lor lettlng me say 

. try to steal away the love what's been on my mlnd for 

)!hat she has for her molher. years. ; , Chlldrdn Are 

, I, My maln but decp hope la' . ; . Beaullful People 

7 that we could ellmlnato any . ", !",.: , ,;.. . 

need for secrecy if two pw. . 8.'' .' >'. . : . .. .' :L . . *.'.: I 

! ole were wllllng to lie rclc. .' 

&thlntcd. By &la; I mean .I , ,-,-- 

' that a wllllne person or j I . . . . ,. , 

.. 

!....r$Tm?~~! 

1 agency could act is a record :. 

moth&r,"':: 

._.I,,II-..- 

1 keeper for a blologlcal par! 

: ent and an adootM1 chlld.;! 1: . ~ BY this,. I. intin that I ;), 4 I , . c ;. !. - L 'i . .' ,. . 

. . . . 

I . 

: 

1 

might aubmlt my,name, ad. : : , ?:'. 

.' dress and any other infor- ! 

mation ncded to PI. 

. 1 'y Viet !, 

rWln!3 bail< Son 

'! or person end the Informa-I!! : ' ,' , I- . . : .. ., . . 

: tion would be kept knowlng .. ;Associated Press, :. . , 

. that mY Or 

1 , DM MoINE~, 16wo - Saylngt180meobc 

;,.child aearchln~ out their .: ,must be hurt:' the Iowa Supreme Court 

i qatural'parents, might UP- .: ; tulcd - 

I 

yesterday that 4.yenr-old Vlet. 

i,~lY OnY lrlformatlon about :.nomese refugee must be glven up by hls , 

:I herself and we ,would, be : American famlly and rdurned to hls nntu- 

:,hopefully matched up.: .,' :.ral mother..;; ; : - , ..' . :. 

.. he record-keeping would "4 ,I. ;. * 

mPY; be, needed, but, , must rcturn Doon Van Binh to hla mother 

think the s,ved {in Great Falls, Monl., although the famlly 

In lawyers, detectlve agen- . r !ibclleved It hod adopted hlm lcgally end 

I wagcd a year-long custody battlc. 

. cies, etc. Plus, there may be 

no need of two people who 1 41He'll always be my mn. IIe's i bcnutllu; 

-:do not wlsh to be reunited. ., , little guy. We wcrc hoplng lor o rrilroclc:' 

. PIcase let me know of any 'bold Nclson, publlc rclallons director fore 

organlrotlon thpt can help, iL"theron college In Forest Clty, lows. 

; tremendo,ua, so a . , j The court SPld tho J~h&~_on..fomll~. 

to locale,blologl~'!aml'lesi" t :! "Wc'll accept the declslon. We're happy : 

I ' 

, wc've had a year and o half with Bcn:'seld 

Nclson, who ha8 two other children. He sold 

when he returned from preschool. . ' ' 

k, "llow do, 

1: 

o,u go oboi~l tclllng hlm?" hls 

.odoptlvc fat ar,askdd;::'Bcn'has laid, 'I 

;don't won\ .lj .leaVe.l..He,undern(ondi~ ihe 

' Blnh - known as "Ben" - would be. told 

a. 

posslblllty but he's trylng to tell us he 

docsn't wont It to happen." 

Nclson sald hc would Invite Blnh's 

mother, Doon Thl-HoangAnh, to spend a 

fcw doys in thc Nclson hoiii

' 

, . 

6 

,, , .z:1 3,:, !,I ,!, * 

. - 8 - , . . 

, 

. .Dear. ana an as qp$,Plne.p- :, search 41. thclr ;blolog~~$.':~roundlng 

. I pls - Several !.Umes . an parents. ", , -.;- ,::,; .;& ,.and blrth. . . {!: , . 

. - 

have toyed wlth..thc idea,;, 'lt.for~ed''.me' to!.look;i,'. 1 gavelmy son away so 

of wrltlng to the Chtit; but . back end 1.wondered how .: that he 'could have n 

after :rdadlng. your. letter i. I wbuld .feel if'my son happy, moro well-rounded 

about ,l.your' .. ,adoptlvtf,. one day p~esented hlyself ,, llfe and I can't bear to 

dsughtcr'b .dcslrb to escek.'I unnnnoun&d ,et*hf door',; thlnk of not being able to 

out her blblogical~falher,'I.~~: 'to'query:kdlu,n'hlb back- , help..hlm: should he need, 

know f inust'@rlle.! m': ' "?'/ .; ground; Thb:vcry !tho\lght my.hefp. 

Nenrli "12' Jibar8 hgd. I., 1 sent . chllls * dnrlt.'lisusen~'.~ . These decisions have, 

had a son?ogt-,of~w,~dlock. 1' . thmukhout: What. wounds", come after much thought,: 

'The father of mycchlld ! he would tcooenl .:I,:'.'I ' da YOU 

.was :'my , hth:i &,& : , - 

can nee. on the sub- 

, . 

I\fter, more thought,! I;' j& Thanks to that movie:[ 

:through :ju'h$f !jeafl hlih 'was able lo put lnyu~ inn I am prepared. And I 

school;'! 8ty+lhonrt, '. bbut! ::.his shoes. I wuld 

thlnk thnt .'is the:' key, \ 

when-it cnme'down to the I:, (lame 

the:ba~eli proparal10,n. 

nky grltt~j:for:aom~ pa-:;, unrest, Lunderstood,, . :I*:- 

'* Since you, know your! 

son unknown :fo., me, 'hel!,} 

daughtcr's ' fathw's nnmc ' 

denled. paternity reeultlngic r: I then dCc1dedthnt if.be,; 

! 

iq !subpoenas, belng lbsued .. bhOuld present himaeif' 

, 

rmlo!dcpndil 

and address. It ,would be 

my ' 'auggcstlon thBt 'you.: 

d ic court cd?ei. ..a: -1 .'me at. some polnt ' Id :the:; wrlte hlm a letter descrlb- 

' :(hat ,erosd 1; tuture 1 ,jVould .sit down :Ink your daughter's needs 

it impossible ior!,i,o; .:, wlth hlm and answer all.*, and ask his pcrmlsslon. 

t~ ;i, complete,, \qe or;: hls suestlens honestly and t: As I.snid, if my son had 

$ ' $lspasslonntely ..: year with tho resl of 

..: .,,I, .coma 

~ 

to 

~~ 

me unannounced. ' 

v 

;lass end after the blrth dfl' I Still later, I have come,.; 1 may'.havo acted def% 

t my son I moved to another near-clrclo on this subl~~t 

slvely and, possibly, wlth 

1 state as I wan .st111 hope-. and If there waa some way: .,hostility. . . 

lepsly Jn 1ovc:wlth hlh fa-; 1 could get In touch with:. ' Even If hcr father 

.ther. 1: : , ; i hi adopted .parents I :should lnltlnlly 4 rcfuso to 

It took many yeat,s, !o buld advise them of my :. see her, he will be prc- 

.. i 

gdt over the, ' dfecb' jol dcslra to tnlk to him when ;' pared should she perslst In 

\ ttcsc events but how 1 am: he begins to questlon hls'.l-tho matter and I am aura 

I~!pplly maryled ,with.' a,,. background .8011 thnt he: ; hlq second thoughts would 

, ~vbndcrful,,..fitn)l .*f ,Lnst r; bduld; npver lhn e to be>..ba more, chnrltablo dhd 

: wlntkr I saw I $v, mivloil~ khnppy l,.or ~~l-at-eawi.~upd.~tandln~. ' . , .- 

o ndopled chll!Jre~.fjln, .:; !Jh, ,:!:,: darkness . sur- - - Diolopl~al Mom 

., 7 .. .*: :.I' c~J!., ,v y ,,.r .,.?, ~ , r y - ~ + - w .:.::e.v ~ j iy r v~ 

y c 

' , (3: 1h.l.' qr*,ys~tl , . ;I: .? 

. hl;':

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/ 

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. , ,. :;,. ,,.,\ , ., .L.'.'**, 

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t... 

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.. ... ,-., .. . . I 

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,; 

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'1 '. , 

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' 9. mots llc elsewhere, nnl It b qually 

.~razen kreed! : 

' 

' . ,. . 'ROO~S and wingsS. .t ' ..,:' ' , ' .. d~rt~cult tor the birth parents lo accept the 

fncl that even 

Edilor, I%& 

U they arc rceltcd wllh 

~ibune:' Thlk writer rC ' ' Edllor. Vie .~tibune: ,"Ihcri aro.only gmwn child, ncQer be how 

cenlly hnd the cdllying expfrlence or . two lmtlng bqufsts we can glve our (han his (deh,,me ,cords umoultr 

watchlnglonerVlce Pmldenl Agncwon children: m b, rpok the olhet Is 'j rathep will nlways.e,.oke melnorlcs 

telcvidon. .nls proud,, Hght.wlng, lotally wings.". .' "' ' . . .I. 01 those who hlsed hlm. 1Iowci.cr 11nrd It 

mrepmtanlmnn woren mlxedexpmslon I am Lhe moikr or twoybung glfla. me .'. I,, we mM alil the seorchlng adoptEe: 

d haughty pride plw that ol.8 fierce. Lounger me is wllh me. 'me oldcst-brn . give 

vlndlcllve attitude townrd tk ncwn mcdla 

our 

when I was hlnglc--waq purmndered 

adoptlve pnrmts will nmrer 

In lhis~couniry. Splro heartlly dctesb4he (under roerclon and duress) lor ndoptlon. ." th~;~~&n*s Q ~ b. ~ bd ~ encourage u 

,mcdla. He would olcourse lcel dUlerenlly , lam grieved by the controversy over who,, . Md nld .fielr dcnrchgbr their s,olhcr~ 

'If the mdln could kmnnlpulaled loscrve isa "real" pareni. the ~manllcsquabblci 

, mk, PI- eec lhk seer^ hslc 

rightists' lnlercsls I~lead of revealing the over *her "nalural," "Molcglcal,"'or . , nd lo,. b~ologlcal ~dcn~~~y-rook, . A ~ 

mKcd trulh awl such pople a?Tricky soma rwn more neutral term lprhaps . extensbn love ~d ro

,: 18 - The Boston ~ilobe r'rlday,, Junc 25,11176. . 

. . 

s 

~~ 

CONFIDENTIAL CHAT ; 

Natural 1110111 has no 'secrets' ' 

. .' Dear Flggydarls - I re- Ifonesly Is nn Important 

who own up to fathering a 

: spcct your oplnlon to lust factor In n dood marrlngc. I child, cspcclally II the child 

Mc In agrccmcnt that can't lmagirlc trylng to llvc has been glven up for adopadopted' 

children not con- Ilc for my,cntlrc llfc; .. tlon. I glve credlt lo thc ones 

tact thclr natural parents, , 

who do bccausc they are a 

although I don't agrce, bclng I'm speaking from cxpcrl- rarity. 

a natural narenl, . myaclf. - cncc because I'VE kept in . 

I wish thnt somc natural 

contact with olhcr @rls who 

I 

fathers would wrlte and 

arc a great many ! 

who may not be ready for.1 

gavc 

adoption.. 

up their 

The 

chlldren for glve us thclr oplnlon. My 

who 

thts type of 

own husband is a natural fabu! 

I ' marrlcd later, all told thclr ther and was ncver allowcd 

lhlnk 

' 

mlsconccivcd Illusion nbout., a' prospective before husbands long, lo see the chlld bcforc It was 

"longhlddcn . truths" audproposallof 

mar- 

, riage, 

glvcn up, and he fcels as I 

dcnly comlng to light. 

. . #I.'. 

.. 

. do. 

. 

Moat women who have One last thought - what 

Ife'd llkc lo see hla chlld, 

surrendered thclr chlld had about "unknowlng wlves"? 

but would never seek the 

the support of thelr famlly, Fnlherlng nchlld lcnves no 

child out hlmaelf. 

If not at flnt, thenrvcntual- : nh~aical . - mark on n man. For the both of us, tlmc 

IY. , 

' , . Thcrc aro very Iew men 

will tell. ~t's not thc typiof expert- 

. . 

j . 

. . .. . , -. . 

Joe's Wlteh 

., . ;, , 

I 

cncc to go through nlonc. ;,. . Wh . tt~~iC/.\,~it~~ .OI,:;I+.!( . g I:,.. 

.,11: 

,I ; .. 

.. -(.,,I. --.t.,.b o.,& ,,c,~,,;J 

. My parents, grandpnrcnls, ,, ,- 

and a couple of close aunts . ; . 

werc awarc of my situntlon~ 

Moat famlliea know. , 

'As far as unknowing husbands, 

a woman would have 

to bc very fwllah to try and 

kccp thnt knowledge, from 

her husbmd, . . , 

i ;- l,.,,~...,,. .,,(I - 8 ,,a 

:.I ?, r,. .:..:,.. 

2.. ,.,:, -a . -. - . 

'4 

'$ 

' / 

:. Natuiaal rno& 'thinks sf sou 

. . ,. 

I 

: Dear I For Me-Your let: thet 1 did so, because it's too 

. tcr tb Joe's Wllch louched a lpie b change It. Also, I 

sp~lal Place m~eheart. I went through prlvate adop-' 

,: gave my baby. Eon UP for tlon, so no agency has the 

' ; 'adoption alx years ago, and I records. 

1 : cnn only hope he has a. . , 

mother llkc you. 

,.clally on hls birthday. 

'

.unNTlAL CHAT ' 

, . ......... ..I..... 

. . . ',' 

Tho orlginnl readera' forum 

. 

of ialnrmalion, idcaa & odvlce . 

I 

.I, 

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*, . . 

I 

; I 

1 

. I 

L 

", ; . . . . . . 

~dop tee is a biological 

. . mnbmn, too 

Challerr-I've nevri llsvn wlll happen). My hut. A few ye.ca.~o.Idrtlded By thetlmclluundmybl. 

rrlltrn lo Chat klorq bul band bas known glnrs be.. the llme was rlnhl and lo I alo#lc~l Inth*r, he had 

over lhc par1 few monlhr. lore our marrlrpe and wa.ll located my. blolo#lral pasld awq, but 1 rnel htl 

I'vebnn rradln#wllhgreal 1.11 out rhlldran when molher, lamlly and Iesmrd how 

lnlrrc~l all lhc ltllm mn. Ihty'noldmou#hloundrr- I, ,..,,. 1 ,, much WaWrre1IIk1. . 

I told my adoptd parent8 

I raa alee @doptcd ss In bur wnh r 1dic.l buk, rword of my dccldon and nllrr 

Inlanl by wondrdul mu. sernhlnt and a Illtll rbrv 

hr";lwo nldrs lo eapresh 

thdt lnlllll ~Ulprl~r. they 

ale whom I dld and do ron- Ielllnp.1 found hrr. 

that 01 in unwed molha 

mcreptd and re#pclcd my 

and an sdopl*. . sh. wu .I Lrlllcd and rl#hl to know. 

My 1. was happy and exeltcd as I was. lltr hum. 

1 nor work wllh rn or-' 

I'm 31 ynn old, mlrrlcd normsf, but lhrrs ware band and rhlldren hadn'l 

known of my birth, but In a 

~anlr.tlon vhlrh help. 

to a 1.a.ttle man and the mnny quntlona stdllfetrn~ 

maller 01 hours. IhrY WtW 

adopld adulla lacalc blo.' 

am and alarta of my fllc. 

molhrr 01 lour rhlldrm, bul 

hclorc all 01 lhlr. I was an . 

cold and lhrllld. 

For 

. 

(ha ma1 parl. they 

unxed molhrr who [*WE Up were ~Iwrys lnlw~rcd, but , It's bnn a few yean now 

m son lor mdopllon. there rrmrlncd vcw natu- and wr'vscomr lullrlrrlain 

It'skm If ycannow,bul rnl curlosllv as lo whrra 1 our rrlatlonshlp. Ih in no 

1 look lotward is lhe llms r*mcfmmil know my own wmy molhrt and dauthtn, 

when my son and I are rr 

chlld wIII have lhns feel. but I viry rwlll and Sab. 

vnlld jwhlch I flrmly b. Ine.) . , , . f,ln# lrlcndnhlp y; , , 

, .., ,. 

L 

,.". ..;. 

L. 

lo~lral lamlllrr. Opplllo la 

the popular ronienru~ DO 

percent 01 lhors lm.td la 

Ihrllltd and fwm lsdln# 

nl.llon#hlpr . 

11's llmo 1 brllrvr lor 

chansr andlor all thoscmn. 

crmd lo lake a Imk a 

Ihcmlelvn: 

Tlmr lot lhoadop lvc par. 

en,.-who now I*/ lhnal. 

inrd and Itk,"Whrre hare I 

"one wron#Y'-lo rrnlltc 

1h.1 lor moat adopled rhll. 

drcn there's a nllurrl curl. 

ntlty 1h.1 in no way trkes 

awry from thrmstlvrs. 

Tlme for the *doplrd 

rhlld-who dotnn'l runoln a 

rhlld, but #town lnla a ma. 

lute adult end wants lo 

know-lo have a rfphl lo 

know whrre hsrnma from. 

Time lor bldn#lrlI prrmls-rrprclally 

blotn-lo 

try lo lorgct Ihr shame and 

1ull1 1b.t w u lnrlllled snd 

la prepare for a pulbla re. 

unlon thll wlll answer 

qu"llon. only they can 

annwtr. 

Tlme for popla lo underand 

thn It', nu whrl you 

llnd, bul lhal you'vc found 

I . . 

.... 

. . . 

... 

and 'bioiogicol parent$ ,. 

XPERICNCE. ...... 

Hopcs daughkr finds .. her '.' '.' ' 

DEAR A REAL MOnIER, TOO: -1 '.- . 

MDplln prtnlr rha fed u do tdn nnd It klplul 

ro maa *',n s.a~ ct orldm," C'p*nnar 01 ; 

PI*. $John TTIWbUh Bclm ma, BmLoa. ;hrn Iba ,, 

I'm I maher 01 a Sw4ld' Url. 1 

turn 1) &8 hs mnnl Lo m1.d me. I hr~wl. 

dly 

from her blnh Urn8 r(~h law tm MrUds csrds lor ' . 

each ear ud a bxk 01 mr I3%# i b #I& ~ her np 

let ..&I&", 

Adopllva prmu rhovld mallla Lhrt InlmmaUm m 

blmd rrlalhw Ir lmprmrol wbm J(:yU !o mNry ;I . 

Iamll): . . 

- 

-'' ~mnrmdrnhwukrdbnloewitae~&k.l 

ibp~rr at Adopun'Wkv ~ o mk m 

~mn. 

~Wlln rn v*rrou. Imm brbh er aha an adwld Wcm~td pna kum w bl*obu( 

,.I*. .",."".. ..L 

! nkamn ndopla. ww PM(. ~ n d 

I 

.,.-I-. --r 

... 

.

. . Pogo 20-COLUMBIA (M~.)MISSOURIAN. ~un.. Juna2O. I 

,. . , . . ' 1 11,111 , . 

, . . . 

. . ., , . . 41,. . . . . . 

, . . 

. . 

' < 

fnyCorn~cnScott ' ' ' ' . ." ' ".' 

'~lssour~inntnllnrltcr. . Whatever the mnllter declllcs lo do, 

I ..., . .. .., , ..., ,, .. , , I, 111 .. hol)irr~.~o,;1ie~1?y 

.yy,~,ll~... hlrs: W,,dless3ys npproncllcs It ns 

Ihc dllcmmn 01 lhc unwed ~ O U I C ~ ,., 1 (-all cxl~~il~ll 10 

mnklngo plan lor Ule baby. The nloUtcr 

who leek shc wns coerced lnlo glvlng , . mnkw n llsl ol the prw nnd tors lor 

up her chlld for ndopUon is no1 n story ( 1 i l l 7 ' .' mllaqulshing, kceplnp, or placing thc 

bld In most clrclcr. But 1,lndn Sh&!?& . . . cNld In n lostcr home, she mys. 

Roulc2, Is lclllng hcrstoryxc slory '. il])al~~~t)ll 

01 n shy, lncxpcrlenccd, l&ycnrltl girl - once Ute moUtcr dccldcs lo rcllnqc~lsh 

who dnlcd nn oldcr "mm 01 Ua world," up lor ndopuon." hcr chlld, she Is referred lo nn ntlopUol1 

got pregnnnl and gnvc.up her Ilrstborn 

ngcncy. In floonc County It is thc Onone 

for ndoptldn. Mrs. Shlplcy clnlma 011 01 her County Divlslon of Fnrnlly Scrvlccs, 

"I've nevcrloaked on It 8.1 n mlklakr, munscllng was bwnrd ndapuon and Mn. Wyche &iys: "There nrc privnlc 

It's somcthlng Uvll happened nnd is n lhnt she, wns nd told 01 eny oUlcr ogcnclcs In other locnlcs nvnilnblc LI II 

pirt 01 me," Mrs. Shlpley mys. "11 Is .nllcmnUvcs.Shc snysthc mlnl worker molhcrchooses!' ' 

my hqx U~at I1 I spmk out, it ulll givc , Lqld hcr, "You're not fit Lo rnlse this . , n ~ ~ the r e moUtcr is munselcd ncnln 

onhcrrlgl~lsandnllernnlivcs,~ysSuc 

, . . . . , . . . , . , . . 

I a ,. ..a , ,. ' , . 

" " blelihcmother~U~eoUlers~de." 

othen courngc lo comc out d thclr. .child. You have nolhlng tb dve lhl3 

prison ofsllcncc." ..child. The only chance she hns lor a hlills, soclnl worker lor the Dt\lslon 0: 

Elevcn ycnrs ngo, hlrn. Shlplcy mrmnl IPe is U sht ti put up for -. Fnmily Services. "I nlso will 

, entered Ute Unlvcrslly Mcdlcnl Center .ndopUon." . . ' . accornpnny her b the court hcnrlng nt 

b glvc blrlh to n twopound, 14-ounce llnvlng nowhere else to'turn. Mn. U~eUmeoIreUnquishmcnt." 

(1.4-kllogrnm) baby girl lhnt hnd been Shlplcy says, "I not only aumndercd ilowcver. hfn. Shlplcy says, "At the 

hlddcn bcnenth lull s!drLs nnd bnggy my child, hut I surrendered my love for . Unte ol the rcllnquistlmrnt nlosl 

' menlen lor seven nrclghlmonths. my p,?renLi" moUtcn,wnnl thelr nnmc kcpt hush. 

Mrs. Shlplcy mys her pnrcnts told Knren Wychc, olatchics soclnl hush, but n lot 01 Umes no tnntlcr hnw 

her ncvcr to bring the b?by hnmc. They aorkcr nt the hledicnl Center, says Ule well lhcy thlnk U~cy have ndjuslcd 111 

bld her dbllngs she hnd gonc b Ute :muruellng pmellcc todny is ."never b lhe la%* of Ulclr cldld, snoner or later 

hmpitnl lohave her nppcndix removed. tnlk,moUlcn lnb rellnqulshing. It 18 lo Uley nm going to feel n dcsperntc need 

In the hospltnl she was counseled by a . we UL.1 there am.olhcr nlkmsthe~ lo llnd out whal lwppncd lo UIC cldld. 1 

soclnl worker who, Mn. Shtpley snys, nvnllnble. AdopUonb pemnenl, nnd wns able lo bury my nced for about 10 

. "hassled me Lnb putUng my daughter we generally play the devll's wdvocah yenta. Then all nt once It Nt me Umt I 

. . -. 

-. 

, .', 'nwjorIty (&iIlly ngc 18 0121) nrlopUnn 

.' h!fd to flnd out. 1 ellher hnd to lind out " ' , . . , ,, 

" or I couldn't Uve Just not knowing.' liles can bc opeml nl the rcqucst ol the 

"'Shortly nllcr'thnl I found nut nbout::' '1 al?lC to i)tlry ndoplcc. Stic mys mnny ndoplres 

llccfl.for'10 yean;* 

, . violntc Uteir constiuUonnl rlghlr 

Orplun Voynge and some 01 the olhcr . 

' . senrrh orgnnlznUons lor ndoplccs ..' , 

believe the currcnl ndopUon lnws 

seeking thclr nnlurnl pnrents. 

"bccnuw lhey (ndoplcc$) nre dlsposcd 

: :'I.. All at orrcc it hit IIIC' . d,,,r without of knotr?ng 

"My grenlcst hope k thnt my 

who Uley really nrc." She currently is 

daughlcr wlll seek n~e altcn she is 

' worklng borgnnlze n brnnch of 0 hnn 

grown, not I%cn~rsf hcr ndopuve . the lcgnl syslcm lor Mn, Shlpley nnd Voynge In hllsso~trl w11Ich wlll lob '6 y Lo 

pnrcnL9 hnvc not llllcd her necds, bul her dnudtkr b conhcl cnch outer, chingcthecxlsUng Inws. 

bccnl~sc they hnvc rnlsed her lobcsuch Mcdlcnl nnd eUtnlc Informntlon, .;"If 1 could lmve n few crumbs of my' 

' a lulllllcd, open,compas~lonnlcpcrson, however, Ls glven . frccly b the cMld's ille, I would be ~rnlclul, but 1 

Uml hcr lovc nnd forglvenc.w extcnd . odopUng lnmlly at UI~ tlme of adoption hnve no InlcnUon ol pwhlng ~nysell on 

even to me. 1 hopc that sttc w111 ncccpl . nt~tl blcr whcn new I~rfonnnUon is , her ndopUvclnn~1y;sbcsnyn. 

me ns o frlcnd, but I hnvc no fnnbsy , glvcn b the ndoptlon ngency, U the Slntc Ilep. larry hlcnd, 1815 

thnt I cnn ever rcplnce'lhc 20 ycnn of ndoplee or ndopllnl: lnmlly rcqucsts It, .Illgl~rldgc Drivc, hopes to casponwr a 

nurturing, n~ctnories nnd lnmlly love ' Mrs.hllllssnys. 

bill during Ule ncxt scs.rlon wldct~ would 

that I hope her ndopUve pnrcnls will 

nllow ndopUon fllcs to bc opcncd "orrly 

give l~cr,"slte snys. . -No lnformnllon Umt could n.ulsl in for lnformnllon lhnl' wo~lld be 

In hllssottrl ndopUon lllcs nre closed locnllnl: elthcr Ute molhcr or U a cldld ncecs.siry lor UIC wcllnrc ol UIC ndoplee 

by atnlc law, mys Cnrl Folcy, leCnl cnn bc given, mys .frnnk Conlcy, arU1enn111rnl pnmnlwiUtoutrevmUng 

ndvlser lor Ule County Juvctlllc Ollicc. , clrcuil court Judge. In Utc llve ymn he thelr IdcnUly or locallon. There sctnn (o 

"l11c llles nrc not open lo tltc gcnerul lms' scrvcd ns Javenllc Judge, no be tw mnny dlffercnt sltunUotu whcm 

, publlc. The court mny huc nn order lo . ndopUon records hnve bccn opcncd, he ~mvenllngIdcnUUcrcould bcbnr~nlul.~ 

I open fllcs, but only upon wrlllcn snyn. ntc prlmnry concern in such a .. . . 

; nppllcntlon. Any person who pnnlts rcquesllsuhethcropenIng Uterecordls ' . But now, nll hln. Shlplcy cnn do is 

I InrpccUon of such idormnuon wiUloul golng b =we the chlld's lnkrrsf , wall nnd lell her story. "I'm hoping 

m order co~nmlla a mlsdemennor," Canleymys. some dny the Umc wlll come whcn I cnn 

Folcy mys. 

Mrs. Shlplcy would llke lo see UM . apbln b her (l~r doughlet) Umt I 

. .-nW, ther~ 18 no way through : Inwe changed lo Uut a1 lhe age d dldn't~bandnnhcr.~' : 

I . . . ,. . . . 

.-- ,- 

s 

:;f.nh:c I/ 

'.:

..... 

. .? -+rr-.)-.~.%fr . 

?.q,.-~.-~*'r ..... 

, .: . *..--. --, 

. .... . 

1 ' 

! '18.0. . THE MIAMI 

' . . . . . . 

", .- ' ,:. . - . , . 

. , 

- A Naturmt nlother 

. - -, , C - 

----- -..-.- 

-, ' 

. 

. - 

,. 

. . HOPBS~DAUO~KR FINDS Hm . .: ...-. .... ; T I ". - *- . 

' .. , ,' 

',.' ..{i.;:: ' > . . 4 . 1 

'DEAR A.RML MOTHER, TDO, . ,. .. . 

j'., " .: 

. . I 

. 

. .. 

. , . 

' 

, . . . 

' tdoptive parents who feel 

You do W i l l find it helpful to read yn senrch ,of &igins" 

, 

the experience, of !dO~ted POP^^, by J o b Trf~elIotfr, ~ i a c P~ra, o ~ ~ ~ ~ t ~ 

, 

..... I 

i I.': Ism the mother .of A 9-war old girl. 

I hope when rhe turns 10 &ha want to 

' '/ me.,.,1 hnve'ke~t a dairy porn her birth, along with r family tree, birthday cards end a 

j . ' . 

Of 'my tEeelinga about gfvlng her up for . . .doptton. 

! 

. - 

' 

pafent8 should realf~e thit informatfon on blood relatives is important 

' ' - it comes to atarting a family'. HI~SINQ 

. . . . 

4 .. ,. . . 

, . . 

C',. .", 

. . \ 

. .

,. . . . 

*S~III~U~~ hlctr~11 7; 9i6' 

, . ., .. . . .... .." , - . .. ... - . .. . v ,4 

ADOPTiOM, TI-{EM SEARCH 

---- -.- 

.... ..., , 

... * . - 

' 

L , . 

ny CllnlS \\.lllTnI~CK 

llc~tvrr Pnsl Slat1 \Vrllcr 

"I nl~vnys ~lrcamnlb;11 uhcn I llnnlly 

mcl my rla~~~hlrr 1 wn~~!rl Ilnvc my Itnlr 

donc arid look my hcsl. Inslend, I c~ierl 

all lhc way 0111 lhrrc, hly rycs wcrc nll 

red nnd aaollrn. nnd I looked nwllll. 

"TII;II n~nnicnl-driving nut ihcrc-- 1 

lhni~cl~t lo n~ysell. 'This is whnl 1 hnvn 

tra~~lrr;, ll:ls Is \vl~nl I hnvc prnycd for. 

b~rl I'm scarrd lo dcalli. \Vllal do 1 rlo 

whrn 1 Frc her?' 

"Tilcn \!IICII 1 wnlkcd In .n11rl Rnw lllc 

pro1111 in lhc kllchu~~, III~ eyrs hi1 ller 

firsl. Tl1r.y didn't nccd lo say, 'Thls IS 

ycnilr tlm~~hlcr.' Once 1 snw her, I knew." 

NAMES CII.\NGEI) 

Mrs. llarbnra \\'hilt (Itc namcs in lhls 

slory nrc firllllnus nl lhc re~lll~~l of IhC 

\volnen), a Dcn\'crarca :cnchi?r in llrr 

$as, brpan hrr acllvc qi~~:sl lo find her, 

flrst.I)nrn last Aujiusl. SI!e lins two other 

cllildir~~, bolh nf mllr~c oge.no1v. 

It tvasn'l ll~al finding her daugl~lcr was 

s new ldra lo her. I1 wna somrlhlng shc 

hqd livrrl Wllh "3llnn~l*\'Fry dnv" n( llrr 

!!:: :!:. :: :: c:"?:!?: :!: 1::::: 

mnn nf 18, she became prcgnnnl and 

Rare lhc baby up for adopllon-28 ycnrs 

ngo. 

"All Ihnm yrnrs I \vcndcrcd . . . bul I 

ncvcr irlcd.. . Yo11 can't lulk lo nnyborly. 

You're R s!nfuI, wicked girl," she snid 

dllrilifi on inlcrclrw a1 hcr home. 

lk~ln:I .hujiusl, wllh ll~e cnrourn~c-' 

nlcn! (11 I cr second husband, hlrs. While 

1111all.v nvercnnle t8cr lccli~~gs of fcnr atid 

puilt. 

T;IVC'~ A V~I~EODII* 

"!Yr h:~re to bc ll~nnklul In lltnsc way. ' 

. .I l.i~ls 01 the 'Gfls." said Mrs. \Vhilc. 

"l'hry Ia;nr civrn us-ns nd~~lls cvcn-it 

:rv ~I,IIII \$I! 1111!!lil Pcvrr h:~\*c l~ird." 

5l,r jooi:~!d n krn1\111 r:tllc~l A1ln11lcrs In 

SrarrI~. nlr~zh nirls nrloplccs nntl nnlur;ll 

p~rr~~ls In finding onc nnolhcr In spllc 01 

nfli~pl~r~n l:~r!s in ll~ls slnlc-and 111r6l 

s'nlcs-. Illat bnracccss lo ndol~lion rcc~lrrls. ' 

I Sr;irrh's s~~fifi~nslion. Mrs. \Vl~ilc 

I.~PIIIu:III~ rnnlnclatl Kcn .Inos, a lorntcr 

i ~ I ll~c l 111ia.rs1i11r~l kltllc l1o111c 

ul~ivh I~:~nrllcd lhr ntlol~lln~~, who now 

hops ,111 lhr IIOIIIP'S rr.~wrds. 

\V!lI~l'K.\ l.Kl'TKll 

Arvnr~lin: lo his pnll~:y, nl Mrs. U'llllc's 

I I .Iws rvrnlc n lrll~r lo 1111- old . 

nrldrrr.i ol lhc nrlopll\*o parrnls. Il~torln. 

Inl: l111~1n Ih31 ll~r II:IIII~H~ IIIO!~IC~ weas 

. inqul~i~~~ 

al~cr 

lhc cl~lld. , , . ., . . 

' 

"A lallrr r;llilc dlrcclly hurk from lhclr 

nllornc*y," R:IIII Mrs. \l~ilc"It ans so 

rnld 111 mc. 11 snld, 'Shr Is nllvc. She la 

tr~nrrlrd. She has n lnmlly ... bill lrlcnse - 

lllc lnril~~rnll 111nl11cr signcrl n p:lpcl. llrnt 

shc'cl nwcr fry lo l111rI hcr chlld ngalll - . 

wc ilon't tcnnl lo hcnr ~~nyllling Iron1 her.' 

"I?cc llirrn as not loving 1)coplc !vllnl- 

. zncvcr... 1101 nl nll." sold Mrs. \\'lrilc. "If 

1111s is SII~II n clt~sr.knil lmlly, why nrc 

lhcy sn Il~rcnlrncrl?" shc s:~ld. "I cn~~ld 

ncvrr cnnlc linck nllrr 20 yrilrs nnrl Iry 

lo Inkc lllr ltlncc of Ibis ~ nr~ll~r~~ nnd In- 

Il~cr. I coulrln'l ... nu1 !rc l~nvc lllc rnom 

lo lnve nlnrc III~II one pcrson." 

' 

It wcip.l~cd nn 11cr n~ind, sltc said. unlll 

two n~oi~lhs lnlcr nllc wct11 bnck lo Joos 

, ond arjicd hi111 ngnln lo conlncl (he nllorncy, 

only ngnln lo rcccivc his rcply, 

"These pcople don't want her bolhcrlng 

her." 

hlrs. \Vl~ltc was icfl In hrlpless fruslra- 

Ilon. 

Silllng In l~cr llvlng mom Ins1 ucck, she 

sald. "llow many limes in lhr lasl IIVO 

mnnlhs I hove slood nl ll~ese windows 

herc and II. I I wuuili .vrli uul, I 

believe shc could hcnr mu.' I wdnlcd tu 

: ycll, 'You're oul Illere and you're closc lo 

:me; nnd I lhougl~t why oh why don't I 

,know \rho you nrc?" 

. A1 nbolll Ihc snnlc ll~iio hire. \\'hllc rrns 

conlncllng Scnrch lasl Augusl - insplrcrl 

by a lclevlslon documcnlary on the, subjcrl, 

a 2B.yeor-old womnn, now marr!d, 

.wilh lhrcc cl~lldrcn of her owe, also 

: For AII~ Armsl~ong, loo. ihc ldcn of 

3 kccklnn out l~cr natural niolhrr was not 

.. 

:my Iltc ... for ns long as I cnn rr~ncmbcr 

.I\vo~itlc~crl 

nboul hcr t~nd tvr~nlrrlo know 

: I~rr ... rcvn 111 collrgc I slnrlrd 111 111ok in 

: Ihc nc\vapaper (for my birth rccord) ... 

:I:III had altcnys been lold il wi~s l~npns- 

. sil~lc. I \\,as al\vays told IIrc rccol.ds were 

: deslroyrd." 

. ' 0 turlhcr co~nplicnlc l~cr dllrni~nn, 

,."hly pnrrnls hi111 lnld IC I wns lcglli- 

,'n~nlc.,. 'l'l~ry snI11 111111 my p:~~rnIs h:~d 

: I~ad scarr;~l yl~lldrrn. nnrl couI11n'l nltord 

. tnr... 'r11ry rIid11'1 w:~nI IP." 

: That \vi~llr- 11c. :;he nli..t-rvcrl, uns ob- 

:vloesly tl~~sijinul lo 11rolcr.l 11c1. II.~III tho 

* nIig111n nl ill~~~!iIi~~i:~~~y, 

. hll~lll~: li1:1r li~e 

rnr:ll:cr lnlorn~nliun he could uite llcr

I 

. . 

:SEPARATION, ADOPTION, SEARCH ~- ~ 

. 3"' . , .A,.. . . ..-,.,.... .. I 

. 1 

~.. 

**THE DENVER POST Sun.. Much 7.1976 13 

Wllhoul lhc pcr~nlssion; Incli~dlng lhc fnrl 

llrnl hho war iIi~#ilintitlc nnd lhal her 

nlolllcr wns now n ICHC~C~ 

niartltd lo n 

physlclnt~. 

"It wns lhc lirsl l hcilrd I wad lllcglil, 

male. 1 musl say ll fcll good. I had such 

a fccling of rcjcdlon nll tltcsc ycnrs. I 

knew 1 wes Just a.bnby, nnd it wnsn'l rcnlly 

~rcc'lhcy wcrc rcjccllttg. Bul I know 

how I fccl aboul my chlldrcn. nnd (here's 

, jusl no \vuy I would glvc lltc~n up." , 

hlrs. Armslrong snitl she wcnl home 

Imntedlnlcly nnd callcd her pnrcnls. 

"hly mollicr wns vcry caretul lo say, 

'Ilave you thougltl lhls nll over? Are you 

rllrc yo11 mn handlc It?' I mid, 'Ycs, I'm . 

bl~rc.' And Otcy sl~ocvcd~tnc Wlh tho let 

11-r!." 

dcall~,",hc nddcd, when sllc lold him she 

had jmlncd Scnrch. 

"SJJO looks rnough llkc hcr molhcr. 

'And, ~vcll, iltcy'rc holh pcrccpllve 

c~~ougb. 1 tltot~gh~, bell. Lhcy're gqing lo 

ntecl nl n Srarch n~ccllng." 

By Ihnt IImc, hlrs, Armslrong wns seclhing 

wlfh Ittipn(lcnco ns sltc wailrd more 

lhan hro wccks lor hcr pnrcnts' ~tllorncy 

lo wrilc o pcr~iilsslon lellcr lo Joos hcr 

I)arcnls mllborl~cd. 

SCHI.I!~I IICIII nttolhc~' niccllng In lnlc 

Fitbrutlry. hlrfi, Arntslrong wcnl, hlrs. 

\Vhllo ~tl~tiosl \vcnl bl dccidcd against il 

nl lhc 1:tsl mlnull*. noring 11 collcc hrcnk, 

I s ArlnsLrssg I)cRntt tliscussl~~fi lllc 

~t~nl:rrss of ltcr sci~rch, nnd lncnllt~tlrd 

Ihr nclv fi~cls hlro lto\v ltorl - tltnl her 

ntolllrr crns n Ic:tclte~*. nt:lrricd lo a 

phgsiclnn, will1 Iwo cltlld~~cn. 

'I \vom;llt slto war lalkittfi lo 

"drnpl~~*~l l~cr ];I\\#" nnll snid, "hly (;lbd. I 

knt~w wltn your IIIIIIIIP~ IS," uttd IICW In 

Ihts II*II~~IIIIJIII* -. whlln hlrs. Art~isIrot~fl 

w~~llrtl, alle si1It1. "ill 81 slillc ol sltuvk." 

, Sla, loo, llkc hlrs. \Vhilc, had vlslotls of 

havllli: her ltnlr d6ne nnrl lookln~ her lical 

nl (Itis lcnpnu-nitcd mcctlng. I!tslcntl. "I 

wns shaking as thnu:h I crctc Ircezit~fi." 

bnd so white attd "lwkl~!;! 50 n~vlul, pcople 

kcpt asking If I didn't \c;?nt a drink or 

~omc~i~l~tg:' 

Iloth aomcn nolcd lhal lhcy had h*cn 

wcll xnrnd. bv Search ntcn:bcrs rind 

lhelr cxperiencc~, lo caprcl l!e nol.sI - 

a lerrlble dlrnppl~ttmenl, n cold mcrling, 

ntnybc cven complcte rejection. 

"I nlrra!s thought of thc nrgnli\c 

: things Iirsl - lhal 1 mlgl~l mccl lhls llerson 

and Ihlttk. ]uckl 

"Pcoplc prcpnrcd me. Ion." raid Mrr. 

h ... .. . T -. a rr~t~rnibr, 11,1s tlllld 

rnlnl~l no1 b@ nll ?uu illrll~lpnl~. 

'l~00l~ 1~r;Ll.IsG' 

"Yel frotn llte very tnntnrnl . it l~rlv 

0 ,,,,I,I,,,, v ,., I . I. 8 . . ...,. I...I 

,. ,. 

111 III).II 11114 tlll~~v r:lov 11111 81 I.* 11'11. 11#"1 

H.,O Y,II~I,~II 110 1-1 lu,,tlt(.~ $11 11111111 be 

el~clt wtsrc nlrttid we ctuttld critrc Uln 

olhrr Irlxtll dl." 

AN Ill? 11\11 \\tlltlcn r:~l ftcor r:~t,h (IIIIVI, 

IIIC rcscn~blnncc dark halr. dark cycs, 

lealurc~. hclghl - was slaggcrlnc evcn down lo a unlqur falnlly lrnil - 

cr~ch of lhem 1s mlssing two of hcr lop 

lronl lcclh, 

' 

I7ar n!l lliclr years itlid mot~lh~ of Inipa. 

Ilcr~cc, 110th itorncn agreed lhal the timing. 

In the cnd. \\as beit. I I Iitnc 

both anlttcn rtcrc lu!l) co~n~n!:lr.d lo the 

mccllng. and slllwu~l~ llrs, Ar1119Irong 

snld ltcr pnrcnls sllll can't fu!l!' ncccpl il, 

Iltcy tiid II~ lcnst rceo~~cllc lhcmuclv~s lo 

llrc nirclin~. volucloril~ sl~o\r hcr !he lel. 

lcrs and glvc lhclr perniirsion. 

Mrs. \\'hllc rald that the nigh1 of lI;!lr 

nicclln~ shc Iwkcd toj) ihf! jn.ssnj!e IJI llto 

Ilible IIIJOIII ... n litns to plant. ;: limc lo 

sox. n l1111c lo bc horn, n limc lo [lie. I 

slngcd 1111 lo read I1 . 1 bad bcrn ~cl. 

liltc XI int~)allcnI . . . God docs sct a 

selik~lulr." ' 

As lor the r~tull~~.r's nrc~nmlllo~l Illat 

ltrr rl~~~t~ltlcr was \villhn shuttlin?, tlis- 

I~lncc'! 

hlrr, Ar~ttslronl: raid. "I Ilvnl in 

I)r~lv~r Inutl ol nly lilc )as1 o few hlocks 

. from hcr-slnce I wns 4." 

. .., .

Tlrc Ll iil)c t. I,lnll, 

ELIZABETH THOMPSON ADVISES ~nl,ol,r,o, 

,lg, I, 1p;i . 

,,Trufh seldom harmful to adcpfed 

!I 

IWnr $!I.-. 'Il~nnl~*n~~: 

I nlll n 3vnman $rlln m?nv 

vvar~ ap.0. r.;lr.r up a rhlld fnr 

i ' 

.. .. . 

nrlnpllnn AIv pl!r)mcr in !VIII. Fn! Inv P~II I. 3: a r~~lural nrrlr In IJrf ra~vcl ln:l?nlr: 

!lng 1I)l.c l~llrr I- In dralv parcnl, ~rnl~lrl 114. In hatr nnltld 1r11111 hr, r8lnt.r 11a111~I11I 

nlrenlion lo 111" !art Ill21 lh* rnnrr knolvlfd;? nf rrp' Illan inrnranr. ...;#ah a: )I-r 

ntlopllnn rcrnrrli arm rlnt arlnplrrl rhllrl. 

~fln::It*.- chrld nl a t??Irl~l 

nvallilhle In rrll~ll ~doplrri. Adrlplrr: I bar* made ulln m~lr#lt.rrrl hlr wlr. n* 

hlrlh nrnll~orr nnrl arlor*ll:c ;~lhlnrisln~l? In ihr Allnvnr~ lwrhrlrc file nll:llrlny nl P 

C*nrral'r nlflrr II~'.' h?rn rap ' I r I 1 nr 'I'flrIat. 

inlnrni~rl Ihal mQrl rr~lrlatrrc III~IIIIII~ hn: brnm* 

I? ron~~iinnplnrr, lhnl II lc 1111 

Ion cr R $krlrlnn lo hr rnliled 

In filr rlisr~. 

to opcnh up Lbr rrrn~~ls 

cnmlnp, Irom n do p 1 i v c 

pnrrnls. 

n:~l naaG I nsk nrlnplilr 

parrnlr: Il'hnl dn ynll lcnr 

from as.' 111. blrth molt~rra? 

Hnvr U.P' no1 glrcn Volr nlrr 

rhildrcn In lhr hrlirl ~hnthry 

1 1 haw n ~wrl lilr In 

lhcsr rhoscn famlllrs? \Ynllld 

I1 ~nnkr wnrr lor us lo dn 

n n y I lr l n whirlr nould 

jrolrardi7.r Ital? 

\\'a nnl~rrnl niolhrrs svr up 

nllr rlrlldr~n hnplnp. l!err~f, 

In: mnlir lhcm hnppg. If I1 

unulrl hnl;r lhrsc snmr 

rhllrlrm, khn nrr nnu* a~lulls. 

I~nppp lo haw lhr nrlnpllon 

rcrorrlc owned, rnuld you no1 

.....~.. 

\Ye lrai~ rarrillcrd n In1 

nnd had (fir msrapr! nnd lntlh 

lo lrurl )ou In bring up ~ ~ P R C 

rhlldren. Can ou no1 shou* n 

rlln~lar F it11 o cnurngr, 1~1th 

and saerl P 

i' 

kc: 

A nlrfh nloll~er 

I havf , nrwr lcll lhal 

a~lnplcd rhrldr~n should he 

rlcrr~rd lhrlr ronls. lfit~l.e~,cr. 

arcrrs In Informalinn nlr llrrlr 

natural . parenls sholllrl be 

Iranrllcd nilh dlscrcllnn an11 

tlrrnugl~ llbc wisdnm of ror:ial 

workers' srrrsill~~c In llir ncrrlr 

nI nll parlies rn~rrcrnrd 

Irfil8lnlinn frrcinp lalorma 

tin11 nn nrlnplcd cbi~rrn is 

llnrlrr hlurly 111 scvcrnl slalfs 

In lhr Unllcd Stales. And \vllb 

prcss~rrp incr~aslni? fro111 

firorr s , la ronrr Cnnnlllan 

lrrovl)nrcs. I ihirrk it IS only n 

mnllrr! nf llrne ~lnlllillillrd 

nrvcsr! ~vlll hr nv:rll;~lrlr lo 

o~le 1 ahn wnnl tn llnd ou! il 

Kvir srlnl>lrrl r,hlld is f~r~ng 

$$,ell n'nd In ndoplrd cl~llrlrcn 

uhn 'nrr slnlfigllnfi ullh 

..- .. - . .

Uon about U~crnrclvcs lhrougn be yean, 

so th~t thc aaopleo can keep up wilh hls. 

birthparcnts' mcdlcd history and addraw. 

. . 

Many CUB mcmbcrs would 1Ike lo sec 

some fort of syslcm that would allow 

them lo kccp up wflh lheir child's pmgrcu 

a he grows. As It Is now, if a child 

dlcd. the blrthpnrcnt would not evcn bo 

nolulcd. And a fcw of tho more rndlul 

CUB members support open adoptloh 

which would allow the blologlcal parent 

vkl!nUnn richfa with the chlld he ha sirrendered 

lo; ndoptl~n 

. A .. numbcr of .. osvchaladsh -.,.. condemn .~. 

the concept of open adoplloh fearing that 

It would intetfcrc with the Inlenity of the 

adonllve family unll and caus

. , . , , . . . 

hoildks. But 1 remcmbercd hlm on hls 

FROM PAGE El . . first day of school!' . , 1 ' 1 

ller vermod twang befomes harsh ( 

vlsl' sevcral times sl~e that first. and caullonary. "Over the years It gels 

mc 1 lad July. Her daughlcr cnms . worse," she says. "I felt lhnt I wwld , 

In (he hfusscr rcsldcncc and mcl + altrlys hsva lo ca thls Inside. You 

(Ip's husband nnd lhclr four children. carry lhis chlld lnsl '7 e you Jut M YOU \ 

hb. blusser's daughler gave blrth lad did whcn you were prcgnnnl. . . . 

fall. At that point, she said she no Ion If. "Ycu know that part of ou 1s ml* 

u \$-mlcd to see Ms. bluuer bwauie 1 hg. part of you rcmalns r, ack on thc 

\i?~ld coduse her baby loo m~ch.b mrrcnderpaper." . . . 

have two grandmolhcrs. .. One of the earllcsl elemen&' lo bp : 

' 

"It hurt." sald his. hfuucr, "ht I dealt with by a blrthparcnt is lhe pewahonored 

her rsqucsl. It's r rellcf lust to sire sense of unrcallly otaut ndopllon. 

. 

borv that she's alive and well!' She 11 is n birth lhat is a dcath, a moving 

'says hcr dalrghler miry. In a scnre, experlcncc that adds up lo zero. 

reliving the conllicls surrounding her NO visible signs of the adopllon re. 

oun blrth. M ; blusscr hopes they can . maln, no papers. All rceords are sealed 

resume lhclr I lallonshlp some day. in most stales, lncludlng New Jemey 

! any CUB $ernbcrs have had other and New York.. . 

children since, gl~ing one up for adop , yys Barbara Efsnkr of Ncw'Ydrk, 

I 

u lion. Thcy say, however, that hvlne who gavc up a dau hlcr 16 years ago: 

. oUlcts docs not dlmlnlsh Ule sew of "h!y parcnls' atlltu f e was that the baby 

loss over losing one. 

dldn't exlst, the pregnancy didn't hap 

: l%lost blrthparcnls have olher &I- n. Unlll n year ago, 1 dldn't even , 

drcn." says hlary Ewlns, cocoerdlnalor Eve the surrender paper, the only 

of the Nor York chapter. "Ihelr fcfllng piece of paper wllh my name and her 

. h lhal onc of lhs brood IS mlsslng,'un. ,mmc on It. All I had were M!;dy M a 

: aaauntcd lor!' . buby plclurc and name beads. 

: hb. Ewins'a slory is bpical of thb . Says hls. Ewlns, "Thcre is no record 

sldgcs of feelings many blrUunolhcrs go of my son'& birth. To the world, he was 

. 

: lhrwgh. . 

not tarn. 11 Is so bizarre. 1 ask myscV 

! "bly son was born in 19S9," she says. '\Yhat is lhis secrccy for?' " 

"I was 23. You become passlve. You CUB ofllcials say the organlrallon 

u can't bc happening lhat You're does not oller blrthparcnls help in find- 

. 11 your child. Your child falls Out of ing thclr children. But mod birlhpr- 

)mu nns, no lo spenk. 

cnts In the organlzallon apparently In- 

I "Aflcnvards I was numb. Everyone . lend to sock thelr chlldren ouI when 

prelendcd It dldn't happen. I went lo. thclr olfsprlng turn 18, It Is a day the 

: uurk as a nurso In the newborn nuncry flx ihclr slghls on lo gel,thcm ~uou& 

r 

: at Beth Israel lhospilal in New York . long years of loss. ..... 

. Cilyl. I had some sense of laking core 161 the ~lmo I signed the pa. 

of my own child. 

pm I would flnd her someday," says 

"Fmm 1 lo 6 years old, I prelly much' hb. Elsnci. "I tvon't go tn..... 

my grave un. 

Hollcd hlm oul cxcepl on birthdays and 1 . f d h e r . . . . . . - .. 

! . . .: .... ' ..I. ..... *.. 

.,- .-. ...Ll-.-%..id.. -. 1.-. 

.... 

' 

i . 

1 

., 

. . . . . . .-.. . - ..... .................

.. - .-. . - .. . 

,*/,. ,..-..,-". 

,, .< , . 7 

,. ~~..,~,~.~,~.-.~~'~-...,~~..-3.,*.4. 

. -,.. ..-...- 

, , -J . . .,.. .( I 

. . , 

, ' . . . 

, .. 

' ! 

.;! , 3: ,'. I 

. , '. . 

, \ 

CONFIDENTIAL;~HA 

BOSTON SUNDAY GLOBE ' ' Novc.nlDrr ti, 1077 

. . . . 

I 

- ,. , 

... , 

8 > :, : 

I 

i; A Il&band' 

t 

. . 

CONF~U)ENTIAL 

" C,;! ! 

addutio~i 

~ h h 

. 0 I ,.. 

CHAT 

. 

! 

'3 

l . , . . !.. 

, . 

. - 1, ...* 8 . . 

Dprton Globe Tucadny, June 27, 1978 : l9 ( 

i 

. . 

8 .I 

.t.,.!. i , 

openin8. addpiion records 

. . . . 

** 

d, . , 

.,' 

. 

i ,.I , 

, 8 .-. 

h. 

.a, . 

,

I . 

! 

I D 12 The Ssotlle Timar ' 

Sumhy, hbwry 19. 1978 

-j FOR STEPHANIE, the months 

j she spent in the pmgrnm fulfllled.~ 

r the promlse of n new hcglnnnlng. f 

Slenl~anle came to Seattle. and 

i; really need thnt at iliot tlme!' - \I 

r Stenhnnla ltnd been excotnmunl. 

E 

cold lmm the Mormon Church, 

I 

nn nct whlch dcvastnted her. Ex- 

Communlcntlon in not nulomatic

. @ 

, . 

. , 

. . 

A. e J O I ~ ~ Slar, N cottlroller 

, . . . ' Toronto '/Iaunt immoralily' 

In youngrrgcncrntlon In parllcular.. i ..:1 I. ~abbi JOSEPH KELMAN ,' I , . . ; . ! I. 

a ua &lnd Ms Grnnc that no. a ' ' : Downtvlew~ 6 , , . ThcStar and North York Controller 

, 

one can change the bnsle valuo of Creerijj&tjcle L." : 

Ih'amadcd, di8grrat;d'. Barbara Grcene flnunt immorality on 

what la wrong and what Is rlghL Iler d Geelte ~00et~ge lhe lranl pafirs. . 

behavior, by belng proud ol hcr sltub- 'in vewpow ii8te' 

Whal otherado docs nlln.1 us. 

Iton, was hamerul, dlsgucllng and in4 

I am dlsmnyd and dlsgusld at tho . The morals a! peoplc In polltlcs are 

..' I object very drongly la'jour lrnpt .amount 

sulllng. 

glvcn lo Nor, , Imwrtanl; 

. . Page of Barbnr' ore en^ ' York 

.WMIA and nOBEnT YOUNG . ylnj mre~" Conlrollcr Barbnra Crernr. :. . hlrs. C. TOWNSEND 

Is it no@ rcgordcd as samelhlng 

DonMll? ! A, tho parent of rohrft&nagera I.., 

a&brily treatment' . ; . found the rrtlcle tq bs of very paor 

for 

;,:I. WIc, HOW your newspaper could 

ilkgillmole bi,,h 

lower llsell lo obvlaudy condone tho 

The Star ha# accordrd nlebrlty prlnllng.of ruch new4 Is beyond our 

i 

htmepl to North .York Controller comprchenalon. . , 

Barbara Omno'sglvlng blrlh to an 11- , ., M R VAN BE ROE^^ 

, ,:, : ,I !,, 

' kglllmalb baby. . , I ' ' hllols*u(a 

I am notm thrlllnl. - 

" creetw'r ocjions :,' . -:F e:, 1 74 

If tho conception ol pe b;hy war i -I:,; ,.'I. .. 

rce~denlr~, thcn ME Greene la entilled : fdimraging'. , ,, !!-

~ ~ 

1 

Co~ttroller Greene < 

, . , . 

I 

... . . ' 

\' ~. .. 

'Still 

a stigma 

-- thank 

goodness' 

Judglnl hy tho nvmttr 01 lellcn In 

I 

,.' 

+ha ~(llnr In Thr Sar tlm Your 

'hfttch iod la ., - .- . . 

' 

mvrraga of LIU brbara crrmiand 

'to be cornrnended' .. 

bbara, dattgihln 

hrr lllrglllmllr bh, t rm nal ih. 

h nlngla prm4 we have rrd 

onlr one rho Is dlICus!rd 

- 

- 

h Vn rhab 

. wllh a rm 01 udm, U* rpab d Zfilr. 

rlndletlvo and rll.rlehlrw lcllrrs I1 MI. Grrene w*~mproud 01 b r a 

mnmrnlng Darbrra prw'Iduidon =If ahy dld ihs no1 bn Uu bb In 

i lo k p her baby. 

Toronlo lntlrsd 01 id- la mtlmd? 

4 

Ihr harking prrt of lhe Darbira . In no way dm maw imply & we wem tell wlth (he nlghlmarhh Obrlourly Uurm U dil a dlCm* to 

Gmo dory b nd her dcrldon lob, dmrmrnl d ha dsltlon myma. . fwlln lhal wa c~nnol b U*t. havlnl a baby oul d ndbck Uunk 

coma a mok, hul rather Uu mm. 'Uun prlnllng any o k mr ; ln0ntrlo 

pWrIy smy rurmllsa 01 ?ma d tw . llrm memanmdorrnunldw$ .: 

"A,,. .-.-.- -1.1". 

--,.- 

. we would l07& 

ILI lo alter Darbara 

'YdYr hm to 

Grme our hurtlnl mngralulrllom 

chlld may bxomr I rclon prlme 

That a many plo can' bo #a , DO~~NG.~INGD& ;on tho hlrlh d hrr llne baby and We 

mlnWr 01 Cnnadt h man lhm dl* 

narrm.mu trFtmn mo. md 

Wltbn(1bI 

,rlh bolh her and ha drughla tnmh 

(In* Ulo olflra d Uw Prlma hllnlr 

myono tho nolo do lo mldcr 

,' ' .. > joy now and In lhe lulurs 

Kb.lrl~ady I& mt.ld lir dlpll?. 

*.I. glm lhe avallsbll~y 01 aborllon 'tars Ihh ' ;.. ..'I, 

MAIIIONKU4G 

Ym J.VANYA 

and lha pal uproar mncimlng publlc 

. I 

UlUlSE IRlRTlO 

MMUtl 

.rl.l.l.,L-.~~ -.- ....,..-.. 

-.,"-"., ,.,d ...... .....- 

(mmonolon' . , . '.I 

llaoing a hltg 

el~ Fox and hb problems - Uu dsl. A l l mdlng ~ Uu kllrncrllkhfn 

Mdht~Ltd Unlm 

'Ion lo knp bob tho cblld and Uu 01- brbra 0- 1 wu amued lo Id 

TOfDnlO a dally happmr'ng 

llca rqulred more lbrn a 11111b TmloNhdrlU1x~.~.rIghls6u l!~hai -d 10 I mnrmhrr In hlgh rhml a prlal 

lhoufil and Pukurrhlnl) wk rho m!d brobbh aubllh 

who wa lo uy. 'It h IrIUIUy Ihs hld 

MI- o m U lo b mmmrndcd ilrh mllm llra id lub'nd a Chridlan chmllyP' 

or mw*l UUI mate Ur news lor Vn 

lor ha damt, not only lorrrdt hrr blrmhh for rhlch Wy raJd bn lo 1 am horrlfled at lhc low ol many gad are no1 n m Url ars La tb 

chlld. 

-. bul 

--..I.a --- In .- dwld ..- -.- ne . la - dam1 -- un -v --. rrrnl - 

of tha letter8 rctardlw curbra mabrlly - wmmm W- 

io lho bl~oir who mndemn bn In Uu Whv dDnr Urr hn UI. w&m Gma 

~rDbrbly lhb m 

, 9u 11 a clwr kn romm 

. 

* 

' hu a rrrpnulhla ! fr 

- 

r k cm ewlaln 

why unwad conlrsllrr Dsrbara 

omno who r- tan Mrlh hn 

b lo ~ pprt hor Gmd luck to been [lven auch atkntlm by the 

1Pn -he WUI next it, In ~ ol mcdlrunellmanlw 

ploamwd 

Why &? 1Invlng abby b a dell 

Whalsver. tpasd lo w m s bppnlng. ~ust tb b ~r~l 

Bnrbara Gmno ir I hrro ad tb! 

. ., , ;, ,... . , 

Lor 

- , : aulrl~ancimrttyf 

umm La TheSUrl 

1,' ' :. 

puhllc'smndrmrullon bdllwtlng. , 

. . 

b(nSMWRe 

, I . 

I applaud Ml Or- lor her why 

,. !.. . f 

C8,EE . --- 

Toronto 

and admlrablo dslrlm lo.bur md: 

it! 'lfaaray'im ~ ht~wr 

y nnnny 

rrlea M whlb remalnlngslngla '.: Hawah for DarluraGrrd 

's'. 

Slnmwhrn ir I marrlaaerrr(lflola: k gel rnurkd nral & 

Bmhm CmM hlml in England? 

a luaran(rr or a DftrmuUh lor (hei -2 I3 luv.d!Mm mme IYbq. 1lmcanremUnaslobe ulumcd I1 lhere snybody who d d uplll? 

lurrcnful rurlni d a'dW or lor' $c hin chlldm md pihw i;lw 01 ow of bo m& kauUlul and re why U* nann la Darbra Grrrnrs 

Gut mstIor. a irdlnl and 1olfl01ng rrl mirW md mm pop* &d@ 1 wardlng lmdlonr 01 our rulurd druJIkr ha1 L hlrrd La PnIlrnd 

nlatlwp mw rbo love brabchlMrmuadwbp~rmL~ . : bodln? lbvln a bby U a m&l or -ha Uure an mm Uun 1 mlulon 

I 

a snO(hC11 

Tlu ~.~. Immrbnl .~~~ Ulln. h 1k.l th.( ' ! normalcy, to horn wllh prldr ~pl~ycdlnm-? 

I would offer kh G r m u an ic b 6ullh ;;i';&i.hliG , (Irtllng marrkd b a rnlIkm.da 

-1 ILDIUTIA 

Lon 

npbbls eum b lo my chlldrm my =idon dlhe M MJtxt la trlvsnm lokecp e woman ua 

cballrL 

Wlllowdab 

din lhor *JI mow uut uan am. kloplnr 

* I uy, "bmrsy" for Darbrr G m 

many oUa ralld allernaUr;a'lo a i, A N N E ~ ~ I I U D and one slrp lorward lowad blgkr p(, A,,, cm-h lo L,,,,,, 

, marrlmg~arWlote : ?won" rlla.leem 01 wommklnd! NORMA J,WAnE 1eh EBla. Ow lap. 51,lmalo~ 

NAN? a m 

onto MSE l ~d. L.ml WI inklo 

~wcnt. 'Old dllldcr ' ,.. 

, I . . 

~ W ~ ,I,. l W Id nm*. &", md phm 

'A tnotm place " , , , . dlllflarrbhlna" nmbn 01 d-0 shr~ mi md 

' 

p w numlmt rR not b. pblihrd. 

I ,,-",," L. ~ a -.-.rr.. .-.-..-....-. k ,&I ~... I .-.dl1 -- d 

!I ' lisvin~ red the lrllcrr .ll.rklnl 1 rmtriklt~ma ...~~- bul rill tok. .r-). 

The Slrr'a rotrra r 01 narbari p,tm lop.u,. hcwmel th. 

Grwne'a molhuhow! I'm amad 11 ,.,.,p.nd.n~.s mwm. we 1.9111 

I 

lhe many sIIIomPnir lh.1 such mvrr. #hot *. 1-1 OLLW-~+.~O. mud

.~.. 

~ ~. 

.:. 

< 

t' 

Ir. 

h 

> 

,, 

P 

2 

,FJ 

(/. 

'A 

Today's unwed mother is a very daaf$rent peraon 

EDITOR'S NOTE: 'llmcl. 

IhCl 

say. arc chonglng ond wllh them 

Ihe eople. So It Is wlU8 unwed 

mo,Ren. 

Twenty yean auo. Ihc typical 

unwed mother w n a collc e llu 

dent who '.rot in tmub?e" at 

aihoal nnd hid Lo "so away" lo 

hsvc lhc baby. Todq, gtnersll~ 

apuklng, she's younger and 

wanlr Lo keep her chlld. 

Today, in ihe IIlIh part of a 

aeries, reporter Norma Rolh 

Ialka wllh olllclala of lhrce ndoc- 

Uon apneles about the cllenu 

lbey deal wilb now. 

In adopllon. the prerrnlday Solomon 

la (he acrnty, whichrlilndsrr moblrc. 

Uve Judge lor all lhnr prnC1 in the 

sdopllon pmcesr - the nrlural mother. 

the bahy ind the adoplfnl rrcnts. 

TO the sount woman vRo romes to 

them. perhapa In her lounh or lillh 

monlhol pminmcy or Ialtr. the rxenrv 

pmrldca coun~llnl lo help her under. 

aund her rlluallon, la halp her Plan lor 

lho brby'r future. and lo hclp preventa 

recurrence. 

The adnpllon plclun has chrnzrd 

radlcall, in lha pal 20 Yearl. plrUcu. 

lrrly u It relalcr lo lbe unwed molher, 

SKCnCY Olll~l~ll laid. 

"Therypenl girl (who mmer lorhel 1 

has rhmgcd the la11 m years: rr& 

Malor Ilclm Grunnw, dlrtclor 01 nWlb 

&wIcn, oprralrd by lhr SaIvallon 

Army In Wa~wslora, 1Vlr. 

"Thcn.+s had morcrllhcnlderdrlr. 

lhe mllece url who ~olln Imublc. Nn-. 

," -.- ,-..*... 

Anolhrr phenomenon Is the declslon 

by most d lh. molhtn lo keep lhslr 

bsblrs. 

. "Formrrly 15 prr cent 01 the unwed 

mothrn hpl lhrir hrbtea and 85 prr 

cent placcd lhcm."taM the Rev. David 

DCIYV.I. dlw~rrn dlrul~r 01 Calholle 

Sac1.11 SFrvirn. Rwklnrd. "Today. 

lhal's illyllppped." 

"The majortly ol our cllrnla ktrptha 

bab ." bly sstd. "so vs help her llnd 

weI!babr rllnlrr rnd llnanrlal aidr. So 

'Formerly 15 percent of the unwed mothers 

kept their babies and 85 percent placed 

them. Today, that's flipflopped.' 

-The Rev. Davld Denuvrlr 

...-, ...-.-,", 

The olhrr lypr nl yocrnr woman who 

keeps her brby Ir "the older iirl who lr 

not tm hrlzht or has a problem. Ths 

.Irl -..."ha t..ar.'. 

~ 

(Illen. I li6c prrrnls ol lhe ynunaer 

$lrlr who rear #he rh!ld. "The grand. 

plrrnll lnaul lhey bring lhe brby coma brg and baggage. and .e admit 

hem, but I! lhey'ra dumptd lhry allen 

don't adlurl." 

John UcCla erecullre dlreclor ol 

~atho~~c ~ortl7.srvicrs. sa~d. "our 

wmclhina lor her lo lore." she rounsrllnn 18 geared lo whal the need. 

brb~la ..I It olten d!pends nn the re~rtionJips on 

the outride, whcthrr lhey are sup 

wrtlve or non.sUppOrIIve." 

"The pregnancy la a lamlly tnumm," 

rald Beauvals. W" a shock to the 

.~.. Iomlly rysrem. Adalacmn Is a Umenl 

s~cnclis hfparmu. by physiclmr, by erisla md unplmncd pre6nmcy adds lo 

Iho rchmls, by roclal aKmcln and the *r+lil? 

nr8r.t. nomnn.~ 

Counlcllnp in all UIrrerbrncle~, how. 

crcr, slrrsrn lhe wellare ol lhe child 

md rlvrs the molher all lha alle~ 

natlver. 

"Our tslk Is to ark II r e m able to 

help lhrm look mranlnilully at their 

lives and lhelr rituallon." XcClon 

&a,!, Wo try lo give them venwtlve. 

Durini pninanrr lhm'r w much they 

cmn'l a@ downllhe mad." 

"-.. 

i 

vnlr raid. - 

Deauralr 

make the decision 

A1 Omlh wlcer. each glrl Is sr 

Ilenrd to a cirl worker who mrkr 

wl!h her duri u hersUy rl lhe home. 

me work comes on lhe avrrree d 

once a week 1 vlsll lhr parland help her 

dcclde whclh r lo krcp nr rrlrnse lhr 

baby lor ado llm. Sht lellr her what lo 

anllrlpaa r m rbs Uker lha baby 

"They ~molhrrrl hrrr rrrolrrd Jvlng 

UP (he thlld and lhcr don'l van1 to 

rrrurrrrl oIJ wnunds." Dnuran said 

'They dld care and lhty dld bva hlr 

chald. Thal'r almorl always Uu cue:' 

. , a 

FRIDAY IN FOCUS: Not aC 

ways the vlllnlna. 

Rockford, Illinois 

Thursday, Doc. 1. 1977' 

, . ... _... ...*... ._--.,.._. _.^.. ... .- . . -. 

I

- 

.. . 

- y , 

Urn ahdl hadlb m6llaa, 11 Ih-(t 6ltndlnn. sn6ollmdldn't lo, lrlmrr. wvndnl whcnrhr fhwld 

*+w~.wrnu~~"- ldopld dlldtm'l rllm~ la nrd lhru lo knp klrk ol rllhet lh* ~rmUlPr. lrll her2 yrltnld thlld ehn!l hll older 

Nlunl pmu, md lhr (onytmn mI!alhnrdqllr*l~mlb. 1111~. And lhnr .re w,rr ,rmnlnln# 

IlWKY IIILL. Lbnn. IAI'I - A ~ I m n n oadoptla l qmla. 7hb lo mtlhlnl lhsl'o r(l.1." lrmn lhr pnld 01 her rrtllrt ranllnr 

"IP d ran- who 81 nnrdnwlh- "Wbl nmM7 nnu U r)ul b #he uld. "We'm ml imklny lnr Inla. mrnl al I home lot unwrd,nolhen. 

la-r lhar rlllhm .p lcfn6cvlla bnt la lht rhlld." uld Mn. Elmr mallon lo ldtntlh lh* cblld; wr'n ..We mr lhnt. In hhle. lhrre tn 

*** W lull hm rtUl mln 11 *I, n, rho five w I bby daqhln mmrd ihOYlthalcNld!' In pmlld." rhe ,.Id 01 lhll rsprtl. 

st* thlldrm l 1emUc penu, an4 lo yean ,lo. She orld lht lymrln rhmld h nrr. 

Ikl u? 1h.l k mq om mdopUi* Llhe 1.14 the rnrdlnl InlmnuUa mmtrllol W la* lo Itno u mndvlu ,-Wete IP~II~III~ now lhat we, 

pa~mla~pn. 

-u lhr nlat rtul ond lhll wn klwm nrIunl8nP #do llr* pamls ml badpph."#h.uld. 

~ m w t m UNI~ ~ OI*PW pItrnt I~IUI&;I( VF.. .b pmt~do ~ntama~on mrdicll 

mu. nch a mbm. lrtnrrrnttd~ m ~~mm(td LVB', *ppo*l is ' rnblmn an! (hr rhw 8-1 1tc 

mm than httpln: mmbm am* UI. hvr. fate. . . 

2% d U** mMm. mq at.! mhlrm 14 ytul atln mhr prr up a U hid ab* lo t w out htl 

W wml 0 bbh la n n 

11 . 

Wll Ctubmm ton* M m M ~ dmh*ad~~eqUIIm~bkd~..-~~* 

i 

Knlhn lhrn lo Uvoulh Uu i 

l n a p InlmU-." . ' :--:: bq. IUI lh* mlbn rymn mn.1 l e y mud mdw Lhnnrr(1~1 

I- Mnnnkr =I4 IUII LVD':w 1h.1 ln~armuon b the &I#I r*lult~tm~u!lnlma~.n. 

mmbm MMtd mrd nwlh .6rpllrrgtmU.Mn.Mmmk,~Id, Lr tnld lhr annn~rmml would 

md awrd lalhn rb -dl '. - gl. -16 ,Ute .d inti l%Uo. an* bs ,.t)rb~., brmr. U mb 

.'T bn WmhU . . mfdlnl blW. 'y- nlbyrd dd,hlmm uU of prrmla hrd almd cmmt 1 

.., ,... ..I. 

. . . . , 

lamu ptnlautl,, I 

"We hnrt mlr ha ~. uhml - . ~.~ m& ..~,.~. 1 

In ldopt~r. piku.'. ISM. -U.I. 

we do hold iht at lhlnr lh.1 UH 

dqun nnlannd r.ihrlrhlld. 

o&Uul(c 16sld 

cmd)mrl pmbob)mtr lolbn - . VM mglhn 6nc)opd 1 nnllrc She 8 b kUnn 1h.l so? adopled , 

lr#UbUa 11) rhlld - I dlUm Uul rnpllrrd lime l*nW mnla nulmullmll~ 

u mwg cu~trn~ 

.";kldr tT III~~. LVD me& 

bm lau! a b '9. qae mltoott pmb 

*m, Ih. m. h. u- ..--c 

I .Morning Star 

Rorhlwd, lllInol1 

Roglst~Ro~~6lic 

Mondal 

Itor. POP. 18, A9 1977 

i 

& ~ ; ~ u ~ . ~ , ~ m 7 ~ ~ 7 L - ~ L . : ~ z , ' 

Not always happy ending - 

'VJka, is the other Basallf of me. 

I 'We talh every elonth' I IU 

*? 

,.,1.r. 

l.ati,,#,be hads*d ,'l

. Giving ' up 

':. f 

' t . . 

old , . trauma, new, cause 

?* . .-. -...--.-.,-.. ,-, .-. ,-- . 

.. . . . . , - 

:I 

' 

i. ., * N. Y, Times pews ~kriicc 

: '' NEW YORK - They have becn 

called by man nnhcs: natural parents, 

blologlca I' parents, gcnctlcpnr. 

en& and Iately. "blrthparcnls." But 

whatever thclr descrl tlon, thc 

eoplc who gave up the I' r chlldrcn 

Rave becn the forgotten Ihlrd of the 

adoption triad. 

Hlstorlcally, the unwed mother 

has been stlgn~ntlzcd as a promlscuolts 

woman, and tho father who dld 

,not marry her regarded as 8 scoundrel. 

Both kept thelr secret and, wllh , 

, . 

surrendcr, severed nll ties to thelr . 

. 

offspring. 

. Now, spurred by the wove of 

odoptees searching for their or1 Ins, 

blolorlcal ~arents are themse 4 vcs 

P 

s enkSng out and agllaUng . . for new 

r 

. 

ghtr. 

4 

' Thby have thelr own nallonnl as-. 

sociatlon Concerned Vnlted Blrlhparents, 

~ UB; 

! "We are not against the concept 

of adoption but we fell that.we've 

been excluded and treated as babv 

machlnes." sald Lee Campsell, whb 

founded CUB In July, 1976:'s~ a sup. 

port and activist group for men and 

women who have surrendered thelr 

chlldren to adoptlon." It Is not a. 

search group to help parents and 

'- 

chlldren flnd one another. 

' The organlzatlon, which has 

about 250 members, now has chapters 

In Massachusetts, the New. 

York-Northern Jersev area and the ' 

~csn~lyvanla~oulh llcrsey area and 

Is plannlna branches In Bllnnesota 

and - Califomla. 

hlost of Its members are between 

28 ond 35 years old of the gcneratlon. 

Mrs. ~nmobefl. the natlonnl 

pkslilent sald, "who durrendcred at 

a tlme whcn It was still objectionable 

tosublect o chlld to a ltletlme ol baatardy?' 

Because CUB Is so new - the 

New York-Northern Jersey branch . 

met for the first tlmc last month- It 

'. 

records to chlldrcn who have turncc 

. I8 and encourngd blologlcnl porcnl 

to volunlarlly make ovallnblc lnlor 

famlllcs, ' 

But be and thnt, there Is IIttI~ 

ngrcemcnl 

Mrs. ~ampicll, a proponcntoflh~ 

most controverslnl changes, noult 

grant the blologlcal parent a stront 

volce in the cholce of the adopllvc 

couole. . 

Ilies.'in the anst. n lot oi cncrnv has 

been expended 'mntchlngp~i~slc~ 

and ethnlc charnctcrlstlcs: I thlnk 

It's more important to match phllos. 

oohlcs. If the 'blrthonrent' Is adn. 

mant about vlailal~on rlghls, shc 

could be matched up wllh ndoptlvc 

Dnlcnts who don't consldcr the Idea 

abhbrrent. " 

. . 

hlarls Bleschner, secretary 01 thc 

23-year-old New York Stale Adoptlvc 

Patents Commlttce, snld she would 

help her own adopted chlldren seck 

thclr blologlcal arcnts whcn they 

reach the ,age o f mnjorlty. But she 

objected to visitation rlghls before 

that time. 

"Thc adopllvc famlly Is a total 

.family wltholit Including the blologi 

cal parent," she snld. "1f.a woman 

wants to vlslt her chlld, she has no 

buslness placing thnt chlld. Ellhcr 

you're a parent or you're not. It's a 

final kind of declslon; there's no 

chnnnlne .~~~ vour mlnd In the mlddlc." 

CUB memhrs strccscd that the 

had no dcslre to rc.enter Ulclr chll 

., - - 

dren's - llves. 

~~ ~ 

"Our purposc Is not to take our 

chlldrcn oway " ciolcd hlor Ewlns, 

co.ordlnator oilhe New Yor branch 

and a rcglstcrcd nurse at hlouut 

Slnni Hospllnl who ave bldh to a 

son I8 .- venrs PCO. w f en she Was 23 

ears o'ld.~"~he'ndo live pnrcnls 

iavc parented hlm P aken care of 

hlm whcn he was sfck. sent him to 

scltuol shnrcd the joys of hls chlld. 

hood. loved lllm. I do want to mcct 

hlm.'nnd scc the face thnt mi~ht look 

and coun- llkeminc, hut there Is nothlnifor hls 

8 

adopted arenL5 to be frlghlcncd of 

Members n reed that It is csscn- I - I wou~t;otl~y ., hope he'd be closer to 

yd to open leafed blrth and adoptlo~~i Ihcm. 

Z

On 'The puiclful clluic 

'~clo~jtio~t on ullrrt~ali\.e , 

lfavlng rcad ihc Aprll LO Clahc a!\- 

ele "The pninlut choice lor otmrtlon, I 

' am amnrcd to Ilnd how many pfup1c 

,till do not bcllcvc sdoptlon 10 hc on 

alternative to abortion. 

~ o lhnt d womnn who gave birth to 

. "unwPntcJ" twins put lhcm up for 

rdnpllon, It would no1 have "screwed 

.up her 1lfc," she would have not only 

rcllcvcd hcrsclf of thc responslhllltY of 

ralslng two more children bul nls0 Put 

them into an cnvlronmt!nt where they 

would be wanted nnd lnvcd. 

ALLAN P. BALL 

, 

6 . 

Atlol~tiorr 6tlegs~~tli~~g' 

rn rcplj lo Mr. Allon Dall's cn'nlcn- 

' tlon tho1 adopllon is s rensunnblc alternptlvc 

to abortion (Lcttcr,.April 2.1): 1 

do not presume to pass jurlgnlclll ull the 

rlghtncss or wrorlgncns 01 ahortion. Dul 

this much L know: glving Up o chlld lor 

odoptlon is thc most dcgroding, 

dchumnnizing, groluilously pnlnlul ex- 

.pcrlcncc n womnn is cver llkcly lo 1.4~~. 

At the lowcst point in hcr lllc. nI R, 

momcnt whcn blic I3 complctcly vulncrnblc, 

n u.uman ir cx(r1'cId lu hnnrl 0vr.r 

' hrr child to ntrnnpcrs. nnd, llrvcr n~nin 

to see or hcnr of 111nt child.. 

The glib consolntior~: crllvr~*d 11). thc 

' soclnl work prnlerrlofl;~lr itrl: rirnlIly 

unlruc. Timc docs not lrsrrlt Ilir mill: 

It only lcssetls thc 1rl.qucne). of lilc 

altseks. Olltcr clllldrcn drr 1101 rcl11:lre 

llic 108t child: thvy only na:~kr Illc lor: a 

Illtlc lcrs inlolcral)lu 

KxrIII.I: .N ,EAIIY 

Iilnghzn~ ,- g/w f7t 

'1, 

i

Should tlrev be open? 

Wed~~cadny, Junc I. 19i7 

Tl~r I'UST 

IU 

I.a,rrnl~w hlrcusdy ind hrr rvnrth 

l,n"7dii;rIi,7".,' d,*l..,Id.'l I.,\l.I " 

11,. .oI.o, rillcl * ,..

- 

D Posslble damage to chlld cited - 

9 

t : Sorrentinosr'lose bid. for daughter 8 

I ,', .: 

i TRENTON (AP)- TIN 8lrk ~ u p ~ i c 

I 

I 

Family 11o11r nntl irnalrlo~l pnrnrrfs," nn nlr. to~~~pr~r~rry. 

IrrrI irr n s~~rtly 111 25.111111 

Knowing Their Natural 

11rnnclr Irn Ir!ols Is st~nr~~rn~l 1111 III ~lto ~:l~tl~lrc!~~ 111 frr!;lerr r:irrt!, I:n~~slrt!l ~IIIIIII~ 

PR~QN~S IS Good 

lt~or~ln 1 Ink I I I I ~ IIIS 11111111111 II\'I!~II~{I! s111y IS 5.:! !.t!r~rs."11 llrt! 

lor Foster Children 

Icrrfi I l o ;l1111 I AI~III~III~,' S~SIIPIII \ v ~ ~ 111!1 ~ ll!~ ~ l III:~ ~ 1111:1!llr1!r." l SII\.S 

hlosl clrlldrort In fusl~rr cnre wlrtr ro- I'$yr:l~~rlugy f'rrrloy. Nov~!n~lnrr 1!t77). Itr I:crr~slr~!l. "1111tl s~rrl~~trsly IIIII!III~II 111 

oolvn rcg~~lnr vlslls lronr llrolr nnl~trnl I I n tostnrcltnrs A l ~ S1lr11 r I Itrlr~g IIII! rrnlrrrir) p;rrllrrls 111. Illr!ll tllll?r 

I,ntonls rr~nko grcnlnr otrrollo~~nl nnrl so. Jnsnplr Golclslol~~ ntrrl Ilrilislr ~rsyclto. l\trtr yt!nrsq I1 lltc! ~I~I~I!II~S ~IIIII'I rr!.~lrr~~rcl~ 

cinl progrt!ss Iltnn Ilroso wl~n nrc! rrol nnnlysl Ar~trn I'rsrrll nrgrle ll~nl proctr- I cvnrrlrl nrovo lo\trnrtl l~!r~r~lrci~llnrl nl 

vlsllntl, nccordlng lo n nnw slt~~ly. ~lonco al~oulrl go In ilre "lrs)fclr~rl?fllcol llr~!lr rlj:I~ls." 

I)nvitl I:nnsltol. n prolessor nl nrrclnl (rnra~rl," 1110 ono wlrn Invc!s nrrtl g1111It:s 'I'ltr! slrr~l)' r~!v~!!rl~*cl SI~II~III:IIIII I ~ I ~ I I ! ~ ~ 

work nl Colrrn~bln IJrrlvorsily. Irnr:a11 ll~n cl~llrl nlr n tloy.ltr-tlny lr~~sls. 'I'III!). r:lrcr! n111or11: rnr:lr~l RII~II~IS: Irln~:k 111111 

~IIO tlovola~rrrtonl of 024 Notv York Clly crso "cor~ll~r~rot~s cnru" ns nrr ~~[:IIIIIIIII~ 1 lIs11~111lt: t:lril~lrt!~t wlr~t r~!~~rititr~!tl 118 111s. 

clrilrlron ovor n 1lvo.yonr l~criod, tcsllr~g lor rlulck n~lalrllor~. nntl rt!ctr~rt~~ratttl il!r rnrl! It~r ~III! 11111 f1\.1! y~urrs 111 1111* 

wlron llroy onlorod foglor ltonros nncl onrly lorrrtlrtnllorr of ll~o IIIIIU~III ~rnrur~ls' . RIIIII~ 

sIrt1\\.1!11 ~rl~irll!~. IU III*\'I!III)IIIII~III 

11mrr 2I/a on~llvn yonrs intor. Cl~lldrtrn rlgl~ls. 

111nr1 il~nsu rrlr~r ~ I I I I ~ I I I111 I ~ tlrnir 

wlrn woro "t~lgl~ly VISIIOII'' n~ndo Uronl- "Tltoy nrtr lnlrtlly co~n~rtlll~!~l fir 1111! IIIIIII~III fn~~~lli~!s, \\'lrIlr! c:lrlIrlr~!~~, III!\Vor 

goins In vorbnl ontl nunvorbnl IQ: ~~rosorrl jrnrot~l," snys l:sr~sl~nl. "W~IIII trvlrr, SIIIIWI-!~ III~I:IIIII~S 111 IU ctllc!r ?'/I 

r!nrollonnlly. Ihoy lrocnmo rnoro ngroo. I'rn llr~tll~~g nu1 In cll~~lcnl wlrrk is 111111 ,vI!!lrs 811' ft~sIt!r I:II~II. FIIIISIIIII IIIIII~S 111111 

nlrlu. moro rosponslblo, lcss lonso nnd nbsoril pnrnnls lrnvo i~npurli~~~c:o 111r llro IIIII IIII~II~I!III:II rrtrty Ilr! 111 Iltr! rI!nsntr !err 

doflnnl. 

clrild-ho ltns lo ~lonl wlllr ilrenr. ~rlncar1mn~."~\'l1llr!r:lrll1lr11rrnrt!1:0111111~ 

I'nnsl~ol, wlro corrdt~ctod llro sf~rrly tvl~otlror in lnlrlnsy or in re111 liltr. 1:1111. III~II cnra irotn in1nr:l l~err~rc~s. Ix!cous~! 111. 

wllh ilunlcrCollop,o's Ellgono U. Slrlnn, rlron ltnvn lo lonrn lo col)u tt~1lI1 lln\vt!rl lllnlr crwn Irt!lr~r\'lr~r." 1111 snys. "lllne:). 

lools tlrnl 1110 loelor-cnro syslom ~ni~sl gnrtrnls. Evon il you'vn ~trI nrr olcolrolic n~rtl Ilis~r~r~rlc I:IIIIII~IIII II~II ~:IIIII~IIU in 

urgo llro porlicl~~nllo~~ ol nolurnl par- nrollror, 11's bollor lo tlunl wlll~ llrnl III!~:IIII.~II 111 fn~rrily IIISIISII~~S: IIII!~ II~II 

' onfs. Ilo cor~dornns tlro "cnllot~s ronllly." 

r~r~t!rrr!~rrr!sr~c~~r!cl II~~I:;IIISI! 111 irltrts~! 111111 

o~~prooch-llra fonduncy lo wrilo off J:oslur plnconto~~l Is prtrs~~rrtotl In iru nogl1!1:1." 1 It! CIIIII:III~II!S lI11tI OII!SI! c:lrlI- 

-.- . 

.. - .- -. 

,.,.. 

rlrt!rt trrny IIIIII~ISII III IIII! '*~I!IIIIIYI! I 

Court yesterda 

upheld r lower court 

judgc8s ruling kt r tbrecyeu+~d glr~ 

+wld not k returned b b u ~tIJr1l 

: rmta kcruse It would cruse the chlld 

much damam to bs torn fmm her. 

later pmolr. , 

. The court's wunlmous diclslon re 

jected lhe clrlm of Phlll Gorentlno and' 

Cormtance muinl of PPh~dpe, who 

have married ~lnce their suit was flled, 

for lbe return of thclr chlld, Jennifer. 

Mrs, Sorenllno had lven UH chlld up 

for rdo llon rhortly r 

nB 

f ter blrlh in May, 

!Dl4 r later mrought her return, clrlmln 

lhrt me Famlly and Children's 8oclety o 4 

Ellraklh had Improper1 lnflumd her. 

;. dcclrlon bglvqup tb*eblfd. 

y ,LO 

. .g 

In ~cphunk/, 1V?BIi 8uperlor Court 

Jud~ David Furman ordered Jcnnlfu 

turned over to her nrturrl rmtr, uylnq 

Uls rdopllon rgcnc). :'dmgh shodt 

over th* ywng wple. However, M rp 

pcllak judge lhs next dr ordered lhrt 

Jennlfer #lay wilh her r&p~vs prrentr 

pendlng rpperl. 

In r dalslon lut yur, lhs Ruprane 

Court IW Uut Mm. Sorallno had not 

liven full msml In ~urrenderlng the 

chlld to the rdopUon agency, md wan vcv 

crlUcd o! lhc methodl u ~ by d the I~U)CJ 

In oblrinlng ths hby. 

But Insbad of hmcdlrtely restorh 

ha parental rlghb, lhc hlghcourl ordere! 

r new herring an lhe lauc 01 poulhlr 

cmoUmrl drnyfr lo (bo chfld. 

1 ..,I 

' l71c mutt plrd lhc burden of pmof on 

lbe %rmtlnm, not Me foster parenta, 

Wllllrm and Kalhlnn Neblett of Unlon 

County. 

The trlrl udte, Mlddluer Cwnly Supc 

rlor Cwrt J udge John Skwmbos, found 

&ere wrn s attong probrblllly that rend. 

In# the chlld back to lhe Sorenllnoa rfter 

more lhrn U~rm yeara wllh laster parenta 

would cruse lmmedlrte ~erloua psy. 

chologlcrl damn e and Ute Suprema Court 

rgred In ILl UIU I' gned oplnlon. 

'Re court ordered that a lower court 

nopen lhs losler parents' rppllcallon fm 

f l ~ terminallon l of lhe parental rlghta of 

lhe Sorallnos rnd formal rdopUm d lbr 

chlld. j-. I 

' ,, 

I

.. .. -. .- -- -- - 

\ 

,. 

.. . 

1 _. . ,': 

, , , , . '. 

- . -. . . 

4 . 

by RiLa Rwncy 

. I' 

' 

ropleadwhylgmqmlMm Md~~ln8lnlutv197bmdiuws 

10, adoplim. Imnm )nm ih. mh d t h Mnh mnhr and lh 

,yo, dmt was 1111lc ihdcm la apnw'l mpmllblllq twud Iw. 

p1mn1 Imrw. I'm r a the la Andm Cwnq Ikpan-1 

lo lmllnt 11 n s the tlnht hlnn to do. d Adoplla h mt. d mm #wln 

I mlv *hh I had bnn a l l d lo deal ' mr p d n 8 gmvp vrslan la Unh : 

wi~h it rmalmrilv. Intterd. m- molhcn. C- krdo rdih Mu 

tdd me In pul the -1- bthlnd mphdtn. "Ihe mnlvn am m) 

me. Oul nf klndnn#, rm 

- 

prmn ~n rnrrtinl la the pu- d wnlnl help 

fallrd rilh me sboul It. And ail ih. In lor~llngplardrhild~lhnlarrrpt 

lime I mnld dnp.#atelv loulkr the lmor.bilv d &icllngullrrn~ lh mNt.1 nwhm ddmudchlldrm haw lag bnn 11Ipalld. nu1 moll 

htlr O.GXIWR a ~id~1.m dl. ~~lh,. tk @W dm OY~~.( .. , cm d"pll .bout &r dwdrm-u makld h ih. .ba pholwrphand 

mahn, lu, RwIiv m plpr lmpnl.upmmlUln" . ndhm~d-duPmlrlufharhnri*rlhwdnUnnvp. 

*Ilh hrt p,L bul onlv ailu wan d 

untonlmd lding abov~ hm wn hlrhdoilk.lwh . 

dlu~htrn. Yx kmnl. rdng ~m W.1 am Mu d Uns IJdnl PalWffGomun rlwllo pmn hr- 01 1IAT lllkr~l 

Iduratim In Adoplibr 

In ol Mnh la m1ur.D pumn mr;, -Lk.Anhut%mb,.unk4qd~I~.. dl. "I hd lo Lmr I rrnrmhar ramllW. Mlm.apol~b.rd ovn.ni. 

ldnlns lorm 10 ,In41 I -1rnrn~ss hlr .I L a Anldnpqddal+L den 1hh~"Ih.w:'lrmtlochIuno~nd rrllm thala*Ln~ ltdl turdoplm. 

oI~hen.lu*.l m~hnmnd~mmn 10 ih gMn; in d a cNld n pq. W a Job. I w k d had, bah 11 m* ,doplkp.rmnand.lmfhemalpr*l. 

*he m y 11111 b rbvnd rih 6th chnkdd amUllm hk, who lob and 81 malninl- tell- blnhmomm. 

WRI. ' . ' hn rc-auUad a uorr-b itwnpn blml md.i~hnd hr* h ~ h r ~ rIhekhp~m 

q . lnrvm 

rh~Ikpan~loIll~ILIhu~t~m lhhd bod m *-la, M nn W )*.nrih,maI d d olFhilamphir.~.,larrdlo~omole 

and WeIIarr's childrmr h r u mu. Unh molhm in MI phl~ pvtlc. dl* -Ma in." rmmvnio~~m a m p Irr&lluul ad. 

nuln Ihm .I. S miltlm r-d pr I* obum, h.1 ma( don'l mm m, It Ww.1 until Ih. xa$?n 1h.1 htq nmrin. 'LIZ." cnc 01 In kadm. n l s 

urns In lhe UnlldSlrln Ikanlolly, tholhnrw kuu lhnl pn up a mn(d Uu was u d s o b.mm h.1 kr~umc b wlthluldh~.vw her 

II~~I'~Smillhmmnn*hohmplaml rhlld. llw hry hm~rumd lo pu8 h.1 -nl spin and dd gulil, ultnd. .dqtimp.~mnwnuld~n undmlrnd 

- 

chlldtm lor idoplbn. Pdnrkrub In him* InIo ih. lubmmdour L1 Wn she Mn8 pmlM1 Should 0. hnldmnml. 

llr Reid h m aInn km &wnl In It dlm wBm n ih. LrI U) tM1 lrr hnm held OYI .pM mmmtlal 

"pvomllng- h binlo mthn. N a ih. '.billv to ' Whm rmc her Wn. no*! lbd hr* Mmt fifit hostility 

moth=n.nwingthqdmlwan~po : kdvMmwdNwterulu*lthr~ 1amd.dhal Sbc duw. "lhcrc 1, Irmmdan 

mllm. !%*I lhq do wan1 h dc.u In her ow. pmwm sultd bull&n. *I1 umn sltm~ 

but I dddl mn amounl d hatilltr dinnd 10 *owm 

l ~ n m ~ k l ~ ~ o l i u l i l ~ c . ~ I . A~ nld 

d .flu y ih. Unh d hn Lmr 11 lht w e lol~lk. NO m *ha rln up hbln lor rdwtion. Un- 

111v nnl tMr rhildm lo Lmr tht drvlhln h 1954. I1 m ih. lad then idd me I had a 1Ih11o thrl Id-. lonumldy, much d 11 come Irnn 

cam. 

hidl uhm( @dl lo h 3 8 lo dub% Urn I all Lno* I rovld hrr m pan adqllre patmlsul~o~~rldl~d lo 1111 

Sndv lad hn Rnl opn n*nh in tMr 11- I war wppanl lo lam blrllt mnhit ,.wince. hml pople 

*ha* Wmd I0 uhml and a( a ~~~IMlhon."Ih~ hnilnr.kamd alopl a child k a 8 ~ 

In mrm wnl of lhe mlw. mbp lmrrfmn hn dubpnkknl dmud hnWm~nlo~~thr,andrhchr~rt(l. In dopnalim la ilv child thn *ml 

11- ~~~lnk~l~l~. 

Ilm lrmrln hm k ~i~ 10 w m d 10 blJ* lafdl )r, mmhenhlp -Id tm a he*, krpt h the ~hoge.m* Lk, In. u, much. &or dten la11 la undcr,land 

the rrth d blnh pmn n* 4111- "I 1-mrd ",I 1h.L 11 I wmld lo dicalln8.h.*ouMlik.*k(lrihtl+m l)n Mnh modn'~ real molhalion.' 

drm3 llomt kkq 01 Mi-a m sunk, I had lo lcrp my pnl hiddm. 11 mr rih 1) P#obabl) the mat rrlirr 01 111. blrth 

m d tk ~ I I O ulrr w.8depUm Al a mull. I lhd la *can ha wcm "mi!," a mnnbcr d #he L a hpln iml nmup 11 N o ~Cmcnnd 

counullo*~ Marlnta S-. dlmlor rnlddmymn:'Ih.mlb. covnv m p ~h. w.nn to -1" . ~ ltrd Bdnhlwtcnlt). nallnnal ory* 

sl lk prolrrm, rrpall that r oubtlq Shrm lbnlnglm 01 SL hul. Mim, a m kauu hn ldm~lq*ould zatlm 4th orilm m thr Ir.1 Coi,~. ' 

ollh. hlnh mthm *hour(. mmd. was 17 rhm ,h p m Mnh ma lar hun her .,to# pln~,. rrmn. -cnw Like 11s mmlnprt$. CUA pto,lJc$ tap 

In1 Ire lhou *I,@ plmd rhildm No1 unlil ha WI 4 malh dd ..arM om apdauds !he rdqlln prmlr BUI mllms lot rnnm *lo lad 

lhr la, 

wn blom.Thqmme lannnwtam. J*$lm tdingul8mmf pmn. lr*h.rcmn~Undmnllo~thU~h bl a child lhvavsh ndqllm. 11 is alto 

and dlrnll~. Sowe hnc mm ldd "All h.1 llm ha wrs h a law m~hn*hourrlnrdhr~mId~~p imolml h putlainn 1~1,lrlim k~ding 

lh~rhu~band~.Agrencr-Inwq hom.."Ih.oplllmlnnlWy.hh , m hr child mlghl h m a dun. la I lo m nrhmgc 01 inl~,~mtim .mag 

rlwl whnk lo tell 1Mr Mldrm. , m day. and I knew I had m dP(rr ~IIU Ills." .dc*llon ogmun. N m ol ih. R~OYIW 

llw sutms d the MI- po butloW.Allmad.lnn~haand Atamd ~h time adoplim pdo ilvc *wl,lmre 1" m e n ,ratrhlnn lot 

l~1mhnpmnpld#lnvinh16~1~ln mltkd hh Unhhv In Mark m my #mrls hpn pmrldln# ramding rhltdmn. As r CUB 1rrd.r r.plalns. 

lorkMn.~t~shelpinbnlop(ng 

Ilmiiatunlcn.h~rul~llml.lh . tmLllmatalth*Mal~md thrmvlm *em lormln# ull.hlp wd. We wan1 lo b p.81 ol an n. 

Chlldrml Wellam Lap d +dm O hnt -a&'' . ' gmup hlvO'Gomun 11 r d d r 

cunfinucd 

- 

. , r*lmdrr.. . . W Mgol poblrm wm vrrlm lw binh mnkn -m *Ilul'~*I*~~lpllU~thpr~ml~~m 

. . 

* I 

4- L

lmdnl lrmlly, Ilks ~undparrnl. WI 

81" ml Idnn le nplar. 1h9 6doplM 

palcnl*.' 

Adoptlm Ivrdal ale unlt~l In IMI 

lrllrl lhll I1 h tlma lor r rmrul h 

rlllludo lawd unwed moll*thmd 

Shanmn hUNanlm, rhld 01 fmlb 

and mmrnunlly vnlrn far Unul. 

@a, nu1 1h.m ha1 k n a svbd. 

I-llrh from ihunnlnl a -4 -n 

kauu ihs nm pr.lnrnl m shunnhg 

her Imruls h l r h ,&pllm lw 

her (ub. She up ~IDL today are Ixl 

m mnrmwl ~ pm"W 1- IN pm 

lo Lnp thrlthahlrr 

Dr. lotmky rlalns lh. Itend d 1- 

r#m kwlnl brblrr rnl@lrl rhnm If 

Ihs rnollvtl *n*rllDnd lopankl~h 

In sm .hlla. Ih rlln nvmrmn 

uur in whlrh m unwed molhu kt 

$lad he -Id dntr h.v &lld fw 

.dmllm ll.yu,.lim warn7 rlndar. 

Its ldnnls plan allminl lha b!nh 

rnolhn mutlnul rlBB dnd Inlanu 

Ilm aboul hn brbv. Iearln. hn run. 

man blndln. lhrn tha dl mnlr~n' 

mull rm,d;ys-n, mmd& 

In* Ih. bnl lvtura lor her &Id." .' 

*an brlon. Sheadd#: 

.?I *auld b. *mdmful I1 I& sdnp 

cln pa~mlv, who .realm dI.11mc hlJt 

rhm t k #el thdr babl. -Id 

rom. 

rnunlule wllh lh. hllth malhtt, wha 

h n m rU.Nm.la. ralibh r kwer in 

or .wrl nl. that *ouldn'~ b. ,116. 

forwamhvlrwldbalhn~Io(Ih.~l. 

urrl malher vlvn ihn nn(l a Lm* 

ih. meda lh. dsht ddskm.. 

hly In #ha pall for mn thmulh 

munultnl h m *am a sewp 

Ulrm ilnalng~m no lane# MII*~. 

ton's U#thdav In black. lml.rd tN&* 01 ldrn;* la 11 lndar, nat n * 

m dm. 'lk was 16 ,umllt.' w 

Ul&. "I tbnhl ol hlm trlann hh 

ant dhw'l lkmw and lcll 1 IIIlIe I*. 

palhbllm they dld $0 MI13 lh Wp 

d .ch "lk. W". .!,la in llnl~dlht 

hm*n d ulrr. ol1n.n rt- hm 

bm IhvmJI #be uma mL.1 Wt 

lhrm ih i~ven~lln lo ulllrnrtdy I*. 

lamb and Llrnd. lhev'utll olhn w 

ut wunullnn ibroud~ locrl rdmm 

vunn or uil.hellt~ou~ In thnr 

.mar CUB. 1h. mlr o#nanlrrllm rih 

nun ~wmlly I1 hn hutltand ' d l 

be .mbr~tnud h pvbllrrllm d h, 

ma1 nmr. J* irptld, hmbd 

h lhe m who undemml rh. I had 

10 lo brtk In ilma I7 ycm la rn 1c.n 

I wm'l ~lld to oy tho. If, -'I 

b. rm(un.,,ed.- 

W-whaplarschlld~mlot 

Um & rv fa ihrlildrm, but prham111 

Ih.Ilm.dW~lh,Indm~~k 

mr wl loud. P

.' 

8. - 

- Reunion oh a South Paciiic Isle 

. - . . -. - . 

lo m ~ nhlm l m lohnws chlldnn- 

6n.m gra~thlWrm. ', 

Ihr ne.1 drr Duun dnldrd h1 fir 

. .- 

lh cNldnn at h th 

"Id dtq 

mhl~dlno*(nRlhdrfk. %m h.n 

1*o d~adn latn, nw d tkm--na 

In Ihdr n+ M- h.* I do. 

*N1101tmmluya-nt10*m, 

dr&, lh* tdd me m nw Irt-I ~WI to 

~k itland, nm thovgh -I an at. 

rbd Wlh rfuldrm M W, ow. And ' 

Illn,lm h.'umhk& 

- 

A lrhlll,n 1.lh.r d bn. hrr nud. 

t h cmnmlm Wlh H m, 1.tk. a . 

lomet US. rho hn &, ' 

~ly~~krmld~~mbuthtdhhm 

md hll rhlldmn ila b lk WmI 

Slatn la a hrpm 

lb a.,rrrl

up lor a&pfim. 

hill. VILLtGkS rtrtaly 1m1 a note lo 

Woman tells why the drp.rlmen1, u Slln~ her record, nnd . 

ldica~lng they rougapn hrr lilt lo lnync 

marln~lnpulry. If krrhlldrmwrtr trylnl lo 

she gave up lld her. sk wrnld lo mahe lhdr Job t8IY. 

q . , . 

L.SI year. I41 patent, llrr Mrt, Vllle~ls 

r~mnlrcrcd lhcdepnlmml. 1.0lhlldl sald 

~hty wet. *.lllln~ lo he ielchrd by lhelr 

her 'children 

thildtm mdlnrlhlrdfi~l srkrd lor lnbrmr. 

tlm. ~llbul Iprcrnl rtrr thrmolhcn. 

By MIRY SIIOEL ' ' DKIUIP 01 her MI% D~sllmml Dl Adop 

llbnr -111 mrker Joan Pdrm callnl Mrs. 

--- Vlllc&ar In Drrrmtrr. 

~~ 

VIIIF~B would slm 1y inher no *hen MIS. PUdl~n Wlt Ibll 10 plorld* %ptiflc 

anyont .she4 11 thc Rsd chllbrrn, brrrulr In!ormnllm rhavl there MIS. \'Illqas' rhll. 

1h81 wass&dct than enhnlng Ihcrlplnllav dten hrd heen plnrrd. mmclhln8 ml .vllll. 

01 tv 111e. horror or plty lhat came whtn bB (0 blrlh p,rcnlt In IW. The rdopllvt 

she o;Pl,~l the twh. 8uI ih~ 

tIn.lly d w l ~ Iathcr I7 yerrt a&" *as r l0yr.r.nld lanyer; 

the mother rat a collclt ;r1dualc rnd 

Inn161 knhd,, bin& "lrmlnllu" nnd "I 

en rn.rn.X.,!' 

he hts m tien lhem tlm. 

Mrs. Pdlon also lnrllcd Mrs. \'llIr~It lo 

~d. , 11 age 41, the -0rks lor a Long Jdn I mr c~nty.tanultdram~elln grarp 

Bench brm I S a snlamm rllcr rrrllct rllnts btlna lormcd lor birth molhttr xto had 

lhwa .I bmkkttpr md produrl mlnller. glvtn up lh~lrchlldrm 1or.daptlm. 7hll lrin 

she it rrlllng brr slow. sh+ wid, h u e the .ddlllan lo lndlvldval ram,rllnt the drpm 

wanlr ppls 10 undcrn~nd rhy 1 woman men1 p~ovldrs rllhl charge 

'urnlo .--.- .,llnaul%h. . .. 

her ~hlldrm ad rhll rhe "WE FOUND IT rat n rmd ldr. lor lhra 

gm ihrwgh. 

hahers lo talk rllh rar6olhcr abwl lhclt 

She 1s ,110 irylng la help lhr Lor An~clcs rxlxrlrnm." blrs I'ahmnnlrinnl. "ThrY 

Couny arp~rlmcnl 01 Adoptlon'r N* rrrv 

Irr 1-r wnmm rhO have w t lhtll children

\ , - , 

...' 

, , .:, ;,:, ..C" 

-0;q 

' i 

.. .- 

! A 

' .. 

* .. -: 

>. . 

I 

he asked. 

. . 

I . , ' 

I ..1 

/ : 

! 

.. . 

;, . . . 

. . . 

't , 

, t . 

I ,. 

naled." 

IICYNTHIA LIE , It that haa not happened, Connie and 

*mow wit., 

phi1 would rmaln Jennller's parents un- 

. 

der ~les of lnherltanee and they would 

ome in fie future apply for 

cua~," Chub uld. 

I ' 

of lonu. . . 

' 

MRI. MCFMUND 

Was a and 

- "lr '"* rrkasd ' 

a long time ago has beams an working at the 8wjtchboad m- 

0b8eaa10n Mr8. Mchrland. It hag . munition base, ahe met a charming hfa. 

"" her yearn or hard dl8~In~~ 

aws a)UIn A de wran, ah. 

,,, ,,,, their .Uhdm, 

, , 

numetous phone calls, letters end trlps, MCthodLs,mlnla,er,, 

S~l@Joworth of prlvale detective wo* and . 

son. 

expcn~s to coma up with a.flrst M ~ B . "1 was lo Ymn old In my mid, j 

and two plctui~. 

. 

, . .'. lm~ulsive person, but I was 22 by years, 

sat Mrs. ~crflr~ond cline6 to, s Mi' emotional ~ hare d *U( development wasn't whpt 11 

The sOclal Service. 

.. 

of* Fort :,tier 

aayn wgretlully 

th*ac* Il1dI@d the turn* 

before 

harantact l 111~ ndo~tive pdr . gro~mother ( and ah kmen , , 

mta. But far. the daughter allc'a trying ; a l had nolamlly undea who ralscd ho 

dflperalely lo reach does not seem lo . , , 

want lo reach her. . . 

' . . . 

lo tval;o,,,, , 

hn%lwd on Pap,, 2~ 

, 

~p.,,- 

(.b~?.Lbq 

5~ pi RCh 

S~~,=RI~& LILT . CO.L;TW~ 

- 

i 

53 2

- . ..--. . . '..,.&"::I , I ' 

' 1 Is .de~gIiter:.,~..l, 

'.. 

! Ilapyy, thriving? 

/ 

' 

Dcrr 1 For Me-Yourleltcr 

war such r comfort to 

: me. In the past flve years, I 

f' have wondered 80 vcrJl of- 

. ten rboul the preclour llttle 

r onc I released fbr rdoptlon. 

' Knowing the lovd you feel 

. Ior your daughter helps me 

: to hope lhst rht, too, la 

C "happy and thrlvlng:' 

i 

It takes courage md con- 

1 fldence for an rdopllve par- 

, cnl 10 b~lkvt, ID YOU d~, 

1 that 4 re-unlon would be a 

: poaltlve and .gfowlng experlcnce. 

.-.. . , . 

\ 

I would welcome such an 

; 

t opporlunlly. More than wcl: 

I, come, hope for It. I ' 

# 

,' ' As I fcel the warmth of a 

lovlng husband end joy of n 

new son, my mlnd la moro at 

'1 pcacc for your sharlng with 

me. Thank you. ' 

t; ' Brlght New Day 

j 4' 

/L $ / ~ :d.* i f-6 ~ ~ ~ 

.Rear JebbcrLvocky - 

,.'.Your lellcr nbout your adop. 

i tlve chlldren and your Iccl. 

: Il)gs, toward thclr nnturhl 

i pnrcilts ~ascd my hcnrt a 

' grcat den!. 

I 

1 :. 

I'm one of those biologlcnl ' 

moms who sllll cnrc., 1 very 

much earc. 

The parenla of the aon I 1 

plnced In nn adoptlvc homc : 

n llltlc over two yenrs ago 

hnvc klndly consented to 

contlnuc to glvc mc occn- 

I alonnt lnformntlon. 

Through thc odoptlon 

agcncy, 1 reccfvc pcrlodlc. 

: nssurnncc from hls porcnld 

, about his development nlid 1 

might add, about thclilovc. 

' your lcttcr soundcd ao 

kind and open that I can't 

help but ask It you would 

hove or would now do some. , 

thing along those llncs. 

It's been a grent consolo. 

; tlon (though not nlwnys lo- 

i 

tnlly'pnlnlcsa) to me and I 

wondcr how you 'nnd other 

! Chnl rcndera feel nbout thls 

us It's n glant step beyond 

the mccllng 21 years lnlcr. 

'I Want Screnlty For The 

World

1 rcmcmhr whcn 1 slancd tho 

papers rcilnquinhln~ her (whlch 

beomnl tho best solution since I wnn 

unmarried, tho fntl~cr wnan't) bow 

hungrlly 1 bcggcd for lnformntlon 

nbout tho klnd of homo tny dnugh. 

Icr wna going to. "Profcasionnl peoplc" 

was tho reply. 

"Whnt klnd?" I wnntcd to know. 

"Tho fnthor could be n doctor or 

Inwycr, the mother n nurse or n 

tencher!' 

"Whlchl" I nskccl. 

"I cnn't tell yoa," she snid. "nut 

rcmcmber, Limo hcnls all wounds." 

Not this one. 

I hnvo some lt~formntlon. 1 know 

she wns horn nt 1 :23 r.bl. on n fino 

aprlng dny, thnt she cvelgbed four 

pounds, four ounces, nnd anent the 

first nevernl dnya of her llfo in an 

incuhntor. 

Thnt mny not sound llko much, 

but n few fncta ore nil I hnve. 

And so I listen to the stories of 

ndoptees. I'vo tnlkcd to n hundred 

or so. I'vo rend tho studlcs in tho 

paychologlcnl jnurnnls, perused the 

books, interviewed tho reacnrchers. 

I've cnllcd long distnnco to Lon Angcles 

nnd Cednrcdgc, Colorndo, 

wharo reaenrch--or scnrch-projects 

nre undcrwny. Whnt emcrgcs 

Is the concept thnt ndoptcea, whethcr 

or not thclr ndoptlvc hon~es urc 

hnppy nnd loving, ain~ply hnvo n 

bnslc need to know tholr roots nnd 

the story of their birth, And whether 

the story is pretty or not, tho reunion 

joyful or strnined, it nt lcnst 

nnscvcra tho questions. From there 

they cnn bcgln to mnke pcnco with. 

in themselves, to build n lifo thnt la 

uniquely thcirs, thnt shows them 

how. nnd tvhcro they fit into the 

timiless cycle 01 life. 

Whnt do I heor nlong tho 1vny7 

Paychintrists any thnt ndoptcos 

hnvc special identity problen~s nnd 

hnvo moro frcc-floating nnxicty 

thnn tho rest of us. Tho hcnd of 

n hfnnhnttnn drug rchnbllitntion 

conker for youths cinims thnt n 

dlsproportionnto number of hcr pnticnb 

nrc ndoptcd. One soclnl worker-ndoptod 

hcraolf--connects nlcohollsm 

nnd ndoptlon In her 

mnster's thesis. A psychologist ten. 

tlfiea thnt tbo 40-yenr-old ivomnn 

petitioni~~g tho court for hor rccorda 

draw n treo without roots when 

he tcstcd her. Tllo president of one 

of tho ndoptcca' rigl~ta orgnnlzntlons 

obscrvca nn nbnorn~nily high 

parcontnac of hornosexunls nt the 

nlcctiags. I cntnlog nll this In 

rnndom apnces 01 my mlnd, n 

compendium of lnfor~nntlon usoful 

perhalls only to nle nn~l n few mil. 

lion others; my nlstera are the fivc 

mllilon nnturnl n~others nnd thcir 

five miillon chlldrcn nnil tho sotnewhnt 

smnllcr nutnhor 01 fnthors 

who are nwnro they nrc lnthcrs. 

Then of course, there nro tho pnr. 

cnts who hnvo cnrcd for thcao chil- 

, 

dron. And I think nnd wondor about , 

my dnughtar: 

Is she fins? 11 the doing tueli in 

rchoolf 

Yestcrdny evcnlng I held in my 

hnnda for tho first time tho honpltnl 

recorrls of my prcgnnncy nnd 

dnughtcr's blrth. I lcnrned thnt my 

prcmnturn dnughtcr'n cry wnn 

wcnk, her skln tone jnt~r~rliced, her 

tempernturo unstnble for tho first 

week, thnt she lost wefght before 

811s stnrted gnining. And then I re. 

cnll rcndlng n nowepnper colun~n 

eolno monthn ngo nlrout how lnfnnb 

In incuhntors fnro hattor whcn their 

mothers nre nllowcd to spend time 

with them, cven though n plnstlc 

box sepnrntca them; to be thcro 

when thcy open thclr eyes, to coo 

nnd tnlk to them nnd slmply nct 

loving. 

I ccar not there. Men nrlpn, mcu 

culpn. ' 

A chance comment, n ncwspnpcr 

column, tho lorsytl~ln bloomlng 

when sho wns born-nll of thcsc 

burrow into n memory thnt docs not 

qult. Tho signing of n pnpcr may 

hnvc nullined any lcgnl rcaponsibilltien, 

but thnt nct cnnnut nuliifx 

my feelings. 

Tho senrch for origins usunlly 

boginn in ndolesce~~ce, whcn any 

child trica to eatnblish nn idcntlty 

of his own. It la comnron for mnny 

adolescents to imngino thnt they 

nro ndoptcd-their renl pnrents arc 

certnlnly more exotic or wonderful 

thnn those rnthor ordinnry peoplc 

in the home-but lor most, illusio~t 

In rcplnced by rcnlity. Soclologlnts 

inform me thnt for my daughter, 

the missing informntlon becomes n 

pcrsonnlity lr~~ilding lrlock tllnt aimply 

isn't there. So tilo ncnrch-or 

flxntlon with fnntnsy-bcgins ns 

she tries to lntcgrnto her nnturnl 

pnrcnts Into n rcfcrenco of whom 

she is: n person with n hcritnge 

nnd n post belonging solely to her. 

And when thnt knovrlcdgo is not 

l~~rthcoming, sho in llkcly to experi- 

.nco n dimculty in intcgrnting hcr 

personality--or nuch intcgrntion 

mny bo precnrlous nnd llkely to 

cailnpae.under atreas, sccordlng to 

John Triscllotls, author of In 

Search o/ Origins. Mnny ndoptece 

mnintnin thnt full nnd complcta 

knowledge of tholr nrst pnrcnta 

would hnve helped them to undcrntnnd 

thcmaclven and other pcol~lc 

better and possibly foreatnll thcir 

sulrsequent prcoccupntlon with tho 

first act 01 pnrenta. 

Tho Amorlcnn Acncfemy of Pedintrics 

dlscusnc~l tho nnnlc question 

in n lrosition pnllcr five ycltrs ngo, 

r~uting tl~nt "Dctcrt~~inlt~g l~lcntity 

Is n ~llfflcult proccsn lor aomconc 

brought up lry 111s nnturnl pnrcnb: 

It la morn complex lor tho l11d1. 

vidunl whono nnccstry la unknown 

to hlm." 

It in ~cnernlly ncce~~lcrf thnt n 

ntrona ncnso of self in pnrnlno~lt~t 

to the ticvolopt~~ct~t of n strong IIIIII 

functlonlng lndlvidunl. Erik Erikson 

hnn devoted much 01 hls llfu to 

cxpiorlng thin theme; Ilc vcrbnlizca 

tho need to understnn~l ono's 1110- 

logicnl lrnckjiround. Erlknon himself 

wnn ndopted, hut wns, ncvcr 

nblc to locnto lsla fnthor. 

Ynlc psychinlrlat nnd 11uthor 

Robert Jny Liltan comn~rnln thnt It 

Is critlcnl thnt the sppclfic cnnncc. 

tion-tho nctunl i~nmcs-be revcnlcd 

to tl~a ndoptee. "If tho 

ndoptec ncver finds 111s or her pnrents-or, 

nt the vnry lcnat, thclr 

nnmcs-hc or she gocs through life 

with an lnnl~lllty to devclop intfn~ncy, 

which cnn sprend to otl~cr 

relntlonshlps!' Lifton is mnrrled to 

on ndoptee. 

nut the rescnrchcra often nnd 

thnt tho ndoptcc Is reluctnr~t to 

shnrc 111s questions ~lth 111s pnrcnts: 

will they thlnk I nm rcjcctln~ 

them, tho ndolcsccnt wonders, nnd, 

if thnt is tho cnne, will tiley ther~ 

reject rile? And so be or she wnits 

[or the ndoptive pnrcnls to III~CII~R 

tho n~nttcr; tho nrloptlvc pnrct~ts. - 

h 

often besct with thcir own fcnrs D 

thnt they will "ionc" their cl~il~l, 

-, 

usunlly prcfer tn llclieve thnt the d 

chlld's sllenco menns dinintcreat. a 

.+, 0 

Psychologists xvho work with 

ndoptcd chlldrcn bcllcvc otherwise. 6 

"Wc nlust nssumc thnt every 

ndoptctl child is in senrch of nsdlllc 

the renl mother;' snys Dr. Zcllig 

Bnch, n school psycholofiist In thc 

New York nrcn. "I would qucstlot~ 

somcono who wnsn't curious. Thcrc 

nrc few things in this world tint 

nrc not interchnngenble, nnd tl~ls is 

ono of them. Evcry hun~nn being - 

hns n mother nnd n fnther, nnd It la 

nnturnl to wnnt to know who they h" 

nre." 

As fnr nn one cnn doterntine, otlly 

in Finlnnd arc ndolcsccnls nblc to 

rcceivc inlormntlon nbout their origins, 

cven including the nnmo of tilo 

n~otl~cr nnd fnther. The mnin ndoption 

ngency thcra, whlch plnccs 

fewer thnn 300 chlldrcr~ n yenr, provi~lca 

ndol~tces of nny age with 

bnckground inlormntinn nbout tl~eir 

trlologicnl pnrcnta. Often, the ndop. 

Llve innrent vlslts tho ngellcy with 

the child. .Tho long.tlme ~llrector 

of tho ngency reports thnt thc 

sorvicc sccnla to hnvc hccn 01 Infinits 

benent to tho uacrs withnut 

dnmnga to tho other partics illvnlved-tho 

ndoptive pnrcr~ta nnd 

thu nnturnl pnrenta.

pnrcr~ts nrc nlwnys under prcasuro I rccogt~izc In hcr voice the anme 

to prove Lhcy nre pcrfcct pnrsntn. 

nhnky gro1111t1 of gullt nnd sorrow 

Thcy bcco~nc overly ~rolcctivc, on which we llvc. Llkc me, nhc 

overly nn~bitious for thcir cl~ildren. 

cllnaa to the fcw fnct~~nl dctniln of 

In tl~c cnd, thcy cnn't help being 

which we nrc surc: ngc, weight, 

disnl~polntccl. 

Limc of birth. And yct thcae chil- 

"Thcy nrc nfrnld of rcjcctlon drcn nro morc thnn nmorphoua. To 

nlso. Dccnusc thcrc in no hlood kt~ot, 

us, tl~cy nrc rcnl. 

thcy hnvc tl~e accrct feeling tbnt 

Oncn you stnrt tnlicina nbout it 

tho psycl~clogicnl knot cnn bc unticd 

openly, tho pcoplc who nrc in this 

nt nny Lin~c." 

trnp wit11 you sccrn to come out of 

I nnk Hctty Jcnn, nomconc I'va 

tilo woodwork. A rcportcr interknown 

for ycnrs, if she consldcrs 

viewlnn mn In All~nny, n friend I 

hcr own ntioi~tlon succcssf111. "Thc 

once workctl with on n nc\rapnpcr, 

ccm~nonity tvoultl sny so. But I 

puts down hls psncil nnel pntl nncl 

snys: "Tho snmo thing hnppencd 

to my sister. I don't know how ahc 

fcels nbout it bccn~~sc she's never 

qucnlion whctl~er thcro la renlly nny 

tnlkcd nbout it." Another rcportcr 

'rvell.ndj~rslcd' ndcptec." 

who's writing n story nbout me 

Shc is Lnlkit~u oholct nty dn~cohlcr. 

I cnnnot hcii~ it, my CYcs fill with 

cnlls bnck for more Itlf~rmnti~ll. 

tcnrs. It docs not n~nttcr thnt I tell "I cnn't hcllcvc it," hc anyn. "I told 

~nysclt 1 nrn n writer, nn obacrvcr 

tho womun next to mc what I wns 

of thc sccnc, thnt I bnvc gono over 

working on. nnd sho snys she's It 

this ground mcticulo~~sly nnd so 

nnturni n~ollrcr too. 1 ncver wculcl 

811nny titncs. hnvc thought it!' I confi~lc Illy 

Uctty .lcnnln cn~pnti~y fllla the 

story to n new frlcnd. "Oh my 

nlr nnd surrounds us. We nrc in n Cod," ahc snys. "hle too." 

sitle\vnlk cntf an hlnnhnttnn'a Went 

Whnt 1 rncnn by nll this is thnt 

Si~lc, clone to the npnrtn~cnt where 

nrc pccplo who nrc nn norn~nl ns 

Uctty Jcnn liven wit11 her husbnnd, 

rve cnn be. \Vc hnvc pone on to 

Tlobcrt Jay Liflon, nnd Lhcir two 

mnkc ncw livca. But we n~nkc them 

children nnd dogs. It is n wnnn 

tvith the children in our minds. 

spring evcning, nnd the sun is going 

down. Everything is flushcd with 

Whnt nlrout the rcunions? I'rc 

goitl. 

l~cnrd n lot of stories: 

-- ' DctLy Jcnn snys silo thinks thnt "I fo~rnd her In Knnsas. When 

thc most dnmngcci lo the nnturnl . I cnilcd shc snid 'Whnt took YOU 

n~oti~cr. "Adoptioa is tikc nn nnliruso 

long?' Cnn you hclicvc thnt? I 

tntien, for tho child wns n part of 

111ct hcr i~uahnncl nnrl my hnlf alstcr 

hcr physiologicnlly. Sianing tl1~8c 

nnd brother when 1 went out thcrc. 

pnpcrs must bc iikc n clcnth ritunl. 

It wns wondcrtul to Iccl that there 

i Anti thc pnin trnun~ntizes hcr wholc 

I 

was n fntt~ily I wns connrctcd to." 

life, n life sl~o in cxpcctccl 

... 

to build 

"Thc strnnyc pnrt is, nfter I 

upon n accrct." 

met my mothcr, I felt closer thnn 

I nln not kecl~lng my sccrct vcry 

ever to nay otl~er moti~cr-the one 

well. Two ycnrs ngo, I testincei In 

who rnisc~l ma!' 

court for n wolnnn sccking her 

records. Sincc thnt dny, I l~nve nppcnrccl 

on tolcvislon, written nlngn- 

"Whcn I a~ct her, we Kern like 

zinc nrtlclcs, apokcn to groups of 

strnngcrs. But cnn you in~nginc 

ndoptivc pnrcnts, hcndcci pnnein of 

looking for tho flrat timc in your 

nnturnl mothcrs for nudiences of 

life nt n~~othor fncc which rcsclll. 

ndopteeh, hcrt~ on the front pnl:c of 

lllcs yours? Aflerivnrris, I went 

Tha Nnlio~~ul Obacrvor nsti tl~c Op. 

~1101V~ing to act n prcncnt tor my 

Ell pngc of The Neru l'ork Tin~rs, 

son, and I rcnllxcd that 1 wns t~o 

lonscr looklns nt thc fncca in ~IIC 

nnd the subjcct of fcnturc storlcn 

crowd for one like mine." 

m~scif. Son~clltncn nay piclurc runs 

too. I wllnt thosc recortls opcn fnr 

"hfy nl0Lllcr llns ncvcr tol6l hcr 

nly tlnuahter: I will clo tny irsrt. I 

get nlttll fro111 otl~cr nnt~~rnl it~othcrs 

wllo si~y they support whnt I 

1 dollla, but they nrc not \vill/na 

to go on pul~lic recorci. So~ncli~~~es 

thvrc nrc lnnp-~lintnncc 11l1ono cr~lls 

intc nt nl~i~t. "I've ncvcr nllokc~~ to 

nnolhcr wonlnn who gnvc l~cr cl~ibi 

nwny." oao W~IIIIII~ nuill rerc~~tly. "I 

hnvo three other chil~lrcn, Iwt I 

cnn't ~ e ! my l nrinri off tl~e onc I gnvc 

nwny. Ilc'a ti~lrtec~~!' 

other chllclrcn nbout me. So fur, 

811 ~OCSII'~ \Vllllt IIIl! 10 lllC~t ~~~CIII. 

But just I~nowing tho nt~stvcrs clvcx 

me thc fcelitlg tbnt now, nt lnnt, I 

Clll~ i~cgin to ~nnkc pcncc wit11 illy. 

self. Ilcforo I fotr~~tl III~ ~noti~cr I 

nl\r.nyn fclt iiko I wns in trnnait 

fiuinr: noa~cl~lnccine." 

Thc point In, nr nll tilo rcncnrch 

flcrenonstrntca, Ihnt 01 thc nrvcrnl 

l~~~n~ircd clocun~cntcd rcsniona, 

tl~crc is not n disnstcr ntltonC 

1hen1. For oven If lhc nrlo~~lce finds 

less-thnn-lovinl: pnrcnta-or C\.CI 

If nnturnl l~nrents or ntlni~tccs rlon't 

rvinl~ lo conlin~ra n rclnlionai~iptllc 

qocalloaa nrc n~~nvcrcl. Itcrnrtllcss 

of whnl thc truth In, rml. 

its in bctlcr thnn fndlcas fnntnay. 

I nnt hnving lunch rvltl~ n p~blic 

rclntiona cxccutivc who ~vnnla ttle 

to write n story nhol~t Ilia clicnt. 

Tilc lunclr llnrl lrccn portl~uncd w11r11 

I went to All~nny to tcntify. I sny 1 

tvns in Albnny, ha nsks why, nngl I 

cot~sidcr snyi~~g sl~nply "busi~~css." 

Wllh slrnnaoro, I an1 so oftcr~ nilcnt 

bccn~lac the tnplc cnn cnally hccolt~c 

nn hour's co~~vcrsntion. Thei.e arc 

tinlcs 1 nm Just Ircnry. n~rt for 

acnlc rcnaon, I tell the wholc tralh. 

"I hope yo11 don't n~isd i~cnrinr: 

this, hut I 11nvc nn ndoplccl tln~~~ir- 

l~r." hc anys. I'vc bcen thro~~gh 

this before, but 1 cnn't hcli~ nskillc 

,. .. - 

rifiht nfT thc bnt: "Itow 0111 In shc?" 

"T\vc~rty." 

011e clorctl. 

"I clcn't wnnl. to hurt you, h11t 

so~ncthinp intcrcsllrrg ilnp~~cnu~l 

lnst ycnr." 

h'o om CCI hltrt 1110 ntnre ~A~II 

I've nlrrnrl~ hurt tnuqclf. 

"Lnst yenr \vc got n cnil fro111 

tile ndollliot~ ngcncy rvilcrc \vr j!nL 

nur dnugi~tcr. Shc's n lnvclg EIII. 

she's in collcpc, \vc think the i\.orI~i 

nf her." 

Rrlox, I kttn~t~ yolc'rc trrrific 

J>~l~,~Ilt". 

"Anywny, the ncency cnll~:ti :IIIII 

snid 1ir11l her lnnrcnls \vnntvti 111 

n~crt her. They \vcrc in er~llrrr 

when our clnughlcr wns b111.n. Tllcy 

pot n~nrrir!~l Inter ntlll III~ tn 

Cnlifnrnin, nn~l the IIIIIII IIBR II('C~IIIC 

cluilc succcasful in Ilia IIII~II~:I~. 

And tl~cy hnvc thrcc ci~il~lrcn. Well, 

tllc coui~lc CIC to Ncw York OI n 

visit, nntl wct~t to ~IIC sarnry 111:. 

rnunc Lhcy u,nntu#l lo nlcrt otrr 

~lat~rI~t~.r. Now. o r sr~t CI~I: 

Lo likv this, but we ani~l nn." 

October, 1970 

1 

$3 Y

"Your dnughlcr didn't wnnt to 

nlcct lhcml" lViN tnv daughter 8av 

no- 

"We didn't nsk her. Shc's never 

oncc cxprcsscd nny interent in 

mccting her nnl~rrnl pnrcnln. and 

if she hnd just once nnid she 

wnntcd to mcct them . . ." 

I think of nll the ndopkcs I've 

met at AI,UA mcctinga who hnvc 

told ihcir pnrcnln thcy ware nhopping 

lhnt nftcrnoon or visiting an 

nrl gnllery. 1 think of thc ddopkcs 

who sny Lhcy don't ynnt to hurt 

their pnrcnla or hnvc them think 

thcy arc being rcjcctcd. I wondcr . 

if I've cvcr mct his dnughter. 

*'~ut your dnughtcr La nn ndult," 

I rcspond whcn my voicc cnkhcs up 

with my brnin. "Cnn you think of 

any othcr cnnc whcrc you \VOU~~ 

prenumc lo apcnk for 11cr7. She 

could mnrry n bum,. nnd YOU 

couliln't do nnythlni? nhout it. And 

'you won't lose her-not if you'vc 

got n good reintionship lo bcain ' 

with. All t11c rcscnrch' indicntcs 

lhnt whcn ndoplcca find their nnt 

urn1 pnrcnts, thcy often fecl closer 

to the pnrcnts thcy hnvc known nil 

ihcir lives, bccnuae now thcy. don't. 

hnvc a nct of perfect. fnntnny 

pnrcnts. And hcsldca, shc In n grown 

wonlnn, an ndult.No onc owns nny- . 

hody elsc. Whnt ~lvcs you the right 

to apcnk for your dnughhrl" 

And thcn I come to lcnrn thnt 

ndoptivc pnrcnts nrc cnu~ht in 

thcir own woli of fnntnny this mecreey 

hrecdn. 

It Is a Snturdny morning two , 

n~ccks lnkr. The phonc rings. I 

hcar the background noinc which I 

usually signincn long dlntnnce. 

"Is this Lorr.inc'Dusky7" ; ( 

"Yes. Who in thls?" 

"I cnn't tcll you. But I hnvcn't 

bccn nblc to alccp sincc 1 snw your 

picture in the pnpcr. My dnughter 

looke so much like you-tho cycs, 

lhc mouth, the color of hair. Only, 

your checks nrc fullcr. Evcn my 

hunbnnd snw the rcnc~~~lrlnncc. I 

kecp thinking the neighbors did too. 

Thc nrticlc snid your cln~~gblcr wns 

ten. Did you mcnn thnt litorally? 

' 

' 

Did you mcnn nbotcl Len?" 

In Lhin (ha tnnlhcr of rnll child! 

My hcnrt Is pouniifng. there la n 

film of sweat on my forchcncl nnd 

tcmplcs. "Ho\v old is your clnughtcr?" 

We nrc plnying with ench 

othcr, to scc who will flrst rcvcni 

the 1nl6sing informntion. 

"She's clcvcn." 

No1 ?nine. "My dnughkr is ten." 

But thc cnllcr wnnla to know 

. the cxnct birth cintc, since shc in 

not convinced yet hccnune - 1 look 

. so much iikc hcr ilnufihter who hnn 

a million frienda, her dnughtcr who 

is giftcd In every wny ponslhle, 

moro thnn nny dnughtcr ahc nnd 

her hunhnnd could hnvc cvcr hnd. 

-. .. . 

.. 

! - . 

1:- Town tE Country,, 

u . octoJer, 1078: I : 

: ... 

The dny rind nlonth (lo nnt tnntrh 

either. Thc ntrnnfrcr on the phone 

slgha. 1 rial not sore trl~cll~cr the 

misnlntch brings rclicf or not. Bllc 

nnys she \ms goi111: to hnng up If 

the inforn~nlio~~ rorrcrs)~on~lc~l. Shr 

snyn she knnws thnt it trnul~l~rcnk 

hcr iinoghtcr's l~cnrt if onc clny nhr 

hnd lo give a rlrllrl nwny. The 0nl~ 

thi~~g I nm sure of is thnl 1 dnn't 

knowwhnt 1 fecl, thnt the cnrotions 

nrc tl~mhling out, wniting to 110 

told vrhich Ecnr to nhift into. 

She won't tell IIIC \r.bcrc shc in 

cnllinfi from. 

She any8 thnt she kno~rn I 111llRt 

love my dnufihlcr, nl111 nhc 1s surc 

lhnt son~cdny tvc'il nr~d cncll other. 

Then $vc ro over rolllc of the snnlc 

ror~vcrantion bccnllsc-for aonlc 

rcneon-we nrc looking for n rcnson 

to continue t11c conl~cclion. 

Ench of ua \visbcs Lllnt thc otllcr 

were thc inissing person, but I 

recol:nizc ti~nt wc nrc nlso nfrnicl 

of thnt rcnlity. We KO on for 

nnolhcr minutc or two in this 

linlbo, nnd 1 rcnlizc thnt illst nn I 

fnnlnsizc nbout the "profcssionnl 

pcoplcW who l~nve my little girl. 

nhc fnntnaizcs nboc~t 11cr little girl's 

pnrcnta, n'c l~nnt! I I nn11 ~ I SllCnd 

the rent of thc dny III n clnrc. 

1 phonc nly dnugl~ter's fnll~cr n 

fcw dnys lntcr nnd tcll bin1 nhout 

the coevcrsntion. Although Ire 

rarely spcnk, wc kecp in touch. Our 

dnughlcr sccnla Lo be n connrelir~lr 

: link thnt hinds 11s still. Ilc nndcrstnnds 

my nccd, nly tlrivc to hc involved. 

And non~cdny, he snyn, he 

nlso hopes to nlcct our dnufihkr. 

We don't inlk lonc thia clny. Thcrc'n 

' nbt nluch you cnn sny nlrout n phonc 

. all from n alrneger.

Page4A-COLUMBIA MiSSOURIAN.Thursday. Feb. 9.7978 

, . Abortioq may. be wisest, kindest solution' 

. . 

To the cdltor: ... , 

I have read with Interest the past several 

months lettera written by people who ate "antiabortion" 

or "orelife" and those who are "DW 

choice." 

My own fcellngs on the subject of al;ortfon are 

of a more personal nature ban previous 

opinions e xprd. I will speak only for myself, 

but I do believe thnt while I cnnnot talk as a ; 

doctor, Wal worker, lawyer, minister, stpUstician, 

ctc.,might, perhapsin my own way I am 

more of an expert Ulan all these hrpes -. 01 people . . 

combined. 

I belone to in oreanization of mcnand womcn 

who hnv~experie&ed the trnurna and pnln of M 

unwnnted pkgnancy and who have undergone 

the agony of surrendering thc cMd to an agency 

for adoption plnccmenl. We are a support group 

of such people. (For more MormaUon write Lo: 

Mrs. Lee Cnmpbell, president; Concerned .Parenthood who care deeply about the needs of 

UnltedBihparenls Inc.; P.O. Box 573; Milford, . .the pregnant woman and her partner. The long' 

Mnss. 01757.) 

. tenn as wellas the short-term dfects of an un- 

I rem&ber r;ly pregnancy well and the PW~, unwanted PEgnnncY. Thdr concern 

hcllhh paln and agony I was drnggcd hugh gws beyond a fetus' "Ufe." To them, the 

shortly aftermy 'hughter's birth. I remember 1 Pre6nant Ls more a handy 

acutely the harassment and humiliation I was mre - she is a deserves 

forced t, endure at hnnds 01 arrogant, un- considcraUon of her feeUngs, emotional health 

concerned agency workets, whose standards to an~,",~$~$.whethor you or - 

Ulis very day donot reflect humane, human care. 

attitudes toward birthparents. , abortion is the wlsest, kindest, most humane 

and k t solution. Whatever your feehss on . 

I remember well how I was treated as. just abortion, I thlnk most of you dll agree Gt the 

another handy broodmarc, n free uterus, n pnir preg~nt women and her partner are human 

of ovaries to be manipulated, to serve !he needs behgs. We also are terribly vulnerable to . 

of total strnngcrs who will never offer adequate ,permnnent, severe emotional dnmage. It's time 

compensation for the hell I was put through for . . this fad ofUe wasreallzed by all. Thenk you 

their benefit. 

' 

I am truly grateful for people Uke Dr. John 

Higdon, Tom Darr and Karlu Myers of Planned 

Lhdn F. Shlpley 

43 h'oWnndAcrcs 

.. . . 

I

~ 

- 

Phil, Connie lose child to . I 

. 

foster 'babysitters' .. 

.. 

Ih.1 rlmL - . . 

How doptlon aem, tbm pmcodm foUmsd, iba w#la 

and (be pmblsnunnly m ptlblle, sin- ava -mi md 

a~r dopdon dlsp11.s an snld Lo Nsw Jenoy. A dlrpdo 

ws adopUm uvfacod ibis p a yur In Mlddlswx Cotmly, 

whersacouplaIs O:hUa~a I d htus la bvathek rulmal 

chUd nmwod tmm It! ubpdw pawls and n(md la 

tbm. 

'Ibs cue 01 Mr. and Mrs. Phlllp SomUao h. dram 

wldsspread a(lcaUoa, ll~enporq aver th.1 use. 

. . 

*-&.. 

=iI,~~i~ 

. 

, ~ 

' 7 muldn'l ~ vlblr pr U* W 

Ira." Mlnh uld, un*r, 1 number d 

L~rn mllnvcd lo mrt IR ndh& 

Eva rhn Ulo mut clullmlm lbarl 

JarmfsmuIn~U*Lmtlrin~ 

LalelUcdhomHcahmdPNIhm 

OLdadrllarUmrgatnr(U*PImllr md 

mIlA-% R&b. 

dmmta Iw U* hum 

~ huld d ~ mr mmq dd mold 

La ural lo help ddnr rht hrl bom 8 

M]ar lrsll rmu 

In U w d Mlnh ul4 Swmar Mr I 

$" ~d,plnhl,rmuwlloCmnllur, 

MI Uut it wdd mr( thrm wm to 

mas Ihek chW. And Mlnti u!d 

po.mrnrnotmRIUY(OIL 

Derplla Iht cosls, tba emollonal 

lnulu. Uu opnfng up d UY pmaU 

p l d ~ thek llrn lo mut and abk 

YTYU~): ~ b. &xenllnw ur won't

~ ~~ ~- 

~ ~ . 

~ 

~ ~~ ~ 

~ ~ --. 

~ 

. . .... . 

4 AR~CLESBY.. ! . ' 

I 

.. PATRICIA TURNER 

'. 

.. C-N staff wrltar 

., 

1 '. 

Back In IOm, Phll and Connle tlorehllno 

lay they at lhlr advln from an adoptlon 

1 

"From lhe very beglnnlng I wanted to 

keep lhe baby," Connle explnlned. "My 

: agency o flchl eoncernlng lhek lnfant . motherandfalhersaldU you want to keep 

daughter, Jennifer, who had been turned the hby, you cm't slay ln lhh howc.' 

over to later prenlr: 

"It war my molher who adked lhe 

"Thhk of U,aa amme babyalltlng for doelm ahout adopllon," Connie id, and 

).our chlld." 

onn the ChUdrcn and FamUy Soclcty of 

PhU rememben saying, "WeU, leu lh8 Ellubelh was mntrded, she sold, the 

babyslllcr we're h p ~ yw , don't need lo prurure buUL 

babyslt any more. 

Connla recall, it vlvldly everybody 

But lha "babyallten" Hem awarded wanted her to glve up lhe baby - her 

JennUer by lhe murb and lhar dUI have nnrenla. lhe doctor, lhe hosoilal and lhs 

lhe dd. - 

Connl~andPhUSonnlInoare Uke mnny 

young couples. Phll works two oh 

b - of the s&lety, Junu Jweeney, that she 

lhllta ha a chemlcal rator at AE In had chan ed her rnlml and wanted Lo kccp 

EUlabelh, lha re& of% ~rne drlr~ig hh . the ch~j, before JennUer was born. 

mker for an aubbody ah 

Cmvlle sald Swune told her he could by 

. ~ mnle k q ~lek amd%x apart. lo mve her an unh t molher. 

mat rpollesr on r itreel d nut two- Purman e 

u ~ d he was 

f homea. Tha aemnd chUd 1% "appaUed by lha wdua md unfalr 

m%d LLu Mule, a- delhhted caiidon d Mr. Swune !' 

with boUl of them mnd .$a nuny by8 ~weene~, ~ n n ~ s n d ~ * a r r o ~ t ~ ~ 

)rand lha Uvlnp monb 

and " Ub ' when Lold of Connls's w h to 

- ,. 

keeptk ch~d. The Judge warned adoptlon 

Tnmedw~: plelura dCwnie and anenden Um "muat r& lhe law. and 

PhIl decorale tbs mom, wllh ah UtUe n& apply p&- kiond lhe capiclty 

&nta Claw flgurea on lha coffee tabla of Ua unwed mother under lhe dr- . 

;: Ihe Softnllnos a m hanhakhg md tilt&ncta, datwyhj lha yolunt.rhuc : 

rrsponalble. But nellhcr Wlu very *BUY d her decfilon!' .. :t ', 8 

, rbaut hlr fullnga a about whal #(I lbem The 1Cy)yr;old trpicbnt motheri'. 

rprt rmm dher young coupla. couldn't lim lo JcnnUcrlr falher -?hot 

wu 16 un old hen & um PhO hdlnd dltln't wmta 

mrn-&m7T-r -t?%& Giiiii eia;';"rhU niii I 

fNld. PNI lald he wasn't ready lo gel thm by m#{lhe had not marrlld her and '1 

nurrlcd JennUer war bmn on Ma 6, her mdb& .wouldn't W ,him.VMt lhelr 

1814, in St. Elhabelh'n. 

. Hoap 

I, 

trl, ., hmc. -- .-. 

EUIskUL 

"I didn't wanl mmcone Lo kU me I had 

Alter what iha'dcsctltm BB a rev Lo gel mrrrted," uld Ph& who wan 18 at 

dllrl~~lltkne, Connla gave u JennUer for the he. "I dldn'1 wanl Lo do it unless 

rdoPUoh ~hodlnunedlatef rho bled Lo W s and I w m we. An awful lot of 

rmounnlhea nmmL Ph J had already people gel d l r d " 

ded to have fmnla #Ira Lo hlm sva If ford Lo marry Connle, PhU said "It 

. elm tha bkh, 

' wouldn't have bun a good rcIaUonshl . 

Bolh faUed In lhek etfcila. JennUer .Everyone sald 'get marrled! I dldn't n:!e 

went Lo a Unlon County couple. PhU went out nuqflng W e , but not just lhen!' 

Inlo court In JuIy, 1975, and W e olned 

In be Mlgatlon. In Augud d lha I year 

the. --, wcm . -.. maded. 

.-.. .-. 

-- .- -. 

Su erlm Court Judge Davld Furman As PhU rrmembera It, Connle couldn't 

adqulckly Ulal Scptnnkr rullng lhal dcdde whal Lo do - keep lhe chUd or put 

J d c r belon ed rllh ~onnla snd PhL ber u for adopuon. 

But Su~erior &urt ~udge B8ruch ~e~d- ~hgdldn'twanlto push her ln\omakIng 

d Firman'# order on r declalon . un. . mom Uw he wmkd Lo k 

pushed. 

"If Cmle 

...... ~- .~~~... . ~ -~ ~ 

Superlor court upheld FIIrmaII, ~Lln 

11" Phll gave ~ l up Ule baby, I would 

he d kUated before lhe 

ER! *lr I wu tm puy (~egauym 

Jennlfa klon ed wllh Cmle md Phi prmla would ado& ' 

Agaln Urn adop!lon agen appealed, UIL "1 flgured I had n much rlghl to my 

Ume to lhe New ~eney~uprrme Cowl. chUd u ILI molhu dl& I took It for 

Andh" 10 monUu pkaed, Febnur~ to 

December, unlll lhe Supreme Court gmn*&" But er Phil JennUda blrih, PhU became 

declded the Sonntlnm would have Lo wded because Connle na klng kept 

omre -... . Uut relumlnu . " lhelr chlld Lo lhem 

~~ ~. ~~~~~~~ 

6cpanledfran JennUer. Connle'r mother 

wouldn't hurl JennUn: Ifowever, lhe had told tho hospllal arda not lo let lhe 

supreme Court took the declalon away . bay vlalt Connie or $ baby. 

fran Furman and nave i Lo r new lrLl PNI war eaughtmcaklng In twlce, but a 

fudge, 

lhlrd the ad In and held JennUer. He 

Superlor Court Judge John Stmumtrm alsa went to a homltal mlal worker and 

held UlaI JmnUa should star with lhe naked that ..~~. hh nhs aooenr on lhe blrlh 

-~ - ~. 

munle who rcccked ha from he adm 

. 

~ 

nrtlllcalc becaus "It WM m dnu hlic 

UO; agency. Although namm for ~ i e and m ~ onn~e wou~~l trlked'ftnlo 

were not made publlclhe hue waa lhe adopUoh 1lh muut WBB lurned 

"% whe er Jennifer would k harmed by down. 

hlmnwhlle Connle ~ l her d mother. the 

dodw and hwpllal aulhorlllea kept. her 

"How would ym In1 not watchh your fromatelnnthe 

dauchler crow no?" lhe ~ounn f 

~~~ ~~~~~ 

InlanL .. "The ...- ddor sold It 

alher was beat lohelp me make up my mlnd," 

;dk& EV& whenjennlfer &ti back to , Connle mid. When ahc lnslsled she wanted 

hem, as both Connle and Phll belleve wUI to keep her baby, Connle ssld, a woman 

happm evenluoUy, "You can't erase from the ado~llon BaencY -. kept . trrlna .- to 

wIilibl'a hap ened. You can't say when you change her nilnd. 

w a n w b did .a thhga and we 1 Cmnle dld have JmIIUcr fm a month 

dld lhaa @," PNI uld. .ma they len ~ls hwpltr~, out me

Adoptlon agency: .i 

. . 

1 511~177 

., It1) S' 

Mother given options 

for keeping her young child 

i!.c & ' i t 

c h mndw ~ new pnrtnb on hpp~ and 

meu, hrll Wn b m muti artcd lo corn 

pldt the mdqllon. Ilark uld. Ado llm 

no( mnp~r~a when VN somen'Lm 

~~d~lrlrm~actlmhJmn~!8rr, lsl8. 

,'Our adop(lnn fetm do no( rover our 

lodw rm plmnntnl, dwlon' clrr, 1U 

Un mbl urrln8 mnd mwuellnl UY! 

w8 lnlo the aupanhlm d mdn Ion 

f'lhlh UI~. ,,Our lees mnrt.~radr 

lower Uun most plrale mtenclu around 

hm." 

-. . - . .- - 

mlrlbu!lw mureto. Whh lhe 

mldr wmr l m d wlB lhe Sorrnlhw' 

ma cut. Bq hhd Fdwmnl Rrner, 

who~r. altt u11 was cbn "bcnwm 

oo mnf md IlVe WuvbO We h," bl 

woo -w w12 u rev lone:* 

ui iolru hmr" 

cmd@ Uul U. a Oale dlrlrlm d 

soperla court ud ~NI. 8upanm 

FdSI ;".TL%:!A 

pcrnv@olvmmWmnrUIbrabbla 

~rl U rnmcd. 

wm're brm 1 4 d mndm, ud 

we lest LI'O nd m." 

fluk uld V* PunOr mnd ChUdrrn'm 

' web ha: bnn dbllsiud la I( rean 

udtmnmtda mrfandVlou.lt 

mtandtYUpmlnrlmm~ mdm, 

ladlrlnlo~n~cMldrW Ilrmdopurm 

p.rrnb u quwr u gmm* a(ln tho 

Iwsdu, aw. Il'a drlermlntd V* bob 

b narml ad LmUhr, C h i uld. 

~a lbo llnl' ur, tho &dr mku 

ba~nrr$ru t ~ to b a Uul tho 

- - . -. " --.. ..... - .-.- ... 

.W^ 

,.,: .I1,' She searched20 yearsfof 

B ~ I U ~ UmmWCdmoBmmn 

I 

e~, BC mgrnq now 

nnlra ml two a Lbm m reor la 

adooUm, m i hu dDvd )Ir bU I%* 

uld 

MI camrn La nd ]w( lor the md IVO 

p r h u a couple. bu~ for an J w a ~ 

cotlplel wtd WIIh lo k lho mnw 

t* w LM 

~ ~ ~ A t ~ ~ 

pmib;i&ul nuka hL dcdrlm, rbhl i+ 

wry M 1 an'l bcU re It woo 

rnallc o w ahm mold o~!~~remnmr~m 

dalrorcdmil~ladV*~um 

mull d ~u h d m ~ 

ud Pmblmv m ad* paw fnlr blolqlcll herllqe mI m tho rhrn 

FIurrnnFhha lhmilonmL.dd 

It aka IN ad mmn d Be farm mnd 

Erenlomll~ noto Uddea becamr 

mcd~eL,llndh~hcnmrh#rvldmceol 

WWI~ irk, down Ln nrdhnl bozu(a MbW unhhxd 1i-m (br bh d 

MU on adopltd pnm'r uamh la Y krrdllr laclofa h dlrtaae Y cullvnl 

1amlIrg.lqnFt. m d mludr lhm h lhm UU .Id bu pOvrhra.r la 

~lwml prmh MI cnmta h oBn end krlbtc ~n a iw~rty rib 

frml lhm U.rrprt mlrmr m h Fhnn. 

people, ,"NCuL* Gas. who h.", 

molmr'admrw, I lalhdmmplt rho nuno h' nni cmdhd lo 

OI he~Uulmalcd%~~llrn: An- 

'"P d chudrm 

bmpr,, nlcken pralahh "Pollth 

Po*er and hlm lnlellecfual and 

hmunl F-, hmnu, ud mhm ha 

i o ~ F l r k ~ u U u l s h ~ l r cholqlcml m hnltnge. 

M ear m t).~. 

mnI@ chUdrm a addwrenla la 

mdk dkd. Ihr, 01 

FW horrnn L.W fell cut cn mm 

25 mnld md tho 

P?lrherahobruhb 0 cNld should rmmh 

uamh la Urlr nd : she hput1 

mo(hadhaoml%#Wdlowrrh 

Wllh hh Nlurml prnnb U Ihml lr at all 

h mdher ad 

l m h ud #nndmothcr, faha fr& 

bl O~lrO1nd !d%Rlre porenl rnlhl. -. -. -. 

0 Inllnl ih mk%Y drlbm a ma. TM & dacrlbn Uul arrh. Ur 

flhmvrlold thrcNIAUu1 obad~w "The &mrrh lor AM1 FWler" cm 

9Und. 

nlbwneu ud hmtllhkr d rmnr ud )KIWI hh 

know lanethLU d hl~ 

, dude1 WlBh wcda "mu I wan1 loknom 

Ihs 8nrrh la Am Nrk*' b ha 

Mtnnl prmb. 

Icwhor(hurdloh- Ur 

b whleveqme e b known- and btu 

awnldhalnUnprdd hamearch d%wtduklUrr&~~~ 

Indead. FWrr hr iru~lutd kr fa mM: mr mb." 

Uullm*tdDremnanahclurntd whml 

~18uhhbAWA, lheAdopln~* nrra are local clu den of AIAIA 

low IcdUa 15 ud Ur ud 

lhe lcclln~r mema 

mnlrbnn from I few. 

buIr Mmmml Auabllm wh~h rNch nd In nnlnl hew Jerrer. me 

Brnl ha nmcl.r la id& tnb 

~~he~padul(r.howaradopMIhd 

MnWt 1 dW11 Mn, Ur kc4 

Wlonml hCadquorttn b 187 W. inh BI., 

mtm~2~lo- 1 pholht d 

thrfrc8.rrnU ud Mlml plrrnb rho 

dnwmlhmdrrhbUr~lvnnb 

New Yak, N. Y. 

blrlh nrtlflralm rf~ 

V. nuno rn WMb (0 UYD(U0 lhm Wubu clnb md 

vb Ualr chUh la 0dopu04 Bow "nit Starch lm Annm Flrha" 11 oul d 

iltlur fa lhm dU4 R a m ud HOW Ilhnlnll(nlm, ud ql m rkmx. 

cNldra 

*I, bul ma Id lmd In any of urrral 

laddm u prrnu ud tho wy "adop WUh wIbb WluUmr 

iWIr nukn m cLh n c q mtmrrh khver dlw. hrlulhg as a leu 

M" 

Il'r no1 m mvdlln bod; nm m mean . 

or Uul I rumuld uarrh fm, IIeadtn VI at c~~mcd nooi 

rlndldbe me, ud fa man nmm n :w" SkLppr ruulu. 

m d mnmhrrnslr rdntlon d LC nock.d. 

nu( she rum lna~~du.~ h.8 

mrdlrr.llnl~h~oli~emhulo. 

Uu Month flub. mml& m ~amoll Crrml 

W la hh herhte, howNm d Y PprIdct

Letter 

1 ' expresses one view 

. - . . .. - . . - 

1Y"dbur: : 

Slm Urn. I'm talked lo dkr blrth. 

PR~. Thy, lm, ullrred under kmv 

Im)rn~,cwn lhlh n h 

1% did m lo lvrnndtr our 

rhlldnn A1 Ih. llms we rere DT1.n. 

kply bti humill~lcp, rld1cu14 

.nd hldlrnmrny. 

1'"h.p pu C M bsln la tmkr;land 

**Y m m.rnpnarlllre. vulnnbls 

ud alrald lo speak nl our lrve lrrlln~s. 

Wenmn.lmdlrn.loh.wba1n1ud,. 

only 81 brmllna mlm8lr. 

Tlrn *re many m#h, that adopllv. 

p ~ ~ . ~ Y 

mrbn. lh. rmnl pub 

I+ de.. 111e lo ~ t in. w ftht* rh.1 

lopr U* IM Is lhal re an Incapable of 

mmull~, apclslly in mard 14 

(UT chlldtrn, mrd Vut we .re raarr (o 

' 

vlload lh like m rnh 

I.rba~., 

, I 

. Iwllh1remparlblelolpakdlnnly 

lo rou. A Idler canmi slslbly muel 

I U *um~Uull~lnm~ klti.IkItanln 

1 my y4IW3ay I d* ytlle each Jay

. . ,,.; , 

cgstomhahtblrlhmdkn.' ' .' &Upley wld llkr la ua adop(lvj and 

lpley lee11 il'sllms lo"kak U* seal UrlhplrrrU mtd Won larrmed "la 

t dlmcb" cmwkd rllb mmnl adop #d lo Lmr elchdhcr u!umm." n*, 

&I Ira be l&'UYl UY rred, dTdc#ln pMnd muld hnclll lmm W' 

doplea la sdrr Wr ldanllly sblrms .~lursnmUYlIherur~rIs*~IunlIq. 

nd tm+e cmtk,.mcdlr.l mi ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I w ~ ~ ~ ~ u I o Y I ~ ~ I ~ I I v . 

r k mudl '11- V* moU*r's 1 ,; !Vm Ihc mwn muld ~Iarl uklng 

adfw mlw. ' &laad NI Urlhmrmb lk m&fllv~ 

~ - .~. 

sYd.niadc$m &I nrmurlly rant krnh can u): "bh, yes. yovr Mtth i& smrrNq lor my dru'hlrr. 

bne rrlmlbmhlm WIIh blrUllunN. lut . I h r hu b!de blr and I bvel~ . "n*hd.mo*mu(Mlve1hln1lc~n

~. 

~ ~ ~~ 

Lrllrrs lo Dpcn Column nto lnvltcd lrom all 

rcndctr and wlll bo publlrhad On a,apacs 

av~lloble bnrls. Lellcrs mu51 bc no lonoor 

thnl ., ... 350 . . word* . -. .. and - - 

snnlrod n 

bv Iho nulhor. 

~~ 

Hovcvcr. Thr, Trlbunrwlll wllhhold lhs w,ll. 

-el', nnm'e II requeslcd. Colletr or@ vcrlllod 

and urn nublec~ to adlllnO and condonso. 

lion. 

'Urazen greed' 

Edilor, n ~ Tribune: c T~IS wrllcr reccnlly 

hnd the cdlfyltig experlcncc of 

watching lormcr Vlce Prcsldenl Agncw on 

lelevlslon. .n11s proud. flghl.wlng, lolnlly 

and Russlnns ban kill each olhcr 20 timcs 

ovcr, nevcrmlrl$ I1 nt cnch gmup 01 people 

hns nll ILcnri dd i o toke cprc of ils own 

citllcrci-pcoplc Pbc Apcw have lo pm. 

molc lklr ncfnriouflntcresfs wllh n "holc 

objccl." Not n "lovc. bJect"-a "hale ob- 

Jccl!" 1 t * 

n h Rcngan feel lhal 

might lose &me ol U~clr consldcrnblc 

nlflucnec. Nelllrr one gives n damn nhul 

the Arncricbn lroplc cvcn though Ulcy 

pntc nbolll. ~IIC "Amcrlcnn pecpul" con. 

, slanlly. Thdy nrc complclcly selfish, oul 

for nll they cm personnlly get lhclr J~nndr 

on md Ice1 hurl bccnusc mosl Amcrlcnns 

slrongly brnzcn grccd nnd sclflsl~ncss, for 

lhc bcnelll of our nolnblc nnd cxpnndlm: 

nrlslocrncy. And nl lhc expense of our 

commoncn who nrc slcndlly growlnk 

paorcr nnd pwrcr. 

Sln11 Unrkrr 

Ccnlrnlin 

'Roots and wings' 

Edilor. Ihc Trlbut~c: "There nrc only 1 

two lmtlng bcquesls we CM glvc our 

children: on! Is rwG. lhc other Is 

wlngs." 

I om the mother of two young girls, WIG 

younger onc Is wllh me. Thc oldcsl-born 

whcn I wns hlnglcwna surrcndcrcd 

lw~dcr coercion nnd duress) lor ndopllon. 

1 nm grieved by the conlmveny ovcr who 

Isn "renl"pnrcnl. thc scmmtlcsqunbbles 

ovcr whclhcr "nnturnl." "blolcglcnl." or 

some evcn mom nculrnl term lpcrhnps 

"mcchonlcal?") Is the proper dcslgnnllon 

for lhor who concclvcd an adopled child. 

Evcn mnrc dlslurblng Is lhc ldcn lhnl n 

chlld's lovc Is o llmllcd qunnllly, n sourcc 

of blllcr rivnlry bclwcen those who gnvc 

hlm 111s llfc, nnd those who gave hlm his 

homc. I hope nll parcnls, nnturnl nnd 

ndoptlvc, who hold lhis narrow vlcw will 

lhlnk nboul whnl 1.hnvc to soy. 

I nm n "rcnl" molhcr lo my dnughlcr. 

nnd h6r blrlh lolhcr Lr n "real" .fnlhcr, 

kcnwc her gcnctlc mnkcup. her body md 

blood, come from us, and morc lmprlnnlly 

bccnusc I lovc never ccnscd lo 

remcmlrr, lo suflcr, lo cry, lo grieve nnd 

cnrc. Evcn lhougl~ we nrcnol lo~clhcr nnd 

do nol shlrc her dnlly llfc. cvcn If 1 ncver 

scc her fncc ngnln, shc is truly ours by my 

lhoughls 01 hcr, by forcc of my love. 

- I 

. 

.- 

trlnnglc. Thc ndoplce 1s In n Ilnlqec psi. 

lion, In lhnl ll~c loving nld of nll four of hls 

"rcnl" pnrcnls is needed lo cnnblc him lo 

llnd 111s .own mls nnd wlqjis. Tl~ls Is no1 

' 

cnsy lor nny of UF: IL Is difllcull tor the 

ndopllvc pnrcnls lo nckrrowlcclgc llrnl thus 

dld nol concclvc nnd bcnr the child lhcy 

Iovc, nnd lhnl his cll~nlc nnd blologlcnl 

MIS lie clsccvbcre, nnd It Is cqunlly 

dlfficull for ihc blrll~ pnrcnls lo ncccpl lhc 

lnct thnt cvcn If fbcy nrc rcunltcd wllh 

Ihclr gmw chlld, tl~cy will ncver bc rrlorc 

lhnn his good fricnds. The words "motbcr 

nnd fnU~cr" will nlwnys evoke mcmorlcs 

of lhosc whn rnlscd him. Howcvcr hnrd ll 

is, wc mu31 nll nld the sc.!rchlnl: ndoplcc; 

musl give our cl~lld wlngs. 

1 hop ndopllvc pnrcnls will nnrwcr 

lhclr children's qucsllo s md cncourngc 

md nld Ibclr scorch for lhclr "other" 

mols. Plcnsc scc lhls scnrch ns n basic 

need lor blologlcnl ldenllly-roots, Afi 

exlcnsion 01 lore nnd forglvcncss: no! ns 

nn ncl of dlsloynlly or rcpudlntlon of your 

mrcnlliwd. Rcmcmbcr-your child's 

cmollonnl rools nlwnys ulll be wllh you if 

you hnvc rnlscd hlm In nn nl~nosphcrc 01 

i ~ lah 

d lo\%?. . 

'Thcrc Is solnrlhlng concrclc you cnn do 

now-If you arc on ndoplivc parcnl, contncl 

thc ngcncy lhnl plnccd your chlld nnd 

rmuekl comoiclc. uodnlcd mcdlcal nnd 

soc'lnl dnin oh your ci~lld's background. If 

you nrc n birth pnrenl, mnlncl lhe ngcncy 

nnd offcr t11Is lnfonnnllor~. Scvcrnl 

prcnfs, lricl~~dlng myscll, nrc doing lhls 

. nnd wc wlll nld and ndvlsc nnyonc who 

wnnlslo Join us in this hard nnd lmprlnnl 

llrsl slep. Conlncl Orphnn Voyngc, Cc. 

dqrcdgc. Colo. 81413, or me. 

Linda Slllplcy 

no111e 2 

llonnl wcnc. lhnn cvcr bclorc In the 

nntlon's hislory. And we know quite wcll 

whlch pollllcnl pnrly undcrwrilfs mmt 

-Tho Columbla~ally Trlbune, Columbia, Mo.. Saturday Mornlng, May 22, 1976 

.

.~~-~~~.. 

~ ~ .~ 

... 

-.~ 

..~..~ 

.~~~ 

~ ~" 

~ . 

~ ~ 

+ 

YE NEW Y RK TIMES, ~ONDA? JANUARY 

25.1478 

fi.mib'/8~1e- 

~atural Parents Form Groups 

To Emphasize Their Concerns 

I 

. Adoption Seminar 

I 

A scilnnr entllled 'The Adop 

tlon Clrcla" wlll be conducted by 

I nellv Jean Uflon. aulhor of I 

. 7he iddrna of iha organlzalion's 

ndblonal headquarlcrs Is 

P.O. Dox 573, Mllford. Mas. 

01757. 

To contact the Pcnnsylvanh- 

South Jersey branch wrlte lo BOX 

08108. 

. 1056, Machantvllle, h.~. 

lhlnu lhlnn the ado~live Dwenb .rs 

dolG, she-can't do dnytfiltg ~tmt it" 

Re resmtallvw of various segments 

nt tR8 ndontlan mmmudtv - ths 

children. he American Admy of ber of hcr branch and one of tho fsw 

suricndcml nt a tlmc whcn 41 war sllll ~edfatrlcs Adopllon and "e,eident men In CUB. 'l'vo notten sn mu& 

obJcctlonablo to sub)txt a' chlld to a' Care Cmmlttee. lho Ncw Yor State support from 'the womcn in,,m - group; 

lifctlmc of bastnrdy. 

Ad tlve PmnU Commltlw and lho lhc ire bcnutlful pcople, la sald 

Dccnusa Concerned United Blrth- NO$ American Councll on Adoplsbls dm though 110 conccdcs tho bud& 

wts is so new - tho New Yorkl Cl~lldren-sald they supported some of fdls morn llcavllv on - 

R"" orlhcm Ncw Jcrscy branch met for the CUD members' proposals but vehethe 

..~~ flrst .~~.. llmc . . lost . month - 

~ 

molhcrs. --. Mr. ~ - -~. Dl -- ~ ~ ~ 

'~ulssenoe. a eriillncc suocrvlsor. said 

It has nnt 

~~ ~~ .~~~ mently oppored olhcrr, espcclally thoso ha doci.not bfllcve fin1 unwed filllers 

yet formuloled n pollcy on its primary Illat would nmme dlreoL conhcl be- mer c mlotlonally unscathed. 

, apcn ndopllon. Ofllccrs sold lhcy tween blolinlcal Daren1 and mlnor 

F""' - 

14e C~IM in my llle - a dnuglltcr 

nlcndcd to dctcrmlne thnt pollcy by child. - was born 12 mars ano!' he sald. 

n~ldycnr and submlt It lo q@ades,~psy. ' Dr. Donald'Lowls, a Scattla pedlahl. "I wasn't In lovd wllh ifto n&hcr.l 

chlnlrlsls and counsclors. 

clan and chalrman of ll~a Acsdmy of 'had Just had a broknl cnge cmenl ind 

Pedlalrics AdooUon and Denendent had glvcn up a buslners and thcre tt~,r 

Care C ~ i l l c snld. ~ , "~onlde'nllfyln~ no conslderallon on mv mrt of msnv. 

Inlonnallon should be avallabla and in Inn lrer. When slia s~6kg lo me abijr 

most good agenclcs, it b. Dul In order rdbpllon. I thou 1.1 would llke io 

to grant ldcntlfylng Infamallon, dl ralso the kid, wit P I my moll~cr or slslcr 

bloloplcal parent may have a need lo helnlnn. But sha dldn'l anree." 

know about the chlld, but whclha thcy AIKounh he &Id ha Thellcves that 

hava the right depends on lhe dlec~ 

adopllon-was In his daughler's best 

It would hava on the oarties Involved. Interest. Mr. Dl Gulrcppe aald ha cwld 

nlera should ba no dliect relallonshln: not help fecllng lhal glv111 hor up was 

her own adopled .chll&en acek lhdr 

biological parents whcn lhey much the 

a c of mn orlly, But she obJ~lcd lo 

'vfsilnllon r 1 chts hlore thnt lime. 

"The adopilvc family Is a total famlly 

wllltout lncludln the blologlcal parenl." 

she sold. s'ff a woman wants to 

vlslt her chlld, she has no business 

placing lhat chlld. Elther ou'ru a 

parent or you're not. It's n final klnd 

of declslon; there's no changlng your 

mlnd in lhc mlddle!' 

CUB members stressed that the had 

no dalra to reenla thclr chlliren's 

Ilvr. 

..,--. 

"Our purpose Is not to take our 

children away," nolnl hla Ewlns, 

coordinator of the New YO^ branch 

and a rcglrlcrcd nursa at htout~i Slnii 

llospltal who gava blrth to a son IR 

years ago, when 111s war 2.3 years old. 

'Tho adopllva parenls hnva parcntnl 

hlm. taken corn of hlm whcn ho was 

ddi, sent hlm to school. ahnred thc 

joys of hls cl~lldhaod, loved hlm. I do 

~ 

want In .- mcct hint. and sea thcfan 

ih~~mlghl look ll!& mhc, but them 

Is nothln~ for hls adopted. Frents lo 

be frlghlmed of - I would only hope 

he'd ..... be closer to Uln. 

"~cca?!o~lly, 1 have a dcvastalin 

lhoupht, Miss Ewlm conlloucd. "I! 

my son were to dl?, 1 would new be 

notifled. I am a molhcr - and lhmt 

sunk.- u~ln " sold sand nlurscr d 

hlerrhantvl!~~, N.J., coordjnator of lha 

CnnEsmcd Unllcd ~- DlrthaarcnL1 -~.-~ - - ~ ~ Prim- ~ 

avlvnnlalSouth Jencv branch. 

-MI88 ~usser (shc 1s separated from 

her husband of 20 nrs and uses her 

malden namc) hns Rund tho daughter 

ah8 

~ ~ 

rellnoulshed 23 vems nno. 

"I wu'l5 when f beeami pregnant 

1 was ahullled lo a rivata home where 

a famlly took mc !n in cxchange lor 

housework -..~ and babvrilllnn. 

~ 

n ~ev knew 

a mlnlster who knew a couok who 

wem lookin for 1 hoby to adopt. I 

slgncd some&lng while I was prep& 

1 dldn't even know what it wu,' &he 

recalled. 

$br glvln~ birth, she rctumcd to 

hl school. That was In tho IOSO'r 

w en we had axial dubs. I got a lettrr 

from my club klckln me out because 

I'd had a bmby. ~t tfe Ume, that was 

even mom lraumallc for ma lhrn 

- ~ 

-. ~ ~ 

She found hcr dnunhlcr - llke most 

reunilcd parenls sl~c wlll not dlvulpe 

exaclly how - last May and met hcr 

face to Facc on July 18, lhe daughlcr'r 

23d'blrlhdav. 

- -.-.. . .- 

One ol those 11 Donald Dl Gulscppc, 

42 ynrs old, of Royarsford. Pa., a mem- 

rkln lo "an actlon of vfolanec." lto 

added. "Drlngln~ a rhlld Into thc world 

and lvlng It away savers Ulo blolog~ml 

contfnu~ty. 

"I supporlcd whnt tho mother wnntcd 

and tho1 was wrorlg. NOW lo fall to 

keep the doors onen lo my daunl~lrr 

would bc n sccond wrong, eicn tliouph 

I have hccn olrle (o lcsm that shc's in 

a good home!' Mr. Gulrenno docs not 

know the Idcnllty of the dilld'i fami6; 

nor IIIC locallon of thclr hon~c, "bii 

1 know shc'n okny," 110 sold, '7110 

patents are nlllgolng add progrcaslvc. 

l'llty adopted anolllrr rttlld nnd took 

~ ~ -~ ..... 

nry -dnuglilcr wll11 Ihm. I don't ll~lnk 

she'll have problems." Ile has placml 

Informallon about hlt~~sclf la tho 

olficcs of the Cblldrcn's Ald Soclcly 

in Wlrco countlea, rhould sha ever 

---....... -lr 1,lm .,.,.. ,I 

For now, 110 nald. "Sltc an11 f wc'm 

strangers. Dl11 I hopc we won't nlwnys 

he. 1 would like lo sca l~cr - If oaly 

once.

!' 

~ ~~ ~. 

' 

"S1pb~K n pnprr dflran~ trim ,,jf has hen svrrkln~ far or, rr$lnu ue wanl 

mother'# low, tcrrvrfms an qdflnrpd 

'_"O~Y!I!!Y That's nrl the wry It Ir," Lee 

, chllddrorm~, orla killcd In an ~cchrnt umpD'u ' . '. ' 

: !- nnd the nnrjpnpm do Idmryy . Oslrnclrrd hy aoclcly dllrln~ a llme nl 

them nr(nntrd - ". ............... ,. unn.fm -.............. 

*U hlnnoll - on unplanned nrcmancy - lhey 

*. 0 my ch~d~ii;-- '. - n hlrthpnrml Iwve ic~t larccd io supprisa a bnsic part OI 

I '----- 

IUc: pnrml.chlld llcs. and the mntlnully 

thrsc can pmvldc. "ncqlrlrlng blrlhpnrcnls 

ID 

1 . ri)j70R') NO,E: A rerenl orlld, 

nkn away nil rlfila lo hnvc any infarma. 

on ,his 

Uon almrll lhrlr chlldrcn rclcRntcs us lo the 

pogo loid Ihe o1 JDd~ DeCaro, On , alsllrc nf baby rnochlncr." Im adds. 

I odopls. who searched for years i?r,hls Bnby machlncs, lncubalors, sludn. Thew 

birlhmolher before he lound hfr. 

nrc IIIC phrases nome blrlhparcnls use la 

do,enl of calls for, ' dcwrll~c ihr sclt.lnra~c aoclely has hondal 

,he olllcl~ ralulleb 

lhrm. Thc "psycholnElcal nmpulallon" lhry 

help ~nlorrnOtion, and din brought a ctndrrm can cause lhrm untold anaulsh . lor 

nsponse horn sever01 btrthporenls wlth yrars~llerulrdr, thry ray. 

thalr own slov !a tell. , . End the "tinc~~n.~~~s".ln ihc adnptlw 

amc~durc. lhrv armc. anlnllna lo dlllcrcnt 

By RUE SCAEIRLC . bathods klngirlrdln~llrorniamd 11awa11, 

'; 

. 

roh~mt ~taew ran 

ullcrc blrthparcnb an In some cascr bclnu 

. 

~nlcd vlnllaUon rl~hla wlth lhclr chlldrcn 

plad In ndopllon. Bmay sound unorlhodox, 

but Lcc Campbell observes: "Thcy hold (ha 

hump cPrda .:; 

the'chlldrcn who m sur. 

many d us havc bccn :rhnrled fnr 

years. We arc Jusl sllrtlng mmeou!."says 

I @~~mpacll. . : -'.. .; .'. 1 ' . 

Ire la a birlh~amn(: a woman non In hcr 

SOs, who slam li becamc pnp;nlnl wllcn dha 

ups no1 marrlcd md stlll in high school Int 

Ncw Ilamrahlr?. "Scbt away" la a homc for 

tmd mGhei-8. aha rnve hLr baby. a srm..uo, 

. - -. . . 

br adopllon. 

LA nie pltmt of adoplcd chlldrcn, wwn to 

ganlr Innage ynn or beyond md drlven by 

I m ' lnncr . n d td search lor lhclr 

I bltihparmb, has been wcll-publlalzd In re. 

ml ycam 

- Llllle has lwn hcrrd, howcver, Imm the: 

Mhparcnla. the women and mcn who rclln. 

: qulsh thclr bablcs lor 'adopllon and Yen 

rilrcat lnlo allcncc. ' ' ' 

"Thcy lcll you to go home. taplckui your 

rcndcrcd lor adopuon. Theredhould be mom. 

~lcrnallres!' . .. , 

Hcrs(alcmcni refltcb a gmwlniaelivlsrn, 

Id lhe new.Iound unlty ol those blrlhparcnld 

who hnvc "mme nul." Thls ycar. Ihcy\illcd 

Icglsldon at lhe Shle lloua In and open 

up the adopllon pmetdum. 

'. Ulncern lot the chlldm, whlch parlly 

moUvrIcd lhclr oridnal deelsion lor adop 

Uon, mnllnuea lo pnvcnt the blrlhwrcnla 

horn actually making mnlact.Thcy wanl the 

sddnl agcnclu lo hgln to act as m !n- 

@nncdlary."I 

know.whrn he la, bul I won't 

try lo mnlPcl hlm;' a birlhpnrenl =Id. "1 

hap? somcdap he will cum8 lo find me. My 

maln mnccm Is not Lo have a bad eUcd on 

llfc, to lorficl It. Thcy my jusl lo rcmc~nbcr him or hls Iamlly." 

lhal ynu arc making two ~oplc VCN happy1 Thcn, she added, "11 he docan'l mme by 

. nnd lhnl bnmcday 11 will all sccm llke a lhc IImc he Is 25, thouch. l don'l know what I 

drrnm." snys Susan Darkc nl Pcabndy, who wlll do. It wlll be awlul hard not lo reach out 

alw nave ur, a baby boy lorndot~llon a1 o~c 17. Ihbtl." . .' * . 

I'or moic lhan-10 yean, ~uian prctrndrd Many hlrlhparcnla wonder I1 there Isn'L a 

ml In rcmcmkr. "Synthcllc dmncsla."nha bctlcr way of hapdllng !he narlon'a adopUon 

cnllsll nnw. Shc hnd lold hcr hrahand, IIoRcr, . syslcnt. Thry want mnn cholcc. opUonr A 

nllh whom she hall four daughlen. But ah, 

seldom spokc 01 IL 

Thcn, one. L%rldmas, she was out shop 

ping, nnd suddenly, mcmnrlnmeflmdln~ 

hk. "It dawned on me that l had molhcr 

Mid, no matter how mucb I put It out of my. 

mind. Tho fact lhat I had never boclgbl a loy adoplton pmcedures. . 

lor hlm or spnt 8 CMaF*. wlth him ,, 

. brought It lnlo foeus." . ' 

. . 

,. . 

... 

"Rarefy, If~.wr, dw~ one flnd.thoi : 

o Is &Ice up IJI. Jtarrn(l!l mle . 

%Rout p n t rsluctnnm of ,511' or 

chat mls u&hout o mad ma to'thsm- 

*(C...' 

. . . . . 

i ... 

Birtl~parents . Seek . ,%w 

. . . . 

..........8........ . . . . a . 

1 

~ 8 ' . 

'Illc mmmlltrc hmrlng hid already brrn ' lUrlhpnrcnts lnnlsl th~y havn no wlsh lo 

leld lhln ycar when adopllve pnrcnls got i Hvnl or lhrcalen lhe rclallonshll) wllh the 

uind 01, Ir@slallon, lllcd by hlrlbparrnln, adoptkc parcnL7. "It !a well.hownlhatadnp. 

uhlch would oprn Up adnpllon proccdurrr. : Uve PIrcnIs arc the rePlor truepnrcnls In lhe 

llouae Bill 5100 wnuld rcqulre adopllon . nlosl mcanlnulul rensc." Susan Uarkc, bath 

, eprnclrs In accrpl updalcd lnlnrmallnn lrots M adnplcc and a blrlhpar~nl~ says. "In more 

blrlhparrnls and to acl as lnlermcdlrrlcs In than 1% rcllnluns. I havc ncvcr yet men an 

8. 

, r .acd conlacla wllh adapllvc parcnls. The adoplcc nhUl nllccllons," rhe pdds. 

.. i. rlcs would have In nollfy (he a~lopltvc Flnc. Ihcadoptlvepamnla say, but whrtd 

) parrnla U lhc blrlhpatcntnolongcr wantcd lo tho hlnlrparcnt hasn't lmn able, llke Susrn 

,'nrraln anonynlous, and was wllllns ,110 has, to carve out a new 1110 tor hcr~lf, with a 

I mnthclcd hy the rdnptlvc pamnla. 

hap11y tnnrlly sltuallon? Would she be so 

'the adopllvo patrnla muld rilusc the nonlhrcalclllnelhcn7 Tluy mnlrnii lhcy have 

, 

! mnfad, but lhry would have lo be made olhrr lcnm whlch arc alno rcallsllc. 

j aware IC oiicr ertstcd. "Tho vcw lhln~ wh~ch al~owa adopt~v; 

, The amounl of op lllod lmrn adoptlvo parrnla lo vlcw the chlld as Utrlr nwn and lo 

: wrrnta was "lncrcdiK< aeeomtlng lo one pmvldc thc banding and Itre srrudiy ja the 

, mrnnrlllce ahlr. pmnllac 01 nnn.lnlcrmpled prrmllng," one 

uw barn, ahc ws wllhout a Jell. the baby'r 

lather hod dlsappntrd and she had lrrrlnd 

hc had 1 wlle and lhrcc chlldrcn In another 

#late. She watllvlng sl home wllh her molhcr 

and bmther, and told Oral she could return lo 

llvc lhcrc, bul that she muldn'l brlng tho 

baby honlc. 

" Icll (ha1 I had nowhcrc lo m, no one lo 

lm lo." shcrecallsloday. I2 gcam latcr.Tha 

urUarc olllcc nlaccd her baby In IcmnanrY . ~ 

loslcr care. 

Six rnonlhs lalrr, ohc says, a cascwnrker 

vlsllcd her on n Frldsy. an11 ln!d hrr shc hnd 

until (he lollowlnn Wcdncsdry lo "mako up 

my mind shclhcr I wanlcd lo lake the chlld 

or rcllngulsh hlm." 

"I dldn'l know nnylhln~ clsc I muld rlo, so 

I nlfincd thc paprr." she sap. "Whcn 1 

ycar ano, Lee Campbell lormcd C.U.O., COP slgncd. I wun'l cvcn awon 01 whnl I was 

mmcd Unllcd Blrlhwrcnla, Inc. Bascd at sfmtng. Thcy lold me lhcy uould tlnd no 

Bm 573 In Mlllord, lilass., C.U.B. haa 1W adoptlvc home lor hlm. On hls flnl blrlhdw 

.,tncmbcn nallonallv. Only two an mcn, but lcaIlcd,and askcd U I muld we hlrn; but ihw 

1fe 66)a them an many more birlhlalhrn mid no, he was 1uil aboul Lo be placed Ln hls 

"out them" who hevc ken harmcd by pad adoptlw homc!' 

' 

Jlmnlly, Barbara mnlnclcd lhe wcUan 

'"Oarbur" La- membcr. . .:. I-'' . . . 

. 

dllcc and lcomcd lhnl hcr chlld had ncvcr 

.Barbara is not hci real nimc. She can7 

ten placed in adopllon. Ilc rcmains In Iwtcr 

ore. 'that lroublcs her. "I wanted lo gel In 

ldcnllly hcrselt.hceauic she hw a chlld 

"llvlng jusl a icw mllcs away," In an o n 

touch wlth (he molhcr. nnd ace I1 she would 

mmmunlty, wilh the spme lul name, who 

speak lo me, but lile agency sald lhey 

muldn'l mnlacl hcr!' 

hn't know shc is hl* blrlhmolhcr. 

Dsrbara la dlllcrrnt imm lhc stercolgpe "I asked if I ceuld have r pldure 11 hlm. 

of lhc woman who aurrendcrn azhl!.' lor .s h Irckl tjday, but lhry dlda'l arni lo do. 

ndopllon. When she hccame pregnanl, she Ihrt. I dUI have Ule dl1 I bouthl hr hi* llrrt 

u?sno117, bulin hercrrlyMs,dlvoreed, wltb . blttbdry In nly trunk. When I lhlnt I have 1 

n ledllaalc n~nc-ycar.n~d #on. 1 hb. md chlld a lcw mlles awry. and lhrl I dmn'lws! 

nunwho spokc niplans lo maw-her. haw what he lr~ks Ilkellcl*..,." 

pine mpnb IW, when he, scmod me'' lIrr velce brerh. 

- Policies . , 

, Susnn Dnrkc lmadnrs mriUng her oall 

mn slm~edoy: 

"I'd want lo know II he undcnlnnd why I 

mvc hlm up. I wan1 hlm lo know that hc aas 

Hnnlcd. ll~nl hc u,os laved. I wns sllll as 

pmud, as Ilappy lo hnvc lrlm - I'd jusl filvcti 

Urlh. I'd wan1 10 know lhat I madc the right 

dcclslun. 1 tccl wnrn~ly Iouards my sunla 

ndopllvc porcnln, that wc've hlh done some. 

Wng lheoll~cr mhltl~'I, and lhal wc'vomnde 

a fwd lllc wsslbls" 

Adopllvc parcnls conlend thillflrcy slflsrd 

a mnlracl ~irl~lcr onc sgslcm, and Ihnl Il Is 

untalr In cha~~gc 11 mlro~c1kcIy. Ine 

Carnplxll rcpllcs: "lrrve Isn't $nand hy 

mclrly'a rrrle8. A plccc of papqr doesn't 

oblllcrslc lccllnpa. Glvc balh parcnllr 111s 

Inllslrlon' phones wen "rlnfiln~ oll the 

dunncls for mrt~rnunlcallon, md the lcsn 

ldopllvc taolller mid. 

q hrx~k," and tbc inlrnsc iccllnp thc ndopllve 

wlll dlsnpvcar. 

lls whole Issue is brlnp handlcd loo 

parcnh 1rII were cllccllvcly con~munlcn!rd, qulckly. and nccds more aludy, ah0 adcicd. "I lhlnk llrry have Jusl never mnsldcrrd 

A tavnrabla Judldary Conlrnlttre rcporl wa# \Yhnl do blrlhparrnla wan17 

enolher dlcrnatkr, T%ry have ncvcr l~rcn 

sld~*lrackrd. The blll I8 klnu held lndellnlle- PA wenlmran'l cn~nary,'Thla wlll cnuso mcoumpd to mnshlcr lhrl the rlrll4 ham 

I b lor "changes." 

nu lain arid I'd Ilk8 r lrtlcr oncn 1 year. ennlllrr M-1 01 pnrmla. nlry can learn ti 

lllrlhparrnln kllcvr lllal ht-hlnd (ha op (rlllil~ rne lrow tha chlld I# dulng:.' Ira Inli~graloUanIhry ~lhmu~hll~clrHvca, orrJ' 

, palllnrr lie8 an untnundrd lcrr that lhcy on Camplm nays. 'Tho adopllnn syJ(crn k a Lhen It is no hlg dmd:' aha l ~uea I . 

,I hying lo "snnlch" the chlldrm back, @"g& clarcl door Inlcll~clually, an olwn door e~rlb 

, . TlnoncLh~~lmlh~~lrth~orml~nodndn)~~ 

Uiclr lml In lhc donr:' . . Uonnlly. and It Ieavra tla blrlhparrnta wltl~ lh~parcnlsrrtn to nwnn ln H~olnd~~pll~b 

Adeptlvo rutrnls say It h mom wrt. IM aour~~llng board. and a #re11 nccd la blow pJrrnLl nccd lrlurc tlrfurmsllan rl Ula tllilecl 

) ,4lcWl lam UlaL .law lhe child lr dulirg!'

I 

I 

I 

Ddar Abbv.. 

DEAR ABBY: 'l%nnk you lordne 

I 

far the rlbt of blobelcnl parent3 to - -.- - 

: remain amnyinous If lhey ~lsh. I ... B y ~ ~ B u r ---- o n 

: supper 'some' blolo~lcnl PEW~~ 

crmlddcnrly lovctobe~~ivllh 

LhC &lkl . ~ 

&v nave ub. kt for me It ndcntlal. and nd oh-and cerlnlnlv 

wodd be trahiiallc. "' '' 'L' . . ' ' not my child--would ever know ivhb 

.: ih& 14 wkri I #a& up lhe'cldld 1. hcr bloloslcnl ~nrtnb wem. ' '. 

I hsdemcclvedbymy@pfq~r:pat Other -mwd 'mothcm may feel 

part d my lilt W& a nlghh~, 

nrd, dlffercntly, but I haye no dcsln to 

' theday I tlgned away fny legal rlgfiti' Inlniddmvicll lnlolhell!eol lhechlld 

: to lhe baby 1 really did no1 want I, 1anveup);Enrs ago.and1 feel itwould 

: knew (ha1 I had do& Uw right thine:. be best 

... 

If lhnt chlld dld not cpne Into 

my we. 

~hen(hschlldbi~,~wlllbch,and: . I .pmlsed that my 

' 

by (hat (lmc 1 haps 1 wlllkm~cd; m d remdln imMi closed. And U 

ud hrw r d d by I ,'.: 

thcv are ever releu to avone. I 

. .AM&, tlm rr~ting th~d bcc- I sw (hc home rw violating oir 

a . wad a d d chlldra to malire that . ametltl 

' 

; . liminieisa, thcy are betlet of1 for . , .' CLOSED BWR' 

(I., having beell glvm (Ip lor ddopllon. ' . 

.. . 

' 

"'.: 

A& they shcu~dbc grateful to fie[r8 D& ABBY: I am 21. hm-. 

;' . Mdogial mothem. who had tha ~oodood ! been marrid bL;.' ' 

runjrf6 dw'chrm LO pWls who ', ' -' 

: ;. (" 

r ciM," il 

M; : ::. ' :'I . . . ; ,...,

-. . ..- . c,-,i .. 

- r- - >-., 

..... .-. . .. . ... .- ..-, 

I 

. ?'-:L,..A -":,-&.,, 

W' -.-,. ..- ,,...,.,,.. 

3 ' 

. . . 

. . 

. 

' I 

I ' 

. . . .. 

, . . . . 

, r .. 2 .--'--*.

Giviug a baby,'.in love and hope ' 1 

- - a. 

Dear Slrler Moon-I read your: .', I waA you lo know that on each of 

letter to January Love and you ended the wonderful gift you have glven us. 1 

, with a prayer that the daughter you so thank God and ask Hlm in some way to 

f unaelilthly and lovlngly gave away fat let my chlld's "natural" mother knob 

adoptlon will someday flnd you. that she dld the rlght thlng. 

I undent'hd and 

Please know that your chlld Is no 

YOU. I am the mother of two beau!ifu? very much lbved and happy 

adopted chlldren. 1 

she knowa that you loved her when you 

As I 'write thls, my S-~ear-old' . gcve her to us hnd still do now. 

daughter is "reading" a poem l c got 

for her blrthday from her aunt +at I know You never forget you;' 

week. . . ehlld, erpeclally on her blrlhday. ' 

She la a.beautlful; I?lelllgent, loving. That 16 why I pray for you on that 

child. Both she and ,my son' know' speclal day, that your heart will be at 

lomewhere they have 0 wonderful 1 reat and that you will know In my heart 

"natural" mother who. gaye blrth to I wlll be eternally grateful to you and , 

them. 

to all the "natural" mothera who gave 

. They know how much she lovedl forth a chlld In love and hope for 

them, but for many reasons was unable adoatlam. . . 

.---r. 

1 to keep thtm. , . You, and the others like you, have , 

'01 becruse her love was great. 

~UI~III~~ our i~ves. I WI sign with the 

h::lhlr deo t " h " , ~ ~ name ~ ~ qur r ~ daughter ~ . calls her Daddy. 

. . 

I ' MY B~lIlerbaII 

.I. 

- .. .. .-.-. - .- . 

..- -. ---. . 

. 

. . . . 

. . 

' ",","cta~ie 

1 . mother. ' . _ 

Ann ' Landers 

, . . 

. ... . 

. 

Ch;/d:~~f 

.. , . . 

' . 

pasf' un 

,., . ,; 

' 1 

Dear Ann: h a woman who Please advise adoptees that . know the pubUc. We phone year. He was a heavy smoker 

gave up a chlld for adoption, unexpected exposure of the people ' 

' 

mornlng, noon and and the doctor sald hls cancer 

may I expws my VleW? past can cause a great deal of ni realhe we could was caused by cigarettes. 

1 Several people are ressing damage, heartache and even . rson's nerves, but, I am wrltlng to ask why' 

for8 change In lcglsln P Ion (hat break up an olhcnvfse good rake (hat newspapers don't say 

would glve adoplees access lo mnrrlnge. - bled Forever 

our nerves, ."cancerw In Ule obllunry? I 

lhelr blrth rmrds. If such (I Hope!) ' too? . see "heart nllack" often, but 

1 Ieglslatlon Is passed (and. 1 Dear Sealed: I always have when I was a kld, /l cancer is rarely mentioned. 

hope It Isn't) It musl MOT bc taken the posltion that ado - remember my mothef 

retroactive. tlon .records should rema I' n tcnchlng us mnnncis. I'm only. 

scaled -,I forever - lo io years old and it seems llke 

Several ycsn when I everyone - and I shall con- manners are rnpldly golng out cnncer" In the oblluarles flve 

gave my child lor 

(hue to llold that Une, in splte of style. 

or ten IImes he would have 

'hey" Ihat 

a 

my of mountlng prcssurc from We talk to at 'least a lven up cl areltes Ion 

rsor s would remaln senled 

the opposition, .. hundred peo le e day, Would !elore he dl2 (Ile slop e 

- 

I tell all adoptees who wrl,e you belleve t at W per cent of smokln in 1810, but the ~ O C 

(Including the chlld); 

to me, "Your REAL parents (he tlmc we end u gelting o tor snl It was loo late.) 

Mosl natural parenb do not are tho people who ralsed rccelvcr slammed P n our ear? Please answer In the paper. 

wnnt a child of the ast lo *ou. Don't go poklng oround. Not so much as a "No. thank It mlghl glve some of lhosc 

suddenly enter thelr lrves. If ..\ou may regret 11." you" OF a "Goodbye." We Just edilors an Idea. Thank you. - 

my chlld ever comes lnlo MY* Dear Ann Landers: 1 am a end up talklng lo ourselves. Stocklon, CoUt 

11Ie. I will sue everyone In., Ielephonl~aoUcllor. My Job Please print thla letter to let Dear Stock: Most newvolvcd. 

Is"]; y, e bebt> way lo get lo coplc know there's a human s apers follow the wlsl~es of 

,..','.' ,,!.I !:!+ t * .. 

.--... 

. . 

[eln on the - Other End Of IC next of kln In rpeclfying 

' 

R 

. . 

The t ine 

the cnuse of death. 

Denr O.E.L.: Hcre's your I am not at all sure a 

\, 1ell.r - and 1 ho ll he1 i nlcollne add1 would qull 

"No, thank you" &Ckw jusPs .smoking If he rend "Mr. So. 

: sccondllo say. How about It, And-So dled of lung cnnccr." 

folks? 

Mosl people never think II 

Dear Ann Lnndera: My hus- Wlll hap en to lltctri. Il'y 

bund dled of lung cancer Inst nlwnys "1 lc other fellow." 

P 

f! 

! 

2

, . , . .. .. . 

- 

.. .n-rj.." C," T .:.- 

49,,..., .;. t, :, , ,,,- 

. .,,,;:':'. 

f 

> .' .. . 

; ,. ' 2 

. , :, . 

. 20 ;i: 

Thc 6osl011 Cblre 'Pu&dny. May 24, 1077 

. 

.'..' 

I s 

.'.?.. 

Dcar Clrosen Baby - I was so 

I happy to know that as an adopted son 

you have had such n wonderful, lovlng 

: lifc. It Is too.bad that your nnlurnl 

mother couldn't be assured of your 

happlncss. . . . I 

; It would probably mak;hcr future 

I 

llle free of gullt and release .an 

: unbearable burden from her. 

! I am a natural mother'who 

rellnquishcd my rights lo my beautiful 

baby daughter when I was 17 years of. 

age because of absolute necealty ,- I 

I had no other altcrnntive. 

I I loved her and stlll love her 

' 

desperately. She is constantly in my 

, prayers. I had to bellcve everyone who 

; 'told me I was doing the right thing. But 

. . 

! you nevcr know lor sure. .' 

A real mother wants nothlng more 

' . than her chlld's hnppincss. It Is not a 

j .legal right, but it seems it should be a 

: ' human rlghl to reassure her In some 

I way. . . 

I 

It's too bad the adoption agency' 

, :couldn't lntervenc it there was .real 

need on the part of clthcrone., . 

' You said an adopted parent lhould 

i not tell her child that her mother didn't 

: want her.. 

., ..' 

b I met many mothcrs at a home for 

!' unwed mothers and Ican honestly say I 

; never met one who didn't want her 

: . child. . 

; They wanted their chlldrcn lo have 

; a mother and a falhei, a chance to have 

! the klnd of 1lle.they couldn't provide 

, (at the tlme). 

I thought It was the most unselfish 

' thing anyone could do - to give up 

: nomeone you love in order for them to 

" have I better life. 

But I am not as sure of my 

convlctlon now as when I was "brain- 

/ washe.$' at 17 yearn of age. 

It la Inhuman tosuggest that anyqne 

: sign away thelr child and, then expect 

1 them to ncver, nevcr be assured for the 

i re?! of their lllc whether that chlld is 

r alive or happy. 

/ Pleate say a prayer for your natural 

mother. I'm curs ..., she . has raid many for 

.. .) 

IYOU. :' ' . . 

. . 

. Why people fail to grieve 

: j 

Wo flnrl I1 ~lsof~~l for ll~n pllrpnao nf 

: i tlrornpy lo clnsalfy tho cnlrsos oliltll~~ro 1s 

Dcnr Very Spcctnl PCOP~C - [gave ; 

grlcvo lor lln~llnlrrgicnl grlol) Into fiocinl , up my bcautlful lilllc dnuglltcr for 

. . 1 

. 

nnd psycl~ologicnl fnctors. 

8 , 

: ndoption. She was only 4 days old and I 

: Socinl rnclom wai just17. 

I could havc gottcn 

Us WOU!d 

married 

have 

but 

been 

1lIc 

hnve gono on wclforc 

of us 

n?uch of a future. 

, . 

At the hospital I fed and chnnRcd 

sit~~niion : 

a@cnt the time 

posalble with her. 

tvnnlnrr for boing "cnro- EVCPYO~C said that I shouldn't have 

inconvonlorlcirlg otllors, but I had to give her all my love while I 

occur wlion n tvonlnn could. 

willl lto~ll I wish I could~l~nve kept her but now, 

nborilon nnd ndnptlon, thorn ifi n task we both have n chance fore bcttcr life. 

grioving tobodo~~n.l~~~t il~osocinls~~~~~ior~ 1 love that littlcglrl cvcn though shc 

nocossnry lor tho procoss la oflon in- is livlng wlth somcone clac. 

When you wrotc that you could care 

Docnuso oftllo nllmbor of P~l~ionts who lcss about scclng yournaturnl parcnts, 

JO prosent tllomsolvos for lroip fc~llow~ng I felt that you wcrc also saying that you 

abortton or giving up o chlld, rvo could cnrelcasnbout thcm. 

tom r ~ ~ l I " in(l~Ir0 ~ I ~ ~IJOU~ tll~sn Pea- It cut me qultc dccp!y. Pcrhapa your 

for slbilllins In rill wolnori ol child-l~anring own felt as I do.That life would 

diaq "0. Tilo dlngllosls Ifi lllnro corlain tv1io11 be coslcr and better for you wlth 

frlen fllo prosonlolion for help OCClJrS, ns 11 .. somconc clsc. 

I ~flcn cloos, on tho annlvorsnry of tho loss. 1 would love to my daughter ns 

ever- 

she grows. 1 want hcr lo know why I 

whel ; chosc lo give her up. I don't want hcr lo 

whet 

hate me and to care lcss about mc. I 

me I 

door. 

fecl. 

N , 

Don'! 

your 

W ! 

quiet 

help. 

have 

notcl 

- 1, 

: 

i 

! 

. 

want hcr to undcrstond. 

Perhaps you have thought of why 

your ,mo;hcr gave you up. I hope you 

try to understand. 

I rcalizc thnI' my becoming pregnant 

was a mlstnkc but I will nevcr think of 

my littlc daughter os one. 

. I will ncvcr rcgrel giving hcr life. 1 

will ncver hntc hcr. 1 will somclimcs 

rcgrct glvlng hcr up but 1 know I1 wns 

all for the besl. 

Ilovchcr,~, 

~t ~Cncc

. a . 

.......... -.- 

- - . 

... 

:.. ..... 

. . 

. . 

. a;;.. By EVA FELLOWS , - 

i 

something to go by," s)lle ?aid In a recent Divorced three limes, LeForl uya he WM is permitted access Lo such mnl. '', 

Sufl Wrllcr Inlprview. told by a DCYS caseworker in lPlO lhat - . "Your parmu' rlghu in your bahl( nm . , 

CPlifonJo more than a decade ago ta mlalm '{usel over the years to pmvids .Inlomasion kid$ as long as I was dlvorclrd!' atlaplnl perwn,".lhe caun olflclal uid. " ... ::: 

Wh& )ViUiem kFort rsturned fmm )'LeFort ray. he believes that DCYS'r re, "there wa, no way I could lake care ol bdlh never' knni~(ed, Ulsrdow YOU 49 Dpl v;::,.j 

f cuatody 0l hls dauphler, hc promiued Lo re- thal could lead them to Darreil -or give the H~ he married his fourth and pr-t Th.1 rul4 -I, In eht. DqUhu : 

lulik bar wlbher bmlher,.Darrell, as well. buy lnlormnllon that could lead him ta 'hem . wife in 1871, a year before Damll w u aCce@ InlomU~ about DdJ& bu b. 

. HB bs bren unable to kwp that promise, - is a "coverup." adopted. awn"I cannot ~uat can't obmtn underrUnd informntlon why. -1 Dam11 bLn la .: 

and bo b w tbe state, whlch he asys kept "1 "Ink there should be an inveati~atiOn*". DCYS, however, denies LFart'a marltat jPllowed to 

Darrall Inrm hlm when ha returned Lo Con- IaF0* "If decide lo .(live a. ~retus worked againrt blm. "We have Iota of 

her, bur rhe im,L pnr)iw lo ,: I 

' 

.,. ,':..'t:l 

wctlcu~ kcuuva llcr war divorced. daughkr hack Lo a single man, then why not. who wem ,hgls,m M,.,; finfl~arr~il," krFort 

: . ' '"'I" 

i A apqlre#woman for the alate ~cparttnent ' 

Drlvcoll sald. 

Today, Deniae my8 ahr la dllraun(ydd '.ri 

DCYSwunte* that 11 13 [&Fort who 1s not h d f.eFon0s alie;alion &at DCYS naver 

about' mibr lcatlng Dnmll, bvlny q. .$; 

of Cldldr~ and Youth &NICCI calls LeFort'~' ,,,lline llle whole 

avvllv 

clargm upwarranled. 

"You have to 

attempled Lo inlurm him about Damll'r her The two LeFo~ h.v. utwi for 

Out part of aPDpUon hearins In 1812 is unfounded, Mrs. :aII;8m, ,fmm a . 

LFort8 20 and a SuJf'eld res'- saying," Rosemary DrlscoU, the agency's ~ ~ a,,ya. she ~ ~ D Y recora 

~ ~ ls~,,,w 

l 

a(N,, 

and bmrher* a year younycr* were spakeswomw, said in e recent lnlerview. "I agency,s ~ l ~ 01 b i ~ aurt ~ .tap olficblr, Including DCYB Comqlulomr .:; 

; lepara& lBW, Iier by thlnk he's laklng some cheap shots thal are s\s&redlrttera~ ~Forltnbo&Connecticut Mark J. Mnrnu and Gav. WlUm O'tJwl ': 

:. than from teForL, left 'he chlldru, wtp a . mmpletcly unwurrurltd.- 

Calilomla, but h~orl amrally m ~ 

but 

~ 

'hose 

e 

oofflclaU 

~ 

say they can't help. .i.!.. 

I: babynitwr ana never returned. To withe she said. "1 du't i d wslm prtt~n(l my*lqm,":.,. 

Denlre and Dmrrell Mame ward# of fie 

guilty of olten, "withoul eyer leaving a forwardlnp Drnisa says. 

. .'. 3 . ~ 

abandoning his family when he moved to ,,address," 

' 

i state. ~enlae WM placd In a Cllnbn foster Caiifornla after his dlvorce lrom Denim's k~~~ wntenb he was IlvIng In Connec- A skpron, 

LcFort hea had other dlftlcultl~~ mencly 

: hunle# bUL there* ahu sayr. When molher. And 'haugh LeF0i-t returned Lo 

Con- ticut at the time of Damell's ndoption hear- cently 

Clouuer, dlupw & . 

tellinp f,,snd be irrtrndbdLo u,, ,; 

' . krFort returned to the amte In IW, Denise necllcut ta reclniln his children, he had' 

hg, and DCYS could hve lracked hlm 

was placed in hls care. "10 earn the ri@l gain than hack*" Mn. 11 it renlly wanted ~o."~f I owed child hlmelf over a breakup wllh a gIrllrland. ; 

Whlls the alate Department of Children Drlucoll $&id. 

LFort hnr beaD Iold Ihpt 

s"ppn Or ullmony, they P has t,een ~n the area, 

, and Youth Servicev allowed bFon, who Denbe was given back to her falher ........ yowq w,* ..... 

: live; in Windsor Locb, and kise to have because "they had qulk a bond betwen 

. . ;-, 

HIS lint official notiflcoilun 01 Dnmll'a ."!" 

: three brief vislki wlth Darrell pt his foalrr them. We let her KO back On a trial basis a d adoption briny cnms fmrn DCYS, lhrp 

bFon rays bo ir deteiminnd b 

, Denise irad Dsmll ' m u 

borne in 1970, it hpd the buy allupled lornully -when we Yaw it work&-- we iet?rrsU~," ye,, later, be said. 

he lPrg*ly, ;.; 

1 In LUIZ. . Mrs. Drircuil auld. "On Peb. 22, lY72 your parental rlgblr lor tirat 

rt~~onaible 

place, 

lor their hlng 

. 

seporay.h :: 

. . ,... ,.. . . 

' LeFort charyes the uule dlJ not obtain his ' But with Dorrell. "there was no rela- Darrell wcre ~nnl~~s~cd.'l the leller aaya in. 

i 

,,Nomatter me'my hqqil.;. . .:. 

perm&i!~n to put R~rrdl up &r &duplion. tion~bip, no COnWcl with hi9 father. 1 don't part. :'We have had cunlacl wiUl Darrell . . 

,.. ..-. 

The aWLa dcnicy lhut cliargq,.. ..... thmk ttuw 'hello, how-are-YOU' type vlaiu he lust year and lourul hlm Lo be well 

In any &p ef,ec),d,,be ha constilure a rclirtiorrst~ip." ahr uddrJ. 

me decision u, put Darrel1 UP for an3 ~UPI~Y." Anti-nub ?emonrtr~t~g~. ._.. ' . 

bats ?a fr,atrn(n the l.uliom' huwu 01 find. ndoptlon LeFort ta Darr6u . .. . . 

- a move Ullrl eivwl 

, 

, 

Inr Durr"* ;a'' .uwh 'hqL has hcO1ne m- ~~wwn~t-ik~~g&%i%kE wound down alter he rwelved the notiflca- planned at EB shiflyqrg ., 

' 

,. .- 

/. 

sornetbfng of an obaraalon in recent yeura. ,"I lul Year, wtlen &,,he Lila her . . . . . . . 

, , ... 

. .: Deqiua wked lor cuurt parmission laat Dri~cuii *'Our cOrnmllmenW ptillon in Hnrtlurd Superior Court dCmWd- GI~OTON (AP)-- Anll-nudear waoVO8U' 

year ldpcrure DeYS recurd$ dlat tnay have ~omet"tUl mde wlli~n~ll~. we're lhe , 'ing access w DLII ln~omtlun about her . actlv,a~ uerernnaUngplnn~ Frl*@y for P May 

enpMe4 her lo truck her broU1er down, but hwine*~ of prolecling children," she wid.' .; brulher. 

! . . . . Day dernonatralion on Sunday at Electrlc 

a hqr rtquest was rejected. But LcFort,auys DCYS didn't rrtum Doc- She wes turned down bucnlt~e, a wUT( Bunt DIvIsIon shipyard In Groton. wbqrr trl. 

I 

"!All 1 wanrrmlws.Jun~ a liltlp,lnf~~rpirtion reil In hla care bacu(ru#,4 bliC,prik?) sWW, .,pffi,$~ql r#W, 01liY ~ \ ? ! , ~ ~ ~ R Yc@lnw~~~~l~U94~bmhr:&~~ 

c i r l ~ 

. . . 

: . 

....... . .- ... 

. 

. :. 

!, , 

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8 , , . , . . ..:. , 

. 

, ... 

~ 9 . . . . , . 

8 . 

L . . . ._........ :.:... ........... '._._.*.. : ' ' . ..:*, 

*-.r-.. ...a. C . :.,.A. 

. ,.:. ,. ,.-

Guilt 'Can Become Habit r 

, . 

. , 

I . ' 

. , 

-E.M. 

, ' 

have provlded? You made 8 dlfllcblt dccl#lon bnt y0.u 

.I acted In the lnterert of the cblld. Mort teenrgerr rre wt 

repared for the many rerpoarlbllltle8 of prrmtlng. Tbls 

ooe.of the rerronr there1# rucb r.blgb rate of cblld 

i. '.18bubb among very young parent#, ' ' , . . 

: ' Look rt your guilt for what It 11.- an act of relf- 

!ndulgcnn. Try to look at the rltuatlon ratlonrlly. If you 

:.. . can, you may feel 8 nenre of prlde becauae In an 

, . unfortunrte rltontlon you acted rerponrlbly, w t relflrbly. 

Forgive yournelf for .the lnltlal error rod turn to the : 

: pre#ent,.To;dweII outbe pbrt is mbbln(l you and your 

id .y,famlly;:Fbrget (be part. It'# over and tblr flnt chlld of 

': , yours lr probably loved and llvlng well bceau#e of the 

dectrlon you mads. . . ,. , . ;! . . . . .. .

- . . . . . . - 

Looking for their kids 

They seek: the children they gave to adoption 

- 

By CMim Btnvu 

Judy hneU has 8 Cyeudd - 

- 

hey amka d hit mrd~ cd ibs dopUon. Even V~III m ntlomy, she 

Unmpdn) Inu(nUrm .ad epllmlm, U*L IaUurw ml ruccuaa d d ml 1st Ihe baaplW lo dve brr m& c4 Lbs 

"MoUur uho pho bd had glw u child for ldoptb* In "hlnl. bW. 

d IL~ b m t c d ~ mI# n tRb mw 8flunlbn." Find , 8 few monw ago. Le rrnived a Ietlcr 

That adverllaemont In a newaprpar'a personal my'n amRr h fdHY lwcd. Sbe'a 8 fm a d 0 In a marby carnl UI.1 lnilcalclled MI caui 

gcrllon two )~rarr a10 was he ba lnnlnl ol Judy CO*"@UVC~ UIOYI M U W C lunll~.nd ~ ~ ~ rbcn had RCOd 04 he adopUa lc augtalclled JudJ hln a 

ex's rnr& lor bcr 01 brr &tl. ahd became pmyl. wlhut belw nunid, 14 run hwer loobuln further W m a h 

M &, .ad Be kg hputnll 

uuch Irn 110. UI* only w, w n tier iarn~y wu yrrs lo ma or mw. ~ut'a rbout u 1.1 u ~ can to. ~n 

we. 

rdopUm. WNls Wg'r Wd ud Iamlly lflwiun llll~0l1, rr In many olher ~lales, Lba court real, 

"i few pbmr (w.a, but ~n C.U, mltht be more nupportlve - about W reenl 01 adopHon recotdl ud hu m ~bll a t h had dve bWlpsr. 

Urn -uy [m wornm wlnbd lo (.u. I "lxod" mohn mx chmre had knp ~vlr EM*-- 14 en11 av Inlorm8llon. ~xceplfona are made 11 the 

wmkl had do more:' JudJ aayr. yean #LO July uya, rhe dldn't mrukhr WIN atbt b l ~ w nhaa l m m lo wpcrt U~I ~hc thud b 

O" lhar ih a Concermd m e bWp. But had lure (bao ~ p i c h 

B-"' ' IT'' lrrmp 'lut "k*% %&%?$tncy cwn~~lln JudJ ~?t%pannl bar lo know *men ibs ahlld h, ud 

blrUIpgrgnta 'boul 

long 

alpncd p. n xlh 8 ptlvrts allomy kr w ~ xllh whom. , 11'1 a ma1 ~kh-a. 

C~M at b&. no wn~loh~ home atr~b~ lo rl ud '*YOU luvs lo have e," JW s.y~. ,,jwt 

later brw lo -1 u * I *IUelw3 In 8 *Y&!. 

"1 THoV(II~, T,aee I nccd M much help my^! 'black ~rrfrt" -. 

... Ib. berl Ibk I cdd do wu lo brmms r INI) 10 JUDY AND mtE. ClJB mcmkn. It hn'l 

reprerantallva - help olhora and ulllmalaly help hf?Efl BI(R GAVE 801'111, her "problem" was inns rurlauR Uul drivu U~em low UIelrcbUdnn. 

my~d!." not tone. she had brrn lold UI aha war dolng UH best .~hev have a ~WPIC~IO~ lo h wlul'a brmm 

61rua Juuan. Judy hu k n lerdlnt CUB mwl. UII"g for herrcll 8rd her cNM, ud for awhlle. he d hclr mn nth end bld. 

lnga a1 I m on Lh ilnt Sunda of he monh at Ua bellaved It. Bul th* msmory ol that chlld - and Cdlomla laws are more Ubcrd Uun mme. Judy 

F~~UIY &&a and b n la 6mtrmmn rn MU QUCIUULI what ) ~d )UP I M had ~ h~r, wha~ mi d as I m1.1 ag~ntler WIU act mr a ID~~IWWO pmvla 

VaUe . h m he Inr wh how4 up at LO flnt parenu aha had, whrl idoRc4 upbdnm nle war drma~oa lo blN!psrcnu about aQpUvc &nu a3 

meslfnt, lhr ranks have swelled and the troup ~~~uR1-btmhadbUl Judy, 

vlcc.vena. 61W. he rdopUve p.mU are Ynder m 

mnlalnr mtmbcn in varbua atatci c4 Uvlr urmh, nlr~lptt~u Nwm( lo psi our -rl-ga bck ~WltaUon lo Elve MN~parenlr an). InlonnaUon. and 

Bome have avm 1 4 lhelr rhlldren lo whole. ' ha rayr. 'a Wo'va lwl mmeUJrU." bW mnu cuu~~l 

It I canlact Ur CU dlmclly 

Al Ihe Novrmbr CUB mrrllnt, about I& pople In hat elfort, Judy and her hugbud Msnud have ulutR Or gb hU m~C~~f*III IB. 

taUvnd l Ion# co~Iemnco LaWr *I UH ravh#s wrillcn hundndr d k~lcrs lo mlrl nrmclcs, rwil 

ad loln. llw lormat waa rlm I*: Judy irked tach lo and lu~l~~u he mUly land lurmwt mrn~ral MAjlY IOU (Ue olhcr CUB memkra ihc asked lo 

W1 blr or hcr a ~ Am~d . lnu$lcr ud ocrw~on~I ~oud lo I&L jud ,jeuverd. nwaw &he !A 

to 

bcnUkd by llrat m a only) ud brr hlubsnd wem 

Dplvr hm Wlr olhsr chlldmn pLyln( In a mrner - hmuth en almcy, rL wu lold here m~fit MI br 

* 

any 

ke CUldno, iute DS 

: < : I1 Id. < 1, t:5 I' 1 &J , 1 1 ,I 1;Ll 

L , LJ. I?. .

h pame Dl 

able to find her U-year-old daughter with the ossla(ance 

oi a Wfornla salal agency, nnd "(hmugh a lot of 

letten and a lot of seuchln 

It turned out the adopJ$rents Ute only a few 

mllu from Maw Lou. She her huttuDd dmve by 

the bow. A few blocks down tbe stmt wu a gmup of 

chlldrrn. Ow glrl caught Ma Lou's eyr 

"'Ihat'r k; them she%," Mary LOV (Uld her 

husband She told the llmup "I was scared to denth. I 

(boueht, 'what U she seen me?' But Lhm 1 rrallzed she 

aouldn't know me from Adnm" 

Ihe girl wu Idd her daughter. Whm M w Lou 

eontdcted the a 

md), they tmalnl 

her wilh rv.spd!:$ZE a%ng I* teUlng her 

about her da ter nnd enclosed a picture. But they 

"P 

d d they had ccldcd, nfler wul scarchlne, that It was 

too som fm a don. ney pmmlscd one when they 

felt tbe chUd was ready. 

"Nothln&l8 u bd aa the scarehtnp," M q Lou 

dd. "But mhh# h had, too." 

IOM AND CINDY RUi5MW am Dd00tIve parents 

lmll~c some adoptive pamtd ~OWI fee^ ttmrtened 

by be he ot tbe blrthpaml. Becaw Ury both 

am Infertile, h y privately ndopted r rm two years 

ago lad wen La conW contact witb tbe bir(hmothu. 

"Weera sce mmuchdLaurleLahlm.. . udweUllnL 

it'r mddl," Mn. Rcnshrw dd. Sbe addcd that they 

are ''-trying to put pltto(letb*r u much (Lrdonnatim) u wi 

un... mUnadwhmhewmbtotamaboutblabirth 1 

faidly m'll be able to bdp him." 

Rcnrhrw'Mtd. "I rreqpllra the magnitode of the 

P 

1. nnd I'll be galdul for Ulat untU the day I die, . . . 

or Qurle's) gl* tu m qrportuuily to have a family 

aseauldmthavehd~." 

I 

'by (bc wry, she llve Ln Wta Itma.' " 

Rbadr ru ahle to nmtect her daughter there 

wbem rrbe ars Uving with We&. "Her -ta moved 

to Vlndnla ad h didn't want to. She fl& - I was 

7 

uvudlomcrkre." 

"It's been a v naturnl" don, Rhonda sald 

"We're so mueh%ke It's unreal, our Ukes, our 

dldka." 'Ib Ent evenlog they uw each other, "we 

rmt out to d!m=r. Wc mm both aittlrig UKla p.~lUn# 

the mushrooms off our ~lrtea." 

sltthy uletly next to Rhoo- 

Ibe daughter. ~m&, 

dn's olkr daughter nnd Rhmdn slather, sdd all them 

was to be uld vwy rlmply: "I'm happy." 

a f ddy contact Lrr that atate fmmJudy; 

"I tbaunbt it waa a dad end. but Ullc is mv second 

Another woman, after 

mrm yean d surchln 

has famd her i+y-8 

daughter, but isn't sure 

how to go about contacting 

the lady and lud come 

to the gmtp for adrlce. 

Still mather, Helm, feels 

rtuck becam ibe (hlnlra 

the ado tire parents 

c.han.Sed &elr name and 

moved, bclleviw sbe hnd 

lpns lo ma the blhrather 

and xght try lo 

rotrleve tbe chlld.

Articles Book III - Pg 300-560 (Birthparents) - triadoption

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