Articles Book III - Pg 300-560 (Birthparents) - triadoption

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SUPPORT FOR THE 0
RELINQUISHING MOTHER
Tho csscrlco of tho rollnqulslllng oxporlonco Is lhol I1 Is a cllolco.
a major lllo doclslon lo surrcndor all pnronlnl rlghls loono's chlld.
Tlro cnnlplcxlly of lhls dcclslon may vnry lrorn womnn lo woirmri.
Sonlo womon know Iron1 tho llrsl ronllzallon ol lliolr bolng prow
rianl lhnl llloy will plnco lllolr boblos lor adopllon; llicy so0 no olll.
cr allornnllvos as roa11s11c cholcos; Inlolloclually, surrondorlng Ill0
baby sooms tho mosl reasonable. Somo woman's Ill0 slluallons
dolormlno tho cholco lor Illom; lhoy woirld ralso lholr chlldron I1
Ihoy could, but lhoy lack lho lamlly supporl or llnanclal Indopoiid.
ence or tho soclal ncceplanco of lllolr bablos whlch lhoy soo ns
lmporlanl lo laklng on the lash ol paronling. Somo wnnlon wnnl
so much lo hoop lholr bablos, lravc such lovlng and lender loollngs
lor them, but moro than lholr loollngs. Ilioy aro concarnod lor tho
opporlunlllos lholr bablos wlll hnvo.
Tho con~ploxlly ol a declslon lo surrondor or rnlso tho child Is
lnlenslllcd by lho lac1 that It is ollcn mado undor tho normal psy.
chology slross ol prognancy or poslparlum. It Is ollon undor tho
slross ol havlng ondod a lovlng rolallonshlp wllh a man. II Is ollon
mado by molllors who aro yo1 children Illomsolves - who lor tho
limo must slrugglo wllh tho roallznllon that somo lllo doclslons
cannot be rovorsed. II le occaslonally mado by a woman who Is so
lraumallrod by her pregnancy lhal llloro is 1101 the lnlelloclual or
emollonal slronglh lo mnko any doclslon; sho lets olhore lnlluonco
her doclslon almosl tolally.
Rogardloss ol whelhor a woman makos bar doclslon wllh oaso
or only nllor a lo1 of personal slrugglo. tho surrondor ol hor baby
lor adopllon needs lo be rocognlzod as a grlol produclng oxporl.
enco. Tho wqrnnn who surrondcrs her baby has molhorod llor clllld
Ihroughoul prognancy; she has grown allached lo her baby In tho
sanrc ways as tho mollior who wlll parent her chlld lor a lllo llmo;
she has crealod a lllo lo whlch sllo glvos blrlh wllh all of Ibo power
ol lhal oxporionce, and when sho says goorlbyo lo her baby, sho
may loo1 all ol the ovorpoworlng omolionn ol tho molhor whoso
neeborn has died.
Tho lac1 lhal she has losl hor baby by cholco docs no1 mako I1
an easlor sapnrallon. In lacl, I1 moy mako lheoxporlence morodll.
licull lo rosolvo. Her baby lsgono lo hor In tho same physlcnl way,
bul lor many rollnqulslllng molhors, 1110 dolacllmonl can never bo
complolo. Tlroto Is always llro wondorlng: Is my baby happy? Woll?
Loved by hls adoplivo paronls?
In any work wllh rolinqulshlng molhers, ospoclolly loon molhors,
you wlll IInd the1 you aro ollen doallng wllh on onllro lamlly's ro.
sponso lo lllo prognancy. Thoroloro, supporl oxlondcd should bo
oxlondcd lo the onllro lamlly. Famlly membors, especially parents,
ollon look lo llie prolesslonal lo guldo and counsel thelr daughlor
lhrough lhls lllo crisls, or assumpllons aro madons lo whal la host
wllhoul dlscusr.lng allO1nallvos. Al a llmo wllan lamlly commu.
nhallon is ossor~llal. (hero may bo none. Theta Is ollon tho leer Illol
If anyllllng Is snld. I1 wlll n~ako 1110 oxporlonco nloro dllllcull so II
is best lo say nolhlng. Tills can result In parents belng unawaro
01 tho dlllicully Ihelr dnughlor tacos and her unsuronoss about any
dcclslon. Al the sumo llnle, a young molhcr may bo unawaro
ol hor lamlly'e true leollngs. lholr loollngs ol sadness In lolllng go
ol a graridclllld, a nolco or nopllow.
Thls, ol courso. no1 onlv has an lmoacl on lllo doclslon mndo
Any work wllh rollnqulsl~lny pnronle and lliolr larnllloa should
no1 bo bosod on 1110 assumpllon ll~al all wlll "Slnrl a now lllo", but
llrnl 011s oxpcrlanco wlll bo lnla(lral@d 11110 llro lulur0. Wlrollro1 lllo
oxporlonco can bo rccallcd wllh somo dcgroo ol colnl~ll or orlly
wllll a lronloridous sonso ol pulnand sodness wlll dcpond lo norno
oxlonl on tho lypos ol supporl nnd nsslslonco glvon ol tho llmo.
Whnl nro tho noods ol 1110 loonogo moll~or who plnns lo ourrondor
hor lnlnnl lor adopllon?
Llko any oxpoclanl nlolhor, she noods lo llavo pooplo nround her
who con rclnlo lo her prcnnnncy evporlenco. Llka olhor 1110lllClS
lnlcrosled lrr undcrslsndlng Itlo procossos 01 pregnancy nrrd cl~~ld.
blrlh, sllo wants lo learn molhods 01 "laking those salo nnd cam.
lorloblo exporloncos lor horsoll and hor babo. Sho mny nccd on
courngomonl lo oxprosr poslllvo loollngs aboul hor prognnncy, lo
havo somwno who mawcls ol hor body chsngos wllh her, who lakes
pleasure In soolng tho movomonl ol her baby wllh her, wllo can
slraro somo sonso 01 joy wllh hor III tho lllo lhal grows wllhln. On
ll~oolhor hand, sho may nood polmlsslon loexpross nonnllvo fool.
lngs aboul hor prognailcy or her fcors ol chlldblrlli. Somo relln.
qulshlng molhcre fool lhal lhoy desorvoony dlscomlorls lnvolvod
In lhoso oxpetloncos and havo no righl lo try lo malto lhom bollor.
Speclllc lo 1101 pronnlal caro, tho rellnqulshlng molhor noods
conllnully ol coro. If she Is golng lo a cllnlc where ooch vlsll sho
Boos a now rosldonl. a dllloronl doclor, or anoll~or mlrlwllo, llloro
wlll bo lllllo opporlunlly lor her lo dovolop a rclallonshop wliero
sho can shnro hor roal loollnge. Ollon, a cllnlc nurso can lnko on
tho rosponslblllly ol sporldlng some llmo slmply ns a supporl por.
son wllh an lndlvldual molhor durlng each prenalal vlsll.
1
l WISH
I coirld bo rosponslblo wlll~oul pooplo lolllrig mo how
lrrosponslblo Ianr.
Ann
Caro provldars should be colrcornod wllh:
a) her soclal and psycl~ologlcal supporl syslcms and rolor hor lo
spproprlalo groups or agonclos 11 sho Is no1 yo1 lnvolvod wllh
some program.
b) Iho lmmonslly ol tho dcclslon she locos, maklng corlnln lhal
sho has tho bcsl posslblo opporlunlly lo docldo whsl will bo
bcsl lor hor baby and horsoll, rolcrrlng llor lo npproprlalo coun.
soling II noodod.
c) holplng her plan hor labor, birth and poslpnrlurn oxporlencc. In.
volvlng hor In dcclslons aboul those, spoclllcally dlscusslr~g
hor loollngs about rolallng lo her bshy durlng tho poslparlum
porlod, holplng her lo bocomoawnro ol llio options sho has and
preparing her lor tho poworlul locllngs sho may oxpcrlcnco In
proparing lo say good.byo lo hor baby.
Childblrlh cducnllon should bo an npllon lo molhcrs who plan
lo surrondor lllolr lnlanls. Somoaaonclos andcnro ~rovldcrs host.
and 111; comlorl wllh llial doclslon, II his an lmpncl on the way tho lalo lo rolor molhcrs lo clllldblrlh ~lossoo, loarlng 1l;al llio clossos
erocrlonco .-- is dcall wllh In tho luluro. Slnco II Is no1 ooonlv shared wlll ln~10nso I110 dllllcullv 01 lhc cxnerlonco. Thls Is unlorlur~olo
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al tho llnic. It will bo dllllcull lo sllnro In 1110 luluro. Pcrllnps lhls slnco sonslllvoly slruclurid chlldhlrlil classas can ollor rollnqulsh.
le who1 rnakos rellnqulsl~lng an lnlanl lor adopllon such a lorrlbly lng nrolhors a aonso ol communlly. Involvomenl In classes can
lraurr~allc or~crlonco. Tho rollnoulshlno molllcr and all orour~d hor ptovldo noollod reossuranco ll~rounl~ shallno con~mon ex~cllanccs
are oxPoclod lo lor go^. ~ ~ ll~o'adopl~n
k o rocords thomsolvos, I ~ O lacod by 811 prognanl women. ~11oiae1 111at tiyoung womon WIII sup
subjrcl Is sealed once II Is over. Tho sndnoss, llin gulll. tho sonso ol rolldol her Inla111 docs no1 suporsodo lho raallly lllnl sho 13 nlolllcr.
inadequacy. tho grlevlng, tho long.torm paln are prlva~o, hlddon, Ino 1101 clilld In pregnancy and has ncods common lo all oxpoclanl
proleclod..nll looollon loll as on unlionlod wound.
moll~ors.
cant, on rioxl pago