Articles Book III - Pg 300-560 (Birthparents) - triadoption

pnrcr~ts nrc nlwnys under prcasuro I rccogt~izc In hcr voice the anme
to prove Lhcy nre pcrfcct pnrsntn.
nhnky gro1111t1 of gullt nnd sorrow
Thcy bcco~nc overly ~rolcctivc, on which we llvc. Llkc me, nhc
overly nn~bitious for thcir cl~ildren.
cllnaa to the fcw fnct~~nl dctniln of
In tl~c cnd, thcy cnn't help being
which we nrc surc: ngc, weight,
disnl~polntccl.
Limc of birth. And yct thcae chil-
"Thcy nrc nfrnld of rcjcctlon drcn nro morc thnn nmorphoua. To
nlso. Dccnusc thcrc in no hlood kt~ot,
us, tl~cy nrc rcnl.
thcy hnvc tl~e accrct feeling tbnt
Oncn you stnrt tnlicina nbout it
tho psycl~clogicnl knot cnn bc unticd
openly, tho pcoplc who nrc in this
nt nny Lin~c."
trnp wit11 you sccrn to come out of
I nnk Hctty Jcnn, nomconc I'va
tilo woodwork. A rcportcr interknown
for ycnrs, if she consldcrs
viewlnn mn In All~nny, n friend I
hcr own ntioi~tlon succcssf111. "Thc
once workctl with on n nc\rapnpcr,
ccm~nonity tvoultl sny so. But I
puts down hls psncil nnel pntl nncl
snys: "Tho snmo thing hnppencd
to my sister. I don't know how ahc
fcels nbout it bccn~~sc she's never
qucnlion whctl~er thcro la renlly nny
tnlkcd nbout it." Another rcportcr
'rvell.ndj~rslcd' ndcptec."
who's writing n story nbout me
Shc is Lnlkit~u oholct nty dn~cohlcr.
I cnnnot hcii~ it, my CYcs fill with
cnlls bnck for more Itlf~rmnti~ll.
tcnrs. It docs not n~nttcr thnt I tell "I cnn't hcllcvc it," hc anyn. "I told
~nysclt 1 nrn n writer, nn obacrvcr
tho womun next to mc what I wns
of thc sccnc, thnt I bnvc gono over
working on. nnd sho snys she's It
this ground mcticulo~~sly nnd so
nnturni n~ollrcr too. 1 ncver wculcl
811nny titncs. hnvc thought it!' I confi~lc Illy
Uctty .lcnnln cn~pnti~y fllla the
story to n new frlcnd. "Oh my
nlr nnd surrounds us. We nrc in n Cod," ahc snys. "hle too."
sitle\vnlk cntf an hlnnhnttnn'a Went
Whnt 1 rncnn by nll this is thnt
Si~lc, clone to the npnrtn~cnt where
nrc pccplo who nrc nn norn~nl ns
Uctty Jcnn liven wit11 her husbnnd,
rve cnn be. \Vc hnvc pone on to
Tlobcrt Jay Liflon, nnd Lhcir two
mnkc ncw livca. But we n~nkc them
children nnd dogs. It is n wnnn
tvith the children in our minds.
spring evcning, nnd the sun is going
down. Everything is flushcd with
Whnt nlrout the rcunions? I'rc
goitl.
l~cnrd n lot of stories:
-- ' DctLy Jcnn snys silo thinks thnt "I fo~rnd her In Knnsas. When
thc most dnmngcci lo the nnturnl . I cnilcd shc snid 'Whnt took YOU
n~oti~cr. "Adoptioa is tikc nn nnliruso
long?' Cnn you hclicvc thnt? I
tntien, for tho child wns n part of
111ct hcr i~uahnncl nnrl my hnlf alstcr
hcr physiologicnlly. Sianing tl1~8c
nnd brother when 1 went out thcrc.
pnpcrs must bc iikc n clcnth ritunl.
It wns wondcrtul to Iccl that there
i Anti thc pnin trnun~ntizes hcr wholc
I
was n fntt~ily I wns connrctcd to."
life, n life sl~o in cxpcctccl
...
to build
"Thc strnnyc pnrt is, nfter I
upon n accrct."
met my mothcr, I felt closer thnn
I nln not kecl~lng my sccrct vcry
ever to nay otl~er moti~cr-the one
well. Two ycnrs ngo, I testincei In
who rnisc~l ma!'
court for n wolnnn sccking her
records. Sincc thnt dny, I l~nve nppcnrccl
on tolcvislon, written nlngn-
"Whcn I a~ct her, we Kern like
zinc nrtlclcs, apokcn to groups of
strnngcrs. But cnn you in~nginc
ndoptivc pnrcnts, hcndcci pnnein of
looking for tho flrat timc in your
nnturnl mothcrs for nudiences of
life nt n~~othor fncc which rcsclll.
ndopteeh, hcrt~ on the front pnl:c of
lllcs yours? Aflerivnrris, I went
Tha Nnlio~~ul Obacrvor nsti tl~c Op.
~1101V~ing to act n prcncnt tor my
Ell pngc of The Neru l'ork Tin~rs,
son, and I rcnllxcd that 1 wns t~o
lonscr looklns nt thc fncca in ~IIC
nnd the subjcct of fcnturc storlcn
crowd for one like mine."
m~scif. Son~clltncn nay piclurc runs
too. I wllnt thosc recortls opcn fnr
"hfy nl0Lllcr llns ncvcr tol6l hcr
nly tlnuahter: I will clo tny irsrt. I
get nlttll fro111 otl~cr nnt~~rnl it~othcrs
wllo si~y they support whnt I
1 dollla, but they nrc not \vill/na
to go on pul~lic recorci. So~ncli~~~es
thvrc nrc lnnp-~lintnncc 11l1ono cr~lls
intc nt nl~i~t. "I've ncvcr nllokc~~ to
nnolhcr wonlnn who gnvc l~cr cl~ibi
nwny." oao W~IIIIII~ nuill rerc~~tly. "I
hnvo three other chil~lrcn, Iwt I
cnn't ~ e ! my l nrinri off tl~e onc I gnvc
nwny. Ilc'a ti~lrtec~~!'
other chllclrcn nbout me. So fur,
811 ~OCSII'~ \Vllllt IIIl! 10 lllC~t ~~~CIII.
But just I~nowing tho nt~stvcrs clvcx
me thc fcelitlg tbnt now, nt lnnt, I
Clll~ i~cgin to ~nnkc pcncc wit11 illy.
self. Ilcforo I fotr~~tl III~ ~noti~cr I
nl\r.nyn fclt iiko I wns in trnnait
fiuinr: noa~cl~lnccine."
Thc point In, nr nll tilo rcncnrch
flcrenonstrntca, Ihnt 01 thc nrvcrnl
l~~~n~ircd clocun~cntcd rcsniona,
tl~crc is not n disnstcr ntltonC
1hen1. For oven If lhc nrlo~~lce finds
less-thnn-lovinl: pnrcnta-or C\.CI
If nnturnl l~nrents or ntlni~tccs rlon't
rvinl~ lo conlin~ra n rclnlionai~iptllc
qocalloaa nrc n~~nvcrcl. Itcrnrtllcss
of whnl thc truth In, rml.
its in bctlcr thnn fndlcas fnntnay.
I nnt hnving lunch rvltl~ n p~blic
rclntiona cxccutivc who ~vnnla ttle
to write n story nhol~t Ilia clicnt.
Tilc lunclr llnrl lrccn portl~uncd w11r11
I went to All~nny to tcntify. I sny 1
tvns in Albnny, ha nsks why, nngl I
cot~sidcr snyi~~g sl~nply "busi~~css."
Wllh slrnnaoro, I an1 so oftcr~ nilcnt
bccn~lac the tnplc cnn cnally hccolt~c
nn hour's co~~vcrsntion. Thei.e arc
tinlcs 1 nm Just Ircnry. n~rt for
acnlc rcnaon, I tell the wholc tralh.
"I hope yo11 don't n~isd i~cnrinr:
this, hut I 11nvc nn ndoplccl tln~~~ir-
l~r." hc anys. I'vc bcen thro~~gh
this before, but 1 cnn't hcli~ nskillc
,. .. -
rifiht nfT thc bnt: "Itow 0111 In shc?"
"T\vc~rty."
011e clorctl.
"I clcn't wnnl. to hurt you, h11t
so~ncthinp intcrcsllrrg ilnp~~cnu~l
lnst ycnr."
h'o om CCI hltrt 1110 ntnre ~A~II
I've nlrrnrl~ hurt tnuqclf.
"Lnst yenr \vc got n cnil fro111
tile ndollliot~ ngcncy rvilcrc \vr j!nL
nur dnugi~tcr. Shc's n lnvclg EIII.
she's in collcpc, \vc think the i\.orI~i
nf her."
Rrlox, I kttn~t~ yolc'rc trrrific
J>~l~,~Ilt".
"Anywny, the ncency cnll~:ti :IIIII
snid 1ir11l her lnnrcnls \vnntvti 111
n~crt her. They \vcrc in er~llrrr
when our clnughlcr wns b111.n. Tllcy
pot n~nrrir!~l Inter ntlll III~ tn
Cnlifnrnin, nn~l the IIIIIII IIBR II('C~IIIC
cluilc succcasful in Ilia IIII~II~:I~.
And tl~cy hnvc thrcc ci~il~lrcn. Well,
tllc coui~lc CIC to Ncw York OI n
visit, nntl wct~t to ~IIC sarnry 111:.
rnunc Lhcy u,nntu#l lo nlcrt otrr
~lat~rI~t~.r. Now. o r sr~t CI~I:
Lo likv this, but we ani~l nn."
October, 1970
1
$3 Y